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J.T. IITCIIIIf SON , 1 EDITORS.
JED. J Airs, sua
VOLUME 9.
WILLIAM KITTELL, Attorney at
Law, Ebtnsbnrg, Pa.
Augast 13,1863.
JOHN FENLON, Attorney at Law,
Ebensburg, Pa.
Office on High street. augl3
GEORGE M. READE, Attorney at
Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
jQp Office in Colonnade Bow. anglS
1LLIAM H. SECHLER, Attor
ner at Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
Office in Colonnade Row. ang20
EORGE W. O ATM AN, Attorney at
Law and Claim Agent, and United
Bute! Commissioner for Cambria county, Eb
ensburg, Pa. , . angl3
OI1NSTON & SCANLAN, Attorneys !
at Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
fgy Office opposite the Conrt House.
a. L. JQBMMTOK. ftlRl3 J. . 1CASLAS.
SAMUEL SINGLETON, Attorney at
Law, Ebensburg, Pa. . .
Office on High street, west of Fos
ter's Hotel. augl3
JAMES C. EASLY, Attorney at Law,
Carrolltown, Cambria county, Pa.
Jfif Architectural Drawings and Specifi
cations made. - - rug!3
EJ. WATERS, Justice of the Peace
and ScrWener.
t&" Office adjoining dwelling, on High St.,
Ebensburg, Pa. 13-6m.
A. SHOEMAKER, Attorney at
X Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
Particular attention paid to collections.
g6J- Office on High street, west of the Di
amond. augl3
a. xoraitH, T. W. DICK,
Johntto. btburff.
OPKLIN & DICK, Attorneys at
Law, Ebensburg, Pa. t
t& Office in Colonade Row, with Wm.
Juttell, Esq. Oct. 22.
JOSEPH S. STRAYER, Justice of
the Peace, Johnstown, Pa.
fgy Office on Market street, corner of Lo
cuit street extended, and one door south of
ilie late office of Win. il'Kee. . augl3
DEYEREAUX, M. D., Physician
and Surgeon, Summit, Pa. -
E&T Office east of Mansion House, on Rail
road itreet. Night calls promptly attended
o, at bis office. augl3
TH. DE WITT ZEIGLER
J Offers his professional serrlees to the
eititem of Ebembarsr and Ticinity. He will
riiit Ebensburg the second Tuesday of each
taooth, to remain one week.
Teeth - extracted, without pain, with. Xitroiu
Oiidt, or Larngkiny Oat.
S- Rooms adjoining Q. Huntley's store,
High street. g!3
DENTISTRY.
The undersigned, Graduate of the Bal
timore College of Dental Surgery, respectfully
offen his professional services to the citizens
pf Ebensburg. He has spared no means to
thoroughly acquaint himself with every im
provement in his art. To many years of per
istal experience, be has sought to add the
imparted experience of the highest authorities
in Dental Science. He simply asks that an
spportunity may ba ..given for his work to
iptak its own praise.
SAMUEL BELFORD, D. D. S.
t-Will beat Ebensburg on the fourth
Monday of each month, to stay one wjek.
Angus 23, 1868.
LLOYD L CO., BanJctr$
Esaxsarao, Pa.
fcST Gold, Silver, CovernmenULoans and
other Securities bought and sold. Interest
allowed on Time Deposits. Collections made
q all accessible points in the Cnited States,
an: a General Banking Business transacted.
Angoit 13, 18G8.
T M. LLOYD & Co., Bankers
' Altooxa., Pa.
D'tfti ot the princioal cities, and Silver
nd Gold ror iale. Collections made. Mon
J receitei on deposit, payable on demand,
without intereat, or upon time, with interest
t fair rates. augl3
T HEFIRST NATIONAL BANK
, Of Jouxetowx, Pxxxa. ,
J' up Capital $ 60,000 00 i
rrUiUat to increase to 100.000 00
We buy and sell Inland and Foreign Drafts,
Gold and Silver, and all classes of Govern
ment Securities ; make collections at home
ad abroad ; receive deposits ; loan money,
and do a general Banking business. All
Klines, entrusted to us will receive prompt
attention and csre, at moderate prices. Give
a trial.
Director! :
J. Mosa.Li,
,!c KirritA,
Jcos M. Camtdill,
osqE FaiTz.
IJonx DtBsar.
Jacob Lbykboood,
Jakks McMiilxx.
FaiTz,
DANIEL J. MORRELL, rruiient.
H. J. P.obckts, Cathttr. sep3ly
a. LLorn, Pret't. jonx liotd, Cathier.
TjUItST NATIONAL DANK
OF ALTOONA.
GO VERXMEXT A GENCY,
DESIGNATED DEPOSITORY OF TIIE UNI
TED STATES.
.KJ' Corner Virginia and Annie sts., North
'fd, Altoona, Pa.
THoauiD Camtai. $300,000 00
CamtaI'Paid is 150,000 00
'4rabl"ineM pertlnIn BanI:lneT &a on
'""'ernal Revenue Stamps of all denomina
' always on hand.
,,5 Parchasers of Stamps, percentage, in
t'lnft be ftNo"eil as follows : $50 to
W per cent'5 $ 00 to $200, 8 per cent.;
nd upwards, 4 per cent. augl3
AMUEL SINGLETON, Notary Pub-
q, He, Ebensburg, Pa.
teLce on Uigh itreetf wegt of yoster'i Ho-
C.ugl3
-ob Work of all kinds done at this
If IT e Knew!
If wt knew the woes and heartache
Waiting for us down the road,
If our lips could taste the wormwood,
. : If our backs could feel the load,
Would we waste the day in wishing
For a time that ne'er can be ;
Would we wait with such impatience 1
For cur ships to come from sea?
If 'we knew the baby fingers
Pressed against the window pane
Would be cold and stiff to-morrow
Never trouble us again
Would the bright eyes of our darling
Catch the frown upon our brow ;
Would the print of rosy fingers
Vex us then as they. do now ?
Ah 1 these little ice-cold fingers,
How they point our memories back
To the hasty words and actions
Strewn along our backward track 1
How these little hands remind us,
As in snowy grace they lie,
Not to scatter thorns but roses
For our reaping by and by.
Strange we never prise the music
Till the sweet-voiced bird bas flown ;
Strange that we should slight the violets
Till the lovely flowers are gone ;
Strange that summer skies and sunshine
Never seem one-half so fair
As when winter's snowy pinions
Shake their white down in the air 1
Lips from which the seal of silence
None but God can roll away,
Never blossomed ia such, beauty
As adorns the mouth to-day ;
And sweet words that freight our memory
With their beautiful perfume
Come to us ia sweeter accents
Through the portals of the tomb.
Let us gather up the sunbeams
- Lying all around our path ;
Let us keep the wheat and roses,
Casting out the thorns and chaff;
- Let us find our sweetest comfort
In the blessings of to-day,
With a patient hand removing
All the 'briers from our way.
"Good bye, Martha. God help you !
I shall be back, in throe days at the far
thest." The hardy "White Mountain pioneer,
Mark "Warren, kissed his young wife, held
his two rears old boy to his breast for a
moment, and then, shouldering the sack of
corn which was to be converted into meal
at the rude mill forty miles away, trudged
out into the wilderness.
Martha Warren stood at the door of the
log cottage, gating out after the retreating
form of her husband. An ansle of dense
ah rubbery hid him from her view, but still
ahe did not return to the solitary kitchen ;
it looked so dark and lonesome there that
she eh rank from entering, or perhaps the
grand sublimity of the view spread out be
fore her attracted her attention and thril
led her soul with that nameless something
that we all see when standing face to face
with the work of His fingers.
The finest and most satisfactory view of
the White Mountains is that which pre
sents itself from what is now the town of
Bethlehem, on the road to Littleton and
Franconia. Mount Washington, the king
among princes, is there seen in its proper
place) the center of the rock-ribbed range
towering above, bald, blue, aud unap
proachable.
Far up in a wild clearing, close by the
turbid waters of the Ammonoosoc, was the
cottage situated a place wild enough for
the nest of an eagle, but dear to the heart
of Martha Warren as the home where she
had spent the happy days of her young
wifehood, . when she had turned away
from manv a tatrician suitor in the fair
old town of Portsmouth, to join her for
tunes with Mark "Warren, with a full and
perfect understanding of the trials that
lay before her. She would walk in no
path of roses for years to come ; much ef
her life must be spent in the eternal soli
tudes, whre silence was broken only by J
the wild winds of the forest, the roar of
the river, and the howl of the red-mouthed
wolf afar in the wilderness.
The necessary absence of her husband
she dreaded most. It was so very gloomy
to elose up to her lonely fireside, with the
consciousness that there was no human be
ing nearer to her than the settlement of
Lord's Hill, ten miles away, through path
less woods.
There was little to fear from the In
dians, although a few of the scattered
tribes yet roamed over these primeval
hunting grounds. They were mostly dis
posed to be friendly, and Mrs. Warren's
kind heart naturally prompted her to many
acts of friendship toward them, - and an
Indian never forgets a benefit.
The purple mist cleared away from the
scarred forehead of the dominant old
mountain ; the yellow sun peeped over the
rocky , wall, and Martha turned away to
the performance of her simple domestic
duties." The day was a long one, but it
was towards evening, and the gloaming
comes much sooner in these solitudes than
in any other place. The sunlight faded
out of the unglsred windows, though it
would illumine the distant mountains for
I WOULD BATHER BB BIGHT THAN PRESiBKNT-MBT
EBENSBURG, PA., THJJRJSDAY, MARCH 11, 1869.
some time yet; and Martha went out in the
scanty garden to inhale the odor of . the
sweet pinks she had brought from her old
home. - . '. .-. ' .
The epicy perfume carried her back in
memoir to those days away in the post
spent with, kind friends and cheered. by
bright young hopes. But though the
of home and kindred made her
sad, not for a moment did she regret that
she had chosen it. Absorbed in thought,
she had not observed the absence of Char
lie,, her little boy; now, she aaw with
that he bad left the bed
of peppermint where he had been playing
and was not to be seen. She called his
name, .but only echo and the roar of tHe
swollen, river . replied. She flew, back VA
the house, the faint hope remaining that
he might have returned thither for his pet
kitten. But. no; the kitten was mewing
at the window, but the boy Charlie was
not there.
"With frantic haste she searched the
clearing, but without success. Her next
thought was the river 1 Black as night,
save where it was flecked with spots of
white foam, it flowed but a few rods be
fore her. She hurried down the bank,
calling out, 'Charley I Charley I"
The child's voice at some little distance
replied. She follow the sound, and to her
horror saw the boy, his golden hair and
rosy cheeks clearly defined against the
purple twilight sky, standing on the very
edge of a huge detached rock some ten
feet from the shore, out' in the sweeping
current of the river 1
This rock, called by the settlers "tho
Pulpit' was a good situation for casting
fishing lines, and Mark Warren had bridg
ed the narrow chasm between it and the
shore with a couple of hewn logs. ,
Allured by some clusters of flaming fire
weed growing on the side of the Pulpit,
Charley had passed over, and now stood
there, regardless of danger, holding out
the floral treasures to his mother.
. Martha flew over the frail bridge, and
the next instant held her child in her
arms, joyful that she had found him unin
jured, and mentally resolving that the logs
should be removed to prevent further ac
cident. She turned to retrace her steps,
but . the sight that met her eyes froze her
with horror to the spot.
Confronting her on the bridge, not six
feet diatant, was an enormous vrolf, gant
and bony with hunger, with his eyes bla
zing like live coals through the mist and
gloom, his hot, fervid breath scorching the
very air she breathed.
A low growl of intense satisfaction stir
red the air, answered by the growl of fifty
more of his kind. In another moment,
they would be upon her I
Without an instant's thought of the
consequence, Martha obeyed her first im
pulse and struck the logs with her foot,
exercising ail her mad strength in the
blow. The frail fabric tottered, and the
soft earth gave way; there was a breath
of awful suspense, and then the bridge
went down with a dull plunge into the wa
ters beneath 1 The sharp claws of the
wolf had already been fixed on the scant
vegetation of the rock, and he held on a
moment, struggling with ferocious strength
to gain a foothold; the next ho slid down
into the chasm, uttering a wild howl of
disappointed rage.
Martha sank on her knees and offered
up a fervent prayer of thanksgiving for
her escape ; but simultaneously . with the
heartfelt "amen" came a dreadful recol
lection. The bridge formed the only link
between the Pulpit and the main land,
and that was severed ! True, she was not
more than twenty feet distant from the
shore of .the river, but she might as well
have been thousands of miles out in the
ocean. The water was deep, and ran with
almost inconceivable rapidity forty or fifty
feet below her, over rocks so sharp and
lagged that it made her shiver to look over
the brink.
Her only hope was in her husband. '
Should he return at the expected time,
they might still be alive ; but if, by any
accident, he should be detained beyond the
time ! She closed her eyes, and besought
God for protection and help. -
Cold and hungry, and drenched by the
mist of the river, Charlie began to cry for
home. She could hear anything better
than that. She took off her own garments
to fold around him, and held him to her
breast and sang him the cradle songs which
had so often soothed him.
The fierce howls of the wolves and the
sullen thunders of the river filled Charlie's
heart with terror, and all the long, dark
night through he clung to hb mother's
neck, crying to go home. , . -
Day dawned at last, the pale sun swim
ming through the sickly sky, the pallid
forecast of a storm. Weak and faint from
cold for summer is no bearer of tropical
smiles in thb inhospitable clime Martha
paced back and forth the narrow limits ef
the rock. No one came ; the faint sun
arose; it was night again. A cold fog
sank down over the mountain, followed by
a drizzling rain, which before morning
changed into a perfect deluge, j The river
rose to a fearful highthjyand foamed milk
white down the gorge' filling the air With
a shuddering roar, like i the peal of anun
prisoned earthquake- , .
The day . that followed was ho better.
Only rain and asheri-white inbi--riot si ray
of sunshine
A new fear rose in tha heatt of Maytoa
Warren. The turbulent stream must have
swept away the bridge over which her
husband must cross on his return, and he
might be) detained for days, may be for
weeks.
; She gave up all for lost.
She felt tempted to fold her child in her
arms and plunge into .the cauldron below,
and thus end her doubts and fears. It
would be better, she thought, than to suf
fer the slow, painful death of starvation.
But something held her back God's curse
is upon those who do self-murder.
Towards nightl a lost robin, beaten
labout by the storm; stopped ; to rest a mo
ment on the rock. ; .Martha seized upon
and rent it in twain, with almost savage
glee, for her child io, devour f raw--ahe,
who two days before would have wept at
the sight of a wounded sparrow I
Another night and day, like the other,
only more intensely agonizing. Martha
was sullenly indifferent now;
had palsied every noble feeling.
suffering
Charlie
moaned for supper ; too weak and spent to
sit up, he was lying on the rock, his head
in her lap, and his great eyes fixed on her
face. She tore open a vein in her arm
with her scissors, and made him drink the
blood 1 Anything, she said, to calm the
wild, wild yearning of his eyes.
The boy rose he sat up and peered
through the darkness.
"Mamma." he said.
papa is coming.
I felt him touch me."
She wept at the mockery, and drew the
child frantically to her bosom.
; The night was fair, lit up by a new
moon. " Overcome by exhaustion, Martha
fell into an uneasy slumber, which towards
midnight was broken by a startling cry.
She sprang to her feet and gazed around
her. : - - -
; No !. her eyes did hot deceive her.
There, on the shore, stood her husband,
and he was calling her name with the en
ergy of despair. She could only cry out,
K), Mark, Mark!" and fell senseless to
the earth.
- When she awoke to consciousness, she
was lying on her bed in the cottage, sup
ported by her husband's arms. It was no
dream. She and her darling boy were not
dead. Many weeks passed before she
grew strong again, but Mark attended her
as a mother would an infant, and by the
time the autumn frosts fell she was the
Lbtlxhe Martha Warren of old.
At the time of the freshet, the bridge
over the Ammonoosue had indeed been
swept away, but Mark, impelled bv an un
controllable fear almost a presentiment
had erossed the river, at the risk of his
tife, on a rude log raft, and reached home
only to find it vacant.
The d-" send ants of Mark Warren and
his wife sml dwell in the fertile valleys of
the "Ammonoosoc, and the old men still
tell to their grandchildren , the story of
Martha Warren and her child.
A Splendid Description.
On a certain occasion, one Paul Benton,
a Methodist preacher in Texas, advertised
a barbecue, with better liquor than is usu
ally furnished. When the people assem
bled, a desperado in the crowd cried but :
"Mr. Paul Denton, your reverence has
lied. You promised not only a good bar
becue, but better liquor. Where's the
liquor Y .
"There I": answered the missionary, in
tones of thunder, and pointing hb long,
bony finger at the matchless double spring,
gushing up in two strong columns, with a
sound like a shout of joy, frem the bosom
.of the earth. , "There 1" he repeated, with
a look terrible as lightning, while his ene
my actually trembled at hb feet ; "there
b the liquor which God, the Eternal,
brews for all hb children.
"Not in the simmering still, over smoky
fires choked with poisonous gases, and sur
rounded with the stench of sickening odors
and corruption, doth your Father in heaven
prepare the precious essence of life, pure
cold water. But in the glade and grassy
dell, where the red deer wanders, and the
child loves to play, there God brews it;
and down, low down in the deepest valleys,
where the fountain murmurs and the rills
sing; and high up in the mountain tops,
where the naked granite slitters like gold
in the sun, where storm clouds brood and
the thunder storms crash ; and out, out on
the wide, wide sea, where the hurricane
howls music, and the big waves roll the cho
rus, sweeping the march of God there he
t . . . t. i i.i
prews it Beverage ox iuc,neauu giving w
f r. And everywhere it b a thing of beauty,
eleaminflr in the dew-drop, singing in the
summer rain, shining in the ice gem, till
they seem turned to living jeweb ; spread
incr a eolden veil over the setting sun, or
a white gauze around the midnight moon ;
sporting in the cataract; sleeping in the
glacier ; dancing in the hail shower ; fol
ding its brieht curtains jgjftly around the
win try 'world, and weaving the many-col
ored lsis, that seraph a zone or tno air,
whose warr b the rain-droDS of the earth,
and checkered over with the celestial flow
ers of the mystic band of refraction that j
Diesfted uie-water.: xq poison Duouxes uu
its prink; its foam brings not madness and
murder ; no blood stains its liquid glass )
pale widows and starving- children weep
not burning tears in its depths! Speak
out, my friends: would you exeharigH it
for the demon's drink, alcohol?'
A shout, like the teat of ibe tempest,
anwer4 : "Joi"
IT. X - -
History of a Remarkable Stone.
' 1 "
.The Harrisbure State GarcL savs: Tt
is not often ; that facts and circumstances'
like the following -come within lhr reach
of the journalist, and we now barely refer
to this as showing a history of the curious
as well as mysterious in minerals which
certainly borders on the marvelous.
Nearly a century ago 'an old gentleman
was passing along a road in lower Virginia,
where a party of. worthy emigrants: bad
been encamped some time before. As he
walked leisurely forward a rabbit crossed
hb path. He paused, and in a moment
the little animal returned. Coming back
the third time, the old man stooped to
Dick ut a stone to throw at it. ' As he
lifted his arm in the sunlight his attention
was attracted by the beautiful manner in
which the stone refracted the light, and
instead of throwing: it he out it in hb
pocket. Returning home he gave it to his
children to play with, only regarding it as
a singularly beautiful stone, without attach
ing any special value to it. Some days
afterwards an intelligent physician called
at the house and observing the stone on
the floor, examined it and offered six dol
lars for it. Tbe old gentleman argued
that if it Was worth six dollars it was worth
more, and declined parting with it.
0OOT an opportunity offered to send the
stone to Englaod by a trusty friend of the
family. On reaching London he went to
consult an old lapidary by the name of
Fox. After careful examination this man
said : "All America is not able to buy
that stone." The young man tten went
to an old Jew who dealt in precious stones.
He was of your nervous suspecting kind of
individuals, and said at once "put that in
your pocket, and do not come out again
without a guard. You would be robbed
were it known you had thb." The agent.
alarmed at finding himself the custodian of
so great a treasure, avoided any further
effort to bring it to notice and availed him
self of the first opportunity to return home.
Some time after a party of six men came
over from Maryland, and offered in land
and negroes what was considered equiva
lent to one hundred thousand dollars. JLhe
owner argued as he did when the first offer
was made, and declined. :
In the meantime the old man died, and
as the circumstances of the family were
comfortable, no special effort wa1.2nade.to
dispose of the stone. It passed dawn
through several generations, being careful
ly concealed till after the war, when it
cime into the hands of Dr. Dougherty, of
Mechanicsburg, whose children are legal
heirs. The Doctor applied the various
tests, and found it to possess the charac
teristics of the diamond. His opinion was
confirmed by several scientific friends.
It is, of course, in its rough state. . It
possesses a superior degree of hardness,
and readily cuts glass. It has the pecu
liar adamantine lustre, and acquires vitre
ous electricity by friction, has double re
fractive power, and b colorless and trans
parent. There is only one suspicious cir
cumstance connected with it and that is
its size. It is somewhat larger than any
diamond heretofore described. The larg
est diamond known seems to be that of the
Bajah of Matten, in the East Indies, which
weighs 367 carats, whilst thb stone weighs
450 carats. The diamond possessed by the
Emperor of Mrgul weighed 276 carats,
and was reckoned worth 400,000 sterl-
icg
For prudential reasons Dr. D. has been
quiet in regard to thb stone, waiting, as
Micawber would say, for "something to
turn up." Recently a combination of cir
cumstances, bordering on the marvellous,
has led to further investigation. The
stone has been sent away to pass "the scru
tiny of the ablest men of thb country and
there b every reason to believe that Amer
ica' can boast the largest diamond in the
world.
Prison Discipline. Judge Pierce,
of the Philadelphia Quarter Sessionss on
charging the Grand Jury, on the 1st inst
ant, said, "the time has come for a review
of our whole criminal system, both with
respect to the cause of crime and the means
of suppressing and punishing it." He
then went on to say: "The Inmates of ottr
prisons should be compelled to maintain
themselves. They should be no charge
upon the public purse.. The principal ob
jection to prison labor comes from the pro
ducing classes, because the product 01 rue a
labor comes in competition with the fruits
of their own labor. But thb need not be
so. The prisoners could be put to labor on
such things as they themselves consume.
With a suitable prison they could be made
to till the soil and grow their own bread
stuffs, raise the cattle they consume, weave
the cloth and make the clothes they wear,
erind the flour and bake the bread they
eat ; quarry stone and build their prisons
or extensions of them ; and if there should
be any surplus produce after their wants
are provided for, they could be used in
our almshouses for the helpless and needy
poor. In like manner, the inmates of the
almshouse who can work should be made
to support theaselvea. By limiting the
Jrodilcts of these institutions to the wants
of the inmates of them, the rivalry with
outside labor b prevented, and yet immense
sums will be saved to the publio purse.
Criminals will also learn that they must
support themselves, whether in prison
or out of it."
NUMBER 31.
Facetiae.
' . -
Musical lists -Voca-lbts.
-A fainting fit--tight lacing.
Wanted tfce key to a eaal loci
Turf movements Grave digging,
A grate work Repairing a stove.
A "Marine Parade" A naral review.
A verse by nature's poet The uni
verse. Pointed Architecture the Cathedra!
of Spires.
If a man fall oat of the window, what
does he fall against t Against hb will.
The best place to perform the Grecian
Bend b over the wash-tub.
"Hunting-Parties-" Mothers with
daughters to marry J
The mitten that never fits The one
you get from a lady.
Whatever else yoo may choose to sin.
let alone gos-aip.
To a bonnet though lost to sight to
memory dear.
Hemoving a landmark washing a
dirty face. .
Aiming at an end a parent flogging
hb child,
An comparisons are odious, and should
be avoided.
Attempt not to curb a madman nor to
make a fool wise.
Be prudent and circumspect in all
you say and do, '
Never interfere in other people's con
cerns. Courtship b bibs, but matrimony b
blister.
A desirable domestic bird A duck
cf a wife.
.Unpleasant drawing Drawing a
tooth.
The back door belle A pretty kitch
en xnaid. - ' ' -
Unmarried ladies with independent
resources should husband them.
- What fruit does a newly married
couple resemble T A green pair.
We always respect old age, except
when stuck with a pair of tough chickens.
Why is a baby like a sheaf of wheat?
Because it b flrnt cradled, then thrashed,
and finally becomes the flower of the fam
ily. -There is a man in town so witty that
hb wife manufactures all the butter that
the family uses from the cream of hb
jokes.
A western exchange says the grass
hoppers recently ate up half an acre of to
bacco for a farmer, ana when he went out
to look at it they sat on the fence and
squirted tobacco juice ia hb face. "
. . "Why do you set the cup ef coffee on
the chair, Mr. Jones?" said a worthy land
lady one morning at breakfast. "It is so
weak, ma'am, I thought I would let it
rest," replied Jones.
"Pat," said Judge Tiff tohb neighbor
in a sleeping car, "you would have remain
ed a long time in the old country before
you could have slept with a Judge." "Yes,
yer Honor ; and ye would have been a Ion;
time in the culd country before ye'd beta
a judge."
. A countryman, not long since, en
first sight of a locomotive, declared that
he thought it was the devil on wheels.
"Faix, an' ye'r worse than meself," said an
Irish bystander, "for the first time I saw
the eraythur I thought it was a steamboat
huntiu for wather."
A young lady in conversation with m
friend,' thus enthusiastically praised a
clergyman i
HHe b a perfect ehliemah ; he parts
hb'hair in the middle ; talks horse and
plays billiards beautifully '
A western paper gives Itself the fol
lowing pleasant obituary notice on Thanks
giving day :
"No paper will do bailed from thb ofSce
to-morrow nor any other day."
The Sheriff was around.
Mamma, papa is getting very rioh,
isn'i he ?" "I don't know ; why, child ?"
"Cause, he gives rile bo much money. ; Al
most every morning, after breakfast, wbea
Sally is sweeping the parlor, he gives me
a sixpence to go out and play." 8allie re
ceived a short notice to quit.
Why are women like churches ?
Firstly, because there is no living without
one ; secondly because there b many a
spire to them ; thirdly, because they are
objects of adoration ; and lastjf but by no
means least, bo&luse they hate a loud cbp-
I per in their upper story.
At a fair recently held down east. A
youngster of sixteen inquired of one of tl
,hs
young lady attendants : "Have yott any,
nice fitting diapers ?" "Wo don't keep
them ready made, but if you will come in
side the table I will take your .measure,"
was the damsel's spirited ifeply. Saucy
Young America Ufa
A gentleman being asked by a clergy
man why be did not attend the evettisg
prayer meetings, said he could not leave
the children.
"Have you no servants ?"
"Yes," he replied "we have two servants
who keep the house and board uy, but m
are aljvwc.d. but few privileges."
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