Newspaper Page Text
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BY S. B. ROW.
WINTER THE POOR.
' AX OLD BALLAD. .
Blenk o'er the plain the winds tremendous blow,
0 purest white the fleecy shower descends;
The tyrant frost forbids the streams to flow,
And ay its horror rig'rous winter spends.
Now yo, who fortune s various gifts enjoy,
Who bask in sunshine of her warmest rays ;
Ye. whom nor tempest, cold, nor want annoy,
H'hose days glide on in afiiuence and case ;
. - .5: of the Poor, the destitute forlorn
Extend your bounty to the wretch distressed ;
IUuok from the tortnr'd breast the cank'ring thorn,
By misery pointed and by care impressed-
Let not your hearts, by gaiety misled.
Be rendered callous to the tale of woe;
Bnt clothe the naked, give the hungry bread ;
Forbid the tears of wretchedness to. flow.
Tor. oh ! the rigors of the year require
Some fostering hand the lingering wretch to save.
Leave for a while your mirth, your social fire,
, To rescue suffering mortals from the grave.
For know your fortune is the gift of hear'n.
But not by heaven for you alone designed ;
In trust for gen'rons purposes 'twas giv'n.
- And proves a blessing to the gen'rous mind.
Trove yourselves worthy of the sacred trust ;
From dire oppression rescue the opprest;
Believe yeur fellow creatures ; 'tis but just;
And you in blejsing will bo ever blest.
OUR COUNTRY'S DANGERS.
' In the Lutheran Obserrcrwe find lengthy ex
tracts from a sermon, delivered at Hollidays
l'tirg, on the 22d of Not., by Rev. L. Knight,
from 1 Tim. 2, 1-4. "The text, he says, im
plies that tho early christians were in danger of
losing their religious liberty that they were
In danger of not leading a quiet, peaceable
life in godliness and honesty," and fnquires,
"Are wo in danger of losing our civil and re
ligious liberties ? &c. We may infer from the
text that there is danger, because this Scrip
ture was intended as a rule of faith and action
for all christians in future time." Luxury he
regards as one source of danger to the civil
and religious liberties of this country, being
an enemy to any form of government, and has
been the ovorthrow of those who were proof
ngainst tbemighty armies of the earth. Han
nibal, the great Carthagenian general, after flhe
battle of Cannae, In which 40,000 Romans were
lain, with whose dead bodies the son of Arail-
car made a bridge, and sent three bushels of
gold rings, taken from tho fingers of the slain
Roman Knights, to Carthage, had Rome in his
power; but he retired to Capua, where the
Carthagenian soldiers soon forgot to conquer
In the pleasures of the luxurious city, and in
stead of Hannibal taking the city, tho city
took him and his mighty army. Luxury was
their overthrow. It afterwards proved the ru
In of Rome herself, and other ancient repub
lics. Let us not flatter ourselves that we are
In no danger from this insinuating and enchant
ing foo. There is a false, a too fastidious or
squeamish refinement finding its way into the
churches, and even into the pulpits of the
country, tad is sapping the very foundations
of Christianity. St. Paul said, 2 Tim. iv, 3,4,
"The time will come when they will not en
dnre sound doctrine, but after their own lusts
hall heap to them teachers, having itching
ears'&c. And as to extravagant indulgences
in the pleasures of the table, and the exhorbi-
tant nse of costly dress and equipage; though
tho crops should fail and the times grow pinch
ing hard; though many rich become poor, and
the merchants become bankrupt ; though pes
tilence should walk in darkness and destruc
tion waste at noon-day; and though thousands
fall in the East and in the South, in the "West
or in the North, ono half tho survivors would
import the most costly silks, cloths, brandies,
wines and gewgaws clotho in fine linen and
fare sumptuously every day, while the other
half might go in rags and starve. Licentious
ness and drunkenness are ever .the foul com
panions of luxury. More than ten millions of
gallons of rum have been consumed by the in
habitants of the United States since the sign
ing of the Declaration of Independence, coat
ing in dollars alone more than ire &i7ions, and
has sent serin millions of drunkards into eter
nitv; has caused pauperism, crime, imprison
merit tho cost of trials and punishment, add.
cd to that of the liquor, loss of time, &c,
would amount to a sum sufficient to build
20,000 miles of canals, 50,000 miles of railroad,
enroort all the colleges, seminaries ana cnurcn
cs of the country, educate all the children,
keep ail the poor, and send the Bible and mis
sionaries to every heathen nation on tnegiooc.
Is It a wonder we groan under our taxes ? Is
It at wonder that we have such cnormcus na
tional and etate debts? Is it not a wonder
that we ve exist?
nothcr source of danger to the country is
minimi corruption. This is fonnd in all ranks
of our office bearers; and if occasionally an
exception is found, one who has tho nobleness
of soul to resist bribery and stem the desola
ting tide of political corruption and dema-
ogueism, in vindication of right, trutn ana
Instfce. he is soon forsaKcn uy
less and nameless parties of the country, con-
.-.aa ontric. and laughed at lor nis pains
The time was when ministers of the gospel
were expected to discourse freeiy irora mo
... it,. oATin.
Y.ir!f n the political conamon oi w
trv. As an evidence of this we have only to
rnn... th nublished sermons of ancient Ui
vines. This was in the days of Washington,
ll.mii, Ju.lc. But alas! my country
men, how changed the times. Xow a minister
ol the gcpcl, who ought to know at least as
much as another humble citizen, dare scarcely
exnrea his n;n in nublic or private ; if ho
have the presumption to exercise his humble
privilege at the ballot-box, he often gives mor
tal offence. - "
A third source of danger is Popery. Of this
we have long ago been warned by such illustri
ous men as Washington and Lafayette. Many
Roman Catholics in this country are no doubt
among our best class of citizens and little know
the intentions of their leaders. Many Protest
ants, too, apprehend no danger from this
source, at least they profess not to see it.
There aro many Jesuits in this country, some
wearing the garb of neutrality,and others even
that of Protestantism! And, although the
bold attempt to destroy our free school system,
tho burning of the sacred word of God, and
the sudden entrance into the political arena
and grasping the balance of power, did arouse
American freemen from their slumbers for a
little season; they seem nevertheless to be clo
sing their eyes again in security. And unless
God in mercy prevent it, they will awake be
fore long, like Samson, shorn of their strength.
Bonaparto, one of theniost sagacious men and
greatest generals that ever lived, was outwit
ted and ruined by two Jesuits in his cabinet.
And then wo have in this country thousands
of nothingarians, or dough-faced Protestants
and political Esaus, who would sell their coun
try's liberty for a mess of postage. Daniel O'
Connell, said in 1843, "You should do all in
your power to carry out the intentions of his
holiness, the Tope. Where you have the elec
toral franchise, give votes to none but those who
will assist you in so holy a struggle." Brown-
son says in his Review, (Roman Catholic,) of
November, 1851. that government "is a mis
chievous thing where the Catholic faith does
not predominate to inspire the people with rer-
trence and to teach and accustom them to obey.
The last lesson to be forgotten is obedience.
But is it the intention of the Pope to possess
this country ? Undoubtedly it is. And in this
intention, is he aided by the Jesuits and all the
Catholic prelates and priests In the country ?
Undoubtedly. If they are faithful to their re
ligion." What can be more plain ? Roman
ists themselves tell us their intentions. The
orders arc from head-quarters, that Catholics
in this country are to vote for such persons
only who will assist them in carrying out their
intentions. And the intentions are to have
the power in this country. And I ask every
unprejudiced mind, have Romanists not been
voting, are they not now voting, and will they
not continue to vote, agreeably to these or
ders 7 Yes, verity, to a man. And they will
have many Protestants to help them to carry
out their intentions. And then, according to
Catholic authority, (Tho Rambler,) "If it will
benefit the cause of Catholicism, theJPope will
tolerate them: but if expedient, ho will impri
son, banish, fine or hang them. One thing be.
assured of, he never will tolerate them for
their glorious principles and civil and religi
ous liberty." God save the country from the
rule of the Romanists and their allies.
Another source of danger to the civil and
religious liberties of the country is infidelity.
We may learn what would be our condition.
from the condition of that country where infi
dels and atheists did possess the supreme pow
er and government, and attempt to dispose of
human happiness according to their own doc
trincs and wishes : "The name and profession
of Christianity was renounced by the legisla
ture. Death was declared to be an etornal
sleep. The existence of the Deity and the im
mortality of the soul were formally disavowed
by the national convention, and the doctrine
of the resurrection from the dead was declared
to have been only preached by superstition for
the torment of the living. Correspondent with
these professions were the cflects actually pro
duced. Public worship was utterly abolished
The churches in France were converted into
temples of reason, in which atheistical and li
centious homilies were delivered ; and an ab
surd and ludicrous imitation of the pagan my
thology was exhibited under the title of the
religion of reason. In the principal church of
every town a tutelary goddess was installed,
and the females selected to personify this new
divinity were mostly prostitutes, who receiv
ed the adorations of the municipal officers and
multitudes of people, constrained by fear, fa
vor or the motive of cain. All distinctions of
right and wrong were confounded; tragedy
followed tragedy in almost breathless success
sion on the theatre of France ; the waters of
the river were impeded in their progress by
the dt owned bodies of ministers of religion;
children were put to death as they clung about
the knees of their destroyers ; tho moral and
social ties were all broken : women denounced
their husbands, brothers, and sons as bad citi
zens and traitors I"
Three millions of human beings are suppos
ed to have perished in France through the in
fluence of infidelity ! O, unhappy France !
Never, perhaps, will she altogether recover
from these dire effects. Should we, as a nation,
adopt such sentiments, what crimes would we
not perpetrate, what agonies would we not suf
fer? And are we in no danger ? What mean
those gatherings in many parts of our country
for mirth and pleasure on the holy Christian
Sabbath, trampling it with contempt in the
dust ? What mean those cflorts put forth to
have the Lord's day abolished, as it was in
France ? What mean all the numberless and
nameless infidel associations in the country,
from Mormonism down through bpintuaiism
to Free Love societies ? Hat mean mose u-
CLEARFIELD, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1850.
forts occasionally put forth by our rulers to
have the Bible, all ministers of the gospel,and
their services excluded from the Senate cham
bers and Congress halls of the nation? What
means that great opposition to the Bible, on
which our civil and religious institutions are
mainlv built ? O say not there is no danger ;
when there are thousands upon thousands, both
nativo born and foreign, as rank infidels in this
country as there ever were in France; and
when thousands more of the same sort are
landing on our shores annually. And if we
would never have reason substituted for the
Bible ; if we would have no foreign potentate
build upon our ruins; if we wouM not see our
government sapped to its foundation, our con
stitution trampled in the dust, our glorious
union divided, and our beloved country bleed
ing at every pore ; if we would never stoop to
tho dogmas of the tnystio Babylon, nor bow the
knee in vassalage te her sainted bishop,we must
faithfully obey the injunctions ol the text.
THE COLISEUM AT ROME.
From tho X. Y. Observer.
The coliseum is one of the noblest ruins of
ancient times. It is a magnificent structure,
even in its present dilapidated state, and is
peopled with a thousand associations among
which the scholar and the Christian linger with
equal interest. It was called by the ancient
Romans the Flavian Amphitheatre, from Fla
vius Vespasianns, who laid the foundation up
on a portion of tho space occupied by Nero in
ornamenting his famous golden house or pa
lace. It stands in a valley between the Pala
tine, the Esquiline and the Coelian hills. Ves
pasian did not live to complete it. He died
after laying the foundation ; but his son Titus,
whose name is forever associated with tho fall
of the Holy City, took up tho work and com
pleted it. It is said that Titus employed in
this work the Jews whom lie brought as cap
tives to Rome after the taking of Jerusalem.
Tradition also says that it was designed by a
Christian architect, who was subject to the
despotic authority of tho emperor, and who
afterwards suffered martyrdom. At the dedi
cation of the building 5,000 wild beasts were
slain in the arena, and games were celebrated
for nearly 100 days continuously.
The form of tho Coliseum is oval, its gi cat
er axis being 620 feet and the smaller 52,
making the circuit about one-third of a mile.
The superficial space that it covers is nearly
six acres, the greater portion of which is oc
picd by the massive walls and arches that sup
ported the scats, which ran back from the are
na to the heighth of more than 100 feet above
the ground ; the outer wall as it stands being
157 feet high. The arena which was devoted
to the games and gladiatorial shows in early
tines, is about 800 feet in length, and less
than 200 wide, corresponding in shape to the
oval form of the building. The structure it
self has suffered greatly from the ravages of
hands equally profane with those which caus
ed its erection. For a long time it served as
a common quarry for Rome, several of the
palaces and many more of the private dwel
lings having been built from the material of its
walls. This work of demolition was arrested
by its consecration to the memory of the Chris
tian martyrs who had perished in the arena.
One form of idolatry is frequently substituted
in Rome for another. Ancient paganism has
been superseded by a system which still al
lows the worship of wood and of stone. A
large cross now stands in the centre of tho are
na, bearing an inscription which promises 200
days indulgence to all who kiss it, and as many
days for each kiss. I have often stood and
watched the ignorant devotees of popery, stop
ping to purchase by such an embrace a more
speedy release from the pains of purgatory,
aud repeating the embrace in the vain and
senseless hope that kissing the wood was an
effectual means of laying up for themselves a
itore of grace to be used in the time of need
The student of ancient history lingers with
the deepest interest around this vast building,
as his imagination carries him back to the
days when some eighty or a hundred thousand
were assembled to witness the games in which
the combatants met to try their strength in
mortal strife, or to fall a prey to wild beasts
One can almost see the wrestlers or the gladi
ators, and hear the shouts of the myriads as
some favorite is victorious. But to the Chris
tian this amphitheatre :s full of the most sa
cred associations, painful though they be.
Hero thousands of the early disciples of Jesus
suffered death, and, strange to say, contribu
ted to the sport of their pagan persecutors.
Here were witnessed by countless crowds, a-
mopg which sat emperors, scenes over which
angels hovered, as they waited to conduct the
spirits of the suffering saints to receive tho
palm of victory and tho crown of martyraom
The noblest of the martyrs of the Coliseum
was Ignatius, bishop of Antioch. While the
Emperor Trajan was visiting this ci'y.hc heard
of tho faith and zeal of this minister of Christ,
and offered him a large reward if he would sac
rifice to the Roman gods. He replied, "should
you offer me all the treasures of your empire,
I would not cease to adore the only true and
living God." Ignatius was summoned to
Rome after having been threatened without a
vail. On his way he was met eveiywhere by
Christian friends whom he encouraged to per
severe, and who in turn strsngthened his heart
in its purpose not to shrink from any suffering
for the sake of Christ. He besought the Chris
tians of Rome not to intercede for his life, ex
pressing his perfect willingness to meet the
ild beasts and to become their food, that ne
might show his love to Jesus. When brought
into tho amphitheatre be thus addressed tho
assembled multitude who were eager to wit
ness his death ; "Men and Romans, know that
I am not brought hero for any crime, but for
the glory of the God I worship;" and the
words had scarcely fallen from his lips before
the lions were let loose upon him, and soon
tore him to pieces. After the sports of the
day were over his friends entered the arena
and gathered up the few bones that were left,
and buried them. Many thousands of the fol
lowers of Christ perished in the Coliseum in a
The last of its martyrs was the monk Tele
maclius. For three centuries gladiatorial com
bats continued to be the favorite amusement
of the Roman people. Constantino prohibited
without suppressing them. Honorius did the
same. Ono day, as the populace were assem
bled to witness the deadiy strife, Telemachus
rushed into the arena and separated the com
batants. The spectators, unwilling to be dis
appointed, in their thirst for blood took the
life of this good man. But this was the last
of such scenes', and tho end of .gladiatorial
shows w ithin its walls.
THE FARMERS' HIGH SCHOOL.
The following extract from the "Memorial
of the Committee of the Board of Trustees,"
will give the reader a clear understanding of
the objects.. &c, of tho Fanner' High School
of Pennsylvania :
The objects of the Farmers' High School of
Pennsylvania are so important, and seem to
commend themselves so directly to public fa
vor, that the trustees come to the Legislature
with perfect confidence that the people's rep
resentatives will afford the aid required to
place the institution in actual operation. Oth
er and younger States have made appropria
tions to similar objects. Why should Penn
sylvania, with her vast agricultural resources,
developed and undeveloped, remain inactive ?
This institution proposes by uniting the ac
quisition of knowledge with daily toil, to im
part interest to tho one, and add dignity to the
other. It proposes to remedy an evil which
exists at every literary institution in the com
monwealth. That evil is the low repute in
which manual labor is held by the student.
We have had, it is true, farms connected with
some of our colleges, upon which those of the
students who chose might lessen the expenses
of acquiring their education by manual labor.
Thoso who. wrought upon the farm were, by
those who did not labor, esteemed poor ; and
like the poor man's children, educated at pub
lic expense under the act of April i, 1809,
they became a distinct class, cut off from the
society of those who, by the very distinction
thus created, were led to believe their parents
rich. It is thus that manual labor is degra
ding in the eyes of the youth of our colleges
to such an extent that, in nine instances out ot
ten, they are graduated with an utter distaste
and abhorrence for the pursuits and occupa
tions of their fathers, whether in the field or
the shop. The association of manual labor
with slavery, which is but an extension of this
same prejudice, rests like an incubus upon the
sunny lands and fertile fields of the South.
There thousands of families endure poverty
and want rather than degrade themselves by
manual labor. Our present common school
laws placing the children of the poor and the
rich upon one comraon platform, it is esteem
ed honorable in all to acquire knowledge at
the public expense.
The Farmers' Hi;rh School proposes to re
quire such amount of manual labor as shall be
found beneficial and proper, of every student,
as ono of the conditions of his admission to,
and of his continuance in the institution. The
ambition of students, thus placed upon a per
fect equality, with no standard but-advancement
in learning, and skill in labor, to elevate
or degrade them, will soon bring into active
exercise energies of mind and of body, which,
but for this incentive to industry, might have
The profits arising from the labor of tho stu
dents are to go into the treasury of the insti
tution, to lessen tho expenses of their educa
tion. It has been estimated that after the in
stitution shall have been put in operation, with
suitable buildings, four hundred acres of such
land as that which has been secured and free
from debtjthe necessary expenses of the stu
dent, including boarding, washing and tuition,
will not exceed seventy-five dollars per annum.
It is not proposed to teach the dead langua
ges. If deemed by any essential to a good ed
ucation, they should be acquired prior to the
age at which pupils can be admitted into the
With this exception it is proposed to afford
the student, in a four years' course, as com
plete and thorough an educati on aa can bo ac
quired at our best literary institutions an ed
ucation which, though not less scientific, shall
bo rendered more practical by tho daily oper
ations and illustrations in the field and the
One great and leading object of the institu
tion is to lessen, by manual labor,the expenses
so as to bring the acquisition of a scientific ed
ucation within the reach of the farming com
munity. How many farmers can afford, out of
the net profits of the farms, to give their sons
a collegiate education at an expense of not less
than three hundred dollars a year ? How few
could not aflord it at an expense of seventy
five dollars ? At this rate, each son could re
ceive an education, returning at the expiration
of tho course to supply upon his father's farm
tho place of the younger brother, whose turn
had come to enjoy the advantages of the insti
stitution. How soon would the son, thus re
stored to the farm he had left but a few years
before, work an entire change upon the yard
the garden the orchard the field? How
much wjuld bo done during hours which in
former years had been spent iu idleness, to
ornament and beautify ?
As an experimental farm,this institution will
greatly benefit the agricultural community.
Experiments in the introduction of new
seeds, grains, roots, modes of culture, farming
implemets, &c, are generally too troublesome
and expensive to be often tried or fully tested
by the individual farmer. At this school, how
ever, which will be in convpoudence with ag
ricultural institutions in every part of the civ
ilized world, experiments can bo made with
groat facility and certainty, and at a compara
tive trifling cost, and the results be mado
known to all the citizens of the Common
wealth w ithout charge.
The cautious farmer will await the result of
experiments and tests constantly going on at
the institution, and introduce upon his farm
only such seeds, grains, plants and roots, and
such modes of cultivation as experience has
shown to be ad.ipted to his soil and climate,
and such machines and implements of hus
bandry as have stood the test of actual trial.
Situate, as the institution will be, in the ge
ographical centre of the State, within about
twenty miles of Spruce Creek Station on the
Pennsylvania Railroad, and within eight or ten
miles of the Lock Haven and Tyrone Railroad,
which will probably be completed by the time
students cau bo admitted, it will be readily ac
cessible to all tho citizens of the State.
The Farmers' High SchDol of Pennsylvania
is emphatically a State institution. The Gov
ernor and Secretary of the Commonwealth,
and the President ofthePcnn'a State Agri
cultural Society, are ex-oflieio members of the
Board of Trustees. Three of the nine remain
ing members of the board are to be elected
annually by the Executive Committee of the
Pcnn'a. State Agricultural Society, and throe
representatives from each county agricultural
society in the Commonwealth. The advanta
ges of the institution will therefore, btj secu
red equally to the citizens of every county in
Notcs os the MiM$sirrt. The story is fa
miliar of the man who took passage in a flat
boat from Tittsburg bound for New Orleans.
He passed many dreary, listless days on his
way down the Ohio and Mississippi, and seem
ed to bo desponding for want of excitement
Superficially, he was quiet and inoffensive ;
practically, he was perfectly good natured and
kindly disposed. In course of time, the craft
upon which he was a passenger put iutoNapo
lean, In the State of Arkansas, "for groceries."
At the moment there was a general fight ex
tending all along the "front of tho town,"
which at that time coesisted of a single house.
The unhappy passenger, after fidgeting about,
and jerking his feet up and down, as if he were
walking on hot bricks, turned to a used up
spectator ami observed :
"Stranger, is this a free fight ?"
The reply was prompt and to the point :
"It ar, and if you wish to go in, don't stand
The wayfarer did "go in" and in less time
than wo can relate the circumstance ho was
Utterly chawed up. Groping his way down to
the flat, his hair gone, his eyes closed, his lips
swollen, and his face generally "mapped out,"
he sat himself dow n on a chicken coop and
soliloquized thus :
"So this is Na-po-le-on, is it ? upon my
word it's a lively place, and the only one at
which I have had any fun since I left home."
Things two hcsired tears hekck. Scene
Parlor in the house of an elderly gent, in
New York. Old gent, telegraphs to the kit
chen, and waiter ascends in balloon.
Old Gent. John, fly over to South Ameri
ca, and tell Mr. Johnson that I will be happy to
have him sup with me. Never mind your coat ;
John leaves, and at tho end of five minutes
John. Mr. Johnson says he will come ; he
has got to go to the North role, for a momont,
and then he will bo here.
Old Gent. Very well, John. Now start the
machine for setting the table, and telegraph to
my wife's room, and tell her that Mr. Johnson
is coming; then brush up my balloon, fori
have an engagement in London at 12 o'clock.
John flies off to execute his orders, and the
old gentleman runs over to the West Indies for
a moment, to get a fresh orange.
Thire is a man in Winchester, Mass., who
Las lived on corn bread so long that his hair
has turned silk, like that which grows on the
grain and bis toes are so full of corns that he
expects to see them co-tered with hu6ks next
Y0L. 2.-T0. 29.
DEAF AUNT AND A DEAF WIFE.
I had an aunt coming to Tisit me for the
first time since my marriage, and I don't
know what evil genius prompted the wicked
ness which I perpetrated towards my wife and
my ancient relative.
"My dear," Said I to my wife, on the day
before ray aunt's arrivnl, "you know Aunt Ma
ry is coming to-morrow ; well, I forgot to
mention a rather annoying circumstance with
regard to her. She's very deaf; and altho
she can hear my voice, to which she is accus
tomed in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order to b
heard. It will be rather inconvenient, but I
know you will do anything in your power to
make her stay agreeable."
Mrs. S. announced her determination to
make herself heard, if possible. I then went
to John T , who loves a juke about as well
as any person I know of, and told him to beat
the house at six P. M. on the lollowing even
ing, and full comparatively happy.
I went to the railroad depot with a carriage
next night, and when 1 was on my way home
with my aunt, I said :
"Dear aunt, there is one rather annoying In
firmity that Anna (his wife) has, which I for
got to mention. She's very deaf, and altho
she can hear my voice, to which she is accus
tomed, in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order tobo
heard. I am very sorry for it. .
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking loud,
and to do so would afford her great pleasure.
The carriage drove up ; on the steps was my
wife, iu the window was John T , with a
face as utterly solemn as if he had buried all
his relatives that afternoon.
I handed out my aunt ; she ascended tho
steps. "I am delighted to see you," shrieked
my wife, and tho policeman on the opposite
side-walk started, and my aunt nearly fell down
"Kiss mo, my dear," howled my annt, sni
the hall lamp clattered and the windows shook
as with the fever and ngue. I looked at the
window. John had disappeared. Human na
ture could stand it no longer, I poked my head
into tho carriagej and went into strong convul
sions. When I entered the parlor, my wife was help
ing Aunt Mary to take off her hat and cape ;
and there sat John with his sober face.
Suddenly, "Did you have a pleasant . .Jftur-
ney ?" went off my wife like a pistol, and John
nearly jumped to his feet.
'Rather dusty," was the rcsppnse, in a war
whoop, and so the conversation continued.
The neighbors for Mocks around must of
heard it. When I was in the third f tory of the
building I heard every word.
In the course of the evening my aunt took
occasion l say to me
"How loud your wife speaks. Don't it hurt
I told her all deaf persons talked loudly, and
that my wifo, being used to it, was not affected
by the exertion, and that Aunt Mary was get
ting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said, softly
"Alf, how very loudly your aunt talks."
"Yes," said I, "all deaf persons do."
"You're getting along with her fluely ; she
hears every word you say." !
And I rather think she did.
Elated at their success in being understood,
they went at it hammer and tongs till everything
on the mantel-piece clattered again, and I was
seriously afraid of a crowd collecting in front
of the house. But the end was near.
My aunt being of an investigating torn of
mind, was desirous of finding out whether the
exertion of talking so loud was not injurious to
my wife. So
"Doesn't talking so loud strain yonr longs ?
said she, in an unearthly whoop, for her voice
was not quite as musical as it was when she
"It is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
Then why do you do it ?" was the answer
"Because because you can't hear if I
don't," squealed my wife.
"What ?" said my aunt, fairly rivaling a rail
road whistle this time.
I began to think it time to evacuate the
premises, and looking round and seeing John
gone, I stepped into the back parlor and there
he lay, flat on his back, with his feet at right
angles to his body, rolling from side to side,
with his face poked into his ribs and a most
agonizing expression of countenance, but not
uttering a sound. I immediately and invol
untarily assumed a similar attitude, and I think
that, from the relative position of our ft bo!
heads, and our attempts to restrain our laugh
ter, apoplexy must inevitably bave ensued, if
a horrible groan, which John gave vent in hi
endeavor to suppress his risibility, had not be
trayed our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who, by this
time comprehended the joke, and such a scold
ing as I then got I never had before, and I
hojHj never to get again.
I know not w hat the end might have been if
John, in his endeavors to appear respectful
and sympathetic, had not givea way to such a
groan aud a horse laugh that all gravity was.
upset, and we screamed out iu concert.
I know it was very wrong, and all that, to.
tall such falsehoods, but I think Mrs-Opi
I herself would have laughed if she had seeo.
Aunt Mary's expression when she was mtorm
ed that her hearing was dfectlr.