The class of ’9O of Elmira College, who
have decided opinions on all subjects, give to
the world the following advice in the form of
“What the Members of the Class of ’9O
Would Do if They Were Men.”
If I were a man, I would be a man and not
a dude. I should try to be “neat, but not
gaudy." I should not wear too great a variety
of neckties in one day; for my young lady
friends would not care a bit more for me if I
did. If I were a man, I would not waste my
money on cigars or cigarettes. If I smoked
at all, I should smoke a pipe. Then I should
marry a wife who wouldn’t let me smoke in
the house, and then as I should not care to
smoke on the street, there would not be much
chance for smoking at all. The money I
saved on these luxuries I should give to my
wife, all but seventy-five cents, and with that I
should subscribe for the Sibyl, If I were a
man, I should take an interest in the institu
tions of learning in my own city. If I were
an Elmira man, I should take a special in
terest in the Elmira College.— Happy Days,
If I were a young man, I should so live
that my young lady friends, in excess of
gratitude, would pension for life “The man
who— mirabile dicta —was not conceited.”—
Vox.
If I were a man, I should devote all my
energies to finding the South Pole. I 'should
above all things in this expedition, take along
enough provisions to last. Perhaps a good
supply of college beefsteak would keep my
men chewing longer than anything else, if
they objected to— Taffy-tu-lu.
If I were a man, I would always be kind
and considerate towards women. If I were
sitting in a street car and all the seats were
taken, and a woman came in, I would rise
and give her my seat, even if she were old
and ugly and did not acknowledge my court
esy, for I would try always to be a gentleman,
without reference to the manners of other
people. If I were a young man I should re
member that young ladies are very found
of flowers and confectionery and therefore,
would often gratify these tastes. — Wamni.
If I were a man, I should write an astron
omy comprehensible to finite minds.— She.
THE FREE LANCE.
If I were a man, 1 should be one of the
“Giants,” of New York. I should also be a
pugilist and always take the weaker side.—
Athlete.
If I were a man, I would strive to make my
name famous, either by writing an astonomy,
or by being the captain of a base ball nine.
Yulain.
If I were a man, I would become either
Postmaster-General or President of the Uni
ted States, and make good use of my spare
moments by inventing a “ musical telephone ”
before the twentieth century, and of my spare
dollars by endowing .poor colleges.— Wise.
(Sibyl.)
From the Pennsylvanian we learn that the
Athletic Association of the University of
Pennsylvania has directed the managers of
the base ball and foot-ball associations to ar
range no dates hereafter with Lafayette.
The Pennsylvanian claims this state of affairs
has been brought about by Lafayette, “ who
has so far lost her sense of honor as to con
tinually act toward us in such bad faith,”
The Haverfordian for November is well
worthy of comment. The editorials, the
literary, and especially the “ Corridor Gossip,”
are well written, and each department has its
own peculiar tone. It is quite a pleasure
indeed to have such a fine readable paper on
our table.
A professor, who has been for a half hour
trying to explain a formula on the board,
turns with his finger to his nose—which is a
prominent feature—and says, severely ; “Is
this apparent to all ?” (Freshmen grin.) “ I
am aware, gentlemen, it is long.” (Freshmen
grin audibly.) “ But I hope you see the point.”
(Slight pedal applause.) “It is called ‘ pons
asinoram,' of which I hope you see the appli
cation.” (Loud and continued applause.)—
Ex.
While looking over a chapel hymn book
the other day we discovered the following,
which we at first credited to a Senior: “ The
lasting interval between spiritual re-invigora
tion is prenaturally extended.” But as we
read further, “In other words, it is a d—n
long time between drinks.”