i:c►c ZEiceittr (Norther. RASEIC7S7/0.5 mom, (rp STAHL%) olgyag tf TATE ST. AND rATIN. . s,ree,,pifit,npaa,l4asjettetarLY in advance.....n f . ill l in' °:iars'cAbers,served by carriers, Fifty Cents . CI:Y • • additional. nies to the same person 4 00 Too c 9 N eat to one address, ..... ........ ...... 10 00 qi ... 1 ,, ,,, ,7 , 1 e: 0 1 0 0 '`lu rates apply only to those who pay In Ornrice. c,ubwriptlehracennnts must be settled an ,oity. No pape - will be sent.to any person ~,,,,,,, reFpmsielllty Is not known, unless the _... 1 „, pia in advance, . . , P.`" ADVERTISING RATER. - i v %Ali ? v Is a a r d e ti orr Vert ng rates / which s :l l 'r ,-, t. ..fir e c t ertlsements an c l l n n ch r Ts cl gn n allfe t re " A ';':iorc Anvthing Ices than an Inch is rated ' 0 II ,kiusire • 5q.128.q. 3 sq.' I sq.! l 4 . c. 144 c 4 IC. I.oa. 1.7.1' 2.21 2.75, .5.00117.1:101Et4u vemA —.r so' 2.51) 1 n.tri 7.0 1 )J2.00 t 20.(X) 2. ,10 :Lon 5.00' R.50!15.410t 2.1.00 0 10 3.75' 4.5(1 /1.00,10.00 POO' 30 .011 . 5.00 F.5016.0025,00'4.5.00 12.411 M.001.00' 60.00 2 , 1,100 30.161.51,00 ...Xl.OO 30.00 !1.1.00 50.00 90.00 1.10.(s1 _ and Administrators' Not lees tudi , r ; and nstray Notices ".i.2 each; . • net in Leaded Non panel, and 1 .f ot e 'Marriages and Deaths. 2.; per t tinarida." n to regular rates ; Local Not leen, rt .t v .driv iti• part 1e5,15 eta. per Ilne of Eight for firqt r.ertion,l2 cents per line for set•- rent. for each subsequent inner ,•. Editorial Notices 25 cents per lino; Mar "np.: Deaths 2; cents ( - Itch. Myer. in.ortel every other week, two-thirds Per.on. handing in advertisements the period thew wish them pith. otherwke they wilt he continued until nig • at the expense of the advertisers. JOB PRINTING. .• sve one of the best Jobbing offices in the ad are prepared to do any kind of ', tr ee or small orders, at as reasonable. in a. good...tylo an any establishment • o,untry. • o rnmunIX•atIon... 11011111 be addressed to BEN T'N WHITMAN; Editor and Proprietor. thisintss _notices E. O.IMPFLU T REN, of tllO reae.4: Farrar If all Building', ocf,'6l-t f. _ III:7CILY M. 111111.1 , 3, krtnrtiov wt t a ti:.V, 1'4 , 301 f.trpot, . aornin ot, Erie, Pa. ' nr , ,onc:F. 11. CT - TLF.II., • -Tmsv, r 4:rrnr.l, Frio roontr, othor Im.int,s at tc , n(11.4 to with 4, 1 , :r.1)EN AlArtviN. kttnriievs and Conn.ellon , ) 0 1 , -.. - i'lr . v.Tork Moelc. ?war North \Ve,t 1.0)11. , mare, Fri.., Pa. lII)TF.T,, -r Ttnhert Legit e, PreNetor, ~ • innci • and careful attention ',VI comfort of guests. arigfyin. 1;1:All'I.F.Y Se BALL. in Piro.. Wltltpworwl. Clirrev. Aqh, • ,• t I,unnh.r. T.nth nn.l tsnlymlp.i. North of It. IL-pop - wt. Erlr, my'2-tf. r,rn • \V. (,11-7,:NNON t TAW, nn4 Justice of the Pea , e, • Ind Claim Agent, Conrevaneer nni col., In nlnderneehVg hlnett, conth of Fifth and State streets, Erie. Pa. ;-tf. • If. (()LF, k SON. Rl•tnk Bonk MannfaMnrri, Nltiortal Rank. ivli'tr7 -I f. nn,, n. L.' F.T.T.TOTT, "ON 3t•e+n °new ra I t.• 11 rowlOrt rn.•, ( 1 110 n hours from .1 1 ,1 A. M. to !t , e n d from Ito :1 I'. M. ncloll7-tf. sAT.I""A . NT.‘N CIL, •, - .lnie.nle anti netnil Deniers In Antlinvelto, amnnnd and Rlarßantith Vaal. Otilft , eornPr 1-11n4112t11 ctreet , i, Prte, Pa. 11,TSM 4,Nr. [se2l3-tf.] H. T. SALTSMAN. A. KING, Brewer and. Dealer In Flops, Darter, I,:itter,'Aie. Proprietor of Ale and Ilrowent.4 and Malt M'arelinti.eq. Erie, W. E. MAGILL, t.t. entire in Rn.enzwelk'% Block, north the Park, Erie. Pa. TI. y.PICKF:III.7sTO, D. b. S., !Wm.- Offire, French street, second Ntory rro:t ti 111 , ,1c, near the enrner of the Reed FiIANK WINCIIELL R CO_ 1, , ,,;:0n and Comm Morelionts,nna heal Atr,tmls, 5t41.4. ,trt•et icor-tier Ninth,) P.L. Advances made on con , lgnments. ~tintry Vendue' attended to In any Part or ‘11 , 0 , 1: WINCTIELL WM. MARKS r•olor and Clothes Cleaner, rnlon Blot*, e Dr. Bennett's office. Clothes made, elean -I..nd repaired on short notice. Terms a., rea rllllhle Mk any. C;f4PENCATC. ROOETt SHERMAN'. SPE:sa"Eit C FAITERIAN, morneys at Law, Franklin, Pa: On, in , res.llllll , llna.., Liberty street. Pltlinle City, ~,._otylee over Kemp's Bank., Flnlnulen street. ,Iltrtinns promptly matte in all parts of the reentei. - Jal2. 'NOBLE, BROWN . Wh , lesale dealers in bard and son ern!, File, '‘, Ravin!: dispo , ed of our doel: property to ..ahovo named firm, we npeessarili - mt Ire from rnal trade, recommend Inm our Nneeessors as -.lin..atly worthy of the vontidenen nnd patron :, ef . atir aid friends, and the public. scow. RANKIN & CO. Fa.h:nnahle Titi I or,Ei frit street. between State I Naell, Erie. Pa. Vostom Work, Repairing -A rutting attentlefl to promptly. lipl9lA-tf. P. P. JI'INIIV. A. WILDER.. JVLSON A: WILDER, 'llnufactarer, and Wnolosale 'Dealors in Tin , roan and Pres , ed Ware, Stove Pipe, Stove Trimminca, fie., Waterford, Erie Co., Pa. Or- I , rs by elan 'promptly attended to. Jnn9. EAGLE HOTEL, 4 , rpasite i'nlon Depot, Ede, Pa.. Jas. Camp proprietor. House - apen at all bourn. The •Ii• lir4 table always nupplled with the cdioleest Arita , markets afford. teh3o'6a-Iy. LIVERY AND BOARDING STABLE, , rncr of French and Seventh streets. Erte, ..r.ne.r&John , on proprietors. Good horses , arrlaces always on hand at moderate jyl2-tt. H. I.II)NTH.ONG ..tr •troc,..c, to Walker at Arm,trona, Wholo = loft 16rtail I).3lerA In Antitraelte and lit •rnow. C0r.14, Wood, Irfin Ore, fie, Offer 11. of Twelfth and, MTrtle streets. Pavt `•••, Lock Box Erie. pa.'l, K. kitn.rtz ft.tel9-1 r.l FOI.I.A.NKTME. % - prx ' 'll , atl,l 6 ICII. 10 NOM!' •'0,9;, ,, kd.tr aud n lark. Dr. Barrett.'s tI WOVt stll Rt. my161.77-!y* 13F.NNF".TT irousr., * , t Co.. Pa.. (lenrge fn,bor, L9etnr....tlon , l acconinlo.intions all.l Instr(7-tf: ciEfo. lIENNETT, M. P., ' and Surgeon. CHllee. Faust i'ark f4t., -r Fint a thtl , k's flour store,—boordq 10 the req. W. Kelso, 2d door south of the n. grell, on Sussnfra4 street. OffirP hour% •rri until P. an. - 1113,10*(rrtf. •..1 H. V. CLAUS. • .-• , a,:er , all kinds of Famil ,- Groceries and '‘I‘I.H. , , S`t One Ware, Sc., and whole-gated...ld " , n W!!as.l.lquorr,, Cigars, Tobacco, ..tc., tio-26 -,t Fifth strfs-t. Frio, Pa. - ifsvcrt-tf. .f. FII.ISEIt, M. 11., tro nprdtt - T , Piwatchtn find •Sttrueon. Office I 11,1 d0t•nce 61. N Peach St.. oppoBlto the Park Olio+ hone from 10 to 12 a: ni„ P to 5 p. and 7to p. JOHN H. MILLAR, F.ne,lneer and Surveyor. Residence cor :,4,ith ntrei,t and E,ed Avenue, East Erie. NEW STORE C`ronenix•rger, at the new briek Ftore, village, has on hand a large tlksort went PrOVlfilolll9, Woot and WllloW "4.37,, Wines, Liquors, riegars, to., to which lel 't.rtfulle ealls the attention of the public, `' l,o l-4 that he mtn nffer too good bargains a in any part of Erie county. •arfiti ERIE_ CITY IRON WORKS, I:RI1 . PA.. SL‘NT:FAL rtIHERS OF The Bradley Engine! A New Compound or Double Cylinder 'Engine, Wblch • • Vsts 4:315. And is \Varrarited to givt nav TO ONE lIENTRED irk CENT. , power than a single 11.1‘linder Engine uning the mule amount of steam. MAN ENGINES . AND BOILERS I OF ALL STYLES ott. &rims AND TANKS! Of alt Desariptiona citcru-LAR SA.V73ITLi.B And 44, HEADthLocas. 1 ~. ..,. ..... _. ........... ~. • -. .. '.- SERVE • '.. --'''.•-- 0 , _ . . ... . • . . .. 7 _ .. . . . 4 . 4 - . . , ..- -' :., •••• ''..•7. 7 ..:.-- 't? ': ...,- .-;-- ' f EMI VOL. 3S. Grocirys, Watling, snit; gt. The Old Groeery SUM ! CRAIG & IMtSILLTA4, At the well known fittirid, N o. 24 Weßt:Paiik, Groceries, Provisions, !Arms, OILS, d:C. POWDER, COTTON' FUSE, • • Gun Calm, mac. Having thoroughly refitted the above More and stocked it with one of the FINEST LOT OF GOODS Ever brought to Erie, we are now prepared to supply all the wants of the public Defy Competition! Tens, Cotrees, CANNED FRUITS, &C., is unsurpassed I= A GENERAL •ASSORTMT Of all the artleles usually kept In a first-class Grocery—all froth, and at the Lowest Market Price ! We intend to keen an establishment ntwhlch our customers eun always rely upon procuring what they want, and trawarrint our charges to be as moderate as any store In the city. Give tie a trial, and see for yourselves. CHEAP GOODS ! Wholesale and Retail GROCERY AND 'PROVISION STORE, - WINES A LIQUORS. • i ' F. SCW.4UDECSER, Successor to F. & %f. Schlaudecker, is now re ceiving a splendid assortment of GROCERIES, PROVISIONS, WINES, Liquors. Willow. WoOden and Stone Ware l Fruits, Nuts, &e. A large stock of TOBACCO AND CIGARS, ca)l and sea us, at the Grocery I-lenclquarterm, American Block, State St., Erie, Pa. my9f67-tf. F. SCRLAUDECRER. Wholesale and Retail Grocery Store. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL GROCERS, North-Ewa Corwzr Park and - . Preach L. (citgArswEJ • Would respectfully call the attention of the coin ntunlty to their large stock of Groceries and Provisions, NiThich they tiro desirous to sell at - THE VERY LOWEST POSSIBLE ,PRICES! Sugars, Coffees, Teas, Syrups, TOBACCOS, FISH, &C., Is not euinneged in the city. ea they are prepared to prove to all who rave them a They also keep on hand n superior lot or PURE LIQUORS, for the wholesale trade, to which they "direct the attention of the public. Their motto ts, "Quick sales, small profits and a full otinivelent for the money." aptl'63-tf. Eliifllag . lq4 . ll' r _.2:lali M. V. WOUMEN .Br., CO., Would respectfully announce that they have opened a store at No. 428 French St., between 4th and sth, ERIE, PA., ' For the purchase and sale of ALL RINDS OF COUNTRY PRODUCE, Butter. Poultry. Milk. tee.. Orders from •abroad will receive prompt at ention at the lowest market Prices. 1 The highest prke in Cash pald for Pro. duce. - 10FAVINEF sOtft Mar entire stock of Furniture to L W. Ayres, we hereby thank tbe com munity for their liberatpatronage to us, ha ping they will extend the same to him. We will de vote our Mae hereafter to the UNDERTAKING BUSINESS! . With the consent of .1. W. Ayres toe still hold our office in the same old place, 715 State street., where will be found at all times ready to attend to the words of the eonuntinlty in our line o. trade. • Deady Made Cadisui Trimmed to older, Metallic and IronSurial Cases,• or all lityles and sizes, en batid• also, Shroud and Coffin Trimmings. Liudertakers will Bud it,to.tbc r actioaasste tab em gi us, as we esutpt be undersold west York. apt 15417-17. - -11008 E ill SUBLET.• Tna ,P Airing of every ; kAnd:An fine-er stoldliittaatltiaa,plitla 61'4:gored, done lir the b rre eet r officrayle. and at moderato ; arteps. At the Oblee. • . ; — it EBIPRINTLNGoc mull quantities, plaW Skr aaioied ß demi In oittapA,Atzl at. amierlde - ,pricestvakt Obase rpr oillia, =I Dealers In ' Agents for the sale or nt prices that- OUR STOCK OF Sugars, Syrups, Jal6-3rn P. A. BECKER a:, CO., Their assortmen t of NOTICE. Eitp 4Thootto. WIIOLOESALOB DRY GOODS. STORE, 423 STATE STREET; EWE ROL. Southard & McCOrd, JOBBERS IN 131ECY - GOODS NOTIONS, lIOSIERY, GLOVES, &C Our stock is the largentecer brought to the city, consisting of PRINTS, DELAINES, RDAS, CLOTHS, cAssx3tERER, 'BLEACHED BROWN MEETINGS, - - A complete assortment of Dress Goods.. every kind of artiaeln the Notion Line, and, in short; a geridral assectment of everything needed by Contatry girder t- , ' • . TO DE SOLD AT NEW !ft ortisc 'PRICES Country Dealers are invited to give us a call. We do a strictly wholesale trade, and propose selling at such prices as will make it to the ad vantage of merchants in this section to deal in Erie, instead et sending East for their goals. It. S. SOITyIIAD.D. J. ACCORD. my24-if. TEE OLDEST ESTABLIBUED Carpet & Dry Goods Rouse IN N. W. PENNSYLVANIA A complete) stock of Sheetings, Prints, Linens, Cloths, Baelcings, Flannels Irish and French Poplins, Slohairs, Alpacas, i)elaines, &c. Also, coons, HOSTrat'rs GLOVES ILND NOTIONS, CaWorld get prices before purchasing WARNER Brigs., apr3'67-Iy. No. aki, Marble Front, State St kerArry.: Dry Goods ) . Dry Goods! • WHOLESALE AND RETAIL! The largest and best stock of BROWN AND BLEACHED SHEETINGS, PRINTS, FLANNELS, LINENS, Cloths, , Cloakings, DeLaines, Alpacas, Leona, Mohalrs, Silks, Black and Colored Thlblt, Cashmere, Silk, Broeha and Paf s iey - Shawls, .)Vlitte Goods, Hosiery, ;Notions, &e., &e. Goods marked down to meet the market. No trouble to show goods. Call and examine. my=7-Iy. ROSENZWEIG & BRO. G. P. I I3A.VIS Jir. CO., Dealers In all 'Linda cA GROCERIES, FRUITS, VEGETABLES, AND PROVIBICINS, Fifth Street, between State and French, ERIE, VA Ravi g purchased our goods before the late rise In prices, we feel confident of being able to give satisfaction both in Price and quality. Country Produce, - Of every port, bought and sold. Farmer% ran always depend on receiving the highest market price for their articles. ,DEALERS TAr. ADJOINING TOWNS, And on the Lines of Railroad, SUPPLIED WITH FRUIT, VEGETABLES, &C Give us a Call. Renieniber May & Jackson's Market Depot FIFTH . STREET, For the Holidays! WATCHES, DIAMONDS, JEWELRY, . Silver & Plated Ware ! The largest assortment In town, at prim* that DEFY COMPETITION Do not faiLto call on ALA.N . N . I~c FISHER, No. 2 Reed Block Tyco doors East of main entrance. DlRsolutlon. TrrE CO-PARTNER-SHIP heretofore existing between the undersigned, in the Planing Mill, Door, Sash and Blind business, under the firm MIME! of Jacob Houtz St Co., was dissolved by mutant erinsenf :. :n the 21st. day of Jane, 1867. The business willcontinued by Jacob Boots, who is authorized to settle all the acectunta of the late firm. JACOB RIXYTZ. ANTONY tiIItITZLNGER. The undersigned, intending to continue the abovo business, at the old stand. west side of Peach, between 12th and lath streets, desires to can the attention of the pubic to his facilities for supplying . them with anything In his line. Lumber planed to order, and scroll sawing of all kinds tlmm. - Bash, Doors and Blinds furn ished to order. All kinds of Lumber on hand, together with Shingles and Lath. In fact, eve is.,:thlng that is usually dealt in or done at tirst class establishments of the kind. -Thankful far past kind favors, I respectfully solicit a con tinuance of the same. ocl7-41m• • JACOB BOOTZ. F.• A. . CO.. •lI.RALIIILS IN ICountry Produce, Groceries, Profistous, WINES, uquons, sEGAIL.9, Tobacco, Crockery Ware, Fruits, Nuts, &c., No. 514.,16p5t0 Street, West side, between Bth and Bth Streets, Erie, Pa. Coati paid for country produce. . F. A. WEBER my2l-tf. W. ERHART - ,13ALIVYA.1113. DE 4 1 r,P8 ' FAMILY GROCERIIS ! Tea, Coffee, Sugar, Syrup, Molasses, Flour, Pork, Fish, Hams, Provisions generally Coun try Produce, Bird Cages, Wood, Willow and Crockery . Ware, Fancy Traveling Baskets, To bacco and Segars, Fishing Tackle, &a. . 421 State Street, Erie, Pa. Private Families and Hotels eupplied. Goods delivered. my1667-tf. TcPDACCO AND CIPARS. Tile place S mo lt a choice aof Tobaccb, and Cigars s l at E. B. W 3 1318 PEACH ST., South of the. Union Depot.. "Limeys on hand a *good assortment of the above articles os every grade, wholesale and re tail. Also, _Mass, Pouches, Boxes and Smokers' Article' of eve, deteription. Please favor me wtth a calk Doset Anat. Use place. WS Peach 'treat ` Ailditor's Notice. . E. - Cooper,' In the Court of Common va. '- . Pleas of Fria Co. No. 172 Nov. Sam'l Mahon, Jr. ) term, VW. VendlUoni Ex. And now , Dee. 11187, on motion Li. W. Gun- PD 36 / 4 EBM, appointed auditor. .• • . • PER CII ILLA.N. ) Notice is hereby Wen to alt parties Interest- ed that I will attend to the Alattms of nIY. ei*_ „ poit mi Friday, dannarl ad. atl D. / 13 .4 116 my Diesn Elle, No. =State street. • . deel.2-aw. GED: VA-GUNNISON, Auditor. - !wee ger Bent., ,- ORE cieeafdpAy Vinitatrit &tie* : Iyi, on State 'treat; vaereatiglivg • . •-. 4 D Jt ‘ it-3w -50WeetiVatIrt Btreet. ft EtOILSE 13t.A.NICETS : r 24.13,ediaget Bitay b 7 • atake• r • 7 cumunif..• . • ERIE,'PA., THURSDAY AFTERNOON, MARCH 12, 1868. Zpertai iloitito. • _ Address to the Nervous and Debilitated . wham. su ff erings - have been protracted fro m hidden caws and whose cases reqedra prompt treatment torender existence desirable. If you sre suffering or have suffered from involuntary discharges, what effect does It produce upon your general health? Do you feel weak; debili. toted, easily tired? Does a little exertion pro. duce palpitation of the beast? Does your liver or urinary organs, or your kidneys, frequently get out of order? Is your ttrhre aontetimes thick, milky, floc.ky, or is it ropy on settling? Or does' . n thick scum rise to the top ? Or Is tksediment at the bottom after it has stood awhile? Do you have spells of short breathing or dyspepsia? Are your bowels constipated? Do you have Spells of naming or rushes of blood to thehead? Is your memory impaired? Is your mind con. grandly dwelling upon this subject? Doyou feel dull, listless, moping, tired of company, of life? Do you wish to be left alone, to get away from - everybody ? Does any little. thing make yOu start 'or jump? Is your sleep broken or restless? Is the lustre of your eye as brilliant? The bloom on your cheek as bright T Do you enjoy yourself in society as well? Do you wirsue your business with the same energy?' DO you feel as much confidence In yourself? Are your spirits dull and flagging, given to nts of melancholy? If so, do not lay it to your liver or dyipepsln. Have you restless nights? Year back weak, your knees weak, and have but little appetite, and you attribute this to ,dyspepsia or liver com plaints?- Now,-ffitAer,seli-abose, venereal diseases bad ly cured, and sexual s=ans nil capable of producing a weakness of the generaUve organs. of generation, when in perfect health, make the man. Did you ever think that those bold, defi ant, energetic, 'persevering, isueceashribusiness men are always those whose, generative organs are in perfect health? You never hear such men complain of being melancholy, of nervous ness, of palpitation of the-heart. They are nev er afraid they cannot succeed in basiness; they don't become sad and dlicouraged; they are al ways polite and pleasant in the company of la dles, and look you and theni right in the face— none of your downcast looks or any other mean ness abotit them. I do not meats those who keep theorgrins inflamed by running fo excess. These will not only ruin their comititotions, but also those they . do Mashies with or for. Hew many men from badly cured diseases, from the effects of self-ahuse andexces-ses, have brought about that state of weakness in those organs thiit has reduced the general systerp so much as to Induce almost eery other disease-- idiocy, lunacy: paralysis. spinal affections, sal ctde, nud almost every other form of disease which humanity is heir to, and We real museof We trouble scarcely ever suspected, and have doctored for all but tilt right one. Disenscs of these organs require the use 'of a diuretic. HEL3II3OLD'S FLUID .EXTRACT IHICHU is the great Diuretic, anti is a certain cure for diseases of the Bladder, Kidneys, Grav el, Dropsy, Organic Weakness, Female Corn plaints, General Debility and all diseases of the Urinary Organs, whether existing In male or female, from whatever cassia originating; and no matter of .how long standirig. If no treatment is submitted to Consump tion'or insanity may ensue. Our Flesh and Blood are supported from these sources, and the health and happiness, and that of posterity, depends upon prompt use of a reliable remedy. Helmbold's Extract Buchu, established up wards of 16 years, prepared by H. T. HELMBOLD, Druggist, poi Broadway, New York, and 101 South 10th Street, Philadelphia. Pnirt--$1.25 per bottle, •or 6 bottles for 68.50, delivered to any address. Sold by all Druggists everywhere. • noW67. A Card te the Ladlee.—: DR. DIVOIVOYS GOLDEN PERIODICAL PILLS, FOP, FEMALES In Correcting irregularities, Removing Ob structions of the 3lonthly Turns, from whatev er cause, and always successful as a preventa tive. ONE BOX IS SUFFICIENT In removing obstruction and restoring nature to its proper channel, quieting the nerves and bringing back the " rosy colbr of health " to the cheek of tho most delicate. Fall and explicit directions accompany each box. Price per box, six boxes S. Sold by one druggist to every town, village, city and hamlet throughout the world: Sold in thle by 3. B. CARVER & CO., druggists, solo agents for the city. Ladles by sending them $1 tbrough the Post Office, can have the Pills suit (confldentlally)by mall to any part of the country, free of postage S. D. HOW& 8010 Proprietor, zny9'o7-Iy. New York. a SEW FOR TIEC lUNDHERMEEL Phateta4 ••Night Blooming Comm", "flight Blooming Corm." Phalan's "Night 13 Ciereas.” Phuloafs ,5•111011 lalsewhig Ceretuht , r • Phwlent• -. 6 :4fight >lilwmias Ce'reisaM . . 11 most emquhdte, delicate, and Fragrant Ferfonie, diet led from the rare and beantlftd sower frog which it taken Ita name. Iliumfactored only by • PIIALON 8c NON. New T'Driz.. 'BEWARE OF COUNTERFEITS. ASR FOR PHALON'S—TARE NO OTHER. nol4-tf. Errors of onth.—.A. Outten= who suffer ed for years from Nervous inehility, Premature Decay and all the effects of youthful indiscre tion, will, for the sake of suffering humanity. send free to all who need it, the recipe and di rections for making theiirdple remedy by which he was cured. Sufferers wishing to profit by, the advertiser's experience,cati do so by addressing, in perfect confidence, JOHN B. OGDEN, my16117-li. 42 Cedar St., New York. To Consumptives.—The Rev. Edward A. Wilson will send (free Of charge) to all who de sire It, the prescription with the directions for making and using the simple remedy by which he waft - red of a lung affection and that dread disease Lunsumption. His only object is to ben efit the afflicted, and he hopes every sufferer will try this prescription, as it will oast them nothing, and may prove a blessing. Please ad dress REY. EDWARD A. WILSON, N 0.165 South Second Street, , my16 . 67-Iy. Willismsburgh, N. Y. Intbrmation.—lnformation guaranteed to produce a luxuriant growth of hair upon a bald head or beardless nice, also a recipe for the re moval of Pimple', Blotches, Eruptions, etc., on the skin, leaving the same soft, clear and beau tiful, can be obtained without charge by address ing THOS. F. CHAPMAN, Chemist, zuy16 . 67-Iy. ' lirl Broadway, New York. HUBBARD BROTHERS, No. 701 Stall Bt., Erie, Pa., Dealer's in Sto'res, Tin Ware and Sheet • ittoric WARE. A large asortment of TABLE AND POCKET CUTLERY, SPOONS, &C. TIN RO,DFING DONE TO ORDER felyaklrn. U. &a. W. ..TENILLNISON, Manaracarzers and Wholesale Dealers is IDDACCO. ABs. . - srrupyr• No, 6 Feder. 21 Elti, 41.-I;egkea7 pin r".. Third dAsor Inam t losiaort Bridge. reb4ra- 1 7. - • SSIR I et tbaDifasithliu - 30 . 13:N GEN SIOMEIER tr, SON, " Clothing Hen coo& CORNER OF B.OCF/21siBEFF, _ t F.RIE. PA; =ANIS hdring , illbieeeit of hie Inter. ...ext:lwtbe bolters altantexiA Co. to.R. J. ' the feminist w. 11l be continued by the w, &be, se.me. lotallttes and under the i as ig ron i tt as heretofor e. ' The eceottuts of tbe abl Ma WM be SOMA by se. • It. J. SALitibtAN i 'JAM& ' ', ' . aI. a tuaxassAre. • Nab r. (Front Putrisurea Magazine for February.] - . Intr. oriCAST. Her sympathies are yours and - mine, Her heart is full ol'human love, Her tastes, in spite of tinsel shine,. Do naught against her nature prove ; Not less her pity is than ours, Nor are her joys an idle Jest; - Sharp are the thorns beneath the flowers, She clasps unto her woman's breast. Bhe camelnio her life of blame, Like n 9 ., in helplessnks of grace : 'Unconsciously received her name, Uneonsciously assumed her place Blessed with Maternal care, or cursed ' l With poverty neglect, she rose Through gears' gradation and rehearsed Tier future of allotted woes. It was not if she could or would ; She took her fate, like us, on trust ; , Her follies are no natural mood, Nor lloes she choose for jewels, dust For had she chosen, well we know, - Her life had been our counterpart, With more, perhaps, than we bestow . In sympathies of mind and &art. The glances of her evil eyes -On us pass judgment none the less Than we, who talk in saintly guise, 'Condemning what we only guess: Where we discern a gulf between, She sees a simple line of chance, And holds that we like her had been, .„ But for the chain of circumstance. The stars that guard the lover's talk . Are not more chaste with holy light, Tn when they guide her wayward walk hrough the waste‘places of the night; Anti he and we beneath their rays - Reason the same or reason not, And misinterpret others? ways - To take our own the happier lot. And which of us the saints shall say She's wholly wrong nor partly right ; Or who beneath that.paintod.clay, • Pronounce there is no blameless white P Then cast not at her stones of pride, Li;ir stooping from our high above ; • But, moving humbly at her side, Lift up her lye with saving love., KITTY'S NEW COLLAR. I==l Kitty 'Cutting was a nice, pluinp little maid of•eiglueen summers. 'Her uncle was a miller and pretty well to do-in the world. AsKitty was likely to be an heiress,this con deration alone would have attracted lovers, if Kitt} had been considerably less attractive than stir really was. It so chanced that Kitty's affections cen tered on a young man whom her uncle, the miller, by no means approved. This was Harry Billings, a young farmer in the neigh borhood. The miller's whole ground of dis approval was that the young man had not quite so large a share of worldly possessions as he thought his niece had a right to ex pect. The consequence was .that he forbade young 11. the houhe,'and requested Kitty to give him up. Her eyes snapped in a very decided man ner, and though she had said nothing, ft was very evident that she meant considerable. However, she was obliged to dissemble, and Harry thought It prudent not to approach the house, when the was at home. By way Of compensation Kitty was in the habit of letting him know when her uncle was ab sent, and on these occasiims they would pass a social evening together in the great square' kitchen, Kitty sitting on one side intent upon her knitting, and her lover fully occupied in looking at her. He succeeded in getting away before the miller arrived, otherwise there would have been a scene. "Kitty," said the uncle one day, "I have got to be away this evening, and probably shall not be back before eleven or twelve o'clock." Kitty's eyes sparkled—l dare say my readers can guess why. "I have got to go over to town. (ten miles distant,) to see SqUire Hayden. He owes me some money. 130 you will have to pass the evening by yourself." • "I don't think I .shall be lonely, uncle," said Kitty demurely. "I shall be so busy you know." "I shall be home as Bonn' as possible," said the miller. "Don't hurry on my necount," said Kitty, innocently. The miller' went over to his work, and , witty busily scratched the following note: DE.UI Mum—Uncle is going away this evening, and thinks lte will not be back he tore eleven .o'clock. I thdught you might like to know. Km's. Folding this up. and directing it to her lover, she called a little boy who was passing the house. "Do you want to earn three cents r "Don't I though l"was the reply of Young America. - "Then carry this over and give it to Mr. Billings; and mind you don't let any one else see it The boy nodded understandingly, and was off on his mission. • Kitty was unusually jively and chee , ful through the day, and was unusually active In expediting her uncle's departure. "I'm afraid it is going to snow," said the miller, loOking up at the clouds. "Oh, no it won t," said Kitty very decided ly. "Ton seem tote quite positive," said her uncle. "At any rate, I don't think it will," said Kitty. "One might almOst think thitt you want to get Inc off," remarked. the miller, considera bly nearer the truth than he imagined. "So I do," said Kitty, with lucky self-pos session. "You said, uncle, you expected to receive some money, and I thotight if you did, you might, perhaps, buy me a nice new collar." Kitty was seized with momentary com punction ; but after all she was not going to do anything much out of the way, and so she soon got over it. Precisely ten minutes after the miller's cart WAS seen rumbling up the road, Harry Bil lings made his appearance: f • Perhaps the reader will not be 'astonished at his hitting time so well, when he learns—l beg pardon, she learns (I always give pre cedence to my own sex)—that Harry had been watching•around the - corner for over an hour in great impatience for this sign that the coast was clear. • Kitty was knitting demnrelv by the fflre, when she heard Mr. Billings step on the door sill. "Good gracious, Ilarry, how you surprise me," said she, looking up with a merry smile. "So unexpected you know." "I thought I'd just look in on you," said her lover, with en answering smile. "I sup pose your uncle is at home r - "I am very sorry to say that he will be off all the evening. Yon will have to call around again." "I guess I'llsit down and wait tiH he comes back,' said Harry, taking a seat in as imme diate proximity to her as lie dared venture upon. I am not going to detail the conversation that took place between Kitty and her lover. Thoughinteresting to them, have strong doubt whether it would be equally 'so to my present readers. The general subject, how. ever, was devising ways and -means to pro pitiate the determined uncle, and remove the obstacle to their union. This, however, was rather a difficult mat- ter, and they could not decide upon anything which they thought would answer the pur pose. Meanwhile, time was passing, and . that rapidly. Ten o'clock came. - Kitty and her lover were in the midst of tin interesting, disquisition, when to their in expressible consternation, the familiar rum ble of the miller's cart was heard as it entered tbe yard. - "Good gracious !" ejaculated Kitty, "'what could have brought uncle hemetoloon ?" "It's only ten minutes past ten," said Har ry, looking hurriedly at. his watch. "Something or other has happened to lainen his return. Is it possible that be sus pect§ anything about your being here? Oh, what will he do when he tinds,you ?" "He can't do any more than order me out - of the house," ' said Harry. "Don't be alarmed, Kitty, I'll take All the blame." "But yen can escape - . You must." • - This seemed to be impossible, minim then the miller was heard knocking his feet againste - 1 Quick ; let me hide you inthe closet," . - She flew: to the closet. and opened the door, pnahed.in the bewildered Hany, and buttoned him in. ' Then With .her face a little fiusheit she phlMPed down on bernieking-chalr, and was knitting very industriously, when her . uncle entervl.. . • "Rev, Kitty,"'said her uncle, "I. suppose you di'n't expect to meet me quite so_soon uncle," Kitty, !'eby It ital more "The way of it 'was, I happened to meet the Squire at the store, tour miles this side of his house and we transacted our business there. So, you see, I gainetrati hour or more in that way." - "Wish the Squire had stopped at hotue,", thought Kitty. • "Have you been lonely, Kitty'. , " asked her uncle. "No, air," said the niece, demurely; " I was busy von }mow." - You are getting to bequite ...industrious, Kitty." The miller took off his boots.and saldewn composedly at the fire. Kitty was in hopes that he would go to bed, that she might give her lover a chance to es cape. But this he did not appear at all in clined to do. "Isn't" it most bed time, uncle 1." asked Kitty. "I don't know bow it is, but I don't feel at fill sleep, to-night" Kitty inwardly groaned. "But if you are sleepy, Kitty, don't wait for me." "Oh," said Kitty, looking particularly wide awake, "I feel as if I - could sit up all night+' "Where is the weekly paper, Kitty ?" Kitty would have liked to have sai d I don't know, for she knew if her uncle would get hold of that he would - quite disregard the passage or time. Unfortunately, there was the paper on. the table under the kitchen glass. It was the first object that met her gaze as shelooked. "I see I'm in for a siege," said Kitty to her self, but I can stand it as long as he can. That's a comfort. Rut I'm afraid harry will find it pretty dull work in the closet'. What will uncle say if lie should find out he was there?" Half an hour passed. The miller, who was a slow reader, was intent upon a story which interested him— aaw with a despairing glance that he was not quite half through, it. She was beginning to be sleepy herself, or '4odid have been if she had not had so ranch to keep her awake. "Kitty," said her uncle, looking up sudden ly, "you had better go to bed. It's most eleven o'clock." "Are youoing to bed, uncle?" just "No, not yet. I tvant• to finish thb story. Its a pretty cute one. But I shan't need company. So don't ait• up on my ac- count." • "I should not go to steel:ill' I Went to bed, uncle. Besides 1 want to get so much done before I go." ' r , "Well, child, just as you like. Bless me, what is that Kitty turned nate. • There was a sup pmsed noise in the closet. Harry had evi dently got tired of his constrained position, and was stirring around a little. must be the cat," said Kitty hurriedly. "The cat I - Do you allow her to be in the closet ° She ought to be driven out !". The miller rasp, but Kitty quickly antici pated him. She went to the closet, opened it a trifle, and called "Scat !" "No, the cat is not there," alto said. return ing to her seat. • • Quarter of an hour passed. ' Again a noise of a more decided character was heard., Harry's elbow happened to hit against a plate, and it fell with a sudden crash to the floor. "I'll see what it is," exclaimed the miller. He threw open the door, and ont rushed Harry, looking rather foolish. "Well, I never "." ejaculated the miller. Before he had time to say anything further, Kitty said hhrriedly: "Uncle, didn't von - promise me a collar ?". "Yes," returned the miller, "but—"! Kitty pressed to the side of her loyCr, who passed his arm around her neck, and then said, while her eyes twinkled with mischief: "This is the collar I want, mcle. You promised me, you know ?" "And I'll keep it,'Kitty," said the old mil ler bursting into a hearty laugh; "no matter what it costs." "Two months from that day Kitty Cut ting changed her name. Some rears have elapsed, but she has not yet got tired of the "collar" which her uncle gave ler. • ' Angling for Dog. "Brick" Pomeroy tells'the following Another time we were travelingon grounds we had no right to tramp over. The only. excuse was like that of military riecessity.—it was better fishing through the farms ivhere the trout had been preserved• than in the open lots where all could fish. It was early morning. We had risen at three, ridden ten miles and struck the creek as the trout were ready for breakfast. Look ing carefully for a sheltered place to hitch our horses, we slyly crept on behind fences r etc., till we reached the part of the stream not generally fished. A :liana house stood a quar ter of a mile away. We saw the morning smoke curling lightly from a stove-pipe— saw a man and two boys come out to do ,chores--saw two women busyabout the door and a ferocious bull dog wandering about the yard. If ever we fished' close, it was then. Not EL whiiper to disturb the birds, or the owner of the land. We crawled through the grass— dodged behind clumps of alders, and lifted large speckled beauties out of the water till our basket was full. - • P 'This *as the time to have gone; but the trout were so large and bit so readily, that we could not withstand the temptation, so we decided to string and hide what we had, and take another basketfill. So at it we went. No-sooner would the hook touch the water than we had a trout., We forgot the. house, the man, the boys and the dog! Suddenly there was a rushing through an oat Held, as if a mad bull were coming ! We looked toward the house and saw the farmer and his two boys on a 'fence, the women in the door, and the bull-dog bounding toward us. We saw it all—we had been discovered. The well trained dog had been sent to hunt us out, and, as the matter appeared, it was sate to bet he was doing that thing right lively. To outrun a dog was not to be thought of. There was no time to -lose. He cleared a fence, came for us just as we reached a !Font seat on a limb above his reach. Here was a precidus go! A vicious bull dog under the tree, and a farmer and two big_ boys ready to_move down upon our works. It was fight, toot-race, or fangs! " The farmeryelledto his dog—" Watch him, Tige !" Tige proposed to do that little thing, and keeping his eyes on us, seated himself under the tree. • Then spoke this ugly farmer man—"•rust hold on thar, stranger, till we get .breakfast; then we'll come and see you! If you are in a hurry, however, you can go now ! Watch him Tige We surmised trouble—quite much; for twice had that bold man .5f bull-dogs and agriculture elegantly - wolloped innocent tourists for being seen on his suburban prem ises. His reputation as a peace man was - not good i and there arose a large heart toward our throat ! Time is the essence of. contracts, and the saving ordinance for those in trouble. We• had a stout line in our coat pocket and a large book intended for rock bass if we failed to take trout: : And as good luck would have it, we bad a nice sandwich and a piece of boiled corned beef in our other pocket. • We called the dog pet names, but he wasn't on it! Theri we tried to move down—when he moved up ! At last we trebled our bass line, fastened the great 'limerick to it, baited it with the corned beef, tied the end of the line to a limb, and angled for dog! Tige was in appetite. lie smelt of the beef; it was very nice. He swallowed it, sat still with his eyes on us for more, but with no friendly look beaming from his. coun tenance. Not any! When we pulled gently on the tine—it was fast! Tige yanked and pulled, but it was no use ! The attention of the canine was divert ed from us—his business was being done by another line t We quickly, slid down the tree—corning _ near blistering our back down it—seized the basket and pole, and straightway went thence somewhat lively. We found our string of fish, and reached the bug mr and a commanding spot in the road in time to see the sturdy yeoman move torth. • We saw him and his cohorts, male and fe male, move slowly, as if in no haste. 'We 'saw an anxious group engaged : about the dog. We came quickly home, and kindly lett the basa line and hook to the tanner. MoNit is evidently scarce in some South ern newspaper °faces, judging fr om the fol lowing, in the DeKalb Flag,.. published in Mississippi: "One gentleman—yes,.one gen tleman—has paid us three dollars for the Flag for 1968,.and another, just 'as - clever, has brought us some 'tater< Several persons have promised" .us have-some corn. Since writing the above, we have received ..twenty;four pumpkins and a load of shackle The editor calls these receipts `!sirsis of pros- No' Housekeeper. "Mrs. Jones is a right nice woman, good hearted, and that, but I ern sorry to say she is no housekeeper." "Don't know how to cook, suppose ?" "Oh, yes, she knows how to cook—never sat down to better bread, and cake, and cof fee, and relishea, than I've seen on her table, and she does her own work, too." • "What is the trouble, then ?" • "Why, she isn't neat—don't keep things in 'order, as a woman should." "Don't comb her hair, , or sweep her room, or dust her things?" "Her hair always looks well enough, and I believe she sweeps and dusts every morning, but then she lets her childrin have their own way too much." `:Does she? I really was not aware—" "I mean," said Mrs. Smith, "they have their baby rags, and dolls, and •blocks, and play things over the floor, and they keep house in the corners of the room, and I don't know what alt;-now, I should soon go distracted with all that nonsense." "So you don't allow your children such privileges, do you ?" "I rather think not; they have to do better than that when I'm about:" - "What's the use of having a house in such confusion, and everything all sizes and sev ens?" _ "Well, now, Mrs. Smith. I want to know how you manage your little ones. Come, tell your rules.", • "I don't know f 1.9 I have any particular rules—only they shall not make any noise around me nor litter np the floor with their gimcracks." - "You let them have their playthinds - jdon't your" "No, indeed, I locked them long ago to keep them from being broken. I tell you there's no use in humoring young ones so, much. I must keep things tidy in my house, and the dear knows, I have a time of it any with Mr. Smith not cleaning his _feet on the mat, and the children moat always quar reling about something or other." "Do you think Mrs. Jones has as hard a time as you have, Mrs. Smith ?" "No, I don't believe she worries about any thing. Seems to me she don't care how things go." • "Yeq, she cares a great deal, and knows ex actly how to make her children happy at home, and her husband is always welcomed with a smile, mad or not - mad. When her children come here to see mine, they are neither noisy nor quarrelsome, but gentle, playful, healthy and happy. "And my children ?" "Well, they are somewhat different. You see, they are kept-so tightly at home that they are pretty boisterous in other houses." "Why don't you send them home, then r' "Because ittey will not go ; they openly declare that 'Ma is cross and won't let them play, and they don't like home a bit.'." "Do my children thus speak of their moth er?" said MN. Smith. as she arose and drew her shag I at ottrid tier veil to hide the coming tear. "They often do it, my dear friend ; but take courage—there is time yet t& dray; their he its to you. How' patience with them; §it - E - thent their toys, and let them enjoy them in their owu home. Your house is always so painfully neat and quiet that I almost hate to go there.' "You shall hate it no more on that ac count," said Mrs. Smith, as she wrung her friend's hand. "I own up that Mrs. Jones is the better housekeeper." Gough's Apostrophe to Water. We give below the celebrated apostrophe to water which Hr. Gough is in the habit of introducing with so nitwit effect in his tem perance addresses. Though popularly at tributed to him, he is not its'author. Its first appearance was in a sketch published in one of the magazines, purporting to he a descrip tion of an eccentric and eloquent Baptist preacher who flourished in Texas many years ago: "Look at that, ye thirsty ones of earth ! Behold it ! See its purity ! How it glitters; as it a mass of liquid gems ! It is a beverage that was brewed by the hand of the Almighty 'himself! Not in simmering still or smoking fires, choked with poisonous gasses, and sur rounded by the stench of sickening odors and, rank corruption - loth our Father in Heaven prepare the precious essence of life, the pure, cold water: but in the — green glade 'and grassy dell, where the deer wanders and the child loves to play; there God brews it ; and down in the deepest valleys, where the fountains murmur and the rill siqgs ; and high upon the tall mountain tops, where the storm clouds breed and thunders crash; and away far out on the wide, sea,- where the hurricane howls music and the big waverolls the chorus, sweeping the march. of God— there he brews it—that beverage of life— health-giving water ; and everywhere it is a thitigint bthuty, glimmering in the dew drop, singing in the summer rain, shining in the ice-gem—till the trees all seemed turned into living jewels; spreading a gold veil over the setting sun, or a white gauze around the mid night moon, sporting in the cataract, sleeping in the glaciers, dancing. in the hail shower; folding its bright curtain softly about the windy world, and weaving the many colored iris, that seraph's zone .of the sky, whose warp is the rain drops of earth, whose woof Is the sunbeam of heaven ; all checkered over with the celestial flowers by the mystic hand of refraction, still always it is beautiful, that blessed life water! - No poison bubbles on the brink ; its foam brings no sadness nor murder ; no blood stains its limpid glass ; broken hearted wives, pale widows and starving orphans shed no tears in its depths ; no drunk and shrieking ghost from the grave curses.it in words of eternal despair ; beauti ful, pure, blessed and glorious, give me for ever the sparkling pure cold water:" CONCERNIRG TttE Sort..—A preacher once endeavored to teach some children that their souls-would live after they were dead. They heard his words, but did not understand them. He was too abstraCt ; he shot ova their heads. Snatchitig his watch from his pocket, he said : "James, what is this I hold in ply hand?" "A Watch, sir." ' • "A. little clock," said another. "Do yon see it r• "Yes, sir•" "How do you know it is a match ?" "It ticks, sir." "Very well ,t can ant• at you hear it tick r' All listen After a little pause : "Yes, sir, we hear it." Then he took °tithe ease, and held that in one hand and the watch in the other. "Now, children, which is the watch ?" "The little one in your hand, sir." "Ver,- well, again. Now, I will put my case &side—put it way down'theredn my hat. Now, let us see if you cart bear the ticking." "Yes, sir, we hear it," cried several-voiees. "Well, the watch can tick, and go, and keep•time, you can see, when the case is off, and put in ma hat. So it is with you, child dren. Your 'body is nothing but the case. The soul is inside. The ease may be taken off, and buried in the ground ; may he cast into the tire, or thrown Into the sea, but the soul will live just Us well without' the body, as this watch will keep on ticking when the case is laid aside." Now, that illustration that thought will live in the minds of those children who heard it forever. • The Dangerous TraP• I hears mooch 'pout to ptfrglars ail 'te while hears dey preaka sthores Into 'em vary mooch. Veil, I (links I vices dem so as de next times dey goons to .mine sthore, py tarn dew no goon: -I, puys. a pig horse hazel not 7 vastens it mit de floor mit de muzzle pointing to de toot. So ! Den,l tuns a attiring from de drigger up mit (er call tint down mit der door. vy if he plows to tam prains of de hitzel, vy den, you see, I don't help it, don't I? Dat's what I say. Last night I left der toor pointing at der moozle or der bitzel, mit two pullets in it, unt goes out to trink some lager mit de poys already. 1 somedimes trink too mooch lager. Yell, I can't help it. I bogey mineself into more as dweuty sikteealdasses lager,unt den I goes home. Yen I pass mine sthore dinks I had petter as look in unt see if nod ing pea all right. Das lab right, don't it? Von it don't I not can help it. Vell, mit so many klasses of me in do lager, I. forgets apout de horse hitzel unt der door pointing at der moozle, unt ven I makes open nit der toor,pang • py tam, I yoosht gets a pullet mit my altiow anoder pullet gets mine hat aru it all a vile •! Vas I scant! Veil, if.l was I can't help it. • 'You'd be skhart your self, ain't ' yoOsht Crow away do• hose bitzell e vint I neVetirteta not no mom draps for purglars'so long tus I can't help it. So Dn. Anait CLatittk, Who had a' strong averaion .to 'pOrk, was called - Upon to say: grace at a dinner, where, the principal dish was a roast Itig. He i 4 ported to have said r. "0 Lord ! if Thou canst bless under the gos pel what' Thou didst curse under the law bbmithit "' ' . hole in pour income—itsY a large rpt Wirvii best to preieni - Old mcfda him de spairing ? Echo, "pairing." ' - Vitt& islireletter k Because itlaskes.tokraad. I • Ouv Loons says that., Mr& Caudle was the only really successful female lecturer.. NO. 42. Looxt.na chicago are said to be newt - equal to the divorces— IN China there are four groan& of d tvorce op whichflifliihrtYß theTalratiVfalSts'el".-• - , • • - • WEsrEnx man sais - .6e. always respects old age:e?tcept when some one fliChs him with a pair.of hough chickens. • • A. CLERGYMAN bald -he addressed his Con gregation of ladies And gentlonien- 'as breth ren, beeange the ''brethren" enibrace the .'.'Hs leaves two wives and three children to mourn his loss," are theconcluding words of a Utah obituary%notice. _You are dqueer chicken I as the hen said when she hatched out - a duck. . A max in Norwich, Connecticuti dropped a live coal into a bombshell "to. bear it fiz." .He heard it. - - - IWAsx a woman thinks she can do nOtitin. without a husband, and when ehe- gets , one f' she finds she can do nothing with him. Dn. ElotmEs says that easy crying - widows, take new husbands molten.; there' is nothing , like wet weather for transplanting. - Waal' reason have we to believe Noah brewed beer in the Ark? Becauie a Kanga roo was seen going on board with hops. PIMDENT young woman in Providence alio looked under the bed before she re thereon, discovered a large and Intelt negro hidden there. Englishman is said recently to have invented. a scarecrow so effective that one crow who saw it brought back all the corn he had stolen for three years. llonacr. GREELEY says that no stranger who ever borrowed money of him ever re turned it except one.. .and ho was itia Junatic asylum. WE spend half our lives in making mis takes, and waste the poor remainder in le fleeting how easily we might have avoided them. BOASTING of a visit he bad made to the Queen, at Windsor, a Yankee clinched his remarks by declaring : "I should have been invited to dinner, but that it was washing_ day." A maw who had aildrmbeii. a stranger by mistake, apologized hr baying, •"1 was mis taken in _the pers'on." 'Many a married couple might make the same apology to each other. TnE man lives meat perfectly whose con- stant happiness is found in the consciousness ,that, in doing the best that he can for him self he is also doing the best that he can for every being that good cante done for. "ANv game hervabonts I-aid a newly ar- rived settler to a citizen of Hays, in western K 1111534. "A)." "aid—the other, "and plenty of 'em. We have muff, poker, euchre, all-fours and monte, and jilt ai many others as yon'll like to play." "lbm,, did von ever go to qr.t. ?" "1 gttevi I did, last year, for instance, I went to see a red headed girl; but I only . called once."— "Why so ?" "Because her brother had an un pleemint habit of throwing bootjacks and smoothin' irons at people." . Trtts followin4 conversation occurred be tween a graceless boy and his teacher : "What does your father do when he 'sits down at the table ?" "He asks for the brandy bottle." "I don't mean that. Well, then, what does your mother do when you sit down at the table?" "She says she will wring our necks_ if we spill any grease on the floor." A SA.S PitANctsco- philanthropist protests against the practice of plucking. chickens :" alive, which is said to be unpleasant to the fowls. COSCOAIFI told a lady that he knew her thouErhis by her eye.. "Do you ?" • said she; "then I am sure you will keep them a secret, for they are be no means to yodr advantage." " WHAT has been your business?' said a judge to a prisoner at the bar. "Why, your honor, I used to be a dentist—now I am a pugilist; then I put in teeth—now I knock them out." A DOWN South editor asks what is prettier than a pretty foot, say number two and a half or three ? After mature reflection of six hours and a half, the editor of the Wil mington Star replies,'•two feet" All's well that ends well. A DARKEY was being prepared for the. scaffold. He chanced to look out a grated. window and saw the crowd that was ruahinjt and harrying to see the "fun." "Don't be in sich a mighty hurry dar. Nuffin will he done till I gtt dar' Fon several weeks the Sprihfield Leader kept the following eonspicuougly at the head of its local column: "Boy wanted` at this office." A. few days since, the editor's wife presented him "a boy," which, in a highly significant way, shows the•Valne of advertis ing. "Tug ugliest trades," said' Jerrold, "have their moments of pleasure. Now, it' I were a grave digger, or even a hauginv, there are some people I could work for with a„great deal of• enjoyment." A YOrNG lady in the northern part of Wis consin writes to a county superintendent of schools that she•thinks it "her duty to teach school somewhere, and that if h.• can assist her to rite and let her no." • • A. RAW Irishman, Just over, went into a restaurant and was asked by the waiter what he would have. "Why, wittles to ate ow course," was the reply. A piste of hash was placed before. him. "Phat's that demand ed Mickey. "That's winks." was the an swer. rickey eyed the compound suspi• clously for awhile, and finally exclaimed— "Be jabers, the man who thawed that can ate it." _ _ A Goon joke is told of a young man who attended a social a few evenings since. The conversation turned on California and getting rich. Tom remarked that if ho was in California, he would. instead of working.in the mines, waylay some rich mi ner who had a bag full of gold. knock oaf his brainS, gather up the gold and skedaddle. One of the young ladies quietly replied that he had better father in) the hrain4, ati lte cvi• dently stood in more need of that article than of gold. Torn antelded for the balance of the evening. CElEF.'npuum. 4 .s.—A woman may be of great assistance to her husband in business, by walinga cia,crful ai,iik - upon her coun tenance. A man's perplexities and gloomi ness are increased a hundred fold when his better hail moves about with a continual scowl upon her brow. IC pleasant, cheerful with is a rainbow set in the sky -when her husband's mind is tossed with storms and tempests; but a dissatisfied and fretful wife, in the hear of trouble, is like one of those fiends who are appointe.l to torture lost spirits. REPUTATION is ns often got by noise na. by Merit. The man who blows his own horn loudest and most constantly is very apt to be considered thti biggest and best out. Plated ware, now-a-days, in fact, appears to be pre ferred by the. Majority of the people. Motle,st merit has very little chance to play a tote, where a huge base drum is beaten. The - noisiest politiciarorcommcntirget the spoils, the loudest preachers the salaries, and the boldest women tho favoring worship. All of which goes to show that the world has yet a field for improvement. WANTS A WIFE.—.IO 01(1 bachelor, (we don't know where he lives, ladies.) thus ad- vertises for a wife. 01 course he will find one to suit him: • "I want a wife, a first rate wite„ A girl that's all my own, -To cook my meals and dicer my life, With smiling word and tone. "She must be graceful as the bell UPoti the lily found; .- • - And make such batter as will sill For forty cents a pound:" POPULAR DELtSIONS. The man who came to this country-without--s. shilling and now counts,his billions. , Peculiar to- tiler: chants. The rich man who used to pay attention. to your sister. That every person is a lady or gentleman. Peculiar to car conductors. That your son is deatined to he President. " Peenliar'to mothers. That you amnot so bad lookin g - after all. Peculiar to marriageable young laies. The good soldier whose life wassaved from the death-dealing bullet by an net of Pmvi dence, and the bad soldier who. was-found 'dead with a pack of carlit in one pocket and a bottle of - gin in the other. Peculiar to re ligious newspapers. . That you are a better physician than • any 'orthe faculty. • Peculiar to every one. • That all lawyers are liars. That all doctors arc killers. . • That all_ pale.nt—triedidnes. are. which It peculiarcnte~alla, to both betoispkwoot.' ITEMS OP Al+ SORTS., , "A girl that ne'er will pledge a vow, To any chap but me ; That's been brought up to milk a cove, And have warm cake.; for tea.