TERMS Ol' THE " AMERICA'."
H. D. MA8SER, ? roBLisan 4bd
JOSEPH EISKI.Y. $ Pi.oran.Tor.s.
Ml. it. MASSEUt Editor
0tce in Centre Alley, in the rear of IL B. Ma
ser's Sliire.
Til C AMERICAN" is published every 8atur-
umj mi i nu uui.iiAita per annum to lie
t e . . . . .
jibiu nan ye.iriy in advance. lo paper Uisconiin
tied till Alt lit.aiii naiil
I
Wo subscriptions received for lost period than
ha nunmsi mi luiuiuuiiiiauuiis ui ii'uvrs un
business relating to the ollice, to insure attention,
mini ra ru.-vi imiu.
From the Knkke-liorkrr,
womrs on vixr.
An cpi-tlo tn the President of the New Englxnd
Hurirtv, who recommended ihe introduction of
Women in place of Wine, at Eutcrtainmciil.'.
'Ono of the two. according to y.mr choice.
Women or wine you'll have to undergo ;
Both maladies nre fulnl to our j.ivs;
Hut whirl) to choose 1 rral'y hardly know.
T hive tried both ; so (hoe who would a part tnke.
May choose between tho head actio and the heart
sche.' Brno.
OI ! wenk am! foot-hardy reformer,
To substitute women for nine ;
The c'ow of whiie presence U warmer
Than Ihe sunniest juics of the vine.
Bi lb ve me, i s- fitnl are julep
Than women in witeheiy -killed ;
For there ouze more venom from two lipa
Than ever from grain was distilled.
Who barters fur beauty hia whiskey.
The change will he cert.iin to rue ;
F r her eyes filed a spirit more fri.-ky
Than lurks in the best 'mountain-dew.'
Ah ! ihoe eyes at e.irh meeting so merry
You'll find to nut-p irkle champagne ;
And tingleis more gnldi n than sherry
W;ll fuddle as wi II the poor train.
Morn t.ipering necks than the bottle's.
With mouths more bewildering crowned,
Will pour from their raiMi ng throttles,
A stream that a sage would confound.
If wine makes us brute, love is able
To turn ua to fools with like ease :
If the one lays ua under the table,
T'otlii r brings us at Usui to our knees.
After dinner when warmed with good eating,
'Tis women, not wine, we should flee :
Peif'ct I.oveV a chaeae exfe mire healing
Than ever abused 'eaude tie.'
St II nt table some michief she's brewing ;
O't feet srrtjir acquaintance bi low ;
Ah ! no heel-tnpa so pregnant with ruin
As those hi.Uin taps of the toe.
And hsnds, between courses at leisure,
M ke fiiicds whi n there's no one to mark :
Ah ! less poion yield gripes undir pressure,
ThBn fingers thus sque zed in the dark.
As hit" c reel the toper of beauty.
Hnw rnmin bin Hvpc, poor elf!
How fi vered he n'cep-! how his duly
la left to lake care of ii If !
When thwarted, how palsied his power,
Till he rinks in despair at do oh's iljor ;
Oh ! if worn m her viri m thua loners,
What, I hfk.ran the bottle do more t
No spirit so ardent ns woman's
fco sure to intoxicate mm :
Her L.tirh i delirium ttemens,'
That maddens him moie than the can.
The glance of her eye is blue ruin,'
Hei I In h is the blood of the vine,
lit r pout i a punch, in whose brewing
Tart, sugar, and spirit cm' inc.
So sparkling, so heating, so heady,
No hope for her victim npjears :
Should her smiles only render hire giddy,
He'll be surely made drunk by her liars.
Not the grape juice of Eden made Adam
80 stupidly fulfil his ail ;
But the lure of hi- volatile, Madam
Led him tip-ily on to his fall,
Ni-I 'he wires of fair C prus the rover
Ho sure as its women liecu le :
Uei'rr rest where he is, half-seas over,
Than stvei l. r so fatal n is e.
O ! (hen shun such a 'empter ns this is,
Nor rommeii' e so hiiznnloua court :
Who m' arks en tho wuvia of her tresses,
Will grieve llidl he vei.tuttd fionrt Tart.
Furrcv.
Castle bi'H.dino. The habit of w hat in
common parlance is called '-buildinp cattes in
the oir" lias a most pornicious influence on the
health of the mind. There is a lerrit:n)ate exer
cise of the imnrrinative faculty which is advan
tageous to the understanding', and to this no
reusonahle objection can be urped ; but when
the fancy is allowed '-to body forth the form of
thinps unknown," without bein under proper
discipline, much evil will result. Individuals
endowed with an unhealthy expansion of tho
imspination create a world within themselves,
in which the mind revels until all consciousness
of the reality which surrounds them is lot.
The disposition to reverie is very pernicious to
intellectual health. Many habituate themselves
to dream with their eyes open, without their
senses being literally shut ; they appear to be
insensible to the impression of objects external
in themselves. This condition of mind borders
closely upon the confines of insanity. If the
imagination be thus permitted to obtain so pre
dominant an influence over the other faculties
of the mind, some particular notion will affix
itself upon the fancy ; all other intellectual
gratifications will be rejected ; the mind, in wea
riness or leisure, recurs constantly to tho favour
ite conception, and feasts on tho luscious false
hood whenever she is offended by the bitterness
of truth. By degrees the reign of fancy is con
firmed : the grows first imperious, and in time
despotic ; the fiction begin to operate as reali
ties, false opinions fasten upon the mind, and
life passes 111 dreams of rapture or angu'uh.
Oh, haaving !" cried a nice old lady, the 0
thcr day, "if the world docs como to an end
nct year, what shall I do for snuff!"
SUNBUMY AMERICAN.
AND SIIAMOKIN JOURNAL.
Absolute acquiescence in the decisions of the
lf Nasser & Elscly.
for the AMrnrcA.
THE RIDDLER.
Juvenile Department.
ENIGMA.
I am composed of 13 letters.
My 9, 8, 11 and 7, was the favorite of Burns.
My 11, 5,9, has ruined thousands.
My 0, 11, 15, is the noblest work of the Dcie-
'
My 1,12, fl, is the wages of Death.
My 4, 5, :i, is a delicious cake.
My 1, 2, 1, 9, 15, is n lady's name.
My 13, 11, 4, is a vehicle,
My 1,5, 3, rules the day.
My 13, 11, 7, is to weep.
My 4, 10, 14, 11, is an animal.
My 11, 1, 1, 10, 15, 13, 10, is what all
lovers dread.
My 1, and 7, (inclusive,) is a much admired
villnpeonthe Rtiscjtiohanna.
My and 1 1, (inclusive,) is a name dear to
every youth of our happy country, and,
My whole is a neat, useful, well conducted,
Democratic news paper.
A solution is requested.
CHARADE.
My first, in what Printers hnte,
In sand my second is found,
My third is an exclamation
That has a hollow Found,
My fourth is where soldiers dwell,
Then mW the final e,
My whole is what the ladies We,
When they amused would be.
Mr. Editor : Please tell me sir, w hat re-
lation is that child to its 0111 father, that is not
its fathers otrri son
A man having a fox, a pnose, and a basket of
corn to take apross the Susquehanna, his boat
beiiifr too small to lake more than one at a time,
how then can he take them across, in order to
prevent the fox from entinp the goose, or the
goose from eating the corn !
FROM THE SATl'BDAV Mt srrM.
An f wets to the Charadei of lubt week.
1. Evnil-LASTINO.
2. Watch-Mas.
Answer to Enigma.
The animal sent was an autulupe (.4m il
"") The fruit returned was a cantelopo (Can't
elope.)
Answer to Conundrums.
1. It is sin-oit-n -mouse (tynanymous.)
2. Because thry are too long and two loose
(Toulon and Tvlouse.)
3. R-ii-t-hy (are yon alii 7)
4. Ileolten runs for a plate or a cup.
5. He's a bit of a buck.
G. On the other side.
CHARADES.
I.
My first we oft lend to each other in turn,
To borrow it would be excessively droll ;
My next, near my first you may often dis
cern ;
In my first, too, alas ! you'll perhaps find
my whole.
II.
Drink deep of my first : admit me to your
second : and let me play upon my whole.
CONUNDRUMS.
1. Why is a madman like two men !
2. What is a man like, that is in the midst
of a river and can't swim !
3. Why is a lady curling her hair like a
housebreaker 1
-1. Why is a man in a fevtr like a burning
candle !
5. Why is your hat, when it is on your head,
like a pihlet pie ?
G. Why is a good story like a school-bcli !
B.riir.t.0Ks in Dasuir. The Boston Mer
cantile Journal gives an account ofa new rem
edy which damsels ofa particular age have of
procuring, if not a lui-b;ind a generous equiva
lent in money for that deficiency. It appears
that a fair ilainsel lately brought an action a
gainst a faithless swain in a neighboring state,
to recover in the shapeof dollars and cents, con
solution for a breach of promise of marriage.
The evidence of promise having been given,
was not clearly proved, but thn court very pro
perly decided, that if he did not promise, he
ought to have done it. And tbe jury agreed
with the judge and the unfortunate man was
compelled to open his purse strings, and pay for
his ungallant omission.
Nos'ur upon tinkers; they are found in eve
ry honorable profession. Your politician's a
tinker in mending the State kettle, when he
patches up one hole he makes two ; your poet's
a tinker : he hamniered out new works from
other men's old wit ; the lawyer's a tinker: he
deals in brass, and opens more flaws than he
stops ; and what's your physician! Why, a
tinker, too; a brazier of old battered constitu
lions, and if he cures you of a .ou,i will take
care to leave a rheumatism behind for a new
job.
"Matrimony" may bo anagramatized into
"O ! try man '." and 'Huhbond" into "Ah ;
anub'd !" Ootid j'es for bachelors, but no fun
to inaried men.
majority, the vital principle of Republics, from which
Sunbury, Norfliuiiibcrlaiitl Co.
Health and Animal Heat.
It is highly important for every person to
understand the necessity of supplying the body
with a proper proportion of oxygen and carbon
for the preseivation of health and animal heat.
Oxygen is indispensable in every breath we
draw. An adult man takes into his system,
says Lnvoizier, 730 pounds of oxygen annually.
All animals, whose ex stence depend on the
absorption of oxygen, have a sourco of hrat
within them, independent of external objects.
That heat is the result of combination of oxy
gen and carbon, which produce combustion, and
gives just as much heat in the body, as it would
if burnt in tho air or in oxygon gas.
The temperature of the human body is the
same in all climates, and depend on the quanti
ty of oxygen taken into the system. Animals
which breath frequently, as infants, coilsuiiik
more oxygen, and have therefore a higher tem
perature of heat than those which respite less
frequently. Infants are therefore warmer than
adults, and birds warmer than quadrupeds.
Man requires more oxygen in cold than
worm weather, o supply the diminution of
hcatcatned by cold. As food furnishes carbon
or fuel in the body, and oxygen is the fire,
when the amount of oxygen is increased in win
ter, the amount of food containing carbon and
hydrogen, must also he increased in proportion.
A starving man will soon freeze to death in
winter. Hence we know that animals of prey
are much more varocious in cold climates than
worm.
Our clothing is an equivalent for a certain
quantity of food. The savages in northern lat
itudes, who go naked, can consume without dif
ficulty, ten or twelve pounds of flesh, and per
h.nps a dozen of tallow candles, or a gallon of
fish oil into the bargain, because the quantity of
carbon and hydrogen contained in them would
be required by the quantity of oxygen consu
med to keep up the equilibrium between the
temperature of their bodies and the external at
mosphere. The northern man who goes into southern
climates, from the increased he it. does not in
hale as much oxygen as the colder climate
required, and therefore does net need as much
food or carbon; and findinghis appetite fail, re
sorts to stimulants to increase it, and hiis in
troduces more carbon into his system than
there is oxygen to consume, disease therefore
follows. Li eLig's Chemistry.
Foil Mriini:R. The following is a copy of
a letter to the St. Louis Republican, dated Au
burn, Mii-souri, February 15th :
"On the evening of the 13th inst., a rencon
ter took place in the neighborhood ol New
Hope, Lincoln county, Missouri, between Reu
ben Jackson and Jotdon M. Gibson, w hich was
about as follows :
"A difficulty had arisen between them, res
pecting a pre-emption claim ; and, on the even
ing mentioned, Gibson and wife were return
ing home from a neighbor's house ; and met
Jackson ; some warm words passed, and Jack
sou drew a pistol, upon which Gibson ran to a
tree ; Jackson pursued him up to the tree, and
after pr ssing round the tree tw ice or three
times, suddenly stopped, and met Gibson on ihe
other Eide, and immediately fired, the bull pas
sing through his heart. Jackson stood looking
upon his victim, until Gibson's wifo came up,
and turned him over, and found him lifeless.
He then broke for the woods and has not yet
been taken."
Qt axtitv or Bueatii in Man and Woman.
The French ore a most experimenting race,
and their diocoverics in the arts end scii'iices
are proverbially 111 advance of Uhur nations.
By experiments made ut the Paris Academy of
Sciences, and arrived at by an ingeniuiiH spe
cies ot mask being placed over the fuco of the
person whose breuth was to bu examined, it
was ascertained that man gives out a larger
quantity than woman, and this difference is
most striking between the ages of siitcen and
forty, at which latter period the quantity of car
bunic acid given out by the male is double that
of the female. In tlio male the quantity goes
on increasing from the age of eight years to thir
ty, utter which it begins to diminish ; and. as
a mun becomes older, the dimnution goes on in
un increased degree. In old age, the quantity
is not greater than it was at the age of ten.
Let all men avoid rash speaking. They that
speak without care, often remember their own
words afterward with sorrow ; tliut,e that ex
pect peace and safety, are to rettrain their
tongues with a bridle.
It is good in a fever, much better in anger,
to have tho tongue kept clean and smooth.
Anger may glance into the breast of a w ine
man, but it rests only in the bosom of tools.
What men want of reason for their opinions
they usually supply and make in rage.
Py taking revenge, a man is but iven with
his enemy; but in pist:ng it ovtr, he is superior.
J-t V ..1 .11 - J'-UL ",!.- LIU '-
there i no appral but to force, the vit.it prim iplc
Ia. Saturday. March II, IS43.
The London Plrnrlng-IInnsr.
Francis Lloyd, in his "Visit to the Bank of
Frince," published in Bentley's Miscellany,
says : "I explained to the regents of the bank
tho operation of the Iindon Clearing-house ;
that system so economic of time and trouble,
and without which concentration and rapid
settlement, the enormous balances between tho
banking-houses in the great emporium ol the
commercial world could not be go promptly
struck, or the wheels of our complicated iimue
tiry system could not revolve so evenly and
quickly. I have ahv;;ys thought that the sys
tem ol making bills, drawn from whatever
quarter of the world, or from whatever town or
village in Great Britain, upon all parts of
Great Rritnin, payable in one place, i. e., as
effected daily by one hour's adjustment of the
clearing-house that such muted regulation
and acceleration of finance is t the complex
m ichinery of blinking what the fly-wheel and
governor is to the steam-engine. You may
imagine tho regent's surprise when I told him
that in the Loudon 'Clearing-house," (a plain
room, on part of the site of the old post-office,
in Itmbard street,) a clerk from each private
bank in Imdon attended twice a day for but
half an hour; and commercial obligations wore
collectively discharged to the amount of throe
millions sterling every day in the year, with
not more than a fifteenth of this sum in bank
notes. That, as to using coin, (silver and cop
per,) I could reBilily picture to myself the con
temptuous and derisive expression of the face
which the most juvenile ofthese clearing-clerks
would assume at the bare suggestion. A
thousand millions of pounds sterling, I told
him, were paid last year in this room by these
clerks, not more than forty in numbor a sum
larger than the nutiorml debt ; and that nil the
money used for the operation this balancing
of a year's commercial enterprise in all quar
ters of the globe was affected without a sin
gle error, a moment's delay, and wi'h bits of
paper only the promissory notes of the Bank
of England.
"The sjimnnl circulation of money through
all the branches of the Bank of France is about
eiobt miil'ons. When I hid explained the
clearing system in all its bearing to the re
gents, and the great facility it conferred on
banking operations, they unanimously expres
sed their admiration, and one sa;d,
" 'Ah ! sir, would to God that we could con
centrotc the energies of this country upon ob
jects conducive to its wealth and prosperity, as
you English ore doing. We have energy
enough, and to spare, in France ; but, unhap
pily, that energy is, for the most part, misdi
rected by those who ought to know better.'
"This was the candid avowal of a wealthy
and intelligent man, emulous of the true glory
of his country ; and the sentiments it contained
appeared to coincide with those of tho other
regents who did me the honor to receive me
to-day."
Curious Tale.
An old man, following the occupation of bone
collector, residing in the vicinity of Southamp
ton, passing a marine store shop in that town,
saw in the window an old piece of canvsss, part
of a picture, having umw it the head ot an ox,
which was full of tmall holes and very much
obliterated with filth and age ; he inquired the
price of it, which was 6s. The old man not
having the money, said, "I will pay you a
shilling a week until I have p;:id you for it if
you w;ll 6avo it for me." This was agreed to,
At length the picture was paid for, and the old
man hastened to his humble home with his
bir?ain. He was pursu'ided by some of his
noiirhlmrs to have it varni-hed, and carried it
to Mr. De Lainey. ho then resided in South
ampton, (and now of No. 32, Princess street,
Bristol,) fi ir that purpose. Instead of varnish
ing the picture, Mr. De Lainey, being struck
w ith its beauty, restored it by a newly disco
vered process. After it was done, he offered
the old man 20 fur the picture. "No." says
he, "if it's worth 20 to you, it is worth 20, to
me to look at." Mr. Do lainey then coniiiitini
eated with some connoisseurs in London, whd
"Mine and examined the painting. One of
them commissioned him to purchase it lor him
ot any price, but, strange to say, that although
he offered various sums, until tho amount of
31)00. was offered for it, tho old man still re
fused to part with his treasure, nor is it ex
pected that he ever will dispose of it, aUhough
he is in actual want. The painting is sup
posed to be the finest Copy in existence.
Rath Gazette.
Awri'L Lkap. In New York, on Saturday,
James Gordon, who had been several duy khor
ing under scail.itinn.and a slight delirium, jum
ped out ofa four story window upon the side
walk a few duorssou'li of St, Mark's I'laee,
Third Avenue. Dr. Miller, who had been in
attendance, was immediately sent for, but n'd
discover no marks of any injury except a slight
bru'ke en the ruts-ide i.f the riht ler. He sur
vived until 10 P. M., and if there was any seri
ous injury, it mur.t have btcn interna!.
and immediate parent of desp nism. Jrrrsnso-r.
Vol. 3Xo. 21 VHiulo Xo. 138.
ADVICKTO ntCUKt.OItS.
nr mr.. tnwmn ritooit.
Wnrin'sT ihou divine the miidcn's lore,
Thtt ne'er hss hoen eolifcst,
Strive not by questioning to mne
The silence of l.er b-eml ;
For l.ove h is mnnv untnught ways
Tit m-ke j: secret known
A side-Ions itlnnre, a word of praise,
Be-lovv'd on t'10. id nfl.
If -be. thee for aoo'ber mmes,
Then sees tbe find niii;ikr;
Wl.tb. o'i t her cheek, a lhvissnd slumer
lo e n ciiiui bliih s bre.k,
1)0 hurries lo sme idle theme
With well-nssunvd conrtrn,
Be sum lb t ih"U sri in her d' tnm,
A rid seek no more to letrn
For pnt ily t! y sense she'll chest.
To hid the truth fr rn ihee ;
WH'p, btrk'cs-" yon'h ! there's no retreat
From the sweet witchery,
Bewild'rii.it Ihee in fend imili1,
A rapiite to ihe Sjiell
Th t dwells in the enchanting gnto,
!ill X'-reis'd too well.
If --hp could s'srt then check surprise
Or Isiurh. vet licking mirth-
Then dnrt tho lith'ning of her eyrs
Prune to the senseless rsrth
Whenever thou sppronrhest nigh,
Be FUre ihst thou rt drar
And in her boim lurks a sigh
Me.nt not for thre to he.ir.
Compel her nut, then, to disclose
What sVsme would hide within,
'Pi rudely ravishing the rose
A rentier hand should win.
TI e fairest fl tw'r lhat ever grew
Soon lo"s i's perfume
When csther'd while expires each hue
Fond sunbeams kia'd to bloom ;
So nve, an ei tic m st rire.
Thrives in the vi-gin's brertst
In native beamy leave it there,
Its genial plnce of rest.
L't the soft veil of myt'ry still
Enveloi ihe coy thought.
The fi.st 1 lire spa'k'e from tbe rill
Of p ion's fonn'nin enngbt.
Where Ho:e'- hrigM iris tints appenr,
Ti' fleeted in thp ray
Of If 's vounj mro, sromly clcs',
Swifilv to pass aw v
Then be content to let h"r eves
Her h t'l'i swee' ere' tell.
Tor h ! they nee' can discui'
Wh t'- known thfe bu' too w-tll !
N' r force her lips re uc'ant'y
Tit syllsMc the s und
That in the 1 1 irees of her ev
More tiiithful maybe found.
Evirtxrn or Pistufss. At the delivery of
fice (f the Provident Society, the appl;cants
yesterday for work, making shirts nt 12 J cents,
were about eight hundred. The applicant
were women w ith suitable testimonials. This
is a most melancholy evidence of the amount
of positive distress, of pressing want among
a very considerable portion of our population,
a portion entitled to our keenest sympathy and
most active charity. I'hila. Korth American.
The Toad and the Monkey. Tn Madrid,
a newspaper is published under the title of
"The Toad and the Monkey," and self-described
to be "A Journal offensive, revolutionary,
and disgusting, edited by a brutal society, and
addressed to brutes."
The Crescent City says a woman's tongue
has been found capable, on actual experiment,
lately, to move 1,020 times in a minute. Think
of that and weep.
The N. Y. Aurora thinks that coal merchants
would make excellent soldiers they are so
fond of obeying "orders." The word fire, too,
always gives them pleasant sensations.
"Mayo man marry hiswife's sister Via a
question which cun only be properly answered
by the sister herself, when the widower pops
the question.
Some men have all the abilities necessary
to form great characters, but never distinguish
themselves for want of determination they
arc like a good clock never wound up.
Is it not a truth that people who reside in
houses w ith but few windows seldom live long?
A house short of lights, should certainly he
short oflivcTt.
There aro three things which tshould never
bo done in a hurry : threading a needle, shoot
ing wild fowl, and getting married.
Tho fiill that is most likely to injure a per
son's brain is, to fall in love with a pretty
girl.
Love is the k.'iuJow of the morning which
decreases as the day advances. Friendship is
the shadow of the evening, which strengthens
w ith tho setting sun of lilo.
The greatest repose which man can enjoy,
is that which he fuels in desiring nothing.
One seldom funk that for which he seeks,
when he searches for it with impatience.
It is said, there are only threo ways to get
out of 1 quirrel : right out, w ri'e out, or back
out; but the safer mode is to kep out.
"I como to etel," aa tho rat observed to the
trap.
"And I spiing to embraco you," as tbe etcwl
Imp replied to the rut.
TO
rniCES or aivi:ktisixc.
1 square 1 insertion, . fq AO
1 da 3 do . . , 0TI
I do 3 dj . . 1 00
Evry subsequent iertirn, 0
Yearly Advertisements: ont column, 155 half
column, $18, three squares, f 13 1 two squares, f 0 1
ona squire, Ililf.yearly t one column. $18 t
half column, $13 t three squares, $8 ; two squares,
$5 j one square, $3 AO.
Advertisements left without directions a to the
length of time they are Id be published, will he
continued until orjered out, and charged accord
inffly.
C"3Sutccn lines mako a square.
A Ftensiint Witness.
Patrick Scott, Step Father of Eugene Sulll.
van, (one of tho apprentices of the Somer,)
was examined as a witness on an application
ferthe discharge oftheboy. Tho following wJ
part of his cross-examination.
What was the name of your wife before you
married 1 A. I can't tell. Was she a widow
A. She pnii' so. Q. What was tho name of
her first husband 1 A. I believe it was Eugene
Sullivan, bcciuse my wife passed by the nama
of Catharine S illivan before I married her. Q.
How many children had your wife, before sh a
was married 1 A. How can I tell. Q. How
many did yon know of 1 A. There were two
boys before I married her. Q. Were they her
children 1 A. That's more than 1 can tell. Q.
Was Eugene Sullivan ono tftheml A. Ye,
Q. Do you recollect that he left your houe anl
went to sea 1 A. No. Q. Then yon must re
collect his leaving it ! A.I did not say that 1
did not recnllet his leavinj the house, but I
don't recollect his going to eea, for I recollect
nothing about it. I can't tell where he went to,
for 1 did not see him going to sea. Q. Is it
possible that if one of the intimates of your
house, your son or wife, for example, left, your
house and went to sea, that you would not
know it ? A. How could I tell that my wife
went to sea, unless she told mo so when she
came back, and she never told me any such
thing. Q. But you would miss her out of the
house? A. Ofcourse I would but I could not
tell by missing her out of the house that she
was at sea ? Q. Did she ever tell you Eugene
Sullivan was at sea ! A. No. Q. Where it
your w ife now 1 A. How can I tell. Q. When
did ynn see her laFt 1 A. This morning. Q.
Where t A. In tny own house. Q. And yet
5'ou sty you could not tell where she tea ? A.
No, I said no such thing I said I could not tr II
where she is, for alihourjh she was in my housa
this morning, she may not be there now.
Pi.lmoilr vs. I.nbor.
Snooks had occasion to call on the reverend
Domine Thomas Scratchard, while he was at
Glasgow.
'Is the DominP in ! he inquired of a portly
dump, who opened the door.
He's nt hame, but he's no in,' replied the h
dy, Mle'sin the yaird, sonperindendiii' Sauners,
the carpent er. 'Ye can fee him the noo, gif
your business is vera piecue.'
Snooks assented, and walked through the
door pointed to him into the yard, where ha
beheld a carpenter brikly planing a joist to the
air of'Maggie louder,' and the worthy Domine
standing by. Unwilling to intrude on their con
versation, Snooks stepped, unseen, behind a wa
ter cask and head
'Sauners 1'
No answer from the carpenter.
'Sauners, I 6ay 1 Can ye no hear me V
'Yes, minister, I hear ye ! Whal'a your
Wull !'
Can ye no whistle some mair solemn and jjod
ly tune while ye're at your wark V
Avvecl, minister, if it be your wull, I'll e'en
dee it.'
Upon which he changed the air to the deal
march in Saul, greatly to the hindrance of what
was now really painful planing. The Domine
looked on some minutes in silence, and then
began :
'Sauners, I had anither word to say till ye.
Did the gude wife hire ye by the day's darg, or
by the job V
'The day's darg was cur 'greetng, maister.'
Then, on the whole, Sauners, I think ye
maun just as weel gie bach to w histling bonnie
Lauder.
Nimrod and the Moos. Nimrod looking
at the moon the other morning remarked, that
it must be nearly out of change. "Why so ?"
asked we. Because I see it has got to its last
quarter," replied the urchin. We treated to
a glass of root beer.
A gentleman, the other day, on asking a mar
ketman thn price ofrggs, was answered, "Eggs
arc eggs now." "I am glad to hear it, with
alt my heart ; for tho last 1 bought of you were
hn'S chickens."
An editor, lately married, inquires of the Pi
cayune the price of tuition charged by the Sheet
Iron Band. He thinks it meat that his lady
should learn the music ol the frying pan f
A gentleman, w ho was importuned by a stur
dy beggar, answered liiin "My good man, I ain
nearly as poor as yourself, with only the dif
ference that what I have I work for."
Anlrit-hman thus describes a wheelbarrow
"It is a little carriage w.th one wheel and the
horte is a man, w ho goes behind."
A fellow in Arkansas is so short that he has
been often mistaken for pie cru6t.
Tobacco.
T hseeci is an In.lun wee J,
The J v I wa s J the m-sI;
Il robs your jnckeis, sjxiils yuui fl ''has,
AnJ nukos t cbimosy of your no."