PAGE TWO
TEE DAILY COLLEGIAN
'Tor A Bettor "Pena State"
V-l-'thlUhp.i 1010. Successor to thv Penn State Collegian,
lUitahi'ished 1904. an.l the free Lance, establtehed 1887.
Published dailv except Sunday and Monday during the reg
ular College year by the students of The Pennsylvania State
College. Entered as second-class matter July 5. 1934 at the
JPont Office at State College, Pa., under the act of March 8,
XH79
Member
Associated Golle&icite Press
Golle6ici!e Di6esl
Chief Eool-In-Commntui Jane MurplisUi
Mo. 2 Fool-In-Commnud J» M. WinWrowitr.
Ceneml Gesler Sal Hnrshbergillo
Major Clown -■ H. Keefutivmski
) ! 'c>olish FieriPrlinirs . Alice boxless.
Bita Bcllefonte. Jane McChestmit, Penny Gooder
thnn-thmi. Serene Au-u-rose. Tree You-lcnrn-cr
Chief Censor Sorry-losl-tn hind
llubcensor - I.nsh symse
Thursday, April 1 1943
We Want Moitle
Chee kids, we can’t let ’em do it to us. Spring
comes to de borough at long last and de boids
v:hoip all over the place like mad. So wbat hap
pens? Before I answer yer question I’m tellin’
kids dat Collegian has jest got to do some
thing reel radical about dis here ting der doin to
Spring—we got make a big I'at policy or some
thin.
Now the question has to do wit all dis stuff
-dats bein throwd around camps and spoilin de
cool, sweet odors of spring.
It could be. dat “don’t-tread-on-me-Ebert” has
' had this goo spread around so us stoogents don’t
step on his “grass in de makin.’’ If dis is de case
then we surrender, dear, dear Mr. Ebert. Our si
.•mises isrevoltin and not only dat . . . . de stuff
igets all over yer shoes.
Neverthehowever, if this hm-e menace makes
.for bigger and better blades —who are we to
complain? (but, chee, we got to bitch about some
thin—we’re the voice of the pimples, y’know)..
We, Pauline Ivanhoe Woodpulp and Company,
want some action, some cooperation or we’ll blast
the Grounds and Buildings wide open. Our ideer
is to perfume the mess, if we got to have it, wit
sweet moitle or wiolet odors, say fer a ferin
fitatice.
We have such a short time to brighten fer
instance,
We have such a short time to brighten yer drab
v/oilds—(spoken wit a sob in de voice and tear
in eye). We want to leave our Alma Mammy with
the sweet odors of stale beer and the last issue
of Froth lingering in our nostrils. So, what does
this low Grounds and Buildings go and do, please?
Ah, ha, they pull a fast one and fertilize. Welcome
sweet spring time, it stays here. We wait for three
months to welcome it and then de littlemen on
the white wagons drive us out of this woild wit
the smell.
Again, and inconclusion, I rave on in true Nor
ristown Times Herald style—THEY CAN’T DO IT
TO US. So there.
(Editor’s Note: Boy, are we ever doity.)
—M. L. G.
College Needs Bath
What this College needs is a good bird bath.
Now that the senior class' gift is being consid
ered, rumors around campus seem to indicate that
our fine feathered friends, the hearalders of
apring, the birds, should have a place to nest and
rest and bathe. -
What would he a more beautiful sight (in the
cur fine feathered friends, the heralders of
birds, singing happy little songs, around an enor
mous fountain? And what could be a more appro
priate spot than in front of Old Main?
Besides that, many students, weary of the day’s
activities, could cool off by also jumping gayly
.into the bath with the birds. Npw that the days
of the car are put aside for a while, it seems only
right that students be permitted some recreation.
And a bird bath seems to be an answer' to our
problem.
Of course, to be centrally located, the bird bath
would , have to be in the same spot that the flag
■ pole now occupies, so the flag pole will- have to
be removed, Nbw, the question arises, where shall
' we put the flag pole?
And like every question under the sun, even
this one. has an answer. Holmes Field, naturally!
■„ What a great difference it would make in that
broad, barren expanse to have a flag pole situ
ated right smack in the middle.
We propose that the Senior class give this year’s
proftts to the boids what desoive it!
Distributor of
Call 5051
Ed. Note —Clever Classified 1-A, and left for
the air corpse, consequently “Clever no longer
comments.’’ in a vain attempt to locate a tew
slugs to - fill the ensuing cavity in this female
folly, and with aid of several cohorts we dug up
a few choice (?) ade-wanted items from the local
moining joinal, verabtim.
Top rates, unlimited overtime—excellent-work
ing conditions; night shift; amuse George Pitten
ger while Ruthie Storer strives to keep up air
corpse morale.
Chambermaid - Waitress - Cook - Houseworlcer,
Nursemaid—inefficient; experienced; under 21;
dependable; excellent salary; considerable treat
ment. Call Barracks 18.
Competent Engineer—to measure myriads of
holes in socks sent by Wesley Nyborgf grad, to
Ellen H. Richards Sock and Button Clinic—open
only to eligible bachelors —so the gals don’t havta
count ’em.
Has Romance Bailed to Knock At Your Door?
—Apply Central Penna. Marriage Clinic, ask for
Mable at Pi Kappa Phi. (Repeat by popular re
quest.) Apply at own risk.-
Wanted: Tonic or sufferers daring to read the
following:
Springs come after Winter;
Springs come after mattresses;
Springs come down mountains;
Ah! Springs!
* * * *
Wanted: Experienced, roofers; Saturday night;.
Armory; clean up after Cissel and the gang get
outa Dry Dock.
Adding machine wanted: Tabulate calls the
Chi O’s’ll undoubtedly get after their latest brawl
with the Kappa Sigs last night.
Few grains eau de cologne neeeded to counter
act Spring breezes gracing the campus.
tar M is U Sawo
P lotas
War IBdimds
im ft Pay Day
IMPRINTED
STATIONERY
MADE TO ORDER
$[.25
New Styles—New Colors
SERVICE STATIONERY
TOR ALL BRANCHES
OFFICIAL IRSIGIU
. ... «
. Trade At .■ -
KEELERS
■ Theatre -
m OIPEN EVENINGS " «
THE DAtCT COLLEGIAN
Mi s*: * *
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—Helen Keefauver.
Dancing Class
‘Drags’ On
By JANE McCHESNEY
The Penn State Club will hold
its dancing class in Prexy Hetzel's
living room from 7 to 9 p.m. Sat
urday, according to Sam Sideburns
Koval, publicity chairman.
The president decreed that this
worthwhile organization should
really carry on instruction in style.
Lessons in the shag, tango, two
step, lindy hop, waltz, wrestling,
boxing, swimming and ju-jitsu
will be given by' Carl Shot and
Marie Hate.
Food and coeds will be served
during intermission. Miss Char
lotte E. Ray has been asked to lead
the jitterbugging and music will
be supplied by the Sunny Aristo
cratic Owls with solos by Prot.
Fishburn who will hum.
Statistics show that one person
out' of 500 has learned to do the
box-step by merely stepping over
a box. After soliciting aid of the
coeds for the last mpnth, the club
has agreed to pay everyone who
will come this weekend.
Incidentally those who learn
how to dance can go to Junior-
Senior Ball April 9. Remember
there are always Curtiss-Wright
Cadettes.
$ Us, The Hour-less Men \
By EDITOR WOODPULP i.
Every once in a while we men
get pushed to the back page, usu
ally about once a semester. But
today being a certain day on the
first of a certain Month, honoring
a certain type of individual, we
have decided to let that class of
humans have their fling on the
first pages, while we are cramped
back here with the ads. All right,
so we don’t have ads.
This “We, the Men” is to bitch
about men’s'hours. We’re riot go
ing to fill this with the usual tripe
about “Get on the ball, girlies, and
do something,” but we’re just go
ing to bitch.
In the first place, the College
has placed no restrictions what
soever on our hours. We can crawl
into bed any hour of the night or
morning without suspicion. If we
get a-black mark it’s only because
we didn’t see the door in the dark.
We can sneak out without' sneak
ing when we feel like it and run
down to the diner. Their closing
hours are our only form of regula
tion.
But we’re going in the services
soon, so we want to be regulated.
The coeds won’t have much more
time to enjoy our presence, so we
want to be told to get in like they
are. It’Ll make them feel better
knowing that they have compan
ions penned in at the same time
they are. Besides, look how it will
improve our health, especially
since juniors and seniors are fa
tigued after taking their weekly
three hours of compulsory phys
ed.
Just think, we wouldn’t get loose
Dates with La Vie
Ya know this here yearbook
which Harry “come on, kids,
have your pitchurs took” Cole
man' puts out? Well, he wants
another batch of you to come
down to Ye Olde Photo Shoppe
today at all sorts of queer .times
when you have a million other
things to do.
Freshman Council .. 5:00 p.m.
PSCA Council 5:15
Mortar Board 5:15
Thespians 5:15
Masqiierettes 6:30 •
Blue, Key 6:45
Portfolio 7:00
Friars ...7:15
Druids 7:30
Skull and Bones .... 7:45
Inter class. Finance
Committee 8:00
Lions‘Club 8:15
Harry ought to remember us
with some committee appoint
ments for printing this.
THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 1943.
Campus
Calendar
TODAY
College Senate meets at the Cor
ner Room to discuss. final exams
and the Army Air Corps.
Grange meeting, 405 Old Main,
7 a.m. New members are invited
to bring refreshments.
Interfraternity Council meeting
at the Ratskellai’, 10 a.m.-12:30
p.m.
PSCA will hold a special meet
ing at 1 a.m. in the bell tower of
Old Main. Bring your date.
All-Coliege Dating Bureau will
hold a rat race for the Air Cadets,
5 .to 5:30 p.m., Old Main.
Hillel Round Table discussion,
4:15 p.m. Please bring square pegs.
TOMORROW
Outing Club will hold a Co-rec
overnight hike. Will leave White
Hall at 2 p.m. and proceed to the
golf course.
Jit DL Wocnej
CATHAUM—
“Air Force”
STATE—
“Hit Parade of 1943”
NITTANY—.
“Casablanca”
to be little devils when we 1 have
to move frorh fraternities, and the
town rulers wouldn’t have to tear
their hair out because we put
lights, meters and signs on the
blink.
Telephone operators would get
more sleep, since that business of
doing hofnework over the tele
phone all evening would have to
stop at 10 o’clock. The diners, too,
could justify their early closing.
But result of . all results, would
be a better moral behavidr. Men
students r would have to deliver
town girls . back to their-, homes
before ten, in order to get hoirie
in time themselves. And this would
probably eliminate many • of the
problems the deans have on their
hands concerning the coeds get
ting in trouble.
Oops, one thing is wrong with
that. Who’s going to regulate the
ensigns?
LETTERS TO EDITOR
Dear Sir:
This has got to stop!
I've taken a straw vote and
found that it -doesn’t happen to
anyone but me—and I’m about fed
up.
I’m referring, of course, to this
set-up whereby I get four Daily
Collegians delivered to my door
every morning. Impossible, you
say? Not a bit of it! It’s been go
ing on • all semester and I can’t
take it any more.
To begin with, I haven't even,
subscribed for one. The print's too
small and it takes too long to un
ravel the typographical errors.
Your columnists are too profound,
and your editorials too heartbreak
ing. ' ’•
If I got only one paper—l’d. feel
no compunction about throwing
it' away or giving it. to the kid
downstairs to' make ammunition
for his tin soldiers. But four copies
of the darn thing! In view; of'the
paper shortage I haven’t the nerve
to throw all of them out.
So I’m saving them. There are
roughly about 200 of them piled
up in my. bathtub now. Two hun
dred papers—that’s 800 pages of
newsprint—that’s 4,000. columns—i
that's-—oh, , well—it’s., just plain
murder, I say." ■ '
. Have a heart, bud. Either sober
up your delivery 'boys—or. quit
printing the fag.
And, in the meantime—-how
about sending out a boy scout, op
a freshman. candidate, to cart
away ,the collection in my bath
tub? I want to wash out some
stockings.
Yours,