1, 5 5t - • it 17 • •4. ; tf“ SWIM #rq.k . • _ • " M S . . , . . • 4 ' 4 0..L8 0 uRG umocß AT RE VOL XXXII. Vloatusintrg Mtl mouliwp EvErty WEDNE4n %T. tx DEOCINSEURtI, PA., BY WILLMINIMII. JAWORT. Tuttwx—stertrinven.•, tfiviiN paid within 1111 X MONTIIe. be (vela iddittionnl will he charged. rine0f 11 ) 1 9 1 11114 Willil 011 istreanisev hAtr i reVitple:4lotloWof the editor. 7 Wl* 4 :RiAliintaTi REIM ~ ... ..a _ 1 a tiger morn ' 4 M „ AIO , On. Immo oiw or three faagettiatia $1 50 Every etthwteent Ingeglidgitgglo i00015........,..50 MCC IL glito 3*. Os, IY, , Ogilloitmti ; Lao 3 (10 I 4.001 COD 110 09 Two 44414164, 3,0 n 00 i 6,t4 I 1400 I 1.1 00 'Three •• , 11,00 7, 5. 00 $.401 1 'Jo I K ilo Tolivitquagen, Ali e.OO 10,eo 1 i & 00 100 00 itilrerdliiiO4,, 1 Oo 13%00 14.00 I ii. On 1 :4 00 00,00i1POli. 1 'OO ^lti*.oo 00.110 IWA j 50,00 ~.. , . I'ES ;nand. Adanainflator's Nouns. .. • . tatal .40t Vitt I t • . emstatotne ... . anrthemen to lose rted *Nordin hflOpecinl OUlPinogo untlree. without advertisement, twenty. ce.iit Per ne. Thittstent advertisements payable in ad% Mite all raker, doe atter I hi: At* ilfoortonot. rttntold in OGive's Uto,k SI lin AMY', by FRANK It. t3N VIM I "T ietif Olt aY .7011,1 VILL. There wag n n►an named Furgu3on, Ile lived on Market Street, „. Ile had a speckled Thom.; Nit, '('hat couldn't well ta,t heat; lio'd c►►tch tunro rats and mica and sittit Thar► forty cgs could cat. This eat would Como into the room And climb upon a cheer, And there he'd tit and lac hisself And purr so awful queer, That Furguson 'mild ut hint But still he'd purr-severe. And dm he'd climb the moonlit &tier!, And lost' around and yowl. Anil spit, and claw another cat Alongside of the jowl, And then they both wonld shake their Awl jump around and howl. Oh, this here cat of Fognsou'a Was tbarful then to roc ; Ile'd yell precisely like he wai In awlul agony ; You'd think a first-claas stomachache Bad struck some small baby. Andull the withers in the street, Waked bythe horrid din, Would die right up and march their babes, To find sonic worryin' pin ; And still this vigorous cat wuuld keep A hollerin like ftin. And as for Mr. Vurmon 'Tins mere thnn he could bear, Anil so he burled his boot jack wit, Riht through ri g . I hid ing h t , a i r; _ thisliut vocirerens Thomas cat, Not one cent did he care,— Fur mill he 3:ottlel aryl kept Lip fur A staiio, Joon otoi, And his did fine n iloublite up As far ia it wpuld bond, A. if his hopes of happinoss Did on his lungs depend. This while n eitrvin' of hin spine And weitini to attaek. A cut upon the other fence. There came an nwful crack ; Anj. this here rtpeckleil Tiitilll43 Cat W busted in the back. When Fortzu , on (mina down next Jay, There lay Us old Mine, Ana not n life Will left :u taut Altionah he had ad nine. "AU this hore mules," said Purgoson, 'Of eurviu' of his spiuo," Nowell you men wove tender Warts This parietal tale dory tark,vt Just take this moral to yourcelve9, All of you, white and black ; Don't ever go up your b like this h ack l ere cat, To gettin' KATIE MORTIS'S ELOPEMENT TIT HOMERWIRTZ. Katie North was an angel, but flying, like Icarus, too near the sun, her fragile wings melted away from her shoulders and she gravitated earthward. No other suppo. sition to account for her appearance here below would satisfy the beholder, unless it were one involving the nebula theory. She teemed impalpable, intangible; there was nothing gross, nothings 'l'Of tba earth, earthy." Her lieht fatt scarce touched the wound, and she vented to float along —an airy, unsubstantial mass of curls, smiles, and white muslin. Her eyes retein ed the color caught in heaveq —cloudless sapphires. Her hair was painted with the golden sunset; meth instant <changing to some new shade still more beautitbi than the last. put, withal, Katie had some human uttribute.a. She ha .l an impel iotte little will of ter own, because it had never been thiearted. Careeeed awl petted by her Aotits father from babyhood up, she had nereilnown restraint or endured the pain of *big theltishimsratitied. A grieved took her fultqftce had ever been,potent to banish wendsl frowns, and she had lived on through the. eammer of childhood, the happy, careless songbird that fears .not or knows not the coming winter, and burdens not its lays with prophetic tad ,tese. 7 her Teepee; Katie tninUliated a Watley. She Baal a great for haudsoinu young follow with glossy tuoustriehen ; an . admiration which gave her father some uneminess, for be was anxious to have his daughter vow fartably married, and occupying a rosiwcts bla position in society : and ho knew that. as a rule handsome young men are not ss so "solid," as uglier and older mon• "Thi6 rule can only he accounted fo e ; by the groat law of compensations. livan• ty, genius and wealth arc seldom united in the saute person. Evory blessing bas its offset; every charm is method by some un pleasant quality or condition. Youth and v overty, age and wealth. beauty and silo 1;116'4', genius and ugliness, arc often paired with each other. Mr. North had taken note of his daugh ter's unworldly disposition, her uncaleut dng nature, her preference of youth, beauty, and rags (metaphorically speaking), to age, ugliness and wealth and it troubled hint nut a little. Ile loved Katie and could not command, while wise counsel as to good matches, with allusions to certain middle aged and "solid men, was thrown away on her. She could not understand, and was obstinate. Knowing nothing of the intri cate machinery by which greenbacks are manufactured, nor of the trouble and appli cation necessary to success in business, she imagined that money was one of the most plentiful things iu the world, and agrecabh qualities the most scarce. She continued to throw her smile 3 away 'upon handsome young men, and to pout !tor pretty lips at the heavy suitors introduced by her father. In this dilemma r funtilius determined to resort to strategy. The son of an old friend had lately return ed from Eruope. lie was wealthy, intelli gent, distinguished•looking, and of polished manners, an 1 Mr. North, set his heart on having him for a son-in-law. Ile knew that Katie could have but two objections to this lover: be was over thirty and weak by. To remove one of these objections, Mr. North r e..clre.l that Arthur Langdon should play the part of a "poor young man," while he himself would enact the purse-proud, indig nant parent. It was almost certain, in such ease, that Katie would hill desperately in love with her father's choice. if she could overlook his advanced age. Mr. Langdon, therefore, was invited to the house and pre vailed upon, as a joke, to appear before Katie as one of her father's clerks. At dinner time that day Mr. North in formed Katie that one of his clerks would call on him in the evening in relation to business, and that be preferred she would absent herself from the; parlor on that occa sion. is what you school-girls call a tliscinating man, anl I. have no desire that mg 'blighter should be fascinated by a poor, beggarly clerk !" And Mr. North rose very grandly, and turned away in older that Katie might not ace the twinkle in his eye, which her rebel• lions put had brought there. Miss Katie had intended to ti-it a dear friend that evening, but now she determined w post .= the visit in order to catch a gliutPtie of this dangerous clerk. That evening Mr. Langdon came. Katie saw Mal a; he ascended the steps, and was pleased with his st) pearance, and determin ed to tee more of him. Ile was ushered into the parlor, end was soon engaged with his host in a pleasant conversation, when the dear suddenly opened and the dutiful daughter entered as if unconscious of the presence of a stronger. Illicit she saw Mr. Langdou silo started as though she would retreat. but her flither called her in and in troduced he in a still; ungracious manner to his guest : "My daughter, Mr. Lnninifin," and then %at down, unnoyed nt the invrrup don. Katie bowed and took a seat. Langdmi, startled at such a vision of love liness, was dumb flrr a moment, then rising gracefully he made his most elaborate salam and inspite of the old gentleman's frowns, was soon engaged in a sparkling interchange of thought with the fair daughter. Arthur was as agreeable as he knew how to be, awl Katie was charmed with him, as she prede termined to be. All went merry as a mar riage bell, until Mr. North, thinking matters had gone quite far enough for a favorable first impression, hemmed, hawed, consulted his watch. and finally remarked : "Mt. Landon and I have much to say to each other. Katie Isere you ordered break fast ?" Lupien looked Katie pouted; but she took the hint and withdrew. The 110. chatting clerk hell tho door fur her, and, as ho bade hvr goo i•evening, he gave her u look which haunted her dreams. Katie was smitten, and Langdon was no less so. The old gentleman's talk about business seemed very insipid, and Arthur soon took his leave. llis calk were fre quent after that, and while Katie wondered why her faiber should tolerate his presence, she became more and more entangled in the silken meshes of love. Langdon finally de clared the state of his feelings to Mr. North, and requested him to become his father-in law. Ills suit was gladly accepted, but he was told that his success depended upon his maintaining the character of a remarkable genius in romantic poverty. Ile accepted the situation, and went many times to see Katie when her father was out. They soon plighted undying Nth to each other.— laaugdon painted the Odom of a pretty cottage, where love should be the household deity, in colors as bright as Claude Melnotte employed to decorate lain castle by the lake of Como, and Katie vowed to wed with him and with no other, with or without parental consent or blessing. lint how was the matter to be broached to the stern tither? Arthur shrank from thr insulting answer to be anticipated, and Kith while she feared, clung still closer to her adored one. Their anxiety on this point was &matted to be relieved ,n a very disagree able manner. One evening, as they wen sitting in rather close proximity in the parl or, the door suddenly opened, and in stalked the cruel parent with most furious mein. "What means this?" he cried, frowning savagely. "It means that I love"— "Fiddlesticks "No, Sir your daughter," BL OOMSBUItG, "Healy, Mr. Langdon, you are modest , I had not expected this Wow. The high alliance you proffer is duly appreciated ; but allow me to bid you good-night." "My poverty is a crime in your eyes, but your daughter has a nobler vision," said Arthur, striking a dramatic attitude. "I understand you sir, and' will take my departure. So saying, he seized Katie's hand for a momeat, and darted from the house Katie wanton crying to bed,and more deeply in love than ever with her beloved Arthur. The next day she received a note through a confidential channel, appointing an interview. Loving, but disobedient Miss Katie, met him as desired, and they had many similar stolen interviews afterwards. until at last it was agreed that they would elope, and trust to receive papa's forgive ness when all wits over. Arthur said he'd take her to his aunt's house, and so the time was appointed and everything arranged. That day Katie was more than ever ten der to her old father, who seemed in ex tremely good humor. She penned a little penitential note and left it on her father's table, and, as evening approached, she ar rayed herself, and, fearful and trembling, hastened to the rendezvous. Arthur was there with a carriage, in which he placed her, and she was whirled rapidly away.— They stopped in front of a splendid mansion, which was brilliantly illuminated as if for some great occasion. Into this Arthur led her half bewildered, and presented her to an elegant lady, his aunt, who took her up stairs to a private room, and calming her fears, decked her for her bridal. When all was ready, Arthur led her into the parlor, where was the clergyman and a mall company, at which the bride hardly glanced. The marriage service was soon ended, and Katie felt herself receiving in numerable itisse.s and good wishes, and then she felt her father's hand, and heard her father's voice, and saw her father's smiling face. ` Well, Katie, you have married your choice in spite of your lather ; but I for• give you, and give you my blessing." "My dear little wife, can you not welcome your father to your new home ?" laughed Arthur. "My home !" said Katie, completely be wildered. "I thought"— ''You thought," interrupted her father, laughing heartily, "that it was to be a small cottage with a leaky roof, but happily, nfter all, like a shilling novel. The poor young lover has not been left a large fortune by a rich East India uncle, but he has a fortune of his own, which in just as well." "Forgive to?, Katie, for this deception, and k shall l o tho last," plead Arthur.— "This is my house, and you are its inktress. I am not poor but I hope you will lore me us well as if I were." Katie wisely concluded to forgive her father and husband the deception they had practised, and finally became as happy a woman as the unf'ortnnate wife of a wealthy Wall can reasonably hope to be. How MrSIMAIM SWIM UNDER TIM Ica. —Muskrats have a curious method of trav eling long distances under the ice. 111 their winter excursions to their feeding grounds, which are frequently at great distances from their abodes, they take is breath at starting, and remain under the water as long as they can. They then rise to the ice and breathe out the air in their lungs, which remains in bubbles against the lower surface of the ice. They wait till this air recovers oxygen from the water and ice, and then take it in again, and go on again till the operation has to be repeated. In this way they can travel al most any distance, and have any length of time under the ice. The hunter sometimes takes advantage of this habit of the musk rat in the following manner : When the marshes and ponds where the muskrats abound are first firozen oven, and the ice is thin and clear, on striking in o their houses with his hatchet for the purpose of setting his traps, he frequently sees a whole family plunge into the water and swim away under the iee. Following one of them for some distance, he sees hint come up to renew his ureath in the manner above described. Al ter the animal has breathed against the ice, and before he has time to take his bubble in again, the hunter strikes with his hatchet directly over him, and drives him away from his breath. In this ease lie drowns in swim ming a few rods, and the hunter, cutting a hole in the iee, takes him out. Mink, otter, and beaver travel under the ice, in the same way; anti hunters have frequently told me of taking otter in the same manner I have described when these animals visit the houses of the muskrat fur prey.— The Trap. per's Uuhk. blAlittlAON AND DEATH. —Why' is it that the marriage announcements ate initnediate ly followed by the obituary notice in our paper? 'Mei death fidlow so closely on the footsteps of marriage? Is grief the page that carries the train of happiness ? Does the tomb open with its dark and pondeorus jaws beside the nuptial couch? This is the plan of life. The gleeful songs of light and merry hearts to.day, to-morrow will turn to funeral chants, and sobbing and lamentation ho hoard instead of glad, pealing laughter. We real to day of our friends marriage, them joy; to•morruw wo sec their death recorded, and say, " peace to their ashes." Our meniest songs are timid by footfalls of death, and the "silver chord" is as fragile as a spider's thread, and the " golden bowl" is worn brittle than glass. A ITIon lissr—A hole in your hat. A., WEDNESDAY, MARCH - B. a The United States Debt. Secretary MeCyht.nett infinins us in hie last monthly statement that the debt of the United States' on the Ist of this mouth amounted to $2,5'27,069,313, (tI thousand five hundred and twenty seven millions sixty nine thousand,three hundred and thirteen dollars.) We have an idea that a eleser scrutiny than any Secretary of the Treasury has yet given the financial affairs of the government, would show a much larger mount of indebtedness. IF our memory serves us rightly in this matter, we think wo might quote the authority of Trim) &Elwin for putting it at time thousand millions when all claims against the govern meet shall be finally settled. But the sum stated by Secretary MeCmocu is largo enough to put us into a brown study as to how and when (Weyer) it is to be paid. This vast debt is a legacy of the war, which resulted in freeing some three or fuur ►uil lions of semi-barbarous negroes and midi.- may some eight or ten millions of civilized, intelligent white people. It was contracted, we were told, to save the life of the na tion ;" but instead of " saving the life of the nation," the party in power that con tracted the debt and squandered the money, have so maimed it by lopping off nearly a third of it s members that it is now languish ing in the agonies of death, and, under the empirical treatment to which it is subjected by the quacks and impostors who have the case in charge, must risen die outright, un less the people employ more :MINI physi cians who will pursue a very different course of treatmeut. But the questions now press ing upon us are." How is thin debt to hie paid'?" " When will it be paid ?" "Ought " it to be paid ?" We can see but one way of paying it, if it is paid, and that is by texta tior►. The people are already taxed on all the luxuries and necessaries of life, on all Cur proceeds of thrift and industry, on sal aries and notes and bonds (except the gov ernment bonds for this very debt,) and in , .41- gages and receipts; on all they eat, drink, or wear : on all they can see, bear, taste, smell or think of; on everything, in short, from a needle to an anchor, to nu amount approximating, it' not exceeding Otero ken dr,ll of dollars. One hundred and fifty or sixty millions of this tax are absorb ed in payment of the interest on the public debt—the other one hundred and fitly mil lions are consumed in supporting a large . , s ern y used minty ins pn• m g negro equality ; on a freedmen's Bur e au and its various brunches, establish( d for the same purpose ; in supplying rations to lazy negroes ; in re-eonstrueting States, some of which were constructed before mostuf their present re-constructors were born, in paying a rump mongrel Congress tin• destroying the government and enslaving and ruining the country, and other like worthy ;purposes. Now, if the people have resolved in earuest to pay this debt, it Is time they were look ing into their financial affairs end deterrent. ing each for himself how notch more taxa tion he can bear. Can they stand, and will they patiently and patriotically ply twenty per centum more—that is an additional six ty millions every year ? ir so they can pay it off in the course of thrty-two years or thereabouts, and satisfy their " loyal" hearts at the expense of craving stomachs and rag• ged backs. As to whether, it'paid, it should be paid in government promises, worth from sixty to seventy cents on the dollar, accord ing to the fluctuations of the market. or in gold, that is equally a question for the tax payers to deeide. One thing is certain, while the mongrel negro theives remain in power, no matter what amount is squeezed out of the 'Triple in taxes, but a small amount of it will be used in reducing the debt. But now, as to the final question : "Ought thin debt to be paid ? All honest debts, whether of governments or individ uals should be paid. But is this heavy gov ernment debt, this legacy of a purposely prolonged and badly conducted war, this vampyre that is sucking the lifiP-Wood athe people, an honest debt? Was not the war for the most part speculation, urged on and kept up by all descriptions of sharpers and stock gamblers and speculntors and swind lers and theives, including the principal members of the administration and of Con gress, the men who voted and contraeted the debt—all of whom in one way and anoth er managed to fill their pocket books to re pletion with the money which the people were told was intended to be used in con ducting the war? Was not this debt Con tracted under !the pretences, and is not most of it held now in government five tiveuties and seven thirties and ten forties, by the rascals who stole n►ost largely, or made mil lions out of large contracts at high prices by the convenience of government official• who participated in the spoils? Certainly, if the debt in an honest one it should he paid. But the question of its honesty should be first settled, before the people are called upon to pay it either in goverment paper or in gold. The idea strikes us at this moment—and we think i is worth suggesting--that the only way which the debt ought to be paid, if paid at all, would be to tax heavily the bonds and forma sinking fund with the premeds by which the debt could be graduully extin guished. In this way the bond-holders could pay the debt and paradoxical as it may seem, still make money by their invest ment--I,lclietirefe ilirteatifssn. POTATO liltem.—faie wiiteTepotless po tatoes; put them in a pan of clear wa'et by the fire till they are dry and fall to pf i• elm; rub them through a vivo on the di-h they are to go to the table in, and do not disturb them. !lone Meat Apr Halt. We have received u knizilly circular and letter from A. T. Stewart of Now York city. doaler is (1 for Pro Went' N wives; chief wortopolm, bond-holder anti robber of the (Invr Club of Butrhor'n organization ; "ki ng u.;to h e lp omoioate. the. imtinnoletl drunkard who 'NleAlitolzed the road to lliehntoud with kttll of better men than hino.olf, as the people's cuntlitlute fur the Pre44 , .ney Great Gni)! GILANT the candidate of the people! The drunken 111111114 ull, a arose between the huri,e and tobaeco worw, he the date of the prop/e! The maudlin ignoramus of America—the empty headed tool of tyrunts—theco•worker with Stanton the infituours and other crea tures of the Runup—the besotted political mule who has not an idea of his own beyond cigar , and horses—who knows no more of statesmanship than Ileu,t Butler knows of his father—the blubber brained breaker of faith with brave wen, the candidate of the prop/ ! Nerer No matt who lends his name to the trai tors deserving death as do the leaders of the Rump party—no more tool who is like on Ass led by a market seeker—no man who would consent to be Dictator in Olrlt free Ameriett—no man who despises the Consti tution of the United States—no than who is ctudidate of such traitors as make up the Radical patty of miserly, snobbish um. nq,olists and bond-holding aristocrats Minsk to support hint can ever be the candidate of the people! We beg pardon, bond-holding Stewart, but the bait is too thin ! Under theca,. of the Ass we see the point of bayonets! We don't like tobacco smoke—it makes as sick. We do nut wish to see a horse occupying the White Douse, even if a clown did live there and die there! Grant would not draw Re puld;ean vote , . for he is not an expert at na-ty mot l e s to political strumpets as was the saint and martyr ! And drunkards de not make good Pre-ideas, indeed they do not ! Ah no Stewart—no Giant for us. We have no of to your furnishing the White house to replace what the wife of that great and good specimen of elongated smuttiness stole have no objections to your selling camel bsir shawl:, hoop skirts • hooks an d eyo, welting cord. bombazine, kid gloves of rat skill, garters, birds eye linen or oil boiled silk, but decline passing our plate 114 1 , horse meat ! When the penile want a mutlidate the prop/e will tell 110 q! And the man they want I.+ not the WWI w h o has piedyed se/f to make the infamous Stanton e. , 4 Dicta tor over all the 'tate, as Grant has. The polite want neither a butcher, a horse„ a blockhead, an ignoramus, a drunkard, nor a huyonft to rule over them, and ',o w le will not be caught by any quilt bait us used by •,111,1).., Nabobs, pv.1)01)111'1.4 , 4, aristoerat, unioiti•ts, Lama hollers, n.orper-, ers of liberty, tariff protected tunnufactuner.: and hull starved alti , licont , for office, all who are 6,1144 witiicued hto ks, with Grant thr bait I Ile i- =n symmithy with too many bud men to suit us Stewart, so you may "drip your line" in r. , lht , other p on d P. S.—Sent! u a camel hair shawl one of the "relic," of the late homenteal it may induce u, to "go" tor Uly. •,es and IMt faith- Eul Stewart! Who know,?— La Crosz,e Dcm weft!. A now uml exten , ive robbery and at• tempt ut murder, wus committed last Sat urday night at !for:cover's mill, on 'Nip,. hoeken creek. about three miles from ILA ing. Charles Lung, the miller, was attack ed in th e m ill, about 2 a. in., by u putty of four to , n, two or whom was disguised; was shot with pistols, and robbed of iouu, which ho had upon his per-on, lie was then left, tied, and it was di-eovered next morning that himi house had been entered during the night by the saint: party, by means of a :wool -story window. Two of the bed-rooms were ransacked, and $50111) in government bonds, $.2000 in greenbacks an d s2ooo in gold were taken limn a heretic'. It is suppomal the thieves had some previous knowlethze or the situation of the premises. Three nieu, who were ideeping in the mill at the time, were not wakened by the en counter bet Weelll LOW and t h e robber:, as the mill was going, nor were the fatuity diti• tubed by the ranee into the house. Mr Long hall returned the previous ovenbig from Philadolphia, where he had drown a `P,lLidt.l46lo ut [Hooey sit he. Third Nu- Omni Bank. No arrest , hail been made up to this time.—Nernwetotea Targroph, litmotln 14vontv..vrtnti FOR lIIELAND* A new reform bill iorland iw atmormeed by the &gild) gout mama, and bt thought that some einteiliatorY Ineaotres, though not in the most eotteiliatily spirit, will be adopt by Parliament, Conertionit Web are ino 1 , upon ettn,buisi,.p are not lik<<iy to but 3 very soothing tifeet Awe emollient al mientions to a di. vase to. chronic and deep. seat, us that of Trelltel may produce tem poral tepose, 111010, Fur seven &Igneous lrolmet has been harressed as an unwilling ea pt ire at the ear of Britb-h power, and what :the wishes i- to he freed. Noth ing abort or the restoration of her inaliena. ble right to liberty and the month of hate Illness will 44)(1841 tba.distamteot or the Irkh. ir What they want, everit their eonditiotaii other respects should be worse than it is now. It be not impossible that, in the course of human events, justice and right will yet triumph in that Wand, E 3 Odds and Ends. EDITOR. —A poor wretch who empties his bruins to fill his stomach. No man will ever be able to build a house by currying bricks in his hat. IF beauty "draws us by a single hair," who can withstand a modern waterfall ? Is it right to deFeribe a man who is pel ted with rotten eggs as "bowing his head to the yolk ?" Tut first thing a hen says to her brood and not the last thing a child says to his father—" Shell out." WIIAT is the difference between a ben and an idle nut,ician? One lays at pleasure and the other plays at leisure. Ir the happy days of wedlock are called the honeymoon, why shouldn't the unhappy ones be styled the lunar cesties? A nammt mum said to &sates, " You cannot stand on one leg so long as I eon." "True," replied the philosopher, "but a goose can." A I.IITLE DOT seeing a man prostrate he- (ore the door of a saloon, opened the door and said to the proprietor, "See here, sir, your sign has fallen down." A \Vim onsin girl, who became crazy at the death of ber mother, was immediately restored to reason when matrimony MI pro posed. That's what "fetched her." A DANCIN(I master in New York has in trodoeeti a "Kiss Cotillion," in which the gentleman always kisses the lady as "swing corners." Our imp of the ink keg says he will take stock in that kind of cotillions. AN awkward man attempting to carve a goose dropped it on the door. "There, now," exclaimed his wife, "we've lost nor dinner." "Oh no, my dear !" answered he, "it's tufo ; I have got my foot upon it !" “IlustiNu, I wish you could buy me SIIIIIC Nathers." lotlee,l, dear wife, you look butter with out them." "Oh, no, sir, you always call me your little bird, aud how dues a bird look without feathers?'' nosrANter.—A group of school-boys were endeavoring to determine to what spe cies the "Tree of Knowledge" should be so , igned. Little Tommy Jones, enlighten ed doubtless . by recent experience, solved he difficulty thus : guess," said he, IL a I,,"relt tree!" VERY AFFEcnsa--A farmer going to "get his grist gronnd" at a mill, borrowed a bag of one of his neighbors. The poor man was somehow or other knocked into the water by the water whell and the bag went with him, He wits drowned, and when the melancholy news was brought to his wife, she exclaimed, "i4y gracious, what a fuse there'll be about that bag!" " WELL John. did you take that note I gave you to Mr. Stuithersr " Yes, sir, I took the note, but I don't think he can read it." t'annot read it ! Why so, John ?" Because he is blind sir, While I wor in the room he axed me where my hat wor, and it wor on my head all the time." MISENDERSTOnD TIIE TEXT. —A worthy deacon hired a journeyman farmer Eton a neighboring town tier the summer, and in duced him—although he was unaccustomed to church•geing—to accompany the family to church, on the first Sabbath of his stay. Upon their return to the deacon's house, he a-ked his hired man how he liked the !wet' .hiog. Ire replied : I don't like to hear any minister preach polities." “ I am very sure you heard no polities to day,.' said the deacon. " I am sure that I did," said the man. " Mention the passage,'' said the deacon. " I will," he said, "If the Democrats scarcely are saved, where will the Republi can, appear?" Ah," said the deacon, "you mistake. These were the words ; "If the righteous searecly are saved, how will the ungodly and wicked appear ?" "0, yes," said the mam "he might have used those words, but I knew (heed well whot A MUSICAL CATE(7lllB3l.—What is A slur? Almost any remark ono singer makes about another. What is a rest? Going out of choir during sermon for refroAtuents. What is singing with an "undcrstand ing?" Marking time on the floor with your foot. What is symphony? Flirting with the soprano singer behind the organ. What is a staccato movement? Leaving the choir in a huff because one is di—u(t-tied with the organist. What is a swell ? A processor of music who pretends to know ull about the science, while he can not cesiceal his ignorance. What are grace notes? Greenbacks received for a quarter's salary.. What is a turn? When one singer is discharged to wake room fur another. How do you produce discowl? By prulatng a lady tinging at the expense of another who overheard you. Hew is a shake, produced? By estehitittho bellows boy Weep when the choir is Way to sing. What is * tat? A singer who suppone himself or Unite indidpettrible to the mow of the et*. NUMBER 8. Tnr. Womown Peonz.—The New York Evening Past states that it is conceded by those best informed upon the subject that, with the exception of the very hard winter 185.1-55, destitution was never so general in that city as at present. The reports from the various missions and other benevolent societies, as well as those from private in dividuals, speak of extraordinary privations among the poor, including an unparalefical number of Americans. This winter, for the first time in the experience of the police, American mechanics nightly seek the shel ter of the station house; and not alone for a night, or in few numbers, but by dozens, and accompanied in some instances by their wives and little children. In many eases, the applicants fur shelter are women and children—frequently the widows and or phans of those who lost their lives in the war. Some of these lodge in the station house many nights in succession. The an nouncement ii made that a co-operative stove foundry has begun operations in Sotn merset, Massachusetts. Shipbuilding in Englund is so dull at present that vessels can be built there at lower prices than for years. HEAVY S KNTENC ES. —ln the Superior Court yesterday afternoon, six men were sentenced for the crimes of highway robbery, for the aggregate term of sixty-four years and six months. Judge Clinton, in passing sentence,said in his experience, he bad never known of a similar awe, where six individ uals had been sentenced for the crime of highway robbery in ono day, by the same Court. William Manogue was sent to Auburn State Prison for a term of nineteen years and three months; Felix McCarty, nine years and three months, and Micheal, alias "Codger," McCarty, for nine' years and three months, for robbing Mr. George Peifer, on Maple street; John Jones was sent to the same prison for the term ofelev en years and three months, and William Anderson for ten years awl three months, for robbing Mr. Baldwin, on Carroll street ; and James Ilalestock, colored, for robbing Samuel Brown, also colored, was sent to the same prison fur five years and three months. —Buffalo Courier. 311c.twurats.—We have never seen so many Miemvbers (oceupationless men "an:- "• • ' as arc now to be met with daily on the streets. And these are not ordinary loaferswho would not labor if they could. They are the bon et and industrious fathers of families who arc never idle when they can get employ meet. This is a sad state of affairs, when men desire to labor and can get nothing to do. They will be apt to spit upon radical legi-lation which has so crippled the energies of the country that thousands of industrious men are thrown out of employment. THE Philadelphia Lager has the follow. ing, which will serve, at the present time, "to point a moral" if not to "adorn a tale:" "Hayti is one Of those lively places which is not happy unless it is constantly having revolutions. Saluave had hardly got him- Mt' fixed in the place from which Garrard was compelled to fly, when a new revolution broke out, which was only quelled by meas ures as "vigorous" as steel and lead could make them. Now again another revolution is spreading like wildfire, and the fighting has become general, Solomon having been proclaimed President. Ilayti is now enjoy ing the place formerly held by Mexico." ACCIDENTAL AND SAD DEATH.—Michael Hannon, son*,:of Lawrence Hannon, lisq. of this place, met with a sad and sudden death at the Colliery of Louden Beadle, on Monday last. He had set off a blast and retired behind a door, as be thought at a safe distance IV hen the blast went off a piece of coal struck him on the bead kill ing him instantly. He was a young man of good character, and we regret to record his untimely death :—Ashland !vomit , . A WESTERN Hoosier called on a boat cap tain to sell him a saddle of mutton " Say, Captain, don't you want to buy a nice saddle of mutton to.day?" " No ; I would as soon eat dirt," replied the Captain. " Well, said the Mosier, 'tis according to bow a man bas been raised. Now I woub/ rathet cot mutton !'' A ConesEn in Arkansas, after empanell ing his fury said, " Now gentlemen, you aro to dvtermiuo whether the deceased come to his death by accident, by incident or incen diary." The verdict was that" The &mem ed came to his death by widow) in the shape of a bowie knife." THEY have a new concrete pavement in Detroit, which is not slippery, noisy or rough, costs $1 25 per square yard less than Nichol son, requires no stone curbing, and is claim ed to be superior in durability to any other pavement in use. A SENSATIVE lady from the country look. ing for a coach, addressed a cabman : "Pray, sir, arc you engaged 7" " Och ! bless your puny sow!, ma'am, I've been married these seven years, and have nine children I" A NAN is a feel if he be enraged with an ill that he cannot remedy, or if be endures one that he can. He must bear the gout but there is no occasion to let a fly tickle his nose. POTATO CAKIIII.-TO a Annt half peek of potatoefi grated, add two eggs, mit, thloksa with a little flour, and fty in a spider, as bake. Boiled gravid potatoes may Wend. but are not quite so aloe. Wno was Jonah's tutor. Whale, who brought him up; 7 A
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers