eiiiiKi
s
II. F. SCIIWEIEK,
THE COITSTITUTIOIf-TEE TJUTOS-AED TEE OEOECEMEST OT THE LAWS.
Editor anil Proprietor.
VOL, XXXIII.
NO. ID.
MirrLIXIWN, JUNIATA COUNTY, PENNA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 7, 1S79.
V I I - I
I
i
H. T. HELMBOLD'S
co:mtouxd
FLUID EXTRACT
BUCHU
riT.ABMACETJTT.CAL.
A SPECIFIC REMEDY FOR ALL
DISEASES
of rut
For Tvhllity. l.os of Memory. In1ipost- !
tl.iii l4 F.xerlioit or IliiMiiem. s?hortne of i
ttnMth. TrouWe.l with Thontitsof liiseaAe,
limine of Vision, l'ain in tiie lliiek. thoat, !
and llitl. Kuh of HUmmI to tiie Head, 1'ale .
CoiinteiiMiiee. anl lry skin. j
If thee syitiilonis are allowed to go on, I
very freiueiiily Kpileplic Fits ani Cull- .
Miiiiptioii follow. XV hen the eoiiMitution :
l.i-eimies artecie.l it requires the aiil of an .
tiivitforttitii" meiliciiie to strengthen aud
time up Hie ybleui ahieh
"Heimbold's Buchu"
DOES IN EVEEY CASE.
IS TJNEQUALED
!
r.y ny rf-ne.tv known. It is prescribed hy '
the mor-t eminent pliy-ilcimm aU over the
!
Rheumatism,
Spermatorrhoea,
. Neuralgia,
Nervousness,
Dyspepsia.
Iudigcstion,
Constipation,
Aches and Pains, 1
General Debility,
Kidney Diseases,
Liver Complaint,
Nervous Debility,
Epi'epsv.
Head Troubles,
Paralvsis,
General nincalth.
Spinal Diseases,
Sciatica.
Deafness,
Decline,
Lumbago,
Catarrh,
Nervous Complaints,
Temale Complaints, &c
llea.laehe. Tatn In the Stinnlilers. Cough.
I)irlnes, Sour Stomach. Kruption. I'u.l
Taste In the Month. Palpitation of the
lleait. fain In the region of the Kulneys,
ami a tli.in-anil other painful symptoms,
are thd oir-jirliii'S of Dyspepsia.
Heimbold's Buchu
Invigorates lbc Stomach,
An.l stitnnlnte the tnrpin Mver, Howels,
unit Ki.liieyto healthy action. In elean.
the I.I00J of all Inipurit ie. anil iinpartl"
new life anil vior tome noie .1
A fingle tri.l will lie quite sufficient to
convinee the 1110-t hesitating of tut valuahle
remedial qualities.
PRICE ?1 PER BOTTLE
Or Six Bottles for S5,
Heiiverett to any aililress free from obscrva-
"""attonts" may commit T .,,',,'r;,.rec'i17j
tng the m attention as lr catling, uy
answering the following questions:
1 tlive yonr name anil post-office aililress,
eon at y anil state, and your nearest expresa
office ?
4. Your are anil sex T
3. Oeeuiiulinii?
4. Man-fiii or oingleT
. Height, weight, now anil m neaunr
a. How Ionic have you lieen sickT
7 Youreotiiplexion.colorof Itairanit cyeT
h! Have you a stoopliur or ereet itaiti
Kelate without reservation all yon
know aooiit vour case. Knchs one .lollar
consult! ion fee. Vour letter wH then
reeelvemir attention. anil we will Rive 5ou
the nature of vour disease and our candid
n. T. IIELMBOLD,
Druggist and Cbcmlat,
Philadelphia, Fa.
opinion coneernmK a nire. -
Competent Physician.. end to ' eorre
pon.le.ita. Allletteia should o add reused
10 i..penalory, li!7 t ilbert treet, Fuila
delulna. I'a.
TflK PISE TREE.
Before your atoms came together
I wm full-grown, a tower of strength,
Seeu by the eailon oat at sea.
With great storms mc aenr ng all my strength
Making my mighty minstrelsy.
Companion of the ancient weather.
Tonrs ! Just as much as the sfars that shiver
When the frost sparkles overhead !
Call yours aa soon those viewless airs
That sing in the clear vault, and tread
The clouds! Lees yours than theirs
loose eh-haaks swooping round the river
In the prime, al depths, embowering
My broad houghs with my branching peer
My gums I spilled in precious drops
Ay, even in those elder years
lite eale building in my tops.
Along my boughs the panther cowering.
I'neath my shade the red man slipping.
Himself a shadow, stole away;
A paler shadow follows him !
Races may go, or races stay.
The cones upon my loftiext limb
The winds will many a year be stripping.
And there the hidden day be throwing
His fires, though dark the dead prime be,
Kc Tore the bird shake off the dew.
Ah ! what songs have been sang to me !
What songs will yet be sung, when you
Are duet upou the four winds blowing !
True to Herseli
The November afternoon was dar
kening into night as Florence and I
drove from the cemetery where we had
seen our father laid to rest. I was
twenty-two that summer, am' the alli
anced bride of Albert Freeman; but.
since my father' failure and death, I
had not seen liim ; and my heart told
' me only too plainly that the love which
had been given to Marion Wilde, the fa-1
vored of fortune, had not tx-en trans-1
t ferre.1 to Marion Wilde, the homeless i
'orphan. j
Florence, though voungcr than I j lorgive ana pity me it you knew w nai
was married; had "her home and I bad suffered. Only lorgive ine Mar
' husband, and so could afford to look j ion, and let me win your heart once
calmlv on mv father's failure and
death. But I what was I to do? 1
must begin the world and earn a living
lor myself.
We stopped before the mansion that
had so long lieen home that after to
night would be home no longer.
"I wish to speak to you, Marion,"
Florence said.
I led the way to the library
i -eii, 1 saiu, fining ..on ...
: gloom. "What is it, Florence?'
I "It is this, Marion
! mean to do?"
What do you !
"I don't know."
j "It is time you did," said Florence,
j "You must earn your own living. I
, tell you quite frankly that I cannot of-
ler you a home, and you must get some
i situation. To-morrow yon must leave
' this hoiifc. You have no money,
j Where are you going?"
! I dropped my head 0:1 the table and
' burst into tears. Oh, the unspeakable
! misery of that moment ! My sister had
never been overstocked with affection
for her family, and thoughts of the
I world had always filled a large place in
!her in-art; but it did seem as it she
I miirht have eiven me time to bury my
father liefore thrusting me into it and
not my father only, but my lover also,
()r j,e was ot tea,J to n)P aIl must I
lot burv bun out of my sight.'
j "I have been tho.ightful for you
i more than you have been for yourself,"
j pursued Florence "I have found you a
(temporary home. Mrs. Brow a is in
I want of a seamstress. 1 have spoken
I for you; her terms are liberal and yon
" ,
Marion Wilde goout as a seamstress"
How coolly she talked of it.
"You will go there to-morrow morn
ing, when you leave here, and while
there you can advertise for another
place. I must be going, Good-bye.
"1 did not answer, and she was gone.
Then I sank down 111 my loneliness.
poverty and misery, and .1 cried until 1
could cry no longer."
"Oh, Albert, Albert!" I cried in my
great grief, is this the love you have
professed for me ?"
And so the long night passed, as all
nights must: but the morning found
me a changed woman. It seemed as il
in that one night I had given up every
thing that had been dear to me. I did
not Dreak my heart, either. Albert
Freeman should never do that, when
my heart broke, it should be for a wor
thier object. No! I thanked Heaven
that I had learned Allert Freeman's
unworthiness so soon.
With no choice left, I took my way to
Mrs. Brown and remained for three
months as a memlter of the family
One morning an advertisement in the
paper attracted my attention, and I de
l.ie.l to answer it. It was for a
copyist. A few minut- s later I knock
ed at the office door of F.dwin Graham
He was a barrister, and one of the most
talented men of the bar.
You advertised for a copyist," I said,
"and I came to see if I could do what
you require."
i.tl'tM ..itii bowii nth i 11 r for mP ?
..ll.J.iu n 1111. ' " r -
he said, and he placed some writing
materials before me.
I wrote several lines which he exam
ined and said would do.
I found his terms liberal, and carried
home a large roll of papers. It was ar
ranged that after this the clerk was to
call for my writings and bring me or
ders, j
Mr. Graham called occasionally tO
give mc directions alnuit the law papers.
He was a man of about tbirty-five,very
kind in his manner, and occasional
ly brought me a book to read. His lit
tle kindnesses were very wecome to me
i in my great loneliness.
I have forgotten to say mat 1 na.i
gone to reside with an old lady w hom I
had once befriended during a long ill
ness, but who had since received a
small legacy which enabled her to live
comfortably. .
In time my writings grew to be other
than the copying of law papers. First,
I wrote a short sketch, and sent it to
one of the leading periodicals ; it was
received and paid for, and I continued
writing. Soon after a new book was
given to the public, and loudly applau
ded. A few evenings afterwards, Mr.
Graham called aud brought me the
book, saying he wished me to read it,
as be felt sure I should like it. The
author was unknown, he said ; she on
ly gave a fictitious name; and all the
effjrts of the public had lieen unsuc
cessful in finding her out. I said noth
ing. I chose to keep my secret.
I had made up my mind to give up
copying, and told him so. He looked
at ine in a surprised way for a moment,
then said : "may I ask w hy. Miss Wilde !
Are you to be married? Tell me that
it is not o!"
He took my hand, then went on, hur
riedly: "1 love you. You cannot be
surprised at this ; you must have heard
it before.' Tell me that no one else has
a claim ( ii your heart."
1 told hiin the story of my past life.
"You cannot care for e second love,"
t said.
But he only clasped mc in his arms
saying, "Your second love is more pre
cious to me than the first love of any
other woman."
I told hiin that evening who was the
authoress of the book, he so much ad
mired. A look of proud joy came into
his face.
"1 thought it was like you; it made
me think of 3011 when 1 read it; but 1
did not dream of this. Why have you
kept it such a secret!""
"fan you wonder?" I replied. "Have
I not learned what it was to be loved
for my good fortuue, and then forsaken
when it forsook me? I wished to be
loved for myself alone."
Only once have I met Alliert Free
man ; it was seven years after my fath-
er death. He didn t know ot my
marriage, and begged me to torsive
him
"-', Marion !" he said, "You would
more. Promise to be mv ite, and
nothing on earth shall part us.'
What a Hood of bitter memories oj
pressed my soul.
There was a time long past," I an
swered, "when my heart wa all your
own; but you cast it back as worthless.
Have I not suffered, think you? I
would not trust you with my heart if it
wYe ever so free; but it is not; 1 have
i given it to one that loves me, not f r
,,,,,,, bllt lor mVself; I am married
. . , man. and I love
w itl ,IIV w ,,e i:,rt."
The Great l'yra.ul.l of lypt.
The Great Pyramid was originally
four hundred and eighty feet high, and
each side of its base measured seven
hundred aud sixty four feet, dimen
sions slightly reduced by its use as a
quarry in later times. The successive
Muslim capitals of Kgypt, of which
Cairo is the latest, have been built of
the monuments of Memphis. The city
and its temples have disappeared, and
left scarcely a trace; yet the larger pyr
amids have lost but a small proportion
of t ieir materials, and where there are
marks of ruin, it is rather due to the
efforts of explorers than to the actual
removal of the stones from the site.
Seen from afar, on what Horace well
calls their loyal site, the vastuess of
the pyramids strikes us; as we approach
them, and begin to distinguish the
courses of stone, this impression wanes
to return with an oppressive force as
we stand beneath them. All other
works of man are dwarfed by ibein,
hut it must lie remembered that no
other works of man occupied a whole
nation, as it is ail but certain the
greater pyramids did, for one or evan
two generations each. No public
works save the pyramids are known of
the Meuiphite kingdom. When true
public works begin, pyramids become
far less costly, like that of the wise
king who excavated the Lake Mu-ris.
The otiject of each pyramid was to en
tomb a single mummied king; some
times two sepulchral chamlK:rs 11133
poiut to a double burial ; in one case an
early monument, the third pyramid,
seem, to have been enlarged by a later
sovereign; but in general each monu
ment seems to have been designed for
an entombment. The purpose of so
vast a labor is no longer a mystery, if
we may assume that the Egyptians held
the preservation of the body to be es
sential to Immortality. It is certain
that all Egyptian tombs were con
structed under the Influence of a be
lief iu the immortality of the soul.
The final aim of the pyramid builders
was that each head of the religion and
state should rest securely in these vast
monument, whose form is a type of
immortality, resting on tiie solid rock,
themselves solid and indestructib'c,
yet pointing heavenward. It is a
weakness of practical nature to laugh
with Pliny at the pyramids, as mere
monument of human vanity.
A Hnunlwl House.
.A house in Jhiyfuir belongs to a noble
lonL It was let "sonic years ago to a Bra
zilian Minister, whose wife died there.
This house Ix-ms recently in the market,
was purchased by a friend ol the owner.
in tl.io tlu wife of the owner wrote to a
friei.il. and licirired her to rescind the pur
chase, the reason alleged Ix ing that she
,...!. I l.i.ve no nence ill the house, as a
I'hoKtly woman in green had the unpleasant
knack of wandering a'xmt the staircased
and nms,;nndoccasioiuillyiiissing through
a wimk.w and airing herself on the halcony.
The ta-euliaritv of this ghost is that she ar-
lir .l;iv iis well as bv nisrht. Many
..ttenmts have la-en made to grapple with
her. but they nil proved futile. Now, I do
not Itclicve in ghts, but wiio is this mys
terious visitant that actually prevents the
gale of a house in London I
lilvrn Tp liy tmcojr.
"Is it possible that Mr. Godfrey is up
and at work, and cured by so simple a
renie.lv?"
"1 assure yon that it is true that he is
entirely cured, and with nothing but
Hop Bitters; and only ten days ago his
I doctors gave hltn up and said he must
die!"
"Well day! That is remarkable!
I will go this day and get some for my
poor George. I know hops are good.
The Uouaecleaninff Mania.
John Jacobs had been married nine
or ten months, and thought he was pe
culiarly blessed. His wife was mild
aud gentle and his home peaceful. As
he left things in the morning so he
found the m when he returned at night.
If his slippers wcie left reclining in
najlige in the middle of the parior floor
after breakfast he knew just where to
find them before supper. Some men
might have objected to this arrange
ment as careless and prodigal,but John
did not. He wanted peace, and for the
first ten months of his married life he
got it. The dream was broken up last
week. Jacobs got up one of those ex
ceptionally fine mornings, which come
so seldom this time ol the year, and
found his usually tardy spouse already
np and skipping from room to room
with the lire of stubborn resolution us
urping the dreamy, resigned expres
sion of her eye. She was moistening
her lingers aud making hieroglyphics
on the window-panes, peering under
door-mats and wash-stands, blowing
clouds of dust off the innocent books
that lay round the room, and carrying
on generally as though she had sud
denly changed individually with some
dafty.
John eat his matutinal meal in sil
ence, notwithstanding madam held his
plate up to the light before she would
allow him to touch it, and then tested
it much as he had seen her do the win-
dow-panes.
This was on Tuesdav. When he 1
came home that night he looked in vain j
for his slippers, and found the volume
of Mrs. Johnson's "Garter" out in the
backyard under the coal-shed. On
Wednesday, when he left for the office,
after a scrap breakfast, be noticed mad
am had her head tied up in a wnite
.......Lin. and venturing to a..k if it aeh-
a! received for reply a suggestion "to i
go about his businesss for a stupid." ;
On his way down he took the preeau -
tioii to stop at the office ol 'the family
physician and leave an order for him
L:.n it I'.i 1.0.1
When he went home at noon, contra-'
ry to his usutl custom, he found a '
crowd on the other corner looking in-
te.nlv toward his domicile. Hirectin
j ..... -
his own eves that way, lie saw madam j
on top .of the roof, scrubbing it off and
..... i.;., .1...... .1... ..1 11,0 .l.ii.i.
r ....... ........
ney. I Hiding ,t was no use to ring
the bell, he clib.iied.over the back fence
rjiining a twelve dollar pair of breeches,
lie found most of the furniture out iu ,
the backyard, and the balance obstruct- i
iiig the stairway. In his frantic aftorts
to get up stttirslie dislo-lged a piano
stool, which let down a chamWr stove,
which precipitated a washsUnd. which
started down a wardrobe, winch turn-,
bled a promiscous collection Of anu- (
hoyes ciil-scuttles wardi-pitchers, inn-
sic racks &c. down on his devoted ,
l(.i(j !
' The next morning when Mrs. Jacobs '
relieved him from durance an.l got his '
wounds dressed, she condescended to
explain to him that she was done !
hoiisecleaning now for .ne year, and
he said he was so glad.
v...i,t.r .....r s.i.l nlwiut t for .1
u-ikiio mn i.ie.i .1 m. .1. re.na-he.. LiiaL
she did not know how some p-ople lived
in so niucii dirt.
The Fuel Siply.
There is one jioint in household econ-
omv uiion which the landlord and the
guest will never agree. It is on the
.:t- M.e ,....ul r in.! to lleat a
jii.ini.iijr ... . . "i ' ......
nches ill diameter and somewhat long-
er than a match, will, if properly used,
keep a bright fire, snapping and roar-
ing in a large oven stove all day, and
then, if you cover them up carefully
when yon retire, they will smoulder
all night long, and you will on'y have
to ojK-n the damper 10 have a nice warm;
room to dress in. the next morning,
u i . .i.ta lu.ei.ns he tells the 1
guest be has tried it, and does try it
very successfully in his room every
i.i.ri.t I never heard the truest dispute
ihe landlord, but I can't rei.ienil.er
.vorin.vin.ri.ceii him look con viiiced .
When I order a lire in my room 1 usu
ally have this kind of circus. I say to
the bov in commanding tones :
"Bring up some wood."
The boy looks amazed, goes away
slowly, and just before the lire goes
dead out, he returns with two armsful
of wood, one stick in each arm.
The sticks are short, but thin.
1 seize them gladly aiid thrust them
both into the stove.
"Now, then," I cry cheerfully,
"bring up some wood !"
The bov disappears, and I catch a
parting glimpse of his white, terror
stricken face as he slides down the
banisters. In due time comes to the
room, not the frightened but with hea
vy solemn tread, the landlord. There
is trouble in his face.
"What do you want?" he asks sus
iciously. "Wod," I say, "wood! wood!" my
crv is still for wood ! "Fuel ! Combus
tibles! I n flamable substances! Vege
table growth and development ! wood !"
"Why, " he asks, with a puzzled ex.
ni...ctnn nn din face, "didn't the bov
!.,:.. o .0..,.. wood i.ist now?"
" 1 '
"Yes," I reply truthfully. And
seems kind of oddly to ine, but after
all, I am glad I told it under tne cir-
cu instances.
The landlord looks wondcringly
room. Now, the landlord is firmly ,.,iid recalled her. Here at the top of I ,,rt r iiihi ...m .ii.emy ...... M.r;,.llCe r t,, pet-eiUnc railroader : one of his pet luigs on the Brighton row I.
convinced, and he grounds his con vie- l, .,jtl., 1 hked back and saw her ! r:lir approached. was a j,ar w it!l tlat of a wcll known , when a ge.nU-man came along with his ja-t
lions upon a long series of actual tests stalldin.-, with her young one in her ! ! '"'" Schofield ?' asked j,,.,,.,,,;,,, 0r this country, who in iiis ; ' vid. ntly ready for a "brush," He
and practical experiments, extending j ,llout, kniking after me as though she . one of theiiN , ,,reallI illl!li;iM(., le was in a fierce dis- ; j';.,
over a term of years which dates back i,.,d ilalf a miad to drop the kitten) "Yes sir." eussion with a political opponent, and "j',,,',' ',' IvVin the stn-t " "How an-
to the year he began to "keep tavern," al,d give t.,ase again. I gave the horse ! "Arejou tne manager of Ihis here . to t.Illu.h t,. ar;;ment .pulled the nose : v ,, Sa! I the horse-loving divine, hearti
that tuo sticks of wood, about two a rut. and did not feel unite safe until i show?' 1 ff j,;9 antagoiiist. I'nfortunately it "u- "You have the advantage of me. sir."
1 l,..,ees heliin l tl.elwasa""l,uu-
Ul klllilil inn iv""' t'""
1 ' o I W Hit' Hill ' 11 oiup. '
stove, stoops down and peers under tne jw h npw am, this U the present regu
bed. I lation for the regular flag. In 1"!, when
"Well, why," he says at last, in a : the revenue flag was adopted, Tennessee
iterplexed tone of confidence, "where ! had been admitted, and there were then six
0.1 teen states, so the flag had sixteen stripes.
"In ll.e stove " I S1V Tllis h!is wver W C'1""!- T""8 tl,e
"III the stove, lsay. . KV.mK flag has sixteen perpendicular
An expression of incredulous bewll- , .f.e'with the
derment spreads over his questioning ; natima in jfc bhle ana the regular
f.ieo He asks, feebly and faltering ly
"Y'es, but the rest of it?
- -
"In the stove, too," I say.
shout?, !
"All of it'
V ! ,1 ,.. .
AU of It, I say.
"He doesn't believe mc. He stoo;n
down before the stove, opens the door
and looks in. His worst fears are real-
ized. With a hollow groan he closes
the door and shnu the dauiler with
such an easy, quick, long practiced
turn of the wrist that an inexperienced
man can never detect it, and rising to
his feet goes feebly down stairs, hold
ing one hand to his bewildered head,
and the other to his throbbing heart.
By-and-by he comes back to the room,
with the wan, silent face of a spectre.
He bears two sticks of wood, somewhat
thinner than the ones the boy brought,
but on tho other hand, considerably
shorter. He shudders as he walk
past me, and lays them down in the
bottom ol the wood-box and covers
them up with a piece of an old envel
oje to hide them from my extravagant
eyes. But I seize them from under his
hands, even while he is hiding them,
and not heeding the tremulous hand
he reaches forth to stop me, 1 thrust
the sticks into the stove, and say, calm
ly and sternly :
" "Send the hoy up with some chunks."
The landlord presses his hands over
his eyes aud goes reeling out into the
hall. He says, in a ghastly whisper :
"Well, if you can't crowd more wood
into that stove than any man I ever
And he goes down stairs and I can
hear him sobbing, and telling the hall-
boys they'll have to keep an eye on the
crazy man in
house on tire.
No. 72 or he'll set the
Ihe Wild Ct.
I was plodding along in a wagon from
Toledo to Maumee. over an execrably,
level road, in the hot noon sun of a
my y- 1 ne urivcr w as a iiaruy lei-,
i'ow who iookihi astnougu lie con iu out-j
! Z a bear and loosen the tightest (
' Maumee ague with a single shake, and
I vet he owned that he had been fright-
lied bJ ild cat so that he ran from j
an(l ,ucn ',e to''l lne ''tory, which 1
give you partly in his own words : "I ,
'as driving along this road in a buggy, I
. , . , . . 1
wilt fat a horse as ever scorned the
whip, when some ten roils ahead of us,
iust bv that bir oak. a wild cat leadinz
"What!::" the good man
- - - wood r.rrvi.,., . .,., of..o,.l t.lrs
three kit ens came out of le ood tr,"iS a scuttle of coal upstairs
crossed the road aud cut into those while the partner of your joys stands
bushes on our left, and I thought what ,u the hall and yells, 'Oh, Henry.what ;
nice peU they would make, and wished a dirt you're making 011 my new car-
I had one. When I came up I noticed ' pet
one of the young ones iu the edge of! For the first time in one's life asking
the bushes but a few feet off, and I.agirl if she wouldn't like to go out
heard, or .bought 1 ., an, th. old one some evening next week, and have her
stealing along deep in the woo. . 1 coldly say '.No, you musn't keep late :
sprang out, snaicne,. me k.ucu, u.rew
it into me uuggy, jumpeu in ami siari-
ed. V hen 1 laid hands on It, itmewe.i
a'"1 k,I't n"' ". a'"l a3 1 gasped theij.stas tiie top is reached to drop one
reins 1 heard a sharp growl and a ; shoe, and hearing it goingto the bottom
thrashing through the bush. I knew j like the gong of eternity.
the old one was coming, and the next , - --
she streamed over a log and j Manager f. l.rl.
alighted in the road She ran with j Jo!iri s,.,lflfit.M,vas ,,.., ;,,.
her eyes naming, ner nair i.ristiing ami
her teeth grinning. M.e turneu as on ,
a mvot. antl cave an uneartniy snuaii
-. . . .. - -
1 .s pne hk. i" ", ..
j bounded after with such yells and fury ;
and gained on me so
fast that for very ;
I fear I threw the kitten out a
the flying horse, but she scarcely
! paused for that, but bounded on a
w,ile, as though recovery of her young
would in suffice without revenge.
when I saw her at my very back 1
... .. 1..1 1...- ..pi-Iiii.
scarcely uie.iiiieu, .join o jn
: j ju,j jjot Somc miles away. I made up
,y ,.' from that time forw ard to let
i young kittens alone and mind my own
j busines.s"
j mmm
j Irish wit.
1
a country rector .. ... ...... ..
one day riding in a gig in the town of
Sligo, and on the fly road observed a
small, ragged boy tending a goat,
which be held by a string. "Say, boy,
what's vour name?" asked the minis-
ter, "Batsy, your honor," answercu
I the wee fellow, with a
bow. "Well,
Patsy, can you tell me how many gods
there are?" said the divine with a
nudge to his wife. "Don't know that
sir," answered the boy making a sec
ond bow. "There's but ono God, my
child," Mid the lady and the jig drove
on. How ignorant those poor Catho
lics are," remarked the minister. "Yes
God help them," replied his wife.
Three hours after as they were return
ing, the boy was in the same place.
"Please, were you in Sligo, sir?" ask
ed Patsy. "Yes, my little lad," replied
the rector, why do you ask?" "I'd
like to know from you, how many
chimneys arc there in Sligo?" "Chim
neys, you little rogue, how do I know,
I never counted them."
"Then, sir, if you can't tell how
many chimneys there are in Sllg
where you have been, how could I tell
how many Gods there arc in heaven,
where I never was?'
Tne American Flag.
The flag of the United States was origi
nally adopted by an Act of Congress June
14th 1777. It was then coinposcil 01 inir
ti-cn stripes and ornamented with tliirteen
iwoim th.. nrero thirteen senarate
j ; ri.I)HJonti in tMe Union. In 17-.U
, s,mtor Bradley, of Vermont, moved that
j the flag consist of fifteen stripes and nitccn
stars, iveniucKy ami cnnoin wiving "
added to the nunitier 01 Mates, anutnis
j w m Ul ' '11 - '
i aA I . ' i-vf.r olntu Vltll a TlfW flt.'ir fl IT
i,, ,i,:rtw.n ln.rioiitid strim-s. the 1
... 1 - ,
union being blue, with a white star fori
every state.
Found in an Old Chest.
I '
! Cliarlt-s Broom, a farmer of Sullivan coun-
; tv x y., while lately searching for an old
concluded to examine the content of
a chest which had liecn in his possession
! midisturlicd for lifty-t wo years. It cotitaim-d
old paiKTS. and in opening them he dis-
rovcred a package tied with tajic. After
the t:ie was exied to the air for two
hours it liccjune as fine as ashes. In the
package Mr. l'mom found five letters of
great antiquity and of some public impor
tance. 'ne of the letters was dated at Y rk-
town. Pa., Octolier iith 1777, written bv
John Hancock, then President of Congress
informing Governor Clinton of New Wk
that Congress had appropriated f.Vnl fa
the erection of a monument to the memory
of General Herkimer. This is the of
which ex-Governor Seymour s(ke in tliv
speech recently delivered by him in Herki
mer county on the subject of raisin;: money
to erect a monument in honor of icncral I
Herkimer. It is said that the -".o have'
never lieen paid, and on the strength i this I
letter the jicople of Herkimer will petition j
Congress for its payment, with interest for
lol years, to lie expended for the purjuwc
named. Another of the letters was dated
at Kingston, October 17th 1777, signed by
Morris, informing Governor Clinton of the
retreat of General Biirgoyne. The third
was dated October loth 1777, signed b
John Jay. toH.ovcrnor Clinton. The fourth
was dated August 17th 1777, signed by
Richard Morris, who administered the first
Presidential oath of otlice to General Wash
ington in Wall street, New York. The
e.f.i. i... !.... . i? r
mill inui wua milieu i j nil ... i.i.iu.-
, . ., , .,- ... .... ,
ston, August liit, to Governor Clinton, in I
relation to the Medical lVpartment of ti. j
Continental armv.
Ulnadvautage iu Life.
Sitting at the foot of a boarding house
table
Wearing tight boots with a big wad j
of cotton darning on tiie heel. !
Walking through a crowded ferry- j
boat with a year old baby on your
arm.
rassing the iluo or bnliar.l room ;
without 'dropping in to see whosj
there.' !
Having a bad cold in the head and 110
handkerchief within hailing distance, j
Being a.-ke.l what time it Is when
your t'ncle is keeping your watch to
suit time.
Endeavoring to persuade a tailor that
.
the longer your bill goes over the soon-
er will thesuu of resumption rise like a ;
forty cent skv rocker.
..our .
I Taking off one's shoes in the lower
11:111 to walk upstairs noisiessiy, fim
ct nmr aiitrnn'u or Hi,. ..- eritire.il.
s;i.is!,l(.ti,(I1
-. . . ...
int! procession
passing
- ",,.,..,,. .i. ..; .,.., n-., -
" V1 ,
' J
ml ia.sh,.dwitUnoi:'i!'oll, ck, ro'lu,sU,I's an,X ''n- i
urinous diamonds, who were eoufer-
! ring in some earnestness with the jun
! ior Hooley, who presides at the box of
! fice. "Want a pas, I suppose," thought
; "
Hl'1
n 1 1 ,i...
Don t get it this trip all th
I'resently he saw the treas-
Ye. '
"lo yon pass the pcrfe.-h?'
"The what?"
"ihe iierfesh."
"What's that?"
"Aw, don't screw yourself too high
lo you pass the perfesh?"
"lo you mean the profession ?"
"Why, cert the perfesh."
"Tleit ileti..itsu-lio nre von ?"
"We're McGlannahan ami McG!aler-
"What do you do!"
Each put a baud to the other's
nearest shouldor and danced three or
four steps as they sang :
Oh. I hate to tell.
But then I niuL
winding up by raising their liats and
striking an attitude.
"Song and dance ;:ien, arc you? Sor
ry, but I caa't pass you
vi. n ull I'll ho lilain'd " said 1 1 J
fll,w well, 1 11 be Diam U, "',,,,,.,...., ,,. delicate orirans
one. incredulously a
tonished. "You
don't pass the perfesh ?"
"Why," exclaimed Mr. Scholiehi, "I
can't let you iu; I'm turning people
away from the house that want to pay
money to get in. How do you suppose j
I can afford to give you room ?" 1
"Then wou't you pass us ?'
"Xo."
"That settles it. Yuir name's Scho-j
field, is it!" (producing a piece of pa
per). "Y'es, my name's Schofield."
"Got a pencil ? Lcmme take it."
Mr. schofield let him take It.
"How do you spell that ungodly
name of yours?" (preparing to note
the spelling).
"S-c-h-o-f-i-c-l-d, Schollcld."
"S-k-o-w . Do you know w hat I'm
goin' todo?"
"Xo."
"I'm goin' to give it to you in the
perfesh. I'm goin' to write you up
strong."
"Oh ! Y'ou are, are you?" And here
about Mr. Schofield began to look ex
traordinarily quiet.
"Y'es, I am, S-k-o-hue ! I can't spell
that beastly old name write it down,
yerself. 1 want to get it just right. 1
want to let you have it so that nobody '11
be able to mistake it."
"Gimme that paper and peucil," said
Mr. Schofield, with sudden energy.
I'll write it for you plain enough.
There !"( w ri ti ng agai nstthe wall), ' J.
B. Schofield, bigawd. Theie! send
1
that wherever you like, and tell 'em I
don't pass hamfatters nor beats, In 'the
pcrfeslr or out of it. D'ye hear?"
"All right. You 11 hear from us
again :"
"Xot if I can help it, I won't.'
"The beats," soliloquized Schofield,
when they had gone. "Write me np,
will they :"
Mr. Hooley called hiin up stairs at
this juncture, and the incident was soon
forgotten. Half an hour later Mr.
Nichols stopped at the door with "Mr.
Schofield, I thought you were giving
I ,..
no passes this week.
'I aint."
"Well, look at this. A couple of glue
brothers brought this in a little while
ago."
Mr. Schofield looked at it. There was
no mistaking the trick. The geutle
men of "the perfesh". had taken his
wrathfully given signature and written
over it the simple preface, "Pass Two."
"Where are they now?" he asked.
"Inside, shall I fetch them out?"
"Not by any means. Go take them
into one of the boxes, and send them a
a quart bottle at my expense.'
Xo Time fur Sentiment.
At a furniture auction a widow seem
ed to be quite anxious to possess herself
I of a second-hand stand, and tiie only
. . . ... , , ,. ,
bidder in opposition was a long-hodted
1
young .man, whose tea.n and wagon
were hitched across the street. One of
i the crowd slipped a-ound to him aud
said :
"I presume you have feelings for the
P,M;r idow ho "J"'1,0 et al0l,'
iiu uimc uci vuuuicu.
"Yes,"' was the reply.
"Well, then, don't bid against this
widow on that stand. I think she sus
pects that there is a secret drawer full j
of greenbacks in it, and the money will j
be a great help to her. Kemeraber the
wMow anJ ,je father,eiii.
Two dolHrs ai,d a quarter'-' caujd 1
tic lonbo(lieJ j.ou man tothe ,llc;
. .
..,...., . ..
I "What! Have you no sentiment!
i exclaimed the citizen. (
j "blister man, there's a time for sen-'
timeut.and a lime for buviuir stands." .
replied the teamster. "This is no time
1 1 put 11 ni"c icaiusici
foJ. sentjment, 5id
TLe wilIow went
...
,,n" l"e f""" man iclllM I,cr u,u"
di , three an1 a h:llf. The stand was
kn0(.ked (lown to ,,;,, anJ as he pIaceJ
u ja t,)e wagon ,w t) U(e vitixen . (
"i don't want to be the means ofaf-
Hictin" the widder and the fatherless,
bIt business is business vou know'
,., , to ik fw honi'e anJ
lhU re ta Jt , 0 ,f
waut? t- b any money I'll be hu-
..! a . ...... ..11 v. .. ..: 1
man about it."
i llad lreama
I Thev tell a story of a briikeinen on
1 western train, who while dreaming !
at niglit, imagined he was on the plat- j
form of his car darting across the plains
at a fearful rate. The danger signal !
I was given, and swinging himself to I
rt i . .i 1.. .i
' ? ' " ' , " ,
" - "
sjiecd toward him.
He seized the j
" . . ...
brkc f"1 twtetea lt ro"' ?.
fran- i
i"c venemeuce uieaiinnue 111s
ears
were assailed by the
most frantic
i shrieks, which in the confusion lie mis
took for the screams of the locomotive. !
I But imagine his horror when on
awakening he found he had seized his ;
. . . ... .....
. Wlfe by the r and had nearly twisted .
1Pr ,,,..,4 ,roll .r slollders.
file ex- 1
w.13 his wile's nose he nulled however.
i and that indignant female realizins the
situation in an instant, went for him,
' something of the fashion ot a cata-
! mount's assault upon a rival wildcat.
i The con diet was brief, but interesting.
! When the gentleman finally ended the
! struggle bv rolling out on the floor, the
i blood" wa "trickling down his face from
i n
iiiilfa ili.yen wounds, and there was
j ahollt enough hair on his head to make
j an Indian scalp lock. Since then the
gentleman has discouraged dreams and
and eschewed politics.
The Kar.
! The canal of the ear is narrowest at
! its center and widens at each extremity hy parading his command in front of the
I and at the inuerend thedruiu is placed. , "i in which Hardee had rooms. The
Xo attempt should be made to push nt.T ui.n tarti. came out upon, the bal
1 , ... ronv to review the coinniaml, ami the mih-
lauy ...s.....,.e..i. ....o
t ....... ir ..., l.a ca.i f,r it .ii'itr l'ier?.te
'";.:--- ... - ... "
Ol Iieari... 1 lUl Clu wmiKStii c jnwii-
ed beyond the narrow portion of the
e.i.-.t th w ill ri, still further on to
. , , . . . , ' grca. Cliriiifliv 10 sec wnai ine minim nun-
the drum and cause intense pain and, Sian(1(.rwouil)K ..
noise. The best means to get such ar- . )i)ke)1 at t). ,,,1 nill!)8 f(r a nimnent
tides out of the ear is to throw with j witn a gfi 0f perplexity upon his fore
aioderate force a stream of warm water : h-al ; then his face clcaretl, and he sluMit-
from a syringe against the obstruction, ( ed the order :
which will finally wash it out. Some- "Disentangle to the front ; man !u"
times a delicate hook may be bent from ! , "Whereupon the men rushed f.w.ir.1 and
. J . ,.;,..,-,. 1 formed a new line withiHit reg:ir. to the
a wire or ha.r-pm, and insinuated . f rfJ me arilw .1 tlc...,
around the object whence it cau be ex- , man(, wa9 in his own (ir any ,Au.T U)k
traded. If au insect, as often happens, ; on tac-tit-s, but tl:U it ought to lie.
creep into the ear, it may be killed by
a few drops of glycerine or sweet oil,
which will suffocate it, and then it may
be syringed out. If a button is in
the nose, usually a slender hook will
withdraw it if not, with a small stick
covered with cotton-wool, push It down ( Mhr wI jo-meJ by , strIpof wooJ
if possible, upon the floor of the nose, 1 The fan of the high priest3 of ,jU wa4
and thence tl'rough into the throa', f h ,f circ, e of
whence it will be coughed out of the." c " , .. .
mouth. feathers of different lengths. Such,
. too, were the fans carried in triumphal
si., iiuu . it it processions, and among which the
"Give me five cents, mister?" qucr-j Egvptians served as military standards
ried a corpulent woman on Murray !
street, a day or so ago. j
"Y'ou don't seem to be much iu j
need," replied the party solicited
"Y'ou are a pretty well-dressed, heal-i
tby-looking woman, and you have a;
lar"c basketful of groceries." I
"Y'es," she responded, "but I want
five cents. I want to hire a boy to car-
ry my basket to the ferry for me."
She didn't get it.
Dancer In a Seal Skin Sack.
It was a fearful battered up citizen
ess that walked into police headquar
ters the other day and demanded a
warrant.
"Certainly," said the P. A., picking
np a blank. "What Is the scoundrel's
name, madame ?"
"It wasn't a man. It was that ugly,
spiteful hnssy, Mrs. McGnffey. I'll
have her heart's blood J"
"You don't mean to say that it was
a woman that battered you np in that
fearful manner?"
"I'll tell you all about It. You see
the disgusting creature lives next to
me.
"Anil this morning I was jnst polish
ing up our cake basket real silver
your honor when what should I see
going past the window but Mrs.Guffey
starting out for a walk in a seal skin
sack
"Y'es, madame, but "
"The idea of her in a seal skin when
she can hardly pay her rent. I just
ran to the window to see if it was a seal
skin or not, and leaned out to look "
"I insist, my good woman "
"And I leaned and I leaned and
the first thing I knew, I fell clean out
on my head."
"And that's what injured you in this
manner?"
".Exactly, sir. Now I want to get
her arrested and sent to jail for ten
years, if you can fix it that way. Seal
skin sack, indeed !"
But the official heartlessly refused to
interfere, and the female wreck walk
ed off, consoling herself with the re
lection that it was wash day, and that
it all events, she could cut all the
clothesline tied to her back fence and
et down the McGuffev linen, into the
iir
Bee On The Wing.
When a swarm leaves for the woods tliev
are off before you fairlv know it. Thev
drift away fro.,, the hive in a wide-spread
and apparently aimless concourse, then sud-
dcnly gather up their skirts draw together
tht.ir fiww, away th.v 20. a humming.
flying vortex of bees," the queen apparently
in the centre and the mass revolving about
her as a pivot, over orchards and meailows.
atruss c1""'1 aud swamps, or w.kkU an.l
twentVShUlitlgS !"""' ", S Nraigui "e api"'-u
- . j tree, slow at hrst. so that vou can keep up
a quarter better, . . ,. , , nr,.tiv ;ti, . np.Hl th:.t
1 . - 1
would tire a fox-hound. In this tlk'ht the
individual bees do not move in right lira.,
strai,,lt forward ,iUe a fll.k of binK ,,ut
..d aua round like chaff in a whirlwind;
unitedly they form a whirling, revolving,
nebulous mass fifteen or twenty feet across,
bat g--s as straight as a projectile to its
SwTeKw?
t'ree w Uh t
up or low down. A swan,, of mine ran
away from the new patent hive 1 gave them,
and took up their quarters in the Imllow
' tnmk of an old apple-tree across an adji lin
ing held. 1 lie entrance was a mouse-hole
I near the ctoiiiiiI. Another swann in the
neighl.rliool deserted tlieir k.vp r and
went into the conii-e of an out-house thai
stood amid evergreens in the reur of a large
niaiisioii. But there is no accounting f
the taste of lu es, as :i!i!Snn fuuml lien he
dis.nvere.1 the swarm in the carcass or
FT.??- ' l"" """ "
in.n si.un.
"Nut In My Line, Moeiatily.
Sport levels rink for the time Wing.
IVvotecs of the turf will 'talk horse" with
anyone at a rure, however particular tliev
may lie a! a ait tlieir associates in every iLiy
life. K it they miss it sometimes. Nut
long since a well-known Boston minister
i e r 1 T. I. g . .
anil ei.ii'ir. i:.li.eii oi.tie ;ls .iiihi. .or ins
r , a(, as fl.
.Snildn.-s. ia-:icp and nrav.T." was trvinj'
. answered the other. "You can't have for
, gotten that utile race we nan ycst. riiav.
continued the minister. No, of course
but a 'brush' on the road is one thing, and
suliseiueiit acquaintance ipiite another.
You must excuse me: horse-trainers are
, m my line, socially," ami he bowed to
close the interview. You'll at least take
my card," said the clergyman, who had t.
pucker his mouth to keep frmi laughing,
if:.. t..r. 1.1..1 .... .0 . .... l...ui.i. I...1 .1 . ...L" t ! 1..
'"' "' ...............
, r""-1""'. ana-came uown
'l.isentangle. Marrlu"
General Hardee, whose manual of Infan
try tactics is so well known, was at one
time in an interior town, and the command
er of a 8ccond-cIass militia" company
sought to do himself and the general honor
!,ia officer put his men tliPMigh their paces.
... . .
i In one ol t ne maroeuvres tne men i-eiiine
.....1 i....w .,..,.
' ,r ? ' " 'vr . -
.;ir.iee, .I. Itll.Il l..e on, iwti ii.t
( could think of no possible way in which
. 'bey niight lie extri.-ateil, and waite.1 with
Iu India and China the original
model of the fan is said to have been
the wing of a bird; and an admirable
r.m thn 1ii'fira tw made from two
jn time ol war. The Sibyls are said to
nave been in the habit of fanning theni-
selves as they delivered their oracles
the fan being evidently not regarded
j those days as in any way connected
with frivolity; and even now, not in
the East alone, but in Europe, the fan
i plays an important part la certain re-
ligious ceremonies.
Do as your conscience dictates and
youwill not go far astray.
SOLD EVERYWHERE