The Ebensburg Alleghanian. (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1865-1871, December 10, 1868, Image 1

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    J. T. Ili'Tt;Mvf I EDITORS.
Vn. JA3IGS, i
VOLUME 9.
-iTTILLlAM Kll iljJiij, Attorney at
j Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
August 13, 1SC8.
JOHN FENLON, Attorney at Law,
Ebensburg, Pa.
Office on High street. ugl3
GEORGE M. READE, Attorney at
Law, Ebensburg, Ta.
kJ- Office in Colonnade Itow. augl3
n7'lLLIAM II. SECHLER, Attor
I i ney nt Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
2?- OfTicein Colonnade Row. aug20
G" KOllGE W. O ATM AN, Attorney at
Law and Claim Agent, and United
ifutes Commissioner for Cambria county, Eb
ensburg, Pi. angl3
JOHNSTON & SCAN LAN, Attorneys
at Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
jpgy Office opposite the Court Hnu3e.
R. L. JOHNSTON. fUlglo J. E. SCANLAX.
SAMUEL SINGLETON, Attorney at
Law, Ebensburg, Ta.
rQ" Office on High street, west of Fos
ter's Hotel. augl3
J A MLS C. LASLY, Attorney ar j.aw,
C irrolltown, Cambria county, Pa.
Architectural Drawings nad Specifi
cations wide. faugl3
EJ. WATERS. Justice oi the 1'eace
and Scrivener.
IteJ Office adjoining dwelling, on lligli St.,
'Ibenaburtr, Pa. LAU? -m.
17 A. SHUriMAlvhU, Attorney at
J Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
Particular attention piid to collections.
3 Uilite on High street, west of the Di
amond. ft"Sli!
A. KOI'KJ.IM, 1- ""-"I
Joknatovcn. hbenlurg.
TOl'liLIX & DICK, Attorneys at
i Law, Ebensburg, Pa.
E'-y OfTice in Colonade Row, with Wm.
r. tu'll, Esq. Oct. 22.
JOSEPH S. STB A YE II, Justice of
fj the Pence, Johnstown, Pa.
Office on Market street, corner of Lo
cust street extended, and one door south of
the l ite office of Wm. M'Kee. augl3
p PEVEIIEAUX, M. D., Physician
XX nJ Surgeon, Summit, Pa.
r- Office cast of Maus:on House, on Rail-ru.k.Wtn.-et.
Night calls promptly attended
to, at liis office. augl3
IVf, IE WITT ZEIGLEH
jLs JJ.-iriug permanently located io Ebens
burg. of!Vra his professional services to the
citizens of town and vicirity.
Teeth extracted, without pain, -with Citrous
U.J . or Lav. j king (7a a.
f Rooms aojoiuing G. Huntley 3 store-,
li.fh street. nugl.l
ENTISTIIY.
The undersitrued. Graduate of the Bal
timore College of Dental Surgery, respectfully
oilers his professional services to the citizeus
c y.bensburg. He has spared no means to
thoroughly acquaint himself with every im
crort uient in hi3 art. To many years of per
ianal experience, he has sought to add the
iajjarted experience of the highest authoritieo
ia Dental Science. He simply asks that an
opportunity may be given far his work to
'.i'i.k its own praise.
SAMUEL BELFORD, D. D. S.
f?-Will beat Ebensburg on the fourth
llor. Uv of each month, to stay one wjek.
August 13, 1SC3.
T LOYD & CO., Hanker
JL J EnrssccRG, Pa.
r.-5""(;ol l. Silver, Government Loans and
ot!i -r Securities bought and sold. Interest
i.::,,v ! on Time Deposits. Collections made
i- :M :ir.-.j?sible points in the United States,
-.r. a C.'iier,l Hacking Business transacted.
Au-'i.-t 13. lS'JS.
M. LLOYD & Co , Banker
. At.tooxa. Pa.
V'n.f-.e or. the principal cities, and Silver
ar. 1 C.i.l t'.ir :.. Collections made. Mon
''.vs rt' 1 m '. cm deposit, payable on demand,
!i!;o-it inttrcst, Jr upon tune, with interest
Kl ,:'-':r rates. ar.gl3
rvui: fiksFn ATI ON A L IJA nk
Or Johnstown, Pesxa.
ty, ! ,.r Cipittti S c.0,000 co
l'ri-'i!t;;c to increase to JOO.GOO 00
V; Lay and soil Tulaud and Foreign Drafts,
i ami Silver, and all classes of Govera
saiiit securities ; make collections at home
.thread : receive deposits ; loan money,
''il di a general J5ankin; business. All
I'J-'incss entrusted to us will receive prompt
"ti'titiim auu care, at moderate prices. Give
,: atrial.
Directors :
' J. M-. vht:i.l,
JoilX DlBERT,
Jacob Levkbgood,
Euw'd. Y. Towxsesd.
'A Iw.ff.MAX,
M. ('ampbzll,
DANIEL J. MOERELL, rresident.
Ji- J. IIodv.uts, Cashier.
sep3ly
)! m. i i.ovn, l'rcJt. John li.oyd, Cashier.
UlllST NATIONAL LANK
-i- OF ALTOONA.
GO VERXMEXT A GENCY,
... AND
"flNATED DEPOSITORY OF THE UNI-
TED STATES.
...f-iJ" Corn?r Virginia and Annie sts., North
Altoona, Pa.
jV!:n.:iZf I, Capital $300,000 00
ASil Caj'ital Paid in..' 150,000,00
t ' i-iness pertaining to Banking done on
iVvr.d.Ii; terms.
!l'Hri:aI Revenue Staiups of nil denomina
J?" !'lw''ys ou hand.
0 purchasers of Stamps, percentage, in
lamps, wiu be aUowed ag f0iiovvg . $50 to
vi'Xi, 2 per cent. ; $QQ to $200, 3 per cent.;
"Larul upwards, 4 per cent. augl3
AEliNGLET()N, Notary Pub-
,,.r lc, Ebensburg, Pa. ,
u "ce oa High street, west of Foster' Ho--l..,
J ' augl3
J015 T)Kir of all kinds done at
1Ut ALLEGHANIAN OFFICE,
Higu St., EuEjiSBUKt;, Pa.
EBENSBURG, PA., THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10, 18C8.
Procrastination.
FBOM TBS GER51AK
"Mother, oh ! mother, hungry am I,
Give me bread, or else I die."
"Wait yet awhile, my darling son,
The grain we'll sow at the morrow's dawn."
At morn the grain was sown, and then
The hungry boy spake yet again.
"Mother, oh ! mother, hungry am I,
Give me bread, or else I die."
"Wait yet awhile, my darling son,
The grain we'll reap at the morrow's dawn."
At morn the grain was reaped, and then
That hungry boy spoke yet again.
'Mother, oh 1 mother, hungry am I,
Give me bread, or else I die."
"Wait yet awhile, my darling son,
The grain we'll thresh at the morrow's dawn."
At morn the grain was threshed, and then
That hungry boy spoke yet again.
"Mother, oh ! mother, hungry am I,
Give me bread, or else I die."
"Wait yet awhile, my darling son,
The grain we'll grind at the morrow's dawn."
At morn the grain was ground, and then
That hungry boy spok; yet again.
"Mother, oh 1 mother, hungry am I,
Give me bread or else I die."
"Wait yet awhile, my darling son,
The bread we'll bake at the morrow's dawn."
At morn Ihe bread was baked, and then
TLat fair boy never speke again.
THE PINE TREE SHILLING
A STOItY OF TIIK OLDEX TIME.
Captain John Hull was the mint-master
of Massachusetts, and coined all the money
that was made. His was a new line of
business ; for, in the early da-3 of the col
ony, the coinage consisted of the cold and
silver money of England, Portugal, and
bpain. ihese coins beinjr scarce, the peo
ple were often forced to barter their com
modities, instead of selling them. For
instance, if a man wanted to buy a coat,
he perhaps exchanged a bear-skin for it ;
if lie wished a barrel of molasses, ha might
purchase it for a pile cf pine boards.
Musket balls were used instead of far
things. The Indians had a sort of money
called wampum, which, was made of clam
shells, and this Strange sort of specie was
likewise taken in payment of debt by the
English settlers. Bank bills had never
been heard of. There was not money
enough of any kind, in many parts of the
country, to pay their ministers, so that
they had sometimes to take quintals of
ILh, bushels of corn, or cords of wood, in
stead of silver and gold.
As the people grew more numerous, and
their trade with one another increased, the
want of current money was still more sen
sibly felt. To supply the demand, the
General Court passed a law for establish
ing a coinage of shillings and sixpences.
Captain Hull was appointed to manufac
ture this money, and was to have about
one .shilling out of every twenty to pay
him for his trouble in making them.
Hereupon, all the old silver in the col
ony was handed over to Captain Hull.
I he battered silver cans and tankarus, 1
fcuppose, and silver buckles and broken
sp.ons, and silver hilts of swords that had
figured at court all such curious old ar
ticles were doubtless thrown into the
melting-pet together. Eut by far the
greatest part of the silver consisted of
bullion from the mines of South Ameri
ca, which the English buccaneers (who
were little less than pirates) had taken
from the Spaniards and brought to Mas
sachusetts. All this eld and new silver being melted
down and coined, the result was an im
mense amount of splendid shillings, six
pences and threepences. Each had the
date of 1052 on one side, and the figure
of a pine tree on the other. Hence they
were called pine tree shillings ; and for
every twenty shillings that he coined, you
will remember, Captain John Hull was
entitled to put one shilling in his pocket.
The magistrates soon began to suspect
that the mint master would have the best
of the bargain. They offered him a large
sum of money if he would give up that
twentieth shilling, which he was con
tinually dropping into his pocket. But
Captain Hull declared that he was perfect
ly satisfied with the shilling ; and well he
might be, for so diligently did he labor,
that, in a few 3'ears. his pockets, his mon-
ev-bafrs, and his strong box were over
flow m"" with puie tree shillings. ms
was probably the case when he came into
possession of his grandlather's chair ; and,
as he worked so hard at the mint, it was
certainly proper that he should have a
comfortable one to rest himself on.
"When the mint master was grown very
rich, a young man Samuel Sewell, by
name came courting his only daughter.
His daughter whose name I do not know,
but wc will call her Eetsey was a fine,
hearty damsel, by no means as slender as
some young ladies of our own days. On
the contrary, having always fed heartily
on pumpkin-pies, doughnuts, Indian-pud
dintr and other Puritan dainties, she was
is
as round ana pmutp us a puuuiug
With
I WOULD BATHER BE RIGHT
this round, rosy Aliss Betsey did Samuel
Sewell fall in love. As he was a young
man of good character, industrious in his
business, and a member of the church,
the mint master very readily gave his
consent.
"Yes, you may take her," said he, in his
rough way, "and you will find her a
heavy burden enough."
On the wedding day, wa may suppose
honest John Hull dressed in a plain coat,
all the buttons of which were made of
pine tree shillings. The buttons of his
waistcoat were sixpences, and the knees
of his small clothes were buttoned with
silver threepences. Thus attired, he sat
with' great dignity in his grandfather 'e
chair; and being a portly old gentleman,
he completely filled it from elbow to el
bow. On tbc opposite side of the room,
between her bridesmaids, sat his Betsey.
She was blushing with all her might, and
looked like a full blown peony, a great red
apple, or any round or scarlet object.
There, too, was the bridegroom, dressed
in a fine purple coat, and gold-lace waist
coat, with as much other finery as the
Puritan laws and customs would allow him
to put on his hair cropped close to his
ears, because Governor Endicott had for
bidden any man to wear it below his ears.
But he was a very personable young man,
and so thought the bridesmaids, and Miss
Betsey herself.
The mint master was also pleased with
his new son-in-law, especially as he had
said nothing at all about her portion. So,
when the marriage ceremony was over,
Captain Hull whispered a word or two to
his men servants, who immediately went
out, and returned lugging in a large pair
of scales. They were such a pair as
wholesale merchants used for weighing
a bulky commodity was now to be weighed
in them.
"Daughter Betsey," said the mint mas
ter, "go into one side of the scales."
Miss Betsey or Mrs. Sewell, as we
must now call her did as she Was bid,
like a dutiful child, without any question
of why or wherefore. But what her father
could mean, Unless it was to make her
husband pay for her by the pound (in
which case she would have, been a dear
bargain), she had not the least idea.
"And now," said honest John Hull to
his servants, "bring me that box hither."
Tliu box. .to- wLlolx- tJic miniinaslar.
pointed was a huge, square, iron-bound
oak chest ; it was big enough, my chil
dren, for you all four to play hide-and-seek
in.
Captain Hull then took a key out of
his girdle, unlocked the chest, and lifted
the ponderous lid. Behold ! it was full to
the brim of bright pine tree shillings,
fresh from the mint, and Samuel Sewell
thought that his father-in-law had got
possession of all the money in the Massa
chusetts treasury; but it was the mint
master's honest share of the coinage.
Then the servants, at Captain Hull's
command, heaped double handfuls of shil
lings into one side of the scales, while
Betsey remained in the other. Jingle,
jingle went the shillings, handful after
handful were thrown in, till, plump and
ponderous as she was, they weighed the
young lady from the floor.
"There, son Sewell," cried the honest
mint master, resuming 'his seat in his
grandfather's chair, "take these shillings
for my daughter's jtorticn. Use her kind
ly, and thank heaven for her, for it's not
every wife that's worth her weight in
silver."
Didn't Want Curlew. A Salt Lake
paper says : "A wayfarer dropped into the
Accidental Hotel in this place on Tuesday
to get a square meal. Having planted
himself in a chair at one of the tables, lie
was confronted by tha waiter with :
" 'What'll you have V The hungry one
fastened his eyes on the attache le sovj
and said :
" 'What have you that's good V
" -Oh ! we've roast beef, corned beef,
roast mutton, boiled mutton, fried ham
and curlew !'
" 'What is curlew V a3ked the stranger.
" 'Curlew ! why curlew is a bird some
thing like a snipe.'
""Did it Ayr
"'Yes.' :
" l)id it have wings V "
"'Yes
" 'Then I don't want any curlew ; any
thing that had wings, and could fly, and
didn't leave this country, I don't want for
dinner.' "
Epitaphs. The following epitaphs arc
gathered from various sources. The
first show3 the importance of understand
ing punctuation : -
"This stone was erected to the memory
of Joseph Potter, who was accidentally
shot as a mark of respect by his brother."
The poetic license of the next is worthy
of notice : -
Here lie the boned ol" Thomas WoodAffi, .
The beft of husbandd and kindest -of men.
. P. S. His name was Woodcoe, but.it
would not rhyme.
Here is a bit of quiet satire on a stone
erected by a disconsolate widow to her
lamented husband : ' " .
"Tears will not recall you, therefore wc
weep." '
No family should be without a good
home newspaper.
THAN PRESIDENT. Hkmbt Clat.
Commodore Vauderbllt and llio
War.
We find the following interesting anec
dote in a letter to the Evening Post. We
have reason to know that its statements
are strictly correct.' As an act of justice
to Commodore Vanderbilt, and as an il
lustration of hh prompt, liberal and dis
interested patriotism, it is worthy of pres
ervation among the most interesting inci
dents of our great civil war :
To the editors of the Evening Post : No
private citizen has probably ever shown
more patriotism than Cornelius Yandcr
Liljf.His liberality ; to the Government
duriug the darkest period -of the rebellion
should be recorded in the heart of every
true American, and his example handed
down to animate remotest ages. All this
was proved in thia way. "Mr. Stanton,
while Secretary of War, had, from his
scouts within the rebTel lines, ascertained
that the rebels had about' completed their
iron-clad called the Merrimac, and that
she vould soon leave Itichmond, prepared
to destroy our fleet and burn our towns,
without meeting with any power that
could probably resist her. The whole 1
country was alarmed, as well as the Gov
ernment. Under these circumstances a special
agent was directed by telegraph to -wait
upon Commodore Vanderbilt at eleven
o'clock at night and ask him for what sum
of money he could agree to blockade this
iron clad and keep her from getting out
of port. Commodore Vanderbilt instant
ly said to the agent : "Telegraph to . Mr.
Stanton that I will see him at once," and
went immediately to Washington, called
upon Mr. Stanton, and said to him : "I
have come on about this business. Who
is there to be consulted ? If any one, call
him, as I have no time to talk it over
twice." Mr. Stanton replied, "The Pres
ident, Mr. Lincoln, must be consulted."
"Then." said the Commodore, "let us - go
to his houso at once," which they did.
Mr. Lincoln said : "Can you stop the
iron clad V The Commodore replied :
"Yes, at least there are nine chances out
of ten I can. I will take my ship, the
C. Vanderbilt, cover her machinery, &c,
with 500 tales of cotton, raise the steam,
and rush her with overwhelming force on
the iron clad, and sink her before she can
'&f3.f fi:v,r tpplo u3." , 3Ir. Lincoln then
said : "Hov much money will you demand
for such a service?" Commodore Van
derbilt repl.ed that . the Government had
not money jnough to hire him ; that he
had not come to speculate upon the trials
of his country, but to try and help her in
this hour of need ; that he would give
them his ship without charge; that he
would instantly order her by telegraph to
be equipped and on her way toward llich
mond in thirty-six hours, which was done,
she sailing under the order of one of his
own captains, and the Commodore in per
son ou board. - .
Having reached Hampton Roads, among
our blockading squadron, Ihe Commander
of the fleet went on board thj ehip. After
some consultation, Commodore Vanderbilt
asked him if the iron clad would probably
come out. The commander replied : "She
will." "Then," said Commodore Van
derbilt, "I have one favor to ask of you,
and that is, if she should come, you will
keep your fleet out of the way, that I
may have room to sink-her." The iron
clad, as i3 well known, did come out, and
was disabled and put back by the Moni
tor, sent from New York. The object
Iving accomplished, Commodore Vander
bilt left his ship and came home, and has
never-asked or received one cent for his
ship, ever since held as Government prop
erty, and which at the moment they took
her was worth fully $1,500,000. Instead
of giving them this sum, he could have
made almost any terms for himself.
Thir- interview with the- President and
Secretary at once enabled them to see
ih?. fhey had in their presence an extra
crtUEary man. Mr. Lincoln said, "Can
you not turn one of your other ships into
an iron-clad ?" "Yes," was the reply, i:I
think I can, and have her ready in six
weeks ; but must first consult my engin
eers and head builders; my price for this
smaller ship will be 8500,000." Mr; Lin
coln turned to Mr. Stanton and said :
"We accept these terms it is a bargain."
Commodore Vanderbilt at ouco gave or
ders to equip this smaller ship, and see if
she was capable for what she was intend
ed. After some time, during which she
had been nearly cased in bar iron, the
Commodore found, to his regret, that he
could not make her what was needed, and
he at ence released the Government from
their contract, and thus relieved his noble
gift from all suspicion of receiving with it
any pecuniary advantage.
These great transactions should be com
memorated on canvas. The historian will
charge himself with, the duty of handing
them down to posterity ; the school books
will contain the account, and the eyes of
children yet unborn will glisten as they
road and reflect upon such true and lofty
patriotism ; which is an invaluable inherit
ance to our country, r.nd should be placed
ou the same shelf with the archives where
are deposited the famous deeds of our most
distinguished men.
; Noble, generous and self-sacrificing as
all this is,- its brilliancy is obscured by the
. absence of all ostentation iu the quiet, re
tiring and unpretending manner in which
the great work was done.
In 1813, the Austrian Government be
ing distressed for money, they went to the
Rothschilds, who granted a loan, probably
as a mere business transaction. So great
was the gratitude of the Emperor that he
created all the brothers of the eminent
house barons, which titles they have since
enjoyed, and to which all Europe consid
ers them entitled. No distinguished citi
zen has ever expressed less desire for no
toriety than Commodore Vanderbilt. No
man has ever conducted large transactions
with a more decided and independent
mind, and no man enjoys a higher repu
tation for gentleness of character, concilia
tion, and princely liberality to those with
whom he contends.
llook JVotices.
Ballou's Monthly Magazine. The
December number of this popular Maga
zine is received. We find it filled with
that charming variety of illustration and
interesting letter-press so well calculated
to keep it at the head of the cheap Maga
zines of the country. Shillaber treats us
to . one of his most musical illustrated po
ems ; Mrs. Edsori close3 her interesting
serial, "A Woman's Error ;" William L.
Williams gives the young folks an exci
ting story, while Jane G. Austin, James
Franklin Fitts, Catharine Earnshaw, W.
II. Macy, N. P. Darling, and several oth
er writers of more or less note furnish
each a capital story or poem. The hu
morous pictures are uncommonly good,
embracing four different subjects, illus
trated by six engravings designed by
Rogers. The publishers announce for
1SG9 a new serial by the charming Miss
Camilla Willian, also an original story for
boys and girls, to run through the year,
by Horatio Alger, Jr., one of the most
popular writers for the young. They also
promise increased attractions in stories
and illustrations for the coming year over
those of any previous one. As their
promises have been more than performed
in the past, we have reason to believe they
will continue to be in the future, though
it. is difficult to see how Ballon cm be
much improved over its present excellence.
It is sent to subscribers at $1.50 per year,
or in clubs at $2.25. Elliott, Thoincs &
Talbot, Publishers, Bostou, Mass.
Watsons' PniLiDEtrniA Business
Directory, rou 1SG9. We call the at
tention of our Merchants to this new and
valuable little work of reference to the
Trade of Philadelphia, and commend its
utility to every merchant buying goods, or
doing business with Philadelphia to the
extent of a thousand dollars a year. It
will contain a classified li.-.t of all the Mer
chants, Manufacturers, and Professional
men of Philadelphia, arranged in system
atic alphabetical order, a well executed
Lithograpic Map cf the City, and views of
the Public Buildings, with other objects
of interest in and around the Quaker City.
In ordering goods, directing correspond
ence, or ascertaining where to obtain any
article of trade, or manufacture, it will be
indispensable to our Merchants. Such a
work is much needed, and its popularity,
and the standing of the publishers, is
vouched for by the Daily Inquirer, Tele
graph, and the leading Daily and Weekly
Press of Philadelphia. Messrs. Watson &
Co., 210 Dock Street, Philadelphia, arc the
Publishers, and will send the work as soon
as issued, by mail, postage prepaid, upon
receipt of One Dollar. Send your subscrip
tions in immediately.
Z ell's Popular Encyclopedia.
We .have received the first number of
Zells' Popular Encyclopedia and Universal
Dictionary of Art, Science, History, Bi
ography, Geography, and Language. This
h really a wonderful production, and the
perusal of it has given us great pleasure
and profit. Wc know of no work con
taining anything like the same amount of
valuable information. The price is mar
vellously low. We cannot see how the
publisher can afford to give so much for
so small a sum as 10 cents. Persons de
siring agencies, and wo think all who try
must do well at it, should address the pub
lisher, Mr. T. Ellwood Zell, Philadelphia.
We understand he sends sample copies to
applicants, gratis.
Young America. This favorite peri
odical enters upon its third year greatly
enlarged and improved. It is decidedly
the most varied, and, in many respects,
the best of all the juveniles, and well re
pays the investment of the small sum re
quired for its possession. A diagram
containing a full-sized pattern for cutting
out the body of a Christmas doll is one of
the attractions of the present number,
which is, otherwise, full of good things.
Subscribe for your boys and girls, $1.50
per annum, with a premium. Publication
Office, 473 Broadway, N. Y.
A confirmed old bachelor uses the fol
lowing argument against matrimony :
Calico is a great promoter of laziness. If
young men wish to accomplish anything
of moment, either with head and hand,
they must keep clear of the institution
entirely. A pair of sweet lips, a pink
waist, swelling chest, a pressure of two
delicate hands, will do as much to unhinge
a man as three fevers, the measles, a large
sized whooping cough, several hydropho
bias and the doctor's bill.
T S R M S I K K AX U!M .
' I $.2.00 IX ADVANCE.
NUMBER 18.
TO'it and Seulliucutr
Motto for Colfax Wade in.
TfiE light of good soc iety Polite.
The "big inj in" of America ingen-uhy.
Men of marc thoio who can't write
their uames.
A little nonsense now and then is rel
ished by the wisest men.
Troubles are like babies they grow
bigger by nursing..
Misery loves company so docs a mar
riageable young woman.
The patient housewife's motto : "It ht
n,ever too late to mend."
An artistic barber in New York charges
one dollar for hair-cutting.
AA hen a man attempts- to benefit the
country, the best way is to abuse him.
A man's wealth and a woman's age can
never bo known accurately till they die.
"Tms is a grave matter," said the med
ical student as he robbed the church
yard.
The French Empress paid the milliner,
with whom she recently quarreled. $20,
000 a year.
Why is a quarrelsome female a good
thing to hang over a well ? Because she
is a wind-lass.
It has been remarked that men who
are very fond of the glass often become
tumblers.
Jones, eulogizing his girl's beauty,
said : "I'll be dogged if she ain't as pur
ty as a red wagon."
An exchange says that self made men,
like other made men, are sometimes very
badly made.
Cut a dog's tail short and he can't wag
it. "Brevity is the soul of wit," but not
of waggery.
The man who courts a young lady in
the starlight probably expects to get a
wife in a twinkling.
Those who respect themselves will be
houorable ; but he who thinks lightly of
himself will be held cheap by all the world.
My yoke is easy and my burden is light,
as the young fellow said when his . girl
was sitting on his lap with her arm arouud
his neck.
Mv Gist is what lies at the doorj my
second is a kind of corn, nvy tmra is wnat
nobody can do without, and my whole is
one of the United States. Alut-ri-mony.
When a lady indulges a yawn or two,
gentlemen are justified in guessing their
hat is needed on their heads, and that tho
best side of the door is the outside.
' A lawyer on his death bed willed all
his property to a lunatic asylum, stating as
his reason for so doing, that he wished
his property to return to the liberal class
of people that had patronized him. .
At a Methodist meeting a singer who
led the psalm tune, finding that his con
cluding word, Jacob, had not syllables
enough to fill up the music adequately,
ended thus : "J-a-a-a-fol-de-riddle-cob."
"My dear," said an anxious matron to
her daughter, "it is very wrong for young
people to be throwing kisses at each oth
er." "Why so, mamma ? I'm sure they
don't hurt, even if they do hit."
It is said that there arc people in the
"mountain district" of Kentucky so green
that they followed a wagon that happened
to pass that way twenty miles, "just to see
whether the hind wheels would overtake
the fore ones."
Dit. Deems says, ""the gate of the grave
is so narrow that slender ghosts do barely
struggle through, and houses and lands
and coffins and shroud and bodies arc all
torn off, and the soul is naked on the
other side."
Qui nn was one day lamenting that ho
grew old, when a shallow, impertinent
young fellow said to him, "What would
you give to be as young as I am?" "By
the powers," replied Quinn, 'T would sub
mit to be almost as foolish."
A youxg man, who recently fell in lovo
with a very beautiful young lady, says
that when he ascertained last evening that
she reciprocated his passion, he felt as
though he was sitting on the roof of a
meeting-house
Jewsharp.
and
every
shingle
was a
A laiiy who had read of the extensive
manufacture of odometers to tell how far
a carriage had been run, said she wished
some Connecticut genius would invent an
instrument to tell how far hu-bnnds had
been iu the evening when they jast step
down to the Post-office.
Two friends wcro dining together, ono
of whom remarked, "as I 'am ging abroad,
I have made my will, andhr.re bequeathed
to you my whole stock H' impudence."
The other replied, "yv.i are generous as
well as kind; you have bequeathed to mo
far the largest portion of your estate."
A farmer, who was sympathizing with
his neighbor Jones on the death of his
son, said :
"You should remember, Mr. Jonc3, there
is no loss without some gain. John, you
remember, was always a monstrous eater."
"I know he was," responded the be-
i reaved parent "but to think he was kid
I up all the winter, and died just in haying
time is pretty tougn, ncignDor uenk-ins,
pretty tough."
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