I M"""
"7TnKER, Editor and Proprietor.
I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT THAN PRESIDENT. Henry Clay
i. l it m o . 91M 1N ADVANCE.
fob"
Volume 4
-
TTZFoV POST OFFICES.
Vat Ojiccs
,-hel Station
Enoch Reese, Blacklick.
William M.Jones, Carroll.
Danl. Litzinger, Chest.
A. G. Crooks, Taylor.
Wm. W. Young, Washint'n.
'si Springs,
easburg. lri,,,ncnn White
John Thompson, hoensourg.
'Timber, jsmi. iu. , -------
.Hum,
Ym Tiler. Jr.. Washt'n.
J. -i . I . Ill 12 l ) " - - -
I. E. Chandler, Jounst'wn.
M. Adlesberger, Loretto.
E. Wissinger, Conem'gh.
A. Durbin, Munster.
Andrew J Ferral, Susq'han.
iaitown,
hetto,
aeral Point.
bsti-r,
ttsvihc,
. X
a. W. Bowman, V hue.
, Augustine,
VTm. Ryan, Sr.,
George Conrad,
B. M'Colgan,
n V Slick.
Clearfield.
lip Level,
Richland.
Washt'n.
Ornrl f
famieruill,
vfoo M. Gillespie. Washt'n.
-
Morris Keil, . . S'merhill
.liaore,
f UrBCHES, MINISTERS. &C.
Trntottr ian Key. u. ha.b, . Vni
eaching every umu -
'k and in the evening ai w
h School at 1 o'clock, A. M. Prayer meet
Thiirsdav eveninc at 6 o clock. .
Mhodut Episcopal Church Rev. J. S. Lem-
t Preacher in cnarge. xvc. .
'' , . o..v,v.l) allornntplr
mi. Freacning every ....v.-.-.,
101 o'clock in the morning, or 7 in the
aver meeting every Thursday evening, .
clrCF' r..n.nf TIf.v Ll. R. Powell,
'tnr Preachine every Sabbath morning at
the erenine at 6 o clock.
Lbbath School at 1 o'clock. P. M. Prayer
Le:inz on the first Monday evening oi eucu
fcontb: and on every Tuesday, Thursday and
ridav evening, excepting me uui,
idi month. .
(arBttWc Miihodist Rev. Johs Williams,
iitor.-rreaching every Sabbath evening at
and 6o clock, babbata ccnooi ai i-
..M. Pmyer meeting every Friday evening,
7 o'clock. Society every Tuesday evening
7 o'clock. ,
i):.nrj TJptt. W. TjLotd. Pastor. Preach-
;revery Sabbath morning at 10 o'clock.
Purl.fular linn lists 1EV.
riitor. Preaching every atJDala ereuiug
. F : - .
j'dock. sabbatb Scnool at awo ciuta., x . .
Catholic Rkv. M. J. Mitchell, Pastor.
rrirp, nvcrv Sabbath morning at 10$ o'clock
LlTesper3 at 4 o'clock in the evening.
.EBEXSI1URG ItlAIES.
MAILS ARRIVE.
IEs!tcmj daily, at 10$ o'clock, A. M.
Western. 14 at 10 o'clock, A. M.
MAILS t-LUSfc.
Eastern, dailv. at 8 o'clock, F. M.
I Western, " at 8 o clock, f. M.
t5Tiio mails frftitl T? II
tler.Indiana.Strong?-
own, &c, arrive on Thursday of each week,
its o'clock, P. M.
Leave Ebensburg on Friday oi eacu weea.,
I at 8 A.M.
KThmU from Newman's Mills, Car-
Iroiltown, &c, arrive on Monday, Wednesday
lad Friday of each week, at o o ciocs, i .
Leave Ebenaburg on Tuesdays, Thursdays
isd Saturdays, at 7 o'clock, A. M.
RAILROAD SCHEDULE.
CRESSON STATION
st Bait. Express leaves at
7.58 A. M.
9.11 P. M.
7.58 P. M.
7.58 P. M.
12.27 P. M.
.58 A. M.
9.29 A. -V
8.21 A, M
8.25 P. M
7.30 P. M
6.30 A. M.
8.00 A. M .
" fast Line
" Mail Train
Eai! Through ExpreBS
" l ast Line
u Fast Mail
- Through Accora.
Wit AlhUP. STATTftV
fff:t-Balt. Express leaves at
Mail Train "
Ea-v-Through Express "
i mi :.iaii
" Through Accom.
COL'KTY OFFICERS.
Jed'tet of lh Cnurt Prpsidnt. Hon. Geo.
.- - J
Jywr, Huntingdon ; Associates, George W.
ley, Henry C. Devine.
Prothonotary Joseph M'Donald.
Rtgister and Recorder 'Edward F. Lytic.
Sheriff John Buck.
District --ifforiKy.Philip S. Noon.
County Commissioners James Cooper, Pe
t J. Little, John Campbell.
Tnamrcr Thoma3 Callin.
Poor II a ant Tit William Trlir1Ba
George Delariy, Irwin Rutlcdge.
roor jiause Treasurer George C. K. Zahm.
Auditor Thomas J- Nelaon, William J.
!liaui3, George C. K. Zahm.
County Surveyor. Henry Scanlan.
Coroner. -James Shannon.
Mtrcantile Ar.araixer Geo. W. Easlv.
Sup't. of Common Schools nenry Ely.
EBEXSBURG DOR. OFFICERS.
ROBOCOH AT LARGE.
Jmicet of the Peace. David n. Roberts
'Tison Kinkead.
turjut James Myers.
School Directors Ael Lloyd, Phil S. Noon,
Joshua D. Parrish, Hugh Jones, E. J. Mills,
W J. Jones.
EAST WARD.
ConttalleEv&ii E. Evans,
j, '' Council John. J. Evans, Thomas J.
rion' Jhn w Roberts John TbomrSODJ
fforWiHiam D- Davis, L. Rodgers.
Judge of Election Darnel J. Davis.
wior--Lemuel Davis.
. WEST WARD. "
omablell. M. O'Neill.
m Council R. S. Bunn, Edward Glass,
lJamaA Blair' Jobn D' Thomas George W.
htpectort William Barnes Jno. H. Evans
JSt f Election yiich&el Haeaou.
Aur George Gurley.
TV lieu Tills Cruel War Is Over.
Dearest love, do you remember,
When we last did meet,
How you told me that you loved me,
Kneeling at my feet?
Oh 1 how proud you stood before me,
In your suit of blue,
When you vowed to me and country
Ever to be trus.
Chorus. Weeping, sad and lonely,
Hopes and fears how vain !
Yet praying
When this cruel war is over,
Praying that we meet again.
When the summer breeze i3 sighing
Mournfully along,
Or when autumn leaves are falling,
Sadly breathes the song.
Oft in dreams I see thee lying
On the battle plain,
Lonely, wounded, even dying,
Calling, but in vain.
If, amid the din of battle,
Nobly you should fall,
Far away from those who love you,
None to hear you call
Who would whisper words of comfort,
Who would soothe yuor pain?
Ah I the many cruel fancies
Ever in my brain.
But our country called.you, darling,
Angels cheer your way ;
While our nation's sons are fighting,
We can only pray.
Nobly strike for God and Liberty,
Let all nations see
How we love the starry banner,
Emblem of the free.
Queer
Candidate Tor
Membership.
Cliurcli
:01d Steve' or "Lying Steven," as he
was familiarly called, by virtue cf a
strong original genius, and an indefatiga
ble perseverance and application, bad ac
quired the reputation ol being the greatest
liar that ever existed in the State of -Wherever
he made his appearance, there
fore, at muster or training, he was sure to
be surrounded by a host of eager listeners.
He greatly excelled 'the renowned Mun
chausen, who simply told extravagant
stories, and sometimes blundered on the
truth. Steve, on the other hand, never
told a word of? truth, even by mistake, in
all his life, and lied circumstantially and
in every particular. In short, it camo to
him as naturally as eating and drinking,
or rather as breathing, for he not only
lied to listeners, but when he had no other
person to lie to, he would tell lies to him
self, just to keep his hand in. This fact
was ascertained beyond any doubt by his
denying it in the most solemn manner
when somebody accused him of the prac
tice. . . ;
lfc was Mr. Stevens' misfortune, one time
to lose a good deal of money on a horse
race. This made him feel uncommonly
serious; so he went to a camp-mecting,
which was held about five miles from his
residence, to. sec if he couldn't make up
a little by "shaking props" with the boys.
They happened, however, to be too much
for him that time, and he was completely
cleaned out. This made him, if possible,
feel more serious than ever, and ao there
happened to be a powerful preacher who
could make himself heard at the distance
of a mile, he thought he would turn over
a new leaf at once. . When he got home,
therefore, the first thing he did was to
send for a minister. The "worthy man
came, and to his extreme amazement,
found that Stevens wanted to join the
church. . .
"1 have no hcs-itation in laying your
proposition before the brethren," said the
good old man trying to smother a laugh.
"Of course you haven't," responded
Steve with great confidence.
"And if you could give satisfactory
evidence of amendment, Mr. Stevens,"
continued the minister, emphasizing the
word, "they might take you on probation,
at any rate, we have a meeting to-night
and I can let you know to-morrow."
"Probation be d dogged !" ejaculated
Steve, as the mini-stcr hastily retreated,
"why can't they let me join at once while
I feel liko it V .
The proposition, as might have been
expected, created a real sensation. There
was hardly a member of the church, male
or female, who had not, at sometime or
other, been victimized by Stevens' slander
ous tongue, and they could hardly hear
hi3 name with patience. Some of them
wnf so far as to sav if he ioined thev
would leave; and that settled the matter,
for they were among the "lorenanaea mem
bers," who could afford to speak out be
cause the church couldn't afford to lose
them.
However, to avoid any troubk with an
unscrupulous fellow like Steve, H was re
EBENSBURG, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST 18. 1863.
solved to break the matter as gently as
possible. Two of the most respectable
men in the church were appointed to call
upon him, and it was generally understood
that such was their known mildness of
disposition, that every possible excuse con
sistent with truth would be made for not
receiving him.
The rest of the story must be told in
Steve's own words :
"When old Deacon Peabody came along
I sot in the back door whitlin' a hoe han
dle, and I hope to suffer if I wasn't mad
enough to rare right up. A cousin of my
wife's, whose sister was a member, had
come over airly, and told us all about it.
" 'Good mornin', Mr. Stevens says the
old hypocrite, with a face as long as a yard
of pump water.
"I said nothin', but kept on whitlin.
" 'I came do-wn to see you this morn
ing" says he.
"Well," says I, "how do you like my
looks?" -
" 'Oh says he, 'what I mean i3, that I
came down to labor with you
"Work away, then, why don't you?' was
all he got out of tne.
"Bttt, Mr. Stevens," said he very sol
emnly, "the church sent me down here
to talk with you a minute."
"Well, you've been talkin' for more'n
five minutes, Deacon Peabody," said I,
"aud you've said nothing yet ; now, when
are you goin' to begin ?"
The old Israelite looked almost mad
enough to bite my head off at a suap ; but
he tho't it best to keep cool, so he drew a
long breath and went on :
".Nobody wants to hurt your feelings or
make any trouble, Mr. Stevens; but the
church have come to the conclusion that,
perhaps, on the whole, under the circum
stance and in view of everything, it
might possibly be best all around, and
taking all things into consideration, for
you not to be hasty in applyin' jist at
present. They think on mature reflection
that it might be as well if you'd conclude
to postpone it a little while, say a year or
eighteen months."
"They dew ? . Wall, now, Deacon, what
makes 'em think so ? The church ain't
full, is it?"
"This was a hard question. The old
sarpint knew very well that it wouldn't
answer to eay he didn't know, for he knew
fast enough and knew that I knew he
did. So says he
' "Mr. Stevens, I'm sorry you're so riled
about it you've no occasion I didn't
come to oflend you, but you know as well
as I do, why the church won't accept
you."
"If I knew I wouldn't ask "you .to tell
me, Deacon Peabody."
"Wall," says he, "don't you know what
large stories vou're in the habit of tel
ling?" " ,
"Who says I tell large stories ?" says I;
"it ain't the truth, and yeu can't prove it
ain't. Now ain't it a shame, Deacon, for
a man like you to go round scandalizin' a
neighbor that way 7 What story did you
ever hear of mine that wasn't true? Come,
lay your finger on the first story, and I
won't say another word."
"Why, there's so many on 'em," an
swered the deacon, "that it's a'most im
possible to specify any one in particular.
But now I think on it ; don't you remem
ber that 6tory you told about your father's
bein' killed by a bear ?"
"My father s bein killed by a bear 7
ys 1; "there it is now! That is jist the
says
way
It's an untruth like the rest
on em
and you ought to be ashamed,
Deacon I'eabody, to be runnin rouud town,
tellin' things that ain't so !"
"Well, said he pretty short, "you ve
made them 'ere observations about often
enough ; if you didn't t?ay your father
was tilled by a bear, what was it you did
SOT f
mi
"I'll tell vou. I . said that
father was
sheep into
no story,
one of the first men to bring
this 'ere town, and that is
is it."
"No' dd he, "it ain't."
"And one day I said that he lost one
of them 'ere sheep in the woods; and that
is likely, if it ain't true and when he
was lookiu' for it, I said he came across a
bear. The bear growled at dad, and dad
hollered at the bear, and finally the beast
came at him, and tore all his inside out,
and then your father, Deacon Peabody,
who was a respectable man, sir, and never
would 'agone about town scandalizin' his
neighborsyour father heard my father
holler, and came up, and seein' how mat
ters stood, ran for the doctor." .
"When the doctor came, the fast thing
that he done was to catch a sheep and cut
its insides out, and put them in the place
of dad's, and I never said dad was killed
by bearl No, sir! I told the naked
truth I said, he grew as well as ever . he
was, except that he hankered after hay all
winter and hud, wool enough grown
to wake him an overcoat la the spring.
You don't call that a large story, I hope.
If you won't let a feller jine the church
because he tells the truth, you won't find
many decent members, I guess !" .
"The old man riz rite straight and
walked away without sayin'. another word.
What he thought I never could learn, fcr
the old christian hain't opened his head
to me since."
Democratic Axioms.
Nobody has a right to be President ex
cept a pro-Elavery Democrat. YTc have
no Government when the people elect from
any other party.
Whenever a State becomes dissatisfied
with any act of the Federal Government,
it can secede at will, and it is a violation
of the Constitution to coerce it into sub
mission. Andrew Jackson violated the Constitu
tion when he coerced Calhoun and his
compeers into submission to the Federal
Laws in 1832.
Wigfall and others had a perfect right
to fire on Fort Sumter. The Federal
Jovernment is violating che Constitution
in resenting the insult.
The Constitution as we interpret it, and
the Union as it was when Davis, Toombs,
Thompson and Floyd controlled it.
Lincoln is not President of the United
States, and we owe no allegiance to his
Administration.
It is unconstitutional to arrest anybody
who is aiding and abetting the Southern
Confederacy.
Stephen A. Douglas was a fool for as
serting "that every man must be for the
United States or against it. There can be
no" neutrals in this war only patriots and
traitors."
Jeff. Davis is a high toned, chivalrous
gentleman, and Abe Lincoln a negro wor
shiper, and a low, mean Yankee.
Ben Butler is a beast.
C. L. Vallandigham is a polished states
man and a pure patriot.
The Union can be restored only through
the agency of the glorious old Democratic
party.
Abe Lincoln is an imbecile, and ought
to be impeached.
Slavery must exist, if the Union is dis
solved. It is unconstitutional to vote any other
than the Democratic ticket.
Everybody is an abolitionist who is in
favor of suppressing the rebellion.
An Accommodating Judge. Judge
II , of - Missouri, was an accommoda
ting man, but he would drink more than
was beneficial for his head, or the bench
upon which he sat.- On one occasion,
after his appointment, business called him
to Liberty, aud while there, meeting with
many of his old associates at the bar, he
got into a convivial mood, which lasted
several days, and on going out he looked
rather worse for wear. In" crossing the
river at Owen's Landing, there was a boat
discharging freight, and in great haste
for fear that another boat would pass that
just hove in sight. ' '
The clerk sang out :
"I say, old man can't you lend the men
a hand in taking off that furniture?
I will pay you well for doing so, and dou
ble filly in the bargain."
"Oh, ys," said the judge always ready
to help in time of need.
"Then turu in and be quick,"- said the
clerk.
The first thing was a marble-top bureau.
In going off the plank the judge slipped,
and the clerk reared put :
"There now, throw that into the river,
will jou?"
"Certainly," said the judge, and giving
a kick with the order, overboard it went.
"Ilelloa ! what is that for ?" said the
clerk. '
"1' always obey orders when I work for
a man," slid the judge.
"Leave," said the clerk.
"Agreed," said the judge.
"Who is that man ?" said the clerk.
".That is Judge H , of the fifth Ju
dicial District of Missouri," 3aid a by
stander. : "Let go that line !" cried the clerk, and
the boat put into the stream at its highest
rato of speed. .
gay A correspondent writing of the late
assault on fort Wagner says : One of the
colored soldiers who had faithfully stood
at his post, and refused to fall back when
the rebels drove in our pickets, was after
wards brought into our lines. The rebels
not content with" having murdered bim,
had cut both his ears off and scalped him.
As his comrades looked upon this hideous
sight they grit their teeth and swore never
to take another prisoner ; and I cau assure
you that the rebels will find that the 54th
will retaliate in this case with out waiting
for special or general orders, - .
Got a Supper.
A few months since, a man who Cilled
himselt a conjuror, entered a tavern in a
country town, and asked the company who
were assembled in the bar room if they
would like to witness one of his tricks.
The fellow looked cold and hungry, so the
landlord gave assent, and stated that he
knew a few tricks himself, and had seen
a great many wonderful ones.
The conjuror then requested the compa
ny to place three hats upon the table,
which being done, he desired the landlord
to bring a loaf of bread, and the stranger
cut three pieces of nearly half a pound
each, and placed one upon each hat. He
then stated that he could do the trick
much more comfortably to himself if he
had three pieces of cheese. The cheese
being brought, he cut three good sized
pieces, and placed one by each piece of
bread. Now was the grand trick. The
conjurer turned up the cuffs of hi3 coat,
took off his necktie, and unbuttoned his
shirt collar, and stated that he would now
proceed to eat the three pieces of bread
and afterward bring all under one hat.
He commenced eating the bread and
cheese, and after eating two pieces, could
not proceed with the third and finish the
trick, unless he had something to drink.
The landlord, wishing the wonderful trick
to proceed for the amusement of his cus
tomers, immediately proceeded to give the
fellow a quart of ale, and the third piece
of bread and cheese soon followed the first
two pieces. Now the grand trick was to
be disclosed, and the landlord and his
companions anxiously waited to see it.
The conjuror sail, "Now, gentlemen,
which hat shall I bring the bread and
cheese under?"
The landlord pointed out his hat, wish
ing it to take part in the trick as well as
his bread aud cheese. It being so arranged,
the conjuror said, "Gentlemen, I have
eaten the bread and cheese, and now I
will bring it under the landlord's hat," and
he immediately placed the hat on his head
and continued, "now you will perceive that
it is under the hat, without any decep
tion."
There were shouts of laughter from all
the company except the landlord, who was
minus three pieces of bread and a quart
of ale.
The fellow left the house without ma
king a collection of the company, he being
satisfied with the landlord's generosity.
A Score of Impolite Things. 1.
Loud and boisterous laughing.
2. Reading when others are talking.
3. Reading aloud in company, without
being asked.
4. Talking when others arc reading.
5. Spitting about the house, smoking or
chewing.
G. Cutting finger nails Tn company.
7. Leaving a church before public wor
ship is closed.
8. Whispering or laughing in the house
of God.
9. Gazing rudely at strangers.
10. Leaving a stranger without a seat,
in church or elsewhere.
11. A want of respect and reverence
for seniors.
12. Correcting older persons thanyour-
1 self, especially parents.
13. Receiving .a present without any
expression of gratitude.
14. Making yourself the hero of your
own story.
15. Laughing at the "mistake of others.
1G. Joking of others in company.
17. Commencing talking before others
have finished speaking.
IS. Answering questions that have been
put to others.
19. Commencing to eat as soon as you
get to the table ; and
20. In not listening to what one is
saying unless you desire to show open
contempt for the speaker. A well bred
person will not make an observation, while
another of the company is addressing him
self to it.
Scene in the Patent Democrat
Office. The following almost to the
letter, lately transpired in the office down
street:
Subscriber I want you to stop my
paper.
Editor Your paper is paid up about
two months yet
Subscriber I don't care how long its
paid for 1 want you to stop it.
Editor What's wrong? why do you
wish your paper stopped ?
Subscriber Why, sir, when I want a
a d d secession sheet, I'll send for the
Richmond Enquirer.
Exit Subscriber.
Whereupon, rumor says, the editor sat
down and wrote an editorial thattking the
public for a large increase to his subscrip
tion list. Leicisiown Gazette.
IIow lie
NUMBER 46.
Editing A Paper.
If the paper contains too much political
matter, people won't have it.
If it contains too little, they don't want
it.
If the type is large, it don't contain' ,
enough reading matter.
If the typo is email, people can't read
it.
If we publish telegrams, people say they
are nothing but lies.
If we omit them, they say we have no
enterprise, or suppress them for political
effect.
If we have in a few jokes, folks say we
are nothing but a rattle head.
If we omit jokes, they say we are an old
fossil.
If we publish original matter, they find
faalt with us for not giving selections. '
If we publish selections, folks say we are
lazy for not writing more, and giving them
what they have not read before ia soar
other paper.
If we give a man complimentary noti
ces, we are censured for being partial.
-If we do not, all hands say we are
greedy hog.
If we insert; an article which please thV
ladies, the men become jealous.
If we do not cater to their wishes, thV -
paper is not nt to have in the house.
If we attend chursb,.they say it is only ."
for effect.
If we do not, they denounco us as de- -ceitful
and desperately wicked.
If we speak well of any act of the
President, folks say we dare not do other
wiet. If we censure, they call U3 a traitor.
If we remain in the office and attend to ,
our business, we are too proud to mingle
with our fellows.
If we go out, we never attend to our
business.
If we do not pay all bills promptly, folks
say we are not to be trusted.
If we do pay promptly, they swear wo -stole
the money.
If we wear poor clothes, they say busi- -ness
is poor.
If we weart good ones, they say we are
a spendthrift.
Now, what is a poor fellow to do ?
Hebrew Names with English Ac--cents.
Some young ladies who had been
attending an evening party, desired td"
return home, but had no male attendant.
The master of the house requested his son'
to accompany them, and made use of y
scripture name. What was. it ?
Jereboam Jerry, beau 'em.
Jerry proving reluctant, the gentleman
desired another son to act as escort. What
scripture name did. he utter?
Lemuel Lem, you will. ;
Still there was a difficulty, and a" like
request was made in a similar manner to
another son. Wrhatwasit? . ' .
Samuel Sam, you will.
Samuel having consented, the parfy took
their seats in a sleigh for the purpose of
going home. It was found, there was '
plenty room for one more... What scrip
ure name "did the old gentleman use
to induce another sou to accompany the.
guests ?
Benjamin Ben, jam in.
The driver was requested to start iu
another scripture name. WThat was it.
Joshua Jos, away.
When the sleigh was fairly eff, it was
discovered that oue of the young ladies
had been left behind. There was no pos
sibility of recalling her companions, so the
old gentleman asked still another of his
sons to condole the young lady for her
disappointment. What was the last scrip
ture name used!
Ebenezer Eben, ease her.
Bfc, "Women will bo pure if men be
true. Young men, this great result abides
with you- If you would but 6ee how
beautiful a flower grows upon the stock of
self-denial, you would give this plant the
honor it deserves. If it seems hard and
homely, despise it not, for in it sleeps the
beauty of heaven and the breath of angels.
If you do not witness the glory of its blos
soming during the day of life, its petals
will open when the night of death 'cornea
to gladden your closing eye with thoir
srrateful berftime. .
now Td Kiss. WThen you go kiss,
first grasp with haste around the waist,
and hug her tight to thee ; and then she'll
say "Do go way do, won't you let me
be ?" Then, O, what bliss ! but never
miss so good a chance as that ; then make
a dash, as quick as flash, and Georgia
hold my hat.
gg&The true way of reaching the right
is through the heart of wrong; he whu
goes around it fiads but the other side of
wrong, and the wrong side of right,
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