Yet there are some few who still remain in the swim. They are
not pulled along, and can neither swim nor wade, and yet they stay
in. We think sometimes their motives take the form of an agricul
tural implement which was used a great deal in former times
when the land was rough, but has since gone out of use in
agriculture, and is now used almost entirely in military work.
In fact, it has become such a desirable thing to have in after
life, that you can't get them second-hand. You have to have
them made to order and sand-papered to fit. Perhaps It may be
more clearly expressed in the metre of an old song:.
“The man that has the biggest one
For major is deemed fit;
They hang on him a golden sword
And make him think he’s “it.”
For an example of how one of these implements work, take
■“Charlie.” And his case reminds me of a story of the Italian. He
thought he would like to have a wife, so sent transportation over
for one highly recommended, but when he got sight of her .said:
“Me no marry her, me no like the looks.” * One of his fellow
countrymen volunteered, saying: “Me marry her, me no care for
looks.” So thus it went with “Charlie” when he hugged a girl of
Mexican extraction for a whole summer in order to be first ser
geant that fall.
But there is still another branch of the battalion, the artillery.
These are the men who have worn out their vitality and nearly all
their clothes in the service of the battalion. After consulting their
feelings, they felt as Grant did after the surrender, when he im
mortalized the saying: “Let us have peace.” It was during
this time of peace that these famous artillerymen got in the
habit of lying abed mornings and simply turning over at
the sound of the bugle. It was to this fact that we attribute
the remarkable recovery of “Fats,” who, for the .first time
in his life, was in perfect physical condition. He acted on
the spur of the moment, moved around among the officials" like
Swamp Pond in his Lab, obtained without faculty action his divi-