SUNOTKY AMERICAN.
Pit ICES or ADYKllTiaiyu.
t square 1 insertion, . f 0 60
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Yearly A4fertinrnenti one column. i23 1 half
II. B. MASSER,
JOSEPH EI3ELY.
? Pcauarisas Ana
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. It. JHJtSSEH, Editor.
Office in Centre Alley, in the rear of 11. D. Mai
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By Manser & Elscly.
Sunbury, Northumberland Co. Pa. Saturday, May 25, IS 11.
WoL 4-Oio. 35 Whole No, 191.
ingly.
(ysixteen line mane a square.
TERMS OF THE " AMEIIICAN."
MVSICAl. MXKMOS1CS.
Many a student in music, we doubt not, have
experienced the difficulty of retaining in their
memories the several keys, the knowledge of
which is so essential in order to make any pro
ficiency in the science. To such we think, the
following scale will afford considerable assis
tance :
A's o major key three sharps will tt-U,
The minor A is natural ;
And A flat major all will say,
With four tlats ever we must play.
With major 13 five sharps ure sent,
13 minor is with two content ;
TheB flat major two flats place,
With 11 flat minor five flats trace,
To prove our maxim plain and true,
C's major key we natural view ;
On minor C three flatsattend,
And C sharp minor four befriend.
The major 1 two sharps doth crave,
The minor D one flat will have ;
With flat D major five arc told,
With sharp I) minor six behold
With major K four sharps must come,
The minor F. has only ene.
To E flat major three flats fix,
And K flat minor must have six.
P's mnjor key has one poor flat,
The minor F lias lour times that,
For sharp major six sharps score,
To F sharp minor tliree no more.
fJ's major key with one sharp make,
fJ's minor key two flats will take.
To (! sharp minor five sharps name,
And ( flat minor six flats claim.
All Jli Smiths arc not Dead )!.
WRJTTKJi FOtt THE "SPIRIT OF THE TIMFS."
The following: comedy of errors wns enacted
in a Court ofQnarter Sessions in the l est, a
tew veeks trine.
Tle Clerk if the Court culled over the names
of twelve jurors. Two answered to that rare
and romantic nrmic John Smith.
The clerk well knowing that there was one
certain John Smitli, if indeed any John Smith
can be certain, returned by the Slieriff as a
Petit juror, took it for gTanted that John Smith
tiad answered tw ice to hid name, and that by
come mistake lie, the clerk, had written a du
plicate of tlx: name of John Smith.
Proceeding u (Kin hisaburd hypothesis name
ly, that there could only be one John Smith on
venire, or in a bo:;, he after a while succeed
ed admirably in bewildering himself and every
body clue.
Clerk 'If the Court pleases there is one ju
ror wanting;.'
Court We hove counted 'hc Jury, and there
ere twelve men in the box.
Clerk Sonic man must have got into the
box by mistake who is not u juror.
Court Call their name.
Clerk Gentlemen of the Jury, please loan
ewer to your names.
Hero lie called them over again, and tV.c two
indomitable John Smiths answered to their
names like men.
ClerkThere mud be something wrong,
here !
Court How many John Smiths arc in the
box 1
'One f answered the two John Smiths' ti-
uneltaneoMsly, tor they were strangers to each
other, and from the noise of the Court-room,
and tc crowd it escaped observation that there
were two John Smiths', and the John Smiths
lid not know it themselves.
Court 'Send for the Sheriff !' (enter She
riff,) Coort continues, 'Bring your lid of ju
rors till we compare it "a ith tire clerk's list.'
Sheriff (Perusing his list) 'If the Court
pleases theTe is but one John 'Smith here.'
About this ti mo a constable bawled out,
Clear the way for the Grand jury .'' And in
the bustle and noise of their approach one of
the John Smiths' slipped out of the Petit jury
box quietly and unobserved, and seated himself
to the back row of the Grand Jjrora.
Clerk There are, as I said before, only 11
jurors in the box, nr.J two of them 1 think must
be 3hn Smiths'.
Court Tliere atu twelve, sir ! 1 counted
them, and if there are more John Smiths' than
one, then there are thirteen jurors io the box,
as a matter of course.
Clerk TheiT voices are wonderfully alike.
Court It is impossible there should be more
than one John Smith in the box, as there are
bat one on the Sheriffs list of jurors ; call
them again.
Here the clerk called them over again, and
although there wcro but eleven jurors tt the
box. one of whom was a veritable John Smith
who was so obfuscated with what had inspired
that be answered to the n'-e iwice, and as he
fell that the l'.,.er was becoming personal, be
answered with ty.'MeQdous vociferation, nod
highly excited. If ho thought that a loud an
ewer would clear up the mystery he was very
much mistaken.
Here outspoke an attorney who thought
himself very wise, and said as the name of
John S.nith was a very common name, he had
no doubt there wcretwo men of the same name
in the box.
Court Sheriff, who summoned these jurors.
Sheriff My deputy, John Smith.
Attorney General Is there no end to human
calamities ?
Here an unfledged attorney who had read
j Shakespeare, more than Blackstone or the Bi
ble, exclaimed, 'I could not this believe with
out the sensible and true avouch of mine own
eyes, and I may add, cars.'
About this time the Attorney General's eye
(who was -growing very impatient) happened
to gild the forehead afa young member of the
bar who hnd responded from his youth upwards
to the multitudinousnamc of John Smith, when
the former broke out upon him with a jumble
of misquotations.
'Abjure thy country and forswear thy name,
1 'Let thy pernickms name stand aye, accursed
'in the catalogue.
Court We are making no progress in this
affair.
Cletk What, supposing I call all the names
in the box except John Smiths !
! Court go on.
j The clerk called all the names except John
j Smith's and there were only ten jurors in the
j box, barring the Smith's.
I rin.L I I..U II....... u..i ,1... .1
vii 1 n ,UU JW1II IMIIIIFI UVIU1U INUl llillt;
were but eleven jurors in the box.
Court (Counting the jurars-, and elevating
his dexter tore-finger at each individual he
counted) It is even so; there were twelve
before. Iicifer has dropped into the box, in
j the shape of a John Smith, and vanished again
without leaving the smell of brimstone behind
him. (Court continues.) Let all the John
Smith's rmpniinelled in the petit jury box stand
tip ; and accordingly one very diminutive indi
vidual slKit up, hi head scarcely taller than
those of the other silting members.
At this crisis-, a very good looking man up.
on the jury, after looking carefully around him,
told the Court there were two different and dis
tinct jurors who answered to the name of John
Smith, to the best of his knowledge and belief.
'Silence, sir !' interposed the Court, but the
remark had its weight with the Court for all
that; as the Court had affirmed before there
were twelve jurors io the box, and afterwards
acknow ledged there were but eleven.
Court Sir, are you a veritable John Smith !
John Smith If it please your Honor, I don't
understand 'veritable J'
Court You don't ! I your baptismal name ;
. ....... I
Jotin . Are you John hmith !
John Smith May it please the Court. I
never was baptized.
Court This is no time to trifle with the
Court you don't understand 'veritable' ! Do
you nndcrstand 'kcdhauC ? (The Court had
been a 6ailor otice )
John Smith No sir.
Court Well if all the John Smiths were
kecl-haulcd, as they ought to be, they would bo
baptised with a witness. Answer this question,
sir ! is your name John Smith "
John Smith 'I am so flabbygasted that I
hardly know my own name from any other bs
dy's; I believe my name is John Smith. I
J could not conscientiously swear to it'
Court 'What is your trade, occupation, call-
1 ing, report!'
John Smith 'I am a gunsmith '.'
Attorney General 'He is a eon of a gun !'
Court 'Are you not a nephew of old John
Cannon, of'Cyres township,'
John Smith 'Yes sir.'
Court (musing) 'The family has degenerat
ed wonderfully ; he is a mere pistol. Sheriff,
stand nearer to tho juror, or he will go qff'ltke
his invisible namesake.'
Attorney General 'The Court had better
discharge him.'
Court 'Sit down, John Smith. Clerk, see
to the Grand Jury they are coming in.'
Clerk 'Gentlemen of the Grand Jury, have
you any bills!'
rorerr.an I hold some bills in my hand, bet
we have no quorum. Upon calling the names
in the Grand Jury worn, the right John Smith
was absent, and the John Smith as he calls
himself, and fancies himself a Grand Juror, is
not one at all , he is a stranger to me.' (Grand
Jury here retired, but John Smith went with
them, and succeeded in persuading them that
he was a Grand Juror.)
Aboot this time the little John Smith bustled
op, and manifested a desire to go with th
Grand Jury, when the Court interposed
Conrt-'Joha Smith, are you S,Bnd Juror y
M Sinith-'l don't know, sir j I am Ju
ror,'
Court 'From what township V
John Biniih 'Moon J
Court 'I thought so. You have moon-etrick-eu
the whole of us.'
Constable 'Make way for the Grand Jury.
Clerk 'Gentlemen of the Grand - '
Court 'Call over their names.' And the
names were called ; the last man who answer
ed to his name wns John Smith.
Clerk 'May it please the Court, the Grand
Jury has a quorum now with John Smith.'
Foreman 'Hero are aix true bills, and four
ignoramuses."
Sheriff 'If it pleaso tho court, I think the
last John Smith that answered to his name in
the grant) Jury box is a petit Juror, from Mid
dlesex township. I know him he makes ri
fles for shooting matches.'
Court 'He has rifled us out of a days work
already. Call another petit Juror, and let us
preceed to business.'
Attorney GcnoTal 'If the Court please I
now see a doubtful twilight dawning on the
mystery ; we have the corporeal John Smiths
here, but 1 think they are each in the wrong
box.
Court Sheriff, bring in j'our list of Grand
and Petit Jurors. And he brought in two
boards with the names of the Jurors pasted on,
which looked like two tombstones inscribed
with eulogies written in short metre. The
Court carefully read the lists of the Sheriff",
from which it appealed that little John Smith of
Moon, was a Grand Juror, and John Smith of
Middlesex, who had usurped the Grand Jury
box, was a I'ctit Juror. The township alone
from whence they came could distinguish be
tween the two John Smiths, gunsmiths.
Clerk 'John Smith of Moon, vou mnv re
tire, sir, John Smith of Middlesex, you may re
tire, sir.
The two John Smiths would have retired in
the arms of Zimmerman, and remained in so
litude for ever, had not the Court interposed,
and said in a loud voice, 'John Smith of Moon,
go into the Grand Jury box. John Smith of
Middlesex, go into the I'ttit Jury box. Why,
indictments and verdicts ore worth nothing with
such strange mistakes.'
The John Smiths exchanged places, when
the Court said, as well it might 'Gentlemen
oftke Grand Jury, you had the wrong John
Smith with you, and therefore hud no quorum.
Take bnck the indictments to your room.
Attorney General '1 think we may proceed
to business now J
Court 'What is the first cause !'
Attorney General Commonwealth i t. Jno.
Smith, for assault and buttery with intent to
kill
Court 'Don't make merry with our miser
ies. Attorney General 'There is the indictment
read it for yourselves.'
Court 'Continue bis case, increase his bail
double his recognizance! The name, the
name alone ought to be an indictable offence.
Who is his bail !
Attorney Genera! 'John Smith 1'
Court 'Adjourn the Court :'
John Sun a.
Pittsburgh, March 3, 1641.
Discontent. How universal it is. We
never knew the man who would say 'I am con-
; tented.' Go where you will, among the rich
or the poor, the man of competence or the man
w Ik earns his bread by the daily sweat of his
brow you hear the sound of murmuring and
voice of complaint. The other day we stood
by a cooper who was playing a merry tune with
an adze, round a cask. 'Ah 1' Kighed he, 'mine
is a hard lot for ever trotting Tound like a dog,
driving away at a hoop.' 'lluig ho !' sight d a
blacksmith, in one of the hot dtys, us he wiped
away the prespiration from his brow, while hi
red hot iron glowed on 'his onvil, 'this is life
with a vengeance melting and frying one's
self over the fire.' 'Oh, that I was a carpenter!'
ejaculated a shoemaker, as he bent over his
lap-stone, 'here 1 am day after day, working my
pool away in making soles for others, cooped
up in a little seven by nine room. 'I tin sick
of this oet-ilooT work,' cvclunns the carpenter,
broiling and sweltering tinder the sun, or ex
p:ed to the inclemency of the weather, 'If I
w as only a tailor. 'This is too bud,' perpetu
ally cries the tailor, 'to be compelled to art
perched up here, plyrrg the needle ell the
while wou'd that mine w as a more active lite.'
'Last day of grace the banks won't discount
customers won't pay what ehall I do 1' grun,
bles tho merchant, 'I had rather be truck-
horse, a dog, anything I' H ;
ppy fellows,'
gr.Mins the lawyer, as he scratches his head
over some perplexing case cr over some
dry record, 'bm rllowsi 1 had rather ham
nier to;(e tnsll cudgel my Vain on this tedi--k,
vexutious question.' And through afl the
ramifications of society, all are complaining of
their condition finding fuult with their peculi
ar calling. 'If I were only this, or that, or the
other, 1 should be content,' is the universal cry,
any thing but what I am.' So it will wag.
Fire burns only when we are near it ; but a
beautiful face burns and inflames, thvuglt at a
dittaoce.
Advice to Apprentices and Shop Boy.
As soon as you leave school and decide on a
profession, learn to chew tobacco. No young
man's education is finished without this accom
plishment. Cummonco with what is called
"nigger-head." It is the strongcat and most
offensive kind of tobacco, and when yon can
chew it without nausea, no other kind will sick
en you. Tobacco increases tho saliva, and no
thing is more elegant than to see a young man
squirting tlio yellow juice every moment from
his mouth.
Once used to chewing, begin to smoke, and
so arrange it, ns to have your check crammed
with a huge quid, or a "long nine" tlmirrt I'roni
between your lips. Either gives a decided em
phatic expression to the countenance, and it
will co fur to convince men, that though young
yoii know a thing or two and arc 'ono of 'em.'
Learn to swear, of course, but do not prac
tice in public, until ynu can roll out oaths in a
full sonorous t"no. If you swear timidly or
with a faltering voice, you will only imitate
man. Swent roundly and frequently cc hear
tily, and no one will doubt that you oro fully
matured. In the company of ladies you may
let full on oath occasionally, but be sure to a
pologise on the instant. This will show that
you know what politeness is.
Do not waste your Sundays by attending
church, unless you have a fancy to stare at the
ladies. (Mem. Beauty is said to be good for
weak eyes. Ifyour's are weak, stare the In
dies out of countenance, every where ami any
where.) Young men who woik six days, should
have the seventh for exercise and enjoyment.
Therefore go abroad on Sundays. Stand at the
corners of the streets. Theie is always a fresh
current of air sweeping tound a corner, and this
is gixxl for the lungj.
Laugh heartily and talk loudly, when Hie
people are returning from church. This will
show that you arc light-hearted and happy
And it 's pleasant to the grave and aged to eee
youth joyous. Always puff away at your ''long
nines," on theso occasions. The aroma is de
lightful, especially to the ladies, and it is your
duty as gallant men nay as gentlemen, to con
tribute freely to the Imppiness of the fair sex.
In dress, adhere to the style vulgarly called
Uowery ; the broad, flit brim hat ; the loose
pnntaloons : the high heelfd boots, and the fla
ming red vest. Flii careiul to have your hair
firmly greased to the sides of your face, and ne
ver omit the elaborate twist in the forelocks.
This style of diets distinguishes you from com
mon folks; a stranger will be able to tell attlie
first glance, who and what you ore.
Form little cluhs, and have crrtain drinking
houses for regular resort. Two or three times
a week make a littl noiso in these places :
sing and occasionally fiUt. This will uf.ract
attention and you will bo known as regular cus
tomers, and respected by all the quiet neighbors
accordingly.
Always t. ll your frlluw apprentices on Mon
day, that you were on a jolly srree the day
before, and got rather elated. Do not be asha
med to Conies this before your master. Ho
will respect you for truukncbdL, and bo able to
form an idea of what scrl of a mau you will
inulie.
Endeavor to accot every woman wIk may
chance to be alone in the sti-;ct after nightfall.
There area number of girls, who are obliged to
Work late into the nilit, an.l the silly creatures
are frightened wlif-n they go home. After you
have iiifltod tliein a dozen tunes, they will &.
quite ut.eu to it.
A very good Widow lmly who was looked up
to by the congregation to which rIio belonged
ns u:i exiinplu of piety, contrived to bun;; her
conscience to terms for ne little indulgence.
She loved pt-'r, ud one dy j'ist as she was
receiving half a doreu bottles from the inKO who,
usual'y brought her tho comforting beverage,
she perceived (O horror) two of the y.ave, el
ders of the church approach tho doo.. f5ie .an
the mtn out the back way, am! put. the bottles
tinder the e1. The weat'.ier being hot, at:d
while conversing wit'u lt.r Mj,a friends, pop
went one of tho eurkst
Dear inu !" t.chimej the goo.! lady, theu
gocsthu be- Ct,rj ; it trapped ycalenlay just
the 8a-;lC WBy ; 1 r.1Ui; have a hew cue- pro-
viutd.
In a few tniuntes pop went another accompa
nied by the peculiar hiss of tho er.caping lienor.
The 'rope' wouldn't li again, but the good lady
was not at a bus.
Dear me ! said she, that black cat of mine
must be at some mischief there. S'cat !'
Another bottle Tipp-d off", and the porter
came stealing out from under the bed curtains.
'Oh dear me !' cried fche, 'I had forgot its
the yrast .' Here Prudence, come and take a
way these bottles of yeast.' .V. O. Pic.
Among other evils that attend gaming, are
these loss of time, loss of reputation, loss Of
health, loss of fortune, loss of temper, ruin of fa
milies, defending of creditors, and what is the
vhva effect of it, Itic lutfl of lit ltstlf.
Husband smit Wife.
TRUTH AND POUT IN K COMIC OABB.
Ve now come to treat of Husband aud Wife,
and inquire, first, how marriage may bo made,
which will be interesting to lovers ; secondly,
how uiarriago may be dissolved, which will be
interesting to unhappy couples ; and lantly,
what are the legal effects of marriage, which
will be interesting tothoso who have extrava
gant wives, for whose debts tho husband aro li
able.
To make a marriage threo things are requi
red: first, that the parties will marry; se
condly, that they can, and thiidly, that they do,
though to us it seems that if they do, it matters
little whether they will, and if they will, it is
of li'fle corteiucnce whether they can ; for if
they do, they do ; and if they will, they must
bocxttse where there is a will there is a way
and therefore they can if llvey choose, and if
they don't it is because they wont, which brings
us to the conclusion, that it they do, it is absurd
to speculate upon whether they will or can
marry.
It has been laid down very clearly in all tho
books, that in general all persona are able to
marry unless they are unable, and the no old
constitutional maxim, that "a man may not mar
ry his grandmother,,' ought to bo written in let
ters of gold over every domestic hearth in the
British dominions. There are some legal disa
bilities to a marriage, such as the slight impe
diment of being married already ; and one or
two otlrer obstacles, which are too well known
to require dwelling on.
If a father's heart should happen to be par-
tico'nrly flinty, a child under age has no reme
dy, but a stony guardian may be macadamised
by the Court of Chancery ; that is to say, a
marriage to which he objects may be ordered to
take place in spite of him. Another incapacity
is want of reason in either of the parties ; but
it want of reason really prevented a marriage
from taking place, there would be an ond to
half the matches that are entered into.
A considerable deal of the sentiment attach
ing to a love affair has been smashed by the 6th
and 7th of William IV., c.85, explained by the
1st of Victoria, c. t2"2 tor one act is always un
intelligible until onotlrer act is passed to say
what it nseans. This statue enables a pair ot
ardent kivers to rush to the office of the super
intt ndant register, instead of to Gretna Green;
and tliere is no doubt that if Remeo could have
availed himself of the wholesome section in the
net alluded to, Juliet need not have paid a pre
mature visit to the "tomb of ull the Capulets. '
Marriages could not formerly only belissol
ved by death or divorce ; but the new poor law
puts an end to the union between man and wife
directly they enter into a parochial union. Di
vorce, except in the instance just alluded to, is
a luxury confined only to those who can afford
to pay lor it ; and a husband is compelled 1o al
low money called ali-money to the wife he
seeks to bedivorced from. Marriages, it is said,
are made in Heaven, but unless the office of the
registrar be a little paradise, we don't see how
a marriage made befoTe that functionary can
come under the pategory alluded to.
A husband and w ife are ono in law though
there is often anything but unity in otlrcr mut
ters. A man cannot enter into a legal agree
ment with his wife. But they often enter in
to disagreements, which are thoroughly mutual.
If the wife be in debt before marriage, the hus
band, in making love to the lady, baa been ac
tually conrting the cognovits she may have en
tered into; and it the wife :.s under an obliga
tion fr.r which she might, be L'gally attached,
the husband finds l-.imsflfthe vietirnof an un
K.r'nnato Rttacl'.nii'iii. A wife cannot be snfd
witho ; the husband, unless he is dead in law;
ni' law is really enough to be the deeth of any
one, A husband or a wifo cannot be witness
for or against one ar.uther, though wife some
times leaves evidence of the bad taiite of the
husband in electing; her.
A wife cannot executes deed ; which is per
haps, the reason why Shakspeore, tvho was a
f. rstrate lawyer, made Macbe'.h do tho deed,
which I Atly Macbeth would have done so much
b liter, had not a deed done by a woman been
void to all intents and purposes.
Py the old law, a husband might give his
wife moderate correction ; but it isdeclored in
black and white that he may not beat her black
and blue, though the civil law allowed any man
on whom a woman had bestowed her hand, to
bestow his lists upon her at his own direction.
The common people, who ere much attached to
the common law, still exert the privilege of
besting their wives ; and a woman in the low
errunksof lite, if she falls in love with a man,
is liable, after marriage, to bea good deal struck
by him.
Such are the chief legal effects of marriage,
from which it is evident, .ays Brown, the law
regards the fair sex with peculiar favor; but
Smith maintains that such politeness oa the
part of the law is like disability from a hyena.
i'u ict Ccni JWrU'eit.
A nttltla Hnstcr Down East,
We cannot resist the temptatien to extract
from tho "Fanltee Blade" (published at Gar
diner, Me.) the following euto passagea con
cerning the great Maine Muster.
Tnt "CAFTIMO."
Presently in a voice like a volcanoe the com
mand was given to open the right and lett ob
lique quick, straight, march As the tall form
of the gallant commander emerged ftom tho
files, a low suppressed murmur of eager ex lac
tations ran thro' the crowd. He then frowned
on the bystanders, brandished his sword, and
with a fieree look which would have done ho
nor to Mars himself, ordered the company to
wheel and forma line- in front of a fence ; a
manoeuvre, which, though uncommonly ardu
ous, was nevertheless executed with wonderful
skill and precision. This fi-nce we remarked
was all thickly covered with pirls. The lea
ther countenance of the gallant captain glowed,
with conscious pride, as he saw all eyes fixed
on him ; he drew himselt up to his full height
adjusted his clean shirt collar and plume took
threo long strides before the company, then
gracefully waved his huge cut and thrust sword
to the band which instantly struck up the fash
ionable air of Old Dan Tucker, in compliment
to the ladies, who giggled ond as a grateful re
turn waved their cotton handkerchiefs and kis
sed their hands to the brava defenders of the
fair.
"1-ERPORSlANCfcS."
"Tcntion the hull line ! Front face ! Eyes
right! Eyes left ! Steady now, darn ye!"
shouted the captain in a voice like an earth
quake, 'Shoulder arniB! Present arms! Re
claim arms! Very well-dress ! Dress men!
Jonathan Bobclose, why don't you dresa !'
'Why captain, we air dressed already in our
clean bran tired Sunday clothes. 'Silence, no
talking in, the renks ! Tcntion, men. Carry
arms ! Draw ramrods !' 'Why, Lewten
int, how in the nome o'natur' are we going to
draw ramrods be fiwe we'vo ordered firelocks!
'I ax your pardon, feller officers ; ground
arms! Plaguey well done. Handle car
tridge.' Load cartridge- 'Sarceant is it all
sham, or must I put in a ginowine cartridge S
coz if we must, I haint got none. 'Silence Jina
Parshly! Its only a make blecve, je6t to-day.
Prime ! Carry arms Fall back to the left
eend there. Sergtrrt Jewell, why tho dickens
do you let the fror.t flink bulge out so in thai
middle V 'Why, gaul darn it, capting the sts.
gers, all want to see the training. Deacon
Dewlittlo, you are a little out of the line if
you please, a little further in stop, 6top not so
far a little farther out that'll do. Tliere,
capting, I guess as haw the company is now a
bout as 6traight as a loon's leg ; if it aint I'M g
to grass., 'Tribulation Sheepshanks, what are
you bawling about. 'Why, Capting, Hateful
Parkins smashed my foot with the butt ol his
gun, and 1 rather guess its a six pounder, for ila
all fired heavy and my toe aches like blaze?.
Captinir, my toe jnmps like a bumble bee with
his tail cut oft. Alamt I go and bathe it in a
leetlc bottle of spirits 'twill doit a ration F;ht
of good.' Yes, but don't bo gone off the pnride
long, tho'.' 'I say, Mister don't make a mi.-tairs
and pour the rum down your throat, and rue
your toe with the bottle.' 'Well this ixdemmed
foinc conversashawn for gentlemen, 'pon hon
aw 1' 'Jerry I wish you would go and git me t
glasa of new cider.' 'Why itaint worth drink
ing.' No matter the man says if we hain -tisfied
after drinking it, we are perfectly at "..
i berty to return it.' Attc'i-m : .M"W.,C ;
On your left backward wl.' " a 1 n of
inarch ! Forward !"
Captain Marry att rXnte tt.s'H-.ere w're two
lawyers in partnership tr. Nmv York, wuh (he
peculiarly happy nain-s it Cattle m and Che
turn. People having I'ui'lie.l to ie th'-setwo
names in juxta-positiou uvf r the door, tue two
lawyers thought it a.Jvisnble to separate them
by the insertion ot their Chru'tmn names, l.-aac
and Uriah. The painter, however, finding the
board too fcliort to admit the Christian name a'
full length, put only the initials before the bur
names, which made tho matter still worse, fat
there now appeared, '1. Cutchein, and TJ. Cfce
turn.
Ft'SXY Descsiptio.n. A funny way of an
nouncing an incident we find in a recent New
York paper. In describing the explosion ot
brig near tho Narrows, he fays : "The oul
passengers were T. B. Nathan, who owi.e
three Thousand dollars worth of the cargo an
the captain's vife .'" A coteniporary think
that something ukin to the above is a case mep
tioned by a London ed.tor, who speaks of "
hen belonging to a stone raasoa that lj
brickl."
The Athens (Pa.) Scribe perpetrates the foi
lowing, on the marriage of Mr. James Dec an
Martha Ann Flower :
Well ha this little, busy 'Hee'
Improved life's shining hour ;
Ilo gathers bouey now all day
Fom one sweet i-h'incn 'Kluvvtr
And fiam his hi we, if heaven pleases.
IW U f.' '4 swan- tJ l.ile'leM.'