LANCELETS,
Lorraine Boulogne(s) to France which she
hates Toulouse,
“Waiter, here’s a button in the
Customer :
soup. ’ ’
Waiter: “Button, sah, yes, sah; I guess
dat's all right, sah.”
Customer: “It’s all right, of course.; but
I thought perhaps a button-hole wen); with it.”
“Prisoner,” said a Nevada judge, “what
have you to say to this indictment; are you guilty
or not guilty ?”
“Before I answer the question, judge, I’d
like to ask your Honor if this little spectacled
dude is all the lawyer I’ve got ?”.
“That is Mr. Ferguson, sir,” responded the
judge, sternly ; “I have appointed him to defend
you, as you seem to have no counsel.”
“Judge,” said the prisoner, sighing heavily,
“I’m guilty."
“Remember that in the morning of life comes
the hard working days.. Hard work never killed
a man It’s fun. relaxation, recreative holidays
that kill. The fun, that results in a head the next
morning so big that a tub could hardly cover it
is what kills. Hard work never does.”
“One kiss,” says a cautious suitor, “is worth
a dozen love letters, and it cannot be introduced
in a breach'of promise suit.”
The following notice is to be seen at the en
trance of a French country cemetery: .“Here
are interred the dead living in this parish."
A New Definition. —Politeness consists in the
art of kneeling down before people without dir
tying onesel f.— Gcdankenspahne.
The number of women who really care to
vote is about equal to the number of men who
like to put the baby to sleep.— Puck.
Rector (with tremendous force): “Do you
ask me to believe that even after this shameful
treatment, Jacob was put out ?”
Sport-loving deacon (waking up suddenly) :
“Yes, he was, an’ Kelly never’d reached second
if”—(and the organ played softly.)—; Judge.
THE FREE LANCE.
The scholar without good breeding is a ped
ant; the philosopher, a cynic; the soldier, a
brute; and every man disagreeable.
Flies and youth both like Masses, and yet
however “fly” a youth may be, he cannot be a fly.
“I have the subject at my finger’s end,”
says the student, as he begins to spur up his
“pony,”
“Japonicadom” is the last name given to
New York high society.
“Sunday is the golden clasp which binds to
gether the volume of the week.” It is also a
good time, and usually accepted as such, for a
man to pull off his boots and try all the corn and
bunion remedies accumulated during the six pre
ceding days,— Hartford Journal.
Maude —“At Miss Dolittle’s luncheon to-day
the girls were all talking about your marriage,
Mamie. They said your husband was old and
decrepit, and that J you married him for his
money.” Mamie—“ And what did you say,
Maude?” Maude —“I said you did not do any
such thing.” Mamie—“ H-have you seen my
husband, Maude?” Maude—“ No.” Mamie—
“l thought not.” —Boston Budget.
We are pleased to acknowledge the receipt
of The Cadet , of Maine State College. In all
its departments it is devoted to the treatment of
college matters, which are handled sensibly and
thoughtfully.
Aim well 1
No time is lost by cure,
llasto falls, llowavu I BGwara 1
A truo aim wins, tlion (luro
Make cueli aim tell.
Aim high I
No shaft is o’or misspent
Which, alined with true Intont,
Strikes near the mark. Well-meant
J s victory I
As on life’s paths we walk
His fortune is but ill
Who has not mind to talk,
Nor judgment to keep still
EXCHANGE,
The Bcrklcyan of the University of Califor-
« Walter A, Lccsc.
-The Judge.