Fake Tiv-Z
PENN STATE COLLEGIAN
Successor to The Free Lance. established 1887
Published semi-weekly during the College year. except on holidays.
by students of The Pennsylvenin Stnte College. In the Merest of the
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THE MANAGING BOARD
JOHNSON BRENNEMAN 'l7 ALAN L. SMITH '37
Editor Business Manager
E. TOWNSEND SWALM '47 KENNETII W. ENGEL '37
Managing Editor Advertising Mrinager
PHILIP S. HEISLER '37 PHILIP A. SCHWARTZ 37
News Editor Promotion Manager
W. ROBERT GRUBB '37 GEORGE W. BIRD '37
Sports Editor Circulation Manager ,
RICHARD LEWIS '37 IRWIN ROTH '37
Featum Editor Foreign Advertising Manager
MARO
NA.RI E N I C i I t E or R '37' JEAN C. HOOVER '37
Women's
Secretory
M. WINIFRED WILLIAMS '37 REGINA J. RYAN '37
Women's Managing Editor Women's News Editor
ASSOCIATE EDITORS
Woodrow W. Bierly '35 Fre nris H. Sasinesak '3B
Jerome Weinstein '3B Charles 31. Wheeler Ir. '35
ASSOCIATE BUSINESS MANAGERS
- -
Jar It Daniels '39 Cowl W. Diehl 'SS Robert E. Elliott ix, '3B
Kathryn M. Jonniror '39 Robert S. McKelvey '3.3 John G. Sabena '3B
WOMEN'S ASSOCIATE EDITORS
Shirley R. Ileums '3S Georgia H. Powers '33 Caroline Tyson '3B
Managing Editor This Issue
News Editor This issue --
Thursday, February 4, 1937
NOTES FROM AN IVORY TOWER
goDELIEVE ME this semester is going to be differ-
JD. ent. The old man is cutting my . allowance five
bucks a month on account of that course I flunked and
if I don't get a 'one' average he's gonna make me go to
work in his store or some damn thing."
FURTHER NVPA ROLL CUTS SEEN
IN FEDERAL ECONOMY EFFORT
"So Saturday after exams were over we finished
a fifth of Seagrams and then got in a fight. I got a
beaut over one eye and my suit ripped all to hell and
lost five bucks."
30 ARE INJURED AS VIOLENCE
FLARES IN RIOT AT G. M. PLANT
"Can -you imagine that guy only giving me a'zip
in econ! That's the dirtiest damn trick I ever heard of!"
CHILD LABOR AMENDMENT IS
DEFEATED BY CAROLINA HOUSE
any snap history or polits crirses? Some
thing without much work and the pror. doesn't take
POLAND ANNOUNCES PLANS TO ARM
FRONTIER AFTER HITLER'S SPEECH
"And when I got back Tuesday somebody had
swiped two blankets oft my bed. I almost froze until I
put a couple of overcoats over me."
THOUSAND'S LEFT HOMELESS
AS FLOOD WATERS RECEDV,
"Believe me I'm getting pretty well fed up with
this place.' Only one semester—thank God—and I'll he
out of here. And it can't conic too soon for me."
PEACE, SPAIN, AND NEUTRALITY
IN THE FINAL reckoning it may be found that
of the most disastrous results of the war in
Spain will be the split which it is causing in the
peace movement throughout the.,world. Here on the
campus may be heard, if anyone cares to listen, the re-
percussions of a conflict that is going on wherever there
are peace workers
There have been divisions before, but the present
one is likely to be irreparable for it involves a differ
ence in fundamental philosophies which have taken op
posite viewpoints in the Spanish conflict.
• The one group consists of those who feel that they
should refuse to take part in or aid any sort of war at
all. They, oppose giving any sort of aid to the Loyal
ist government, even that sort of aid which would go
only „to the civilian population. The. others, who term.
themselves "realists," are certain that to secure any
sort of permanent peace they must join with the forces
of democracy throughout the world in an alliance
against fascism.
Thus such men as Norman Thomas say: "It is un
realistic and mad to say that it does not matter who
wins in Spain if only the guns are stilled." So long as
there is fascisrn'there can be neither world security nor
world peace. Therefore this group feels it their duty to.
combat fascism and oppose with al their power its ex
tension. They advocate actively aiding the Spanish gov
ernment and protest against the new American neutral
ity legislation which prevents this.
But to this argument the pacifist asks the further
question: "Shall intelligent Americans seek to build a
league of non-fascist states with the objective of check
ing fascist aggression, if 'necessary by preventative ,
war?" What sort of a peace movement is it, they ask,
which places its faith upon the forces of war?
Thus each side is more adept at criticizing the op
position than in defending its own position. Both agree
on their objective, keeping America out of war. There
is sharp disagreement on the best method of doing this.
Again quoting, Thomas: "It is far more feasible for the
lovers of peace to try to keep America out of the pur
suit of war profits and hence out of war, and to see
that it uses its influence for pence."
Few would disagree with this, but it is doubtful
if it can be done under our present economic system.
We got into two European wars by insisting upon our
"rights" as neutrals. Our new legislation gives up
many of these "rights," but in the case of a general
war it is impossible that economic interests in the
United States will surrender without a struggle the
opportunity for enormous war profits that these "rights"
gave them and present legislation denies.
America's only hope for peace lies in the preven
tion of war—any war. There will be disagreement as
to the best method of doing this, but to suppose that a
continuation of political iso`ation is a possible remedy
means tragedy. We must cooperate with other nations
in preventing war; not rely upon our ability to keep
•out of one after it starts. If that means allowing aid
to be sent to Spain then that is what we must do.
To some, the first semester of '36-'37, just passed,
will always remain the period in whicb they were dat
ing a certain blonde; to others it will denote sixty
nine dollars and,fifty cents worth of education; and
to still others it will simply be the first semester.
However, to we public slaves who confine our pulse
feeling to the great public, it will be remembered for
some of its high and low points.
Most WortiVess Piece of Publicity:—Mr. Dantzsch
er;s scoop in the New York Times that there are 12
pairs of twins at Penn State.
Biggest Bubble To Burst:—Rumor of Harlow's
appointment.
Favorite Pastime:—Reeiting the lurid details of
triumphs over the opposite sex.
Most Disappointed Man On The Campus:—Silom
Horwitz, who after coming up to the office every
night before issue and telling us innumerable clever
and funny things that have been done around here—
by himself—only made the column once. '
Prof With The Biggest Decline In Publicity:—Bill
Werner.
Forgotten Man :—Hugo• Bezdek.
_croncis U. Srymozok '3B
__Jerome Weirsteln '3B
Most Terrific Deflation:—Sam Breene
Most interesting Question of the Semester:—Why
is all the athletic equipment to outfit the baseball
team bought from 'John Wannamaker's Men's Store
instead of directly from the company?
Best Art Exhibit:—Froth's surrealism hoax.
Most Popular Word in Students' Vocabulary:—
Most Often Quoted Profs:—Sam Wyand; Doc
College Custom That Caught Us :Most Unawares:—
That we may now call Proxy Hetzcl—"Proxy."
Most Ridiculous Picture In LaVic:—That of Lu
cretia V. T. Simmons in her Doctor's cap and gown
while the rest of the faculty are in their everyday
working clothes.
Most Original Excuse From Classes Used This
Semester:—"My wife has a baby and wants me to
come home to help name it."
Award For Knowing Most Students By Name:—
Amy, crm waiter.
dreatest Attempt At Mass Execution :—The Col
lege Health Service, with two doctors for 5400 stu
dents.
Record For Highest Pants Level:—.Terry Freuden-
Most Embarrassing .Monietitilten Art tett C ab:: - !'
cidentally walked through the door marked "Women"
in Engineering A.
Famous Lines: "If that dirty COLLEGIAN reporter
goes along, I won't play;" lola Murray; The Blue
Band when it marches.
Best Example of Mass Efficiency:—After going to
his advisor, scheduling officer, and through the scru
tiny of myriads of checker-uppers at registration,
George Sisson , discovers that he has registered and
scheduled three courses for the same hour.
Worst Case'of Hitting Below the Belt:—The lam
pooning the Maniac and I took from Miss Smirk who'
did the• parody column for the current issue of Froth
when she knows we could do much better if we used
her exploits as copy.
Adrian Markowitz will always brag about the past
semester as the time in which he showed the world
his amorous accomplishments with Irene Stark walk
ing down Broad street, Philly ... But to Bob Siegler
it will always remain the time when he danced with
Jean Harlow at the President's reception in Washing-1:
ton .. . Al Smith will remember it for the frequent
returns of Marybelle Gonnabee . •
CAMPUSEER
-CAMPY
TtLE PENN STATE COLLEGIAN
The. Record Cropt
Between semesters did you hear
Count Basin's band at William Penn
Hotel in Pittsburgh? I understand
that it's that old Benny Motem's out-',
fit and that B. Goodman is angling
for the crack. trombonist.
Out of the Wincliell vein—in tri
bute to their pianist, Mary Lou Wil
liams, ANDY KIRK did The Lady
Who - Sutinya the Band on Deena 1085.
Incidentally the vocal is done in the
style of Jack Teagarden; here is a
negro doing the style of a negro-im
itator so I don't`know who to compli
ment for the thing. Reverse is a lit
tle more dancable, "What Shall I Tell
My Heart—light and airy clouds.
The Helen Ward fans will miss the
great miss, 'but I think they'll like
Ella Fitzgerald. Try Swinging on the
Reservation, Deeca 1065. Reverse is
Blue Lon. Notice how effectively the
muted trumpet is used—not all like
(Snortin' Swing) McCoy.
Not for the educated hot fan is
Victor's reissue of Hoagy Carmich
ael's Geargia'and Racal.' Chair. Mr.
Nichols tell me fix Beiderbecke prac
tically got off his death bed to play
the number. Joe Venuti's there on
his violin but the rest of the boys
(Darseys, Goodman, Teagarden, E.
Lang, etc.) don't get off as they did
when Bix showed them the way. Try
Way Down Yonder in New Orleans
cn a. Vocelion reissue for the true
Beidetbeckean cometics.
Describing the moonbeam's dancing
on the waves is the QUARTETTE'S
soft rendition of illoonglow (Victor
25394.) These four top musicians have
turned out a dance number that
'equals much of the work of large out
fits. The vibraphone backing the 'clar
inet does the trick. Reverse is Dinah,
just what you'd expect the boys to
do to that tune. •
Benny Goodman gives the dancers
another treat in Smoke Dreams. This
is the last Helen Ward series. Helen,
autobiographically, Gee but _you're
Smell graces the other side of this
Victor 25456.
The usual comment on Art Shaw
records is, "Well, if he didn't . . the
TEXT:::,.B,,I:OKS
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Die Stamped • 65c, 75c
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Laundry 'Cases
$1.50 $2.75 --
Dictionaries
New 1936 Webster --
ATHLETIC' STORE, INC.
Dial 2158 Opposite Main Gate Open: Evenings
record would be swell." Some Ole
Line is one where he didn't. Reverse
Yon Cale Tell She's from. Dixie is
tolerable. (Brunswick 7787)
In Love and Learn Sammy Weiss
drums the SHAW band in a tune
from "Girl from Paris and with
310oujacc these two records make a
nice addition to the dance album
(Brunswick 787).
Mr. Ghost has been spirited away
to town quite a bit -lately. MILLS
BLUE RHYTHM band do this
haunting number on Columbia 3158.
Their trumpeter, Henry Allen, gives
some of his collasal stuff 'on the back,
Algiers Stomp.
If We Never Meet Again, Hudson
DeLange Brunswick 7795, Goodman
lab; the backside, Midnight at the
Onyx, is really 10:30 at the Palmer
House. .
The reward of one lollypop will be
given for the identification of the
trumpeter on Bluebird B6750B; Tex
as Teaser by FRANK TANNER.
Division of Dramatics
Issues New Magazine
In conjunction with the other ex
tension services, the division of dra
matics will take another step forwilrd
with the issuance of a new quarterly
publication, The Play Shop, which
will snake its initial appearance next
spring.
Aiming to cater especially to
schools, dramatic slobs; and other
amateur producing organizations, the
new periodical will contain articles
an coaching, news of high school pro
ductions, selected lists of plays, and
other items of pertinent interest to
producers.
Various other' services will be ren
dered to subscribers, including per
sonal advice by letter, substantial re
ductions in royalties on a large num
ber of plays, the privilege of enter
ing a play in the annual high school
tournament sponsored by the College,
and participation in future state
' wide exhibitions' which the division is
plannng.
NEW AND' USED
Traffic Courses
Open April 26
National Safety Groups Sponsor
Training in Safety Control
For State Police
Police officers throughout the state
hnve received notice of the first an
nual Pennsylvania traffic officers'
training school to be held here from
April 26 to May S.
The school will be conducted under
the auspices of the Institute of Local
Government. During the course a
group of traffic officers will receive
training in the fundamentals of traf
fic control.
The officers' training will be ar
ranged through the College extension
service in 'cooperation with the Na
tional Safety Council, Pennsylvania
Motor Federation, Governor's High
way Safety Council, and the Pennsyl
vania Chiefs of Police Association.
Lawrence B. Tipton, of the North
western Univeisity' Traffic Safety In
stitute, will serve as director of the
College's school. Outstanding traffic
engineers, police officers, educators,
and specialists in'the safety field have
been invited as instructors.
SERVICE
AND
QUALITY
.
PENN STATE
SHOE SHOP
123 W. Beaver
Drawing Materials
Dietzgen=Kedffel and Esser
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Typing Papers .
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250 Sheet 60c
(20 lbs. Sub)
February 4, 1937
Dr. Krauss Honored
Dr. Franklin B. Krauss, associate
professor of Latin, has been elected
president of the classical language
division of the Pennsylvania State
Education Association for 1937-38.