opinions
editorial opinion
Today . . . or not at all
Qualifications:
- Well, there he goes again. -Ron has graced
the American public with his extraordinary
command of the English language as well as
with his continued attempts to persuade us
that he does have the country in his best
interests.
4:411,
t
4
from, I don't know. I also don't know if it
Last week he asked Department of Health comes in a jar or box. And I'm not sure if it's
and Human Services Secretary Margaret red, like most blood is, although I would guess
Heckler to relinquish her post. in this case it might be green. But it's in her.
He wasn't the bearer of just bad news, The president said so.
though. That's not his style. In fact, Ron never Margaret said she wanted to take a couple
comes out and says he has bad news. He just of days before making a decision on the move;
masks it in rhetoric and patriotic mumbo- probably to call her mother to find out where
jumbo. she got this Irish blood from.
Ron had a better and bigger task for Marg: But wait. Just like a commercial for Ron
ambassador to Ireland. Wow. co's Vegematic, there's more.
In case you might think otherwise, things The headline to top all headlines is that the
still aren't too cozy across the Pacific. Their president's pronouncement of Margaret's
religious conflicts haven't been discontinued. qualifications has led to a leak of some pri-
The only thing that has been discontinued in vate, never-before-disclosed papers regard-
Ireland is the news media's attention toward ing his decisions about why he appointed
it; and that's why we don't hear anything several other key White House staff mem
about it anymore. bers.
So asking Marg to become ambassador to Naturally, this reporter sought out the
Ireland now is like asking Joe Friday to move source and persuaded the ground hog who
off his Los Angeles beat and head down to began this veritable mushroom of an issue to
South America to crack down on cocaine turn the papers over to me. My mission was a
pushers. success and you are the benefactors of my
But to add to the excitement, the president victory.
has called the move a promotion. Heckler Needless to say, we'll be marching to Wash
takes a $lO,OOO-a-year paycut and loses a ington, D.C. to speak out about these horrify
leadership role over 145,000 employees. That's ing series of events.
a step up? What's your idea of a demotion, Here goes: •
Ron? Caspar Weinberger: selected to head the
But even these two blunders weren't the Department of Defense because he shot his
e County voter,
thanks for caring about the
quality of present and fu
ture student / community
relations. Becoming in
volved in Happy Valley pol
itics may not directly affect
you five years down the
road, but that 1990 group of
Penn State travelers will
appreciate the- care and
extra effort put into paving
the road they will be on.
If you're not registered to
vote or are registered,
but not in Centre County
both today's and tomor
row's students need you to
become involved "in -deci
sions that affect Penn State
and State College. Students
are eligible to register if
Reagan's never-before-released selection process
greatest. Blunders always come in threes.
Here's the topper.
Doesn't it seem a little strange that the
person responsible for directing social wel
fare programs in the United States would be
the most qualified individual for the job of an
ambassador to Ireland?
Never fear. Our leader does have an absolu
tely justifiable, reasonable, and unquestiona
ble answer as to why the secretary of the
Department of Health and Human Services is
more than prepared for this job.
He said that she is qualified because she has
Irish blood in her. That seems like a fair and
just method of determining job qualification,
doesn't it?
Now, exactly where her Irish blood comes
nd go to school in
State College must be
changed not only to help
ourselves now but also to
benefit future students and
the part of their Jives
they'll spend in Happy Val
ley
Devin Malone, coordina
tor of the Undergraduat'
Student Government's vot•
er registration drive, sair
students can register ti
vote until 4 p.m. today i]
the USG office in 203 HUB
Apathy and a my-vote.
doesn't-matter attitude of•
ten stops students from
registering and votin,
while at college. But it goel
without saying that stu•
dents' votes do matter, bul
right now their registratioi
matters more.
\ ;
\
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next door neighbor in the nose with a beebee
gun when he was seven years old.
George Bush: chosen as running mate in
1980 election because hr's quiet, boring, and
nobody knows how stup, he really is just
what a vice president should be.
Sandra Day O'Connor: appointed supreme
court justice, because (what did you expect?),
she's a woman.
William Casey: director of the Central
Intelligence Agency because he's known to
have the largest collection of Halloween
masks and disguises in the world.
George Shultz: Secretary of State because
Ron's a big Charlie Brown fan and he thought
George was related to the Peanuts creator
and could get him to do a private show in the
Oval Office when things got slow.
Jeanne Kirkpatrick: former ambassador to
the United Nations because she has more
chins than Ron.
Edwin Meese, III: attorney general be
cause he once hanged a woman in effigy for
having an abortion. (Ron's not fond of physi
cal violence but he appreciated Ed's sense of
moral responsibility.)
James Baker: former White House chief of
staff and current secretary of the Department
of the Treasury for no apparent reason.
Donald Regan: former secretary of the
Department of the Treasury and current
White House chief of staff because Ron really
got off on how similar their names are.
William Bennett: secretary of the Depart
ment of Education because he disowned his
son for not divesting his stereo and Spring
vacation in Fort Lauderdale (another moral
victory in Ron's book).
Malcolm Baldridge: secretary of the De
partment of Commerce because it's a no
where job and it needs a nobody to run it.
Patrick Buchanan: White House commu
nications director because he's right-wing,
right-ward, right-handed, and right-on.
James Watt: Environmental Protection
Agency director during Reagan's first term
reader opinion
Responsibility
On Friday, Sept. 13, an advertise
ment appeared in The Daily Colle
gian for the pornographic film
"Insatiable." The ad carried the
usual picture of . star Marilyn Cham
bers, topless and barely bottomed,
beckoning seductively to the reader.
This particular ad even had an invita
tion stating: "HOW WELL AN X
RATED MOVIE GOES OVER AT
PENN STATE DEPENDS EN
TIRELY UPON AUDIENCE PAR
TICIPATION. FEEL FREE TO
SCREAM, YELL AND BARK AS
MUCH AS YOU DESIRE."
Has cheering for campus porn be
come as much a part of the Penn
State tradition as cheering for foot
ball?
The issue of pornography is com
plex and extremely controversial.
First, what is pornography? It is not
easy to define and one can get tangled
in trying to differentiate "offensive"
porn from "nonoffensive" erotica.
Few would argue that porn is an
artistic expression one need only
look at the pointless "plots" and poor
production. In essence, pornography
is supplied sexual fantasy. It is bla
tant and robotic rather than creative
and humanistic. It is physical fantasy
removed from the context which se
perates human beings from animals
the context of intelligence and
sensitivity. Outside of this context,
sex is degrading. Those who disagree
should consider how they would feel
if, instead of some anonymous body
on the screen, it were their mother or
sister.
We need also to consider the
statement made by the fact that the
pornography is being shown on cam
pus in classrooms. The administra
tion normally takes responsibility for
what goes on in its classrooms. Excel
lence in the classroom is a source of
pride; the administration readily ac
cepts applause for this. Does it simi
larly accept the screaming, yelling
and barking for pornography?
The porn
_films shown on campus
are sponsored by the Penn State
Movie Co-op. This is a facade behind
which hide two major campus organi
zations. The "co-op" is in actuality
the Association for Residence Hall
Students (60 percent) and the Under
graduate Student Government (40
percent). ARHS and USG sponsor
pornography. As co-director of USG's
Departmemt of Women's Concerns
this appalls me. What does it mean
when the same organization that es
tablishes a department to deal with
issues of sexism sponsors pornogra
phy which degrades women and men
to the level of screaming, yelling,
barking animals? What does it
mean?
A dichotomy exists in the American
mind between "belief" and "action."
There are cultures where this isn't
the case, where there is but one word
to express two ideas, where they are
because he sold the property where his own
mother lives to be strip-mined (one more
moral imperative Ron had to reward).
John Block: secretary of the Department of
Agriculture because only a farmer could send
his fellow farmers into bankruptcy and de
fault and still make the President appear
blameless.
Elizabeth Dole: transportation secretary
because O'Conner was tired of going to the
ladies room alone.
Robert McFarlane: National Security Ad
viser because Nancy thinks he's cute.
Larry Speakes: White House spokesman
because Ron thought his name would be kind
of funny for this position.
The list went on for several pages but these
were the key people. The president had made
some comments under some piople's names.
Nothing important, just stuff like,"leave it to
Deaver," refering to a note he sent to his
assistant, Michael Deaver, asking him to do
something.
Despite the outlandishness of these com
ments, several of Reagan's appointments
have met with fierce opposition on Capital Hill
when it came time for Congress to approve his
appointment. Congress spent months investi
gating Edwin Meese's background before
approving him for the attorney general's post.
During the 18th century in this country, a
president appointed his cabinet members
baied on a system known as patronage —how
friendly the president and the potential ap
pointee were.
Fortunately, we moved away from that
system and toward a system based on merit.
Some of Reagan's appointments give the
impression the system has changed back to
the old ways.
The march will begin at dawn.
Michael Kutner is a senior majoring in
finance and a columnist for The Daily Colle
gian. His column appears every Monday.
The Daily Collegian
Monday, Oct. 7, 1985
inseparable. It is one thing to claim
belief in something, but it's quite
another to act on that belief. The
University, through the administra
tion and USG, tells us it believes in a
nonsexist environment, but its ac
tions belie this. An analogy is the
issue of apartheid. The University
"believes" it is wrong, but when it
comes time to act on that belief,
"fiduciary responsibility" gets in the
way. Pornography makes a large
profit for ARHS and USG. Once
again, fiduciary responsibility wins
out over social responsibility.
I suggest that the administration,
ARHS and USG take a critical look at
the image they are projecting. Put
the "Movie Co-Op" mask aside. Two
very influential groups are sponsor
ing pornography at Penn State while
the administration sits back and says
nothing.
I do not advocate censorship. I am
not so naive as to think anyone is
going to bring an end to pornography.
As long as there are those desperate
enough to participate behind the cam
era and in front of the screen it is
going to exist. But I do advocate
thinking about the issue and the
image it fosters of men and women
and of the people and organizations
who sponsor it. If pornography is
acceptable enough to be shown on
campus, then it is acceptable enough
for people to accept the responsibility
for showing it. Don't hide behind the
Movie Co-Op. Patty Martin, president
of ARHS, David Rosenblatt, presi
dent of USG, and Dr. Bryce Jordan,
University President: are you willing
to accept responsibility for pornogra
phy at Penn State?
Susan Sturgis, senior-social work
Carol J. Gilmore, co-director
USG Dept. or ‘Vomen's Concerns
Sept. 19
Cure it
It is surprising that with all of the
recommendations the University
President's Task Force on Alcohol
released last week that all of them
were designed to cure the symptoms,
and not the cause, of the problem.
Anyone can get alcohol if he or she
wants it, so no matter what the policy
of the University is, students will
have it. Instead of cracking down on
fraternities and tailgate parties, the
University should spend some time
on an alcohol awareness program.
One of the simplest and most effec
tive ways to get many people to hear
your point of view is to announce it on
the radio and in the papers. Creating
more regulations against alcohol will
only worsen the problems. Only with
the cooperation of its students will
Penn State reduce the problems re
lated to alcohol.
Robert C. Rogers,
freshman-electrical engineering
Sept. 25
dn; Collegian
Monday, Oct. 7, 1985
©1985 Collegian Inc.
Gall L. Johnson Michael A. Meyers
Editor Business Manager
The Daily Collegian's editorial
opinion is determined by its Board
of Opinion, with the editor holding
final responsibility. Opinions ex
pressed on the editorial pages are
not necessarily those of The Daily
Collegian, Collegian Inc. or The
Pennsylvania State University.
Collegian Inc., publishers of The
Daily Collegian and related publi
cations, is a separate corporate
Institution from Penn State.
Board of Editors Managing
Editor: Mark DiAntonio; Opinion
Editor: Terry Mutchler; Assistant
Opinion Editor: Doug Popovich;
News Editors: Patrick Collier, Bill
Ferrell, Anita Katz; Copy/Wire Edi
tors: Bob King, Anita Yesho, Phil
Galewitz, Sue Graffius, Colleen
Barry, Ron Yeany, Lori Goldbach;
Town Editor: Peter Baratta; Assis
tant Town Editor: Megan O'Matz;
Campus Editor: Anita Huslin; As
sistant Campus Editor: Kim Bow
er; Sports Editor:• Chris Lindsley;
Assistant Sports Editors: Mark
Ashenfelter, Chris Loder, Chris
Raymond; Arts Editor: Jeff Bliss;
Assistant Arts Editor: Pat Grand
jean; Features Editor: Amy Fellin;
Science Editor: Nan Arens; Graph
ics Editor: Tony Ciccarelli; Photo
Editor: Jeff Bustraan; Assistant
Photo Editors: Dan Oleski, Gregg
Zelkin; Business Page Coordina
tor: Rich Douma.
Complaints: News and editorial
complaints should be presented
to the editor. Business and adver
tising complaints should be pre
sented to the business manager. If
a complaint is not satisfactorily
resolved, grievances may be filed
with the Accuracy and Fair Play
Committee of Collegian Inc. Infor
mation on filing • grievances is
available from Gerry Lynn Hamil
ton, executive secretary, Colle
gian Inc.
1:11111:1
opinions
Reality:
Once upon a candy cane . . . Search for truth
To: Everyone
From: Me
RE: National Anti-Apartheid Day
On Oct. 11, this Friday, at noon there will be a
rally in front of Old Main. From 4 to 8 p.m.
there will be a concert on the HUB Lawn. Its
purpose is to protest continued PSU investment
in South Africa. If you can make it, please do.
Schools across the country will be making
similar protests.
Young Hans Boswell lived in the Land of
Whimsy where the GNP grew by 5 percent a
year, and the interest rates were equal to
inflation at 1 percent a year. Like others of the
leading Whimsical Party, he believed in the
Gospel of Supply Side.
His father had worked hard and, saving all
the candy canes he had made at the Everlast
ing Gobstopper Factory, had managed to send
young Hans to the University of Flight and
Fancy where he majored in engineering. He
had no intention of being a mere gobstopper
maker!
And then one day, there was a recruiting
drive by the National Secrecy Agency (NSA,
for short). The man spoke of a great tennis ball
factory that produced foreign intelligence and
kept the Land of Whimsy's communications
safe.
Hans realized that the "tennis ball factory"
was a euphemism, for the lecturer's nose grew
by three inches, every time he said it.
The lecturer told him of the great benefits of
the NSA. "Shop, dine and sightsee in fashiona-
The New York Times is made available to students and staff of Penn State at reduced rates Mon.
thru Fri. The daily rate of .25 is 50% below newsstand. Fall subscriptions will start on the date you
indicate and end on Dec. 10th. Subscription information is sent and begins two days after receipt of
order. Make check payable to JORDAN ASSOCIATES and mail to P.O. Box 1307, State College, PA
16804. Further details 234-1788.
Daily pick-up location (circle one):
Bookstore Kern
Entrance desk
Findlay
(east)
Oct. 7-Dec. 10: $11.25 Oct. 14-Dec. 10: $lO.OO Oct. 21-Dec. 10: $8.75 Oct. 28-Dec. 10: $7.50
ATA-XO-ATA-M-ATA-XO-ATA-M-ATA-XO-ATA-XO-ATA-XQ
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TA - XS2 - ATA - XS2 - ATA - XO. - ATA - XS2 - ATA - X 52 - ATA - XS2 - ATA - X 52
c"-
rJ--
New tiork gimes
Dear Chi O's:
Thank you for making
this year's Bedroll
the greatest!
Love Always,
ble Georgetown," and "Urban planning at its
best awaits you in the new city of Columbia
just around the corner," enticed him. He was
shown pictures of men with voluptuous maid
ens, and generally given the impression that he
would be beseiged by female-person-types if
only he would work for the NSA.
He left the meeting, enticed by this, and by
the, ye, gods!, the gobs of candy canes to be
made. Yet, he was troubled, just a bit, by the
idea of having to lie about his work —and yea,
indeed, he did not even knoweth the scope of his
potential job-to-be.
He walked by the Christmas Tree Forest, the
Nation's Treasury (the only known source of
candy canes), where he met B.H. Liberal. He
was taken aback by the appearance of the
gentleman in question. Long, flowing hair, a
red bandana, torn blue jeans, an army jacket
and intense, enigmatic blue eyes that projected
something called sincerity.
Liberal held a placard reading: SUPPLY
SIDE IS FANTASY.
"Why this is true, I say verily unto you,"
Hans told him.
Liberal laughed. "Get real, dude."
"You speaketh weird," Hans reproached
him. "This is the Land of Whimsy!"
"I am from the Land of Reality," Liberal
returned. "I sayeth, I mean, I'm saying that
you also live in the Land of Reality. Whimsy is
a Fantasy made up by the Warlock of Bonzo!"
Hans stared at the stranger, uncomprehend
ing.
Liberal shook his head. "You don't under
stand," he said.
"Nay." The young man stared back.
A group of pinnochio-nosed citizens walked
by.
"You're living a lie," Liberal shouted. "My
nose isn't five yards long!"
They walked on. An older woman yelled
back, "My dear man, short poses are simply
unfashionable this year."
Liberal and Hans were left alone. Liberal's
eyes furtively glanced about. He pulled a wad
Waring
(west)
Simmons
the Del is
of fluff from his pocket. "Want to snort some
cotton candy?"
"But that's illegal!"
Liberal laughed. "Of course it is! Anything
truly liberal is illegal. For example, in a land
called Pennsylvania, oral sex is illegal."
"My god, what evil people they must be!"
Liberal nodded sagely. "You may look upon
me as a missionary, sent here in these dark
times." Cotton candy disappeared up his nose.
Hans watched, fascinated. A light, chocolate
syrup drizzle began to fall. His mind wandered
over his day and the strange encounters he had
had.
He felt his nose.
"A friend of mine has a problem," he said
His nose distended an inch.
Liberal frowned. "Not you too," he said.
"Just like the rest of them." He sighed. "If
you're going to talk to me, don't lie, okay?"
"Okay," Hans answered. "It is I that have
this problem. I went to heareth the lecturer
speak at school. The knight from the NSA who
was recruiting squires for the King's 'Tennis
Ball Factory.' "
He looked at Liberal.
Liberal snorted some more cotton candy.
"Anyhow," Hans continued, "I was sorely
tempted to apprentice myself to them. But I
was troubled by the thought of lying." He
paused. "Yet, I would not really have to lie; I
would merely keep quiet and maintain secre
cy."
A passing dragon nodded to the two.
Liberal looked to Hans, shaking his head.
"You don't unde,rstand, man. Secrecy means
concealing the truth. Isn't that a form of
lying?"
"But the lecturer's nose was not that long!"
Hans protested.
Liberal laughed. He looked up at the Great
White Castle floating in the clouds. "The Wiz
ard knows of ways to make people appear
sincere," he said. "He has r the ability to pull
what is called "a fast one" on the masses."
"Let us suppose that I believe you," Hans
said. "If I do not work to save the Land of
Warnock
(north)
Hammond Bldg
(underpass)
Creamery
McElwain
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in the Land of Whimsy
Whimsy, who will?"
"Must you lie and cheat to save the Land of
Whimsy?"
"Verily I say, if we do not, then the Cookie
Monsters will devour our chocolate chips and
Fig Newtons. They will lay waste to our
Christmas Trees!"
Liberal fixed him with a stare. "Are you not
the same as the Cookie Monsters if you act the
same? Will you not be as evil?"
"No!" Hans shouted. His nose reached the
magic carpet stop, a block away.
Liberal said nothing.
"Well, maybe a little," Hans amended. His
nose shrank, a little.
About a micron.
Liberal shook his head and his face held an
expression Hans did not recognize. We will call
it sadness. "If you don't," he said, "then the
Wizard will summon demons or impose slav
ery. Already your women must be barefoot and
pregnant . . ."
"But they are attractive . . ."
"To you," Liberal answered.
"But they like it . . ."
"Of course they're brainwashed!"
Hans fell silent. Clearly this person was
citing things that were distorting his world
view. Clearly, what he said was truthful, yet it
could not be really, verily true, or else the Land
of Whimsy, guided by the Wizard would not
have allowed things to be as they were.
Just then a demon appeared next to Liberal.
"You're under arrest," it grated, breathing
sulfurous Dorito fumes.
Liberal was teleported away undoubtedly
to the old Gone With The Wind sets where
political prisoners were held for reeducation.
Hans shook his head and walked on. The NSA
couldn't be all that bad, he thought. But he kept
his mouth shut, and his nose could not betray
him.
John Orr is a sophomore majoring in English
and a columnist for The Daily Collegian. His
column appears every Monday.
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The Daily Collegian Monday, Oct. 7, 1985-7
Face facts
I would like to offer my opinion on
the proposed alcohol policies.
Let's face facts: The majority of
college students drink alcoholic bev
erages, at least on an occasional
basis. Most have learned their limita
tions and know when to stop drinking.
Parties give us a place to relax and
let dowh our hair a little. They help us
to become more social creatures and
shrug off the pressures of school for a
while.
True, some people have trouble
coping with the responsibilities that
go along with alcohol use. However,
these people represent the exception
rather than the rule. The idea that the
new policies are meant for every
one's benefit is absurd. These regula
tions will effectively ban most
alcohol-related parties by introduc
ing more legal loopholes to close
them down. Students will not stop
drinking alcohol because of these
regulations. Those who still wish to
drink will only be forced off-campus
to private apartments and houses to
drink beer.
The acceptance of the policies rec
ommended by the President's Task
Force on Alcohol would be like decid
ing to cure a broken finger by cutting
off the entire hand. It does more
harm than good. We must show the
administration that we will not lie
down and let the University further
restrict our personal freedom.
The creators of these new alcohol
restrictions are trying to deny us our
basic human right to the pursuit of
happiness. The end result will be the
further alienation of the students
from the University. If anyone read
ing this believes what I am saying to
be true, then you should make sure
that your voice is heard. Otherwise,
you will have no right to complain
when your freedom is taken away.
Put down that beer Big Brother
is watching you.
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Daniel DiPaolo, senior-biology
Sept, 24