Editorial opinion
President Ford, like a poor doc
tor, has asked Congress to ad
minister the wrong medicine to the
wrong patient. Using faulty
reasoning, Ford decided that
Congressional approval of $722
million worth of military tiardware is
just what South Vietnam needs to
stabilize its military situation.
South Vietnam is dying and it
doesn't need Ford to shower it
with arms. Military hardware won't
do a thing if there aren’t enough
soldiers around to use it. Besides,
South Vietnam has plenty of hard
ware. Abandoned South Viet
namese arms are just what the
North Vietnamese use to capture
Letters
to the
Editor
One day in the life of Columbo, PSU detec
By TIM PANACCIO
of the Collegian staff
Donald Sweet, Chief of the PSU SST (Spy on Students with
Telescopes) program, called his daily briefing session with his
detectives.
"Lt. Columbo, I want you to patrol East Halls, especially
Pmchot, Snyder and most of all, Stone,” Sweet ordered.
"Detective Thorn, you take care of Centre and the sorority
areas near town. Wehl give Pollock a day off.”
“As for you Callahan,” Sweet said to his most infamous
employe nicknamed Dirty Harry because he used his scope for
sexual pleasure—spying so often, “You take care of Willard to
Old Mam. Probably won't catch any nudies in that area.”
As the detectives we& on their way out of Sweet's office to
spy on the students and catch the perverts, pimps, prostitutes
and pot smokers, Sweea hollered to Columbo. "Don’t dare
bring me back another pot-eating squirrel, Columbo or t’lj have
you transferred back to the LAPD!"
The Detectives picked up their Nikon telescope with a super
zoom lens and headed for their destinations. All they had to do
'or a salary of $11,500 a year was spy on kids and report to
sometimes making arrests. It was a matter of discretion
is to whether or not yoOmade an arrest.
Thorn was busy at Mc&wain. Peering through his scope he
Going to classes In the rain...
ONE BOOK IS WORTH
A THOUSAND WORDS.
Malpractice
South Vietnamese cities.
What South Vietnam needs, if
anything could help at this point, is
soldiers. And even Ford isn’t
foolish enough to suggest
sending American soldiers to
Vietnam again.
There ar§ other patients that
could use military hardware mil
lions for ’better purposes. The
United States for one.; India for
another. It's just not logical to give
South Vietnam arms it can’t use.
At least the requested |s2so mil
lion for economic and humanitarian
assistance is practical. But $722
million for arms is about as prac
tical as trying to bail out a sinking
Order your 1976 yearbook at the La Vie Table on the
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Juniors can still sign up fpr their senior portraits at
this table also. Sitting fee $l,OOl
SENIOR BOOKS - $ lO.OO
ship with a rake. £
Ford cited “national interests"
as reason to give South Vietnam
so many millions in military hard
ware. “National interests ’’ is a
great rationalization, but it’s wrong.
For how dould it possibly be to the
interest of the United States to arm
a country whose 1 defeat will come
in days? If Ford really had national
interests in mind he’d throw a little
money, to countries where poor
conditions are not yet hopeless.
It may seem callous, but at this
point the best thing Ford can do
for national interests is let South
Vietnam sink without prolonging
the agony with US arms.
For unify
TO THE EDITOR: The new coalition of the Stronger Student
Advocates wishes to congratulate Joe Seufer and Leo Lachcik
on their victory. Although the election is over, there remains
much work to be done.
We have stressed throughout this campaign the im
perativeness of student body unification and°unity within USG
if we are ever to fulfill our needs as students and to enhance
our educational environment at Penn State. It was for these
ends that the various candidates we supported sought election
in the first place. And it is in the interest of unity that all of our
candidates and supporters, those who lost as well as those
who won, pledge our continued efforts in this endeavor.
We hope that Joe Seufer and Leo Lachcik will joiij us in a
year-long campaign to bring USG back to you, the students,
where it belongs. We intend to implement a variety of methods
of reaching out to you in order to discover which issues are
most|meaningful to you. We also hope that through extensive
publicity of these issues, we may succeed in rallying your
support.
Mojst importantly, we want you all to know that we are
available, and that our efforts and those of USG can be
productive for your needs. But we cannot work in a vacuum.
We stfongly encourage any of you that have ideas which are
important to contact us personally. All people who wish to
helpjmay be assured of our appreciation.
Hojvever, we can no longer be content to simply sit back and
wait fjor you to approach us with your ideas. Rather, weintend
to come to you with a full-scale campaign to bring you closer
to stijident government. You are our resources. We can help
each 1 bthe'r.
Marie Blosh, Steve Brush, Rich CiCcottelli, Mike Coyle,
Debbie Foley, Barbara Gangwish, Dale'Ginsburg, Tom Greto,
reported to Sweet over his walkie-talkie. “I got two chicks
going at it in bed," Thorn said. “And there’s a black cat
watching them, too.” Thorn zoomed irt on the cat’s collar.
“Name is Pieta," Thorn told Sweet. ‘
“It's against rules to have animals in the dorms, get rid of the
cat,” replied Sweet. “Gonna make an arrest on those lezzies?"
Thorn thought for a minute and smiled. "No chief, I think I'll
keep ’em under observation a few days.”
Sweet was pleased. “That’s right Thorn, that’s your job,
watch 'em till they smoke some pot, then get ’em.”
Now over at East, Lt. Columbo was having.his hands full
trying to spy on the most heavily populated area on campus.
At the moment, Columbo was watching a room on 10th floor
Pinchot. “Ahh, Sweet, we got a bunch of kids—about
10—they're wearing Steelers jerseys and playing basebaM in
the room. Getting drunk, too."
Sweet was confused about the appropriate action. “Code of
conduct states that you can’t play baseball in the dorm. Better
make an arrest.”
was wondering now about Detective Callahan. He was
always late in filing a report from the scene. Confident that
Callahan wouldn't call in—as usual—Sweet got Thorn on the
walkie-talkie.
“Thorn whata 'ya doing,” Sweet asked.
Someday you will want
to remember.
Dennis Jackman, Mark Jamisoh, Judy Johnson! Greg Lynch,
Larry Meigs, Marian Mientbs, Kathryn Nuss, Kathleen
O’Donald, Tom Schmidt, Gary Sinderson, John Strand, W.T.
•Williams
Big Brother
TO THE EDITOR: It is a sign of the times that our budget
balancing university wastes valuable police service hours
spying on nude beauties through telescopes? I propose a video
system to do the same. Cameras coutd be placed in each dorm
room and the “best" parts shown at police group meetings. A
cost-effectiveness study .could 1 be made to determine efficient
placement of the cameras, whether hidden or in the open. In
the long run initial costs would be more than recovered by
freeing more police to ticket more cars of more heinous illegal
parkers everywhere. I'm sure that this mighty savings would
have us all giving three cheers for progress. Seriously, though,
Mr. Suit, Dean of Conduct Standards, Big Brother, sir, how do
you sleep?
Integrity? 9
TO THE EDITOR: I am writing this letter in response to Doctor
Suit's stunning admittance of the use of a telescope to chrok
rooms for “marijuana plants.” This would appear to be a
blatant act of invasion of privacy, and police services is guilty
of overstepping its bounds in its efforts to maintain "law and
order’’ on campus. Dr. Suit’s- feeble efforts to justify this
practice by calling it an effective tool against rape rings false
and the integrity of our security force must be questioned. I
"I'm watching the events around South. So far as I can see,
some frat rats and sorority chicks are having an orgy. And get
this, Sweet. They're playing “Lay Lady Lay."
Sweet was apalled. “Damn hippie, free-loving kids, go bust
'em, Thorn!” Thorn liked these kind of busts. The University
had made hire a specialist in this kind of arrest. He even took
an LEG. course on Cops, Spying and Perversion.
Over lit East, Columbo was busy looking for another bust.
While gazing tn-one of Stone's open windows, Columbo saw a
young man run in a room and grab a pair of panties and then
leave. He followed the intruder on zoom right down the first
floor of Stone as the panty raider went room to room collecting
the lace.
The parity raider left at the back door of Stone and headed
for Snyder. Columbo pursued him and noticed he wore a red
jacket that said “Little Lions” on the back.' *
It vi'as this clue that helped Columbo track his man down
once in side Snyder. He banged on a door on the fourth floor.
“Can I help you,” the panty raider greeted Columbo.
"Ahh, my name is Columbo, LAPD working for PSU,.I think
I'm here to make an arrest," Columbo said slightly out of
breath. “You see, sir, those panties hanging on your wall are a
dead giveaway.
Sweet was proud of Columbo. “Always get your man.
i 'And now, for my next act...’
Harry Martz
7th-art
doubt many rapes have occurred in rooms with the drapes
open, and stumbling on the one that might possibly occur
seems unlikely. If police services is to avoid a "big brother”
image, the use of a telescope,to search a student's room must
be stopped immediately.
An open heart
TO THE EDITOR: I wish to express the contempt I, feel for
Michael C. Pagano and Timothy J. White’s organization
(MALE). Michael and Timothy are shallow people. Their letter
in the April 11 Collegian is simply a demonstration of their
selfisfi lack of willingness to understand the suffering of
females in our population and the misery this merciless
society has inflicted upon them- 1
Although I, a frustrated male, have also fallen victim to the
pagan desires of seemingly shameless hussies, I am not
moved to condemn these deprived, tortured women, fnstead, I
feel compassion. While I do believe in the sanctity of the
human body and all my natural instincts demand that I protect -
my honor, I can not reject the advances of possessed females .
with a clear conscience. I call upon all men to dismiss the
propaganda of MALE from their minds, to renew the spirit of
goodwill and chivalry and accept the passions of desperate ‘
women with an,open heart and to bear the.bitter pain of self- .
degradation so. that others may find .at least a temporary
physical happiness in this world. This altruistic disregard for
one’s own comfort is the essence of a very profound sort of ’
love. Finally, I pledge my undying devotion to these unselfish
principles and I extend my hand in friendship to all down
trodden females. (My number is in the book.)
Anthony F. Yacenda
3rd-division of undergraduate studies
Columbo, that’s the Penn State
’em
As the day concluded the detec
“The only thing that bothers me i:
smoking pot. But J guess that’s se
“Where the hell is Callahan,” Sv
The door opened and Callahai
funny-looking man with a bald spi
"His name is Oswald. I caught
the bell chamber at Old Main;" Ca
"Good work Harry, maybe I'll ki
go see Deep Throat," Sweet se
agreement.
u^Coll
JERRY SCHWARTZ
Editor
John Bacon £
3rd-liberalarts '■
five
way. Get those kids! Bust
lives reported back to Sweet.
; none of you caught anyone
:ondary to our purpose."
eet remembered
walked in handcuffed to a
and big, flappy ears.
lim smoking the evil weed in
lahan said.
ep you around. “Now let's all
d as the others nodded in
9ian
ROBERT A. MOFFETT
Business Manager