u
BY S. B.BOW.
CLEARFIELD, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18, 1858.
VOL. 4.-KO. 51.
THINGS TO CHERISH.
'The eyes that look with love on thee,
That brighten with thy smile,
"Or mutely hid thes hope again
If thou art sad a while ;
The eyes that, when no words are breathed,
Gaze fondly into thine
X)h cherish them, ere they grow dim ;
They may not always shine!
'The faithful hearts around thee.
That glow with lore and youth.
That time and care ne'er yet hare soared,
Nor ravished of their truth ;
The 'heart whose beatings we have heard
'When throbbing near our own
Oh, cbcridh them ; those beatings hushed ;
Earth's dearest tones are gone.
'The days when there are hearts and eyes
That throb and beam for thee ;
The few fleet hours when life doth seem
.Bright as a summer sea;
The thrilling moments when to speak
The full heart's joy is rain
X)b. chcri.su them ! once gone, alas !
They ne'er return again!
TOUCHING INCIDENT.
The following extract, taken from an ac
count written by the Rev. James Miller, and
quoted by tbe author of "Old Redstone." will
:give the reader some idea of the pecuniary
embarrassments of early ministers and of the
general Mate of the Western country, and
also ol the remarkable interpositition of Di
nine Providence for the relief of one of those
niiuislers.
'Our story," says Mr. Miller, "will carry
the reader back to the period when all north
of the Ohio river an unbroken wilderness
the mysterious red man's home. Oti the
utlier side a bold, hardy band from beyond
the mountains had built their log cabins., and
-were trying to subdue the wilderness. To
them every hour was full of peril. The Indians
would oiten cross the river, steal their children
and horse, and kill and scalp any victim that
came in their way. They worked in the field
with weapons at their side, and on Sabbath
met in a grove or rudo log church to hear the
Word -of God, with their rifles in their hands.
To preach to these settlers, Mr. Jos. Smith,
a Presbyterian minister, had lett his parental
home, east of the mountains. He, it is said,
. was the second minister who had crossed the
Monongahela. Jle settled in Washington
county, Pennsylvania, and became the pastor
of Cioss Creek and Upper Buffalo congrega
tions, dividiug his time between them. lie
lomid tlx-m a willing and united people, but
'till unable to pay him a salary which would
anpport his family. He, in common with all
the early ministers, must cultivate a farm-
He purchassed one on credit, promising to
pay for it' with the salary pledged to him by
his people, Years passed away. The pastor
was unpaid. Little-or no money was in circu
lation. Wheat was abundant, but there was
no market. It could not be sold for more
than twelve and a half cents, in cash. Even
their salt, which had been brought across the
mountains on pack-horses, was worth eight
dollars per bushel, and twenty-one bushels of
wheat had often to be given for one of salt.
The time came when the payment must he
made, and Mr. Smith wai told he must pay
or leave his farm.
Three year's salary as now due from his
people. For the want of this, his land, his
improvements upon it, and his hopes of re
maining among a beloved people jnujt be a
baudoned. The people were called together,
and the case laid belore them, and they were
greatly moved; council from on high was
sought ; plan after plan was proposed and
ab.mdor.ed; the congregation was unable to
pay a tithe of their debts, and do money could
le borrowed. In despair they adjourned to
meet again the following week. In the mean
time, it was ascertained that a Mr. Moore, who
owned the only mill " in the country, would
grind for them on reasonablj terms. At the
next meeting it was resolved to carry their
wheat to Mr. Moore's mill; some gave filty
bushels, some more. This was carried from
lit tee n to twenty miles on horses to the mill.
In a month word came that the flour was ready
to go to market. Again the people were cal
led together. After an earnest prayer the
qncslion was asked, "Who will run the flour
to New Orleans 7" This was a ."tart'ing ques
tion. The work was perilous in the extreme,
mouths must pass before the adventurer could
hope to return, even though his journey should
lie fortunate ; nearly all the way was a wilder
ness, and gloomy tales were told of the Indi
ans. More than one boat's crew had gone on
that journey who had come back no more.
Who then conld endure the toil and brave
the danger 7" None volunteered, the young
hhrunk back, and the middle aged had their
excuse. At length a hoary headed man, an
cider in the church, sixty-four years of age,
rose, and to the astonishment of the assembly
'said, "Here ami; send me." Tbe deepest
leeling at once pervaded tho whole assembly.
To see their venerated old elder thus devote
himself for their good, melted them all to
tears. They gathered around Father Smiley
to learn that his'resolution waslndeed taken;
that rather than lose their pastor he would
brave danger, toil, and even death. After
some delay and trouble, two yonng men were
induced, by hops of a large reward to go as
Lis assistants. A day was appointed for start
ing. The young and old, from far and near,
fiom love to Father Smileyand deep interest
in the object ol his misssion, gathered togeth
er, and with their pastor at their head came
down from the church, fifteen miles away, to
the bank of the river, to bid the old man fare
well. Then a prayer was offered up by their
pastor, and a parting hymn was sung. Then
said the old Scotchman. '-Untie the cable, and
let us see what the Lord will do for us."
This was done and the boat floated slowly
awv.
- .More than nine months passed and no word
came back from Father Smiley. .Many a pray-
'trhafi ee'n breathed for him, but what his
fate was,' was unknown. Another Sabbath
came -,' the people came together for worship,
and there, on his rude bench, heore the preach
er, composed and devout, sat Father Smiley.
'After' service the people were requested to
meet early in the week to hear the report.
'All came again. After thanks had been re
turned to God for his safe return, Father Sml
Jey rose and told his story : That tho Lord
had prospered his mission ;: that he ,had sold
bis flour for twenty-seven dollars a barrel, and
then got safely back. He then drew a large
purse and poured upon the table a larger pile
of gold than most of the spectators had ever
seen before. The yonng men were paid each
one hundred dollars. Father Smiley was ask
ed his chjrgc. He meekly replied, that he
thought he ought to have the same as one of
the young men, though be had not done quite
as much work. It was immediately proposed
to pay him three hundred dollars. This he
refused till the pastor was paid. Upon coun
ting the money it was found there was enough
to pay what was due Mr. Smith, to advance
his salary for the year to come, to reward
Father Smiley with three hundred dollars,
and then have a large dividend for each con
tributor. Thus their debts were paid, their
pastor relieved, and while life lasted he broke
for them the bread of life. The bones of
both pastor and elder repose in the same
churchyard, but a grateful posterity still tell
this pleasing story of the past."
Where Mosquitoes Come From.
Tho Scientific American describes the ori
gin of these annoying insects as follows:
"These pests of Summer proceed from rnt
malcules, commonly termed the 'wiggle tail.'
If a bowl of water is placed in tho Summer's
sun for a few days, a number of wiggle-tails
will be visible and will continue to increase in
size until they reach three sixteenths of an
inch in length, remaining longer on tho sur
face as they approach maturity, as if seeming
to live on the influence derived from the two
elements of air and water; finally they will
assume a orysalis form, and by an increased
specific gravity sink to the bottom; a few
hours only will elapse when a short black furze
or hair will grow out on every side of each,
and it assumes the form of a minute catter
piller. Its specific gravity being thus counter
acted, it is wafted to the side of the bowl by
the slightest breath o air. In a short time a
fly will te hatched and escape leaving its tiny
house on the surface of the water. Any one
who has had a cistern in the yard, has doubt
less observed the same effect every Summer
although he may be ignorant of the beauty
and simple process of development. If a
pitcher or cistern or other water is placed in
a close room over night, from which all mos
quitoes have been excluded, enough mosqui
toes will breed in it during the night to give
any amount of trouble. The necessity of
keeping yards and the surface of the ground
near houses entirely free from stagnant water,
in order to diminish the number of these
'night birds,' is evident."
Bather Inquisitive.
An anecdote i told of old Gov. I,., of Ver
mont, who lived in early times, which is worth
repeating. -
One fall, as he was returning from the Le
gislature on horseback, as usual at that day,
he was bailed from a house by a garrulous old
maid, who had often annoyed him with ques
tions respecting public affairs. :
"Well, Governor," said she, coming towards
the road, "what new tans have you passed at
Monfpelier this time 7"
"Well, one rather singular law, among the
rest." replied he.
"Dew tell! Now, what is it, Governor ?"
said the excited querist.
"Why, that the woman in each town who
has the smallest mouth, shall bo warranted a
husband.
"What!" said the other, drawing up her
mouth to the smallest compass, "what a queer
curious law that is "
"Yes, but we have passed another which
beats that the woman having the largest
mouth is to have two husbands."
" Why, w-h-a-t 7" exclaimed the old maid,
instantly relax'ng her month and stretching it
wider every syllable; "what a remarkable law
that is when does it come in lorce, Gover
nor?" At this the Governor put spurs to his horse
and vanished.
A WoxDEnri L Plast. The Agave, Ameri
can Aloe, or "Century Plant," is not only one
of the most astonishing productions of the
vegetable kingdom, but an object of poetic in
terest. It enjoys the reputation of living a
hundred years, at the expiration of which it
bursts inlo a perfect glory of bloom, and '-perishes
in its pride." Tho Agave is found
throughout the tropical portions of the Amer
ican continent, from the plains almost on a
level with the sea to mountain elevations of
ten thousand feet. But from these regions it
has beer, carried to the gardens of the tempe
rate zone. The story of its longevity is not
precisely consistent with the truth. In hot
climates the plant grows rapidly and soon com
pletes its term of existence ; but in colder re
gions, or where it has the careful tending of a
skillful gardener, it has been known to reach
the age of seventy years. The Agave has a
short, cylindrical, woody stem, which is ter
minated by long spiny leaves of a blueish
green color. Few of tho leaves w ither away
before the plant has attained its maturity.
Having acquired its lull growth it shoots up a
gigantic flower, surrounded with a multitude
of branches, arranged in pyramidal form, on
which the greenish yellow flowers continue to
bloom for two or three months. Alter this
majestic effort tbe plant dwindles and withers
away to nothing. One of these plants, which
is about to bloom, is in the possession of Mr.
Geo. II. Stuart, of Philadelphia.
Masking Ink. for Linen. Take nitrate of
silver, eleven grains ; rain or distilled water,
eighty-five grains, (say drops) ; gum arabic,
twenty grains ; carbonate of sda, twenty-two
grains; liquor of ammonia, thirty grains. In
mixing the ingredients, dissolve the gum in
the water first, and then the soda now dis
solve the nitrate of silver in the liquor of am
monia. When the solutions are complete,
mix the two fluids in a glass vessel, and boil
them lor a minute or so ; when cold it is ready
for use. A common oil flask is a capital ves
sel for the above purpose, provided the oil b;a
been well cleaned out of it by means of strong
soap and hot water. Though of glass, they
may be placed on a clear fire, and water boiled
in them without any fear of breaking. In
marking linen with permanent inks, care should
be taken that the fabric is perfectly dry, as
this prevents the ink from running ; and it is
essential at all times to use only qnill pens.
If Senator Hammond is good Democratic au
thoritv, Washington and Jefferson were not
"national Democrats." Hammond says that
Washington and Jefferson set the example of
opposition to Slavery, from which the South
is now suffering. Democracy in order to main
tain its nationality, must concede that the Fa
ther of his Country, and the author of the
Declaration of Independence were blunderers,
bad political economists, poor philosophers,
and the victims of a mawkish sentimeutal
ism. -Cin. Com.
JOE BOWERS' WEDDING.
The county of , "away np In the moun
tains," boasts of one of the best judges in Cal
ifornia. On the bench he is firm, decided, and
prompt, not caring the snap of bis finger for
either the applause of friends, or the mutter
ing of enemies. He is, perhaps, the most de
voted man to the law in all creation, and has
his head so lull of what he terms "judicial
talk," that he not unfrequently finds himself
making learned charges and passing sentence
outside of the court room.
On a recent occasion the judge was called on
to exercise the "power and authority in him
vested," in tho case of a young couple, who
desired to have their hearts united in the holy
band of wedlock. Of course he consented to
perform the pleasing duty, and on the appoint
ed evening was promptly on hand at the house
at which the affair was to come off. The room
was crowded by the beauty and fashion of the
town, and none looked more dignified and hap
py than the judge himself, who was dressed
within an inch of his life.
It is customary on the occasions of the kind
referred to, for the good folks of the mountain
towns to pass around the wine quite freely,
and to their everlasting credit, we will add,
they consider it no barm for one to manifest
his interest in the joyous event by getting
"livelv." The judge is tn ardent admirer of
the fair sex, having in the course of his life
led the third one to tbe altar. To use his own
language, he is a "great believer in weddings,"
and that he should become a little mellow a
mid the glorious scene of tho evening, was
not to be wondered at by those who knew him
intimately. He had the weakness of all good
judges. He would take his "tod."
The wine had passed round and round and
round. The music had ceased. The time for
making Joseph Bowers and Nancy Harkens
one, had arrived. Every heart throbbed with
the most delightful emotions. The young
gentlemen desired to know how "Joe" would
stand it, and the young ladies were anxious to
see how "Nance" would suffer the anxious
shock. Others, again, who had closely ob
served the turn of affairs during the evening,
fixed their attention upon the judge, to see
hew he would come out of the scrape.
At length the trying moment was announced.
The judge arose very cautiously from the chair
which he had occupied in one corner of the
room, and casting his eye over the company,
he recognized the sheriff of the county, who
was present as an invited gue6t. The judge
had imbibed just enough to make him forget
the nature of his business. He waa full of his
'judicial talk," and required nothing but the
presence of the sheriff to start him. Looking
sternly at the officer, he shouted,
M r. Sheriff, open the Court, and call order !"
A general twitter followed this command, in
the midst of which the sheriff took the "court"
gently by the arm, and led him to his seat in
the corner, at the same time informing the au
gust personage of his mistake.
Everything now bid fair for a pleasant and
sudden termination of the affair, until another
annoyance, which was nothirg less than the
absence of the bridesgroom, was observed.
It turned out that be had just stepped across
the street to join his friends in a parting drink,
but before his return, some cold-blooded wag
had whispered into the ear of our fogy the
cause of "delay in proceedings.1' Instantly
the chair in the corner moved, and in that di
rection all eyes were fixed.
"Mr. Sheriff," slowly drawled the judge,
"bring Joe into court on a supernar" the
judge had his own way pronouncing the word
tlrcii addressing the bride who stood in the
foreground, and hung her head in deep con
fusion, he addeil : "I spose you're the plain
tiff. Well, don't take on. Innocence and
Virtue will be protected by this here court."
This was the saddest blunder of all. The
judge was again made to see his mistake, and
wouid have been considerably set back, had it
not been for a corrective in the shape of "for
ty drops of the critter," which he instautly ap
plied. In a few moments all was ready in right
down earnest. The bridegroom had arrived,
full of joy. The bride, in "gorgeous array,"
stood at his side. The company pressed for
ward. The excitement was intense. , The
judge never looked so dignified in his life.
He evidently felt every inch a judge.
"J-J-o-e B-B-B-o-w-e-r-s," commenced the
man of law, in that distressing style of speech
with which he was invariably troubled when
under the influence of liquor; "J-o-e B-o-w-e-r-s,
stand up. Have y-y-you anything to
s-s-ay w-w-hy s-s-sen-tence "
"Stop, stop, stop.Judge," shouted the Sher
iff from the back part of the room. "You are
not going to hang the man, but marry him."
The Judge drew a long breath and blinked
rapidly, but stood his ground well. Recover
ing himself, he proceeded :
"J-J-oe B-B-B-owers, do y-you t-takeNancy
II-H-Harkens for y-y-your wife, so h-h-elp you
God 7"
This was a tolerable effort, and Joe nodded
assent.
"N-N-Nancy Harkens, it now remains for
this here C-C-Court to"
Here the ShcrifTagain interrupted the Judge
reminding him of the real busiuess of the
evening.
"Miss N-Nancy," resumed the Judge, after
being set right, "d-d-do y-y-you t-t-take J-Joe
B-B-Bowers for a husband, t-t-to the best of
your knowledge and b-b-bclicf, or d-d do you
not?"
" You bet .'" softly answered the light heart
ed Nancy.
The Judgo then took the hands of the hap
py couple, and joining them, wound up the
business as follows :
"It now r-r-r-remains for this h-h-h-here
CCT-Court to pronounce you, J-J-Joe Bowers,
and y-y-you, Nancy Harkens, man and wife ;
and" hero the Judge paused to wipe the per
spiration from his face "m-m-may G-G-God
Ormity h-h-have mercy on your s-s-souls!
Sheriff, remove the culprits!"
The company roared. Joe and Nancy weak
ened. The Sheriff" was taken with a leaving.
The Judge let himself out loose in a glass of
apple-jack. It was the greatest wedding ever
witnessed.
Sheridan agreed with Walker about the word
wind pronouncing it wind ; but differed from
him with respect to gold, which he would pro
nounce goold. Sheridan tells us that Swift
used to jeer those who pronounced wind with
a short i, saying "I have a great minn'd to
flnn'd why you pronounce it wiun'd." An il
liberal critic retorted this upon Mr. Sheridan,
by saying "if I may bo so boold, I shonld bo
glad to be toold why yon pronounce jt goold."
The Economy of Nature.
In tbe great universe, to whatever part of it
we turn, one controlling principle is ever ap
parent, one sentiment seems to pervade the
whole economy; and so forcibly does this
strike the attention of every one of us, that
we have expressed it in a proverb and use it as
a motto, "Waste not, want not." The flowers
are ever ready to receive the dew-drops, and
when they have done with them, the morning
sun evaporates and keeps them in the clouds
ready for use again. Matter is indestructible,
and although we can by fire and other means
render it invisible, what is our surprise to find
that it has assumed a gaseous form, and tbe
piece of charcoal that we burned is now float
ing in the room, mixed with the atmosphere
we are breathing. - Matter is ever changing.
The forces of nature which we call chemical
action, gravity, electricity, light, heat, and
life, are unceasingly effecting the transmuta
tion of substances; thus, for example, ages
long since rolled away, myriads of little crea
tures with shells not larger than a pin's head,
acted as the scavengers of the ocean, they
died, and sunk to the bottom of the deep, and
to-day we find their shells as chalk and lime
stone all over the world, and naturalists tell us
that on the sea bottom of the Gulf of Mexico,
and in various parts of the Gulf Stream, there
are limestone beds being formed by the modern
representatives of the ancient Foraminiera.
The lovely tints that deck the leaves in the
Fall, and give to our autumnal scenery such a
distinctive beauty, is due to some bed of iron
ore, which has lain hidden beneath the rocks
for centuries. Some little brook first found it
out, and carrying it away bit bybit has spread
it over the soil, gradually the iron ore crum
bles, and the winds disperse it, the trees feed
upon it, and in the autumn it shows that it is
there, by the color of the leaves. When trees
shall have decayed, and what is now dry land
shall have been depressed and upheaved, cov
ered by the sea aud scorched by the sun, who
knows but that that same iron may form a nod
ule or ball in a bed of coal, and be worked and
smelted for tbe use of man. All these chan
ges work together harmoniously. All goes on
in exact proportions. No waste, no want !
"What is one man's meat is another's poi
son" is another maxim which the economy of
nature teaches, and one simple illustration
will quickly make it plain. The solid portion
of living things, if we except the skeleton, is
carbon charcoal. This all animals must have
in their food, and from the food the digestive
organs take as much as is necessary to make
muscle, flesh and tissue, throwing the rest a
way from the lungs as an invisible gas, poison
ous and deadly. When we for a moment
think of the number of beings who are every
moment breathing into the common atmo
sphere such vast quantities of this gas, and
have been doing if for centuries, we ask, "How
is it, then, that we can live 7" In the quiet
and still night, when men and animals sleep,
the plants are greedily and eagerly absorbing
all this carbonic acid, and with care taking ev
ery particle of carbon for their own nourish
ment, they throw off as useless that which is
most necessary to the support of animal life
oxygen. So the proverb is illustrated, for
what is the poison of the animal is the food of
the plant.
In this way, lessons may be learned by stu
dying the workings of the natural forces, and
by imitating the economy of nature, we shall
ever be healthy, happy and content.
A Carious Document
Washington as everybody knows, was very
methodical; and he was particular to have
matters about which a dispute might arise,
"put in writing." Tbe article below is copied
from one of his, "and is both characteristic
and amusing." It is an agreement with his
gardner, who, it appears, was in the Labit of
getting "tight."
"Articles of agreement made this twelfth
day of April, Anno Domini, one thousand'sev
eu hundred and eighty-seven, by and between
George Washington, Esq., of the Parish of
Truro, in the county of Fairfax, State of Vir
ginia, on one part and Philip Bater, Gardner,
on the other. Witness, that the said Philip
Bater, for and in consideration of the cove
nants herein hereafter mentioned, doth prom
ise and agree to serve the said George Wash
ington lor fhe term of one year as a Gardner,
and that he will during the said time, conduct
himself soberly, diligently and honestly that
he will faithfully and industrionsly perform all
and every part of his duty as a Gardner, to the
best of his knowledge and abilities, and that
he will not at any time suffer himself to be
disguised with liquor, except on times here
after mentioned.
In consideration of these things being well
and truly performed on the part of said Philp
Bater, tho said George Washington doth agree
to allow him (the said Philip) the same Kind
and quality of provisions as he has heretofore
had, and likewise annually a decent suit of
clothes, befitting a man in his station ; to con
sist of a coat vest and breeches; a working
jacket and breeches of homespun, besides two
white shirts, three check do, two linen pocket
handkerchiefs, two pair of linen overalls ; as
many pair of shoes ai are necessary for him ;
four dollars at Christmas, with which he may
be drunk four days and four nights ; two dol
lars at Easter to effect the same purpose ; two
dollars at Whitsuntide, to be drunk two days ;
a dram in the morning and a drink of grog at
dinner and at noon.
For the true and faithful performance of all
and each part of these things, the parties nave
hereunto set their hands this twenty-third day
of April, Anno Domini, 1787.
Philip Bater, his m mark.
Witness : George Washington.
George A. Washington ; Tobias Lear.
A Romantic Stoet. The Staats Zeitung
tells ns that, some years ago, a young man
was living in New York city on a high scale,
nis name was William Frazer. He had a
large business, good connections, and was so
much engaged by the world's glitter and dis
play, that he had no time to look after his
sister, at that time a poor teacher in one of
the boarding schools of New York ; and by-and-by
he forgot her entirely. Some days
ago an aged man was arrested near Baltimore,
and brought back to Morristown, N. J., where
he broke out of the cell he was confined in to
await his sentence tor counterfeiting. It
was William Frazer. The once poor teacher
lives now at Paris, in the Palais Elysee Bor
bon, on the Champs Elysee, and is the wife
of Lncien Mnrat. She may dream of kings
and crowns, while her unfortunate brother Is
awaiting his sentence to the State prison.
DOESTICKS ON LAGER BEEK.
Doesticks has been trying to ascertain by
experiment whether or not Lager is intoxicat
ing. He and" his friend Damphool entered a
Saloon. The rest we give in his own words :
"After a long search we found two chairs
which were not pre-empted by Dutchmen, but
the smoke was so thick, we had to cut little
air holes with our jack-knives, before we could
see to sit down, without getting into some
body's bier mug. Theu in German we thump
ed on the table vigorously, till a German lady
loomed through the tobacco fog, and finally
answered our summons. Some of her playful
countrymen had just baptized her with bier
slops, aqd she was now dripping from the re
cent flood, and as wet as if she had been out
in a shower of Lager without an umbrella.
"Damphool gave her a feeble wink, and said
'zwei' whereupon she brought us with her own
fair hands two mugs of the beverage known as
'Lager,' and stood waiting with her hands on
her lips thought she wanted to enter into con
versation, so by way of making myself agree
able, I winked as Damphool had, and also said
'zwei' thought 'zwei' was a term of endear
ment. She deserted ns for an instant, and
came back with two more mugs of bier. I im
agined of course 'zwei' meant 'darling' and
that she had misunderstood me attempted to
explain in a manner following : 'zwei, zwei,'
said I, 'no more bier, but zwei,' after which
lucid explanation ; she vanished and brought
two more mugs, at which Damphool stopped
laughing long enough to tell me she would
keep bringing pint doses of Lager as long as I
continued to remark 'zivei,' which he inform
ed me meant 'two glasses of Lager, and be in
a hurry about it,' be said also that the reason
she did not leave when she had served us, was
bocause she wanted her change paid her the
money thanked my friend for his gratuitous
lesson in German, and began to drink.
"The first glass seemed like sour strong beer
with a good deal of water in it, tbe next was
not quite so sour, and the next one tasted as
though the original beer had been stronger and
they had not diluted it so much. Then we
rested, and as 1 had drank three pints already,
I was willing to quit, but Damphool assured
mo 'Lager isn't intoxicating,' so after a little
settling down, I thought I could hold another
glass, and ordered it; it was bro't by a young
lady who seemed to have four eyes and two
noses, pointing in different directions, which
effect was undoubtedly caused by smoke.
"Then I thought I'd have a glass of Lager
(a liquid known to most of the inhabitants of
Manhatten.) It was brought by a girl so pret
ty that I immediately ordered two more, and
kept her waiting for the change each time so I
could look at her then we had some cheese
full of holes ; then wo took some Lager to fill
up the holes ; then we took some sausage ;
Damphool suggested that tbe sausage was made
of dog; took some Lager to drown the dog;
then we had sonivj sardines; Damphool said it
would be cruel to keep the fishes without a
supply of tho liquid element, so we had some
Lager for the fishes to swim in ; then we had
some pretzels ; Damphool said the pretzels
were so crooked that they would not pack
close, so we had some Lager to fill up the
chinks; then I made a speech to the compa
ny ; short but to the point, and was received
with great applause it was addressed to the
whole crowd and- was to this effect : "Gen
tlemen, let's have some Lager?'
"By this time my friend by some mysterious
process became mysteriously multiplied, and
there were fifty Damphools and they all accep
ted the invitatiou and we had the Lager; there
were forty glasses, and in trying to make the
circuit ol the room and touch my glass to eve
ry one of theirs I fell over a table which very
impertinently stepped before me ; as I went
down I knocked a small Dutchman into the
corner, theu 1 fell over him, then I partially
recovered myself and sat on his head, then 1
got up and stepped on his stomach, then I de
manded an instant apology, then I called for
six glasses of Lager, and tiic girl brought them
all in one hand; I tried to take them all in
one hand and broke three ; then I tried to
drink out of the remaining three all at once,
and in so doing took an involuntary shower
bath ; then I tried to pay for the whole fifty
glasses and the damage with a dime and a
Spanish quarter and demanded that she should
give me my change in gold dollars; there
seemed to be some difficulty about this, and if
I hadn't known that Lager isn't intoxicating I
should have thought the man was drunk."
Put Awat tor Safe Keeping. A wealthy
lady of Cincinnati, Ohio,who has a great dread
of burglars, some time ago put away a valua
ble gold watch, and chain iu a bag of old rags,
the accumulated odds and ends of the sewing
room. A few days since a tin pedlar called at
the lady's house, offering to change his ware
for rags, when the identical bag was produced,
bargained for, weighed, and delivered to the
pedlar, who then departed. After admiring
her new tinware, the lady suddenly recollected
the watch and chain, and sent to seek tbe ped
lar in all directions, but to no effect. The po
lice, however, succeeded in arresting the tin
merchant and recovering the watch.
Gen. William Walker, at the head of eight
hundred filibusters, armed with Minie rifles
and Colt's revolvers, and having a battery of
eighteen field-pieces, is reported by a gentle
man just arrived at St. Louis from Albuquer
que, to have crossed the Rio Grande, near El
Paso, about the 1st of July, on their way to
Sonora, which they of course intend to con
quer and ultimately annex . a la Texas. Col.
Titus, of Kansas infamy, is said to have join
ed them at El Paso. This story is very direct
and circumstantial, but still it is not fully cred
ited. Tbe truth will soon develop itself.
The Southern papers do not comment very
freely upon the romantic incident of a gentle
man in New Orleans, who killed himself for
love of a two hundred and fifty pound ne
gress. When the two hundred and fifty poun
der was asked about her lover, she remarked
with a horse laugh "Well, the Lord sakes,
what a fool dat white man was, to lub dis nig
gar." If this had occurred in Boston instead
of New Orleans, think of the Southern eyes
rolled up. and the feverish excitement about
the amalgamation of the races.
C-The sheep In the meadow, and the axe
in the forest, alike contribute their "chops"
for tbe benefit of man.
DSThe Kansas city Journal says that five
thousand letters were received at tbe post of
fice in that city in one day. '. ' ;
A Fast Frigate.
David Constable says there is one advantage
about old fashioned frigates." They drag so
much dead water behind that if a man tails
over-board on Monday, you need not atop till
Friday to pick him up again, ne never gets
beyond a few yards from the stern post. In
confirmation of this opinion, he refers lis to a
well-known anecdote connected with Captain
Pompous, of the frigate "Wash Tub-" One
evening, while running p the Mediterranean
tinder a one-horse breeze, Pompous came on
deck just before sun-down, and entered into
the following conversation with Mr. Smile, tho
first lieutenant :
"I heard a little noise on deck just now, Mr.
Smile ; what was the cause of it 7"
"A man fell from the fore-yard."
Without saying anotheT wtrd, Captain Pom
pous entered the cabin, and was not seen again
until next morning after breakfast, when bo
once more refreshed the deck with his pres
ence, and again entered into conversation with
the first lieutenant.
"I think you told me, Sr. Smile, that a man
fell overboard from the fore-yard last evening.'
"I did, sir."
"Have you picked him up yet T"
"No, sir."
"Well, you had better do it some time dur
ing the morning, or the poor devil will begin
to starve."
The lieutenant obeyed orders, lowered a
boat about noon, and found the gentleman who
disappeared from the fore-yard, but eighteen
inches further astern than he was fourteen
hours before. Ho was lying on his back fast
asleep.
We got this from "an eye witness."
Where are we Drifting. The expendi
ture of the Government will reach nearly one
hundred million dollars this present year,
while the revenues from all sources will not
reach fifty-five millions, and it is the opinion
of many that it will not exceed fifty millions.
'Independent" writing to the United States
Gazette from Washington states that in all
probability the Deficiencies "Bill to be brought
into Congress at the next session will reach
fifteen millions of dollars, which is to be ad
ded to the above. When James Buchanan
tooK possession of the White House, there
was a surplus in the Treasury over and above
the expenses of Government, of eighteen
millions of dollars, all of which has been
squandered and a debt of about fa ft millions
created besides, which in all probability will
be increased forty millions more the present
year. Tbe question may well be asked,
if hither are we drifting 7
Galignam, noticing the fact that Mr. Bar
nam had passed through Paris, on his way to
Baden, where he proposed to exhibit Gen.
Tom Thumb, tells this story of the little "Gen
eral :" The General has now attained his
twenty-first year,and though "in mind a man,"
is"in"bu'k less than a baby still." It is told
of him that in a recent -angry discussion with
his mother, in whose favor he had recently
made his will, the JaTne menaced his little
person with a flogging unless he complied with
her wishes. But Tom, notwithstanding, con
tinued to hold out until finding himself sus
pended in mid-air in one hand, and the birch
ready to be applied in the other, he roared out
at the top of his infantine voice, "Mind what
you are about mother; if you hit me I'll
change my will, yen ma depend on it," and
the birch, as if by enchantment, fell harmless
from the nplifted hand.
Camp Meeting PREVENTEn bt Hoop Skirts.
The Rockingham (Va.) Register says that a
projected camp meeting in that county was in
definitely postponed in consequence of tbe im
mense expansion of hoops! A considerable
enlargement of the "camp" would be necessa
ry to accommodate the ladies, and, consider,
ing tho expense and shortness of the time to
make necessary airangeiueuts, it was conclu
ded to indefinitely postpone the meeting.
See, ladies, what you have done by jour ex
pansive system.
From statistics carefully collected in Eng
land it appears that in that country three
hundred and fifty seven intemperate persona
die for every one hundred and ten of tem
perate habits. At twenty years of age, an In
temperate man may expect to lire fifteen and
a half years longer, while a temperate man of
the same age may expect to live forty-fonr
years longer. At thirty, an intemperate mart
will ordinarily live twenty years longer, wbilo
a temperate mau will live twenty nine years
longer. '
E7"A new dodge is being practiced by dis
honest shop-keepers in New York. A lady
makes a purchase And gives the clerk a bank
bill in payment. Tbe clerk goea for change
and shortly comes back with a bill which ho
alleges the lady gave him, and which is bad.
Tho lady knows different, but the shopman
bullies and threatens until she is glad to get
away without money or goods. Two such ca
ses have occurred in New York within the
past week. ' . -
Young Mr. Pope, of Cass county, Missouri,
went with another person In pursuit of horses
that had been stolen from his father, and upon
arriving in Bates county they were both taken
prisoners by the 'horse-thieves, who assassina
ted young Pope, and fired upon the other man,
but bo escaped by running and concealing
himself, it being dark at tbe time. The mur
derers alleged, in excuse, that the parties had
teen concerned with Montgomery's band in
Kansas. : ' ; ! -
A Northern Pacific Rocte. It is said
that the Administration is considering the ex
pediency of dispatching a regiment of troops
to open a northern route to the Pacific By
opening this route, which was surveyed by
Governor Stevens, immigration to the North
west would pass through onr own possessions
instead of those of Great Britain - mr,A
States wonld grow up in those rich mineral
and agricultural regions.now but a wilderness.
DThe receipts from customs at the Phila
delphia custom honse, in July, reached $243,
284, against $643,201 for July ot last year.
The total receipts of the last aeven months
haTe amounted to $1,190,728: aame time Jast
year $2,162,402. r . ,
Goods vx Bond. It appears that tbe amount
of goods in tbe bonded warehouse at N. York:
on the 1st ult., was not quite $13,000,000, be
ing a reduction of about $24,000,000. compa
red with tho corresponding period of last year.