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'.':: TV. JJ. JAC03T, Publisher.
Troth and Right -God and. our Country; ,
$2 00 in Advance, per Annum.
VOLUME 17.
BLOOMS BURG. COLUMBIA COUNTY,. PA., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 8. 1865.
NUMBER'S.
11 V 1
V.
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Til D AGED STHAXGER.
'am acoMizijra incident or the war.
1 'I wu with Grant" the stranger said ;
Said the farmer: "Say no more ;
v;iJttt rest thee here al my cottage porch,
"For thy feet are weary and sore."
"I was with Grant" the stranger said ;
' Said the farmer: "Na, do more
'lprithe sit at my frogal board,
h' And eat ot my humble store.
. "How fares my boy my soldier boy,
r r Of the old Ninth Army 'Corps
. I warrant be bore him gallantly
' " la the smoke of .battle's roar?"
"I know him not," said the aged man,
..- ."And as I remarked before,.
, I waa with Grant" Nay, nay, I know,"
Said the larmer, "Say no more !
"He fell in battle I see, alas !
" 'Thou'dst smooth the tidings o'er
Nay, speak the truth whatever it, be, :
-r .-Though it rend my bosom's core. '
"V"How fell he with his face to the fee,
. c Upholding the flag he bore?
'" O, say not that my boy disgraced
!'" 1 The uniform that he wore !"- . , . .
t "I cannot lell,". said the aged man,
v i "And should hare remarked before,
. That Lwaa with Grant in Illinois,5
Some three years before the war."
' Then the farmerepake him never a word
" ' ; But beat with his fist full sore,
.Tbat aged man who had worked for Grant
Some three years before the war !
C!
What has H apposed in Virginia. A let
ter from a "Soalhside Farmer" in Virginia,
to the Richmond JFAtjsays:
' Our system of labor if destroyed, so is
our system of agriculture. Our flat lands
are nodrained, and instead of , being the
eoorcs of profit are the- prolific sources of
disease. Oar high lands are .worn and
waste, and washed into gullies; and ocr
enclosures and farm buildings are gone to
wreck and ruin. Be'tter to begin anew,
. but alas I much that haa been done has to
be undone or removed before we can start
to work. Bat beyond the above, and trans
cending all other difficulties surrounding
our agricultural, and indeed, all other in
dustrial questions, is the condition of our
labor, which from being an active element
of production, has become torpid and ' un
productive, and is absolutely and rapidly
becoming exclusively consuming,
t .-T . "In this vicinity our farmers are
ready and anxious to promote immigration
and introduce while" labor in our midst.
Within an area of about ten miles square,
our landholders have agreed to cat off and
appropriate an aggregate amount of about
ten thousand acres of land, to be divided
off for sale, lease or rent to colonists, in lots
"of suitable size , for families,; upon : such
terms -as will secure labor for : the cultiva
tion of the land retained by the present pro
prietors. Can we accomplish this scheme ?
The lands, with which you are familiar, are
within thirty: or forty miles ei Richmond."
Never Slept with that Regiment. Sen
ator'Wilsoaof Massachusetts, now stump
ing this Stare, went to Washington at .the
bead of tho 22d Massachusetts volunteers,
but, it "will be remembered, turned tail at
the capital and lef his men go on to battle
while he cultivated the arts, of peace in the,
United States Senate, tn bis speech at Yon
kers he said," m abusing the 'Democratic
party; MI know them. 1 have slept with them,
wintered with them, and summered with
them." .'Just then a. returned soldier in the
audience called out at the top of his voice,
" Well ichat if you kave ? Yort never slept with
(he 22d MassadiuUlls J" The roar of laugh
ter . which '. greeied ihis". sally completely
abashed the eloquent gentleman, and when
it subsided be hadn't the heart to go on with
bis YJluperatfoa' W. Y. Worli. '.'
.The.Fenians have put - the bonds of 'The
ffi;h iRepobJicM ;qpea the market.: -They
re of th danominationr cfsSlO, $20, S50,
IC0 and 530, and are : beautifully "printed,
ybsy ara to'.bear six per cent, interest, and
will be paid six njonths after ;the acknowU
pdjaoieatcf the Irish nation. ' - :
Tar fo'Iowinj is .Pres'idenl Johnson's
ppiaioa' of the ..Isaders of'the Republican
p?1 i, j - t ' ": : :
-'.'The man who 'deliberataly and boldly
asserts that Thomas Jefferson, when he pen
ned .fie sentin;2nt that ail men were created
eqaal, bad the nero in his minu'j lit either
an idict ci a . knave. - - t
J7erie!l Phillips declares the republican
pa-r r'a-l; so dcea C A, Dana (la:e Gree
Uy's -partner,), ia' las iTxibsaa.. ':. He 'says
."ths'.'r:; ;t'lcaci era .iiJSsg the 'political
rzzz a Zzii tr.-'at instead" .;L'v czti."'
Pie-niM and how ta Enjoy Tfiem. '
. ' "
Corry O'Lanns, ofthe Brooklyn Eagle, has
a sensible article on pic-nics. Soma of bis
illustrations will answer any meridian, and
we take a slice of his entertaining dish :
Get packed in a car like a box of oranges,
and smetherin white muslin until you get
to the grove, where yon will arrive in a
state of perspiration and bliss. , :
- Don't be particular about your own basket.-
Baskets usually get mixed. ;
Take the biggest one you can get. .The
ladies always fill their baskets.
When von eet in the crove.von are ex
pected to declare that it is the delightfulest
spot yon ever saw. .
Select a pretty teacher,' and explore the
shady recesses, and pour out your soul.
When it is poured out, ask the young, la
dy if the won't take a swing,
- She will. , ;
. Sawyer has aung 'Swinging in the Lane,'
but I don't think he ever tried swinging in
a grove. I did.
I was kept at it for three hours and a
quarter, swinging all the girls that came
along.
It is splendid exercise, beats Burnham's
gymnasium, double trapeze and all. I
havn't got over it yet.
An old lady then proposed that I should
ciimb an apple tree to extricate her Johnny,
who had got his trowsers involved in a
branch about thirty feet up, and was hnng
like a sign of the golden fleece.
Told the bid lady to wait till he get ripe
and he'd drop of his own accord.
Old lady said I was a brute, and hadn't
got the feeling of a mother. .- --
She went to the man that kept the park
and sold lager. He brought a ladder and
restored the expiring youth to the fond em
brace of his maternal relative.
Whereupon she spanked him for tearing
his trowsers.
Which served him right.
We then took dinner.
Pretty leacher spread her pocket hand
kerchief for a table cloih and unpacked the
ration. ,
' The rations had got somewhat mixed.
'. The sardine box had booted and "struck
ale." The huckleberry pie had amalgama
ted with the pickles, and the cherries bad
resolved themselves into jam.
But it was.so charming to eat your dinner
on the grass beneath the umbrageous shade
of the noble trees.
So the pretty teacher had observed, as I
was squeezing the lemons in the dinner
kettle to make the festive beverage, which
neither cheers nor inebriates, bat frequently
stom-ach-aches.
I was started by a piercing shriek from
the pretty teacher, and I dropped a bu f
lemon partly squeezed and flew to the res
cue. A "horrid bug," descending from the um
brageous foliage previously mentioned, had
alighted on her alabaster neck.
: I despatched the creature and we pro
ceeded te despatch our repast.
But the insect horrors thickened.
Entomological specimens of many vari
eties intruded upon our banquet, got involv
ed in the pie, and met a very watery grave
in the lemonade.
Pretty teacher, turned pale and lost her
appetite.
I grew desperate. A the reckless in
sects wouldn't get out of the way, I left
them to their fate.
I eat several indescribable specimens with
my. sandwiches, and drank a spider in a
glass of lemonade.
1 surrived it.
1 don't know how it agreed with the spi
der. After dinner we resumed our festive
sports. .
;We played Copenhagen. '
Which is very hilarious sport.
It oonsiats of chasing girls under a rope
tearing their clothes and kissing them.
The girl appear to like it,
The dominie who had been-survey inp,
our sports with benign satisfaction, propos
ed to improve the occason in oratory.
Just as be was about to hold forth, a pro
vidential thunder shower extinguished him
and saved us the infliction. '
' We took shelter under a eeven-by-nine
shed wisely prepared for such ' contingen
cies, and overflowed the refreshment shanty
until the shower dried up ... .
, Groves are not immediately.improved by
showers, and the grass-being wet and the
leaves drooping, our festivities were damp
ened. ' '
We began lo experience the remorse
which follows dissipation. ;
Pretty teacher was in tears ; she had ru
ined her dress by accidentally sitting 'down
in a currant pie. , v
The ice cream bad all mailed, the straw
berries were. gone. .
We started in a wilted procession for the
cars. -'" -"' ' ' ;
The conductor being a liberal man, gave
us a larger lease of pleasure than we bar
gained for, and kept us waiting for an hour.
: When I got home, Mrs. O'Lanus . warned
to know if I'd been to a funeral.' 1 went to
bed early and drearrd all night that I was
truggling desperately with "i gigantic, spi
der, who had carried off the" pretty teacher
and nang ner up by her ' waterfall on the'
topmost limb of a big tree.' ;
Soma people like pic-nics, ethers' like
strawberry and peach, festivals but for ray
part give me liberty or. give ma death.
Yours, perspmngly,? -: Corrt O'Lant;!.
.Tax average E?psbiicaa, majority ia the
elsciioa jn sb:aka Territory is about PQ0.
from the Lancaster Intelligencer
' The Second Book of Chronicles.' .-r
v.v'.-v-.v; ' --.v.-.-
' ACCORDING TO DntlT.
, , . Chaptcr I. -'
1. And it came to pass' in those days that
Abraham being dead and gathered to his
father, Andrew reigned in his stead. -
2. And the war which had prevailed for
many days being -ended, there was. much
tribolatlon, - and the - Blood-suckers, and
Preachers, and Harlots were much afflicted.
3 And raising their voices they said,
"Behold the honey -comb of which we have
eaten is vanished, and the teats we have
sucked have become dried up.
4: "What shall we do that these good
things pais not away from us, and we be
come again as lean goats V
5. And (hey sent their cunning men and
painted women into the city of the King
that they might spy out the weakness of his
court, and lay snarea that be might be taken
in their toils. ' . "
6. And going thither they clad themselves
in mourning, and lamented the death of him
who had reigned.
7. (For they thooght to hoodwink the
King, and to hide from him their deceits.)
8. And they cried out for vengeance up
on all those who dwelt in the land of the
South, and imputed to then the death of the
King who bad been slain.
- 9. Saying, "Let their men and women be
slain. Draw the sword upon the babe and
the suckling let there be none spared from
the edge of the sword Let the land be
laid desolate.
10. -'Let thy word, O, King ! lift our
brother, the nigger, to the high places let
him be even as ourselves.
11. For behold, by these means shall we
bring down the. Copperheads, and our glory
be written upon tables of brass.
12. "And thou, O King ! shall we wor
ship if tbon wilt bow down andjdo our will ;
to thee eh aril Boker sing bosannas and Tha
deus, the Cynic, shall praise thee.
13. "We will give to thee power, and do
minion, thou shaft rale us forever, and thy
glory shall shine like unto the mackerel
when it stinkelh."
14. Bat Andrew, the King, looking upon
them perceived the malice ot their .hearts,
and their lying pretences were made mani
fept to him. ' -
15. He saw, also, that from the ruin of
the Land they sought riches, and that the
chief of Devils had entered into them.
16. And answering them he said, "It-is
written 'Trust not the Yankee when he
smileth, nor the peddler of nutmegs when
he singeth Psalms.'
17. "Go ye therefore to your Factories
and Bagnios, and conventicles, and bring
not hither the notions of the F.ast.
IS. "Put ye off the weeds wherewith ye
are clothed, for I perceive through your
armor of hypocrisy the wickedness of your
hearts.
19. "Ye have made to yourselves friends
of the mammon of iniquity ye have heap
ed up riches in (he day of affliction, '
20. "Ye shall no longer through the tem
pest of blood add to your stores, for behold
the night fleeth and the dawn of cemmen
sense drawetb nigh.
21. "I have sworn that the Covenant of
our Fathers shall be kept whole, and behold
the Yankee and hidden traitor shall not lay
his hand upon the law.
22. "The murders which ye counsel will
I not do, nor shall your deceitful words lead
me to the worship of 'Ooi,' the god. of the
nigger. ' .
23. "The day of baby-talk hath passed
away, and the blather ef cowards hath be
come as the East wind empty. ,
. 24. "Even as the Devil did to the Son of
man, so have ye offered that which is not
jours to give, and like onto him shall ye
fail in your guile.
25. "The songs of Boker are not sweet
ness to my ears, nor do i desire the remem
brance of drunken Leaguers."
26. And the Leaguers, and Contractors,
and Preachers, and Harlots went from the
presence of the King sore abashed.
27.. And 'they ground their teeth in their
rage, their spittle dried in their mouths, and
they swore that they had been "sold" even
as Esau. . ,
28. But the people laughed them to scorn,
and said, "Let us drive this herd of unclean
spirits from our borders." , , . . . , , ,
29. But 'the elders and wise men said,.
"Nay, rather let them be, that they may die
of their own spleen and bitterness, and'
their names become a proverb to the peo
ple
An Effective Spiech. During the Rev
olutionary ".war," Gen.'' Lafayette, . being . at
Baltimore, was invited to a ball. He . was
requested to dance, but instead of joining
in the amusement as might have been ex
pected of a Frenchman of , twenty-two, he
addressed the ladies thus :
"Ladies, yon are Terr handsome ; . you
dance very prettily ; your ball is very fine
but my aoldiers have no shirts !"
This was irresistible. The ball ceased ;
the ladiea went home and went to work ;
and the next day a large number of shirts
were. prepared by the fairest bands of Bal
timore for the 'gallant defenders, of their
country. L ' . 1
A teacher- in a contraband school asked a
young darkey whal aTiertain letter of the
alphabet was. The darkey looked at it ear
besily for a short time, and said: i"I know
dat well enough' by aightt, bar am breised if
Icaa tall it. by came." He was told be
Brntal Snrder ia Mid-day. '
The men intense excitement was created
about one o'clock yesterday by the discovery
of a most brutal murder in mid day, at No.
105 Baltimore street, immediately opposite
the Qazetle office, a gentleman named H. 15.
Grove, proprieteor of a photographic estab
lishment, being the victim. The discovery
of the horrible deed was first made by
a young man named John D. Philips, an
employee of the murdered man, who, upon
discovering the dead body of his employer!
gave information to the authorities and im
mediately gave himself op to await an in
vestigation. Coroner Brewer empanneled
a jury of inquest, before whom Mr. Philips
testified that deceased had gone to his gal
lery at an early hour in the morning to at
tend to business, it being his custom to
take pictures on Sunday, with as under
standing that witness was to relieve him at
1 o'clock ; at that hour witness went to the
gallery, and upon entering a small room,
used for finishing up the pictures when
taken, was horrified at beholding deceased
lying dead upon the floor, weltering in his
blood. Mr. F. D. Spice r, who resided in
the adjoining house, deposed that about
10 o'clock A. M. he distinctly heard a pis
tol shot, but supposed it was a boy in the
adjoining house shooting at rats, and paid
no further aUention to it until he learned of
the murder. It was farther "shown in evi
dence that Mr. Philips at that hour was at
his home on Ensor street, thus removing all
suspicion - which might have attached to
him in the matter. ' Upon an examination
of the body by Drs. Becker and Stephenson,
a bullet wound in the back of the head was
found, from which his brains were oozing
out, which, taken together with the fact
that no pistol was found, would at once
contradict any idea of suicide. A gold
watch, $100 in money, and a diamond pin,
which deceased was known to have had
upon his person, were also missing. The
jury, after deliberation, rendered a verdict
"that deceased came to his 'death from a
pistol shot fired by some one unknown to
the jury." Deceased was about 30 years of
age, a single man, and hailed from Carlisle,
Pa. He resided with an ur.cleMr. John
Filbert, at No. 104 High street, te whose
bouse his remains were taken. Baltimore
Gazette.
The Xegro Restless.
In Jamaica, Hay ti and San Domingo the
negro is in motion. The race everywhere
seems to be moved by a determination to do
something. Perhaps long dormant facul
ties are being aroused by a supernatural
impulse. But with an aimless purpose
and a darkened understanding, the poor
negro acts as men that fight the air. In San
Domingo, tho black man is temporarily at
rest, the Spanish -invaders having been
driven away. In Hayti there is a momen
tary relief from attempted revolution. In
the United States the negro. is gradually
settling into the place assigned to him by a
reconstruction of society, and will plod on
with such assistance as may be vouchsafed
by special sympathizers and a well disposed
government. In Jamaica a revolt is said to
be in progress, of which as yet no satisfac
tory explanation is given, though it will be
remembered we s poke only a few days ago
of wide spread disaffection in that island,
caused by a be!ief on the part of the negro
peasantry that the colonial authorities were
negligent of their interests. As remarked
by the Kingston Standard :
Naturally indolent, and acquainted with
bnt few artificial wants, it was only to be
expected that the emancipated negro should
obey the unchecked instincts of his nature,
and prosecute labor to the extent merely of
satisfying his notions of abundance.
, The poverty of the old planters and the
suffering entailed by the negro's own indo
lence, have led to disaffection, first appa
rent in secret military organizations, but
now violently manifestee. At the request of
the English Consul. .Spanish war steam
ers have left Cuba to aid in restoring order.
These movements in the West Indian arch
ipelago are all probably in some tense sym
pathetic. Journal of Commerce.
Ciiaritt. Letmy lips be sealed with char
ity, that they may open only for the good'of
my neighbors. Let my eyes be veiled with
charity, that they may rest on good, and that
wickedness may be 'shut' from my Bight.'
Let charity close my ears to all unkind and
malicious slander. Let . charity keep my
hands busy with -pYofitable work, and my
feel turned in the path toward those whom
God hath given me power to benefit. May
charity keep my heart from secret sin, from
evil imaginations, from, the tempting whis
pers of the evil one.. So that shutting every
door against uncharitableness, my oul may
be made strong in love to the Father of. all
men. ; -
- At a recent meeting ef a parish, n solemn,
straight-bodied and tnost exemplary. deacon
submitted a report, in writing, of the desti
tute widows and ethers standing in need of
assistance in the parish.. r -'
''Are yon sure, deacon," asked another
solemn brother, "that yon have embraced all
the widows?" He said be believed he had
done so ; but if any bad been omitted the
omission could be easily correctod." - .
1 m B m ' ' ' - - -
The" party of 250 American 'gentlemen,
now examining the Pennsjlvania eil re
gions, it is said, represent a capital of $150,-
ooo.ooo. " ; ' :;...' . .'
The. people of fix two cities of " Pittsburg
and Allegheny are agitating 'a proposition to
'consolidate.
' Autumn Leaves.
Nature decked in gayest beauty,
For 'tis summer's last good-bye
Why should all things fair in nature
Don their liveliest tints to die ?
Why npon the loftiest branches
Should the leaves be blushing so
To impress us with their beauty,
And to conquer ere they go 1.
Some have chosen scarlet dresses, .
Some are decked in green and gold,
Others wear their summer-garments,
Though the winds are growing cold.
All are happy, all are joyous ;
'Tin perhaps their gala day,
And they meet with blushing beauty
Ere they hasten far away.
Ah! but listen, is that music ?
Are their greetings gay or ead ?
Do they tremble now for sorrow
Or because they're gay and glad?
'Tis not music that we're hearing,
It'is but the north wind's breath
As he issues forth bis orders,
And their sentence now is death.
Look npon the mossy green sward,
It is not their gala day ;
They are dressed in gold and crimson,
For they're hastening to decay.
And the blush we're so admiring .
Is the forerunner of doom ;
Like the hectic flush of beauty,
Ere it sinks into the tomb
Or the rosy hue of even,
That is glowing ia the West,
Whon night impatient seeks to reign,
And the son sinks to bis rest.
. A Disappointed Bummer.
During the skirmish in front of Fayetl
ville, one of our captains, who was in ad
vance of his men, crept, in a citizen's coat,
up to a fence, in order to get a better look
at the enemy, who were retreating, but fir
ing rapidly.
Suddenly, he was confronted by a ragged
and barefooted fellow, whom he instantly
recognized as one of the bummers. The
recognition, however, was not reciprocal;
and the bummer exulted in the thought that
he had caught a rebel, and saluted him as
follows:
"Hello, you !' surveying his extremities,
"Stop right thar. I say, come up out o'
them boots."
I couldn't think of it," replied the cap
tain, coolly. ''They are a fine pair, and
they are mine."
"You needn't "say another word. Come
np out o' them toots. P'r'aps you've got a
watch about yer breeches pocket ; jest pull
her out. No nonsense, now; I'm in a hurry
to get off arter the rest o' them jonnies."
"Anything else ? Perhaps you would like
a horse?"
"A hoss!" his eye sparkling. "A hess!
Well, now, joa jest cone up out o' them
boots, and we'll discuss that ar hoss ques
tion sudden. Wbar is the hoss ?''
"Oh, he is right here at hand, in chargeof
my orderly."
"Thunder! are yon an officer of our
army? I thought you were a reb."
And then the bummer went to the rear
under arrest, disgusted beyond all measure.
An old tailor fct Greenville, Tenn., who
used to work with Andrew Johnson, says :
'There was a vast difference between An
dy and I when we worked on the ame
bench. I could spell b-a-k-e-r and he could
not; but he could "flax" me on a pair of
breeches or a fine coat, and coold get a bet
ter price for his work than I. He never
made a garment that didn't fit, and never
had job returned. He was the best tailor I
ever met. When Andy got married he
dadn't ten dollars in the world, and his wife
was as poor as Naomi's daughters. Her
mother said to her before she waa married
(calling her by name), "I can give yon all
the money there is in the house fifteen
dollars to help yon abent going to house
keeping ; or 1 will take the money and give
you a "wedding" which will you prefer ?'
"Mother," said Bhe, "I will taRe the wed
ding, and Andy and I'll work for money
won't we ?" appealing to her love. He as
sented, and the consequence was that the
yocng couple had not one cent with which
to "set up" for themselves. After they
were married rhe taught him to read, and
the world knows the rest."
Marriagr Notices. A ' Western paper
gives the following notice : "
All notices of marriage, if no bride-cake
is sent, will be set up in small type and
poked in some outlandish corner of the pa
per. Where a handsome piece of cake is
sent, it will be put conspiccously in large
letters ; when gloves or other bride favors
are added, a piece of illustrative poetry
will be given in addition. When, however,
the editor attends the ceremony in propria
persona, and kisses the bride it will have
especial notice very large type, and the
most appropriate poetry that can be begged,
borrowed, stolen or coined from the brain
editorial.
To Kxep Worms Out or Dbied Fbdit.
It is said that a small quantity of sassafras
bark mixed with dried fruit will keep it
free from worms for years. The remedy is
easily obtained in many localities, and is
well worthy an 'experiment, as it will not
injure the fruit in any manner, if it does not
prevent the nuisance.
, The tomb of Daniel Webster has lately
been opened, and the remains found. in per
feet ?resrva io n. it . ....
. matrimonial Ventures.
The curious ventures that are occasionally
made on the great ocean of matrimooy nev
er fail to become apparent when the official
marriages are classified. For Instance, the
English returns of 1863 are now published,
and we find in (hem the following state
ments: Twenty marriages of divorced persons oc
curred during the year half of the whole
number being in London.
More than three-fourths of thoe married,
both men and women, were under thirty
years of age proving that the mass of mar
riages were contracted at a suitable period
of life.
Bat, on the other hand, thirty young la
dies were married before they were six
teen, and two hundred and twenty-eight
about the age of sixteen showing a lack
of good sense either in the young ladies
themselves, or in their natural protectors.
Worse and worse, six aspiring youths oT
i.ixten must need take to themselves wives,
fortunately all rather older themselves.
Boys, it has often been noticed, are apt to
fall in love with their seniors, and some
times they live long enough lobe a little
amused with themselves for so doing.
Two ladies of about thirty-five married
men above eighty ; and one girl of sixteen
married a man ef seventy a regular April
and December affair.
One hundred and fifty-six men and forty
two women married after passing the scrip
tural ' threescore years and ten." Probably
they were lonely, and wanted companion
ship even if the could not reasonably ex
pect love. Eight of these aged gentlemen
had been bachelor, and three of the ladies
spinsters exemplifying the old maxim,
"Better late than never."
I.v a Foo. A few years ago there lived
in the town of a son of Judge B.,
whom we will call Joe,, who frequently im
bibed more than he could comfortably car
ry. There also resided in the neighborhood
a painter named W., who kept a saloon.
Now W. was a practical joker On one oc
casion 'Joe came into W.'s saloon, rather
early in the morning and got very much in
toxicated, and finally fell asleep in bis
chair. . Joe was very nearsighted and al
ways wore specs. After he ad slept for
some time, W. took off hie specs, blacken
ed the glasses, put them back again, light
ened the lamp, and then woke Joe, telling
him that it was about twelve o'clock at
nighty and he wanted to shut up. Joe start
ed and remarked that he bad slept some
trait.
W. then said
"Joe, it being very dark, and if yon will
bring it back again, I will lead you a lan
tern." :
W. lighted the lantern and gave it to Joe,
and helped him up stairs. Joe went off to
ward home, (op the main business street,)
in the mid&le of the day, with his lantern,
everybody looking al him wondering what
was the matter.
A loquacious gentleman, finding himself
a passenger in a 6tage coach with a prim
and taciturn maiden lady of some forty win
ters, endeavored in vain to engage'in con
versation. At length night came on; as
nothing was said, both fell aV.eep. The
stage finally stopped, and the driver an
nounced to the lady that she had arrived at
her place of destination. Her fellow pass
enger being awakened at the same time,
thought he would exchange a word at leav
ing, and addressed her: '"Madam, as we
shall never again, probably, sleep together,
I bid yon a very respectful farewell." A
scream, and silence reigned again.
A Tennessee pardon seeker gives the fol
lowing description of how he' obtained his
pardon : Had a personal interview with the
Chief Magistrate, and asked him for a small
pardon, if he had any more left. Chief
Magistrate wanted to know what position I
held in the rebel army. The answer was
faint, somewhat hesitating, somewhat sha
ky. I said: "Quartermaster." Chief Mag
istrate chuckled, and turned his head to
conceal a sardonic smile. "My ancient and
venerable friend, "he saiJ,'cif you think that
your.'deparlment ef the rebellion endangered
the Union cause, your innocence is a pardon
in itself."
Mr. Caroline Warden, of Bedford, Mas
sachusetts, after a ride in a horse car, Satur
day, found that there was a diamond ring in
her pocket. She remembers a flashy chap
silting at her side ,and as her pocket
book, with a fow notes in it, was gone, it is
supposed the ring accidentally slipped from
his finger when abstracting it. The ring is
slated to be worth 250. , ,
A wide-awake minister, who found his
congregaiion going to sleep one morning
before he bad .fairly, commenced, after
preaching a few minutes, suddenly stopped
and exclaimed : ' Brethren, this isn't fair ;
it in't giving a man a half a chance. Wait
till I get along a piece, and then if I ain't
worth listen'm? to, go to sleep ; but don't
do it before 1 get commenced; give a man
a chance."
: That's a Good 'Un. Some one wae tell
ing Sam about the longevity of the mud tur
tle. "Yes,' tzid Sam, "I know all about
that, for once 1 found a venerable old .fel
low in a meadow whs -was so old that he
could scarcely wiggle his tail, and on his
back waa carved (tolerably plain, consider
all things) these words: "Paradise, year 1,
1 Vitiated Atmosphere; -
Reading our . foreign newspapers, one
might almeBt think every living thing in
western Europe was in danger of being
swept away by disease. Animals. both wild
and domestic, die suddenly, as though af
fected by poison,. and the same is true of
birds, while the atmosphere in some places
swarms with noisome insects. We clip a
few items, as follows :
"The northern departments of France are
at this moment suffering from a pest which
to them is about as dieastrous as an in vast
ion of locusts in southern latitudes.' ' Vast
and innumerable swarms of lepidopterous
iosects,belonging to the laVnily of Noctaidaj,
will settle down on a field of beet, and not
leave it as long as there is still a fibre of the
root left. Fire, acids, and every other pow
erful agent, have been tried against them in
vain; notwithstanding toil and care, the in
sect multiplies to an alarming degree, so as
to threaten the total destruction of beet, en
dive, ar.d cabbages, fortunately ' the only
regatbles it chooses to attack."
- A Scotch paper has received the follow
ing from a correspondent. '
"On the morning of Saturday last the air
in and around Hawick for many miles was
filled with a small Ry, little larger than our
oommoo meadow midge. So dense was
the cloud of insects that passengers cooM
only prevent their mouths and eyes from
being filled by keeping up a constant pro
cess of fanning. Oa Sunday the noisanca
temained unabated ,nd church-goers migt t
be seen in the lobbies before entering their
pews brushing the iusects from their gar
ments as they would snow-flakes on a win
ter's day. When seen through a common
microscope, the animal presents a very
strange appearance, resembling a small bird
denuded of its feathers. Its body is dark
blun, with light-colored wings; two small
horns portrude from its head, and it posess
es an instrument something Ike an ele
phant's trunk, which it keeps in constant
motion. Some people have suffered severe
ly from its bite, but they are the exception, f
as tne most ot skins seem to receive no
harm from its visitations."
Another newspaper says the chickens of
Belgium are phguid; perhaps in sympathy
with the cattle. .. ..
' In England, sheep are beginning to die ia
large numbers, appearamly infected with,
the prevalant distemper. Near the towa
Maltby forty of these animals have dieu
within a few days, out of a flock or seventy
' The disease," says the Sheffield Telegraph,
"is attributed to atmospheric causes, the
peculiarity of the pasturage, the insects
and other similar causej."
Of another flock in Mildenham, number
ing 109, all died except 60, whereupon sub
scriptions wete made at a public meeting
for the purchase of the survivers.. The
whole were then destroyed the outer gar
ments of the laborers employed, and the
tools used in burying the carcasses being
afterwards burnt up. In Paris, the dread of
the cattle disease is such, according to a
correspondent of the Londoc Timet, that all
dogs running at large are lo be killed, lest'
they become agents for the transmission of
the contagion. A common impression is
that these various forms of disease among
the lower animals, also the abundance of in
sects, are a precursor of cholera, and origi
nate in a vitiated atmosphere.
1 Sew Way or Doing It.
Sharpers are prolific in inventions, soma
of which it must be confessed, are very
neat. Here, for instance, is the latest!
A day or two ago a neatly attired gentle
man entered a drug 6tore on Fifth 6t., and
deposited on the couuter a couple of bun
dles, one of which bore the appearance of
containing dry goods, and the other very
palpably a silk hat, and proceeded to select
some articles, gnided by a penciled list
which he took from his pocket. The bill
completed, a very pretty toilet case attract
ed bis attention, and after admiring it for a
moment, and asking the price, he remarked
it would, make a very neat present to bis
sister, and politely requested permission to
show it to bis mother, whom he statedwas
was in the carriage a few numbers above.
Of course the obliging cierk consented,
and the young gent, leaving his recent
purchase unpaid for on the counter, together
with his other parcels, 6tept out at the
door.
A reasonable length of time elapsed bnt ha
did not return, when suspicion being'
aroused, the bundies were examined. One
of them contained an old pair of tinmen-'
tionables, the body stuffed with shavings,
and the legs wrapped over in artistic style,
es as to make, -xben enveloped ia brown
paper, quite a formidable appearance, pres
ent prices considered.
It is neeedlees to say that the hat package ,
was no better, and like the other, was.
worth at a liberal estimate, about, three'
cents a pound less than nothing. The pro
prietor jotted down an ei try of S20 that
night in a book marked "profit and loss.';
It was on the Dr. side ol the page. Cin
Times. .
Some stupid editor says, "if a fee ef fifty
cents were charged to see the sun rie,
nine-tenths of the world would be op in the
morning." '
A correspondent entered an office, and
accused the compositor of not having punc
tuated bis communication-,' when the typo.
replied, "I'm not a pointer, I'm a setter. ,r
General McClellan is soon expected r.
England, where ho will make a short Hay,
-- ' ' -- - - " ' 3 '
Hi