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VOLUME 16.
BLOOMS RURG. COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 1865.
NUMBER 32.
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A GEilD OLD FOES.
Who shall jidje a man from manners?
Who shall know him byjhis dress ?
Paupers may be fit'for princes,
Princes fit for something less.
Crompled shirt and dirty jacket ,
Hay beclothe the golden re
Of ibedeerest ihocghts and feelings
Satlo vests could do no more.
There are springs pf'crystal nectar
Ever welling eat of stone,
. There ara parple buds and golden,
Hidden, crushed and overgrown ;
God who coants by "soots, r.ot dresses,
Loves and prospers you and me,
While Le values thrones, the highest,
- But as pebbles in the sea.
Mao, oprsised above his fellows,
Ofi forgets his fellows then,
Masters, rulers, lords remember
That yonr meanest kind are m?n,
Men by labor, men by feeling,
Mao by thought, and men by f m,
Claiming equal rights to sonshiuu,
lu a'man's ennobling name.
There are foam-embroidered oceans,
There are little well-clad rills,
There are feeble inch high tappi ngs,
There ara cedars on the bills ;
God, who coonis by souls, not stations,
Loves and prosper yoa and mis ;
Forlo him all vain distinctions
Are as pebbles in the sea.
Toiling bands alone are builders
Of nation's wehh or fame ;
Titled laziness is pensioned,
Fed and fattened on (he same ;
, Df the sweat nf other's foreheads,
Living only to rejoice,
"While the poor man's outraged freedom
Vainly lilted up its voice.
Truth atd jnstice an etsnal,
Horn with loveliness and light,
Secret wrongs shall never prosper,
" ' Wh'le there is a sonny ftht ;
CoJ, whose world heard voice is singiog-
Bonnd'es love to yoa and me,
Sinks oppression with its titles,
As the pebbles of the sea.
Ma. WfB'Tts d nts Bills. Our red
't)rs are aware that the late Hon. Daniel
Webster was not as careful in his pecuniary
cna'tefa &some men, and this fault was, at
times, taken advantage of. At ono lime a
poor man aed a pile of wood for bim,
tjd, having presented hia bill, it was
promptly paid by Mr. Webster. The la
borer took sick during the winter, and a
neighbor advised him to call upon Mr.
Webster for the payment of bis bill. "
'Bat he has paid me," said the man.
'No matter," replied his dishonest ad
tiser, "call again with it. He don't knosr,
and don't mind what he pays. It is a very
common thing for him to pay such small
bills over twice "
The man got well, and carried in his ac
count the second time . Mr. Webster looked
at it, looked at the man, remembered him ;
bot paid the bill without demurring.
The fellow got "hort:' some three or
four months af erw'ards, and bethought bim
trf the generosity of Mr. Webster io his
money matters ; and a third time ho called
and presented the bill for sawing tbe wood.
Mr. Webster took the account which be
Immediately recognized, and, scanning the
woodsawyer a Vnom'ent, be said
"How do yon keep yoor books, sir?'
M keep no book," said the man, abash
ed. "I think yoa do. sir," continued Mr. Web
ter, with marked emphasis ; '"aiid yoa
excel" those who are satisfied with the
doable-entry system. Yoa keep your books
upon a triple entry plan, I observe.'
Tearing op the account Mr. Webiler ad
ied "Go, air and be honest hereafter. I have
no objections to paying these little bills
twice, bnt 1 cannot pay them three times.
Yo-a may retire."
Tb man left the rcorn, feeling at though
ha was suffocating for want of air. He had
learned a lesson that lasted through life.
At a criminal court, the reonsel dissatis
fied wha bis Want of success with an Irish
witness complaioed to the conn. Paddy
replied,
';Sure, an' I'm no lawyer, yer honor, an'
the spalpane only wants to pazzle me."
'Come, row, do yoa swear you are no
lawyer raid tbe counsel.
"Faix, an I do ; and yez may sweiir tbe
MB8 about yerielf, too, without far of
perjury
n
2m, why don't yoa tali to massn and
tell bim to lay'np treasures io benven ? i powerful influences in the North, secession
IVhatfcrf Whit's da use of laying ap ) would ever have been attempted? How
Ireusres dsre, where, he never ieo 'era ever this may be, He fid of each influences
iStn, eh, nijjer? ' " . 1 constitated one element io the -S eathgit.
From the Bradford Argut
Reconstruction.
At this moment when the rebellion is
rapidly waning, and the ques'ion of the
policy to to pursued in the restoration of
the seceded states to their lormer status in
the Union is absorbing the public mind, , extend the same measures of severity to
and while a vast majority of the men com- ' leading and influential adrocates of eces
posing the party in power are clamoring f ion wherever found, whether in the North
under the pla of justice, for a vindictive and or the South espscially to those whose ad
bloody policy toward the leading seces
sionists, there is ore consideration that we
' are bound by tbe most sacred obligation to
j keep jn rie. anj ye, one that as
yet we
have scarcely seen noticed. In all contro
versies there are two sides ; and Justice
considers botk. with a strict and equal im
partiality. When the victor in such a
struggle, as this through which we have
just passed, assumes to administer justice
opon bis defeated antagonist, he needs to
be very sure of his capacity to consider
well and fairly, not merely the offence, but
the provocation and circumstances which
led to it. Of course we shall be to'd that
it is "disloyal" to assume that th.re was
any provocation that led to secession. This
is an old dodge. Oar reply is that it is never
disloyal to bi jut. Q't course no man, at
least, no northern man claims that titer
was such provocation a justified secession,
but all sane men of all parties ought to
know to that impartial hUlory will find
much to miigate and palliate the enormiy
of tne great wrong to the country that was
attempted by the people of the o called
j eceded stares. In dealing with thi qoes
I tion we are bound to consider. 1 The ot
fence; 2. The provocation and circum
stance that led to its perpetration.
I 1 The offense (by whatsoever name we
may choose t j characterize it) was nothing
more nor les than an attempted division of
Ihe Union ink) two separate ad indepen
dent governments. Iniere-ted parties may
attempt io gloss it over npon the one hand,
or distort it upon the other, bu it come to
this at lat ; aid in this light ijutce bound
to view it.
All Northeri tren, except certain of the
radical leaden in the North agree that for
sucb an attempt there is no warrant in
the constitution, and that it was ; lie re 'ore a
very great pol lical offence. The Southern
people sought to accomplish this offence
peacefully, bur. with a consciousness that
war and alt its attendant horrors might en
sue. Such was their offence.
2. We come now lothe question why the
people of tbe South desired and attempted
this division of the Union. .
A lew plain historical facts will answer
hi question.
1st. A feeling of strong and bitter sec
tional hostility had been growing up be
tween the two sections of the Union ever
since the anti-slavery agitation at the North
first drew this question ino the Federal pol
itics. The direct issue thus raised between
the two peoples was whether, under our
systenrof government, thi? was legitimately
of state, or of national politics. The South
claimed that it was purely a qnestinn of
local, or state politics; and in tin they
were unquestionably right. But t'.e agita
tion still continued at the National capital,
and throughout the North, where the ltisti
tution that formed its subject had.no exis
tence. Now, vk bat Northern man can feel
sure that the aggressive altitude of the
North, with reference to this subject would
not have been exceedingly offensive to
himself had his lot been cast in the South?
That it was so to life Saothern people is a
tact that should r.ot now be forgotten of
Tensive not only to those who had a special
interest in the institution assailed, bot es
pecially so to those who, having ro such
interest, recognized in this Northern a;ti
tude a denial of their right to control their
own domestic institutions. No reasonable
roan will hesitate io reflect as to wLat would
be his own feelings orider just ;hese cir
cumstances. . The Fathers of the Republic
did 60 reflect, and pointed oat with strong
emphasis the conseqnence that wocld ;nev.
itably follow a wsntnn disregard of them.
2nd. Wt.en the leading secesionists were
preparing to take their fatal leap they knew
that the leading organ of the' party then in
power, the New York 7ri6tn,"seconded
by some less influential papers in the
North, waa then advocating with earneBt
zeal and dangerons sophistry the rizht of
secession. They knew that the then re
cently elected President had himself jears
before, upon the floor of Congress, given
emphatic expression to a substantially sim
lar doctrine. Tiey knew mat Senators
Hale, Seward and Chase leading and con
trolling spirits in the same party had pre
sented and seconded a pe'ition to Congress
praying for a dissolution of the Union.-
They knew that the leading Northern agi
tators, of the Wendell romps, l lieodore
Parker, Gerritt Smith, Horace Greeley and
H. W. Beecher school were strongly in
favor of a peaceful divisino of the Union
between the two sections. They knew
that the party of which these organs and
these men were the leaders was then about
to come into the control of the government.
Knowing all this, and thus justiSed io ad
vance by leading and controlling opinions
of that party, who can say that for four
years, at least, they had no reason to hope
and expect peaceful acquiescence on the
part of the North in their scheme of seces
sion ? Who has a right to say in view of
these historical facts, that, bat for these
calculation of tbe chances of success.
i Now, when we are crying out in the!
name ot "justice-' for a policy of severity
awards the secession leaders of the South,
are we not also bound to look udoo facts
from this stand point, as well as from the
radical one ? and are we not also bonnd to
'vocacy and support of that most mischiev
ous hereby occurred at a time best calcula
ted to prove fruitful of dangerous results,
and at tbe same time, lacked the excuse of
provocation that proved so potent in the
Samh?
Greeley, Beecher and Gerritt Smith have
recently declared themselves in favor of a
conciliatory policy with reference to the
secession leaders of the South ; basing their
appeals upon grounds of expediency, but
adroitly waiving any allusion to their own
instrumentality in the bad work that has
left such terrible marks upon the face of
the nation. We can well understand the
motive of these appeals to the new Presi
dent, and that there are other reasons than
those of mere expediency which have con
tributed to the sudden conversion of their
authors. But we are not diaposed to jndge
that motive harshly, however harshly and
unfairly they have invariably judged the
motives of oil who have dared to differ
with them. It may not be entirely safe to
put loo fi'ie en edge upon the public sene
ot jostice in times like these, lest when one
class of victims shall have perished, another
may be demanded ; and Preeident Johnson
is himself keenly conscious of the existence
of the two classes of 'offenders equally de
serving of punishment. Hi speech in the
United States Senate in Feb. 1861, fasten
ing upon the secessionists of the Massachus
etts school and tho-e of the South Carolina
breed equal guilt, together with his recent
declarations referring to his, pat record a
ihe only indication h is prepared to give
3f his luture policy in reference to this sob-jr-ct,
will not fail, now that he is in a posi
tion to exercise a powerful, and perhaps a
controlling influence opon this question, to
miug'e sentiments of mercy with the rigid
sene of Jutice entertained by the most
clamorous of the radicals. There is no
despotism so malignant, so uncertain, and in and which the Indians, being a large
so lull of peri! even to those who may hap- P'rT ,ool ro trouble to conceal, not dream
pen to control it for the hour as the despo- ""g f porsuit, we prest forward. Winters
lism of popular pasMon. The writer hereof! examined the trail, and from its fresh ap-
or.ly asks that this despotism may yield to
reason, and be compelled to recognize the
supremacy of law that whatever of pun
ishment there may yet be in store for seces
sionists in the Sooth or in the North may
be administered in pnrsuance, and with all
the sanctions of law, without unfair dis- j
crimination against those of one section, or!
in favor of those of another, and with a !
full recognition of all the circumstances ei-!
ther -of rniiigalion, palliation, or aggrava
tion. The facts already adrtrted to clearly show
that there was far less excuse for the advo
cacy of secession in the North than in the
South, and for this pnrpoe only are th?y
now mentioned. Why, iben, should not
these Northern oworirf.jm advocates and pro
moters of secession, in their appeals to
President, Johnson, honestly, and frankly
admit, that they, too, have sinned, and ask
for their own sakes, as well as for reasons of
public expediency, for that rrercy to their
Southern co-workers which they desire for
themselves ?
01 course this view of the case is an ex
ceedingly ofl-snsive one to the Northern rad
icals all the more offensive because in
their secret hearts they know it is true. Of eemed wraped in slumber, except two
course it will call forth the usual dose of entinels sitting quietly at opposite sides of
stale and dishonest twaddle about "disloy- ' the camP- Anon ,hy woold become drow
ally" and sympathy with "secession, nd springing to their feet, would walk
though the whole spirit of the communica- ; ,heir beal' ""'i ,he lethargy was shaken off.
lion is hos'ile to any'such forced construe- ! Not ,he "lightest found broke the deathlike
tion. But the wri'er trusts that his -'loyal" j atillnese until, by some noguarded move
friends will do him the jasiice to remember ! men!. I caoed a rastling of the dry leaves
that ihe "disloyalty" herein exhibited i with which the ground was strewn
precisely of the same sort as that of Presi- i Qn'ck as a flash the sentinel nearest us
dent Johnson, who is happy in the enjoy straightened himself up started fowsrdi onr
nient of iheir most cordial approbation, not-! place of concealment. Hurriedly cauiion
withstanding his we'l known sentiments ir. ; ng me to remain perfectly quiet, Winters
reference to the guilt and responsibility of j moved stealthily to a large tree almost di-
the "Massachusetts" breed of secessionists.
A lady was once declaring that she could '
not understand how gentlemen could smoke, j
It cer ainly shortens their lives," said she, '
' I didn't know that." exclaimed a gentle-j
man; "there's my father who smokes every 1
blesstrd day, and he is now seventy years
old "
"Well," was the reply, "if he had never
smoked he might have been eigKty."
An Irishman seeing an undertaker carry
ing a very small coffin, exclaimed io the
otmosi surprise
By the Saint O'Dints O'Slingo ! is it
possible that that coffin can be intended for
any living crather ?"
An unmannerly wag being asked by the
landlady of his boarding house why, being
so tall a roan, he ate so little, replied :
"Madam, a little goes a great waywitb
me I"
Wht a doo Waggles his Tail. Lord
Dundreary tells his friend the solution of
this difficult riddle: "because the dog is
stronger jthac the tail. If he wasn't the
tail would waggle tbe dog."
"Umo is not always strength," as tbe
sailor said when bs saw tbe parser nixing
yv sj w tm,m A i . x-. ii. msi '" ' ' "'
KelriLution.
-
"Hello ! stranger, whar ye boon J ?"
The speaker was a tall, gaunt-looking
man, and it was easy to tell by his garb, ac-
' eontrementa, and peculiar ttyle, that he was
hnnter and trapper.
"Nowhere in particular, and nearly every
where in general, perhaps," I replied.
'And now, if I may be so bold, what is your
present destination?"
"Summat the same as yonr; so I reckon
we had better hitch teams. Bat the folks
don't often Vrel in these parts 'less they
have some raon for it or are goin' sum
where?'' he. said, inquisitively.
"Well, my friend "
''You're a leetle too fast can't adzactly
say whether I'm yer friend or not 'till I hear
yer yarn propel."
"Well, as I was about to remark, I left
the States in company with a party of my
friends and neighbors for California, the
newly-discovered Sand of gold. All went
well, and the fates seemed propitious, until
three days ago, when we were attacked by
a prowling band of Indians. Five of our
party werekilied, and one a lovely young
girl" carried off a captive."
'So you're after the g;rl, I take ?"'
,lYou surmise correctly. I will reco
Eliza Lacy, or give my own life, a witling
sacrifice, to the accomplishment of my pur
pose "
Bully for you ! Von're'plucky,' and yer
heart's in the right place, adzactly , and Jack
Winters will stand by ye to death. Btt
how happens if that none of yer crowd cum
'Ion? with v ? whre are the cal'a friends?.' 1
"Her father and mother were among the j
kiild. I appealed in vain to the rest of the ,
party to accompany me. They seem to
have lost all energy since that dreadful
nigh! on which we were attacked." !
Well, they're a pack o' Continental ;
cusses not Con'inental coses, either, adz- '
actly, for them Contineniallers ws bully
chaps , but ihe j 're a set o' cowardly, craven
hearted, tnenkin' cnises that's what they
are !" exclaimed my newly-found friend j
Winters insisted on accompanying me, '
and I was truly grateful to him for his kit.d- '
ne&sn thtis affording the benefit of bis skill ,
and-, xperience to an entire stranger. So, 1
resnming the trail which I had befn follow- ,
' pearanee, concluded that the Indians could
not te far off; and that by brisk riding we
might overtake them, and perhaps make an
effort to rescue the object of onr expedition
that very night.
It was now pat noon, and we rode rapid
ly forward until near sundown, after which
we advanced with more caution. Some
three hours after night-fall we discerned the
camp fire of the Indians.
Dismoun ting,
and secoring onr horses in the forest, we
advanced caotionsly, near enough to obtain
a perfct view of the camp. The Indians,
some thirty in number, were gathered
around the fire, some reclining listlessly on
the ground some cooking, some eating,
and some smoking; whfle at the foot of a
small oak, her head bowed in ntter hope
lessness, sat the object of our search. Oh !
how I longed to speak to her, to whisper
even one word of hope into her
ear to ouoy up her drooping spirit; i
and, but for the better judgment of
Winters, I should have doubtless, by some I
friAticK A a m rtnsrtrof inn rSefra wa-4 onr n- K a r a o I
boots to the Iindiar.s.
Scarcely two hours elapsed before every
thing in the camp had become silent. All
rectly between me and the approaetitng
eant'ira! fo ntitnalvr ann WilK a r ti 1 1 L" I
rbiniii(i vauiivucii uim w 1 1 j v. i t m w
tread the Indian advanced. He gains the
tree; he preera forward into the darkness;
he passes but no; with a dnll thug winter's j
knife i buried in his heart, while his left j
hand is simultaneously clapped over his
mouth A slight groan escaped him, am:
he is dead. Returning to my side, Winters
v hispered.
"No trouMe 'bont disposin o' that var
mint; but ye had better keep yer wits 'bout
yer, and not make any more noise, for Ihe
next not might'ot be adzuctly so easy to get
rid on. .
' I will be more cautious hereafter.
Bot by what means do yoa propose effect
ing ihe rescue ?:'
'Well, we mooeht silence that other cuss
and steal the gall away; but, fur my part, I
don't want to leave a single devil o' 'em
alive."
"Bot how can this be accomplished."
"Easy 'noff. Yoa stop at that big tree.
I'll leave my rifle with you, and keep my
revolvers and knife myself. I'M slip 'round
easy like, and try and give the other coss
hit last sickness. Efl can do-that 'thont
raising rumpns, there'll be no more troqbie
'boot the rest. Yoa keep still till they get
roused op, then commence holletin' and
yellin' like mad, and ahootin. Ar' ye &
good shot?"
I assured him that I was. '
"Then it's all s wjLs-,J
AfteMhe (apse of a few minutes I saw the
remaining sentinel start quickly, as if he
had heard some unusoal noise. He then
advanced cautiously towards the place
where I supposed Winters to be concealed,
hinking that he, of course, had alarmed the
sentinel. Suddenly the Indian was seized
and borne quickly to the earth, and I saw
no more. My suspense was of short dura
tion, however, for, in less time than it takes
to record it, I saw Wioters advancing to
wards the sleeping Indians around the smoul
dering fire. He approached, and silently
buried his knife in tbe heart of she first In
dian. Not a man stirred, and with renewed
confidence Winters pressed forward. I saw
him raise bis knila and plunge it into the
breast of the sleeping Indian next in his
course, but this time his aim was not to
troe. The savage sprang to his feet, uttered
a yell, and fell back dead. In an instant
every one ol the savages were on their'feet.
Winters commenced firing his revolver,
and every .shot "brought its man." "I, too,
rnshed in , yelling wildly and firing rapidly.
The Indians were completely panic-stricken.
The number and rapidity of onr shots,
ai:d the body ol their slaio companions,
seemed to convey to them the impression
that they were attacked by a large pary.
Trey fled precipitately, leaving ns masters
of the field. In the melee we had slain
thirteen of the Indians. Pretty good work
we thought for two men.
To some this may seem improbable. Let
each remember that we had, in all, twenty
two shots without reloading, each being
possessed of two good revolvers, aside from
our rifles.
Of course the prisoner was rescued, of
conrp she war grateful. I gave up my pro-j-ct
of going to California, and returned with
her to Virginia, where she bad many
friends.
I don't know what more 13 say, bot if
yon will call in any eveningreader, I will
introduce you to Eliza Lacy, now my wife,
and leave it to your judgment whether my
reward i not greater than I deserve.
I have never heard from Jack Winters
since we parted opon the praries.
Counterfeits. As I was lounging the
other day over the counter in the village
store, a stranger came in, and buying an
article, threw down a bank note in exchange
Tbe merchant held it up to the light, and
examining it carefully, "pronounced it to be
a ccunterleit. .
As I noticed its close resemblance to the
genuine I could notbu! think that the world
was full of counterfeits of every descrip
tion. Counterfeit men and counterfeit
money ; counterfeit lore and coun'erfeit
ladies ; counterfeit homes and counterfeit
hearts.
When my friend grows eloquent in praise
of my last lecture, and the next day solicits
the loan of some money, I think though it
humbles my vanity his praises are all
counterfeit.
When I see a "perfumed exquisite,"
with a little beauty arid less brains whose
soul never soars higher than a horse's
head, and whose language forcibly reminds
me of his particular acquaintance with
God wearing the apparel and appearance
at a man, I cannot but tbiuk what a coun
terfeit !
When I see a self-styled "yonng lady,"
whose life-business has been to torture her
parents and the piano, decked out in all the
borrowed finery of silkworms and animals,
and looking, for all the world, I ke a real
woman, 1 inwardly exclaim what a nice
counterfeit !
When I see a book in a cover of red and
gold, bearing on its back the stamp of the
true metal, while within it is full of soft
nothings, or vile thoughts and viler lan
guage, I think sometimes aloud what a
base counterfeit !
When I go to church and see a man drop
a banknote into a missionary box, and then
look up !o catch the approving glance of
his rich neighbor, I wonder if the banknote
is like himself a counterfeit.
When I go to church and hear the patron
preach for a salary, promising his patrons a
sura passage to paradise, if they'll only fur
nish him enough "good things" for the
journey, I wonder whether he's a fool or a
counterfeit.
There's a time co.Tiing when the souls of
men will be examined at the tribunal of
Heaven ; and then, when the great Detect
or shall hold ihera all np to the piercing
light of Divine Truth, woe be to hiaa whom
He shall pronounce a Couuterteit !
Pedxgogcb 'Gramraer class stand np
and rrciie. Tom, paree girls."
Pcpil. "Girls is a particular noon of the
lovely gender, lively peron, and for double
number, kissing mode, in the immediate
tene, and in the expectation case to matri
mony, according to the general rule."
"1 wonder how they make lucifer match
es, said a young maried lady to her hus
band, with whom she was always quarrel
ing. "The process is rery simple," said the
husband, "I once made one."
"How did you manage it?"
"By leading joa to the altar."
nIs that clock right over there ?" asked a
visitor the other day.
"Right over there?" said a boy; taint no
where else."
Am oIJ bachlor's definition of love. A
Curing A Wife.
Mr. Dimlight, for the past ten years, has
prayed evert day that his wife would tum
ble down-stairs and break her neck, or else
die like a Christian in her bed.
The simple reason for this is, that Mrs.
Dimlight was fond oi complaining, taking
medicines and having protracted interviews
with the doctor, all of which required mon
ey, and money Mr. Dimlight bales to part
with.
In lact,he had much rather part with Mrs.
Dimlight; but that lady manifested no inten
tion of leaving this pleasant world and tak
ing op her abode in an uncertain sphere.
Neither did she say that ahe should live,
leaving her lord in an uncertain state, and
her physician in a perplexed condition.
The doctor said she wanted rousing, and
Mr. Dimlight thought he would do some
thing to start her, ar.d get her out of bed.
He hit upon, a plan which he thought
would operate in a satisfactory manner.
Mrs. Roundwink acted in the capacity ol
of nurse to Mrs. Dimlight. Roundwink is
a widow, very pretty and very coquet
ish. For a handsome present she resolved
to enact the par'.Jthat Dimlight marked out
for her; so one evening, when Mrs Dimlight
was groanivg, and threatening Io die, Dim
light called. her to the window.
"She is going to kick the bucket at last,"
said the. husband, "so yoa and I may as
well fix things so that we can start fair."
Mrs. Dimlight turned her head and atop
ped moaning. Her eyes began to assume
an unnatural brilliancy. The parties in the
room took no notice of her.
Yes, said Mrs. Roundwink, "she is going
at last. Now we can talk over our own af
fairs." Mrs. Dimlight raised her form in Led, and
sat boldly upright. She listened attentively,
and her eyes grew brighter.
"How soo.i shall we be married after she
is dead ? ' asked Dimlight, passing his arms
around the substantial waist of Widow
Roundwink. "I suppose yoa will be will
ing to wait a week or two V simpered Mrs .
Konndwink, lovingly.
Mrs. Dimlight ottered an exclamation
which sounded profane, and giving one
spring, landed on the floor.
"You think I'm going to die, do yoa ?'
she yelled. "I'll 6ee oa hanged first ! I'll
live to spile you yes, I will ! Now out of
this house," turning to Mrs. Roundwick,
"for you don't t:ay here another minute ! 1
can act as my own narsejou good-for noth
ing hur.zy.
And from that da there was rapid im
provement in Mrs. Dimlight' health. She
no longer tolerates nurses, bot one can im
ag'ue what kind of a life poor Dimlight
leads.
Ilia version of the love-making scene is
not believed by the restored Mrs. Dimlight.
A Long Speech. O i one of those mem
orable days when the Kansas-Nebraska bill
was being debateJ, Senator Seward tapped
Douglas on the shoulder, and whispered in
his ear that he had some "Bourbon" in the
Senator's private room, which was twenty
years old. and upon it he desired to get
Douglas's jodsraent. The ' Ltttle Giant"
declined, stating that he meant to speak in
a few minutes, and wished his brain nn
clouded by the fames of liquor. A: the
conclusion of his speech Douglas sank
down exhausted in his chair, hardly con
scious of the congratn'ations of those who
flocked around him. At this juncture Sew
ard seized the orator's arm and bore him
off to the Senatorial sanctatn.
"Here's the Bourbon, Douglas," eaiJ Sew
ard ; "try seme it's sixty years old."'
;Seward," remarked Donglas, "I have
made to-day the longest speech ever deliv
ered ; history has r.o parallel for it."
"How is that?"' rejoined Seward, ' yoa
spoke aboot two honrs only !"
Douglas, smiling, replied,
"Don't you rerollect that a moment be
fore I obtained the floor you invited me to
partake of some Bourbon twenty years old,
and now, immediately after closing my re
marks, jeu extend to me some of the same
liquor, with the assertion (hat it is sixty
years old ! a forty years' speech was never
delivered before."
Seward acknowledged the "corn." and
the two enemies (politically; "smiled."
J knew a gal so modest, Sam, dat 6he
ordered her beau out ob de house."
"What for, Pompej?"
"Bekase, in a conversation on de subjec'
ob do wedder. he said de wind bad 'shift
ed' In ancient days the precept was "know
thysell." In modern times it has been sup
planted by thrt far more fashionable maxim,
"know thy neighbor and everything about
bim.
I wnd knotdi in sammur
& leve the garden sass,
The roasted lam & bnttirmilk
The kool plaise in the grass:
I would not di in sommur
When every thing is hot.
An leve the whiskey Jew lips;
Owe know ! ide rather knot.
There is a chap in Boston who is so ten
der hearted that he bursts into tears - when
ever he looks at his cast off pantaloons.
Anything that looks like suffering makes
him "bile over" in a minute.
A divine, once praying,
said, "O
Lord,
give onto as neither poverty nor richesjli
A oTAQE bCENE IN AMERICA A Writer
who has travelled extensively, aaysthat he
witnessed rather a strange scene in Sbaks
peare's beantiful tragedy of Romeo and
Juliet." It xas at one of the Western the
atres. The piece had passed off well with
out interruption until the last scene. The
character of Romeo was excellently enaoted
and loudly applauded. The very model of
the lover was before the tomb of the Cap
ulets, gazing opon the motionless form of
her who had so attracted his tonl,' and
meditating opon committing ah act which
would send his spirit to that undiscovered
country where he supposed Juliet had gone.
Just as be exclaimed, "Here to love !" and
at the same time raising the vial which con
tained the poison to his lips, a stalwart
young countryman jamped opon the stage,
aeized him, dashed tbe vial from his hand,
crushing it into atoms, and yelling, "Yer
stupid fool, she ain't dead! Only been
takin' a little sleepin' medicine. Didn't yer
get the parson's letter ?' "Sirrah !" growled
the tragedian, while the house fairly shook
with laughter "Why, yer girl ain't dead I
tell ye. Toe way it was, they wanted to
make Julie marry that chap thar," pointing
to Paris, "whose business yoa have jost
set-led; but I tell yer Julie war plock she
got her back right up, and vowed she
wouldn't do it, even if she war in the vault.
and the ghost ol the other fellow whom yoa
killed should dash her brains out with the
bones of some ol her dead consins. Wl,
her pluck war up, and she took the stuff the
parson fired ; so she could play possom till
yoo got torn. That's the way it war," ad
ded the countryman, giving the desperate
lover a poke in the ribs wiib his elbow, end
at the same time loosing his bold. "Corse
ihe fellow !" muttered the raging tragedian,
as he stalked behind the scenes. , "Wal,
now," said the countryman facing the ao
dienre, "if ihat ain't a leetle the meanest
cuss I ever did see, I hope io be swowed.
That's all the thanks 1 git for stopping him
from pizening himself. Hope to be tarnly
smashed if ever I go to interfere agaia
when a fellow wants to mnrder himself be
continued, as he clambered back to hi
seat, just in time to prevent his upper etory
from coming in contact with the enrtaia as
it descended.
A Good Hotel Stout. Many good things
have been told of Dr Thompson, the world
renowned humorist, and hospitable propri
etor of the Atlanta Hotel, whose ready wit
bet few are ready to encounter. Ba(a lit
tie incident occurred there a few days ego,
which rather worsteJ the doctor.
A lieutenant-colonel, wbe was wounded
at Murreesboro' had been s'opping with
him, and on ttie Twentieth day called for
his bill. The obliging clerk handed him
the document with twenty days multiplied
by lour dollars. The colonel scanned the bill
ar.d observed its footing np eighty dollars,
lie turned to the doctor, who was present,
and eked him it he did not think that was
pretty heavy. The doctor, with that pecul
iar loss of the head which indicates a small
whirlwind, said
"ATfl: if yoa bad to pay four dollar for a
gobbler; one dollar a dozen for eggs; four
dollars a pound for Rio coffee; a dollar and ,
a quarter for butter; fifteen dollars a barhel
for potatoes, and five dollars a pair for shad,
you'd think it was light."
The colonel ran his eye over the bill
again, and quietly replied.
"Well, I have been here twenty days,
and d d tie article ' yoa have mentioned
that I have seen on your, table."
It is said the doctor rushed oat into tbe
beck-yeard, and did not cool off till he had
whipped three litre niggers.
A Sailor's Description op A Dance
Haven't bad any fan with the land lubbers
till Thrrsday night at the dance. When I
arrived in the cabin found them anderweigh
on a Spanish dance. Tail my station in
line with Sasan Tocker fell back and filed,
then shot ahead two fathoms hauled op
on the starboard tack to let another craft
pass. And then came stern on another sail
spoke her and bore round against the
sun, and fell in with another eail in tuU
chase. Passed twenty sail on same course,
and went half across lo the other shore,
dropt, a nern fall back couldn't fill, so
let go anchor and haul np for repairs.
Next time I was drawn into the current
by a cowiillon, didn't make much headway
shot ahead with Betsy Stark and sailed
over the other coast. Took a tura opposite,
ranged a-breast towards other craft and
back astern again moved round to star
boardpassed near partner's lights and
made sale for berth.
Third time ran me into port to the tans
of ihe Tempest the Yankee tar's t'avoritel
Proceeding along the coast according to tbe
regular order of sailing bore ahead again
round lo then passing adversely yard
arm by yard arm locked astern with the
whole squadron in circular order of sailing
Salley Jones all the time maneuvering
and making signals when coder fall sail
Finally anchored altera heavy squall.
"What boxes govern the world ?" asked
a New York paper. It answers the qaes
tion thus :
"The cartridge box, the ballot box, tbs
jury box, and the band box."
It may seem right to a maa to keep bor
rowing from his neighbors, bat tbe end
thereof is very cross neighbors.