10 I FRIDAY, JULY 16, 2010
`Custom Built'
Reviewed by Paul Osolnick
COLLEGIAN STAFF WRITER
After receiving treatment for a brain hemor
rhage in late April, Bret Michaels jumped back
into the music scene with a new release this
month.
"Custom Built," a 12-
track album, came out last
week.
The album starts with
new song "Riding Against
the Wind." It's not a bad
song, but it will probably
soon become over-played
and annoying, as it will be
the opening song to his upcoming reality show
like the world hasn't seen enough of Bret
Michaels' reality .
Courtesy of Amazon.com
The next song "Lie to Me" is sure to be a hit
with the ladies with classy lyrics like "it's just sex,
so let's just f—k" and "I'll give it to you all night,
even try to get your name right."
The only thing funnier than those lyrics is the
fact that it's followed by the G-rated song
"Nothing to Lose," featuring Miley Cyrus.
Hopefully, her "Hannah Montana" fans remem
ber to skip past the previous song. Though
"Nothing to Lose" is tolerable, the combination of
the unlikely duo reminds me of the Super Bowl
halftime show a few years back featuring
Aerosmith. 'N Sync and Britney Spears.
After the first four new songs comes a string of
covers, remakes and remixes. The next song is a
cover of "What I Got" by Sublime, and though his
cover isn't bad, like most covers it doesn't hold a
candle to the original
Track six is a remake Michaels has every right
to remake, even if it isn't as good as the original.
"Every Rose," a remix of the 1988 Poison classic
"Every Rose Has Its Thorn," offers yet another
version of the song that has launched a thousand
remixes. You can't blame Michaels for trying to
beat a personal best, can you?
And what would any album be without a club
remix? A club mix of "Go That Far" was thrown
into the CD. At this point it's like spilling a glass
of water on the deck of the Titanic it won't tar
nish the integrity of the album any further
The album also features a solo version of
Nothing to Lose" the same song from earlier
in the album with Miley Cyrus. Apparently he felt
he hadn't milked that cash cow enough.
The secret to this album is pick and choose.
Don't get the whole CD especially if you own
any of his previous albums.
Download: "Wasted'Time," "What I Got"
Rating: C-
To e-mail reporter: prosoo4@psu.edu
`The Nobodies Album '
Reviewed by Megan Rogers
COLLEGIAN STAFF WRITER
Carolyn Parkhurst's latest novel "The
Nobodies Album" contains two distinct plot lines
and neither of them is very intriguing.
Octavia Frost, the narra
tor and a semi-famous nov
elist, is writing a novel in '1
which she re-edits the end
ings to her previous books.
Her son, a famous rock
star, has been charged
with the murder of his girl
friend.
The two have been
estranged for years, and surprise, surprise
the book focuses mostly on rebuilding their torn
relationship.
At the surface, the book has the makings of a
great story. There's a quirky character (Octavia)
and a suspenseful story line (the murder). But
author Carolyn Parkhurst never combines the
two stories until the last chapter, making the
reader feel as if they are reading two completely
different novels.
Courtesy of Amazon.com
The story line that is given the most focus
Octavia's literary endeavors is also extremely
boring. There are only so many pages a reader
can stand to hear about the protagonist's hopes
and dreams. Maybe with some more action, that
part of the book could have been more bearable,
but for a murder story it lacks a healthy chunk of
action.
Those who like writing will appreciate
Parkhurst's analysis of the writing process, but
others will be left unsatisfied. Even English
lovers will get sick of Octavia's musings and
rants.
Your son is on trial for murder
more important to worry about?
The book has potential to be a great whodunit:
a murder scene, suspects with motives and a sus
pense-building ending.
But for all the build-up of the novel's other plot,
there is not enough time taken to develop the
murder plot line, and when the mystery is finally
solved, it's anticlimactic.
Spread in between the chapters are excerpts
from Octavia's books and her revised ending. The
stories are supposed to be analogies of her rela
tionship with her son and the tragedy they
endured (the death of her husband and daugh
ter), but they are just really odd stories and are
far too drawn out to compel the reader to search
for the hidden meaning.
Neither of the characters is original, and nei
ther stands out much.
Even the murder plot has no surprise twists or
turns. Readers may think the plot is building up
to something, but will be sorely disappointed with
the lackluster ending.
The 300+ page book could have been summa
rized in a few sentences, and so can the review:
Treat yourself to a better read than "The
Nobodies Album."
Grade: D
To e-mail reporter: mers2oo@pmr.edu
isn't that
Reviewed by Megan Rogers
COLLEGIAN STAFF WRITER
It's a "Gossip Girl" for "a new kind
of family."
"Pretty Little Liars" debuted on
ABC Family earlier this summer and
has since become a hit among
teenage girls.
Try as you might, within one episode
you will get sucked into the mystery
and hooked on the drama as well
Each show begins with the creepi
est theme sequence ever putting
makeup on a girl in a casket and
then delves into the wild world of high
school drama.
The basic story line is this: Four
girls are reunited on the one-year
anniversary of their friend Ali's disap
pearance. Ali was the ringleader of
their clique and the bearer of all of
their most dramatic secrets. It's an
unsolved murder, and the foursome is
receiving ominous messages
through texts, radio and even lipstick
scrawled on the mirror from "A."
She (or he, who knows) is hinting
about secrets only Ali could have
"Sorcerer's" fizzles, lacks magic
Reviewed by Zach Geiger
COLLEGIAN STAFF WRITER
This may come as a shock to many,
but "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" isn't
actually that horrible of a movie but
it's still pretty bad.
The Jerry Bruckheimer-produced
film, starring Nicolas Cage as Master
Sorcerer Balthazar and Jay Baruchel
as Dave, actually had some clever
jokes and intense fight scenes that
other fantasy movies like the early
Harry Potter" films lacked. The spe
cial effects are really well done, and
the choice to not shoot the film in 3D is
one of the best decisions the produc
tion staff could have made.
That being said, it's one of the film
makers' few good decisions. The movie
is predictable and ultimately lacks the
potential to stand out in this summer's
crowded cinema scene.
In the film, Cage's character
Balthazar must find the descendant of
Merlin to defeat the evil sorcerer
Morgana and a collection of other evil
sorcerers all bent on (shocker)
destroying the world. Balthazar has
been searching the globe for centuries
when he comes across the one he
seeks in New York City 10-year-old
David, played by the young Jake
Cherry.
Young David unwittingly releases
Morgana's apprentice, Horvath (Alfred
Molina), and an epic fight ensues. Ten
years later, it's up to David to save the
world.
This classic formula has been used
hundreds of times before, but
"Sorcerer's Apprentice" doesn't really
mind that. The main character is
socially awkward but somehow a hero,
then neglects the wisdom of his or her
known. Has one glamour girl risen
from the grave or was someone else
in on all the girls' secrets?
There are already two suspects, but
they are both way too obvious to be
the blackmailers. The show takes
bizarre plot twists, so the one thing
that can be expected is the answer
will surprise us all.
While the group tries to sleuth out
who the blackmailer is,a million other
scandals are also swirling around.
Aria's coping with her dad's affair
by hooking up with her English
teacher. Hanna's been arrested for
theft and is persistently trying to con
vince her boyfriend to sleep with her.
Spencer broke up her sister's mar
riage. Emily is discovering she's
attracted not only to bad boy and high
school freak Toby, but also her new
neighbor, Maya.
It has been a long couple of weeks
for the girls of "Pretty Little Liars."
You can try to stay away, but some
thing about it maybe
the scandals, the
suspense, or
even just the
killer
- 1,
e ,
..,
~..„.
mentor, falls for the cute guygirl. then
makes the tough choice between a per
sonal life or saving the world, and in
the end saves the day. Roll credits.
At least "Sorcerer's Apprentice - isn't
Cage's worst film. Cage's acting is on
par and he tries to breathe life into the
character of Balthazar, one of Merlin's
apprentices, but the script limits
Cage's ability.
In one moment Cage's character can
lift the evil sorcerer, Horvath, into the
air in the next breathe life into a giant
eagle statue atop the Chrysler Building
and then sling bolts of plasma from
his hands as easily as brushing his
teeth.
Then he's stuck in a 'Persian quick
rug,' a spell with the properties of
quick sand, ar
by Horvath's
Stone (Toby lc(
Balthazar's fin
If there has
search for the (
one would thin]
some spare ti'
magic and gel
petition.
As for the
rest of the
film, I can
honestly
say I hate
actor Jay
Baruchel
and producer
Jerry
Bruckheimer:
the former for
ing voice and
mation into a
esque characl
ter for his abi
ally produce
THE DAILY COLLEGIAN
wardrobes is too alluring to resist.
Half of the time, views will spend
picking apart the characters and the
outrageousness of their scandal-filled
lives and general bad attitudes. And
then, when you least expect it, you'll
be on the edge of your seat, not want
ing to admit your heart's beating fast
over the suspenseful plot line.
The recipe for the show's success is
two parts suspense and mystery and
other parts glamour and glitter.
The Liars haven't revealed all of
their secrets yet, and we'll keep
returning to the show until we discov
er what really happened that night
last summer and of course, until all
the drama is settled.
"Pretty Little Liars" won't be able
to sustain its current plot line for long
and hopefully ABC Family will be
able to end the show before it turns
into the next drawn-out "Secret Life."
The one downside is that no view
er's life could ever be filled with this
much glamour and intrigue. Instead,
audiences can just continue watching
it play out, every Tuesday night at 8
p.m. on ABC Family.
Grade: A
still make more money than God
The way Baruchel's character con
tinually ignores Balthazar is annoying
and childish. If the audience is suppose
to sympathize with the socially awk-
ward 20-year-old. Baruchel's constant
whining makes the task nearly impos-
As for Bruckheimer, I seriously hope
there isn't a Sorcerer's Apprentice:
Dead Man's Chest - in the future.
At one point in the film, a desperate
Balthazar gives Dave the option to
return Merlin's magic ring and walk
away from magic. I found myself really
hoping that Dave would do just that.
Grade: C
To e-mail reporter: zjgsol2@psu.edu
mers2oo@psu.edu