Editorial opinion
Your chance
at revolution
Penn State needs a
revolution. - The student
government must be• over
thrown.
Even Undergraduate
Student - Government
senators seem to realize this
need,
since
resigning almOst faster than
they can be replaced and
since a majority of those
remaining either desert
meetings in disgust or do not
show up at all.
But before students can
burn off the USG wart, a new
student representative and
coordinating organization
must be planned, approved
and prepared o take its
place. The preAnt student
government is chaos, but
anarchy would only be
worse.
The champion terrorists
By PATRICK SOKAS
of the Collegian Staff
If you re a fanatic working for Puerto
Rican nationalism and nobody pays
much attention to you, what's a good
..ay to win some respect? W44y, blow up
New York of course'
In the early morning hours of last
:,alurday. five bombs exploded in front
of banks and large corporate offices in
rvionhattan The Puerto Ricans had cut
hemselves in for a piece o 1 the action.
Terrorism is big business these days.
Never before in history have crackprZ
s:ielded
. such power. The wonders f
modern technology have enabled any
Person or group dissatisfied with the way
he .vorld is running to become a lethal
power This is bound to cause a few
problems
People are so clever. Who would have
'hough' that. by adding some plastic
explosive to your protest letter, you
:ould add more punch to your message?
Yet some unsung genius came up v.,th
hat remarkable idea, and the letter bomb
was born
And those terrorists show up in the
strangest places. Who will ever forget
hose wild Olympics, during which a
band of touring terrorists surprised
SIC. Iten VaIRPM *Grader us.
Meanwhile, back at the Kremlin
By ARTHUR TURFA
of the Collegian Staff
President Ford's upcoming summit
conference with Soviet Party Secretary
Leonid Brezhnev will prove to be his
most difficult diplomatic task to date,
even if Kissinger tags along anyway. But
not all the problems are hanging over the
White House.
Eirezhnev really doesn't know what to
expect from Ford. With Nixon, the
bushy-eyebrowed apparatschick at least
knew what to suspect. But since the
change in leadership last Augu,st, the
Soviets really don't know what to prepare
for.
The following conversation between
Brezhnev and several Party officials, with
some KGB agents thrown in. could welt
be taking place in the next week or so.
The busy-eyebrowed comrade sat
with several Party officials when the
scholars were admitted into Brezhnev's
office in the ; Kremlin. Anxiously
A constitutional con
vention has been called so
that the new government can'
be ready to replace the old
one when it falls.
The new constitution will
not be written by just one
student or by some secret,
subversive organization.
Planks for new constitutions
will be submitted, studied
and improved by many
students.
they are
Not by special students.
By students like you and
your roommate and the kid
next door. The only way yob,
can make sure the new
government will serve your
interests is to help compose
the new constitution,
This may be a once in a
lifetime chance. The chance
to tear down a government
everyone by visiting Munich and
shooting Israeli athletes? That firmly
established the Paleitinians as the world
champions.
The Arabs still face strong competition
from almost any p South American old
enough to walk, however. And Isome of
us are still rooting for that old guard, the
lunatic Japanese. The old bit where the
four Japanese shot people in
discriminately in the Israeli airport is still
a classic of the genre.
In a new twist, presumably on the
sound basis that imitation is the sin
cerest form of flattery, the Israeli
government is becoming pretty good in
the area ofpterrorist activity itself. No,
you can't tell the players without a
scorecard.
New challengers keep coming along,
though. In the Netherlands, of all places,
four, prisoners recently broke out of jail
and took 22 captives. As of this writing,
most of them are still sitting around.
The normal European site for terrorism
is. of course. Northern Ireland. The
Protestants and Catholics in that little
province have been exterminating each
other at such a rate that even the Arabs
and Israelis are favorably impressed. But
the Irish have an unfair advantage in that
xr WORLP rood ORMSRINCE
MAWS KVA
Brezhnev asked tern. "The most im
portant thing is this: will Ford bring me a
car as a present litre Nixon used to?"
After a moment of conversation among
themselves, one of the scholars replied,
"Of course. Comrade. After all, his name
is Ford, Isn't it?"
Brezhnev shrugged- "Another thing. is
it really true that he makes t , his own
breakfast without the help of servants?"
One of the intellectuals said, "It is
true."
"If I may suggest something," a Senior
KGB man interjected, "you must make
all of your own meals while Ford is here,
Comrade."
"Have someone teach me how to cook
by then," Brezhnev ordered. "Born - 6one
told me that Ford plays something called
foAall. What ist it?"
A thin. bespectacled man told his
leader. "lt is a game invented by us that
was stolen from us by the Americans. It
is used primarily to provide en-
and replace it with a better
one. The chance to work out
and decide on what the new
and better-=one should be.
The chance to be a
revolutionary and not have to
carry a knife in your sock or
be followed by secret ser
vice men or meet secretly in
dark, damp cellars.
You are invited to be a
delegate at the constitutional
convention. To be a delegate
you do not have to travel
long distances on horseback
through mud to get to the
convention. All you have to
do is walk to the HUB before
7:30 p.m. one week from
today.
The ' first conventional
meeting will be held in the
HUB Assembly Room. Be
there.
bombing a pub at the right time can be
expected to wipe out a fair-sized corn
munity.
To date the United States has been
sorely deficient in terrorism. In keeping
with the great American mobility,
skyjacking really caught on here, big
killjoys with funny devices which deprive
us of our right to bear arms have changed
all that.
Thus, we owe those Puerto Ricans a
great debt of gratitude. They, have
defended Aemrica's honor in an . area in
which we were lacking. They have
returned us to the international terrorist
arena. Every loyal American owes them
his full support.
Oh, don't be bashful. We all do more
than our shares for terrorists. Who shot
Lincoln? Who shot Kennedy? Now try to
name the Presidents who weren't shot.
There. You see, you reward terrorism
with a cherished place in your heart of
hearts. Move over, Bonnie and Clyde.
Patty Hearst, we love you!
And collectively we do even more for
our beloved terrorists. Has it ever oc
curred to you that if we didn't make guns
and explosives so easily available, some
terrorists might be put out of business?
Perish the thought! But it just might
happen.
Side orders
Sixteen
By BILL SPANGLER
of the Collegian Staff
Trying to find a book in Pattee is always a risky
operation. And after what happened a few nights ago,
may never try to find one again.-
I went to the library to find a linguistics book, "The
Return of the Dative" by Victor Polschnitzen. As I
started to check one row in the stacks, I noticed another
student arthe end of the aisle. fie came over to me and
asked. "Say, have you seen a book called "Return of the
Dative?" .
'I wish I had. I'm trying to find it, too."
'Damn! I've been looking for that thing all night."
He started to walk away but did so slowly. And he
kept looking at me as if he didn't understand
something. "Is something wrong?" I asked.
"'Uh no." I
" , You sure?" 4'
"Uh well your hair is sorta long, isn't it?"
I shrugged. "I don't ink so. But they tell me short
hair is coming back."
"Coming back?" He S emed genuinely puzzled.
"Yeah, you remember long hair. The 1960'5. The
Beatles." I was beginning to wonderabout the guy.
• I
"Sixties? What're you talking about? This is 1958."
I was about to tell him to come off it, but then I took a
good loot at him. His hair was very short, a crewcut,
and he was wearing brown, straight-legged pants. But it
tertainment for the millions of unem
ployed American workers."
"Yes, yes,'; Brezhnev nodded, "Nikita
once mentioned that to me before he had
to retire. Enough About Ford. 'Let's
discuss the plans for the spontaneous
demonstration at the airport -to
demonstrate Soviet-American friend
ship. Comrade Samovar'?"
Samovar cleared hiS throat and began,
will have a thousand peace-loving
Soviet citizens at the airport, and each
will have a flag, either of the Socialist
Motherland or of Uncle Sam's , im
perialist--
"I warn youto select your words more
carefully," Brezhnev scowled, "Thitnits to
renegades like yourself, the wheat7deal
has fallen through. Such attitudes as
yours have no place in our State, un*ss I
say so."
• One of the Presidium members
present rose to his feet. "I denounce
Comrade Samovar for hoarding Wonder
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Letters to the editor
Student councils
TO THE EDITOR: We, 'the executive board of the Liberal Arts
Student Council, would like to compliment the Collegian on its
reporting of an area long neglected and, in many cases, totally
unheard of by the student body. This is in reference to the
article on the College Student Councils. However, for this
article to be effective in creating student interest arid par
ticipation in the student councils, the information needs to be
accurate.
The Liberal Arts Student Council does not, as the article
reported, require that "students must have a 2.4 average, be
above first-term standing...and be appointed by a department
head." Although some students are recommended by
department heads, any student in the Liberal Arts College can
be a member of the Council provided that he or she attends two
consecutive meetings. No - specific GPA or term standing is
necessary. The only real requirement we have is that the
person be interested in representing and aiding the students of
the Liberal Arts College. C.}
Mark Gurevitz
Vice President, Liberal Arts Student Council
Bargaining dance
TO THE EDITOR: See, I told you that the PSUPA-NEA union'
people were sometimes comical. And now, ladies and gen
tlemen, for the first time ever on stage, screen, or the written
line, this world famous comic troupe brings to you a new
height in comic dance the "PSUPA side step shuffle." Come j
and see PSUPA agilely and gracefully pirouette about the
issues, flitting here, flitting' there, defying the eye, never
seeming to land on an issue. In the words of Charles Sandman,
"Isn't it amazing!"
In their letter to The Daily Collegian of Oct. 21, Messrs.
Olsen and Glatz do a pas de deux behind the refuge of Public
Law 195 to justify their attempt to disband the Faculty Senate.
An-a-one, an-a-two, and it's the old PSUPA side step shuffle
performed right before your, very unbelieving eyes. If the
Senate is disbanded, the students at this institution are in a
great deal of trouble. Do Olsen and Golatz tell us that they are
accepting this terrible risk simply in order to serve the ends of
their union? Do they tell us that they have even considered the
risk involved? Nope. An-a-one, an-a-two...
years and still no book
was what he was wearing on his feet that convinced
me• brown penny loafers and white socks.
"Uh I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it's not
1958. It's 1974.-
- 1974? Are you serious?" •
"How long do you think I'd last with this hair in
1958?"
"About 30 sec —" He stopped in mid-phrase, and
slumped agAlnst a wall. "Oh my God. I've been here 16
years."
I'm afraid so."
Is Eisenhower still president?"
I'm afraid not." -
Don't tell me that sonuvabitch Nixon is in?'
"Well not exactly." I paused, then continued, "It's
sort of a long story."
"Don't bother with it, then," the other man replied. "I
don't really bother with politics."
"Are you sure you're not from 1974?"
"What does that mean?" he snapped.
"Never mind. What do you want to hear about?"
"I,don't know. There there's so much. What's it like
now?"
I thought for a moment, trying to figure out where to
begin. Finally I replied, "Expensive. The cost of lilOng
has really gone up. A lot of people think there's going to
be a depressiori."
"It's the Commies, " he stated flatly.
"What?"
"I bet the Commies are behind it."
Bread and for betraying dialectical
materialism!"
Samovar penied this treasonous act.
"Is not Wonder Bread. Is Peoples'
Wonder Bread made by the Pskov fac
tory.-
Brezhnev 'pressed a button and the
quarreling comrades fell through a trap
door. "Now back to the demonstration.
Everybody will be dlven good winter
coats to show how well-dressed the
Soviet'people are. Afterwareft the coats
will be collected and, pending con
clusion of a trade agreement, sent to
bourgeois stores on New York's Fifth
Avenue." " •
This last action went over very well
with (those left. Brezhnev was
congratulated for being a better
capitalist than the Americans. He
shrugged off the compliments and said,
- Marx obviously never anticipated Ford's
appearing in the dialectic."
Kevin Byrne
Chairperson, Good Offices Panel
o:Collegian
DIANE M. NOTTLE
Editor
Editorial policy is determined by the Editor
Opinions expressed by the editors and staff of The Daily Collegian are not necessarily
those of the University administration faculty or students.
Editorial Staff: 865-1828
Sports Staff: 865-1820
Business Staff: 865.2531
BOARD OF EDITORS: MANAGING EDITOR, Steve Ostrosky; EDITORIAL EDITOR. Barb
White: NEWS. EDITOR, Glenda Gephart; COPY EDITORS, Jean LaPenna, Robyn Moses,
Jerry Schwartz; LAYOUT EDITORS, Cathy Cipolkt, Paula Ruth: SPORTS EDITOR, Rick
Starr; ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITORS, Tim Panaccio, Jeff Young; PHOTO EDITOR, Ed
Gokmb, ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR, •Ed Patsa; EDITORIAL CARTOONISTS, Tom Gibb,
Mike Sanni; WEATHER REPORTER, Thad Chupalio.
in his testimony before_the PLRB, Olsen was asked "if
PSUPA was working to become an alternative to the Senate..."
'According to the Oct. 9 Alle g ian, Ofsen answered, "after
some hesitation, No." Kind of sounds like they've been so
busy doing the PSUDA side step shuffle that they haven't
gotten around to thinking about the implications of what
they're doing. To mess up a musical metaphor, PSUPA danced
while Penn State burned.
In their letter of Oct. 21, Olsen and Golatz say "NEA is
unlikely to renege...on its commitments to its constituents
and adherents." An-a-one, an-a-two, who are those con
stituents and adherents? The dues paying members of course,
not the students.
letter to the Collegian of Oct. 11, I charged that the
students were,getting the short end of PSUPA-NEA's actions.
Do Olsen and. Golatz retute this charge'? Instead we get the
PSUPA side step shuffle once more. Why the elaborate dance?
I don't believe that PSUPA can demonstrate any student
benefits to faculty unionization.
It all boils down to one issue, in my opinion. Are we going to
dance around all the time? It's your choice.
Rudeness
TO THE EDITOR: I would like to express my annoyance that I
and others feel toward the discourtesy displayed by a great
many students in my Bi Sci 3 class. Rustling notebooks,
putting on coats and leaving in the middle of the professor's
sentence is rude enough, but I was appalled by today's in
cident. The reason I mention the class by name is because a
film was shown this morning on an endangered species, a
timely topic one would think- would generate some concern.
The film was approaching its climax, with about four minutes
of class time remaining, when the majority of students began
rustling belongings, talking and pouring (noisily) from the
lecture hall. It became so distracting that the professor shut
off the film and those who were interested never did see the
end. I can understand students leaving at the official end of
class, but the bad manners and the apathy - displayed today by
students leaving during the main point of a film, especially one
of such ecological concern, irritated me. I' hope that some
awareness of this behavior changes the situation.
"I really don't think so," I answered. "Besides, we're
friends with the Communists now. We've been selling
them grain."
"Friends?" He repeated
democracy everywhere?"
I shrugged. "It wasn't my idea."
"That's unbelievable. Has everything changed that
much?"
- Pretty much so."
"What's music like? Do people still play rock and
roll?"
"Oh yeah. There're a lot of rock and roll groups
There's Mott the Hoople and Lou —".
"Mott the who?" he interrupted.
"Mott the Hoople. They're a glitter rock group."'
"Slow down. slow down. What's glitter rock?"
Suddenly, I realized what I was letting myself in for.
Glitter -rock singers wear a lot of makeup, and
highheeled shoes and—"
'They sound like they're queer
Well uh listen I can't explain this by myself
Come with me, and I'll find someone who can help us.'
No, thanks
What?"
you think I'm going outside after what you told me,
you're crazy." He paused, then said, "There is one thing
vou can do for me."
;What's that's"
If you find that book, let me know, willya?
ouccessor to the Free Lance, est. 1887
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R.E. Bruneau
Instructor in mineral economics
Name withheld
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