The peculiarities of the Wife are equally worthy of consid
eration, and distinguish her from all other animals. Her sense
of smell is abnormally developed, as evinced by the certainty
`with which she can detect the slightest alcoholic odor on man's
breath, no matter 'how many pints of cloves he may chew in
the vain effort to disguise it.
Her hearing is equally acute, and generally gets into work-
ing order just as a man is dozing off into his first sleep, when
she is sure to rouse him up to see if burglars are not getting in
the cellar window. Her ability to go without sleep is also
phenomenal. On lodge nights many wives never close an
eye, but wait up with their powers of language undiminished
to welcome their husbands home at 3 a. m.
Still another curious characteristic of Wives is that, although
they are generally too delicate to do their own housework, they
are able to lead a rush on a bargain counter that would cause
a football player to tremble, and that, although a little work
brings on nervous prostration, no amount of fatigue hurts them
if it is something that is fashionable to do.
The old adage, "You can not teach an old dog new tricks,"
applies with peculiar force to Wives, for notwithstanding the
fact that they are clever and intelligent creatures, they can
rarely be changed from what they were originally.
Many a man marries a soft-looking little Wife, thinking he
will clip her to suit his tastes, or teach her the tricks he
admires, but he generally finds it is less trouble to humor his
pet and do her way than try to make her do his.
In spite of all this, however, a Wife is an almost necessary
creature around a house, if you want to give it a homelike
look. She is useful to attend to a man's social and religious
duties. She is frequently valuable as an ornament, and she is
simply invaluable as a scapegoat if a man expects to need an
excuse for failing in business or being driven to drink.
The supply of this valuable domestic animal, which has been
called by an enthusiastic naturalist " man's best friend," is so
great in many parts of 'this country that they have no market
value, and, in New England especially, wives may be had for