u u
"" ' 1 ' i:;'::"";.-": 1 " ' B'S j' ' r ' '
j. T. XIITTCniXSOXa EDITORS.
I WOULD RATHER BE EIGHT THA2I PREBIDEWT-Hsbt Cvax,
i r-
n
i
VOLUME 9.
TTflLLIAM KITTELT Attorney at
Y - - Law Ebensburg, Pa.. j
August 13, 1863.- J -- .
J03N ..FENLOXj Attorney at Law,
;. .Ebensburg, Pa.
fgy Office on High street."' augl3
GEORGE M. READE, Attorney at
; Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
-zT Offi.ce in Colonnade Row. angl3
ILUIM-Ho SEQHLE1V Attor
ney, at Law,. Ebensburg, Pa. "
gsf Officein Colonsad Row.- aug20
EORGE r.'QATMAN, -Attorney at
Law and Claim Agent, ; and United
States Commissioner for Cambria county, Eb
ensburg, Pa., - - - - ' - - ang!3
JOHNSTON & SCASXA2f, Attorneys
t Law; Ebensburg, Pa.
pgy Office opposita th Court lipase.
,.uiotos. augl3 . . J. e. acAaLAa.
SAMUEL SINGLETON, Attorney at
Law, Ebensburg, Pa.- - -
Xg-Office oa High' street," west of Pos
ter's Horel. ; .- : - r ' aagI3
JAMES a EASLY, Attorney at Law,
CarroHtown, Cambria county, Pa. .
Architectural. Drawings-and Specifi
cations made. - " faug3
J. WATERS, Justice of the Peace
JLi and Scrivener.
Office adjoining dwelling, onlligh at,,
Ebensburg, Pa. . ... aufr 13-6m.
A. SHOEMAKER, Attorney at
P Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
Purtlcalar attention paid to collections.
, uSce on Mich street. west of the Di
amond. . - . "ugl3
XOPSLIX, T- w- DICK
Johnttotcn. " - Ebentburg.
OPKLIN i DICK, Attorneys at
Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
Offica in Coloaade. Row, with ai.
Kittell, Esq.
Oct. 23
JOSEPH S. STRAYER, Justice cf
the Peace, Johnstown, Pa.
Office oa Market street, corner of Lo
cust street extended, and one door south of
ue U:e office of WmTiTKee.
jaugrt
RDEVEBEAUX, M. D., Physician
and Surgeon, Summit, Pa.,
ji-Office east of .i!ans;on House, on Rail
road street. Night calls promptly attended
to. at his office. ' faugl3
II. DE WITT ZEIGLER
Offers bi professional services to the
of Ebensburg and vicinity. He will
t .'.. Ebeaaburg: the second Tuesday of each
wjnrh. to remain" one week.
relit extracted, mithaut pain, with Jtitrou
CzJt or Laughing Cra. .
Rooms adjoining G. Huntley's storfe,
l.fh street. ugl3
DENTISTRY.
. The undersigned, Graduate of the Bal
limore College of Dental Surgery, respectfully
oilers his professional services to tne citizens
of Ebensburg. He has spared no means to
thoroughly acquaint himself with every im-
pr3?ment in his art. To many years ot per
ianal experience, he has sought to add the
imparted experience of the highest authorities
in Dental Science. He simply asks that an
importunity may- be given for 'his work to
peak its own praise.
SAMUEL BELFORD, D. D. S.
t-Will beat Ebensburg on the fourth
Monday of each month, to stay one wjek.
Aujast 13, 1863.
LLOYD & CO., Bankers
EBE5IBUKS, Pa.
Gold, Silver, Government Loans and
ether Securities bought and sold. Interest
aowed on Time Deposits. Collections made
oi all accessible points in the United States,
Ma a General Banking Business transacted.
August 13, IS68.
w,
M. LLOYD & Co., Banker
Aitoosa, Pa.
Draft 3
the principal cities, and Silver
-4 Gold for sale. Collections made. Mon
Jrwved on deposit, payable on demand,
'kUux interest, or upon time, with interest
t fair rues. f acgl3
THE FIUST NATIONAL BANK
n , Or Johxstowx, Pkxtta.
nm ut Capital $ 60,000 00
Pntiifge to inmate to 100,000 00
buy and sell Inland and Foreign Drafts,
oId and Silver, and all classes of Govern
?3t Securities ; make collections at home
"si abroad ; receive deposits ; loan money,
do a general Banking business. - A!l
ness entrusted to g will receive prompt
W-eniion and care, at moderate prices. Give
lis a trial. . . -
n Director .-
J- JlORBKLt, . ' - I JOHH DlBETtT,'
h-KAc KAVKaas, Jacob Lkvexgood,
Jacob M. CAMpaatt," IJameh McHilx.zx.
JI!GE Fritz. - j - -
DANIEL J. M0RRELL, Prttident.
. J. Robeuts, Cathier. , . . sep3ly
n. llovd, Pret't. Jona i-lotd, -CatKier.
. plRST NATIONAL BANK
- OF ALTOONA.
0 VERyjIEXT A GEXCTV ,
-SGXATED DErOSTTORTT.OF THE .131
TED STATES v J
Corner Virginia and Annie Bt3.,Jforth
,r:: Ahoona, Pa.' ' "
..n:2ED Capital...".....'. $300,000 00
Capital Paid is.. 150,000 00
i"'aei Prtiing to Eaaiing done on
sralle terms.; . . r.
Vtr.Ui,,,vnae Stanipi of all denomina
"C;s a:ay3 on hand. ' - ' " -
Purchasers or Stamp?, percentace, in
t ps. win be unowed, as follows $50 to
!jo V j:w,-io 3 per tent.;
raogl3
IUI:l SINGLETON, Notarj Pub-
lie, Eb'ensbiwgy Pal"-
'c cn Ii:ga
et"et,- wei4f rater's Ho- I
' - t3
c r-6b Work
of all kinds done at this
The Old CliurcU on the
On the' height of a lonely hill : -Its
rusty ol4 form, it nprears, . ;
Standing in solitude where it has stood ' "
Through the storms of a hundred years.'
It meets the first rays of the morn,
While the Talleys still sleep in the shade,
The glory of sunset plays round its walls,
And it shines as with sapphires inlaid.
'I la the dark and stormy nights,
"When the tempests sweep over the hill,
It creaks in. the blast, and wild, wild Eongs
Its desolate corridors filL
' The traveler sees it afar, --
' On his rough and winding way ) '
The husbandman ees itg restfng'irom.toil, -
In the heat of a summer day. , '
" Around it Ihemultltude sleep, ,
"Who of old sought its' altara in prayer
A great congregation; they rest from their toils,
Unmoved by earth's tumult and care.
O, many the thoughts of the heart,
As we stand by the temple of God,
And think of the worshipers, vanished and
gone, ' -
TYho up to its court3 have trod! J
They came in the joy of their Eoula,
Or they came withj their burdens to bear,
In the sunlight of youth, in the evening of
.-, age, "!
- In hope, or in grief and despair.
Then peace to the church on the hill!
Where its rusty old form it uprears ;
Let it stand in its loneliness, where it-has
.- . . stood i "'.'- ' ! '
Through the' storms of a hundred "years.'
THE SURGEON'S STORY.
."Will you buy my body, sir V
. I, Charles Markham, a young physi
cian, was sitting alone in a dusky little
room that the sign without dignified with
the title of 4cfiice" when these words fell
upon my ears. .1 had just returned from
visiting the few patients I could boast of,
thoroughly heart-sick at the want of hu
manity in the world, wet to the skin, and
more than half frozen.
., I cannot remember a worse night, in all
respects. It was cold as the -Arctic re-,
gions, and the eleet that rattled upon'the
windows soon covered them with a coating
of ice. It had stormed heavily all the
day; the stores were closed, and the side
walk venders had gone under shelter.
' God help any one that is forced to be
abroad to-night !" had been my thought as
1 hurried along after finishing my profes
sional duties and while breasting my way
homeward.
I had scarcely reached home, changed
my saturated garments, coaxed the spark
ling anthracite into a cheerful glow, and
begun' building castles In Spain of the
time when I should have a lucrative prac
tice, ride in a carriage, and own a brown
stone front, when the strange and heart
chilling words fell upon my ears, causing
all my pleasant fancies to drift away in an
instant :
'Will yon buy my body, sir?'7
I sprang from my easy chair, dropping
my well-colored meerschaum in my aston-
ishment, and turned to see who it was
that, like Poe's raven, had uttered the ter
rible words
"Will.you buy my body, sir ?"
The question was repeated for the sec
ond time before I had sufficiently recov
ered.myself before I was convinced that
it was no ill-omened bird,' butane of hu
man semblance at least. Yet the request
was so utterly unusual, so much at vari
ance with all preconceived notions of bar
ter and sale, that all I could . do was to
push a chair towards the intruder, and
stand in silent wonderment.
In a few moments, the self-command I
had learned during hospital practice came
to mv aid, and I saw that my visitor was
a w.oman a girl, rather, for she could not
have been more than nineteen or twenty at
the utmost ; and if it had not been for the
extreme pallor of the face, the pinched-up
look about tne mouth, and the sad, sunk
en eyes, she would have possessed far more
than ordinary beauty.
The flickering light of the fire flashed
upon the soft brown hair, giving it a" gol
den glory, and dissolving the snow-flakes
that had lodged there, 'making them glit
ter like liquid pearls. " This much, and
that her . dress and shawl were of the
cheapest material, and but a poor defence
against the howling storm and pitiless
cold, and the strange request,' darted with
lightning rapidity through my brain.
'Draw nearer to the fire." I said. "You
are benumbed. : Warm yourself, and
UL have no time must . not stay" she
answered with a sisrh, though she dropped
I heavily into a' chair and brushed away the
snow-drops from ner lace with her thin ;
hands. . .v -. - ' -" . " - !- -j
Without waiting for further remon- j
strance,'-1 hastened to get some reviving
medicine of tyhich she stood so much in
need,- and with gentle force held it to her
lips. .;- ..-..' . - :
ul - carmot, cannot," she gasped, half
pushing it away."" . -" - - r
"a outmost, . x insisteu. iienaemoer j.
aui a phyi
tion tha
gician that this is my prescrip-
at your life may depend uponH."
'Life L : O God ! How long and sad !
Win itr'glve me strength ?"
EBENSBTJRG, PA., THUTlSDAiY; IktAJIGH 18, 1869.
1 "That certainly is the'object I have in
urging you to take It. - What else "should
itberr. . . : ; - .' -;: '
fVGive ittome?'; t ; i-.
4 And she swallowed it without" aL nittr-.
mur, save one of thankfulness.". i , I
. I wheeled, her' chair up nearer to the"
fire, and stirred the-coal to a. more .bril-,
liant glow, hoping that the potion would
quiet her excitement,', wake the chilled
blood -to a warmer" and swifter glow, and
that sleep would follow. i : j:
" For " a ' moment I "fancied that .T was
right. The little hands dropped ' nerve
lessly into, her lap j the soflly veiled lids
drooped over the deep blue eyes"; the head
fell forward upon'the breast. ".But alas I
it. was . only a momentary delusion." In
another instant she sprang to'-her leefcf
againj pressed her hands "upon her tem
ples, ' as if to "still their throbbing, and
looted wildly arouncL ' ' .
10 God I' she exclaimed, .here amid
warmth and comfort, and " , -;
. Convulsive sobs ;chokeI any iurtlier ut
terancel - , -'. , 'l ' , :y-
'tSit down and tell me the .reason of
your coming here," I almost Commanded,
as I placed her in my'chair. ,S ? ;
. 'Ah ! I remember' all now ! Remem
ber ! Is there ho such' thing as. forgetful
ness ? , Yes, I remember alL .1 came here
to to ".' rfVV '
"Be calm ! I understand that you are
in need and came for assistance." - . !
"I came,"' she replied, looking upon me
with such utter despair that it made-my
blood run cold, "I came, doctor, to - sell
you my body. ., i .. ... ;
Was I talking' to" a sane woman, or a
maniac T The .latter was ; certainly my
thousht, but I could detect nothing in her
clear blue eyes ottne wanaerings ot insan
lty. . "belLmy body I - c he spoke ot it as
an every-aay transaction. . ' :
'Great . heaven V' .1 exclaimed, laying
my fingers upon her pulse, with the expec
tation of finding it bounding with race
horse rapidity, but on the contrary finding
it far more calm than my own j .''you can-r
not be in earnest'? , i -
"I am in earnest God alone - knows
how much in earnest. It is my last xer
sort. Will you buy, it ? Will you give
me some money for it 2"
And she reached out her hand towards
me as a miser rwould have done upon hear
ing the sound of jingling gold.- -
"How can I purchase it J You are yet
alive," I said. .;
"But I will soon die, and then you can
claim it. For the love of heaven, give lie
a little, just a little, money."
And the hitherto dry eyes were flooded
with. tears. ...
"Why do you wish to fell it ? You
cannot but understand that it is an. un
heard of proceeding.' Our profession do
not purchase bodies before death,' no mat
ter what we may do after.
"I know It I know itj but I "must
have money, and there is no other means
left me to get it. I must have it now."
She would have arisen again, but I res-,
olutely held her down. ' "
. "For what purpose do you want mon
ey ."' 1 asked. . .
' "To purchase food, fire, medicine." -"For
yourself ?"
"Ah! no. Had" that been the case. I
never could have come hither. I would
have lain down in the gutter and died,
God knows how willingly. But tell me,"
she continued, almost fiercely, "will you
give me some money ? I must have it."
"If not for yourself, then in the name
of heaven for whom would you make such
an awful sacrifice ? Is it one that is near
and dear to vou ?"
, -
"It is myiittle sister." ' ' ' I I
; The words dropped from, her tongue' as
they might have dropped from an angel's,
and her face wore as holy a light as if she
had been star-crowned. : .
"Then she is sick V
"Dying! dying! and I sitting idly
here !"
"Why did ycu not tell me of thia be
fore "Because I had begged so long, in vain.
I had no money to pay a doctor, and who
would go forth on a charitable errand such
a nieht as this V
; My blood boiled so that I could not an
swer. : Could there be such men ? Alas !
reason told me in a moment that her words
were too true, and I almost cursed my
race. Without delay, T gathered - such
things as I thought might be of service,
wrapped the delicate form in a heavy
doak,'and with a few words of. comfort,
we sailed out together into the black night
and merciless storm and cold. '
Fortunately" the distance we had to
travel was a short one: A few blocks
were passed, and she led me up several
flights of ' dismal, . creaking stairs into a
room. .' '
"Florence, is that you ?" I heard asked
by .what my ear convinced me was a pair
of childish," infantile lips. : " - '":"
"Yes, my darling ; lie still for a mo
ment." - , s
. "I am so glad. "You have been so iong,
-so very; 'very long away, and I am so sick,
and cold; and hungry, nd it was so dark,
and 1 have been so frightened at - the
strange noises.
- "Excuse me, sir.? she said,, as she turn
ed and lighted the remnant of ' a candle j
"excuse me, but I have beea eo long away
from Bessie." 5. ' " -j" ' . -I
answered not. Hr voice had a rnelo-
dy m itj now .attuned byllovethat I wish
ed , to- linger-upon my ears unbroken like
the: strains of some, songs I have' heard,
and which haunted jne for years,. j i
t In a rn.ome.nt, tha candle shed. 3 sickly
light around the-little room, . Little, in
deed, & and unfinished . to nothingness I
One scantily covered bed was all. But with
in I saw a sweet, wee face that made me
forget all else. I approached it, And laid
my?hand upon the pulse jof the; little suf
ferer..: r 1 (. izz.-2 f:J.; , .j.. ; , - ,
v. 'Who '.are you "' she , asked,: drawing
back in alarm - .
- f :He -. is a doctor, - Bessie ; : a dear, good,
kind friend," replied her sister ; and from
that, moment she -became; perfectly passive
ni. my-hands; . ; . i.'t-j- .r c
' t3H require one uchLjegfrjiedifir
materia modica to see what was required.
I made the proper prescription,' saw that
it was tenderly nunistered,'told the elder
sister ,that I , would ! be . back, in a few mo-:
ments,; and resisting all her . attempts to
light me down the stairs,, groped myway
into the stree.t.,.1 hacLjobticed an eating
house at Jut a little distance as we. came
along, and;a statement of the case, backed
bythe-allrpowerful king of the world, gold,
soon, procured the loan o a disused stove,
a couple of chairs, fuel.: light, and proper
foed; and ina hnef half hour .that Jtttle
room: wore something .like, an air. of .coai-
fort.;-j Another hour, and. the: eyes of the
child were closed in. slumber, and L urged"
her siater to seek repose, but in. vain, j:
, ? At -least; lie - down . and , let me -cover
you with mycloak," X urged. t
; iVNo, doctor," was the constant reply,
"I cannot. : I am. so happy. - It muat have
been God that; directed my wandering
steps to you." , - . L
.-And 80.we sat,, with -the night wind
roaring without; . watching the almost an
gelic f jta.ee of the peacefully slumbering
child sat and talked of, what I was most
anxious to hear. But the conversation of
those -long hours can be condensed into a
very brief space. .; . :-
She -who would have sold her body for
the sake of giving a little longer of life to
her f sister was, the . daughter of. wealthy
parents. Bat a few years .previously, she
could -have held her. head as high as the
highest. . Both birth 'and education fitted
her -for.iti But misfortune came a se
ries of disasters upon land and sea, against
which no human forethought could have
guarded, combined with treachery and in
gratitude of the deepest die, swept away
all. In their footsteps followed the death
CiTlief mother, hisving an infanfr-cf but a
tVw months old.. The fond, father strujr-
cled manfuliv asainst the tide for a brief
i i
time, then his health gave way, and he
followed his wife through the dark valley
and beyond the shining ritr,-leaving the
cider sister toprovide.for"the younger.
I -"For a time," continued the girl, I was
able to live comfortably by the sale of the
furniture and articles of value I possessed.
Then but why should I so unbosom my
self ta a stranger V she asked, stopping
suddenly and looking me full in the face.
"Because," I replied, , with a smile at
her earnestness, 'because you have found
a
true heart, and one that, can leel tor
you. -.
"Yes,
may kind heaven be thanked I"
she replied, "I feci that it js so. Well, I
struggled on fought on were the better
word," she continued, the lines about her
mobile; mouth . sudden ly becoming hard.
"I fought for life, sometimes teaching,
sometimes obtaining
little sewing, in
short, doing anything that my
Etreuirth
permitted, . until sickness came. Still,
o-ave net awar to despair. Truly, I
was
bound to the stake- a sweet one my dar
ling 6ister. Of - the insults I received
while
seeking
wort,
I shall
not
5 peak.
Thev must remain forever locked in my
breast," and the pallid face flushed scar
let at the thought.
."And found no-employment?"
"None 2 -Piece by piece I parted with
the little furniture I was the possessor of
until what you see was all that remained."
"My poor child '" . '
"It is true" I. saw that she was nerv
ing herself to tell me something that was
painful, very painful, and would have stop
ped her, but shejesolutely continued, "It
is true, some money was offered me by
more than one man, but rX instantly and
indignantly hurled it back, in my insulter'
fW. Then, rrreat Heaven I upon - this
bitter night, with all hope gone, I determ
ined to sell my body to seme surgeon."
"What in the name of Heaven could
have put such an idea into your head.?"..
.."I do not know,- I cannot ,telh Some
where, I had either heard or read of some
thing of the kind." ; - ' -.
-.. "You must hare been very desperate V
"On the verge of destruction ' I had
but one dream, one desire, to save my
darling even a single hour of pain." ; -
"Have you no relatives V - " ;
"Not a single one that I know of. Both
of. my parents , jwera only children, .and
their parents came from foreign lands."
She paused and turned to smooth the hair
of the -srambering' Bessie,' and imprint a
Vjqs .upon the curl-wreathed and snowy
brow ; and I thought what desperate trials
one like her must have passed through in
order to hring her mind to look calmly
upon giving herself , tQjhe knife and the
ribald jesta-of. the dissecting room ! . And
I thought too, of .the. sterling' truth of her
young heart that could resist the allure
ments of gold when so hedged by want and
pain in. "their , most terrible shapes. , I
thought, too--but she interrupted me with:
L- "My kind indeed, I miht sav mv onlv
friend whom God raised up to me in the L
flour wxien an was darkness and .miaery,
and black death and a pauper's grave were
staring me in the face My kind friend
but-I am have been keeping you frcm
rest." . .'. . i i . - 1. a. v. . ; : ; .
"Me I A physician's, life is one- that is j
constantly broken in upon and will you
pardon, me ?. I have never had my heart
so deeply touched,' or my feelings so much
interested in all mi life . .
A faint rose blush crept up'-from - the
exquisitely : moulded throat and mantled
the soft cheeks. . Bhe took my hand and
pressed ft to her lips,' leaving a warm kiss
any custles in Spain ! - - -
When the morning light broke again
over the gay city the storm had ceased and
nature smiled-cold, it i true, but bril
liantly. ' There was a plentiful breakfast
served'in that little rooni, but the dinner
was taken in far other quarters!
. As I write these lines, L (with some, at
least, -of my dreams of wealth and posi
tion realized) 'sit in a cozy study and listen
to the wrathful howling of the storm with
out. There is a beautiful brown haired
woman sewing near a sprite of a girl dec
orating a snow white kitten with crimson
ribbons cn the rug in front of the glowing
grate." I look up suddenly from the book
T am reading at the' former. Our eyes
meet. Are we both thinking of the past?
It may be so. She steals softly -behind
my chair and twines her .arms around my
neck. - - - j
"Darling do youjem ember such a night
as this scarcely a year ago?" ehe. asks.
- "Yes. I was thinking of it."" ,
--And of what brought me to you V
"Yes." : -, r J
- - She bends still nearer to me. I feel her
fervent kiss such a -one as only a voung
and lovely wife can give ; and I hear, a3 it
were, whispered rather by Epirit than by
mortal lips :
"Now, my darling, I am yours body and
soul." ' . t ;
Thank God that it i? so.
: Tea.
The physiological, properties of tea are
similar to those of coffee. It is slightly
astringent and tonic, and when used with
out milk or sugar, is a simple remedial
ajrent in nausea "and indisestion : but if
sugar is adde", it is converted into a thin
syrup, which is more apt to produce indi
gestion than the consumption of many
times its weight of pure candy, since su
gar is nore digestible in the concentrated
than in the diluted state. It is a mild
stimuiant to tlie skin ana Xidnevs. pre
'v.'c? hiv"
vents sleepiness, counteracts the enects of
alcohol, r and reduces the rate of waste of
the tissues,' an action supposed to be due
to the theine or peculiar principle of the
plant, the quantity of which is variously
estimated from one-half of cne to four per
cent., and which closely resembles caffeine,
or the principle ot coffee. It is also an
aphrodisaic of considerable power, and the
rapid increase of population in China is by
some supposed to be due to its universal
use by all classes.
In addition to its other properties, the
Chinese regard it as a preventive of gout
and calculus. It no doubt has the power
of preventing the latter ; but this action is
probably due to the fact that, if water is
boiled, the greater part of the carbonate
of lime it contains, and which would enter
into the composition of a calculus, is pre
cipitated ; therefore the drinking of boiled
water would be equally effective in influ
encing the prevalence of this disease. It
is also narcotic and sedative, like opium ;
and like it, its action varies with the indi
vidual and the dose. To some it is exhil
arating to the nervous, and calming to the
vascular system. In the words of Waller:
''The Muse's friend, tea does our fancy id,
Repress those vapors which the head in
iavade.'' To others, on the contrary, it 'is highly
deleterious, producing headache, and some
times even causing paralysis and diabetes,
especially when us-jd to excels as in tea
Listers. The time of day in which tea is taken
in different countries varies with the cus
tom of each"" nation, as does mct every
other human habit. The Chinese drink it
at all times, ..and keep the pot cn the
fire so that they "may moisten their Hps,"
after the fashion of Sairy Gamp; others
consider it almost sacrilege to take it at any
other hour than in the evening and at tea;
while many sajr with Gray,
,."At noon (tffe lady's "matin hour)
I sip tea's delicious flower."
At whatever time it may be used, there j
is no doubt that it acts much more ener- j
getically taken on an empty, stomach, and
without any other food.
The very best business to look after
is undoubtedry-yrrrrrwn.
. , - - - , , . ,
-A man in Troy was recently buried
m a coffin which he had bought ten years
before m .anticipation of a rise m prices.
.: A traveling : humori3t advertises his
"first annual farewell tour" a3 about to be-
gin.
... What is the diSirerice between a
chimney bird, whipped by its mate, and
Jonah ? One is whaled by a swallow, and
the other swallowed bv a whale.
Dumber 32.
Facetiae
i. -.TAll over town -smoke. t -.
. 'Long division -divorce. - i '
i ir The greatest linguist echo. f
!: -Feeling fellowf pick-pocketa.- t
lTA matter ,of couse-rrse-racing,
-Behind time the back cf a clock.
. tA bIunr-buss kissing .the wron
gL ... . ... ..rr, ... , 0
A wooden wedding marrying a
blockhead. , . '.
"Pe man of musical turn the organ
grinder. " - "'."".'
apital punishmenterTiog in tha
legislature.
" -j ujaios em&crs trom which tha
sparks have fled. - -"
-Changed his vocation Grant, from
tannins to Cabinet making -
..Why. was Noah never hungry ? "Be
cause he had Hani with him. . - r
- Beautiful extraet-r-a handsome lady
just helped out of a mud hole. :
. What is that, which, when thrown
out maybe caught without hands ? Ahint.
. To remove stains from the character,
get rich.
When is a young man's arm like tha
Gospel ? When it maketh glad the."waist
places." ; -.- ,.-.-J "r ; -;
A large number of : the J)epartnient
clerks are" dissatisfied with Grant's Cabi
net. Of course they will resign, (J) '
--If time is money, most people have a
good deal " more money than they ' know
what to do with. ; - 7
The woodman Who spared that tree,
came near freezing to death the past win
ter, on account of the scarcity of wood.
-A tombstone in Maine, erected to the
L memory of a wife, bears the inscription :
"'lears cannot restore ; her. therefore I
weep. ...
There is a man in town so knowing,
that people who don't know their own
minds come to him for information on the
e abject. '. .
A young lady .went to a photograph
artist the other day and wanted him to
take her with all expression as if compos-
ins
poem.
It is supposed that the thief who wa3
reported in the morning papers as haying
left the house, did so because he .was not
able to take it with him.
: It is estimated that there are 1,554,
S23.43G,45C.524 threshing machines in
the United "States, without counting the
school marms.
Sentimentalists sing, "Give me a cot
in the vallev I love :" but persons of a
f 1 . 1 J , .
! , . , t
Fanny Fern having said that "'men
of the present day are fast'.-Prentice re
plies "that they have to be to catch the
women."
When a man and woman are made
one by a clergyman, the question is which
is the one ? Sometimes, there is a long
struggle between them to finally settle this
matter.
. A showman advertises that among his
other curiosities is the celebrated "differ
ence," which has so often been split. by
bargain makers. He says he has both
halves of it.
The man who has a family and who
refuses to subscribe for a newspaper, de
bars his children the privilege of gaining
more information in three months than
they will in twelve attending school.
A gentleman advertises for a horse
"for a lady of dark color, a good trotter,
and of stylish action ?" . The horse "must
be young and have a long tail about fifteen
hands high."
"Fine day for the race," said a wag
to a sporting friend one bright morning
lately. "Whatraee?" anxiously inquired
his friend. "Why, the human race, to be
sure," was the reply.
In a recent temperance lecture Beech
er remarked that Ireland grew no wines.
One of bis hearers reminded him that the
Green Isle grows whisky. "Oh, yes."
said Beecher, "I acknowledge the corn."
Among the curious tombstone inscrip
tions which have come to our ears lately,
is the following : .
"Here lies, Betsy : . . . ,
Where she's gone,, and how she fres,
- No one knowj and no one Cures."
"Mr. Timothy," said a young lady
who had b?en showing off her wit at tha
expense of an admirer, "you remind me of
a barometer that is filled with nothing in
the upper story." "Divine Almifa,'
meekly replied the adorer, "in thanking
! vou for that compliment, let me remind
you that you occupy the upper story cn-
i tirely '
j , .. . . ,
i A tall eastern girl named Short Joved
w Mp :.LittleVtrhi,e litde LIttle
thinking of Short, loved a little lass named
Long mate a stjry gW
j propoed to Long, and Short longed to be
j eTen Little's shortcomings. So Short
j reacting Long, threatened to marry Little
before long, which caused Little in a short
. time to marry Long. Query Did tall
j Short love big Little less, because LlUle
loved Lonz ?
i
i '
DTT 1