J'
M fibAWft Mill
B. F. SCHWEIER,
THE OOSSTITUTIOII-THE UHION-AITO THE ENFORCEMENT OF THE LAWS.
Editor and Proprietor.
YOL. XXXIII.
MIFFLIN1WX, JUNIATA COUNTY, PENNA.. WEDNESDAY, MARCH -26, 1879.
NO. 13.
hi
H. T. HELMBOLD'S
COMPOUND
FLUID EXTRACT
BUCHU.
PHAEMACEUTICAL.
A SPECIFIC REMEDY FOR ALL
DISEASES
or tuE
For Debility. Lews of Memoir, lndUpoi
lion to Exertion or Bu-inesw, bortnesa of
Hmith. Trotitiled with Thought of OW-fase,
liiunej of Vision, Pain in the Itaclc. Chest,
mid Head. Rush of H1vh. to the Head, Pale
Countenance, and Dry Skin.
If thee symptom are allowed to go on,
very frequently EpHptic Kit and Con
sumption follo'w. When tbe constitution
bvoomeii afft-cted it requires the aid of an
lnriontilug medicine to strengthen and
tone up the ytem which
"Helmbold's Buchu
If
DOES IN EVERY CASE.
IS UNEQTJAjLED
Bv anv renitnlv known. It Is prescript by
(lie most eminent pliysfciaus all over the
il.i, in
KlietiuiatUm,
Spermatorrhea,
Neuralgia,
Nervousness,
Dyspepsia,
Indigestion,
Constipation,
Aches and Pains,
General Debility,
Kidney Diseases,
Liver Complaint,
Xerrous Debility,
Epilepsy,
Head Troubles,
Paralysis,
General Ill-Health.
Spinal Diseases,
Sciatica.
Deafness,
Decline,
Lumbago,
Catarrh,
Xerrous Complaints,
Ternale Complaints, fcc
Headache. Pain In the Shoulders, Cousta.
THzzlue, Sour Stomach. Eruption, Bad
Taste In the Moutn. Palpitation of the
Heart, Pain In the region of the Kidneys,
and a thousand other painful symptoms,
are I he offsprings of Dyspepsia.
Helmbold's Buchu
Invigorates the Stomach,
And stimulates the torpid Liver. Bowels.
ant Ridnevsto healthy sction. In cleansing
the blood of ill impurities, and imparting
new life and vlitor to the whole system.
A single trial will be quite sufficient to
convince the most hesitatiug of its valuable
remedial qualities.
PRICE ?1 PER BOTTLE
Or Six Bottle Cor S5.
iw-livered to any address free from observa
tion. - Patients " may consult by letter, receiv
ing the same attention ss by calling, by
auewering the following questions:
1. Give your name and post-office address,
eonuly and Stale, and your nearest express
office T
z. Yonr see and sex T
i. Occupation T
4. MaiTied or sincleT
a. Height, weight, now and In health?
6. How long have yon been flick T
7. Yourcomplexion.colorof hair and eyes?
& Have yon a stooping or erect gnitt
s. Kelate without reservation all you
know aqont yonr case. Enclose one dollar
an consultation fee. Vour letter will then
receive our attention, and we will give you
the nature of yonr disease and our candid
opinion concerning a cure.
competent PlivMctans attend to eorres
P"lenu. All let trig should be addressed
d l hP"pato,T' 1417 "Uuert trcet PnU
H. T. HELM BOLD,
Druggist and Chemist,
Philadelphia, Pa.
Ll KVERYWutKK. ; '
TWILIGHT. BURIAL
Thou ha passed from life, aud thou kuowest
it not ;
The light is qaenclied ill thine tyea, I wot,
The rose-red month, it a as wan aud sere,
And Uwa art dead, my poor, dead dear.
One summer nigl t, myself I saw
Thee laid in earth with a shuddering aire ;
The nightingales fluted low dire-like lays,
And the stars came out on thy bier to gaxe.
As the morning train through the wood defiles
Their litany peal up the branching aisles ;
The pine trees, in funeral mantles dressed,
Moan prayers for the soul that is gone to rest.
And as by the monutain-tarn we wound.
The elves were dauciug a fairy round.
They stopped, and they seemed, though start,
led thus.
With looks of pity to gaze at us.
And when we came to thy lone earth bed.
l lie moon came down from the heaven oer-
head.
She spoke of the lost one. A sob, a atound !
And the beiis in the far-away distance sound.
Indian Joe.
In the summer and autumn of IStiS I
was the 0erator iu charge of the Overland
Telegraph Company's office at Plum Ciwk
Station, Neb., aUml fifty miles west of
Fort Kearney.
Before I took charge at Plum Creek a
company of soldiers had been stationed there
to keep the unfriendly Indians in subjection
aud to subdue any outlireak on the part of
those who pretended to be on gotxi terms
with the Government. But affairs on the
plains being quiet, the presence of the troops
was considered no longer necessary, aud
they were ordered into Omaha.
Every one else out there being so confident
that no danger threatened them, I went to
work without any apprehension myself of
coming troubles. The company furnished
me with a good horse, two navy revolvers,
and a carbine, and my quarters were in an
adolie building, called in the parlance of the
plains a "dobey." The" walls were built of
sod, and the roof was built of strong cotton
wood logs in the place of rafters, and covered
with the same material that the walls were
composed of. In the suiiuimt time grass
and flowers grew up on the sides and top of
the "dobey," and made it a very pleasant
place of abode.
My communication with the people of the
world was rather limited, thttonly persons
j I ever saw being travelers in the overland
stage, movers in ox-wagons Ixjund for the
I Pacific slope, and an occasional visit from
a ranenman 01 tne plains.
For a while the novelty of being almost
entirely alone and free from the restraints
that civilized life imposes upon us was. very
pleasant, but when 1 became accustomed to
this, the silence of the desert during the
daytime was almost overpowering, and
there were times w hen I almost sighed for
a sight of even a hostile Indian. Tbe ship
wrecked sailor who is cast away in mid
ocean alone in a boat, finds some escae
from the lonesome stillness in the ft splash
ing of the waves, but a man alone on the
plains has not even that much noise to
break the dread monotony. There were no
birds there to charm the car and lend an air
if life to the scene,-except now and then the
screech of the desert hawk could he heard,
the notes of which were unmusical and far
apart. Sitting in my little office some days
everything was so bushed and still I could
almost imagine that everylxxiy else in tbe
world was dead, and that I had been left
behind as a sentinel guarding their torn! is.
I often found myself wrndering what the
feelings of a man would be if he knew there
was not a living being in the world Iwside
himself, and he was destined to live through
all ages to come surrounded by an everlast
ing silence. At night the scene from my
ollice window was weird and ghost-like,
but the ravenous coyotes broke tbe stillness
that reigned throughout the lay by snap
ping and snarling at each other until the
morning dawned.
For the sake of passing the time, I got to
firing at the creatures with my carbine and
revolvers, and it was astonishing to note
how quick they would devour one when he
fell, pierced by a bullet. Some nights I
would kill four or five, and in the morning
when I went out to see what remained of
their carcases, not a lione would le found
left behind. In time I discovered tliat they
would tear the flesh from the bones and
then carry them to their lairs to pick duriifg
the day. I killed buffalos, antelopes and
jack-rabbits until I wearied of even that
kind of sport, aud so glad was I to see any
human, the ugliest and most ignorant man
on the globe would have been an honored
and welcome guest. After remaining a
month in that vast solitude, I resolved to
throw up my position although it was a
lucrative one and go where I could have
the company of at least one human being,
but an incident occurred just at that time
which caused me to alter my determination.
Sitting one day in the door of my "dobey"'
peeling some potatoes for dinner, Iwas
startled by the appearance of a shadow but
a little distance from me. Glancing up
suddenly, "Lo! tbe poor Indian" was
standing a few feet from the door with
lordly mien and an air which I thought de
noted an intention to possess himself of my
scalp. Not desiring, however, to part with
it, I sprang from my seat and had him
covered with my carbine before he had
time to "get the drop" on me,
'Pale face no shoot. Heap good friend,'"
said he, "Me good Injun, and do heap
work for pale faces. Cooky aud wash
good. Pawnee brave ugh !"
At first I was under the impression tliat
there was more than one present, bnt when
I discovered my mistake I put down my
carbine and felt no further alarm.
He told me he had lecn captured by the
Sioux from tbe Pawnee trilie, but had es
caped from bis captors, and if I would let
him stay he would work for me, and be
"heap big clever Injun."
I hailed his coming with delight ; in the
first place because I wanted some kind of a
companion, and in the second Ix-causc I was
fond of studying the Indian character, and
here was a splendid opportunity of gratify
ing the whim, I made him wash himself
thorouglilv, and put on a suit of my clothes,
and found when he was decently rigged
out, sans war-paint, feathers, and other
gewgaws, that he was a tolerably fair speci
men of the genus homo.
He bad a long Indian name I could not
spell or pronounce, so I proposed to him to
change it to "Joe," This suited him
greatly, and all during the day, while he
was washing the pots and doing the "house
work"' gem-rally, I could hear him saying
to himself: tit
"Pale-faced chief call me Joe, Joe, Joe.
Pale-face heap clever and good to Joe. Joe
will tell Pawnee chief about pale-faced
chief, and make him give pale-faced chief
heap squaws!" .
I mistrusted him at first, fearing tliat he
would run off with my horse and fireajins,
but in time I learned to trust him implicitly
and became very fond of him. The sequel
to my story will prove bow worthy he was
of niT confidence,
Ah ! what roval tune we had together,
chasing the antelope and buffalo. My -teresTrevived
in this sport, after the pro
tracted silence was broken, and some days
we would wander many miles out on the
plains. Joe was fleet of foot, and could
walk all. day long without the least sign of
fatigue. Occasionally I would take him up
behind me, but he generally insisted upon
walking, and I let him have his way. He
was particularly solicitous about my com
fort and convenience, and every day I was
delighted with the development of new
phases in bis character. He had a noble
mind, and was as sympathetic and soft
hearted as child. He bad, too, an air of
chivalry and courtesy about him, which
was peculiarly engaging, and needed noth
ing but the opportunity to make himself a
real courtier. I tried to induce him to eat
with me, but he could not be prevailed
upon to do so, always standing by me with
a deferential air, and anticipating all my
wants. I was greatly astonished at his
general decorum, and often wondered where
he acquired his gentle and often dignified
manners, never having noticed such char
acteristics in any other Indian. All the
reward be asked for his faithful services
was kind treatment, and assurances from
me that I appreciated him.
He came one day where I was cleaning
my pistols, the perfect personification of
commiseration and grief. I observed that
he was deeply disturbed, but waited for
him to speak.
Finally he said, "Pawnees soon get on
war path big. Mixing their paint now.
Pale-faced chief have to leave "fore long, or
Pawnees take scalp of pale-faced chief.
Joe can't save pale-faced chief if he stay,
but will tell him when to leave."
After this I frequently heard him mutter
ing to himself. 1 beard him say one morn
ing: "Pawnees heap kill pale-faces when get
war-paint on. Shan't kill pale-faced chief,
for Joe w ill save him. Joe will never see
jiale-faced chief after he runs away from
Pawnee braves. Poor Joe! Poor Joe!"
Then he would weep bitterlv, seeming to
suffer the most poignant sorrow.
A week or ten days after this warning he
came to me and said :
"Pale-faced chief mast close his wigwam
and go where the pale-faces are thick as
the leaves on tlie trees" (meaning Fort
Kearnev, where a larse number of soldiers
were stationed).
"The Pawnee braves have got on war
paint and their plumes, and many ranchmen
and stagemen be sent to the happy hunting
grounds. Pale-faced chief has been Joe's
brother. When he goes away Joe will go
too, for Joe has told the Great Spirit he will
never take any more scalps from the pale
faced chiefs brothers. Pale-faced chief
must go away."
I had made up inv mind to pi when Joe
gave the final warning, for it never entered
my bead to doubt bis wicj alxmt the
threatened outbreak of the Pawnees.
I asked for a relief, and a voting man
about twenty years of age was sent down the
road to take mv place, I was called a
coward for desiring to leave, but I felt as
strongly as I ever felt anything in my life
that 1 was fleeing from a place where cer
tain death awaited me if I remained. I
made preparations to leave that night on
the same stage tliat brought my relief.
A short time before dark Joe bundled up
his blankets and tbe little mementoes 1 bad
given him. I had a beautiful little ivory-
framed looking-glass, anil, knowing how
longingly he had looked upon it all the
time he had lieen with me, 1 gave it to him,
together with a photograph of myself. A
miser never gazed upon his hoarded piles
of gold more lovingly than Joe did upon
these simple gifts. With tears streaming
down his cheeks he sai xxl-by, and struck
out across the sterile plains, bearing a bur
den of gnef. I watched his receding form
disappear in the gathering gloom, and won
dered if, during the lonely Indian's sojourn
with me, I had succeeded in instilling into
bis mind anv new ideas l-aring upon human
life!
Ah, the savage has a soul as well as the
saint, and Joe, as he wandered on and
thought of what his "white brother had
told him during the time they had occupied
together that little isolated "dobey" on
the plains, doubtless felt his humble heart
thrill with emotions he had never liefore ex
perienced. I boarded the Eastern stage
that night, feeling confident that the next
few days would be big with fate.
I warned the ranchmen and stage station-
keepers as we passed along of their impend
ing danger, but mv warnings were treated
as the nervous apprehensions of a man "not
from the State. On the third night after
my departure from Plum Creek I arrived at
Omaha at a late hour. The next morning
I awoke, got up and hoisted the wintlow in
mv room at the Herndon House aud looked
out on the street.
I heard a newsboy cry out, "Here's your
morning paT8. AH aixHil me inuian
massacre !" IVocurine a paper, I turned to
the telegraphic columns, and this is what I
saw:
"Terrible Indian Massacre The lied
Devils A train on the War-path Ranchmen,
Stage Station-keepers, and Telegraph Oper
ators Ruthlessly Butchered The Operator
at Pluni Creek, After Being lirutaliy
Scalped, Has a Wooden Stake Driven Down
His Throat.
Was it Providence that saved me from a
terrible tragic death, and led the other man
into its very jaws ?"'
I cannot answer this question, out l can
say that Indian Joe has ever since been
a grand hero in my sight, and nothing would
gratify me more than to meet him again.
Juvenile Ingratitude,
A woman eets on the train and says a
very warm-hearted good-bye to a great cub
of a sixteen-year-old boy, who sets down
her bundles and turns to leave the car wild
a gruff grunt that may mean good-bye or
anything else. There is a little quiver on
her lip as she calls after him :
"Be a good boy ; wnte to me oiten, ami
do as I tell you."
He never Ixks around as lie leaves tne
r. He looks just like the kind of a boy
who will do just as she tells him, but she
must be careful to tell him to do Just as he
wants to. I have one bright spark of con
solation as the train moves on and I see
that bov performing a clumsy satire on a
a clog dance on the platform. Some of
tlK-se days be will treat some manasgrumy
and rudely as he treats his mother. Then
the man will climb on to him and lick him
pound the very sawdust out of him.
Then the world will leel better ana nappicr
for the licking he gets. It may be long de
ferred, but it will come at last. I almost
wish I had pounded him myself, while he
is voumr and I felt able to do it. He may
grow np into a very discouragingly rugged
man, extremely ujiucuit to uck, ana ine
world may have to wait a very long time
for this act of justice. It frequently hap
pens that these bad boys grow up into dis
tressingly bad men.
Shrewdn
I and Ability.
Hod Bitters, so freely advertised In
all the Baners. secular and rellgious.are
having a large sale, and are supplant
ing all other medicines, lhere is no
denying the virtues of the Hop plant,
and the proprietors of these Bitters
have shown freat - shrewdness and
ability In compounding a Bitters, whose
virtues are so palpable to every one's
observation. Exchange.
Anierleaa Enterprise.
Recuperative power, the will and the
energy to encounter and overcome dif
ficulties, is the leading characteristic of
Americans as a people. When sudden
disasters come upon them, instead of
yielding to depression, they set vigor
ously to work and Uie time usually
given to lamentation is devoted to the
repair of damages aud the rebuilding ot
a better structure upon either physical
or financial ruins. Thus have we seen
a new Chicago rear its bead amid the
ashes ot a wide-spread and desolating
conflagration. The fire swept away tho
wooden edifices and they were replaced
by marble. We have seen, too, in this
generation, the greatest civil war of
moderu times riging over ever section
of the country. Xo sooner, however,
had the clash of arms ceased than tbe
work of reconstruction was recom
menced and wise measures adopted to
coment again that Union framed by our
fathers that it might be bequeathed
"one and inseparable" to our pros-'
perity.
But it is not necessary that we should
go so far afield for evideuces of tbe
elasticity of the American character.
On the 9th of November last a fire broke
out in that pioneer and most popular
of watering-places, Cae May City,
which, in a few short hours, swept
away all the large hotels, with a single
exception, together with the humbler
but handsome cottages inhabited dur
ing the summer months by private
families. Everywhere the eye turned
was one scene of devastition and deso
lation. To all intents and our poses
Cae May City was utterly destroyed.
L'uder such circumstances what was
the action taken by those most deeply
interested? Did they idly fold their
arms and relinquishing all hopes aban
don themselves to despair? This was
not the true American spirit. On the
contrary, while the embers were still
smouldering, they took a calm survey
of the entire field. The Xew Jersey
railroad company (operated by the
Pennsylvania railroad company) which
ha already done ko much in tbe way
of speedy and safe transportation for
that city by the sea, came nobly to the
front and offered to deliver building
materials either at reduced rates or free
of cost Temporary tracks were built
to facilitate the moving of heavy
freights. The City Councils agreed to
exempt the larger hotels, when rebuilt
from taxation lor the term ol live vear. ,
An impulse was thus given to the work j
of reconstruction and tbe following
improvements having been commenced j
will be completed iu time for the present ;
season.
The new Congress Hall, a brick struc
ture of 200 rooms, about half the capa
city of the former building. It is lour
stories high, the upier being mansard
roof. It extends 100 feet east and west,
and 2 1 feet north and south, located
fifty feet farther on the lawn, and the
west w iug being luuch nearer tbe sea
than formerly, the end being opposite
the West End House on Congress
street, but ouly extending half across
the law n. Washington street is to be
cut through from Perry to Congress,
and the ollice, main entrance, etc., is
on Washington street. The kitchens,
etc., are one story and placed on Terry
street, half-way between the former !
hotel ollice and the sea.
Mr. Geo. Fryer's cottage, foot of
Perry street, is up and the third story
joist crossed. it is being weather
boarded. The Avenue House of Mrs.
Michael Biern, in front of Fryer's, is
having the basement dug, and will go
up at once,, to be done by May 13. Jlr.
Doughty is still to conduct it. King's
cottage, foot of Jackson street, is partly
raised aud joist laid. He is excavating
cellars on Iiecatur street, where the cot
tages were burned there. Victor Ienizot
is raising his house at the foot of Ieca
ur street. It is much larger than the
cottage. Mr. A. McConnell's cottage,
half burned, is nearly rebuilt, and Mr.
Rudolph's, w hich was but slightly dam
aged, is entirely finished. Mr. Mc
Conuell will rebuild the bouse adjoining
bis. which was wholly consumed.
Mr. Jere E. Meeray is raising hi- cot
tage on Jackson street, alongside of the
Centre House site. He will not rebuild
the Centre. The Stockton bath house
site is graded ready for the structures.
They and Mr. King's are to be two
stories high a novelty here. On How
ard street, Mr. Robb's cottage is up,
enclosed and under roof. The Chal
fonte addition ot 110 feet is drawing to
completion. The Whitney cottage,
foot of Congress street, is to be con
verted into a roomy hotel for 200 people.
The Stockton House is to have an ad
diton, but ground is not broken for
either it or Whitney's yet.
It Is said the West Jersey railroad
will run its rails to Sea Grove and the
steamboat landing this summer. The
cross-ties are lying at the creek bridge
on Broadway, and stakes are driver,
across the 3Iark Devine property and
marsh for half a mile. The stake struck
the creek half a mile west of the Excur
sion House, and rumor says it follows
the beach after leaving Mark Devine's
land. The U. S. authorities will not
allow the locomotive to cross near the
light-house tower, as the jar will injure
the structure. Mr. Xash, of Philadel
phia, formerly of the Arctic House here,
has the Excursion House this summer.
Mr. Brola&ky's summer cottage here
has tbe columns supporting the veran
dahs of both stories, made from the
rough trunks of cedars as they grew in
the woods, barked, but with the knots
prominent where the branches were
hewn off. The brackets are formed
tfrom he natural branch lelt on the
trunk.
Dr.Emlen Physick'ssuperb residence,
near Schellcngers Landing, awaits a
chauge in the weather to enable the
plasterers to proceed with their work.
Capt. W.H.Mills is about to rebuild
his bouse, burned January 4th, on
Washington street.
The Columbia Hotse will very pro
bably go up again on the lawn close to
the sea, strong talk to that effect now
pervading the air.
Thus almost before the roar of the
flames has ceased there will rise again
on the shores of the Atlantic a renewed,
regenerated, though not a more salu
brious or popular Cape May.
"After the American Fashion."
A young student at a ball at Pesth, Hun
gary, resented the attentions one of his
fellow guests paid to a young lady whom
he chose to esteem his particular sweetheart,
and took advantage of the first opportunity
tliat offered to tread on his rival s toes.
Next day the latter called on him.
"You have insulted me grossly," he said.
"and I demand satisfaction. Being the
insulted party I have the right to choose the
means of righting myself. I suggest a
duel after tbe American fashion.
"What the deuce is that ?" demanded the
insuiter. ,
'Simply to put a white and biack bean
in a liat and draw without looking.
"And then!"
"WelL then, the one who draws the black
bean is bound in honor to blow his brains
out within ten days."
The student lost. Nine davs later he
burst into the room of a friend in great agi
tation. "For the love of heaven lend me five
florins, old lmy !" he exclaimed.
"Five florins !" was the resjxMise ; "why,
I haven't got the ghost of a brass ixmny."
"Tien," crii-d the duellist after the
American fashion, "I am a doomed man !'
"Doomed! How?"
"ItiatL"
And he hamled him a note, while he drew
a revolver and flourished it with niclotlra-
niatic d -spend ion.
"Sir," meanwhile read the friend, "nine
days ago I challenged you to a duel after
tlie American fashion, and you lost. To
morrow it is your duty as a man of honor
to blow your brains out. As I am hard
up at present, 1 will, however, sell you
your life for five florins. Yihi will find me
waiting at the dxr."
"And is it for this you want the five
florins?" asked the reader.
"It is. I must liave them, or kill my
self." "With what ?"
"With this!"
And he exhibited the revolver.
"Old boy," said the mentor, eagerly,
"there is a gunsmith shop next door. He
will give you five florins for tliaL"
"Happv thought!" exclaims the duelist.
I'll lxxk it!"
And ten minutes later he had ransomed
himself.
llijoh's (iood Heart.
Bijuli was picking up things in the cor
ridor and making ready for court, when the
occupant of cell Xo. K commanded his at
tention. It was a young woman. She had
been on a sort of Christmas bridal tour by
herself, and she bxiked something like a
cornstalk struck by lightning.
"Xow, old man," she began, as he opened
the door, "I'm not going into court looking
this way. I want soap, water, towels,
comb, brush ami a little cologne, and 1 wish
you would send down to the house after my
Sunday hat and plum-colored silk. You
don't hapjx'n to have a diamond ring you
could lend me, do you ?"
Bijah's gixl heart prompted him to scrub
around ami help her fix up, but all be could
raise was a pail of cold water, a bar of yel
low soup and three ten-penny nails. The
prisoner's apjearunce was therefore not ex
ceedingly stylish as she made her debut in
the court noin.
Sarah Eastman, do you always celebrate
Christmas in this singular manner ?" in
quired his Honor.
"1 shall leave for Ann Arbor this morn
ing," she quietly replied.
"Five days ago I suspended sentence on
you that you might go to Ann Artxr," said
the court.
"Yes, sir, and five days ago my sister out
tluTe telegraphed me not to come, as she
was dying. We never go to see each other
tlie in our family, and so I didn't start."
You were conducting yourself in a very
disorderly manner when arrested."
"I beg pardon, sir. I lrnd just taken
a seat in a sleigh."
"But the sleigh belonged to an old milk
man whom you had pitched overlxard.
Miss Eastman, I can't permit such conduct,
no matter if it was Christmas. It is setting
a tad example for Xcw Year's."
"Yes, I shall proceed to Ann Arlxir this
morning," she observed as she felt to see if
her ear-rings were safe. "
"By way of tlie Work House," added
the court.
"You may think so, but I shall take sup
per in Ann Arlxw to-night," Bhe calmly
remarked as she picked up the trail of her
dress.
When last seen she was eating a frozen
apple on the front seat in an omnibus and
making up faces at an old woman on the
other side of the street, but perliH)S she
reached Ann Arbor all right.
That Match la On.
He was a Philadelphia young man. He
loved her to distraction, but her stern and
vigorous pa could not tolerate the young
man, so their troubles from the very start
seemed almost unlicarable. He lived on
West Walnut street, antl parted his hair
straight down the middle, was gallant and
gixxl-looking, but he was ungodly and pro
fane, and the stern parent, who was like
wise a deacon, had forbidden him the house.
But, for her sake, on the first of the year he
made such resolutions as converted him
immediately into a saint, and it was a source
of great solace and pride to her to catechise
him every eveuing at their stolen meetings,
to learn from his own lips his close observ
ance of his new-made vows. Last night he
ttxik her home from church, and they were
shivering in the cold, dark entry, when she
again questioned him alxwt his new obliga
tion, "for," said she, "when pa learns that
you have given up your bad habits, and do
not say naughty words, I think he will
relent "
"Ju ia," he replied with warmth, squeez
ing her delicately-moulded hand with fer
vor, I am true to my word. The fellows
say that I am knuckling too much to your
venerable dad, but blow the fellows so long
as you are happy."
"George," said she, reproachfully, "is
not your conversation tinged with expres
sions not exactly naughty, but just a little
bit slangy?"
"Xo, my dear," be responded ; "for your
sake I would not be guilty of words that
are regarded as off. His nilie, your dizzy
old dad, is a queer eld cove, and is about
four times too stuffy for modern times. For
you I have bulged on the boys and settled
down like a brick. If he don't come down
and recognize me and permit me to visit
you decently, then he's an old blue mass "
The pound of gum drops which he was
alxut to present to her fell in a shower in
the street. The dose of "blue mass" lifted
him horizontally fifteen' feet, and as he
turned the last time before lighting in the
gutter he saw the dexter leg of her vig
orous pa lightly descend beside its mate.
When he recovered his senses, and crawled
across the roadway on his bruised knees, he
thought he heard her sire exclaim :
"Julia, I think this match is off!"
Caseful Mr. Mriker.
In case you want to send a box or
parcel to the house the twenty-five cent
express wagons are very bandy things,
but your directions may not always be
understood. Mr. Striker had had his
parcel carted all over town and tbeu
left at a police station, and once when
he sent a wagon after a stove needing
repairs, the man brought back a two
inch auger aud a set of harness. When
he sent him back with them the driver
missed the house entirely and left the
article at a school house. Therefore,
when .Mr. Striker wanted to send up a
parcel yesterday forenoon he ap
proached an expressman and began :
"Sir, my name is Striker."
" Yes, sir."
" I speU it S-t-r-i-k-e-r."
"Yes, so do I."
" I live at i'Mi Blank street."
Yes, 1 know."
" My house is a brick, three trees iu
the front yard, iron fence, bay w indow,
stone dog iu the yard, and name ou the
door plate."
' Y'es, sir; I can go right there,sir."
" I want this bundle taken up," said
Mr. Striker.
Y'es, sir."
" Remember the place, 40G Blank
street," cautioned Mr. Striker.
"Ah! but couldn't I drive right to
i he house in the darkest night of the
year?" was the indignant answer as
the man drove off.
After driving one block he turned
around and put the whip to his horse
until he overtook Mr. Striker, when he
called out :
" Was it 320 you told me, 'cause I
was thinking of my sick wile and the
number flew out of my mind."
" 4116, you idiot ! " yelled Striker, as
he wheeled around. ' Here it is on
this card ! "
" Y'es, sir, and I can find it like a
book."
In about an hour the man appeared
at the store and inquired lor Mr. Sto
ker, and Mr. Striker indignantly de
manded if that parcel had been deliv
ered.
Ah ! you are the man I was Ik Jiing
for! 1 couldn't And your house Mr.
Stoker.'
"Slokier! you human hyena my
name's Striker!"
"Is it? Then I made a mistake.
Striker Striker I'll remember it if it
kills me. Excuse me, sir, but I never
got confused before, and I'm all right
now."
The man rattled away at a furious
pace, and Mr. Striker" saw no more of
him until reaching home. The chap
was wailing for him three doors below,
and at once began :
"Mr. Stooks, they say you don't live
here and they won't take the parcel."
"Stooks! Why, 1 11 kill you ! My
name is Striker!"
" Is it ! Well, that beats me."
"This isn't my house, of course. My
house Is 4i;. Didn't I give you the
number on a card ?"
" Why, yes, of course. Dear me, bnt
how confused I am ! Xo wonder 1
thought your name was Sloeum instead
of Sirus!"
Onvytng Orders.
Old Bilk, a Xorth Carolinian, was, 1-
sides magistrate, sheriff antl wm-kniastcr,
the proprietor of a country store. Like all
such stores, it was the rendezvousof village
loafers who clustered there every night,
plaving poker, eenerallv with old Billy's
clerk, and liesidea drinking the old man's
liquor, sient his moiu-v, lent them bv the
confidential clerk. Old Billy suspected
what was going on, anil came down on them
suddenly one night, and liefore they could
hide themselves, "Xehemiali, the clerk,
got 'Jesse," but was forgiven on promising
to sin no more.
"Xehemiali,"' said Billv, "never let a
soul in again after eight o'clock." Xelie
minh promised olxNlicnce: But next
night the crowd was at work as usual,
ami Billy thought he wimld go down antl
see how things went on. Accordingly down
he went aud knocked at the door.
"Who's theref" cried Xehemiali.
"It's me. Mr. , open the door."
"Xo; Billv told me never to let anv one
in after eiuht o'clix k, antl I ain't going to
do it."
'But Xehemiali, it's me. Ojx'n the door
one moment.
"Xo ; none of your gammon ; you sound
mightily like hiiu, but it won't go down; so
travel, or dod nit your hide if I don't give
vou a shot with this old blunderbuss, vou
dog-goned humbug!"'
Billy waited to hear no more, hut started
off like a quarter-horse, confident that Xe
hemiah was a reformed man, and the next
tlay doubled his salary t
Cartons Watehe.
Curious and singular watches with still
more curious and singular cases, were in
former days quite generally in vogue. An
English archbishop in his last wuL written
down three hundred years ago, says : "I
bequeath to my right rcverened brother
Richard, Bishop of Ely, iuy cane, w hose
head contains a watch," Such walking
canes with watches, and still more frequent
ly, rings with watches, are still preserved
in not a few of the collections of curiosi
ties. One of the electoral princes of Saxo
ny hail a watch in his ruling sadtile. Pious
persons of those davs used to wear watches
in the form of enwses. One of these is
known under the name of "the watch of
the ahliess." It was made two hundred
years ago for the abbess of a convent, and
has on its case a numlier of scriptural pas
sages. Another one of the same form has
pagan and scriptural mottoes, and also the
figures of Diana and Endvmion. The
ladies of that time also liked to wear
watches having the form of litle books,
through the fiiigraincd covers of which the
watch face was visible.
A Poor Little " Doggy."
A lady carrying a email lapdog in her
arms ascended the steps of a Sutter
street mansion the other day and ex
citedly rang the bell. "Quick!" she
said earnestly to the servant girl, " tell
me, is there company in your parlor?"
"Xomum; why?"
" Because little Bijou here is going to
have a fit ; has 'em every three weeks
regular, and I see one coming now. I'm
afraid he'll injure himself out here on
the pavement. Xow if you'll only lend
me your parlor until the poor darling
gets through !"
But the heartless servant refused,
and the last seen of the lady she had
hired a passing coupe and was sitting
up with the driver sprinkling eologue
in through tne window while Bijou was
foaming at the mouth and clawing up
the silk cushions inside.
A Bad Fix.
At an early hour a woman called at the
pnetotnee and purchased a three-cent stamp,
and had it already "licked" to paste on her
letter, when she discovered tliat she had
left the letter at home. She received the
heartfelt sympathies of the stamp clerk and
went home for tlie letter. At 1 1 o clock.
when the stamp window was besieged by a
crowii, the woman returned, having the
letter in one hand and a minute fragment
of a postage stamp in the other.
"Stand out of the way for a rxxir dis
tressed woman !" she called out as she made
for the window, and those who didn't oliey
were poked aside in a way to lie remem
bered by their ribs. The change which one
buyer was alxmt to pocket was swept off
tbe board on the nxr by her anus, and she
belli the fragment of stamp and exclaimed
to tlie clerk :
"Do you dare deny, sir, that you sold
me a three-cent stamp two hours ago ("
"I think I sold you a stamp," he replied.
'And I didn't have my letter here. Af
ter I'd taten all the paste off the stamp I
couldn't find my letter. You remember'"
' i es, I remember.
"Well, sir, I carried that stamp all the
way home on the tip of my finger, antl I
laid it down on the windy-sill till I could
find my letter, and what did my little
Clarence do but pick it up antl begin to
chew away, and by the time I could choke
his mouth open nothing was left hut this
little bit,"
"And you want anolher ?"
"I demand another, sir, in place of this!"
"I coultln't do that"
"But you'll have to! This is the stamp
I bought of you! Ltxk for yourself and
see. I make onth that I never put it on a
letter. Am I to be cheated out of my three
cents in a !nw-k-handcd way ?"
The crowd begun to call out and jostle
her, but by a vigorous use of feet and el
Ixiws she cleared the space again and saitl :
"I demand a new stamp!"
The clerk tried to explain how she
couldn't get one in exchange, but she in
terrupted :
"Have I got to murder my child and get
the rest of the stamp ! Xever! I'll never
leave this windy till I have a new stamp to
put on my letter to Thomas!"'
Tlie clerk tried to explain again, but she
brought the letter down with a thump and
said :
"I'll leave this letter here. It is to mv
Thomas in Port Huron. If he doesn't set
it in three tlays you'll h-ar from me and my
four big girls awl three sons, anil when otir
family gets started on a row we never stop
for the biggrst postofiice in America!"
At dark the clerk was undecitltiL He
dix-sn't like to lie bluffed into going down
for hb small change, but in the dim future
he sees a solemn procession, headed by a
determined old lady, marching down the
corridor to make a vacancy in the ranks of
government.
9 m
A Pro at the Chert.
George W. Peck, of the La Crosse
Suit, recently delivered an address be
fore the Wisconsin State Dairyman's
Association. The following is an ex
tract from the witty document:
F'Vmr t'rtnm-'t-tiimists: In calling
upon me, on this occasion, to enlighten
you upon a subject that is dear to the
hearts of all Americans, you have got
the right man in the right place. It
makes me proud to come to my old
home and unfold the truths that have
been folded since I can remember. It
may be saitl by scoffers, ami it has been
said to-tlay, in my presence, that I
didn't know enough toeven milk a cow.
I deny the allegation ; show me the al
ligator. If any gentleman present has
got a cow here with him, and a clothes
wringer, I will show you whether I can
milk a cow or not. Or, if there is a
cheese mine here handy, I will demon
strate that I can ntnntt.
The manufacture of cheese and but
ter has been among the earliest indus
tries. Away back in the history of the
w orld, we find Adam and Eve convey
ing their milk from the garden of Eden,
in a one-horse wagon, to the cool spring
cheese factory, to be weighed in the
balance. Whatever iay be said of
Adam and Eve to their discredit in the
marketing of Ihe products of their
orchard, it has never been charged that
they stopped at the pump and put wa
ter in their milk cans. Ikubtless you
all remember how Cain killed his bro
ther Abel because Abel would not let
him do the churning. We can picture
Cain and Abel driving muley cows up
to the house from the pasture in the
northeast corner of the garden, and
Abel standing at the bars with a tin
pail and a three-legged stool, smoking
a meerschaum pipe and singing, "Hold
the fort, for I am coming through the
rye," while Eve sat on the veranda
altering over her last year's polonaise,
and winking at the devil w ho stood
behind the milk-house singing, "I want
to bean angel." After be got thro'
milking he came up and saw Eve blush
ing and he said, "Madam, cheese it,"
and she chose it.
But to come down to the present day,
we find that cheese has become one of
the most important branches of manu
facture. It is next in importance to
the silver interest. And, fellow cheese
mongers, you are doing yourselves
great injustice that you do not petition
Congress to pass a bill to remonetize
cheese. There is more cheese raised in
this country than there is silver, and it
is more valuable. Suppose you had not
eaten a mouthful iu thirty days, aud
you should have placed on the table
before you ten dollars stanied out of
silver bullion on one plate aud nine
dollars stamped out of cheese bullion
on another plate. Which would you
take first? Though the face value of
tbe nine cheese dollars would be ten
per cent, below the face value of the
ten silver dollars, you would take tbe
cheese. You could use it to better ad
vantage in your business. Hence, I
say, cheese is more valuable than silver,
aud it should be made legal tender for
all debts, public and private, except
pew-rent. I may be in advance of other
eminent financiers who have studied
the currency question, but I want to
see the time come, and I trust the day
is not far distant, when 412,' grains of
cheese will be equal to a dollar in cod
fish, and when tbe merry jingle of
slices of cheese shall be heard in every
pocket. Then every cheese factory can
make its own coin, money will be plen
ty, everybody will be happy, and there
never will be any more war. It may be
asked how this currency can be re
deemed? I would have an Incontro
vertible bond, made of lim burger
cheese, which is stronger and more
durable. When this is done you can
tell tbe rich from the poor man by the
smell of his money. Xow-a-days mauv
of us do not even get a smell of money,
but in the good days which are coming
the gentle zephyr will waft to us tb
able-bodied limburger, and we shall
know that nioney is plenty.
The manufacture of cheese is a busi
ness that a poor man can engage in as
well as the rich man. I say it without
fear of successful contradiction, aud say
it boldly, that a poor man with, say
two hundred cows, if he thoroughly
understands his business, can market
more cheese than a rich man who own
three hundred oxen. This is suscepti
ble ol demonstration. If my boy show
ed a desire to become a statesmau, 1
would say to him, "Young man, get
married, buy a muley cow, go to She
boygan county and start a cheese fac
tory." Speaking of cows, did it ever
occur to you, gentlemen, what a saving
it would be to you if you should adopt
muley cows instead of horaed cattle?
It takes at least three tons of hay and a
large quantity of ground feed annually
to keep a pair of horns fat, and what
earthly use are they ? Statistics show
that there are annually killed 45,000
Grangers by cattle with horns. Y'ou
pass laws . to muzzle dogs, because one
in ten thousand goes mad, and yet more
people are killed by cows. What the
country needs is more muley cows,
Xow that I am on tbe subject, it may
be asked, what Is the best breed for the
dairy? My opinion is divided between
the Southdown and Cochin China.
Some like one tbe best some the
other, but as for me. give me liberty or
give me death.
There are many reforms that should
be Inaugurated in the manufacture of
cheese. Why should cheese be made
round ? I am inclined to the belief that
the making of cheese round is a super
stition. Who had not rather buy a good
square piece of cheese than a wedge
shaped chunk, all rind at one end, and
as thiu as a Congressman's excuse for
voting back-pay at the other. Make
your cheese square and the consumer
will rise up and call you another.
Another reform that might be inau
gurated would be to veneer the cbeeso
with building-paper or clapboard, in
stead of the time-honored j iece of tow
el. I never saw cheese cut that 1 didn't
think that tbe cloth around it had seen
Service as a bandage ou some other
patient. But I may have been wrong.
Another thing that does not seem to be
right, is to see so many holes in cheese.
It seems to me that solid cheese, one
made by one of the old masters, with
holes in it I do not accuse you of
cheating, but don't you feel a little
ashamed when you see a cheese cur.
antl the holes are tbe biggest part ol it ?
The little cells may be bandy for the
skipjers, but the consumer feels the
fraud in his innermost soul. Among
the improvements made iu the manu
facture of cheese, 1 must not forget that
of late years the cheese does not resem
ble the grindstone as much as it did
years ago. The time has been when, t
the farmer could not find bis grind
stone, all he bail to do was to mortize a
hole in tbe middle of a cheese, aud turu
it ami grind his scythe. Before the in
vention of nitro-glyceriue it was a good
day's work to hew off cheese euougl.
tor a meal. Time has worked w onders
in cheese.
Value of the Slgaal Srrrloe.
Tlie system of danger signals, adopt
ed by tne I'nited States Government,
has proved of great benefit to shipping.
All along the coast are stations, at
which plainly visible signals are dis
played, to warn ship-captains of ap
proaching storms. The reports of ol
servers at the stations are required to
give all Instances in which vessels have
remainud in port on account of official
warnings given. In these cases danger
was avoided, ami statistics show that
disasters to shipping have been consid
erably fewer since the introduction of"
the cautionary signals. The agricul
tural interests of the country also have
been greatly benefited by the daily bul
letins sent to every farming district in
the land by tbe Weather Department.
These bulletins are made from tele
graphic reports received at appointed
centers of distribution, where they are
at once printed, placed in envelopes,
and addressed to designated post-oftices
in the district to be supplied. Each
postmaster receiving a bulletin has tbe
order of the Posmaster-General to dis
play it instantly iu a frame furnished
for the purpose. The bulletins leach
the different offices, ar.d are displayed
in the frames, on the average, at eleven
o'clock in the morning, making alout
ten hours from the time the report lelt
the chief signal officer until it appeared
placarded at every centre of the farm
ing population aud became accessible to
all classes even the mos: distant par.si f
the country. The information given
on these bulletins bas been found espe
cially valuable to those farmers who
take an interest in the study of meteor
ology, or the science of weather, and
the facts announced are so plain, that
any intelligent person may profit by
them. For instance, each bulletin now
announces, for its particular district,
what winds in each mouth have been
found most likely, and what least like
ly, to be followed by rain. Attention
given to this one simple piece of infor
mation will result in increasing the
gains and reducing the losses of har
vesting. Warnings of expected rises
or falls in the great rivers are made
with equal regularity, telegraphed, bul
letined in frames, and also published in
the newspapers, at the different river
cities. These daily reports give the
depths of water at different ponts in
the rivers' courses, and make it easy
tor river shipping to be moored safely
in anticipation of low water, when ig
norance might lead to the grounding
of the boats on sand-bars or mud-banks.
The notices of the probable heights
which freshets may reach, are followed
by preparations upon the " levees " aud
river banks, to guard against overflows.
II
1
V