4 4
The Wife" Under Feminine Glasses.
Unfortunately, though, no guarantee goes with the Wife
that she will remain the same piece of goods the man has
picked out, and it not infrequently happens that the one who
was selected because of her figure develops into a feather bed,
or an animated skeleton, while another, who was chosen be
cause she was kind and gentle, becomes so cross and snappish
that she is dangeroustto be about.
Men also often discover that after they have picked out one
kind of Wife that they prefer another type, but, as in all en
lightened countries a matrimonial clearing house called a
Divorce' Court is maintained, this is a mere temporary incon
venience.
As has been stated, the Wife is a domestic animal, but she
is by nature a foxy creature, who plays shy and wild, and the
catching and taming of her is one of the choicest sports of
mankind. In reality she belongs to the species of man-hunt
ing animals. If man would leave her alone she would track
him down, and nothing in natural history is a more interesting
study than the cunning and art with which this apparently in
nocent little animal turns the pursuer. From her infancy she
has been trained for the game, and she leads man a merry
chase to the altar, where she allows herself to be captured.
In her habits the Wife is one of the most interesting of
animals, and exhibits an amount of contradictions that keeps
a man guessing as long as he lives. She is gregarious, and
goes in,flocks to hen clubs, where she amuses herself by drink
ing weak tea and listening to long winded papers out of an en
cyclopd.ia on a subject which she knows nothing, and con
cerning which she cares less. She also enjoys seeing plays
that make her weep and harrow up her soul.
She spends most of her time getting new clothes, and is
never so happy as when she thinks she has a garment that will
make the balance of the bunch miserable. Still more remark
able is the circumstance that she does not seem amenable to
kindness, for she frequently deserts the good, kind master who
worked his fingers to the bone to support her, while she will
almost invarably follow the tyrant who beats her to the ends of