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( )RAT I( ) FUNEN I MIS
BY DEACON IS I INCELLUS
The following oratio funeribus WaS delivered
at the " Crematio A Prepis," by " Deaconis
Runcellus, in quinto Die ante Kalendas Julias."
'Wends and law-students-1n the lan
guage of the immortal Antony—just revised—
" we came to cremate the immortal Casar not
to praise him." It is said " The evil that men
do lives after them " and that " The good is
oft interred with their bones." Not so with our
departed friend, for with him dies every evil
of his life, while to us, after the smoke and fire
of purification has died away, is left the gentle
but irresistible influence of all that was good
in his life, to guide and direct his many fol
lowers. It will be the much that is left unsaid,
rather than that which will be said, that will
paint the true character of the departed. Of
his many good traits and amiable disposition
we his bereaved followers will testify; concern
ing his evil propensities we can only refer
you to the Professors.
Fellow classmen, 'tis not entirely as a de
ceased friend, or as for an umbrella we have lea,
that we mourn the loss of the being before us,
but more as a friend taking a long journey, for
Phoenix-like in another year he will rise from
the ashes, and if we again have not the right to
cremate him, we at least have the privilege of
making it so hot for him that cremation will
seem mild in comparison. In religion some
might say he was a fit subject for a missionary,
but be that as it may, this we know: If he wasn't
a Baptist, he ought to have been, for his belief
in immersion was carried almost to fanaticism.
Of course be attended other religious exercises,
but he did not believe that was his fault—rather
his misfortune. In politics he had Mugwump
inclinations, with original ideas how to dispose
of the surplus. In sports he was a leader and
if lie was not always ahead it was only because
he "was not feeling quite well that day." He
THE FREE LANCE.
did not often attend the races, but when he did
he always bet on the Pony.
1-Ic was a hard worker and a good soldier,
and his knowledge of the construction of earth
works and especially rifle pits would be a credit
to any civil engineer.
But alas! with all his good qualities and phe
nomenal ability, low at our feet he now lies, teach
ing us the truth of the old saying that "The
good die young." And 0, my brethren, as you
contemplate his lean lanky features try to real
ize that you too run the risk of proving the old
Who of us that fully realize the awful solem
nity of this occasion can think of the abrupt
ending of the life of this ornament to society
without a shudder or a glass of cider. Yester
day he moved among us surrounded with a
halo of greatness and cigarette smoke—to-day
he lies before us with scarce a shadow of ac
quired greatness, or a clean shirt to his back.
Yesterday hale, hearty, and in the freshness of
youth, drinking in the pure ozone of life, or
Snider's soda water—to-day a mere nothing for
the want of breath.
Verily, my brethren, this is a strange world.
A man may get up in the morning full of life
and vigor, and in the evening be carried to bed
full of hard cider or bad whiskey. Truly, it is
time we "call a halt" to such a state of affairs
and "dress to the right."
Now, since we have lost the friend who so
often guided us through the labyrinths of doubt
and despair, or to the roost of some unsuspect
ing chicken, we will have to reef our main-top
sail until we reach the smooth waters of a
college course, where we will start in a" fresh."
It is unnecessary for me to further eulogize this
fallen hero, for of the many virtues which he pos
sessed, we his mourners stand as living witnes
ses, and, although we are not quite sure to what
division our defunct friend will be assigned,
yet let us hope his conditions will be more
favorable than when here upon earth,