Newspaper Page Text
HOLSlXGEtt & IIUTC1IIXSOX,
I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT THAN PRESIDENT. Hknrv Clay.
LIST OF lOST OFFICES.
Post Ojices. 1'ost Matters. Districts.
IVim .'reek, Joseph Graham, Yodcr.
littlivl ."M ation, Jo.-ih .S Mar. lis, 151.x klick.
C.irrolltuwu, U.'itjaiuiii Wirtuer, fi roll.
I'liess lanl. Lit.inger, Chest.
Creadon, John J. Troxell, Washint'n.
KiK-iiihurj. M. U. M'Cauc, Ebensburg.
I'.i'.ku Tiiaber, Isaac Thompson, White.
U tllitiiu, I- M. Christy, Gallitzin.
('.on Council, Joseph (Jill, Chest,
lk-uiloik, Wiu. MGough, Washt'n.
John-town, H. A. Bog.s, Johnst'wn.
i.orctto, Wm. (iwinn, Loretto.
MiiuT.tl Point, E. Wissinger, Conem'gh.
Minister, A. Durhin, Minister.
I Pershing, Francis Clement, Conem'gh.
IM.ittscille, An drew J. t erra! Susi'hau.
K.isi-laa.l, tr. W. Bowman, White.
St. Augustine, Joseph Moyer, CleHrheld.
Sr;i!p Level, (Jeorge Conrad, Richland.
SoiHu.iu, I. M'Colgan, Waht'n.
S'jmiii. rliill, Wm. Murray, Croyle.
Summit, Miss M. Gillespie Washt'n.
Wilm.jre, Andrew Beck, S'luruerhill.
C Sai'RCIICS, 3I1XISTERS, &C.
i'reterinn Rev. D. Harbison-, Pastor.
I'reaclitng every Sabbath morning at 10J
o'clock, ami in the evening at 2 o'clock. JSab
fj.irh School at 1 o'clock, P. M. Prayer meet
ing every Thursday evening at C o'clock.
M-tU itlist Episcopal Church Rev. J. Shane,
Preacher in charge. Rev J. M. Smith, As-si.-t.mt.
Preaching every Sabhath, alternately
..t luA o'clock iu the morning, or 7 in the
'viuiiig. Sabbath School at 1) o'clock, A. M.
i'rner meeting every Thursday evening at 7
tC ( IncK.
Wrick Independent Rev. Ll. R. Powell,
itor. Preaching every Sabbath morning at
.ii o clock, ana in tne evening ai o o ciock.
S.il.h.ith School at 1 o clock, P. M. Praver
li t iing on the tirst Monday evening of each
Li;i'.!i ; and on every Tuesday, xhursday
r rniay evening, excepting uie. nrsi wees,
ii each month.
K'.'c 3letlidist Rev. Joiix Williams,
il'iii,ir. Preaching everv Sabbath evening at
: and 0 o'clock. Sabbath School at 10 o'clock,
Vt 7 o'cl-jck. Society everv Tuesday evening
.t 7 o'clock.
IKmyhs Rev. Wm. Lloyd, Pastor Preach
ig -vri ,- Sabbath morning at li o'clock.
I'j. !..( JJ.uixts Rkv. David Jenkins,
i'u.tur. IVi-aching every Sabbath evening at
u i lo. k. .Sabbath School at 1 o'c'o' k, P. M.
('!', Uf.v. M. J. Mitchell. Pastor.
r-rvlces every Sabbath morning at 10$ o'clock
i 1 Vespers at 4 o'clock in the evening.
EnEX.SRL'KG 32 AILS.
asti rn. dailv. at 121 o'clock, A. M.
I'torn, daily, at Ci o'cloc k. A. M
e-u-rn. at U " A. M
rri.Tl: Mails freni Butlcr.Indiana.Strongs-
iv ii, c. arrive on Tuesday and Friday of
.'it vv A, at 5 o'clock, P. M.
LtMve Ebenslmrg on Mondays and Thnrs
; s. at 7 o'clock, A. M.
CThe Mails from Newman's Mills, Car
iltovvn. &c., arrive on Monday and Friday of
' U week, at 3 o'clock, P. M.
Leave Kbcnsburg on Tuesdays and Satur
yi. at 7 o'clock, A. M.
EPS. Post Orlice open on Sundays from 0
U o'clock, A. M.
RAILRO ll) Sni:lL.E.
T'e t Express Train, leaves at
0.45 A. M.
8.4 P. M.
8.24 P. M.
10.00 A. M.
6.30 A. M.
t ist Evpress Train, "
Mail Train, "
Fast Line. "
Judges nf the. Courts. President, Hon. Geo.
ivlor, Huntingdon ; Associates, GeorgeW.
t.-Uy, Richard Jones, Jr.
I'rulhonotary. Joseph M 'Donald.
Clerk to I'rotltoin'tary. Hubert A. M'Coy.
K'lis'er and Uf order. Miclocl Hasson.
U-puty Rejister and Recorder. John Scan-
Shrnfr. Robert P. Linton.
J--jiiy Sheriff. George ('. K. Zahm.
J)iiteiet Atl-j, ,ie. Pliilia S. Noon.
I'miHti Commissioners. John Bearer, Abel j
ovd, Davi 1 T. Storm.
Clerk to Cuimnissiurirr. George C. K. Zahm.
Counsel to Commissioners. John S. lihey.
Treasurer. George J. Rodger s.
l'uor Ifotise J)irrct:r. William Palmer,
ivid O'llarro. Michael M'Guire.
J'oor JIjiisc Treasurer. George C. K. Zahm.
four lipase Steward. James J. Kaylor.
M'-rem ttile Ai'i'ruiser. Thomas M'Connell.
Anl,trs. lieca J. Lloyd, Daniel Cobaugh,
I'-unty Surveyor. Henry Seaiilan.
('"Timer. Peter Dougherty.
SrirrintendiHl of Common Schools. S. B.
REXSRURC HOR. OFFICERS.
Justices of the Peace. David II. Robert,
Jiunjess. John D. Hughes.
Tvicn Council. Andrew Lewis, Joshua D.
'rrish, David Lewis, Richard Jones, Jr., M.
f'l'rk to Council. .Trtmt-i C. Nook.
Hnrough Treasurer. (Seorge Gurley.
We'ujh Masters. Davis II Llovd.
Sel,;ol Directors. M. C. M'Cague,
fkir. Thomaa M. Jones, Reese S.
;ir,i (ilass, William Davis.
Treasurer of School Jloard. Evan Morgan.
Con,ti,r,. ( ; eo rge ( ; u rl ey .
Tii Collector. George Gurley.
Auejr. Richard T. Davis.
J'hIj, f Election. .David J. Jones.
V'cfor.-David H. Roberts, Daniel O.
EBENSBURG, PA., THURSDAY, JANUARY
Tlie Hons of Uie Survivor.
Where is the form of girlish mould,
Under the spread of the branches old,
At the well-known trvsting tree :
With the sunset lightinc her tresses of r0i,i I
v j o 7;
And the breezes wr.viug them fold upon fold, j
aiung for me ?
Where is the sweet voice with cadence deep,
Of one that singeLh our babe to sleep,
And often turns to see
How the stars thro' the lattice begin to peep,
And watches the lazy dial creep,
Waiting for me ?
Long since those locks are laid i' the clay,
Long since that voice hath passed away,
On earth no more to be ;
But stijl in the spirit-world afar
She is the dearest of those that aro
Waiting for me.
TUC LUCKET ;
THE RACE FOA HUSBAND.
FROM THE YANKEE PRIVATEEB.
Tliere never was such a romp aa myself,
yd I was a lLitlebit of .i iliing, ever rc:icly
to "vanish iuto thin air" when the Ortho
dox minister called, or Aunt Emma elud
ed me for some misdemeanor, or pa suid,
"Come Fan, slop that misch'ef and put
on a sober face."
I always had a strange antipathy to the
"masculine gender," which my mothei
sagely remarked would end in my utter
ruin, for who would ever take a fancy to
such a fly-away for a wife ? As for pa,
he always said I never could stop long
enough to get married.
I always told the folk, however, that I
should be ma; ried wlieu I found time, and
that I had my future husband's miniature.
A miniature, iu fact, I had. When but
a child, I was playing in a little grove,
when 1 espied a chain glistening in the
euubcanid. I drew it from its hiding
place, and found a locket attached to it,
which sprang open by my accidentally
touching the spring, revealing the portrait
of a little boy, about my own age, who
looked so roguish at me out ol his deep
blue eyes, and had such a sweet, mischie
vous smile, that I danced with delight,
and ran home with glee to show my moth
er the treasure I had lound. 1 always
wore this miniature around my neck, and
when any one jested with me about get
ting married, i would laughingly show
them the locket, which I said contained
my future husband's miniature.
As I was quite an cuesti ian, my fathe.
bought me, whcfPl was old enough to ride
alone, a little black pony; aud we, that is
the pony and I, used to go racing over
the hills and plains. Pa used to say I
looked like some wild gipsey. CJencially
I took one particular road, which seemed
more pleasant thau all the rest of Fairy
nook. There was another, however, run
ning paraleil to it for a mile or two, and
at crossiug these two met, and then ran off
iu opposite directions.
It used to be my favorite route to take
one of these until 1 had reached the cross
ing, and then the other load and soaround
One fine morning I set out, thinking I
would have a good ride before the rest of
the family were awake. Jick was very
imnatient until I was fairly seated, when
he sped away like lightning, niy hair fly- j
in"- anu Duk s mane waving in ine oreee.
'While I was going at this rate, Dick
suddenly stopped short and turned his
head to the opposite load. I looked up
to see what was the matter, when, to my
great amazement, I saw a tull manly fig
ure coming my way, scaled on a jet-black
horse. Now for a race, thought 1. Dick
l.ntf.l nwav at the word. 1 knew it 1
could reach the crost-ing first 1 should I
win. When I gained it, I gave a g'.rncc !
behind to see that my youth had not come ;
in sight, then reigned in my pony behind '
a clump of trees and shrubbery where we j
always stopped to lest in the cool slnde. !
Soon mv chamiv'on made his appearance, 1
and halted, looked up and down the road
bewildered, to sec what became of me;
tli en beudinir his eves to the ground, he
vainly tried to discover my pony's foot-j
After turning his horse around at least
half a dozen times in a very laughable
manner, the stranger came to the conclu
sion, I suppose, that I had not reached the
crossing, for he had turned down my road
as if to meet me. I could see hiiu quite
plainly as he passed, and made the inter
esting discovery that lie was a tall, hand
some man, of about twenty-four.
I also discovered a merry twinkle iu his
C3res and a roguish smile, that looked ex
tremely natural to me, and made me al
most think Ihad seen him before. I
waited until ho was fairly out of sight,
then bounding from my hiding-place I
crossed over to his road and started back
with laihoad speed. I soon saw him on
the oiher road and he saw me as quickly.
I could not help giving him a hearty
laugh .it his s.stonishment, which he ans
wered by dofiing his hat, wilh an air that
seemed to wy, "You've caught me this
time, but will hardly do so again." I
ffcw thought I had fun enough for one
morning, s Dick and I hastened home.
When we arrived, lather came to help
me. Giing me a glance, he burst out
into a loud laugh at my disordered cos
tume. I rau up the steps and was soon
in my owp room, and Liking a peep at
the mirror, I could not myself help laugh
ing at my wild appearance. Aly Ji air was
all over my eyes, my hat on one side, iu
lingers peeping out from my gloves, my
collar uuiasicued and dangling down ray
back. As I met father and mother at
brcakf.ist, tlicy told me that I must, sober
down a little, for Colonel Frederick
Parkes was going to call, and they wished
me to be in readiness to welcome him. I
had heard a great deal about Col. Parkes,
but had never met him.
"Welcome a colonel ! its preposterous !"
thought I. and with one of the plcasantest
smiles in the world I informed father aud
mother that I had an engagement at cous
in Maud's, "lie must bo some great, tall,
whiskered, long-noted ogre, enough to
scare the wits out of me," I said ; and
with this very comforting conclusion I set
out for cousin 3Iaud's, where I remained
through the day.
When I arrived at home Colonel Parkes
had taken his departure, regretting vcrv
much my absence. The net day I set
out for another ride, not expecting a sec
ond lace, of course ; but turning my eyes
to the tijposite road, 1 soon discovered i lie
same tall, geulleiuanly iigure, a little
ahead. He looked around in a few mo
ments, aud seeing 1 was behind, waited
until I came opposite, ihea raising his hat,
he started with full speed for the crossing.
1 was soon mue than even with him, and
of course, reached the crossing lirsi- 1
quickly rushed behind the shvaobery.
iSoon he came up, and was puzzled as be-lox-e
at my disappearance, i trembled for
I'ear he would discover me, but he never
looked in the direction of my hidi r-pl-.ce.
He soon went on, when I leit my conceal
ment, and gave him another hearty laugh
as I again passed him.
The next morning I set out again, for
I had become quite interested in this nov
el acquaintance; but to my great disap
pointment, I could sec nothing of him.
"For shame, don't make such a fool of
yourself, Fan," I said, and with this con
clusion, cantered on quite briskly until i
reached my hiding-place. 1 turned round
here and was looking at the sceuerj', when
1 heard a slight noise. Looking up, what
was my astonishment l find my acquain
tance right iu IVu.tt of me, and gazing at
me with the most mischievous, roguish
eyes that you ever beheld.
Dick seemed to have got on terms of in
timacy with his horse, for they had got
their noses together aud were carrying on
a secret telegraphic conversation altogeth
er foreign to me. I sat a moment, wind
ing the lash of my riding whip around my
finger rather too tightly to be comforta
ble, I fear and wishing myself a thous
and miles away. I made a desperate at
tempt to flee ; but Dick had no notiou of
leaving his new acquaintance ; I was
therefore left to my fate. I glanced at
the stranger after making ihis fruitless
attempt. lie smiled at the look of despair
pictured on my countenance, and with a
quiet "good morning," ho asked me how
1 enjoyed my ride. While I was answer
ing, he started- his horse Dick followed
w"uhoufc any trouble. I was at first an
noyed almost angry ; but D'ck for once
would have his own way ; and at List, ma
king a merit of necessity, I fell into a tete-a-tete
with the horseman. It was not long
before I made the discovery that he was
the same Col. Paikcs that 1 had so much
shunned the day before.
From that time v. e used to meet every
morning. I do not doubt but there were
a good many silly things said between us.
At any rate, one afternoon who should
drive up to the door but Col. Parkes,
wishing to see mv father ! How my heart
beat, as, leaning ovev the balustrade, I
heard his inquiry ! The gen.lenien went
into the library, aud when they caiuo out
lather was rubbing his hands aud looking
very much pleased about something. 1
was called immediately.
"Here you are, you Utile wuch, to an
swer for your self," he said.
"She has alreadj answered me," said
Pa laughed and gave me a pinch, and
said I was a "sly puss in boots."
We had a very quiet wedding. Neith
er of us ever regretted the step. Soon after
our marriage 1 was looking at my little
locket and thought I would thow the treas
ure to my husband, telling the story of it,
also my little story of its being my future
As ho took it I saw a look of wonder on
his face. With a mysterious smile he
asked me if I did uot think it resembled
"It is," said he, "a locket my mother
used to wear which has been lost for many
Pa says that after this, he will believe
any story I may choose to tell, however
"Brick" Pomcroy, of the Milwaukee
JYt'ifs, thus relates his experience in the
skating line :
"llight beneath one of our windows,
from morn till midnight, we see young
sters and oldsters twisting their legs into
all conceivable shapes. We cannot pick
up a paper, but an article on 'skating'
meets the eye. Everybody says it's fun.
and that's all 'everybody' knows about it,
for wc have tried it. Last night, about
gas light time, after reading a glowing dc
scriptiou of life on skates, wc prepared for
our first attempt, and sallied forth to join
the merry crowd. Wc had on a pair of
stoga boots, trousers' legs tucked inside, a
llobert tailed coat and white hat. Wc
went down on the ice, aud gave a boy t wo
shillings in good coin of the realm, for
the use of his implements. We have con
fidence, even as treat as Peter's faith.
We, with the assistance of a friend, fixed
on the skates, and stood erect like a bar
Encouraged at the sight of some ladies
on the bridge looking at the skaters, we
struck out. A slant to the right with the
right foot a slant to the left with the
left foot and just then we saw something
on the ice. and wc stooped to pick it up !
On our feet again two slants to the right
and one to the left, accompanied by a loss
of confidence. Another stride with the
right foot, and wc Fat down wilh foaiful
rapidity, with very little, if any, elegance.
What a set down it was, for we made a
dent in the ice like a Conneciicut butter
bowl ! Just then one of the ladies re
marked "Oh, look, Mary, that feller
with the white hat un't got his skceis on
the right place !" Ditto, thought wc.
Just then a ragged little devil sauir out as
he passed us "Hellow, old timber legs I"
and we rose suddenly and put after him.
Three slides to the right two to the left,
and awav went our loirs one to the cast,
and the other west, causing an immense
fissure in our pants, and another picture
of a butter tray in the cold oh ! Ituw ohl
ice ! Then the lady wc know she was
one by the remark she made again spoke
and said "Oh, look Mary, that chap with
the white hat has .sat down on his hand
kerchief, to keep from taking cold I" Wc
rose about as graceful as a saw-horse, when
Mary said, "guess 'taint a handkerchief,
Jane," and Mary was right, it wasn't a
handkerchief not a bit of it ! Just thcu
a friend came along, and proffered us his
coat-tail as a "steadier." We accepted
the continuation of his garment, and up
the river we went about ten rods, when a
shy to the right by the leader caused us,
the wheel horse, to scoot off bu a tangent,
heels up ! But the ice is very cold, this
Wc tried it again. A glide one way
a glide and a half the other, when 'u-Jtacc
came our bump of philoprogenitiveness on
the ice, and wc saw a million of stars dan
cing around our eTes, like ballet girls at
the Bowery theatre. IIow that shock went
through our system, and up and down our
spinal column. Lightning couldn't have
corkscrewed it down a greased sapling
wilh greater rapidity or more exhileratiug
effect. Boarding house butter nor a war
ranty deed could not have stuck stronger
than we did and a dozen ladies looking
at us and our "fissured" pants !
"Hello, old cock !" sang out that ragged
imp again, and we were helpless ! Soon
we got up and made another trial, with
better success. Perhaps we had skated,
in our peculiar style, fifteen feet, when a
blundering chap came up behind, and we
sat down wilh our tired head pillowed in
his lap and he swearing at us, when it
was all his own fault! Flow cold the ice
was there, too ! Every spot where we
made our debut on the ice oh ! how cold
it was : Lmr hear skin diawcrs were no
protection at all ! Wc tried again, for the
papers all say it's fun, and down came our
Homan-G " cclcn nose on the cold julep ma
terial, and (he little drops of crimson ran
down our shirt bosom on the cold ice.
Once more we tried skating made for
the shore sat down and counted dama
ges. Two shillings in cash thrown away.
Seven lateral and one "fronteral" bumps
on the ice.' One immense fissure in as
handsome a pair of ten dollar cassimcrcs
as a man ever put his legs in. One rup-
tuvc in the knee, extending to the bone.
Four buttons from our vest, a "fragmen
ted" watch crystal, and a back-ache big
enough to divide among the children of
Israel. If you catch us on the smooth,
glossy, chilly, freezing, t) cache; ous, de
cc'tfiil, slippei y, and slip-uppeiy ice again
you'll know it ! If any one ever hears of
our skating again, they will please draw
cn u.3 at sight for the bivalves ami accom
panying documents. We have got thro'
skating. It's humbug. It's vexation of
spirit, of business, of flesh, and a tearer of
trousers ! It's a head-bumping, back
aching, leg-wearing, dangerous i-ist'tution,
and we warn people againsf skating. We
tried it, and shau't be able to walk for a
month. Skating clubs ::re a humbug, and
all the rascally youngsters wish to get the
ladies jvt it that they may see if they,
too, don't say "lice ice is dreadful cold 1"
It's nothing to us, but the ladies will do
well to let skates alone, unless they are
younger and more clastic than we arc.
Oh ! how cold the ice is we can feel it
yet!" . 0
The French Lady. At a trial in a
Vermont court, .several years ago, a French
lady h id been s ubpeened as witnes, and
she was called upon to give her U-st.iuio.-iy.
She was a stranger iu the place, and ".he
Court" felt itself bound to address her in
her native tongue. Bat "the Court's"
education iruthe jHule-vous line had been
sadly neglected, and how to rdministcr
the oath in an i-iJelligible fo. in to the si
lent lady before him, was for some mo
ments a puzzling question. What was to
be done? The judge called upon several
of the lawyers near h:m.but they sdl avow
ed their ignorance of the language then
so supposedly necessary. Finally the
counsel for the defendant, a clever Yankee,
fealing himself equal to the occasion, vol
unteered to.exti-io.it3 "t he Court" from its
embarrassment. lie accordingly rose and
add csscd the lady witness in these
"Vous jurez zat Aval you here testify
shall be the tru.se, ze vholo truse, and nos
sing but ze truse, so help you mon Dicu."
The lady looked for a moment at the
manufacturer of this h vbrid sentence iu si
lent astonishment, then turning to "the
Court," said iu perfectly good English
though with a slightly foreign accent:
"What docs the gentleman ay?"
The effect was electric. Such a laugh
went up to the roof of that country court
room that the counsel for defendant has
not heard the lost of it to this day. Sat.
G ii. lav me Washington, by Gar !
A tall raw-boned Yankee was riding a di
minutive specimen of the donkey tribe
through tlie muddy streets of Gotham, and
the animal being very stubborn, Jona
than found it difficult to induce him to ac
celerate his pace. lie used the persuasive
eloquence of a hickory stick, however, aud
at each blow he would drawl out :
"Git up, Bunypart! git up, I say!"
A little l'Ycnehman in passing, heard,
with rage, the n;:me of his illustrious coun
tryman applied to the ugly bca.-,t, and
commenced heaping a volley of abuse on
the hci-d of the offending Yankee.
"Sair V shouted the Gaul, "vat for you
may call zat ugly beast Napoleon '! Sair
I sbodl have dc grande satisfaction !"
"G it up Bonypart !" was the only re
sponcc. "Sacre ! Monsieur! sair! I say vat for
you might call zat vagabone horse Napole
"G-i-t up, Bonypart !"
Here the Frenchman's rage boiled over,
and stamping his feet upon the pavement,
he screamed out, "Oh, by gar ! J shall
have revenge. I have one tarn little sheep
dog at home 1 gD call him Gillaume
Washington, by gar !"
Jonathan to get the Donkey out oi the
mud the best way he could, amid roars of
lau'ducr from the crowd which the occur
rencc had drawn together.
Texas U. S. Sexatou. The impres
sion lias gone out that Gen. Houston was
defeated in the contest for Uuited States
Senator lcfore the Legislature of Texas,
on the 5th ult. Nothing could be further
from the fict. Gen. Houston was not a
candidate. The election was to fill a va
cancy to serve out the term which expires
with the present Congress, Col. Lewis T.
AYigfall, who the successful contestant, he
having received sixty votes against fifty
eight cast for five or six other candidates.
Gen. Houston was not nrmed, neither did
he get a vote. The present Legislature
of Texas will elect a United States Sena
tor to serve for six years from the 4th of
March, and when that election takes place
Gen. Houston will be a candidate for the
position, if not previously nomiuated on
the Presidential ticket.
WIT AND WISDOM.
Jfcja? Good deeds never go unrewarded.
Oberlin College has 1253 students.
Of these 480 are females.
.3?" A gentleman, who spoke of having
been struck by a lady's beauty, was ad
vised to kiss the rod.
"What are you leaning over that
empty cask for ?" "I'm mourning for
departed spirits," was the reply.
Sx" A young lady, when told to exer
cise for her health, said she would jump
at an offer and run her own risk.
Kiz There are many who say more than
the truth ou some occasions, and balauce
the account with less on other.
3 f you want a sinking fund, throw
3'our money into the river, or invest it iu
Xgfl. The wrath of an offended man
must be up to blood-heat when he seeks
the life of aa offender.
Ef3k-"Joe, did you ever dabble in
"Why, yes, I got my boot iu 'em once;
I didn't like thcin much !"
There is a man in Cinciuuati in
possession of a powerful memory. He is
cniplo'cd by the Humane Society to re
member the poor.
EiS- A Londoner haviug asked a broth
er cot-Lucy, the other day, "how he liked
'Ail Columbia,' " said he wouldn't irive a
g!.-,; s of 'alf-.-.nd-'alf for a hogshead of it."
&si"" The po'ice of New York comprises
no less than 1314 men, and their pay roll
amounts to 75,000 per month. Tfcis is
paying pretty dearly for a bad govern uieuL
Um. A Pike's PeaLer guys v he miners
1. 1 that region are very muchdiscouraged
thec have io dig lhrotJ?Rolid vein
of silver four feet thick before they reach
I tie gold.
Sfi,Why was there a panic in the ear
ly days of Moses ?
Because there were rushes upon the
banks, and Pharaoh's daughter withdrew
a valuable deposit.
Bi, A man should never put a fence of
words aiound his ideas, because many who
would otherwise give him a fair hearing,
lack resolution to climb over such a rag
KiigX"Did you present your account to
the defendant V inquired a lawyer of his
client. "J did, sir." "Aud what did he
say V "lie told me to go the devil."
"And what did you do thcu V "Why
then I came to you."
rar" The Mayor of Jeffersonville lately
had a boy before him as a witness iu a
suit. lie was asked if he knew the na
ture of an oath. "Yes, d d well," was
the reply. He was uot sworn.
A smart young man visiting a pris
on, inquired of a small girl the cause of
hor being iu prison. Her answer was,
"that she stole a saw-mill, and went back
after the pond, wheu she was arrested."
A burglar was frightened out of
his scheme of robbery by the sweet sim
plicity of a solitary spinster, who, putting
her night-capped head out of the window,
exclaimed, "go away ! ain't you ashamed '"
R-SL. "You're spoiling yourself, and you
know it; aud why will you drink so?.'
"Drink ! all great men drink You see
I'm building up myself a character for a
great man, and I'm puddling for the foun
It is calculated the entire world of
smokers, ch ewers and snuffers consume
two millions of tons of tobacco annually,
or four thousand four hundred and eighty
millions of pounds, occupyingin its growth
five aud a half millions of acres, and that
about one-fourth of the humau race are in
the habit of using it.
ggi,One Sabbath morning a distin
guished military gentleman who was walk
ing on Boston Common, was reprimanded
by a policeman because he suffered his
dog to enter the water. "There," said
Dogberry, "'don't you see the sign 'dogs
not allowed in the water on Sundays ?' "
"Yes." responded the colonel, "but that's
a d d illiterate dog he can't read."
Cfea?" A teacher of English grain mer
j down east, asked one of his pupils the case
: of a certain noun which he was attemp
ting to parse. The scholar puzzled aud
scratched his head for some time, and at
. last, fetching a long breath, he broke out
with "It's a darned Juirtl case, sir."
J fie-Now that hoops are going out of
fashion, what is io come in by way of sub
stitute ? Perhaps that "mere figure of
form," the bustle of which some poet
has written :
Artful device 1 w hoso imitative pad
: Into pood figures roundclh off the bad,
; Whether of simple saw-dust thou art seen,
Or tak'st the puise of costlier crinoline,
How oft to thee the female form doth owe
I A grace rotund, a line of ampler flow,
' Thau flesh aud blood are able to bestow !