Diary of a New Yorker. Rose at 7:30 a. m. Closed folding bed. Bathed in patent folding tub. Oooked breakfast on collapsible elec tric stove. 8 a. m—Left for office with 4,892,368 of my contemporaries. 8:15 to 9 a. m.—Crushed in subway. 9:01 —Crushed in elevator. 9:02 to 12 noon—At desk in office. 12 to 1 p. m. —Automatic lunchroom. Crushed in restaurant. I to 5 p. m. —At desk In office. 5:30 p. m.—Run over by automobile. 5:45 p. m.—Run over by street car. 6 p. m.—Home. Crushed in subway. 6:30—Dinner at popular table d'hote. Crushed by waiter. 7 p. m.—To the movies. Crushed in crowd. 9:80 p. m. —To drug store for soda water. Crushed in crowd. 10 p. m.—Run over by automobile. 10:30 p. m.—Run over by street car. II p. m. —Saw a parade. Crushed in crowd. 12 midnight—Home to folding bed. Crushed. — New York Sun. To Save Vessels |From Sinking. Interest has been aroused by an ap paratus that has lately been developed to save ocean vessels from sinking after being torpedoed or damaged by collision. The contrivance, which is shown in Popular Mechanics Maga zine, comprises a laminated steel disk, to the center of which is attached a series of rubberized canvas cone shaped buckets. In use, the end cone on the chain would be lowered into the water in the vicinity of the hole in a ship's hull. Upon being caught by the lnrushing water, it would be pulled through the opening. The whole string of buckets would then be lowered along with the disk so that the latter would be pulled in place over the break. The cones, being of flexible ma terial, would be able to pass through an aperture, regardless of Its shape. The disk, once in place, would be held by the pressure of the water against the hull. . „ PEELOR & FEIT Avvocati in cause civili e criminali Marshall Building, Indiana, Pa. SI VENDE "FARM" 215 acre con case e paese vici no. $l6 all'acra. Rivolgersi ad R. H. Cunningham, Marshall bldg. \ Spedite H Vostro Denaro con i VAGLIA GARENTITT ALLA AGENZIA ITALIAN A A Vast Stage. The largest stage in the world is that of the Grand Opera house in Paris. It is 100 feet wide, nearly 200 feet in depth and 80 feet high. The height is measured from the level of the stage to the "flies." The stage of the Metropolitan Opera house, New York, is 101 feet wide. 89 feet deep and 77 feet high. Not Including Meanness. The average human body, besides the carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and ni trogen of which it is chiefly composed, contains 2% pounds of lime, 1 pound 11 ounces of phosphorus, 2 2-3 ounces of potash, 2y 2 ounces of sodium, 1 3-5 ounces each of magnesium, sulphur and silica and about one-sixth of an ounce of iron. Welcome Punishment. Ruth was very fond of going to her grandmother's. One day after she had been playing with her little baby sis ter a little roughly and her mother had reproved her for it, she said: "Why don't you send me to grandma's, so I won't hurt her?" So There Now. "People could live on half the food they eat at present." says a physician. Also, perhaps get along with half the medical advice they are in the habit of taking.—Toronto Telegram. She Knew How to Do It. Little Alice, coming home from school, said: "Oh ! mother, I've learned to punctuate." "Well, dear, how is it done?" asked her mother. "Why, when you write 'Hark!' you put a hatpin after It and when you ask a question you put a button hook after It," she answered. From Lemons. Process invented by an Italian chemist for extracting essential oils from citrous fruits is said not to affect the chemical properties of the oils in any way, and It is predicted that it eventually will revolutionize the indus try. Musical Note. A London electrician has invented a safe that is* unlocked by a tuning fork, the vibrations of which cause a wire within the safe to vibrate in har mony with them and operate the mechanism electrically. The Roman "Penny." The "denarius," translated "penny," in each of the four gospels was the principal silver coin of the Roman commonwealth. From the parable of the laborers in the vineyard it would seem that a denarius was the ordinary pay for a day's labor (Math. 20:2-13). DOVETE rimuovere la vo stra mobilia? Per tutte le patti della Contea o fuori. Pronto e buon servizio. Tom Runzo 560 Locust Street Indiana, Pa. a DR. P. S. EMERSON OSTEOMICO Cura elettrica ed aggiusta mento delle ossa. 33 CarpenterAve., INDIANA, PA. GRANDE VENDITA SEMI ANNUALE Mercanzia da uomo finissima apprezzi veramente ridotti. m-*r; . w DR. C. J. DICKIE I . DENTISTA Room 14, second floor Marshall building INDIANA, PENN'A Capano & Valenti Creekside, Pa. Notaio Pubblico Spedizione di moneta in qualunque parte d'Europa General Merchandise Ufficio di fronte la "Sala Caneva" —_- - . Vestiti da tomo e Ragazzi MODICITÀ' E OUALITA' i DINSMORE BROTHERS p Indiana, Penna. ♦♦♦ ♦♦♦ ' ♦♦♦ .j. *:* For your PHOTOGRAPHS have * ❖ X ♦> tnem taken at ♦♦♦ f % THE GEM STUDIO $ ❖ Y We Make Them to Please *** V ♦> ♦> 730 Rhila. OPPJOOfG HOI6I Indiana,Pa, <♦ ❖ *> Costly Curlosity. A friend of ours has handed us thii lnterestlng definition: Curlosity—Pay ing a thousand dollaro to see your ap pendi*.—New Haven Register. SI VENDE AUOMOBILE Studebaker a 7 passeggeri in buonissime condizioni. Rirolger si al nostro ufficio. # THEIR FINAL REST TOGETHER Soldier's Intensely Pathetic Descrip tion of the Burial of Youthful Scot tish Officer With His Men. I stood one night on a certain hill that commands the firing line in an almost soundless panorama. Beside me was an officer of the Seeond Ca nadian division, who had just come out. There that night, by its white trail of iridescent light. we could trace the course of the firing line for many miles through France and Flanders. Just to our left the line of light jutted far out. like a lone cape into the sea. "What is that jutting-out place?" my friend inquired. "That," I answered, "is the Ypres salient, the Bloody Angle of the Brit ish line." To mention the name of Ypres is to have one's memory awakened with a veritable kaleidoscope of pictures. That trail of light that jutted out into the night looked like a cape, and an iron cape it has been through months and years of war. But the holding of that cape has been at an awful cost, and there was not an inch along that trailing line of light that had not cost its trailing line of blood. Just after the first gas attack in Aprii, 1915, the whole countryside was in a panie. The roads were filled with civilians in alarra, fleeing down coun try, and with limbers and marching troops hastening up. I was passing through the town of Vlamerthigne. which is situated two miles beyond Ypres. In a field at the side of the road I saw a funeral party. It con sisted of several pioneers, serving as grave diggers, a gray-headed Scottish major, and a corporal's guard to act as firing party. I learned that this inconspicuous group were burying the last originai officer of a battalion of the Cameron Highlanders. The dead officer was a young subaltern, and the gray-haired old major was hls father, who had | come from another regiment to attend the funeral of his son. So, over in a great deep trench, where a number of the rank and file of , the fallen Camerons were already laid. the body of their dead subaltern was placed. As I saw the officer and his men of the bonnie Highland regiment thus laid to rest together, I thought of the requiem of Saul and Jonathan ; "They were beautiful in their lives, and in their deaths they were not di vided." —Capt. Arthur Hunt Chute, in the North American Review. - Repair Ship Mysterious. The manufacture of a large part of machinery to replace anything broken is almost impossible in the limited space of the battleship's machine shops. But wondrous feats are per formed in the repair ships that ac company fleets on stations remote from dock facilities, states a British war correspondent. The repair ship is a huge floating smithy and machine shop packed with everything that the wit of man can concentrate into the space for treat ing wounded battleships. These ships employ some of the best artificers from our naval dockyards and are scattered in every quarter in which the British fleet is stationed remote from dock facilities. The Boche lins nothing like them and it has been stated that no inquisitive Boche has ever been allowed to intrude his nose aboard one to investigate its mysteries and take the information to his erti ployers of hnw the strange feats per formed by the repair ship are effected. The repair ship is the abode of secrets. Rides We ! ! at N'inety-five. Joekeys, no matter what tl"!°ir age, are generally referred to by those not closely in touch with racing as "the boy on So-and-So," but a stable "lad" stili going well at ninety-five is cer tainly hard to beat. There is one, as shown by the following clipping from the London Sportsman of recent date : "One of the brightest and most alert of the 'lads' ridine horses around the paddock at Windsor prlor to their races was old Faulkner. the grandfa ther of the steeplechase jockey of that name. He is ninety-five years old. His memory is of the best and so is his hearing. He has been connected with horses ali his life and many a tale of the turf he can teli." Sailor Invents Fire Escape. One of the boys aboard our navy's fleet has invented a fire escape which is similar to the rope ladders used aboard ships. His principal object was to provide a collapsible fire es cape which could be compactly and conveniently arranged at the window of a dwelling. It consists of a con tainer hinged to the sili in such a manner that by opening the window and folding the container on its hinge the metal ladder may be unfolded and dropped. When this opera tion is gone through, a means is automat ically provi ded whereby the ladder is held at a distance from the walls*of the building. The advantage of such precaution is obvious. Journalistic Dilettante. "What's the matter with the city editor? Two members of the staff are holding him and he looks as if he were about to have a fit." "It's the fault of that wealthy 'cub' reporter hired last week. The c. e. told him to cover a Red Cross meeting this afternoon and he said it would interfere with his utside I feel it on the in side," she said. Gamblin' Man Led to Repentance. During the recent revival in Ebenezer chapel Goat Simmons, the gambling man, "carne through" amid a thunder ous concomitant of triumphant hosan nas. He sprang to his feet with a loud shout and immediately tumbled down in a fit on the floor, where he postured and gyrated like an unfortunate toad in the embrace of a hot cornpopper. An especially animated squirm sent a couple of dice flying from the pocket of the groveling wretch, to be followed a moment later by another which caused a deck of cards to be widely scattered. "Hallelooyer!" shouted good old Parson Bagster. "It's de sin dat's bein' shuck out'n our sufferin' brudder! Shake him ag'in, Lawd!—shake him twell ali de sin am purged fum him!" "Dat's right, Lawd!" yelled Brother Bogus. "Keep on uh-shakin' de scamp twell he rattles out dem two dollahs he won off'n me at de lodge last night!"— Kansas City Star. British Army's Black Bands. At one time much of the music played to enliven British troops was furnished by black bandsmen. These were first attached to the army in the seventeenth century, owing to one of the guards' bands having refused, in a body, to play at an entertainment organized by the officers.. As none of the men were attested, they could not* be punished for insubordination, so the officers petitioned the duke of York, then commander-in-chief, that bandsmen should in future be made subject to military law. To this the duke would not agree, but he brou,?ht over from Hanover for the guards a complete German military band, whic included negro players of the bass drum, cymbals and triangles. Nearly every regiment in the service has tened to reorganize its band, engaging colored performers for ali percussion instruments. Down to 1841 the band of the Scots Guards included a negro musician. Fear Eskfmos Slew Priests. Advices received from Mackenzie river valley in the Arctic circle by the Catholic autlrorities here caused serious alarm among friends for the welfare of Rev. Father Jean Baptiste Rouviere and Rev. Father Guillaume Leroux, Catholic missionaries. It is reporter they have been mur dered by Eskimos in the vicinity of Bear lake, 100 miles east of Port Nor man. They have been engaged in that field for several years. News comes to Rev. Father Allard. ; the Archbishop's secretarv, in a letter brought from the Arctic Redriver and Written by Rev. Father Jules M. Le cuyer, Catholic missionary at that point. The letter was written on Jan uarv 15. She Makes Him. "Mr. Blobbins goes to church every Sunday morning." "I've noticed that." ' Do you suppose he will keep it up as long as he lives?" "That depends on whether or noi he survives Mrs. Blobbins." NOT HISTHEFIELD Wail of One Whom Fate Forbiès to Carry Sword and Shield. Hard Hi» Lot, He Can't Get Old Bill Meundgott—But Here at Home Ha» Ali the Fun (?) While Othena Fight to Crush the Hun. The daily papers that I see ali cry In tones of wonder, the praise of our fine lads in France who face the Ger man thunder; and not a single day goes by bui some kind friend wlll hall me, and with a two-inch line of type wtth gestures will assail me. "My friend." he cries. "the Yanks are there! And that big boob. the kaiser, wlll ali too soon their anger feel. and sadder he and wiser ! 'Twas only yes terday they took a mile or two of trenches ; and soon in Berlin's park» they'll be, a-sitting on the benches !** Now. I don't grudge that praise a bit — I like to hear them boasted ; 1 like to hear onr boys in France get 1 cheered and suiig and toast od : I wish that I were over there and scratching at the vermin. and now and then from time to time I'd pot a husky German. I would that I might lie and snooze among the mud and thistles, and eat cold chow and hardtack moist where shrapnel screams and whistles. But since I can't be over there among rajr friends and neighbors I'U cali respect ful notice to my own emphatic labora. I do not heave a two-pound borob across the German border; irtstead I plot a diagram and keep the room in order. I do not wear a hero's toga nor sport a hero's mednl ; instead I grade ten million logs and work the hot-air pedal. I do not help to crush the Hun with bayonet emphatic; but I explain the why and when of flelds electrostatic. I can't at present strofe the Boche with shell and sword and Are, so I'm content to teach a class the ways of braided wlre ; and though I pause to envy those who share the fun heroic, I force myself to lesser tasks with an expression stole. I do not much enjoy the job while I ain wading through it, but. good or bad* the job is here and someone has to do it ! Although I sit in peaceful enjoying things delightful, I long for Flanders' mud and iìeas and other tor tures frightful. So while the papera cheer for those who fight beyond the ocean, I join with them my heart and voice and register emotion. I wish that I could be in France to battle for our nation ; but meanwhlle how about a bit of home appreciation? So I just mount a near-hy chair, where those about can view it. and give three lusty cheers, since no one else will do It! At least if I must sta.v at home my courage is consistent ; I'd rather be In France than bere, a Theory AH eistant !—Exchange. "Duck Boards" to Beat the Mud. When the allied forces in Flander» are not battiing with the Germana thejr are trying to outwit nature. This la the substance of a report brought back from the firing line by Maj. Gen. Charles Clement, U. S. A. * Mud was a source of annoyance to the soldiers. TSo the en gineering force of Australia devised what has become commonly known na the "duck board." but which the Cana dians have named the "bath mat ," both being terins of derision. The board is made of a number of small strlps of wood, 14 to 15 inche» in length. which are nailed to string erà placed in front of one another and extending for miles. A step off the "duck board" means a plunge into a sea of mud at least three feet in depth. The "board" was devised to enable the Australiana te attack the German» more successfuily, and it served to pro vide a path to victory.—Popular Sci ence Monthlv. A Bergson Anecdote. Like most philosophers, M. Bergson llves a rather secluded life. His house in Paris is as quiet-looking and retir inp as himself. Most of his neigh bors know him only by sight. and have no idea of the distlnction enjoyed throwghout the world by this unobfru sive spruce gentleman. A short time ago, when M. Bergson issued forth to go to the French academy, where he was to be formaily admitted, the neighborhood was dazzled by a mag nifiefjnt academieian's uniform—green embroidered with gold leaves. a coeked hat and a dainty sword. Then the old coneierge of the house opposite ex claimed : "Ah! the little old gentleman has been called up at last. And about time, too !" —Manchester Guardian. Heroes Who Don't Like Worship. That kindly. admiring and enthusf astic visitors to hospitals in the wur zone constitute a nuisance and added trial to the wounded is the compiaint of the New York Medicai Journal. The patients don't want to be bothered with glorifkation, stili less with the dear. helpful souls who come to en tertain them during the wearisome hours of convalescence. "We know of patients dodjring behind tents when they saw certain ladies coming to them,'" comments the Journal laconi cally. California Sardines. Commercial of Los Angeles says that the California sardine pack for this year will exceed that of Maine, which last year monnted to 2,500.000 cases. compared with 1,800.000 pack ed in California. This paper asserts that the fish packed in California are trae sardines. while Maine packs a small herring.