TERMS OF Tlin " AMERICAS."
If. B. MASSER,
JOSEPH EISEI.Y.
Publish km ino
RormiTons.
it. .1I.1SSEII. ttlitor.
Office in Centre Me a, in the rear of It. B. Mas-
ser e Store.)
THE" AMERICAN" Is published every Satur
day at TWO DOLLARS per annum to be
paid half yearly in advance. No paper discontin
ued till all arrearages arc patd.
No subscriptions received for a loss period than
six months. All communication or letters on
business relating to the olRco, to insure attention,
must bo POST PAID.
e; . j . 1 -
THK P K K S J.
A propbnpv iml in the m-mth nf John VI, the reign
ing pontilT when tho art of printing was invent
ed. (Tram the French "T.e Tyrtee tin Midi.")
Come, Chri-linn kinirs, awake, arie!
Prri a'e to fight as with one heart ;
A child of him who's prince of lies,
His just found out the printing art.
Arise, the dancer threatens nil;
Our future ills none can express.
If e'er our pow'r shall pros'Mte fill,
Twill f .ll beneath that of the Press.
It is a Proteus, ne'er the same;
A hydra with a thousand heads;
A phfpnix r'siii)? Com the fame.;
It is a rumor which mi-loul ;
A monster which will swallow all;
'Tis anli-christ, come to oppress.
If e'er our pow'r shall prostrate fad,
'Twill f ill beneath that of the Press.
The prospect sad my soul dismays ;
T'linling will give to journals birth,
And lhcs w ill sprend, a thousand ways,
Their subtle poison o'er the earth.
They'll leap o'ei mountain', sea, snd nil
Their venom will the world p.scss.
If e'er our pow'r ahull prostrate fill,
'Twill fall beneath that of the Press.
The pres throughout the world will sound ;
In thunders loud to us it speaks,
And Ihore'the peopi? will be found,
Like Polyphemus when he wakes.
Come, let us haste; 'twill ruin all,
And our authority depress
If e'er our pow'r shall prostrate fill,
Twill fall beneath that of the Press,
Against this art let us unite,
And barriers to this flood oppose ;
Let us combine, with all our might,
On tho ain crowd our laws impose.
Punitdi the sciibMcrs one und all,
Punh-h them tnd their wronpa repress.
II e'er our pow'r shall prostrate fill,
Twill fill beneath that of the Prcs.
From his high throne, on pow'r intent,
Vi nccancc he preach'.! t' injure suece-s ;
A chief who cliirn to represent,
Ad.idwhois a ;! of peace,
' The press," he said, wiH level all,
Order destroy, pro luce. Jist'css,
Ifc'ir our pow'r shall prostrate fill.
Twill fall beneath that of tho Pi.."
Prom the New York True Sun.
Al'TJM.V.
Imperial Autumn wives her wand the flowers of I
summer i.uli
And gold is mingling with the grciij in every syl
van 'hade.
The wind has now an orran tone, the sun a solemn
cVam,
And southward moves athwart the .ky, the wild
swan's ll ing train.
The mind, which (m earth's changing scenes full
oft receives its hoe.
In the c.dm sabbath of the year grows calm and
s ilemn ton,
And thoughts route w'oh the falling leaf, of dear
one parsed away
Leaves fallen from the trio of I.ove, its golden
leaves arc they.
Hut as when Autumn winds grow loud, and Au
tumn woods sre bare,
With trumpet cry the wild swan seeks a bright
home through the air;
So when tlm j y of earth are dead, the mourner's
thoughts should rise
To the soul's home of light and life, whose summer
Mvi ii fl e. J. 13.
"Do SoMKruiNO. Do something, young man,
don't be a living corpse all your days, from
which the active multitude shrink as from pu.
refaction. But stir your muscles, circulate
your b!K)d, and stretch your bones. Cod nev-
er made you fur an nutomatou, or ho would
netrer have stamped his image on your brow;
he made you for a n,an living, active, ener
getic, iinmort;.',. Then do something do it
now; tl(.xl week, or next month, but now.
Look up ritir yourself shake of! your lethar
gy open your eyes and spring to work for
your life go at something, or you will corrode
and perish with rust, to be worth nothing to
mankind more than your flesh and blood will
produce for enriching tho ground.
"'What shall I do V you ask, as if your
Maker hud made a fool of you, and never in
tended you should labor. Do! Whythoreis
every thing to do whichever way you look,
there is work enough to employ your heart and
hands a thousand life-times. Fields to culti
vate and men to elevate ; sciences to be pro
gressed and trades to be facilitated ; minds to
be untrammcled and civilization to be extended.
Just possess the disposition, and be determined
to do something, and you will never be at a
loss what to engage in."
A woman should never take a lover without
the coneent of her heart, nor ahusbind without
the cooccurrence of her rrason.
BUNBUffiT AMEBIC AM.
Absolute acquiescence in the decisions of fhe majority, (he vital principlo of Republics, from which
TIE PRESS im POWER AXI ISFl.t'
KM K,
We make the subjoined extract front the Ad
dress of tho Rev. Dr. Spraguf., delivered before
the Society of Phi Beta Kappa, in Yale College,
on the 17th of August last. It claims an at
tentive perusal :
"We talk of tho press till it has become a
llireadhare topic; andyet with all our tnlk, we
have really no practical estimate of its impor
tance. Time was when men's thoughts could
be communicated only by being spoken; and
some have conjectured that even the works of
Homer were originelly committed only to the
memories of men, and that generations passed
awny before they were written on any matrri
al substance. And when Demosthenes thun
dered, and Virgil sutir, it was for the few, nnd
not for the many; and their lofty productions
were indebted to tho dogged lubor uf their
transcriber.
Dut the art ofprinting has operated in respect
to the ancients like the word which will ac
complish the great resurrection it has brought
them up from the grave of ages, and pledged to
the man existence every where and through all
time. And the same art now advanced to a
degree of perfection which casts into the shade
f'aebest improvements of the past, is embalming
men's thoughts in our days; iiye, end giving
them wings by which they fly til over the world.
You may sit in your closet now, and without
opening your lips, speak fo those who dwell
nearest the poles. You may multiply yonrseli",
in a single week, into ten thousand ogeuts ei
ther for good or evil. You may scarcely ever
look into t lie world, and yet even thrones and
principalities may feel the influence of your
thoughts.
The simplest view of' a subject is often the
nust impressive. Estimate then the press, by
the acknowledged influence of any great mind
that lias spoke through it. Do you see that
man, in the eccentricity of his genius, prostrate
upon the floor, laboring to recall one of the
noblest efTorts in the annuls of intellect! It is
Hubert Hal!, busy with his sermon on modern
infidelity. His lricuds have asked him to pub
lish it, and he will not decline, but as yet i;
has no existence except in his own mind ; and
though he loathes the labor of writing, he is
turning his hand at intervals to the work.
Wonder of the age ns he was for modesty as
well as fur genius, he dreamed not of the influ
ence thatecrnum was destined to exert; but
when it came forth, the world recognized it as
the masterpiece of a master mind ; it puts itself
into communkm with tiro grea'est intellects of
the age; it threw around Christianity a new
wall of fire ; and infidelity, nsshe bent over its
pages, resolved that silence was prudence.
Turn now your eye to yonder villa on the
shorcsuf the .Mediterranean, and sec another
mighty mind pouring out upon paper its brilliant
thoughts, to be given ere long into the printer's
hands. It is Rvron the Ileuvan-favored, nnd
yet foul-minded Byron in the act of producing
one of his licentious poems, IVradvcnture he
is dreaming of nothing but his own fame; but
he is in reality opening a new fountain of death
upon the world ; ho is making provision to per
petuate hi existence as tho enemy of his race;
he is rendering the splendors of his genius sub
servieiit to the wild nnd desperate purposes of
his heart. Ilolh Hull nnd I5yr.ui are stars
that mustulw.iys shine; but intlio beamsofthe
one there is life in the beams of the other is
death.
I know not whether it is possible to gain n
higher idea of the power of tho press and the
consequent responsibility of thoso who wield it,
than by looking at the effects which it produces
in connection with the political struggles which
occasionally occur in our own history. A nioiu-
bf;r of Congress may rise in his place, and speak
I five minutes by the watch, and yet he may
! have said that which in one week sliull well
j nigh convulse the whole nation. A convention
, may assemble to propose a candidate for the
Presidential chair, and scarcely shall the result
be announced, before the remotest village in the
moft d st ant state shall have responed to it, and
millions of hearts shall be beating, and millions
of hands busy, lor the successor defeat oi the
nomination. An emergency may occur in the
administration of our government that looks
portentous of evil ; nnd yet it slmll scarely have
transpired from the councils of the cabinet, be
fore the details of the w hole matter have passed
under the eye of the nation, and men ot every
class and every character are speculating in re
gard to the policy that should be pursued. And
whenever the waves of public feeling, are
wrought up like the mighty ocean in a storm, it
will always be found thut the press has had a
principal agency in producing the commotion.
I cannot leave this branch of my subject with
out adverting briefly to our periodical literatnre ;
though I regret the necessity of dismissing so
important and fertile a topic with a passing re
mark. What was at first a gontle rill that flow.
ed go silently as scarcely to be observed, ere
long became majestic river; and that has been
gradually widening until it has lost its distine
AND SHAMOKIN JOUKNAL:
Mmbiiry, IVorlliumbcrlaiul Co.
live character in a mighty deluge, that flown
within no definable limits. If there is a single
corner in any of the departments of human
speculation or human action, which our periodi
cal press docs not cover, I know it not. You
may bo a philosopher, or a statesman, a physi
cian or a divine, a farmer or a merchant, an
artisan or an artist, a friend of the muses or a
friend of the graces, and you have only to step
into one of our periodical depositories to supply
yourself with the latest, if not the brightest,
thoughts in the department to which your are
devoted. And you are fortunate indeed if there
is no attempt made to set aside your moral n
gency in this tnatler; for it has come to pass,
in these dny, that periodicals eometo ns unhid
den; and what comes at first with the editor's
compliments, is followed up in due lime by the
publisher's bill.
But without hazarding any speculations upon
tho trade, I may say with confidence that the
man who conducts a widely extended periodical,
presides at one of the chief fountains of public
influence, lie keeps himself inconstant, though
invisible, contact with thousands and thousands
of minds. They may take little note of the ef
fect which he produces upon them, and may
even silently congratulate themselves that their
opinions are their own ; nnd yet he may behold
ing them spell-bound under his magic influence.
While he determines the manner in which no
small part of their lima shall be spent, he im
perceptibly helps to mould their taste, guide
their judgement, fix their prejudice, nnd give
complexion to their character. Yonder is the
respectable quarterly, devoted to the interest of
science and literature of philosophy or religion.
It goes abroad to do a glorious work : and pos
tcrity will sec that the name of its editor has a
place on the liat of the world's benefactors
Yonder is a weekly sheet, designed as a vehicle
of slander and falsehood, of pollution and imp
ety. Its issues are like the opening of a cage
of unclean birds. The vulgar herd together al
the corners of the streets, to glut themselves
over it. Its editor is a scourge to his genera
tion.
Who then can estimate the influence fur
good or evil of the periodical press ! Who can
estimate the number of individuals whom
reaches, the amount of time which it engrosses,
the expenditure of thought and feeling to which
it lead:?, the decisive bearing which it has upon
our individual, social, and national interest 1 It
is not a small matter, my friend to be the con
dnctor even of a country newspaper ; and I
would sny to every man who aspires even to
Auf vocation, "Sit you down first, ami count
the cost."
rumors nnucs.
At the c-.fner of Ilayard and llowcy. New
York, is a hotel called the North American, nnd
on the top thereof you may spy a wooden image
of lad with ragged knees and ellrows, whose
mother doesn't know they are out. Tint im
age commemorates the history of a yankec boy,
of the name of David Reynolds. Some fifty
years ngo he came here nt the nae of 10 or 1 1,
without a copper in his pocket. I think he hail
run away; at all events, he was alone and
friendless. Weary nnd hungry he leaned up
against a tree, where the hotel now stnmls,
every eye looked strnnge upon him, and he felt
forlorn and disheartened. While he was trying
to devi'se some honest means to obtain food, a
gentleman inquired for a buy to cury his trunk
to the wharf; and the yaukee eagerly oil. Ted
his services. For the job he received twenty
five cents; most ot which ho spent l'r fnit to
sell ui'.'uu. I le stationed iuuuelfby tiiu friend
ly tree, where he had fi.-rt ohl'iincd employ
ment, and soon disposed of Ins stock to advan
tage, and '.s it!i increased capital he increased
his stuck. He must havs managed his buincs.
with yaukee shrewdnes, or perhaps ho was a
cross of Scotch and Yankee, for he soon estab
lished a respectable fruit stall beneath the tree,
and then he bought a small shop that t-tu.nl
within the ,-hude, and then he purchased u lot
of land, including several buildings round ; and
finally he pulled down the old hou.-e and b.i.H
up the large hotel which now stands there. The
old tree seemed to hilo lll-e home. There he
had met w uh his good luck in a strange city,
nnd lr.mii.lay today, "'id from month to mouth,
thoie friendly iMutghs had still btoked down
upon his rising fortune. He would not desert
that which stood by him in tho dicary hours cf
poverty and trial. It must be moved to make
room for tho big mansion, but it should not bo
destroyed. From its beloved trunk he caused
his image to be carved, as a memento of his own
forlorn beginnings, and of his grateful recollec
tions. That it might tell a truthful ta'.e, and
remind of early struggles, tho ric'.i citizen of
New York caused it to bo carved with ragged
trowser, and jacket out at the elbow s.
A Hist. 'You chargo me fifty sequins, taid
a Venetian nobleman to a sculptor, 'for a bubl
that cost yMi only ten days' labor.' 'You for
got,' replied the artibt, 'that I had been thirty
years learning to make that bust in ten days.'
there is no appeal but to force, the vital principle and
la. Sulmdsiy, JVov. mill.
Reviving lle red.
Mantaccini, the famous charlatan of Paris,
was n young man of good family, and having
in a few years squandered a l.trire estate, nnd
reduced himsclfto lieggnry, he felt that he mnt
exercise his ingenuity or starve. In this stite
of mind he cast his eyes round the varioti? do
vices whirl, nva frnrn inrl.tr-nrn. nod urn wn-t ; (
.
favored by fortune. He soon perceived that"11 icgai u.squ.suions. u nas never oe.oro neint
charlatanism was thai on which this blind bene- ! Ion me to be obliged to prosecute so direful,
fortress lavished her favors with most pleasure, !
nnd in the orentest abundance. An adroit and i
loquacious domestic was the only remaining I
attideofall his former j-randeur ; he dressed j
him up in a gold inced liverv, mounted a splen-1
did chariot, and stalled on the tour under the j
name, style, e.nd title of "the celebrated Dr.
M.intaccini, who cure nil diseases with a sin-
glo touch, or a simple look." i
-,.,.,,.., , ;
Not finding that he obtained ns much prac- 1
1 i
tice ns his daring genius anticipated, ho deter-
11
tinned to resort ti still higher ll.glits. He le:t ,
, , "
I'aris, nnd modestly announced l.iniselt at l.v-
ons as'-the celebrated Dr. Mantaccun, whore-
, , .,, ,, , , I
vivos the dead at will. Tu remove a I doubt
he declared that in filtcen days he would go to j
the common church-yard and restore to life, its
inhabitant., though buried for ten years. This
declaration excited a general rumor and tiuir- j
niur against the doctor, w ho, not in the least!
.i: t .... i .i- ;... I ... !
uim.iirvi -i nun-, niiiimn in im; inn imi .1 it; anil 1 e-
c . ;
questcu tliat lie might tie tmt under guaw to i
1
prevent his escape, until he should perform his
nndertakieg. The proposH,.... insp.rcl !
greatest confidence, and the whole cty came
... v.. uu j-"--'
nuuim ur nr. ills ceusiitiaiioiis were iiiosr. 110- .
11 .. r
merous, anu nc receiv. u large sums 01 money. ,
At length the famous day approached, and Hie j
doctor's vaVt learing for his slemlders, began ;
to mnniteai signs o. uneasiness i ou h.iow ;
noii.mg 01 inankin... sain tne qmcK ia uis scr- j
vsnt, "be quiet." Scarcely had he spoken these j
woros wuen iiic waowmg leuer was prec.Hc. ,
:o nun iron, a ncu cnuen . -c.r, n.e great o- ,
peration y.m are going to pertonn, lias i.roken
my rest, j have a wite l.uri.M tor some tune,
who was a fury, and I am unhappy enough al- j
reauy, wiuioui ner reMirrccuon. in me came ;
ol Heaven .10 not n.aKe me t.vper.inent. I w 1.1 ;
give yon nity i-uis to Keep your secret to your- j
self." ln an infant aller, two dashing beaux :
nrriveii, who, witn tne in..?i earnest supplies-
I ions entreated linn not to rai.-e titeir o.d fatiier,
meny tne gvearcM nuser .1. i:ie cu. ns, in
sucti an event, tm-y wo.1,.1 he reuoeeu 10 n,o
most deplorable indigence. 1 Dey ottei e,t him
a fee of liity l.v.'.i?, M:t the it.KMor stiooti his nesu
in doubtful compliance. Se.ircely had they rcti- u.w somever, os it was she, cousin Sally Dil
red, w hen a yo-.-.ns w i.l uv. on the eve of matri- ;ar,i jtose iC nwut go
niepy threw hcrseli at the feel of the quack, , Cio;s. In tho name ofcommon sense, Mr.
and, with subs and sighs, implored his mercy. '. Urri, what do you mean by this rigmarole.
In short, from nvun till night, the doctor reeei- U'ifness. Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and
ved letters, vis-its, present?, fees, to an excels, j ctlrn p,,, Dilliard, she came over to our
whiidi absolutely overwlu -lined him. The minds p,,,,, aud axcd me jf r,y wife Bie n,oul't g0,
of the citizens were dilV-n-ntly and violently a. j j f(llj cousj Sally Dilliard
gitatrd.soiiie by fear, and others by curiosity, j CAos Strq., sir, if you please: wc don't
so that the chief magistrate, of the city waivd I want t0 ,earany thing about cousin Sully Dil-
upon the dnctor, and said : ,-Sir, f have not the
least doubt, from my experience of your laie
ta lout", that Voil will be abb' to accniupli-h the
resurrec'ion in our church yard the day alter
to-morrow, according to your premise ; but I
pra v you to observe that our city it in the utuio-t
uproar and confusion, nod loconsider the dread-
fill revolution the success of your experiment
.nust pro,lu:e in every family ; f entreat yen, :
therefore, net to attempt it, but togoaw ay, e.tvl ,
thus restore the tranquility of the city. In jus- ;
lice, however, to your nr.: s:id il.vinc tal-T.t-,
I shall :;ivo you an r.ftest-ilmn, indue form, uu- ;
dor our seal, t!.i.t you can r t icr the dead, and j
that it wasi.nr own fault that we v. ere net eye- :
w itiie.-.se.-; of your niwei." This certificate wa- 1
d'llv signed ;at I ili livere.l iiiid D.v M int i' i i'.i :
iell I yens lor oilier ci! i. s t.i woik new intru
des. Inn s-hoi t trite he fti'med t.. l'ari-, lei-d.-d
with gnld, w lu re lie laughed at tlu- p.ipu'ar
.leiiii'.ity. I'liyyic na.I i' iu.'. v.
AtliMi'M ami vi Mi-ii vta:! -'."e have fie-
quently heard i f the , n!er,ee of uvw lli in oi- 1
dlliarv talent .'Mn'nle I by a little b U-iW in I !i i - !
i
place, of humble nrig.u, but w ho rejn.crs in the
euphonious and cla-s-ie names ol" Mii.ion Mooui:.
He has fioio his rhildboxol, 'icn indications l
tloverncss nut verj couiuiou, and though at this
time but thiitccn years ;f age, he has f xhiblted
spcciiucnsof intuitive art and mechanicHl skill
which are not often met with, tne') as minia
ture fire c.igine, draw ing, paintings, &c. More
receciiy he has turned his attention to bculp-
iure, and lhe little but rough slubs of marble, in
his persevering and skillful hands have hern re
duced to shape, and represent flowers wit'i a
beauty and truthfulness to nature, which proves
beyond a doubt that Milton Moore isanembi vo
Cleavinger orGreenough. What he hue done,
so far, may be regarded as mere child's play
it is his way ef enjoying his honro of leisure,
and if the man equals the promise of tho boy,
Milt" will gnshesd and no mi-take.
f'aoileirlvrg (T.i) Whip.
immediate parent of despotism. Jarmaso.
Vol. lo. a--Wliole JVo, ICS.
Vrom Alkinsnn'i Casket.
rorsix sAi.i.r dixliarp.
Scene. A CoenT of Justice im N. Carolina.
A beardless disciple of Themis rises nd thus
I addresses the Court:
I 'May it please your Worship.nnd you gentle-
u.en of tho Jury, since it has been my fortune
- l - 1 j f .. :tl v . , ,
- on" ur ' nul 10 exercise mysei.
I 1 ri. t r i
c,i anJ "lal.c.ous asnult-a more wilM,
vl,,i"m' """Sous. nu mur.terons oauery, ano
bnally a more diabolical breach has seldom Imp-
PrilPU ln a civinzea country, ana I dare say it
Uns "Uom l,ccn yur du,y- t0 P3SS "Pn 01,0 80
""S ocncvoie.u leenngs as in.f, wmcn
looU !""ce ovtr al Captain Kice a in this conn-
bnl J'ou will tiearfrom tlie witnesses. Hie
wl"'sscs uting sworn, two or mree uemg ex-
amineu nnu ueposeu onottiat tie nau neara tne
, ,., . , , . , ,
ll.ii--r nnrl ill. I nnt ans llif. ritrlitnnritinr that
;, ., , . , ,, . ? . . ,
fm e.-iw thn rrtiv lint riirl nt btinur whn afriirb
, , . ... , , . , , ,
first and a third, that he was very drunk and
, . , , , .
. r,, , b ,
Lawyer Chops. I am sorry gentleman, to
. . . . . 1 ....
nuvu uccupimi so mucu 01 your lime Willi me
stupidity of the witnesses examined. It arises
gentlemen, altogether from misapprehension on
my part. Had 1 known as 1 now do, that I had
a witness in attendance, who was well nc-
riilnintfil u'itli nil t 111. eirnimetnnrAa rtf llio on
' ...v.
. . 11 , , , ,
mill who was able to make himselt clearlv un-
, . , . . ,. , , ,,
ocrstaod bv 1 10 court and mrv. I should not
mvc ,rcBpMcd on Jour lMc and patjcnce
t.wc forward, Mr. Harri. and bo sworn. So
fi )nvurJ conrs lhc wif a fut
illiail, a -lectio' corned, and took his corporal
oll-Kt vvitll an air
CAllM M. i,arri wc .:. ,0 M
ifc,llt uic riot that happened the other day at
c ,ain Rjce. anJ aea j j , f j ,
Ci.t( ulroa()y wafted jn circum,ocu,inn( we wirfl
you to bo coinppdioUB an j t(ie snllle tim
CK , jclt Me.
;,rr,,..EdZactly.' giving the lawyer a
Llunving wjk( aUhc . time c,earilis lis
throat Captain Rico, he gin a treat, and cou
bi( aajiy D,ilar,( ei,c cam0 0VPr to our 10Ue
an(1 axcd me ir,Iiy wifebhe niout'nli ga . I told
Su,y Di.iard( ,iat my v.ife waa hciug aa
,1(nv w h,1(j a touch of lhe Rhcuinatics itl the
lip und tie big swamp was in the road, and the
ewuinp v.as up( for ticre ,ad been a hcap
; , rin ateyi bllt howsomcver as it was she,
C(,llfcll, Kttny D,Hiarj( ,y wifoshe niout go.
Wtll.cousin Sally Dilliard then asked me if
, MiVit( ,)(J niotlt-llt ?0. j tod C01)Hin Sa)ly Di
, l!lrd ,)lat Mos0( iC was the foreman of the crop
aI,,j tiu crop WM 8iar,y in the grass ; but
llaid and your wife tell us about the fight at
I! .ce's.
Witness. Well, I will sir it you will let
me.
Chops. Well, sir; goon.
U'i'inrss. Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat
a,u, cmsill s.ly ,illiarif she came ovcr ,0 Pllr
hou
i'o
v, and asked me if my wife she mout'nt
( 'hops. There it is again witness, witness
p'eme to Stop.
Witness. Well sir, what do you want ?
Chops. Wc want to know ubout tho fight
and you must pioceed to this important sto
ty -do you Know any thing about, the matter
before tho court.
Witness.-To be i-ure 1 do.
I 'hp-. Will you go on and tell it and no
1 1 1 . i : else !
itness. Well, Captain Rice he gm a
treat,
Chops. This is intolerable, may it please
the Court I move that this witness be commit
ted for a co;;tet:ipt he seeir.sto be trifling with
t! e court
( Witness you nre now before a court
of S j.-tiee, mid unless you behave yourself in a
in. re becoming manner, you will be sent to
j ul, so begin and tell what you know about the
fight at Captain luce's.
11 if nesr.- (alarmed,) Well gentleman
Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Gaily
Dilliard
CI.eps. ! hspe this witness may be ordered
into custody.
Court, (after deliberating-) Mr. Attorney
tho Court is of opinion thut we may save time
by tilling the witness to go on his own way.
Proceed, Mr. Harris, with your story, but stick
to the point.
Witness Yes, gentleman, well, Captain
Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dilliard
she came over to our house and axed ine if my
wife she mout'nt go. I told cousin Sally Dil
liard that my ife the way pearly be ng as how
or ai i:rtisi.'.
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g'lJi i.... . . i.. . '- in
sho had lhc Rheumatics in the hip, and the big
swamp was up ; but howsomevcr as it was she,
cousin Sally Dilliard, my wifo sho niout go.
Well cousin Sally Dilliard then axed me if Mose
he mout'nt go. I told cousin Rally Dilliard as
how Mose, he was the foreman of the crop,
and the crop was smartly in the grass; but
howsomcver, as it wa9 Bhe, cousin Sally Dil
liard, Muse ho mout go. So they goes on to
gether, Mose, my wife and cousin Sally Dil
liard, and they comes to the big swamp, ai.d
lhc big swamp was up as t was telling you ; bi t
being as how there was a log across the bi
swamp, cousin Sally Dilliard and Mose, I ik
genteel folks they walked the log, but my vif
like a fool, waded, and gentlemen that's llm
leight of what I know about it !
A Broken Heart.
People talk an everlasting sight of nonsense
about wine, women, aud horses. I've bough',
and sold 'em all, I've traded in all of them, and
I tell you, there ain't one in a thousand thut
knows a grain about cither on 'em. You henr
folks say, Oh, such a man is an ugly grained
critter, he'll break his wife's heart ; just as if a
woman's heart was as brittle as a pipe stalk.
The female heart, ns my experience goes, isjist
like a new Indian rubber shoe ; you may pull
and pull as it strcatches out a yard long, and
then let go, and it will fly back to its old shape.
Their hcartsavo ninde of stout leather, I tell
you, there's a plaguy sight of wear in 'cm.
I never knew but one case of a broken heart.
and that was in to'ther sex, one Washington
Banks. He was a snoZT. He was tall e-
nough so spit down on the heads of yourgreu
adinrs, and near about high enough to wade a
cross Charleston river, and as strong as a tow
boat. 1 guess ho was somewhat less than a foot
longer than the moral law nnd catechism too.
He was a perfect picture of a man j you coulJ'nt
fault him in no particular; ho was so just a
made critter, folks uscJ to run to the winder
when he passed, and ray there goes Washing
ton Banks, beant he lovely 1 I don't believe
there was a gal in tho Lowell factories, that
want in love with him. Sometimes at intermis
sion, on Sabbath days, when they all cania out
together, (an atnain hansom sight too, ncsr a
bouta whole congregation of young gals) Bank
used to say, I vow young ladies, I wish I had
five hundred arms to reciprocate one with each
of you; but I reckon I have a heart big enough for
you all, it's a whapper, you may depend, and e
very mite and morsel of it at your service.
Well how you do act, Mr. Bank-, half a thou
sand little clipper-clapper tonguer. could saj-.r.'l
at the same time, aud their dear little cy
sparklin, like so many stars twinklin of a fit.;
ly night.
Well, when I last see'd hun, he was all tl i
and biines, like a horse turned out to die. II
wastetotally deflcshed, a mere walkin skele
ton. 1 am dreadful sorry, says I, to tee you.
Bsnks, lookin fo pecked, why you look like i
sick turkey hen, all legs ; what on airtha.'i
you! I am dyin, says he, of a fcroAcn htait.
What, says I, have the pals been giltin you !
No, no, says he, I beaut such a fool as that ne
ther. Well says I, have you made a bad spec
ulation ! No, says he, shakin hii head, I hopj
( have too much clear grit in me to take on s
bad for that. What under the sun, is it, then
said I. Why, says he, I made a bet the forJ
part of summer with Leftenant Oby Knowles,
that I could bhoulder the best bower of the Con
stitution frigate. I won my bet, lut the An
ehor it was so elernul heaiy thut it Lrohe vri
heart. Sure enough he did die that very fall,
und he whs the only instance I ever hacrd teM
of a broken heart. Sam Slick.
Wiit.Ki: voe utoiiT to hvvc ur.rs. A cler
gyman who is in tho habit of preaching in the
ditlerent parts of the country, happened to bu
at nn inn where he observed a horse jockey
trying to take in an honest man, by iuipoaitig;
iiH)n him a broken win led horse for a 6ouiul
one. Tho parson knew the bud character of tho
jockey, and taking the gentleman aside, tol l
him to be cautious of the person ho was dealing:
with. The gentleman finally declined the pur
chase, nnd tho jockey quite nettled, observed,
'Parson I had much rather hear you pleach,
than see you privately interfere in bargains
between man and man in this way. 'Why,
replied the parson, 'if you would have been
w here you ought to hvo been laal Sunday, you
laight have hearJ ine preach." 'Where wae
that?' enquired the jockey. 'In tho Stut
Prison,' returned the clergyman.
Homk Pkotf.ction. Passing by I-afayelte?
Square last evening, we heard two fellows, wh'j
sat on one of lb benches, discussing very pro
foundly the leading party political measures of
the country.
You is in favor of home protection, 'uu'tyou
Jim V said oneoftin.ru.
'Well, I reckon I is. Bill,' raid the other, but
that what the w rugs tell about home protcctju'i
is all gammon there aint no home protection
IXies you think il there was, that my o'd wo
man 'ud give ine g oss as sho does 1 No, Bill,
all that ere about hone protection is a wagus
idea - There aint none for fi llers like me.'
AT. 0 Fir.