VOLUME 4. I'EOFKSSIONAL CARDS L. Z. MITCHELL, jm. « m- *• «-•»- * m * ■ Jt j- Office N. B Corner of DUmond, lUitlf-r, Pa "aft J. X. A J. |MKVIi\n:, Attonie y w at LaW > Offlce. on 8. K. of Diamond nnd Main at. Bntler. Pa. ' Charles M'Candless, *•* " j *- efflet, on Sooth (Hi comer of Diamond, Better, P» ., {Laf of the V. S. ArmyJ TVo. 117 'Federal Htrvet, Orrtcs Horns: J ''■■""J!" 's P M 112 * U.KGHESr CITT „ ,t„ 8 j May 29, Y. 7,3 rooe. SEWIITCJ. MRS. T. J. LoW.M AN, Would respectfully inform the citizens of thin p!ace that she 1h prepared to do all Limls of »«ch a* Drew Making, Serines Gents Shirts and rhl J' ,^.T ? " pare!. Also* U*CH\ Agent for Wheeler and Wilson H Sewing Machine*. * ol> . 2u, U67, tt. GEORQE bose, House, Sign &. Ornamental Painter. Paper Haning Done on *he Shortost Notice. BtTLVK.Aug. 28, IHB7—ly. WILL P. (IB.ill OWM BTRhE ORAII.m A BI'BXE, Fashionable Hatters, No. s!t St Clnlr Street, (Between Liberty and Penn Street., nppr.nite Si. Clal Hotel) PITTSBURGH, PA Ilats, Caps k Straw Goods of every style anil quality, , At I lie very I.owcst Prices. May 22,1867. lyr. JOH!V X. SIEJIOX, Confectioner and Cake Baker, Ho. 10U Fetlcrftl Street, Allegheny city, Fa. Jce Cream, Soda Water, fruits, Nttta. Jellloa, Pick lei, Ac., alwayfl on hand. Particulfr attention paid to orders. May 22,18R7, lyr FRANK H. JOHNSTON, M. D,, physician & burgeon, HABBINVILLF, Butler County, T»a. Will promptly to all buaineca cntr«*t£d t»l« R M F Eli EN CE S: Dr. Crawford, Cooprrstown, Pa. l)r. {'Vaukiin. l'a. I>r. Hasskr. Cochranton, Pa. Dr. Fowler. Harrlsyiile, Va. Dr«. Foster A Huffman, Cliqtopville, Pa. Dr. Coulter, Ceutrevitye, p a . Dr. Livingston, 44 4 ' (july 3, —ly PEOPLES TEA BTOKIJ. Wilson & Underwood, WHOLBSALB & II* TPfL&Sg) t!,D CKQICE c^amilg^rcccritJi, No. Ift South West Diamond* Adjoining Beplor*s Hotel# ALLEGHENY CITY, pA One of the. cheapest and best Wholesale and Relax Worts in the two cities. (Xtll and examine our Stock and Prices. (May 29, *67.Snips. LBR T. B. WIIITB C. HOO FISHION&BLE TAILORS. THEunderalgned having aaaociated themselves in the Tailoring business, would leapectfolly sny to the xiublic in general that they have just received the Fail j*nd Winter Fashions, and are prepared to make up /elotbing in the latest and most approved style Plecrr call and examine our Fashions and Specimens of met, and boys' wear. Special attention yiven t«» boya' cjoth- Ing. F.ITENMDLLEH. WlilTE A CO. August 12, im tf. IEA B. M'VAY & CO., BANKERS, Cor, Fourth and Sinithfield Streets, Pittsburgh, r», Important to Holdars of 7-30 Bonds, Dated August 7 15th, IBG4. The Government has given noiice that the notes due AUOUST 15th, lt>67, muat be ptesentcd for conversion An or before tbat day, otherwise they will be paid at their face vniue. causing a loss to the holder of about SE V ENTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER THOUSAND. Wf will continue to exchange 6-iXfe for 7-30e until AugUHt irsili. yiug. 7, IWT, It IRA p. JI'VAY A CO. AMERICAN CITIZEN. Select § Mtrjr, FOREST PRAYER Bt B. M. M LUIB. Here In the dim old woods, Thii glorious Sabbath even, I kneel amntt tfcatail ure*n uaka. And offi-rtiaiikl to Fleaveu. This placets meant for prayw, A hiiuse not reared by man ; "So human architect e'r dreamed Of such a noble plan. The floor, the bright green earth. The road the sapli ire sky : The pnlpit, this tall oak ; the choir, The wind that paaies by. Uera, free from t 11 and cirß, Far from the clty'n Jin. How sweet to knee! nnd ank from Go d Forgiveness for our sin. llero,'mid His glorious works, These colottadea of free* These moM grown rocks and summer flowers . 'Phii piild otherial breeze : Who ran but feel His powav, Thrcngh all th'-< wide abp^Bl Ay. hanr a voire within thoapal fiiy, "Jlowan-l womhlp ilcl!" Oli I Thou who »olest on high, O'er heaven, and earth, end seas, Who gemmed the firmament with «tnr*, And planted all these trees; Eeneath whose care the woilds In endleas cycles roll— Thou healer of all praise and prayer— Speak peace un:o my soul! The Wrant-Jolmsoii t-orres poiitlenee, rommenti of the Repnblican Preis From t he Chicago Tribune. Tho letter written by General Grant to the President protesting against tho removal of General Sheridan is publish ed. It is not too much to say that this noble document antioipate'd every argu ment which has been urged by the press and people of the country against that ill-advised step, and that it presented the reasons why that step should not be taken in more pointed and concise terms than have been employed by anybody else. Tho unmistakable will ot the people, tho great services of Gen. Sher idan, the bad effect which his removal would have on the unreconstructed ele ment of the South, the repeated ex pression of Gen. Thomas's wish not to be made the instrument of censuring Gen. Sheridan, and tho duty devolving upon the President to execute tho llccon struction Law faithfully—are all point, c-d out in nervous language, which leaves no doubt that General Grant was deeply solicitious that the order should not be insisted on. So one oan read the letter without feeling that the most cruel injustice has been dofic to tho great soldier, by those wlio havo charg ed him with sympathizing with " An drew Johnson's policy." There is not a word which does not breathe the ti fi> est loyalty to tho principles upon which the rebellion was put down and the work of reconstruction undertaken by Con gress. Above all, thJ injunction which l;c gives tJ tho President, that this is a republic in which the will of the pco pcoplc, constitutionally expressed, is to bo obeyed, ia most significant ami hou> orable. The capture of Lee's army was not a prouder addition to the wreath of the Generai's fame than this letter to a faithless Executive. [From the Phliadellpha Tnqnirrr ] Johnson evidently looked upon it as Grant's duty to run over to the White House, and after touching his hat and performing sundry genuflection", to give to the occupant thereof an unquali ed indorsement of his action. Again Mr. Johnson has been disappointed. Tho man who would take nothing less than unconditional surrenders from Huckner at Fort Donolson, Pomberton at Yioksburg, and Loo at Appomattox Court House, was not yet prepared to surrender his own ideas of justico and patriotism to the representative of those who wore compelled to lay down tho arms of treason beforo tho invincible legions of the Union uuder his com mand. No statesman in the land could havo summarized the evils resulting from Mr. Johnson's course in fewer words, or placed them more forcibly before the people than ha% General Grant in theso three brief instances. Ilts has gathered theiu together in a nutshell, and every one can compiehcnd at a glanco the fearful responsibilities which the PresU dent assumed when ho thrust aside General Grant's unanswerable protest, and issued the order for Sheridan's re moval. [From the New York Times ] To those who have assailed the fidel ity of General Grant to the principles of the Republican Party, his letter must bring intense mortification- It rebuts i so eoocßaivcly the aspersions which the Tribunal has tost upon his naiua, and shows so completely the clearness and depth of his convictioaa, that its ap» pearance in print does him timely and essential service [From the Philadelphia Preas.] The earnest patriotic words of Grant will convey comfort and encouragement to every northern and national heart. They are what the country expjeted of him, and what she demauds of every true citizen in this hour. (From tho Cincinnati Times. General Graut's letter to the Presi dent protesting against the removal of Sheridan, expresses tho sense of the supporters of the Government and de fines the General's position so that it cau not be mistaken. It does the Gen eral great credit. [Dispatches to the Philadelphia Inquirer .] Considerable curiosity is eprcssed to see the protest Grant made against Stan ton's removal referred to in his letter but wiich was withbpld . It is said to " Let us have Faith that Right makes Might; and in that Faith let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it"--A. Lincoln. BUTfeER, BUTLER COUNTY, PENN'A, WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 18G7- bo eoqehed in much stronger language even than that used in relation to Sher* idan, but for reasons best known to him. self, .the president kept it from the pub licc. Grunt stock is decidedly above par today in Washington. [From the Washington Chronicle.] It is easy to sec now why tho Presi dent was so reluctant to let tho letter appear. Tho reasons are evidently cx-, actly those wc have assigned. Mr. John son would far rather have submitted to the extraction of one of his molars thati to have parted with this proof of Gcn ■eral Grant's full sympathy with the loyal millions of his countrymen in his views on reconstruction Think of Andrew Johnson claiming that Grant and him' self were in full accord on the great questions of the day ! He would have given much to have the people believe so until after the fall elections, but truth cannot be always suppressed. * * * * General Grant is known to the people. He is knewu as a patriot as a soldier true to the cause he fought for. The country can no lougcr be dc ceivcd as to his position. It is as well assured of his truth and patriotism as ot And row w Johnson's falsehood and per fiidy, and the latter can no more involve him in his own deep di=graco by making him a member of his Cabinet than he can elevate himself to the high station which the General of the armies of tho Union holds in the grateful recollec tions of the American poople. [From tho Chicago Journal ] But the main interest clusters about Gen. Grant's letter. His habitual retis cencc gives place to a positive and full expression of Sheridan and his admin istration. the authority of Congress tho duty of the presider.t as a servant of the people and of the unreconstructed rebels. The case has never been so well put by any one else as by General Grant in this concise and powerful protest—especially the second paragraph. Tho long-drawn out petifogging of the President sonnds most pitiable by the side of it. A stronger contrast is hardly conceivable. Leaving Congress in it-s legislative and judicial capacities to deal with the Pres ident for daring to usurp raconstru-turn powers expressly delegated to the Gen erl of tho army, but wrested from him by tho superior force of tho Command er-iu Chief, lie sets forth with matchless force tho other objections to the remo val of General Sheridan. If Congress goes with eijual vigor to the rescue of the General's authority from I'residen tial usurpation, it will bring A. J. to terms without much delay. An aban donment of his present course of usurp-, ation, or impeachment will be the result if Congress is only as true to its obliga tions ns General Grunt was and is to his. It is to bo hoped that the l'hillipses, Gcologj's aud Tiltons who havo been making war upon General Grant will now bo honorable enough to ackuowl c Ige their error, or at least to ceaso their calumnies. [From the Philadelphia Gazette ] It is of importance, as placing Grant before th'o country in his true light as the oarnest and reliablo adherent of the Congressional policy of reconstruc tion and as the determined opponent of the reactionary policy upon which John son has been bent. His lanuagge is so plain, so forcible and so straight to the point as to leave no room for quibble as tO his opinions. He takes issue boldly and openly with the President by say ing that the removal of Sheridan " will be regarded as an effort to defeat the laws of Congress," which wc take to be nbout as direct an imitation ot what he thinks of Johnson's course as lie could well give. [From the New York Post.] What of Geuoral Grant on the other hand ? His statesmanlike letter will put to shame the persons and press who have for several weeks been trying to fix upon him, for their private purposes, tho suspicion of foolishness cquual to Mr. Johnson's. * * * General Grant's opiniocs on recon struction are not a secret. lie has spo ken freely with many persons; and there was not tho slightest occasion for misrepresentations to which he has late ly been subjected. He believcsjthat the I work of reconstruction ought, ou every account to be completed as quickly a3 possible. He holds that the country is seriously injured by the long delay which has occurred. He thiuks that military I rule over the South is not neatly so bad or so dangerous fur the South as for the country at large ; that, as ho once put it to a friend 10 conversation, it is just as it was with slavery, which, though it was hurtful and mischievous to all, was far more injurious to the master thau to the slave. Grant holds tbat tho Con gre»«ional policy, when it was declared, should have been carried into effect at once ; that all opposition to it eu approved by events. [From the Troy, N. Y., Times.] The letter of General Grant is worthy of the man. It dispels all doubt of his position, touching the removal; and it effectually silence the clamors raisad by the Tribune as to Gen. Grant's agency in making the uufortunate substitution of commanders. • Dead Animals Auimal matter contains every element that is necesary to grow every pant knowu. In it aro phospate and car onate of limo ammonia, carbon in short in the best form all the essentials of vegetable growth.— Whenever a fowl, cat, dog. sheep, pig, horse or cow dies, let tho carcass be cut up and added to the manure heap. The carcass of a single horso will turn loads of useless muck or peat into manure, rich er than any ordinary barn yard dung.— Why tlion suffir it to decay useless and aanoyingly 'I It is true it is not lost, for the gases tliat«taint tho air are appropri ated by plants; but tho farinw who owns cd tho animnl gets but a small portion of what should bo all his own. Why will wo waste tho dead energies of the horse, when he has lost the living ones? If our readers will heed what wc say, they will not|suffer dead animals to annoy the eye and disgust tho nose hereafter. — Bury them in the manure heap; add some quick lime to hasten decay, aud charcoal dust or plaster to absorb the gasses, and much will bo-gainod in tho good appear anco of tho farm and in tho quality of the manure. If your neighbor beso improv- to waste a dead animal, beg it of him, that it may not be detrimental to health and useless vegetation. Laws should be passed to conjpol tho saving of this most powerful of fertilizers, when common sense and decency fail to do it. Whenoyer it is desirabla to hasten de-, cay, aud rapidly turn animal matter into manure, sulphuric acid may be used. This would be too expensive (although the acid is cheap) for farm purposes, but may be eui( loyed Jt'or the garden, where expenses is not so important. It is fre quently desirable to have a rich manure in the garden, and it is not at hand. An* inial matter put into sulphusic acid will in a few hours furnish it. Every liouso will supply much refuse animal matter. To this, ruts, mice, feathers, hair, bones, horns, &c., may bo added. If the garb age of a slaughter house can be got, it should be. All these will soon be re duced to an available state, be inoffen, sive, and add great fertility to tho soil where used. Tho requisite quantity of aciil may bo ascertained by experiment —about ten or fil'teon pounds is usually allowed for one hundred pounds of ani mal matter. RELIGION is thought by many to con sist iu what in the New Testament is denominated repentance. But religion comas after that.—Wheu you have had your nots, your negatives, which aro necessary, then comes the positives, the affirmatives. .Real love of truth, real meekness and gentleness, roal generosity, real highmindedness, real lovo to God and genuit.: love to man —these are ro ligion. The Political Situation The removal of General Sheridan has deeply moved the country. The pocu, liarly brilliant service of General Bhor idan in the w*r; his equally faithful service as military Governor of Louisi ana and Texas; his frank and fearless spirit in every position, and a certain generosity and gallanty of nature, have endeared him to tho popular heart. The name of no horo ot the war, not ex cepting that of Grant himsolf, so iu flauies universal enthusiasm as that of Sheridan. Paintiug aud poetry havo combiued to celobrato his ride up the Shenandah—a rido which turned the tide of a most important battle, at a most critical moment of tho war. Young, modest, ardent; a trained soldier, an ir resistible leader, the idol of his men, tho cherished friend of his Commander, Sheridan came from the war beloved by the whole people. When he was appointed to tho com mand of tho district of which Now Or leans is tho headquarters it wis not known what his executive power in that kind might be, and it was supposed that like most soldiers, ho had, in the com, mon phrase, no politics. But like ev ery man who went into the rebel seotiou without politics he very soon acquired them, lfuring tho summer of 18G0, when by the complicity of inaotion the President of United States sanc tioned the effort of tho rebels to massa cre Union men, General Sheridan wan tho man who told tho whole truth to the country, and Andrew Johnson has never forgiven him. From that time General Sheridan has wholly approved the Radical policy, and the President has inflexibly resolved upon his remo val. But General Grant was known to sym pathize with General Sheridan, and their published correspondence shows how faithfully tho General supported his subordinate. It is thorefore plain tbat General Grant was as disagreeable to the President as General Shoridan. The President knew tha f . thoro was no man more steadily hostile to his policy, 110 man moro suspicious of his purposes no man moro desirons that he should bo closely watched and chocked by C'on« gres that General Grant. Moreover, it was becoming very ovidont that this man so hostile to the Presidential policy, and af so vast a popularity, was very likely to be tho next President, upou the nom ination of the party which. elected Mr. Johnson, ami which he had betrayed. The President thus found himself face to face with Congress, with the vast loy ai political organization in every part of the country, and with the great soldiers of tho wur, excepting General Sherman. In this position ho has also and natural ly found himself practically paralyzod. lie has boen conscious of the disastrous failure of his administration, and that he was drifting amidst universal distrust into tho great and final contempt of his tory. For ho has no friends. The Democrats use him only to perplex their political foes. The late rebels, like For syth of Mobile, and others, reproach him with indecision and temidity. The New York Humid, which to-day tries to prop the Presidential purpose to with atand tho popular will, yestorday cried lustily for his impeachmcut for resisting it. Those who appear to support him are more to be feared by liim than those who unswervingly and frankly deuouncc aud lesist them. Under theso circumstances tho Pres ident has naturally sought to take some courso by which with, one blow ho could reach many enemies. And ho has fouud it in tho suspension of Mr. Stanton, and the dircstion of General Grant to assumo ad interim the duties of the Secretary of War, and to transmit the order of re-, moval to General Sheridan. This at once excites a tendency toward distrust of General Grant upon the part of tho Republican party ; it tends to poison the personal relations of Grant and Sher idan. It raises Sheridan as a candidate for the Presidency ; and it kiudlcs the hope of that ludicrous'politicali Macawber the Demooratic party, that something may "ftirn up." Tho President's double object is io ruiu Grant politically and to defy the Republican party. But we suppose that nobody in tho country, Democrat or Republican doubts, tbat General Grant is as ,hostile as ever to the policy of the President,and that he warmly opposed the removal of General Sheridan. Tno only question is why he went into the Cabinet, and why he is willing to appear to acquiesce in the policy of the president. But it is not necessary to loek far for tho reason. General Grant may havo considered himself ordered by tho Commander-in> Chief, or he may have wished to pre vent the entrance of some one into the Cabinet less hostile than ho to the Pres ident's system It is folly to Bay that every member of the Cabinet must be presumed to sympathize with the Presi dent. Was Mr. S'anton presumed to be in such sympathy ? I It is, therefore, it seems to us, unfair linthe Tribune to insinuate that General Grant has any rympathy whatever with the President. It does not say so, in deed opeuly; but such is the impression it produces. As we havo before sug gested, this is not the way to defeat Gon eral Grant as a Presidential candidate. That must be done, if at all, by showiug that the Republican party duos not know what ho thinks or where ho stands. It is evident that in tho present situation ot the country, which no one probably understands bettor than General Grant, no man cau expect to receive the nom ination of the dominant party who is not willing to say that ho wholly and heartily agrees with its policy, and feels the uecessity of its ascendency. Gener al Grant has not yet publicly expressed himself upon this point, although all his actious show his general sympathy with that party. It is, therefore, premature both to iusist that he must be the can didate and that undor no circumstances cnii he or ought he to be tho candidate. If Genora! Grant would liko to have the nomination of both parties, or if he would prefer to he nominated without expressing himself inoro plainly, then wo should say that he certainly could nut be and should not bo the Republican candidate ; and we greatly misconceive General Grant himself if ho expects the Republican nomination upon such forms. He knows of course, that the party which is as sure as anything political can bo to elect its candidate will not nominate in tho dark or for luck. He also knows, probably, that under the circumstances he could not bo nominated by tho Dom ocrats. Would he then be likely to suc ceed upon a "people's nomination 7" Wo think certainly uot, because we do not believe that he would as a third candi date seriously reduce tho Ilopublican vote. Meanwhile we repeat that tho im portant Consideration in tho Presidantial campaipu is tho oontitmed dominance of the Republican party.'— Harpers Weekly. A Confirmed tjrumliler. Some time ago there lived in Edin burgh a well-known grumbler, named Sandy Black, whoso often recurring fits of spleen or indgestion produced somo amusing scones of senseless irritability, which were highly relished by all ezcept the brute's good, patient little wile. One morning Sandy roso bent on a quarrel ; tho buddies and eggs wore ex cellent. done to a turn, aud had been or dered by himself the previous evening ; and breakfast passod without the lookcd for cause of complaint. '•What will you have for dinner, Sandy 7" said Mrs. Black. '.'A chicken, madaip," the hus band. '■Roast or boiled?" askod the wifo. "Confound it, maunm, if you had been a good and considerate wife, you'd have known before this what I liked," Sandy growled out and, slamming the door be hind him, left the house. It was in the spring, and a friend who was present heard the little wife say, "Sandy's bent on a disturbapco today ;I sh all not please hitn, do what I can." The dinner time came, and Sandy and his friend sat down to dinner; the fish was eaten in silence, and, on raising th e cover of tho dish boforc him,in a tower ing passion he called out, "Boiled chick en ! I hate it, madam A chicken boil ed is a chicken spoiled." Immediately the cover was raised from another chicken, roasted to a turn. ''Madam, I wont eat roast chicken," roaicd Sandy ; "you know how it should havo bean cooked !" At tbat instant a broiled chicken with mushrooms, was placed on the table, "Without grceu peas!" roared tho grumbler. 'llprp they are; dear," said Mrs. Black. f'llow daro you spend my money in that way 7 "They were a present," said tho wife, interrupting him. Rising from his chair and rushing from tho room, amidst a roar of laughter from his friend, he clenched his fist and shouted, 'How dare you receive a pros cnt without my leave !" —Amoung the antiquated l#wa and customs of some of the smaller German States, which will be abolished on their annexation to Prussia, uot the least curious are those relating to marriage. In Electoral Hesse no man was allowed to marry if under twenty-two aud no woman if undereighteen. The result of this somewhat severe law was, that while in othor countries girls try to make poo ple believe they aro "sweet seventeen" for many yea's after they havo left school, tho Hessian young ladies often doclaro themselves to bo eighteen yoaro old long before they havo reached that age. The Prussian authorities, however will change all that, the law of Prussia making the miuimum marriageable ago eighteen for a man and fourteen for a woman. In Wartcmburg men are not allowed to marry under twenty-five, except by special dispensation. A curious law, said to date from tho Yisigoths, also exists in that country, forbidding any woman to marry a man twelve years younger than herself. In other German States similar anomalies occur. Thus, in Saxony, the miuimum marriageable age for a man is twenty-one ; for a wo man there is no restriction. In Aus trian boy of fourteen mty marry a girl of twelve , while in Baden marriages where tho bride groom is under twenty five or the bride undor eighteen, are not allowed unless sanctioned by the police authorities. TIIE LATE REV. DR. NSWTOH was onco speaking of a lady who hed recently died. A young lady immediately asked, "0, sir, how did she die 7" The verier' able mau replied, "There is a more im portant question than that, my dear, which you Bhould have asked first." "Sir," said she, "what can bo more important than ' How did sho die ?' | " How did she live 7" he replied. —Why will the book of Maximilian's privato papers, about to be published, be uninteresting? Because it will be a Blanc book. —The man who am lonely since my Mother Died" isn'lrquite so lonely now. The old man married agaiu, aud his step-mother makes jt liveiy enough for him. NUMBER 38 WIT AMD WISDOM. —An Impudent liusbaud man—One who horrawe his wife's feelings. —When is a crop likely to b»r -decep tive 'I When it is all in your rye. —Why are ideas like beards ? J?o> cause men don't get them till they grow up and women never get them. (Shame ful!) —Why is a \na« refusing a chew of tobacco like tho stem of the tobacco leaf' lie cause it's tho refuse of the weod. —Why is Hiram I'oWers the meanest of men 'I —Because ho chiseled a poor Greek slave out of a pcico of marble. What one cow asks another: " Wh* cud you bo thinking of ?" Answer— What I chews 1" —How may a man be known from a fatigued dog '! Oua wears a shirt, tho other pants. —What riches are those that certainly make themselves wings and fly away ? Ostriches. Folly has more commentators than wisdom—perhaps Uecauso her works aro raoro numerous. —lf ill luck befall yOa, think that it may ba a blessing to semebody else, ami that your turn may como next. —Our lives are truly at an end when wc are beloved no longer; the chilliness of the grave has been passed through. —Love is the shadow of the morning, which decreases as the day advances.— Friendship is the shadow of the evening, whichstreugtli&ris with tho sotting sun of life. —To economize is to draw in as much as possible. The ladies apply this art to their persons, and the result is a very small waist. —An invalid Irishman being arested for vagrauey putin tho plea, that if ha bad all tho work in tho world ho could not do it. " What aro yousmanhing that dog's head for ' don't you see that he's as dead as a stona t" "Yes 1 does : but ho did kill mine chickens and suck mino eggs, and I did shoot him burry dead. and now I Imls him know tint dere is an hneafter !" and the Teuton whacked away on the poor dog's skull. —A young lawyer was examining a banktupt as to how he had spent bis money. Thore was about two thousand pounds unaccounted for, when tho attor ney put on a severe, scrutinizing faoe, and exclaimed with much self-compla cency ; ''Now, sir, I want you to tell this court and jury how you used those two thousand pounds." The bankrupt put on a sorio couiiu face, winkod at the audience, and ex claimed ; "The lawyers got that!" Tho judge and sudienco were con vulsed with laughter, and the counsel lor was glad to let the bankrupt go- HAD SrrcM.S.—Being at a dinner, Johny passed his plata for turnip. As he had but recootly attended school, his father said : "Spell turnip, Johny and I wiU servo you." "T-u r D o-p," shouted tho young hopoful. "O. fy my son, that is not right j hold up your head, and hoar how pa spells it—t-u-r-n-u-p," (turnip.) "Sakes-a-live," ejaculated Madam, from tho head of tho table, "I should like to know if I am married to a man that can't spell his own vegetables !" Mr. Smith's dignity was wounded, lie had been schoolmastor down Kast, and he thought he knew turnips. "Spell it yourself, my dear," cried Mr. Smith, wiping his moustacho with unusual car?, while ho glanced knowing ly around tho table. "Well, I guess I'm able to," jerked Mrs. Smith, with a sublime toss of her cap border—"t-u-r-n-ep, (turnip.) Words aro generally spelt as tqoy aro pronounced." "I say as its pronounced turnop," shouted Johnny. "It's proaounccd turn-up," said Mr. Smith. "It is pronounced turn-ep," reiterated Madam. After niuch wrangling tho family re* membercd there was a dictionary in tho house, which was called for, and as we left wc had th) you are a bachelor, frogty and forty, Then, poor fellow, Saturday night is nothing to you just as you are nothiug to anybody. Get a wife, blue eyed or black eyed, but abovo qll, true eyed ; get a Jittla homo, no mattor how little, and a little sofa, just to hold two, or two and a half) and then get the two, or two and a half in it, of a Saturday Light, and then read this paragraph by the light of your wife's ejes. thank God and take courage."