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BY S. B. ROW.
CLEARFIELD, PA., "WEDNESDAY, 3IAY 10, 1860
VOL. 6 T0. 38.
3
4
JUDGE KINDLY.
' Judge kindly ! Oh, you cannot tell
How oft the troubled heart
May seek to hide its grief in smiles,
And act a careless part ;
Iiow oft beneath the ringing laugh,
A moan is smothered there ;
And in some hasty, thoughtless word,
Is breathe! an earnest prayer !
And oh ! perhaps when heaviest
The heart by sorrow pressed,
The words and actions often are
Most carelessly expressed.
Then kindly judge ; it is no proof
Because the words are light,
That nobler thoughts are buried, or
The heart's no longer right.
SPEECH WITHOUT WOEDS,
OR CIECCMVENTISG A BURGLAR.
I'll tell yon a story," said tho mistress of
a tillage school in England, to one of her small
scholars, " of how I once saved ruy lile entire
ly through having learned the deaf and dumb
alphabet. Thero were two little boys who us
ed tw como and stay with Uncle Frank and me
when we were married, and they could neither
bear nor speak. They could only talk with
their fingers so only ever so much quicker.
They were quick and clever; could read and
write, and do many other- things which most
boys would make a very bad hand at. They
could play at draughts and backgammon, at
chess and fox and geese as well as any boys.
They could almost see w hat we said, though
they could not hear, with such quick, eager
eyes did they watch every movement of our lips.
We soyn, however, got to talk as easily with
our fingers us our tongues ; when the lads
were not with us Uncle Frank and I used to
converse ja that manner, when alone, for
practice.
" It happened on one occasion that he had
to go up to London on important business ;
he was to have gone by an afternoon train, but
fcomelh'mg delayed him, so that he was not
able to leave before the night express. I was
not in . very good health, and retired to my
led-room about two hours before his departure.
He promised, however, to come and wish me
good-bye before he started, which would bo
between twelve and one o'clock in tho morn
ing. The matter which called him away was
connected with the bank here, which had just
burnt down ; and my husband, it seems, though
I did not know it at the time so great a secret
had he endeavored to keep it had many
thousands of pounds belonging to the concern
in his temporary possession, locked up in an
iron safe in our led-room, where the plate was
kept, lie was a bank manager., and responsible
for the whole of it. It was1 winter time, and
there was a fire in the room, so bright and com
fortable that I was in. no hurry to leave it and
get into bed, but sat np, looking at the fiery
coals, and thinking about all sorts of things
of tho long journey your Uncle Frank had to
take that night, and of how dreary the days
would seem until he returned, and in particu
lar of how lonely I should feel in that great
room, all by myself, when he should be away ;
for I was a great coward. It was a little alter
eleven o'clock when I got into bed, bat I did
not seem inclined to sleep then. I knew Uncle
Frank would be coming to wish me good-bye
presently, and besides, there seemed to be all
sorts of noises about the room, which my fool
ish ear always used to hear whenever I was
alone at night-time.
'If a littlo soot fell down the chimney, it
was, I thought, a great black crow at least,
which would soon bo flying about the room,
and setting on my pillow ; and if the wind
blew at the casement, I thought it was some
thing trying to get in at the window, although
it was two stories high. You may imagine,
then, my horror when I heard a sneezo within
a quarter of an inch of me, just behind the
head-board of the bed, and between that and
the wall, where there was a considerable space.
I had, as usual, taken the precaution, before I
put tho candle out, of looking everywhere in
the room where it was quite impossible any
person could be hid ; but in the littlo alcove
Into which the bod had been pushed, I had
never thought of looking, although that was a
capital hiding place for anybody, ever since
I had slept in that room ; in short, I had been
like the ostrich ol which we read, who puts his
head in the sand, and then imagines himself in
perfect security. I had piqued myself upon
precautionary measures, that after all, might
just as well have been omitted. The only
thing, as I believe, which saved my reason
from departing altogether, when I first heard
that terrible sound, was that my mind clung
to the hope that it might be, after all, only the
sneeze of a cat. Fifty cats together could not
have made half such a disturbance, it is true ;
for it was the sneeze of a man who sneezes in
spite of himself, and almost shook the house,
but the idea sustained me over the shock.
The next instant the wretch had sneezed again,
and pushing aside the bed, which rolled on
castors, was standing beside my bed looking
at me. If he had given only one sneeze, he
might, perhaps, have believed me, as I lay
quite still, breathing quite regularly as I could,
and pretending to be asleep ; but he reasoned
very justly, that, unless I was deaf or dead, I
must have been awakened by the sound.
" You're awake marm," said he in a grulT
voice, and it's no use shamming ! If you
don't want a tap with this life preserver, just
look alive."
I opened my eyes exceedingly wide at
this, and beheld a man with crape over his face,
Manding by the bed ; he held a sort of club with
two knobs upon it in hi3 right hand, and with
his left pointed to the iron safe.
" Is the money there 7" said he.
" The plate is," said I in a trembling voice.
" 1 raJ take it, sir; I am sure'you are very wel
come;" for he might have had everything of
value out of the house with all my heart, so
long as he left me my life.
" The money the gold the notes, are they
there 7" cried ho again, in a trembling sort oi
whisper.
" It's all there," I replied, although I knew
nothing about it; all except fifteen and six
pence in my purse on the dressing table yon
der. There's a silver mustard pot besides in
the pantry ; and a couple of candlesticks in the
study, only they are plated, for I would not
deceive you, sir, upon any account."
You had better not," observed the burglar
grimly, or it will be the worse for yoa." lie
produced a key like that my husband used, and
approached the iron safe, but as he did so, his
K1 tarcauBht a footstep upon the staircase.
Who's that?" cried he.
"My husband, sir!" 1 returned, but pray j
don t hurt him, pray." j
" Is he not gone to town, then 7" cried the
ruiuan with an oath of disappointment.
" lie is going at twelve o'clock," replied I
ue is, inaeea.
" If you tell him," said the burtrlar hoarselv
" if you breathe but one word of my presence
here, it will be the death doom of you both."
He had slipped into the alcove, and drawn back
the bed to its place in an instant. My husband
enierea immediately afterwards and even while
ne was in the room, I heard the awful threat
repeated once again through the thick curtain
behind me : " If you do but whisper it, woman
I will kill you where you lie. Will you swear
not to ten mm r"
" I will," said I solemnly, " I promise not to
open my lips about the matter."
Your Uncle Frank leaned over the pillow to
Kiss me ana observed how terrified I looked
" You have been frighteningfyourself about
robbers again, I suppose, you sillv child."
"Not I, Frank,," returned I, as cheerfully
as l couia ; " i nave only a little headache
but I said with my fingers so that he could
plainly read in the fire-light "For God's
sake, hush ; there is a man behind the bed
head."
Your Undo Frank was as bold as a lion, and
naa nerves like iron, although he was tender
hearted and kind. He only answered, " Where
is your sal volatile, dearest 7" and went to the
mantle piece to get it. I thought he could not
have understood me, ho spoke with such cool
ness and unconcern, until I saw his fingers re
ply as he took the bottle, " All right : don't be
afraid." And then 1 was not afraid, Dick, or
at least, not so much ; for I knew that I should
not bo left one instant in that room alone ;' and
I felt that my Frank was a match for any two
men in such a cause. Only he had no weapon.
" lie nas a utile me preserver," (pistol; said
l, witn my ringers.
Your fire is getting rather low, Georgey,"
observed he, as he took up the poker.
(Ah, he had a weapon then!) I must leave
you a good blaze to comfort you before I go."
lie poked the fire and left the poker in, but
without ever taking his eye off me and the
bed-head. " I will just ring the bell, and see
wnetner l nomas has cot tho Dortmanteau
ready." " Mary," continued he to the maid
that answered the bell, " send Thomas up,
Then, when she had gone upon that errand :
By Jove f I never gave him that key ; where
is it, ueorgey i l have not a minute to lose ;
if it is in your dressing case with the rest
there I shall bo an age in looking for it
Might 1 ask you to get out of bed an instant
and show me which it is 7" lie said with his
fingers, " Jump !" and I jumped, you may be
sure, Dickey, quickly enough, and was inside
the dressing-room, and with the door locked,
in hall a second. .
'Come in, Thomas," said your nncle ; "come
in ;" for Thomas was modestly, hesitating at
the chamber door; there's some blackguard
got Into the house and behind my bed there ;
if he makes the least resistance, I'll kill him
with this hot poker."
At these words tho bed was pushed slowly
outward, and the burglar, without his crape
mask, and with a face as pale as ashes, emerged
from his biding place. Your Uncle Frank
knew him at once, as having been a bank mes
senger, who had been turned out of bis situa
tion since the fire, upon suspicion of dishon
esty. " O, sir, have pity upon me," cried he ; " I
am an unlucky dog. If it had not been for a
sueeze, I should have had ten thousand pounds
in my pocket by this time."
" O, you came after that, did you 7" said my
husband, coolly. " Well, please togiveupthat
life-preserver which you have in your pocket
before we have any more conversation."
" And did your lady tell you that, too 7"
cried the villain, in accents of astonishment, as
he delivered up the weapon to the man servant ;
" and yet I stood by her yonder, and never
heard her utter a syllable."
" I never spoke one word," cried I, through
the dressing-room-key-hole, for I did not wish
the man to think that I had broken my oath ;
nor, to say the truth, was I anxious to make a
deadly enemy of him, in case he should be ever
at large again.
" Then it's a judgment cn me," exclaimed
the miserable wretch, " and it's no good for
me to fight against it."
" It's not the least good," replied your uncle
Frankjdeeisively, "and we willgotothe police
ofiico at once."
So off the burglar went in their custody
leaving poor Aunt Georgy safe and sound af
ter all. And now, don't you think there may
be some uso in learning everything, even so
small a thing as a deaf and dumb alpliabet,
Dickey 7
" Sometimes," replied the small boy, cauti
ously, not wishing to commit himself to the
general question.
" It actually saved my life, yon see," con
tinued the old lady ; and I didn't break my
promise, etf her; did I, Dickey 7 I said I
wouldn't speak a word, and I didn't; for what
I did was what I call speech without words."
What the Lecompton Bill Cost. The tes
timony before the Covode Committee at Wash
ington shows that it cost the government near
ly a million to pass the Lecomption bill. Dur
ing the examination of Wendell, checks to the
amount of $023,000 were produced by him and
left with the Committee. Most of thnm arn
dated during the contest on the Lecompton
bill. They are payable to no particular indivi
dual. Curious combinations of letters are in
serted at the usual place lor the name of the
payee. Mr. Wendell refused to give any ex
planations of these mysterious marks. Some
of the checks are payable to Senators, others
to members of the House of Representatives.
Whether these payments were made to secure
the passage of the Lecompton bill, or for other
corrupt purposes, Wendell refuses to disclose ;
but the other testimony brought out by the
Committee leaves but little doubt that this im
mense sum was used by Wendell, under the
direction of the Administration in buying the
passage of the most odious law ever enacted
in this country. That's the way the money
goes. Wendell never had that much money
of his own, and does not pretend that it was
his own. His very refusal to testify what it
was used for shows that it was not used for any
honest purpose.
The absurdity of regarding Heenan and
Sayers as representatives either oi England or
America, or of " Anglo-Saxon " valor, pluck
and endurance, or other phrases of the muscu
lar vernacular, is apparent from the fact tbt
the champions are both of Irish parentage,
and that it is understood that their parents
lived within 00 miles of each other in Ireland.
- HOW B AENEY GOT HIS WIFE.
- ' ' ' BT 8AM SLICK. ESO.
- "Well, there lived an old woman some years
ago at Musquish Creek, in South Carolina,
niai, uau a large rortin and an only darter. She
-nrna n n J. . m i n.
"M "uuer, a miser,ana a aunuer. She was
very good and very cross, as many riteous
pious people are, and had a loose tongue and
a tight purse of her own. All the men that
JOOKea at her darter sho thought had an eye
iv money, ana she warn't lar out of the way
nother, for it seems as if beauty and money
was too much to go together in a general'way.
Rich gals and handsome gals are seldom good
ior. noinin- else hut their cash or their looks.
i ears and peaches are not often found on the
same tree, I tell you. ; She lived all alone tho
most, with nobody but her darter and her in
the house, and some old nigger slaves in a hut
near at hand; acd she seed no company she
could help. The only place they went in a
general way, was meetin : and Jerushe never
missed that, for it Mas the only chance she had
Doraeumes to get out alone.
lsarney O'Balentine had a most bcantiful
anu aiways went mere, too, to sing a-
long wun me gals ; ana Jiarney heann' of the
fortin of Miss Elles made up to her as fierce as
possible, and sang so sweet, and talked so
sweet, and kissed so sweet, that he soon stood
number one with the heiress. But he didn't
often get a chance to walk home with her, and
wnen ne aid, she darsen t let him come in for
tear of the old woman. But Barney warn't to
Da put oft that way long. When a gal's in
one pasture ana a lover in another, its a high
ience that they can't get over, that's a fact.
"Tell you what," saysBarney, "set up alone
in me keepin' room, Jerusha, dear, arter old
mother has gone to bed, put out the light,
and I'll slide down on the rope from the tran
door on the roof. Tell her you are exercised
in your mind, and want to meditate alone, as
tne wordsyou heard to day reached your heart.
Jerusha was frightened to death a'most : but
what won't a woman do, when a lover is in the
way bo that very night she told the old
woman she was exercised in her mind, and
would rastle with the spirit.
"lo, aear," says the motr.er, "ana you
won't think of the vanities of dress and idle
company no more. You see how I have given
them all up since. I have made a profession,
and never so much as talk of 'em now, or even
minis oi 'em."
"Strange, 'Square, ain't it 7 But it is much
easier to cheat ourselves, than to cheat the
devil. The old hag was too stinjrv to bnv a
are, but persuaded herself it was "being too
good to wear it."
"Well, the house was a flat roofed house,
an had a trap door in the ceilin. over the
keepin' ..room, and there was a crane on the
roof, with a rope to pull things up, to spread
out uti ttsyr there. ;'. - .
As soot . as the lights were all out, and Bar
ney thought the old woman was asleep, he
crawls on the house, opens the trap-door, and
lets himself down by the rope, and he and Je
rusha sat down on the hearth in the chimney
corner, courtin' ;" or, as they called it in ihem
diggin's, snnjjin ashes. When daylight began
to show, he went up the rope hand over hand,
hauled it up after him, closed the trap-door,
and made himself scarce. Well, all this went
on as slick as could be for awhile, but the old
woman saw that her darter looked pa' , after
a while,as though she didn't get sleep enough,
and there was nogettin' her up in the mornin'.
She got oneasy after a while, and would some
times get up in the night, and call her darter,
and make her go off to bed, and once or twice
come mighty near catchin' of 'em.
So what does Barney do, but takes two nig
gers with him, when he went after that, and
leaves them on the roof, and fastens a large
basket to tho rope, and tells them if they feel
the rope pull, they must hoist away for dear
life, but not to speak a word for the world.
Well, one night the old lady came to the door,
as usual, and sais : "Jerusha, what on airth
ails you, to sit up all night, in that way 7 Do
come to bed, that's a dear." "Presently,
marm," sais she. "I'm wrestling with the
evil, one, I'll come presently." Dear, dear'
sais she, "you have rastled long enough with
him to have throwed him by this time. If
you can't throw him now, give it up, or he
may throw you." "Presently, marm," sais
her darter. "It's always the same tune,"
sais her mother, goin' off grumblin' "it's al
ways presentlv what has got into the gal to
act so 7 Oh, dear ! what a pertracted time
she has on it. She has been sorely exercised,
poor girl.-'
As soon as she had gone, Barney larfed so
that he had to put his arm around her to study
him on the bench, in a way that didn't look
unlike rompin' and when he went to whisper,
ho larfed so he did nothin' but touch her
cheek with his lips, in a way that looked
plagnily like kissin,' and felt like it too, and
she pulled to get away, and they had a most
regular rastle as they sat on the bench, and
down went both on 'em on the floor with an
awful smash, and in bounced the old woman.
Which is uppermost, sais she. "Have you
throwed Satan or has Satan throwed you 7"
I have throwed him," sais-her darter, "and
I hope I have broke his neck, he acted so."
'Come to bed then, damn, sais she, and say
a prayer afterward, and " jist then the old
woman was seized round the waist, hoisted
through the roof.and from thence to the crane,
where the basket stopped and the first thing
she knowed she was away up ever so far in
the air swingin' in a large basket, and no soul
near her.
"Barney and his niggers cnt sticks in double
quick time, crept into the bushes, and went
all round the road, just as day was breakm .
The old woman was singin' out for dear life,
kicking and squealin,' and cryin' and prayin',
all in one, properly lnghtcned. Down runs
Barney, hard as he could slip, lookin' as inno
cent as if he'd never heard nothin' of it, and
pretendin' to be horrid frightened ; offers his
and gets blessed till he was tired of it. "Oh!"
says the old woman, "Mr. O'Balentine, the
moment Jerusha, throwed the evil one, the
house shook like an earthquake, and as I en
tered the room he grabbed me. Oh f I shall j
never forget bis fiery eyelids, and the horrid
smell of brimstone he had."
says Barney. "I couldn't see in the dark,"
says she, "but his claws were orful sharp, oh !
how they dug into my ribs. It enemost took
the flesh ofT here 1 Lord have mercy on us !
I hope he's in the Red Sea now."
"Tell you what it is, Aunty," says Barney,
"that's an awful story ; keep it secret for your
life folks might say the house is barnted
that you were possessed, and that Jerusha was
in league with the evil one. Don't so much as
nsp a syllable to a living sinner breathen;
keep the secret, and I will help you."
The hint took ; the old woman had no wish
to do Durnt or drowned for a witch, and the
moment a feller has a woman's secret, he Is
that woman's master. He was invited there,
ue siayea there, married there, but the old
woman never knew who the evil one was, and
always thought to her dying day it was old
Scratch himself. After her death they didn't
Keep it secret any longer, and many a good
laugh has there been at the story of Barney
u iiaientine ana the Devil.
A CANN0H BALL Ut HIS HAT.
An anonymous writer, supposed to be the
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, after describing
how, when a boy, he stole a common cannon
ball from the Navy Yard at Charlestowu, Mass
achusetts, and with much trepidation and
more headache carried it away in that univer
sal pocket of youth, his hat, winds up with the
iouowing reflections which, though philosop
hically trite, are conveyed with much force
and freshness.
When I reached home I had nothing to do
with my shot. I did not dare to show it in the
house, nor tell where I got it, and after solitary
reflection, I gave it away on the same day to a
prize fighter.
But, after all, that six pounder rolled a good
deal of sense into my skull. I think it was the
last thing I ever stole (except a little matter of
neart now and then.) and it gave me a notion
of the folly of coveting more than you can en
joy, which has made my whole life happier. It
was rather a severe mode of catchising, but
ethics rubbed m with a six pound shot are bet
ter than none at all.
But I see men doing the same things going
into underground and dirty vaults ; and gath
ering up wealth, which will, when got, roll
round their heads like a ball, and not be a whit
solter because it is gold instead of iron, though
there is not a man In V all street who will be
lieve that.
I have seen a man put himself to every hu
miliation to win a proud woman who was born
above him, and when he got her, walked all
the rest of his life with a cannon ball in his hat.
I have seen young men enrich themselves
by pleasure in the same wise, way, sparing no
pains, scrupling at no sacrifice of principle
for the sake, at last, of carrying a burden that
no man can bear.
All the world are busy in striving for things
that give little pleasure and. much care ;and
I am accustomed in my walks among men, no
ticing their walks and their folly, to think,
there is a man stealing a cannon ball ; or there
is a man with a ball on bis head know it by
the way he walks. The money which a clerk
purloins for his pocket at last gets into his
bis hat like a cannon ball. Pride.bad temper,
selfishness, and evil pasaions will roll a man as
if he bad a ball on his head ! And ten thous
and men in New York will die this year, and
as each one falls his hat will come off, and
out. will roll an iron ball, which for years he
has worn out his strength in carrying.
A remarkable fact has been developed by
the publication of Lord Brougham s Mathemat
ical and Physical Tracts. One of the papers,
on the subject of light and colors, was pub
lished in the Philosophical Transactions for
179G. The copy sent to the Royal Society
-contained remarks on the effect of exposing
a plate of ivory stained with nitrate of silver
to the rays of the spectrum, and also on the
result of submitting the plate to the rays pass
ing through a small aperture into a dark room.
These suggestions were considered by Sir. C.
Blagden to relate more to art than to pure
science, and were accordingly omitted from
the published copy. Had they appeared, it is
morally certain that they would have led to
the immediate discovery of photograpy fifty
years earlier than its actual introduction. In
spite of its abstruse nature, a new edition of
the volume was required in a week. -
A Personal Matter. Mr. Lovejoy dined
at Gov. Seward's recently .with Gov.McRea,of
Mississippi, and other fire-eaters, who were
sociable enough. Before leaving the table,
the host enquired why the Southerners had
sat so still while Loveioy was pitching into
slavery and them, but kicked up a dnst when
he took a religious view- of the question 7
"Why," said Gov. McRae, "we were dumb
with astonishment when our institutions were
attacked, and didn't recover until Loveioy,
changed his topic." No, no !" exclaim
ed Lovejoy, "you sat still enough until I be
gan to talk about the devil, and then you con
sidered it a personal question !" Tho reply
raised a general laugh. Indeed, although the
newspaper accounts are alarming, our Con
gressmen have not reached Concord pitch.
Northern Democrats must feel highly com
plimented by the remarks of Mr. Burrows, of
Arkansas, in the Charleston Convention. "He
considered them worse than the Black Repub
licans! He did not care whether the Black
Republicans whipped them, or they whipped
the Black Republicans. Of tho two, he con
sidered the Black Republicans as the most
open and manly foes of the South." Is this
tho guerdon earned, after years of devotion
to Slavery on the part of Northen Democrats 7
Trapping must be a very profitable business
in Kansas. If such luck as the following is
common out there, we should think the gold
mines would soon lose their attractions. The
Leavenworth Dispatch says : Two young men
from Michigan recently went out on a trapping
expedition to the Big Blue, taking with them
a lot of "animal traps," (a kind of spring gnn
arrangement.) 'They returned to this city
yesterday with $30,000 worth of furs, the re
sult of a two mouths' trapping tour.
It is one great mistake in female education
to keep a young lady's time and attention de
voted to only the fashionable literature oi the
day. If you would qualify her for conversa
tion, you must give her something to talc a-
bout, give her education with the actual world
and its transpiring events. Urge her to read
newspapers and become familiar with the
present character and improvement of our race.
How to Cleah Chimneys. An Irishman out
west, has invented a patent for cleaning chim
neys which knocks all other patents far "into
the shade." ' He takes a goose and ties its legs
and lets it down the chimney. The fluttering
of the bird of coarse completely cleans the
soot out of the chimney. So much for inven
tive genius.
THE ADULTERATING BUSINESS.
Much has been said and written lately rela
tive to the adulterating of liquors, and the
tricks resorted to by wholesale dealers to make
fortunes in a short space of time by poisoning
the people. Bnt adulteration, it appears, does
not extend alone to what we drink, Even the
ordinary articles which come to our tables are
adulterated, and probably to a greater extent
tnan our drinks, ibis may sound strange
but people generally know it to be a fact that
not only the milk (and water) is adulterated
but almost every article which comes from the
groceries, in which it is possible to drive the
nefarious business. On this subject a cotem
porary says, " there are probably few persons
ignorant of the fact that articles of food are
morcor less adulterated ; a less number, per
haps, are informed of the extent of these
adulterations, and their baneful effects upon
health and life. Most European Nations have
been compelled to take strong measures
against these infamous corruptions, which are
in the highest degree an injustice and hard
ship upon the poor. In this country these evil
practices are not less perniciously pursued
Bread is mixed with plaster of paris, alum, and
sulphate of copper; coffee with chicory, roast
ed wheat, beans, and mangel wurzel ; vinegar
with sulphuric acid ; sugar w:th sand, ec
Wine, which is absolutely necessary ior the
poor when recovering from sickness, is fear
fully debased. Frequently, when recommend
ed as a wholesome stimulant and astringent, it
has produced griping, acidity, irritation and
pain. A late investigation in England de
monstrates that a large proportion of domestic
and imported butter is composed of tallow,
flour and beef suet. The latter article is lm
ported in large quantities for this express pur
pose. It is believed that eggs and meat are
the only kinds of provisions which are sold in
an unadulterated state. The latter is not
above saspicion. It is alleged that salted
beef and pork are not "corned" until the
flesh becomes fetid, -and only a petty fraction
of the great quantities of city milk, so essen
tial to the healthy nourishment of children, is
retailed in its pure condition. Abuses like
these demand immediate attention. The
weekly mortality of young children in our
large cities is a fearful experience, and so long
as even medicines prescribed by the physician
aro adulterated all sanitary regulations are
mockeries. Science alone can alleviate such
evils. There are in our country hundreds of
educated men, good analytical chemists,
without employment. No inspector sbould
be appointed who is not adequate to his posi
tion, and a skillful and frequent analysis of
suspected provisions, with punishment for
adulteration, is the only sure remedy. Such
officers are shortly to be appointed in England
by a late parliamentary enactment. . These
are authorized to enter, at will, any establish
ment, and experiment upon samples of food
it is a known lact that in this country are
large manufactories engaged in open adultera
tion, scattering broadcast deleterious and poi
sonous compounds, with death and misery
Of what avail are temperance reformers in al
cholic purities, when the ordinary comforts of
the table are equally degrading. The matter
calls for redress, and at every pause in reme
dial legislation the spoilers are at work. Ruin
ed constitutions and debilitated systems are the
sure effects of foul adulterations.
A Good One. Pat was helping Mr. Blank
to get a safe in his office one day, and not be
ing acquainted with the article, enquired what
it was for 7
"To prevent papers and other articles which
are placed in it from being burnt in case of
fire," said Mr. B.
"An' sure will nothing ivir burn that is put
in that thing 7"
"No." .
Well, thin, yer honor, ye'd better be after
getting into that same when ye die !"
Mr. Blank "wilted."
The Japanese have discovered that a few
seconds previous to an earthquake, the magnet
temporarily loses its power, and have ingeni
ously constructed a light frame supporting a
horse-shoe magnet, beneath which is a cup
bell metal. To the armature is attached a
weight; so that upon the magnet becoming
paralyzed, the weight drops, and striking the
enp, gives the alarm. Every one in the house
then seeks the open air for safety. -
The Japanese thonght that the ladies whom
they saw at the Sandwish Islands wearing crin
oline actually filled the immense skirts. One
of the men, who happened to touch a dress
in passing, was much surprised to find it ca
ving in, and burst out into roars of laughter at
his astonishing discovery. -' His ideas of the
bodily portions of the fair one suddenly col
lapsed.
The Pope, according to a letter dated Zu-
rich,April 6, published in the Journal of Cora-
merce,is going to leave the city of Rome and
to put up his residence in the city of Ancona.
His object in changing his residence is to get
rid at last of the French garrison of the city
of Rome, by taking away the only pretext of
protecting the Head of the Catholic Church.
A gentleman boarding at a hotel in Boston,
wishing to display his Latin at the breakfast
table, and needing the milk, said to his oppo
site neighbor," Will you pass the lactael&uidl"
"Haven't any of that," was the reply ; "but
here's the stump -tail perhaps that will do as
well." This milky joke produced a roar of
laughter. -
In the Registry of Deeds at Cambridge,
Massachusetts, is recorded a deed,dated 1784,
which gives the following bounds :
Then southerly on Wm. Smith to a pine in
the swamp marked W, then southerly on said
Wm. Smith to stump and stones where Daniel
Harrington licked William Smith."
" What a fine head of hair your boy has,"
said an admiring friend.
" les," said the fond father, " he's a chip
of the old block, ain't you sonny 7"
I guess so daddy, 'cause the teacher said
yesterday, I was a young blockhead."
It is one of the Waltham statistics which is
worth remembering, that " a single pound ot
steel, costing but fifty cents, is manufactured
into one hundred thousand screws, which are
worth eleven hundred dollars."
Franklin, on hearing the remark that what was
lost on earth went to the moon, observed that there
must be a deal of good advice accumulated there.
NEGRO INFATUATION.
A deplorable instance of the mental dark
ness and obliquity of the African race has just
been brought to light. An ebony chattel call
ing himself William Bracker a name which
probably belongs to his master most ungrate
fully tired of working for such hog and hom
iny as is freely accorded to chattels in the pa
triarchal State of South Carolina resolved to
commit a grand larceny of his own body and
bone, hide, features and wool as villainous
chattels have been known to do ere now and,
to this end, stowed himself away on board tho
steamship S. R. Spaulding, of and from Bos
ton, whence she was about to return richly
freighted with New-England Delegates to the
late Democratic National Convention ! Wo
h3d already beard of jumping " out of tho
frying-pan into the fire," and all manner of
kindred fatuities ; but to attempt to escape
from slavery by biding in a vessel whereof
Benjamin Uallctt and Caleb Cnshing had vir
tual command, goes ahead of any absurdity
within our knowledge. Of course, this fuga
cious mass of constitutional property was seiz
ed as soon as ho was driven from his hiding
place by hunger; the vessel's course altered,
a southward-steering vessel thereby intercept
ed, the negro put aboard of her, and returned
to Baltimore, whence be will be promptly for
warded, at a liberal cost to Uncle Sam, to his
master in Charleston. IT that negro should
ever again be caught aboard of a vessel char
tered by a regiment of Democratic office-holders
and office-seekers, in tho hope of thus es
caping slavery, he will deserve for his stupid
ity a far severer flogging than his master has
now in store for him.
Iscexiocs Use op a Dog's Tail. A sergeant
with about twenty-five soldiers had been sent out
some miles from Fort Defiance, New Mexico, to
guard some stock which were sent to grare, when
they found that the party was surrounded by about
four hundred hostile Navajo Indians. The brave
and skillful sergeant took position on an eminence,
and by a volley from the long-shooting rifles of
his party at first drove off the savages, who, how
ever, soon rallied, and prepared to storm the small
Earty on all sides. The sergeant, in taxing his
rain for an expedient bj which to convey intelli
gence of the desperate peril in which his party
was placed, took a dog. which had accompanied
the party, fastened to his collar a note written
with a pencil, informing the commander at the
fort of his situation, took a tin cup in which he put
some pebbles, which were confined with a piece of
cloth over the top, fastened with a string to the
dog's tail and started the dog loose, knowing that
he would in his affright run to the fort. He dash
ed with his greatest epeed to Fort Defiance ; the
note was discovered and read ; straightway a par
ty was sent to the rescue, and arrived just in time
to save the lives of the whole party.
Contf.st between Blacksmiths. The develop
ment of muscle leads not always tc the prize-ring.
In Troy, N. Y., the other day, John Mckinnev and
Patrick Kennedy, blacksmiths both, had an extra
ordinary trial of skill. The former challenged
the latter to compete with him in making horse
shoes for the championship. The challenge was
accepted and the working time fixed at ten hours,
each man, with his 41helper," went at the metal.
Their shops were surrounded through theday with
an interested throng, and ropes were stretched a
bout the forges to give sufficient space. At the
expiration cf the ten hours Kennedy had made 240
shoes, and McKinney 210. Near the close of the
contest, the "helper" of the latter fainted from fa
tigue. It is not probable that an equal feat has
ever been accomplished before.
Docs IN jArAS. The streets of Yeddo are in
fested with not the wretched, mangy curs of Con
stantinople or the pariahs of India, but sleek, well-
fed, audacious animals, who own no masters, but
who seem to thrive on the community, and bid it
defi ancc. They trot proudly about, with ears and
tail erect, and are most formidable to meet in a
by-lane. These animals are held in as high ven
eration as they were informer times in .Egypt;
and it is a capital crime to put one to death.
There are even guardians appointed for their pro
tection, and hospitals to which they are carried in
case of illness. Certainly a Ions experience has
taught them to profit in the immunity from perse
cution which they enjoy.
A Frenchman at Dexter. Maine, undertook a few
days since, upon a wager of $10, to saw six cords
ot wooa, two euts. between sunrise and sunset, lie
accomplished four cords and seven feet at 6 p. m.,
and then eave ut the job. The Frenchman was
rried down to Dexter for the purpose bv a hotel
keeper, who wagered S40 on his head. The wooi
was packed very close to make the feat as hard as
possible. Beside having a man constantly sharp
ening them, the betting landlord furnished a round
oi porK with which to lubricate the saws.
They are in a ludicrous hobble in Trov. N. Y.
That city is full of cents, coppers and nickels ;
they are increasing so rapidly that the people are
growing superstitious, thinking that they either
multiply themselves or that they attract other
cents thitber. They bid fair to become the exclu
sive currency of the city : already ladies who buv
for cash are forced to take with them a boy and a
basket to carry the circulating medium. One of
the papers calls for a public meetins on the sub
ject, and for a concert of action.
The best fencer in Paris is a beautiful vonns la
dy of Tolish origin. M ile. Linowska. At a soiree
at the bouse of an aristocratic widow in the Fau
bourg St. II on ore, who it appears is fond of fen
cing, and has an apartment in her house devoted
to that sort of exercise, the evening closed with a
grand assault-at-arms. Dressed iu the handsome
costume of her country, M'lle Linowska held her
sword with so much grace and precision, that no
gentleman present was able to compete with her.
Mr. Eea.x, editerial proprietor of the Messenger
at Fremont, Ohio, is a model of incorruptibility.
In 1858 he was a clerk in the House under Mr. Al-
en, and he testified before the Covode Committee
that he received $5,000 from Mr. 'Wendell just be
fore the passage of the English bill. He further
testifies that he tried to influence no votes with it.
but simply put the money in his pocket, and de
clares that it did not even influence bis own opin
ion ! That man knew Dean, but Wendell didn't.
A shocking calamity occurred near Camden, in
the State of South Carolina, on the 5th inst. A
party of boys and girls on a pio-nic were drowned
in a mill-pond, the boat on which they were sink
ing in the middle of the pond. Nineteen bodies
had been recovered, and it is thought ten more,
making twenty-nine in allr perished.
A sensible writer advises those who would en
joy good eating to keep good-natured ; for, says
he, ' an angry man can't tell whether he is eating
boiled cabbage or stewed umbrella."
A gentleman, bragging of having killed a pan
that had a tail three feet long, Brown observed that
the animal died seasonably, as the tail was long
enough not to be continued.
A dying West India planter, groaning to
his favorite servant, sighed out, "Ah, Sambo,
I am going on a long, long journey." " Nev
er mind, massa," said the negro, consolingly
"it am all de way down hill." .
(