iiiw fertile! iHk ill
B. F. SCHWEIER,
THE OOlSTITTITIOir THE UHI05 AID THE EUTOBOEMEHT OF THE LAWS.
Editor and Proprietor.
VOL. XXXIA'.
MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY, PENNA.. WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 1SS0.
NO. 7.
H, T. HELMBOLD'S
COMPOUND
FLUID EXTRACT
BUCHU.
HLABMACETJTICAIfc
A SPECIFIC REMEDY FOR ALL
DISEASES
or THX
for Debtlltv. Low of Memory. Indlsnosl-
rios u Eiertion or Buines, fchortneee of
Imlk, TronMed with Tuouent of Disease,
I:ms of Vision, i'alu in the Back, Chest,
Lid H'na. Rash of Bloocl to' the Head. Pal
locnlenance. and Dry &kin.
If the fivmntoma ure allowed to ro on.
ffrr Irequeniiv fcplieptio Fit and Cnn
Koiption follow. When the constitution
treome anected It require me am 01 an
nrtforaiing medicine to strengthen and
oat aj Uie system which
"Helmbold's Buchif
DOES IN EVEBY CASE.
s:
IS TJNE QU AXED
Br hit remedy known. It la presort bod by
tM most eminent physlolans ail over tne
no, la
fa
Rheumatism,
fpermaton-noBa,
Neuralgia,
Nervousness,
Dyspepsia,
Indigestion,
Constipation,
Aclies and Faist,
StOeral Debility,
Sidney Diseases,
Liver Complaint,
Nervous Debility,
Epilepsy,
Head Troubles,
Paralysis,
General IU-Healtk.
Bjinal Diseases,
eaatica.
Deafness,
Decline,
Lumbago,
Catarrh,
Nervous Complaints,
Female Complaints, Ac
pitin, Soar Stomach, Eruption. Baa
In the Month. Palpitation of tbe
"art. Pain in the region of the KMneye,
U4 a thnorand other painful symptoms.
the olT-inngi of Dyspepsia.
Helmbold's Buchu
Invigorates the Stomach,
lait i , . T .1.
Kidneys to healthy action. In cleansing
- - 'i mi juijjuiiiit, mum imi-.,
" lit and rigor to the whole system.
"ngie trial will le quite sufflcient te
"WiUal qualities.
PfilGE $1 PER BOTTLE
Or Six Bottlea for S5.
J to any address tree from observa-
.PsUents" may consult by letter, reoslr
r same attention a by calling, Dy
"wing the following factions:
G!e ynnr name and post-offlee address.
ajJJ'J uu state, and your nearest
jTonraeeandsext
J Wo nation?
I" 2VTi,- r singlet
I S'AicbU weight, now and In health
, "w long have you been sick t
' Yonreoinplexion.colorofbairandeyesf
nare vnn . ... ; .. .
know
"wate without reservation all y
aqont your
Knclowe one dollar
JJJjJwoluiiion foe. lour letter will then
Uu . . "r ivenuon. ana we win j
oSJ? ore of yur d'eae and our candid
T concern tng a cure.
0r--i':ini rnvfilciana attend to mmm
Mna. All letteis should be addrfsssa
4np"tory, 1217 Filbert treet, Phila
H. T. HELM BOLD,
Druggist and Chemist,
Philadelphia, Pa
LADDER & KIDNEYS
DOST STOP it, PRINTER.
Dout stop my paper printer;
Don't strike my name off yet;
Ton know the times are stringent
And dollar hard to get;
Cut tog a little harder
Is what I mean to ,
And scrape the dimes together.
Enough for me and you.
I can't afford to drop it;
I find it doesn't pay
To do without a paper.
However other may.
I hate to auk my neighbors
To give me theirs on loan;
T cj dou't Just say, bat mean it.
Why don't you have your own?
Yon can't tell how we mia it.
If it ly any fata
Should happen not to reach n
Or comes a ht:ie late.
Then ail is in a hub
And things go all awry;
And, printer, if your married
Von know ths reason why.
I cannot do without it;
It is no UK to try;
For other people take it.
ALd. printer, so moot I,
I. too, must kep well posted.
And know what's going on.
Or feil, and be accounts!
A fogy simpleton,
Then take it kindly, printer.
If pay be somewhat slow,
For cash is not so plenty.
And wauU not few, you know.
But I must have my paper.
Cost what it may to me;
I'd rather dock my sugar.
And do without my tea.
So, printer, don't you stop it.
Unless you want my frown.
For here's the year's subscription.
And credit it right down;
And send the paper promptly.
And regularly on.
And let it bring ns weekly
Its welcomed bemzon.
Jennie's Subterfuge.
Tell me who is here this summer?"
Fred Dayton lighted a fresh cigar.
I1U companion replied :
"My wife bas a pretty cousin with her
this year. An heiress, too, Fred."
"What's the figure 7
"Fifty thousand, from a grandfather, in
her own right, and probably as much more
when her bachelor uncle leaves this world."
"Is there any chance ?"
"She is fancy free as yet, I believe. But
after all, you have no occasion to look out
for an keires3 with your fortune."
"Bless your Innocence, Tom ! I could
easily dispose of fifty thousand more, if it
only bou-ht finery for the future Mis. Day
ton." Leaning from an upper window, but
concealed by a thick running Tine, a Lidy
caught the words of the conversation.
"Upon my word," she soliloquized, "I
am really much obliged to you, Tom I So
his friend will try to win my money, will
he? The impudent puppy! I'll make
him pay for this, or my name is not Jennie
WilletL"
There was a spice of coquetry in the
heart of the pretty heiress, and she grimly
resolved that if the suitor for her money had
a heart, ehe would add to Uis sting of her
refusal of his offer by wounding that or
gan, if possible.
So. when Mr. Fred Dayton was presented
by pretty Mrs. Hogan to her cousin, he
found himself greeted with a gracelul cor
diality that was flattering as well as delight
1UL It was oa the projrrainme for the pleas
ures of that sunny June day, that a party
was to wander in a shady woods lor uai a
mile, to seek a spot famous for wild straw-
rries, and there to enjoy a picnic lun
heon. So. as the walkers marshalled for their
procession, it fell out that Sliss Jennie
Willett found by her side Mr. t red Uaytou.
He was in the net Miss Jennie was spread
ing for him before the strawberry field was
reached.
And the lady f
Conimencinir her flirtation with her
heart full of pique, and a desire for re
venge, she would not admit to nerseii
what had made her morning so pleasant.
She told herself it was mere gratification
that her plans were working so nicely, and
the prospect was now fair far her to make
Mr. Dayton smart for his insolence.
Yet and she stifled a sigh at the thought
it was a pity this delightful deference,
this effort to please, was all assumed to
gain her money.
She recalled words that proved uer new
S'litor no mere puppy, but a man who had
read much and thought deeply.
Tin. summer davs cassia swiltly, and
meaning smiles hovered over the faces of
the others when Mr. Dayton and Miss Wil
iett were mentioned or were n t-l in each
other's company, for the flirtation was car
ried on briskly.
It was onlv flirtation, to punish bun lor
his insolence, Jenny sternly told her heart,
when she caucht herself musing over nis
words; sighing, too, sometimes, as she
thought the pleasant summer was orawuig
to a close, and she must soon dismiss her
cavalier from her side forever.
For. and her cheeks burned then, it was
to her money all this winsome court was
paid, and the smiles, the aelercnce, me in
tentions, were all for the sake of handling
her grandfather's legacy.
a ,i wi.ilB the heiress siirhed and mused,
the wooer was blessing the lucky hour that
im.rl.t him to X for the summer.
He had forgotten the foolish speech he
had made about the heiress, ana nau
u:. .., tn the woman; and he thought
how proud man might be of her beauty
and taste when the voice 01 avjact
: sT-
The day came when the full heart found
. s .nil as the voung couple
vent in spcHu, - -
walked in a shady, lovely lane, Fred.
words, warm and tender, spoac u
and sincere passion in his heart.
It was some moments before the answer
CaIUC a
Jennie had to battle with a desire to put
her little hand in his, and give him back
She had to school her face aud steady her
voice before she could answer.
"Mr. Dayton, my answer to you must be
to recall to your memory your conversa
tion with Mr. Hogan on the porch the eve
ning of your arrivaL Every word of it
was distinctly audible in my room."
"Then you have been playing with me?"
he cried, fiercely.
"I have been endeavoring to prove to
you that my money has human append
age." It was well for her composure then that
he turned abruptly from her, and strode
rapidly homeward, leaving her to turn irto
a narrow by-path in the woods, and sob out
all her pain in solitude.
For she realized now, in bitter humilia
tion, that whatever Fred Dayton had
sought in wooing, he had won her heart.
As the tears chased one another down
her cheeks, one of the unerring instincts of
true love came into her heart, and she felt
deeply and keenly that the love she had
insulted and rejected, was not the false
suit of a fortune-hunter, but the true heart
seeking which is the only sure guarantee
for wedded happiness.
She crept slowly home at last, hiding
her red swollen eyes under her veil, and
went to her own room.
Upon her dressing-table lay a letter, and
as she read it, there came into her busy
brain a quick, luminous idea.
"I'll try it," she said. "My eyes are in
splendid condition. I'll try it."
She took her open letter in her hand,
and went mournfully into the room where
luncheon was in progress of demolition.
As she appeared, Fannie ened :
"Jeauie, what is the matter f You look
as if you had been crying your eyes out."
"The S Bank is broken:"
"By Jove I" cried Tom, '"all your money
was in that."
Jennie hid her face on Fannie's shoulder,
and sobbed :
"Uncle George was married last week '."
"Xever mind, Jennie. Come to my
room, darling," said Fannie.
And Jennie suffered herself to be led
away.
"Fred Dayton wants to see you, Jennie,"
said Tom, "in the parlor."
"But will you please read Uncle George's
letter while I am gone!"
She left the room gravely.
She found Mr. Dayton waiting in the
parlor marching up and down, with true
masculine impatience.
Before she went in, she looked a moment
at the tall, graceful figure so buoyant with
animation, at the liaudsome face raJiaiit
now with impatient hope, and in her
heart there was a glad little song, with the
refrain:
"He loves me ! he loves me !"
All the sadness was banished from her
step and face, however, as she slowly ad
vanced to meet her lover.
He could wait for no formality of greet
ing. Abruptly, earnestly, with his whfo soul
in his voice and eyes, he said :
"Jennie, you rebuked me sharply to day,
for uiy presumptuous and insolent speech
to your cousin. I acknowledge that I de
served it; but now, that the money is
gone, will you not believe me, that the
dearest wish of my heart is to win your
lover"
You are 6ure it is me you love ?" she
said, in a very low voice.
Before I had known you a week, dar
ling, I had quite forgotten that you were
an heiress, I only knew that you were the
only woman I could ever love, or whose
love would be precious in my heart.
Suiely you may trust me now. Be my
wife, and every hour shall prove to you
how sincerely and tenderly I love you.
Speak to me, Jennie. Why do you hide
your face?"
She did not tell him it was to hide her
smiling mouth, her dancing eyes, but she
allowed him to draw her gently into a
close embrace, to take in his own her soft
little hand, and tell her sweet and loving
words.
You'll be my wife ?" he whispered, and
then she looked up.
Yes, I will," she said, blushing, but
looking bravely into his eyes, "for I believe
you love me, and I love you with my whole
heart."
"Stop !" for his lips were approaching
hefe, to close the speech. "Don't kiss me
yet, I forgot to mention that Uncle George
drew all my money from the b Hans
before it broke, and has it in safe deposit
elsewhere. Now you may kiss me."
"But, Jennie," Fannie asked, when she
and Tom joined the lovers some time later,
'what on earth were you crying about f
Jennie never told, but Mr. Tom Hogan
made some guesses at a private interview
that Jennie would neither deny nor con
firm.
Deal; not Blind.
a rafir moot inr in one of the leading
recently a eentleman.
V' U li V ULO BU "
well known as an active and earnest church
member, whose remarks are always nsieneu
. ;ik ..rrat ir.termt. was makinz a most
impressive appeal to his auditors. He was
just proceeaing 10 emurtc jim
tration, when a centleman few seats in
front rose to his feet, and remarking that
no one was occupying tne aitenuou 01
meeting, asked that they join with him in
prayer. 1 ue nrst jt"-
:1 ..tor. nff his f-t abruntlv subsided;
the second gentleman prayed fervently
and though tne grave i " ""T?
. :n..n.;nH villi a smile, the audi-
was mi 111 u.mi.v ... .
tors "could with difficulty refrain from
laughter, ixxn gvuiiL-uicu,
innocent means of producing the amusing
scene, are very deaf : the second one is also
short-sighted, and, sitting in front of the
1 .1., -rhn wan sneaking, was wholly un-
aware that any one was occupying the at
tention of the meeting, auc u.
man, though deaf, is not blind, and the
facility with which he sought his seat
when the discourse was interrupted, was
not the least amusing pert oi the scene.
Both In Xorway and Sweeden the
women predominate in num
, the last census of or-
wav. In "lS75. the total population was
1 817 000, ot wnicn -aud
Ml.Od'J temales, being. t the rate
of 48S males and 512 females.to every
1,000 of populatiou.
Dard to I mlerstand.
Why people go into society to get bored
when they can get bored just as well at
home.
Why the young ladv who will eagerly
chew boarding house mince pie will care
fully eschew boarding bouse mince meat.
Why a man's stomach will be so ever
lastingly squeamish at home, and at the
eating house display a faith like a grain of
mustard sefd.
Why a woman will make excuses for her
bread when she knows it is the best she
ever made, and knows her "company"
know it.
Why the desire to make a fool of one's
self springs eternal in the human breast.
Why we are so much an-trier against
him who shows us our error than him who
leaiU us therein.
Why everybody is so prompt to answer,
"How do you dot" when you ask that in
evitable question. And,
Why you seem to be perfectly satisfied
with the information contained in this
echo.
Why one's piety strengthens as his health
weakens.
Why people will get married, when
courtship is so sweet.
Why a ui.111 who claims to have found
marriage a delusion will again embrace that
delusion upon the first convenient oppor
tunity. Why cold weather comes during the sea
son when it is least agreeable.
Why it is so much easier to be polite to
people whom we shall probably never sec
again than to those whose good opiuion
we have every reason to cultivate.
Why boys should run after the girls
when there is a whole houseful at home.
Why Jaue finds Sarah's hateful brother
so attractive, and wsy the hateful brother
of Jane finds favor with Sarah.
Why a niiin should court the good opinion
of another, w hen he can never hope to se
cure his own selt-respoct.
Why is it so much easier to close a door
in summer than in winter, considering that
exercise is generally considered distasteful
in warm weather aud pleasant in cold.
Why one feels bad when appearing in
company in shabby garb, knowing well that
one's shabbiness gives more pleasure to
others than ony's rich clothing.
The Little Wood-Carver.
If you find in Switzerland the SL Goth
ard mountain, where the Khine takes its
source, and f allow that beautiful river as it
enters the LaUe of Constance, crosses it,
and coining out at the opposite end, forms
a lare cataract at Shalhaiisr a, you will
see it continues its westward course till it
conns to 1! isle, a:id then turns suddeuly
northward. On this part of the river on
the right-hand side, you will find the iliack
Forest. It is called black because the trees
which couipfde it, mostly pines, grow very
close together, and their thick foliage shuts
out the su:ili;:lit.
From the Khine, the forest rises gradu
al:); after some time you come out 011 a
glassy plateau where vou cannot see any
trees at all, and the sunlight seems much
brighter there than elsewhere. On this
plateau is a'pretlyTitlle town," celebrated
for its numerous clock factories, and there
most of the pretty cuckoo clocks are made.
On one side of the plateau are a few
small villages and towns, and here lived a
groat ma"y years ago, an old woman named
Mother EUzabcth, with her two grandchild
ren. Hans and Grctchen. These two
little ones were orphans, and bad no other
relation than their aged grandmother, who
was very poor. So poor, that often they
did not have even dry bread to eat, and
were obiiT"d to lie down on their straw
pallets and try to sleep to forget how hun
gry they were.
One daj, M'-llier EUznlicth called her
grandchildren to her bedside and told them
they must work now or else they all would
starve. So Hans a stout boy of ten years
of age, an l Grctchen who was eight, start
ed nut early every morning, picked up dead
wood, broke it, tied it m bundles, caned
fagois, aad carried it to the neighboring
town for sale. This was very hard work
for the children; the town was far from
their home, the paths were narrow and slip
pery, and the wood was heavy; but they
were brave, and loved their grandmother
so dearly that they were willing to work
very hard for her sake.
Sometimes, when they were very tired,
they would stop to rest on their way to ai.d
from town, atoldGottlieb'shut. Thisold man
was a wood-carver, aud niade clocks, fans,
paperknives, brackets, ornaments and toys
out of pine wood. 1 lans loved to stand by
his side and watch him carve, and when
he aud Grctchen took up their loads again
to continue their way, he would tell his
sister, if ho only had a knife he was sure
he could learn to carve, too. One fine June
mornins. Gottlieb overhaard bin saying
this, and took his pipe out of his mouth
just long enough to say.
"llrtiis, if you really want to learn, and
are willing to cojsic here two hours every
day, I will teach you how to carve and give
you a knife."
"Will you?" cried Hans. "Oh. thank
you, "Gottleib! You are very kind.' 1 will
come in the morning. Perhaps when I
am a man I will carve well, and will be
able to sell my ornaments, and then we
won't have to pick up wood."
The next day the wood was quickly dispos
ed of, and the childcrn tripped gay ly among
the slippery paths, their tongues wagging
very fast, till they came to Gottlieb's hut;
at the door they slipped off their wooden
clogs and liftiug the latch, walked in.
There under the window sat Gottlieb busi
ly carving a cuckoo clock; as the children
came in saying, "Good morning, little ones!
WelL Hans, niy boy, I see you are in earn
est about learning to carve, and as you
seem eager to set to work we will begin at
once. Get a stool and come and sit down
here beside me."
And good old Gottlieb laid aside his own
work to teach Hans, whodid not find it as
cav wor!: as he tho-ight it would be. His
knife would slip and cut his fingers, and
often when he rose from his stool his limbs
ached from being kept so long in the same
position. But day after day he persevered,
and soon grew accustomed to his new
work; in a few weeks he could boast of not
having a single cut on his hands, and after
a while he improved so rapidly that Gott
lieb told him. "Hans my son, if you keep
on improving as fast as you are now, I will
soon have to take lessons from yon." After
a few weeks of steady practice, he carved
sone ornaments that Gottlieb pronounced
"good eneugh for sale." So, early next
morning he took them with him to market
Many persons stopped to speak a word
of praise but no one bought of hiin. Hans
was getting discouraged and was going to
pack up his carvings and carry them home,
when he felt a strong but gentle hand laid
firmly on his shoulder; he looked up and
saw a handsome middle aged gentleman
looking at him kindly, and asking him the
price of one of his ornaments. Hans ans
wered rapidly, and seemed so anxious to
sell, that his" customer smiled and asked
him who had carved what he was selling.
Great was his surprise when Hans told him
they were all his own handiwork, ne pick
ed them up one after another to ciamine t hem
more closely, asking questions all the while.
Soon he knew the iittle story, and after se
lecting a few carvings, akel Hans where he
lived, and putting a gold coin in his band,
he bade him a pleasant "good morning,"
and left him.
Much elated by his success, Hans return
ed home and told Gottlieb, Mother Eliza
beth and Grctchen ail alxmt it; they were
all very glad to think Hans bad really
earned something by his 'whittling," as
his grandmother called his new occupation.
Meanwhile the gentleman, too, had return
ed to his home, and that same evening he
entertained at bis table several of his friends,
and as they were excellent judges of wood
carving, he showed them those he had
purchased in the morning. . After repeat
ing for their benefit Hans' story, he asked
their opinion of the carvings, saying he
thought the boy quite a genius and would
like to help him in some way. All his
guests pronounced the carvings remarkable
for a boy of Hans' age, and after consult
ing together agreed to buy all he could
carve and pay him liberally. The next day
the gentleman went to see Gottlieb, to
ascertain "vbether Hans had tld him the
truth, and when he learned what a good boy
be was, and how rapidly he had learneii,
wont to see him and promised to help him
by buying all he could make.
Jow began for Hans a new and happy
life. Instead of carrying heavy - loads to
town, he spent his time in carving; and as
he was smart and used his eyes wherever
he went examining the trees, ferns, flowers,
birds, squirrels, etc., and copied them in
woixl, never resting till he brought out the
expression he wanted, he improved very
rapidly, and soon his fame spread far and
wiilc. Strangers passing through the forest
were guided to bis hut and always stopped
to see the boy-artist and purchase a trifle
to carry away with them; and they often
say there is one thing they
more than his skill in carving; that is, his
devotion to Mother Elizabeth, Gretchcn,
and poor old Gottlieb, who has Iut his
sight, and who lives with Hans.
Romance of Insanity,
Six or seven years after the Kirkbride
Insane Asylum was opened in West Phila
delphia, i'a., a young man was brought
there for treatment for a mild form of in
sanity. He was the son of a wealthy Geor
gian planter and large slave owner. He
was educated at lale college, but nctorc
graduating ho ran away to sea, and after
sme years' aliscnce, he was ricked up by
an .vmencan vti , on one 01 u.c ooii.ueru (
Pacific Islands. He taen returned home, 1
but about a year later his mind I becoming
disorder!, he was sent to Kirsbnde s asy-
lira, ills case was ramy vio.eni, anu uie
keepers regarded his threats of vengeance
upon them as harmless. One iy 1
he asked Dr. Kirkbndo to ahow him to
lum. His case was rarely vioient, and the ;
go to Washington to visit some friends, but '
the doctor refused positively.
"All right, sir," the man replied, "you
refiise me, and upon the honor of a South
ern gentleman, you shall pay for it."
Dr. Kirkbride thought little of the threat
and would take no precaution to prevent
him from carrying it out until one morning
patient was missing from the- agylucm
aud then it was too lite.
Dr. Kirkbride said: "Oh, he'll return
here before long," and ho did. Hc return
ed one night, scaled the high wall of the
hospital and concealed himself in a tree.
The next morning, while Dr. Kirkbride
was walking in the grounds, a shot was
heard, and the superintendent fell to the
ground wounded. The man then descend
ed from the tree, gua in hand, and cave
himself up. The bullet had glanced from
Dr. Kirkl.ride's head, doing no serious
damage, and buried itself in the soft flcsli,
where it remains to this day. A charge of
assault with attempt to kill was entered
against the man, but the verdict of insan
ity was found, and he was sentenced to the
Eastern penitentiary for "safe keeping."
No one t! ought he "stpuld remain there
long, but his lather lost all his money by
tiie war, and so ended the young man's
chance for freedom. Twenty-five years
after his attempt on Dr. Kirkbridc'a life,
the venerable physician called upon him in
his celL As he entered the warden said :
"Do you know who this is?" The prison
er looked up quietly, and, alter a moment's
pause, said: "Ves; that is Dr. Kirkbride,
whom I tried to kill twenty-fire years ago.
He insulted me, and I promised as a South
ern geut'eman, to punish him for it, and 1
did." Towards the end of his life he re
gained his reason suilicieutly to long for
his old home in Georgia. H? used to sit
up in his weil-worn chair and ask his keep
ers sadly if they th-mght his people would
send for him before he died.
Look at your Tongue.
A man can never be well and happy if
the stomach is out of order; aud dyspepsia,
like hysteria, imitates the symptoms of in
numerable disorders. But how. the reader
may ask, can 1 tell whether the illness from
which 1 think I am suffering be real or im
aginary ? At any rate, I should answer,
look to your stomach first; and, pray, just
take a elance at your tongue. If ever J
was so far left to myself as to meditate
some rash act, I should before going into
t'ae matter, have a look at my tongue. 11
it was not pcrf ectV,- clear and moist, I should
not consider myself perfectly healthy, nor
perfectly sane, and would postpone my
proceciiings, in the hope that my worldly
prospects would get brighter. What does
a physician discover by looking at the
tongue? Many things. The tonirue sym
pathizes with every trifling ailment of body
and mind, and especially with the state of
the stomach. That thin, whitish layer all
over the surface most likely indicates indi
gestion. A patchy tongue shows that the
stomach is very much out of order indeed.
A yellow tongue points to biliousness. A
creamy, shivering, thick, indented tongue
tells of previous excesses; and I do not
like my t needs to wear such tongues, lor
I sincerely believe thai real conilort cannot
be secured in this world by anyone who
docs not keep his feet warm, his head cool,
and his tongue clean.
Creasing Official Wheel.
A curious episode, too good to keep, oc
curred the other evening during a session
of a village council which illustrates that
the favorite theme of temperance is not
embodied in the virtues of the village dads.
It was this : The council having allowed a
certain official's bill of J-4, sent hiin a note
as follows:
"Mr. , we are about to adjourn;
where is the beer?"
To which the official answered on the
same slip of paper :
"Keep still; I am feeding Stewart."
No sooner was this received than the fol
lowing was returned to the official:
"Too thin. Beer is what we want."
This had the desired effect, and the foam
ing beverage was waltzed into the presence
of the astonished council.
"Mr. Jones will please take the
chair," as Mr. Jones said when they
were moving.
Flie Loved Rim After AIL
A curious row occurred on the train
which brought up the excursionists from
the Turner's picnic to Virginia City, Neva
da. Just as the train was leaving the
grounds, a neatly attired and interesting
little German lady boarded one of the flat
cars and began to weep bitterly. The sym
pathies of the passengers were aroused by
her grief, and when asked what was the
matter she replied :
Oh ! mine huslmnd leaves me for some
of those bat vimmins. Yot do you dink dot
man (lid? He dakes dree trinks ir.it dose
vimmins, and helps 'em on de arain. Von
I says, "Yot for, Tom, you do dot," he
knocks me down.
Here the passengers Itecame very much
aroused, and several offered to go and
thrash the husband if she would point him
out.
"Oh ! dt ani't all," she continued, sob
bing. "What!" exclaimed half a dozen meu,
springing up. "What else? Tell us what
else."
"Oh! de vorse ding a married vooman
ever hub to dake. (Boo, hoo,) lie sings
'Bull Down Dot PlinL' Oh, my heart
will break sure. (Boo, hoo, hoo-0-0!)
'Bull Down Dot PlinL Shust din! of dot,
und I bis luvin vife! I could go anddrownt
myself after hearin' him sing dot pad song."
Here the passengers found it impossible
to restrain their laughter, and at this point
the husband got on the car, and seeing his
wife in tears, began to abuse her. Three
of the passengers rose up and said they
would break every bone in his body if he
didn't dry up. He found thing3 quite
warm, and when a suggestion was nude to
pitch hiin off the car, he quieted down at
once. Near the Mound House, however,
he found that several men from the next
car, whose sympathies he had enlisted,
were ready to help him, and he again be
came demonstrative. It was clear that a
admire niuchrow was pending, and in view of trouble
ahead, the ladies were sent to the rear of
the car. The husband, who had been
threatened with expulsion, insulted one of
the men who took his wife's part, aud be
was knocked down. In an instant all
hands were in the fracas, and those who
had threatened to throw the husband off
the train sprang in and attempted to do it
there and then. As they were about to
pitch him over the railin;, his injured wife
sprang in, and, embracing him, told the
crowd to stand back. "He's my hiwp-mt
de pest man vat ever lifed. Now, you
git back, eferybody. Don'd you lay a vin
ger on him!"
I his ludicrous scene set the beligcrents
tJ laiIghin and one remarked that
,he womun wag a f(n), for
t,and-9 part ngbiL At thi3 several
who had tbe nusl)ani,-s
r.rt eA .v., tllpv did not know ,ha.
. ,, , . ,:. i,;a,fA ,i ,.. cnrrv
hc U(4(, bwn his wife, and f
h3, tUcy haJ .,.4 with w an1 ,
to ghow'their change of heart, we
to UcQ him off thcm8clvM At u
in order
were ulxiut
flits'"! Klin nfT ihMnooIri), At tliHi TVitnt
Im t!irM,.nr(- to ,iirow hilI1
in the 11m instance, took his part and
swore that no one should touch him. All
this while the wife was kissing ami em
bracing her puguacious lord, and sobbing
on his neck. As the train oearcd Gold Hill
he vowed that he would commit suicide
and suddenly made a rush to jump down
Iwtwua thf platfoi m of Iwtreanv but -was
stopped by the crowd. At Gold Hill when
the train stopped, he sprang over the rail
ing, ard ran off in the darkness, followed
by his wife, crying out, "Oh, Tom, vor the
lofe of heaven, holt on.
Too Nice for Anything.
A nice young man in New York is never
out later than 11 o'clock and spends a great
many of his evenings at horue. His rooms
consist of a sleeping room, sitting room,
bathing room and dressing room. The
windows have curtains of rose colored silk,
covered with lace draperies. The furniture
is soft satin brocatelle the carpets velvet.
His dressing room lttb!c is supplied with
every softeair.g aud beautifying repairers of
the complexion. His silver pincers, bis
ivory nail cleaners, his pearl and vioM
powders, would send an educated loi'y's
maid into ecstaries; and his daiiity little
curling irons would givo a twist to the eye
brows, if it were necessary, without im
pairing them. His bathroom is redolent of
soaps and creams aad perfumed waters,
lie powders and pencils his eyebrows regu
larly, and his white satin corsets are said to
lie embroidered mont exquisitely ; but for
this we cannot vouch. It is a fact, however,
that he has a man every morning to pre
pare his fragrant bath, rub him down gent
ly, and soften the skin by the af plication
of a delicate French cream, which is ap
plied from head to fooL He is, in short,
the product of high civilization, minus the
vices, plus the absolute selfishness which
grows out of habits of luxurious indulgence.
His tastes are refined to the last degree. Hc
eats at no common table bas his meal
served on a quaint little Dresden service in
his room. A Chateau Yqucm cocktail be
gins his day, and is accompanied by the
little desert of fresh fruit which precedes
his breakfasL The last is as dainty as the
most fatidious ladv could require a bird,
a roll, a little pat of fresh butter, a cup of
chocolate. If it rains he dor not go out,
but closes his rose colored blinds and de
votes himself to the daily newspaper,
which have been brought to him, and the
absorbing paces of a new novel. If it
snows he orders a sleigh, encases himself in
a furred coat, and is driven to the rcsideni
of some of the charming young ladies of
his acquaintance, whom he invites to ac
company him upon an afternoon sleigh
ride. The yoimg man is authority upon
dress and all details of tate, and 'qiute
too sweet for anything," as any of his young
lady friends will tell you.
First Deed of I.onc Branch.
The original document is still in the pos
session of the Chamberlain family. It was
executed by Mr. John Chamlierlain, Sr.,
(ercat-grandsire of the present Charles
Chamberlain) and Rebecca, his wife, to
Henry Green, May 21, 1743, in the reign
of George IL In it is recorded the sale of
three hundred and sixty and three-quarters
acres, comprising portions of the most val
uable lands in Long Branch. Starting from
a stone now more than two hundred yards
ia the sea, a little north of the Rowland
Hotel, the line runs west to the Long
Branch and Deal turnpike, thence south to
a stream flowing into Whale Pond, now
known as Green's Pond, so to the ocean ;
embracing the Uowland and West End
Hotels, Uoey's place, and other valuable
property. The price paid was seven hun
dred pounds (eight shillings to the pound).
A reservation was made of three rods square,
being a family burying ground. The spot
is some three" hundred yards north-east of
where the barns were situated before the
incendiary fire, on the premises of Mr.
Charles Chamberlain, now residing on the
ancestral domain. Adjoining the above on
the south, but separated from it by the
Whale Pond, lies another tract of one hun
dred and fifty acres, deeded March IS, 1788,
by James Green, and Anna, his wife, to
John Green, for four hundred pounds.
This also extends to the pike on the west,
and on the south to a road now known as
Woolley avenue. These deeds are the first
made for what maybe properly termed
Long Branch property.
Tia Well"
A citizen of Detroit, whose best weight
never exceeds one hundred and twenty
pounds was the other day buying a couple
of hens of a farmer in the market, and be
fore the bargain was concluded, the two
became quite friendly, and the fanner said
he had something on his mind to communi
cate. One of his boys had a passion for
theatricals and was desirous of becoming
an actor. The idea was so strong on hiin
tliat he had become worthless around the
farm, and the father was in a peck of
trouble to know how to turn the boy's at
tention from the foot-lights to the plow
handles. '"Spose I send him to you, and 'spose
you make fun and ridicule him and let him
see how foolish it is ?" suggested the fath
er, and the citizen agreed. As a result of
their planning the boy walked to the citi
zen's p!ace of business on Congress street
east, next morning. The father had called
him a boy, but he weighed one hundred
and sixty pounds, stood nearly six feet
high, and had a pur of baeds as lurce
as the chromo of the Yosemite Valley. His
arrival was expected, and after a few words
aliout the weather, the citizen queried:
"So you think you would make an actor,
eh?"
"Yes, I kinder think so." was the reply.
"What line would you take?"
"Well, I kinder like tragedy."
"Tragedy! Why, you couldn't succeed
in tragedy! Look at your hands! Look
at those feet! Kemeruber your voice!
You'd be hissed off the stage. Don't never
think of tragedy."
"How woidd I do in a drama ?" asked
the bov.
"Not at all, in the first place your cars
are too large. Then your heels stick out
too far. Then your hands would hide half
the otktir actors. Don t try the drama, for
you will be a dead failure."
"Could I do anything in comedy?
"Not a thing. The sight of you in comedy
would be the same as the sight of a hcarve
on the stage. All the facial expression you
have is behind your cars."
Tve thought some of being a nigger
minstrel," observed the bov, alter a long
silence.
"That's the worst of all. I tell you, boy,
you'd better stick to the farm. You are
Lot cut out for an actor, aud you should
drop the idea."
(.ouldn 1 1 act as usher?"
"No, sir; you are too stiff in the knees."
"Couldn't I take tickets?-'
"Never! Your hands are too biir for
that work."
'Couldn't I shift scenes?"
'No. You are too big and unwieldy."
There was a lone and painful silence.
Then the boy rose up and said:
"ell. 1 111 bound to go into theatricals.
If I can't be anything else I'll be the feller
that stands at the door to raise a row, and
I'll begin on you ! Come over here !"
He hauled the adviser over the table.
clutched him lv the small of the back and
spun him around, slammed him against the
wail and dropped him to gei a beiier hold.
When the curtain rise on the next act there
was a strictly private conversation going on
between Hamlet and the Ghost, and the
ghost's coat was ripped up the back and his
collar tern open. Then Hamlet suddenly
demanded in a loud voice: ,.
"f ait'iir do you declare ttaTT cannot
act?"
and replied :
'No, I don't ! You are all right you
are a splendid actor you can'l help but
win I"
"And vou'Il tell my father so?"
"I wili you bet 1 will:"
"If you don't !"
Here Hamlet took three steps forward,
two tack; scowled his fiercest, and the
Ghost jumped behind the stove and vowed
that he'd even pay 50 for a private box on
ihe n'g'at of the dtlitif.
"l is well !" said lian.'et, and he went
over 0.1 the market to see if he could sell
iLfee lrcks of onioa sets for cash down.
Ihe Kraprpft Josephine.
The Empress Josephine was allowed
$l'Vt,ooo a year for her personal expenses,
and ? !.i" for alms-giving. Her succes
sor, tii-? Archducliess received only $72,
tio1) for these purjvBes. The pretext of
this difference was that Josephine had a
gre&t many calis upon her purse from her
poor relations. Josephine, it seems, would
never tolerate order or etiquette in her pri
vate aparmeuts. After she became Empress
Napoleon insisted that she should have no
personal dealings with shopkeepers, but he
was forced to yield upon this point. Her
private rooms were always full of shawl
merchants, silk mercers, mantuaaiakera,
haberdashers, jewelers and portrait paint
ers. She hvl a mania for having her por
trait taken, and gave the pictures to anylio
dy who wanted them, relatives, friends,
chamlicrmaids, even shopkeepers. The
latter were always bringing diamonds,
trinkets, shawls, stuffs, and gewgaws of
every kind; she bought everything, never
asking the pric?, and half the time forget
ting what she had purchased. From the
outset tne gave her ladii in waiting to
understand that thr-y need not meddle with
her wardrolie; everything connected wit-i
that department was transacted in private
by her, and her maids, of whstin there we-e
six or cighL She rose at 9'clx-k; her toilet
was a very prolonged performance, one
pait being mysterious and involving div
ers operations for the preservation and im
provement of her complexion. When this
work of art was finished, she had her
hair dressed and her person enveloped in a
long wrapper, lavishly trimmed with lace.
We are informed that her chemises and
petticoats were also elaborately embroider
ed and trimmed. Mme. de Kcmnsat deems
it pertinent to add the further detail that
Josephine changed her chemise and all her
linen thrice a day, and wore none but new
stockings. After her hair was done, they
brought her huge baskets containing quan
tities of gowns, bonnets and sliawls. Of
India shawls she had as niauy as three or
four hundred she made gowns of them,
or bed coverings, or cushions for her dog.
She always wore one during the morning,
ilraping it about her shoulders with a grace
peculiar to herself. Bonaparte, who
thought shawls hid her figure too much,
would now and then tear them off and
fling them into the fire. She bought, we
are told, every Cashmere shawl the trades
men brought her, at any price they chose to
ask fl.6iK), or f2,0U0 or 2,400. Cash
mere shawls were the fashion at the Court,
and the humblest lady connected with the
Imperial household would not condescend
to wear one which cost let than (200.
Josephine's mode of life seem to have
been sufficiently monotonous, yet, although
she n;ver opened a book or took up a pen,
she showed no signs of fatigue. She bad no
taste for the theatre, and the Emperor did
not like ber to go without him, lest her ap
pearance should provoke applause and give
her a sort of personal popularity. She
never walked for exercise except when at
Malmaison, an abode she was forever em
bellishing, and on which she squandered
Immense sums. Her principal employ
ment was looking over the huge accumu
lations of gowns, frippery and ornaments
in he.- wantrobes, for which really colossal
magazines had to be assigned in each of the
palaces. She could never prevail on her
self to part with a single article of clothing,
and tip to her last hour derived unquench
able delight from examining, assorting, and
trying on her finery. On the day of her
death she had her maids array her in a
dressing gown of extreme elegance, because
she fancied the Emperor of Russia would,
perhaps call to see her. She expired in
rose colored satin. Notwithstanding her
mania for dress, which might suggest a
narrow aad exaggerated egotism, Jo
sephine hail a generous nature. She evinced
a singular zeal anil constancy in furthering
the interests of her own kinsfolk, as well
as those of her first huslmnd's relative.
Too Much Inference.
If you hand three pennies to the stamp
clerk at the letroil poet-othce he infer.
Uis inference is that you want a three-cent
stamp anil he shoves one at you rather
quicker than lightning. His inference holds
good on two cents and a single penny and
he hits it ninety.-nine times out of a hundred.
He, however, c- left recently. A bulky,
slow-moving old woman came in with a
half a dozen things to mail, and her first
move was to hand in a three cent piece.
He retaliated with a green stamp, but she
shoved it back with the remark :
"Who said I wanted a three ? Give me
three ones."
She licked them on with great care and
then handed iu three pennies. The clerk
this time threw out three ones, but she re
jected two of them with the indignant pro
test: "What are yon trying to do? I want a
two and a one!"
In due time she had licked these on as
well and then she handed in four cent.
Thi clerk scratched his bead, hesitated,
and threw out a three and a one.
"See here, young man, you're gettiiig
perfectly reckless !" she exclaimed, as she
glanced at the stamps. "I want a stamped
envelope for that money."
She got it, and the clerk made np his
mind that h. would catch her on the next
sale or resign his p-sition. She posted
several packages and then sauntered up and
laid down a penny. That could only call
for a penny stamp, and the young man
chuckled, as he tore it off.
"What arc you giving mc now ?" snap
ped the woman, as she drew herself up.
"A penny stamp."
"Who asked for a penny stamp ?"
"You put down a penny."
"So I did ; but I was a penny short on
Carrier No. 8 yesterday and 1 wanted you
to hand it to hiin."
For the next hour when any money was
laid down thcclerk asked what was wanted
A modern NotcL
The Lady Alice sat in her bondoir, en
rolled in a bright brocade of a jardiniere
pattern. She was waiting for the appear
ance of her lovtr, Aiiustuj Fitznoodlc,
The bell rings. Lady Alice starts from her .
chair, presses her hands to her heart, and
murmurs. "Tis he. He comes, he comes."
Mie would have said a eood deal more if
her false teeth hadn't dropped downward,
and compelled her to shut her mouth.
The servant enters. He makes a bow,
and says ; "A gentleman awaits your plea
sure.'' Lady Alice, having stuck the teeth to
her upper jaw with her brother Jim's last
end of chewing gum, replies: "Let him
enter."
The door flies open, and a tall form ap
pears. It rushes forward. Lady Alice
shudders and gasps, "Tis not Augustus."
The form lxws low and the lips speak :
'Fair lady, the fame of your beauty re
sounds throughout the lum I. and I have
traveled many miles and from distant
countries to gaze upon your face and iiitonn
your ladyship that 1 am aent for the best
corn extractor, pimple cradle ator, and frec
kle exterminator ever offered to the public,
and at the low price of ten cents a box,
three for a quarter, or sixteen for a dollar,
and a beautiful chroma thrown in."
It is needless to continue this tale. Au
gustus appear and saves the Lady Alice,
and in her delight the Lady Alice is willing
to give herself to Augustus, but Augustus
sarcastically replies that so good a deed as
he has done doe:n't deserve to be punished
in this manner, and the curtain falls.
A Governor's Diplomacy.
A good yarn :ind a true one is told of the
Capt:iin of enj of the Sidney, Australia
coasting steamers who had the honor of
carrying as a pii-nenger one of the Colonial
Governors who lately graced the opening of
the Exhibition with his presence. The in
cident happened some time since, however.
There were few passengers. The weather
was hot. No ladies were on lmaril, so the
Governor applied to the Captain to be al
lowed to use the ladies' saloon and cabin.
At first he met with a point blank refusal.
He then resorted to diplomacy, and under
a strict promise that he would vacate the
cabin w henever any ladies came on board,
hc was permitted to jemovc to the coveted
apartment. Shortly afterwariL at one of
the intermed ate ports a pxr digger's wife
came on boariL She was shown to the
ladies' cabin, and the Governor w as politely
requested to turn out. His Secretary ex
pos; ulaLeeL His Excellency could not be
dUturlied. Ail his luggage would have to
lie removed. Tl Captain ordered two
sailors at once to reunite the boxes. His
Excellency himself deigned to remonstrate.
"Surely. Captain, you will not inconveni
ence nie f r ihe s-tke of this poor woman?''
"Sir," came the prompt and stern rebuke,
"do you think it is only a siik dress makes
the lady ?" Like a hearty gentleman as he
the Governor accepted the lesson.
"Captain," be said, "forgive me. Tis you
are the gentleman, not L" They have
been firm friends since.
Etching on Glaoa.
Glass is etched by hydrofluoric acid gaa
or liquid hydrofluoric acid solution of the
gas in water. The forme in contact with
glass pnxluces a rough surface, as in ground
glass, while the latter ordinarily leaves the
surface clear. The gas is prepared by mix
ing together finely powder, flourspar cal
cium fluoride, three parts, and two parts
of strong sulphuric aciil. in a shallow leaden
dish, and applying a very gentle heat.
The plates to be etched much may be placed
over the dish. The op l ration should be
conducted under a hood 01 in the open air,
to avoid inhaling the pernicious fumes.
The plates arc prepared by coaling them
while warm with wax or paraffin, through
which to the surface of the glass the designee
cut with suitable gravers. In preparing
the liquid acid the mixture of spar and oil
of vitriol is placed in a leaden or platinum
retort, which is heated, and the gas taken
off is conducted into a leaden dish partly
filled with water, which absorbs it. In
contact with the flesh the aeid produce
stubborn sores. The metals are usually
etched with dilute nitric acid, or ntther and
sulphuric acid, or sulphate of copper and
alt, or hydrochloric, acid and chlorate of
potaali. Hydrofluoric acid is not used la
A sigbi wake Is a sort of cap a pie
arrangmer..
love for love.
014) JtTXBTWHXXS