.,,,,,.,,, ' ' iii-' , ,
:Tfm STAB OP TIE NORTH.
i'i i i i m i i ..i.i i i r -'" r W f 1 ft .1 a m n. fl m tfa
Troth and Right God and our Country.
W. 11. JAC03Y, rnblisher.j
$2 9U ill aurautti iter auuuui
f-.
1 r
1
4
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VOLUME 16.
STAR OF THE NORTH
Terms oC litis Taper :
t; (after. January 4, i860 )
3 00 per Year, or
2. JO if paid strictly ia adYacce.
Sew England Bales the flatioa.
' Ah ! ihe good lime has come at last,
New England roles the nation ;
' And now we've got you Hocaier fast
lo spile of all creation. ,
" For thirty year we've labored hard
' For tariff and protection,
And now we dare you to retort
,By setiiug up objectiou.
, Protection is the very thing
To gra'ify our wishes.
It brings as riche like a king,
Aud gold and silver dubes.
' It roalces us love yoa western folks
With very kind regard.
For now we sell you calico
' At filty cents a yard.
. Once you had gold and-silver
Flinging around like rockets
But soon we mad ou spend it though
To jingle in our pockets.
; While we've got plenty of th chink,
It surely looks quite lunny,
To -see yoa western folk",
Use paslboards lor your money.
For Union, Consliiution,'Laws,
We did most lond incise,.
Until we got you Hnosier boys
To go in and enlist.
And now we've g- you 'n :ne 'nk,
We cannot help but snigger
To think that we have fcoi you fast,
To fight and Iree the'iiigiter.
And now we've got the officii
And contractors, it is tru,
It is a glorious time for us,;
'But rather hard lor you.
For we've got enough of yankees
Scattered through the Wet
To fill the Federaljoffices,
. Aud feather well their nest.
Iu four rs more we'll maks enough
To satu ly our prjje,
. And then werll say to one and all.
" Just let 0e Union wlide
... . "Geld Mountain Oil Companj. '
CAPITAL. 8100,000 010.
Divided into 4OO;004 share of SI0 each.
'Subscription price at par.
$40 hava been appropriated for working
capital.
This company own 4.000 acres in tee
"imple, consisting of Gold Mountain Dia
mond Run Tract, Rose Bud Valley, and the
Kip'V.n Wii kle Farm.
Otfice Sunny Side of Tow Hill, on the
load to foriutie.
Potpie Palmer, Pres'l.
TlMOTHV EvtRSTtAL, SeC.
Philip Thiktikgbom, Treas.
This Company was incorporiled under
the great principle of eqoal rights and the
ttirsl law of nature. The prime mover do
not deny that their motive in engaging in
.so extensive and profitable an enterprise,
.was self preservation, at present and lor all
' .future lime ; yet to couvince the public ot
their good faith in carrying out the great
.:principle on which the company is formed,
the managers offer the entire capital stock
of the company for sale, at its par value to
(sucb as can ice prospective fortunes in the
fabulous, rich, rare and racy develope
menti, already made and contained ia the
undeveloped portions of ibis immense and
infallible source of weal:h.
The managers have been iiduced ro
make this offer from, the fact, that tbey pur
chased the four thousand acres, no x held
. by this company at ten cents per acre be
, fore it was developed, giving a mortgage1 on
' fie property for S100, which comtitote the
. only lien against all the property held by
'ihe company. After ascertaining their im-
tneose value and afer having been offered
. ten iboosaod dollars per acre, cash down by
speculators, which was refused ; the man
' agers still holding on to theiroiiginal de
sign ol making this an enterprise for the
benefit of the whole community, and at a
great sacrifice on their part, sold out the
mire purchase lo this company at $1,000
per acra, which takes only si:()00,000 of
be original capital stock, and leaves S-iO
-tfor working capital, except such portions as
toay have been heretofore appropriated for
1 incidental expenses. The managers are
"confident that the stocks of this company
. will advance ia the hands of permanent
holders, ia the sade ratio that th land did
ia theirs. The company tave met with
some reverses which we deem, it our do!y
'jo make public. The superintendent of the
Company bis discovered ac exlenshre gas
spring- on ilnle Creek, in a deep and
beautifol'dell, which, extends through the
Western slope of the Gold Mountain ; and
-traj erecting machinery for compressing
this gas into cans, similar to thosi used for
preserving fruit ; he 'had occasion to visit
" tha' works oa Christmas eve, wbsn the gas
' i suited from a larap ha had in his hand,
aad a trrib!s explosio'a took , place.
Onr
BLOOMS BURG. COLUMBIA
he bas never returned to the earth, the nat
ural supposition is that the force of the ex
plosion threw him nearer to the moon than
! he was to the earth ; when by the laws of
gravitation be was carried to the former
planet. This accident may or may not
have proved fatal lo our worthy Superin
tendent, however it has settled the long
vexed question ; that if never before, now,
there is a man in the moon; and it has
rendered "Golden Dell" more romantic
than'the celebrated "Hazel Deil."
The next experiment was on the cele
brated and historic Rip Van Winkle farm
at Buttermilk Falls ou Batter Run. Here
the surface indications were sufficient to
induce the managers to believe that there
existed a cream or butter deposit from ihe
fact that a milky substance flowed form the
vicini'y, whenever the land was filled with
water Irom a rain storm, or the melting
away of the snow. Alter boring 2 feet, 7j
inches, we strnck a deposit of chalk, and
on inquiring of an old hermit who had oc
cupied a cave at the foot ot Gold Mountain, (
during the last seven hundred years, we as
certained lhat old Van Winkle occupied
the spot on which we were boring, during
the whole of hit, life lime, for rinsing his
milk cans when he returned from market,
and though the discovery is not an important
one for the company, yet it has established
two important facis ; fuel the use of chalk j
(or improving the color of milk (and water)
is not a modern invention ; secondly thst
each person wbo tested the. quality of ihe 1
chalk, has made his mark. Having failed in
the first two attempts, the managers at a
full meeting unanimously resolved to make
an experiment on the top of Gold Moon-
tain, which consisted of about 1737 J acres !
of table lands. After boring two days and
forty-two secoede, with a big augur, and
when at the depth ol 7 leet and 11 inches,
we struck a depof-it of Buckwheat Baiter 3
leet and one inch in thickness with half
inch galvanised cast iron above and below,
and sufficient amount of Lard oil mixed in !
it to avoid the necessity of greasing the
griddle. The next day at the dep'h of 23 .
i'eet and 4 inches we lound a six foot vein
of sugar bouse syrup, this was secured
above and below by peace propositions,
and a portion of th syrup may be lost by
absorption. . At the depth of 49 feet, we
struck a 16 foot veio of pore Goshen Butter,
with 5 inches of pore gold above and be
low ; the butter is of a lightish casi but the
gold improves the color as soon as it reaches
the surface ; the precious metal thus dis
covered will be sufficient to pay 10 per
cent, on the entire capital stock, 61 times
per minute, yet this arrangement must be
construed so an to make this company a ,
tecond-ary affair. At the depth. of 73 feet !
and 2 inches, we passed through amarshy
substance about 30 feet, filled with Fels
thai are so lively that woen cooked they
are "done brown," before they stop wrig
gling. A-t the depth of 108 leet, we pasted
through a vein of Terrapins thirteen feet
thick, and at 132 feet, a f foot vein of Sar
dines preserved in oil. We next struck at
the depth of 150 feet a 32 font vein of fine
Alcboholic Liquors, which appeared to be
a mixture of Whiskey, Brandy, Ruru, Gin
ana Wine, six leet of the bottom of which,
was composed of Mint Juleps already
mixed op; passing down of an inch
through a spongy substance, we slrucb a 54
foot vein of svcker$, all of the top portion
standing on their tails with thejr months
attached to the sponge. It may be m proper
here to state, that the company employed a
magician lo adjust ihe tubing on the same
principle cf the magic bottle, out of which
so many different kinds ol liquor is pored ;
so that our liquors can be pumped out sep
arately, and in sufficient quantities to sop
ply ihe whole world and Ihe Union army
besides. At this point our workmen .
' struck," not at the price of Juleps, as thsy
were all dead heads ; but for higher wages, '
having got high themselves, which delayed j
our boring for two weeks. Alter this diffi- j
cnlty was adjusted we passed tbrongh red
Sand stone f0 feet, when we strvck a 19
feet vein of Lager; as this veiu was noi
more than ball full, the managers concluded
there ruust be a leak near the. foot of the
raounlain, wfsere the vein would naturally
crop but. A detachment was sent out wbor
reported, that one of the Van Winkle fam
ily, who owned ihe western slope of ibe
mountain bad a Laoer Spring from which
he barrelled about 60,000 gallons per day.
This spring is undoubtedly supplied' from
the vein struck by this company; if ao
there will undoubtedly be a scrub race be
tween the Yankees and Dutch ; the Dutch
two lengths ahead at the half mile post.
We then passed through nearly 100 feet of
white Sand Stone with ar. increasing flow
of Gas as we discovered, when Our drill
became so fast ia the rock that a 2,500
horse power engine had not the power lo
raise it. During this delay our workmen
were wandering about the northern slope,
where ihey discovered a cave which was
found to contain a kind of glue or sticking
plaster ; one ot the party put a small piece
in his mouth which drew out six of his
teeth in 5j seconds; a small piece was1
then spread'o'n the top of a dog's bead,
which drew his brains out ia two minutes
and twenty-seven eeonda. . It may be
proper to state that the dog's skull had
been somewhat softened by "oil oo the
brain." This discovery was reported at
heaJquarters, a large plaster was made aud
thrown over the well, and ia j of a second
from the ti mo the plaster struck the open
ing, the iarge drill snot up oat of the well
first stroke our heavy drill broke from its
fastenings and entirely disappeared in the
bowels of the earth. A rumbling noise
was heard for a few seconds, when pure
refined oil spouted in ihe air 293 feet and
4J inches. Our tubing was then adjusted
and the flowing capacity of the well, as
certained to be 9C.000, barrels per minute.
Our next experiment was in Rose valley,
on the South-eastern slope, here at the
depth of 37 feet and 4 inches, we struck a
7 foot rein of musk, and at the depth of
50 feet, a highly flavored oil, which was
prononnced by good judges to be ihe pore
"otto of Roses," the pumping capacity of
this well, is 200 barrels per day ; speci
mens of this musk and oil were sent lo
Lobin. the great French perfumer in Paris,
who rented the well at 5.000,00.0 francs
per year, after the transaction was pro
nornced by Maxamillian, not to be an in
fringement of the Monroe doctriue. The
managers recommend the stocks of this
company to all who wish a permanent in
vestment, and especially lo those who have
the custody of widows and orphan's funds.
In addition to the high standing of the man
agers for truth and veracity, the affidavit of
our Chief Engineers is hereunto appended
as to the trothtulness of the statements
herein contained.
Personally appeared before me, a Jus
tice of the Peace, in and lor said - County,
L. lar, who after being duly sworn, says,
that he is the Chief Engineer of the Gold
Mountain Oil Company, and lhat he knows
ot his own knowledge that all of the fore
going statements are true.
L. Iar,
Chief Engineer.
Subscribed and sworn to, before me this
2nd day of March, 1865.
Oily Gammon, J. P.
That "Little Story." The Washing
ton correspondent pf ihe Springfield (Mass.)
Republican has ihe following in reference
lo how. Mr. Lincoln's famous "little story"
was told to the rebel peace commission
ers :
. When Mr. Lincoln came hack from his
interview with the rebel peace com mis
sinner a worthy correspondent from Wash
ington asserted in one of bis letters that the
President told Aleck Stephens one ol bis
little droll stories. It .was generally sup
posed that this was a p'eaoant fiction, but I
chance to know lhat it was the actual troth.
Says Stephens : Suppose your Consiitu.
tional -Amendment be adopted by- three
fourths of the State Legislatures ?"
"Then slavery will be abolished in ev
ery part of the country," replies Mr. Lin
coln. "And what are we to do," aked Steph
ens, 'if we are to consent to reconstruct
on. I know that negroes will not work
unless forced to it, and I tell you that we
shall all starve together. This is a suppo
tioos case, but if it were a reality, what are
we to do 1"
Lincoln grew merry eyed at once. "It
remind me of a ttory," said he, and then
he told the story ending with the seotence
"Rirt hos, or die." The moral was this :
The Southern people can go to work like
honeM people, or starve. After a little
while Aleck Stephens told a story. "Many
years ago," said he, "a host ol Congress
man were discussing the proper pronuncia
tion of the name of your State Illinois.
It was in the old Hall of Representatives,
in the lobby where we have both spent
many pleasant hours, and several of ihe
Illinois delegation were present. Some,
members asserted lhat the proper pronun
ciation was ' Iilinoy,' others called ' lllinoise.'
John Quincy Adams was called in to de
cide the disputed point. "If one were to
judge from the character of the representa
tives in this Congress from lhat S'ate,' said
the old man, with a malicious smile, "I
should decide that the proper way to pro
nounce tre word would be 'All-noise. '
The President "acknowledged the corn,"
and there was a hearty Idugh, even from
the sedate Mr. Hunter.
Didn't want a Substitute Mr. Pilkiu
eon, a small farmer in Pennsylvania, was
some time ago drafted for the service of
his country. His wife, though she pos
sesses but a s'mall stock of general infor
mation, is one of the best conjugal part
ners, and she was much troubled at the
(bought of parting with her husband. As
she was engaged in scrubbing off her door
step, a rough looking stranger came up
and thus addressed ber:
"I bear, madam, that your husband has
been drafted."
"Yes, sir, be has ;" answered Mrs. Pilk
iusort, "though dear knows, there's few
couldn't better be spared from their fami
lies "
"Well, madam, I have' comer to offer my
self as a. substitute for him."
"A what V' asked Mrs. Pilkinson with
some excitement.
"I am willing to take his place," said the
stranger.
"Yoa lake the plance of my husband,
you wretch. I'll teach yoa to insult a dis
tressed woman mat way, you vagabond !"
cried Mrs. Pilkioson, as she discharged the
dirty soap suds in the face of lb6 discom
fited and astonished substitute, who took to
his heels just ic time to escape having his
bead broken by the bucket.
The Washington Chronicle, speaking of
the reoeption at the Executive Mansion
tays ; "Many colored persons appeared to
pay their respects to the President aud fady,
COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 1865.
Changing a $500 Sill.
Almost every one is aware of the fallacy
of always trusting to outward appearances.
Looks are deceitful, as all of us find, sooner
or later, by bitter experience.
We recollect an incident which occurred
a few years since, which illustrates the folly
of trusting to appearances, and which will
be remembered by 'many who are well ac
quainted with one of the parties, a wealthy
cattle-broker of Framingham, Mass.
It chanced that the broker who is uni
versally known by the cognomen of Uncle
'Vanos was sitting in ihe hotel office in
Framinghara w'r.h a friend, playing a game
of checkers, when a fashionably dressed
young man stepped up lo the bar, called
for a cigar, and' having lighted it, said, with
an air ot arrogance, to the bar-keeper :
"You will have to trust me for this cigar,
as I have no change ; unless," he added,
somewhat bombastically, "some of you
here cau change me a five hundred dollar
bill."
"Well," said Uncle 'Vanus, looking op
slowly from his checker-board, ''perhaps I
can change a bill lor the your.g man if he
wants to pay for his cigar."
"You !" said the young man, somewhat
sneeringly, as be glanced at the plainly
dressee old man, and 'then, with a wink lo
the bystanders to call attentioc to the capi
tal joke be was about to perpetrate, he
continued : "You change it ! Well, since
you are so kind, perhaps you will chanze
me a couple of them," said be, sapping
down two notes of five hundred dollars
each upon the table with considerable
emphasis.
"Don't jozsle ihe checker-board," said
Uncle 'Vauus, slowly, as he replaced three
or four pieces that had been jostled from
their squares by the young man's emphatic
acion ; then drawing a huge roll from the
pocket of his well worn pantaloons, he
carefully counted out, in notes of all sizes,
colors and denominations, the required
sum, banded them over to the young man
and pocketed the iwoclean Boston bank
notes of five hundred dollars each that lay
before him, saying, "ZVehaps you would
like two more of them changeJ V
The young man, with an air of bravado,
thinking he had stumbled on some drover
who had happened to hp.ve only one thou
sand dollars in his pocket, crammed the
heap of bills the old gentleman passed to
bim into one pocket, and drew lorth two
other five hundred dollar notes from anoth
er pocket, with a glance of triumph to the
bystanders, who began to gather aroncd,
and banging them upon the table said :
"Vehaps I do ; wou't you change them
old buster V
"Don't joggle the checkers," said the old
man, as the draughts danced again upon
their squares, and plunging his hand into
bis other pantaloon's pocket, he fished up
another apparently promiscuous heap of
bank notes, which he smoothed out, and
rapidly counted the required amount, which
about used up the supply, and then pushed
them over to the young man, pocketiag in
return the two large notes.
The tide was evidently against ihe young
braggadocio, and he fell it in the halt sup
pressed laughter that was elicited from the
lookers on. A bold coup was necessary lo
regain the ground be bad lost, and he til
once decided upon it.
"Prehaps, my old cock, you think that's
all the money I've got, and prhaps you
may have the rags about you for these two
beau ties," said he. as he flirted two one
thousand do lar notes out upon the table,
before the old man.
"Pretty well crowed my bantam," said
the latter, as he keenly scrutinized ihe
notes. "If you keep on through life as you
'pear to have begun it. prehupa you may
have rags abjul yon that you mou't get rid
of 60 easily." Then plunging his hand into
a capacious pocke; somewhere under his
left arm, be drew forth a "hose, plethoric
call-skin wallet, in which he deposited the
two one thousand dollar notes, and from
which he handed the omount in olTters of
smaller denominations, saying, as he dii so
-'If you would like a few more nf those
changed jusl baud 'em out, for the game is
waiting.''
The young man evidently felt that the
game unts waitiiig and it began to be appa
rent to him who was ihe gum? ; so be hast
ily gathered up the money and prepared to
leave, when he was stopped by Uncle 'Van
us, who said :
"If you have got change enough, my
friend, preh a ps you had better pay for that
cigar. Any broker in Bosion will give you
Boston bills for the pile lhat you've got in
your pockets for a fair commission a id,"
he continued, with a grin, "you had better
step into the city and lake up the no'e you
were sent to pay, instead ol swapping your
money around here among cattle drovers."
The young man threw down . a dollar on
the coanter, and vanished amid a shout of
laughter from those who had witnessed this
scene, while Uncle 'Vanus quietly sea'ed
himself, and went on with ihe interrupted
game of. "checkers."
-
A melting sermon being preachJ in a
country church, all fell a weeping but one
man, who being asked why he did not
weep with the rest said, "Oh ! I belong to
another parish."
Thk Petersburg Express says lhat, despite
the effort of Gen. Grant, a large namber of
hi men are daily desertioy , and lhat the
Where are They
Where are the men wbo marched at
night,
About four months ago ?
Each with a banner or a light
A grand, inspiring show.
Who "hoped to march to Dixie's land,
Each with a musket in his hand,
To slaughter all the rebel laud,"
About four months ago.
, - -
Where are the men who drove fast teams,
About tour months ago?
Who showed their zeal by shouts and
screams,
And making whisky fl w.
Who made their pa'riotic boasts,
That they would "crush the rebel hosts,
Or die, like heroes, at their pobts,"
About four months ago.
Where are the men who swayed the crowd
About four months ago 1
Whose speeches were so long and loud,
And bright with martial glow.
Who wore small medals on their coats,
And had their pockets full of notes
To buy up Democratic votes,
About four months ago.
The draft is cornina: where are those
Who bragged lour months &20 1
Why don't tfcey march to meet their loss,
' And "crush them at ablow': ?
Abe calls, but, ah ! they answer not !
They do not fancy being shot ;
Their blood has cooled, which was so hoi
About four months ago.
Doyleblown Dem'Krat,
How he had Him.
A man named Well9 kept a tavern in one
of our western villages ; but though his
house had a very good name, it was more
than be had himself ; for it was surmised
by his neighbors that he used a great deal
of lodder, com, etc., for which he never
gave an equivalent, though it never bad
been clearly proved upon him.
Early one morning, he was met by an
acquaintance, named Wilkes, as he was
driving before bim a heifer, which he had
most brobably borrowed from some far
mer. "Hallo Wells ! where did you gel the
heifer !" cried Wilkes.
"Booghi her of Col. Stevens," was the
unhesitating reply.
"What did you pay for her ?"
"Twenty dollars," said Wells, as he hur
ried on.
About an hour afterwards, as Wilkes was
sitting in Wells' bar room, Col. Stevens en
tered. After a few minutes' conversation,
Wilkes said :'
"A fine animal that yoa sold Wells !"
"I don't understand you ; I never sold
Wells any animal."
'Didn't you? VVhy, I met him this
morning wiih a heifer, which he said he
bought ol you for twenty dollars."
"He did, eh ? Well since he said so, he
ha got to pay me for her,", said Colonel
Steven.
Wells entered 60on after, and Stevens
stepping op to him, said :
"Come, Wells, I'll trouble yoa for Ihe
money for that heifer ; ii was a cash bar
gain, yoa know V
"I never bought any heifer from you."
"Don't you remember 'you boushl one
ot me for twenty dollars 1 Here's Wilkes
can proe it."
No he can't," said Wells.
"You told me so this morning," said
Wilkes.
A curious expression passed over Wells'
face ; he felt bimseif cornered ; he had
either to tell where he got the animal, or
lose twenty dollars ; and thinking i: not
safe for him to do the first, he pulled out
his wallet, counted nut the money, and
handed it to Steven8, saying
"So 1 did so I did I had forgotten all
aboul ii you must excuse -me."
The New York Ti fount, which hascontrib
used more than any other paper in the conn,
try to bring aliout thi war, is now warning
its reader lo be prepared for the corning
financial crash. It says a storm in brewing
and let those who care to outlive it stand
from under. It makes u-e of this language ,
"The time is at hand when questlous of
economy and retrenchment will be in order
nay, when the weight of public burdens
w'rll compel their consideration. Let those
who care lo outlive the storm which is
brewing look well to their record !"
If the Tribune would extend its 'admoni
tion 10 the Government, in place ol the
people, and counsel the adoption of a more
economical expenditure ol the pnblic funds,
and a prompt dismissal of the leeches and
plunderers that hang around the disbursing
department at Washington, it might do
some good and, perhaps, avert Ihe storm
which is so '"plainly brewing, "and which is
to leave our country a blighted picture ot
infamy and rnio. The Tribune and its par
ty had belter "look weil so their reccord."
It is a grand mistake to think that a ma
jority are always in the right. They were
not so in the time of the flood and they've
teen wrong several limes since.
It is a bad habit to carry your pins or
fyour religion in your mouth.
There are three faithful friends an old
wife, an old dog, and ready money.
A young girl in Canada, twelve years of
age, was recently married to a courageous
A Startling Imposture.
Extraordinary Scenes in Chietso Marvelous
Cures Effected by a Touck of the Hand.
For several days past the talk of all the
marvel seekers ir. Chicago has been devo
ted to narrations of the extraordinary cures
e fleeted by an individual in Metropolitan
Hall. Thousands crowd to him every day,
and from morning till night he in engaged
passing patients through his hands at the
rate of about lour per minute.
Every one he professes to cure by a touch
of hit hand. It is said thai he has touched
the limbs of the paralyzed, and they have
flung iheir crutches from them and danced;
thai the blind by the mere pressure of his
finder on the eye balls, open iheir eyes and
see ; thai ihe deaf are made 10 hear, and
those who had stammered all their lives
speak fluently and with ease. Rumor has
sent abroad (he most extravagant arJ ex
traordinary stories regarding his power.
The consequence is the credulous come
pouring to him from all directions. One
woman's faith was so strong that she trav
eled four hundred miles, carrying with her
a bed-ridden mother's clothes, in order that
he might touch them. She actually be
lieved thai by his doing so her mother
would be cure!.
Th-j proces of "core" occn'pies very lit
tle time. The patient comes up to the plat
form. The physician lays his hand upon
him and he walks off immedia'ely.
Yesterday morning the multitudes who
flocked 10 the Metropolitan Hall surpassed
even those of 1 he previous days. The hall
was filled before 9 o'clock, and for hours the
crowd continued to accumulate, the broad
staiicase being completely filled by the
press of people crushing continoaly forward.
The majority seemed to skeptical but there
were also many enthusiasts. One lady,
tossing her-head scornfully, was heard to
remark :
"1 don't believe it for one ; and they tell
a great many stories about him."
On which an elderly gentleman turned
round and, in accents of grave rebuke,
said :
' They crucified Christ before tbey be
lieved in him."
Sometimes a couple of men would come,
carrying a paralytic or palsied friend. Oth
ers came limping upon crutches. There
were many either wholly or partially blind,
scores of deaf, and persons afflicted with
rheumatism, neuralgia, and lung "and liver
complaints. All the sufferers were mar
shaled in long array twenty deep around
the hall ; the professed dispeiuer of health
occupying a place al the upper end. One
by one the immense assemblage came up
to him, were touched, and passed out at
the door. Those who came on crutches he
manipulated for a few seconds, made them
stamp on the floor, walk bacKwarvland for
ward one or twice, then take iheir crutches
on their shoulders and march out. This
many of them certainly did, but whether it
was that they were reaily cured, or he her
their excited imagination gave them a mo
mentary sense of being so, it will be im
possible to tell, though a few days will
serve to establish whether ihe whole affair
was a humbug or not. Chicago Tim'e$ iQlh.
Hands ox Bosoms A mischievous Yan
kee one day slopped before a shirt manu
factory, and read on a card hanging out
side tiie-e words t ''Hands on Bosoms
waned."
He stepped inside, asked to see the
"bos" which individual being brought be
fore him, "he innocently inquired wheiher
they wanted hands on bosoms.
"We do, sir," was th curt reply.
"Then I'm your man; trot out your fe
males, and I'll take my pick "
"There seems to be some misunderstand
ing here,'', rernarke I the proprietor.
"Nt.t to my thinking," replied ibe Yan
kee ; "ton want hands on bosoms, eh V
"We "do "
"Very tood ; you see those hands?'' said
the Yankee, noldiug forth his two, which
were not remarkable lor size and cleanli
UTsS
"I see them, certainly," said the sh'rt
merchant, not comprehending the other's
meaning.
"Gfid aaain '? said Yank. ''The hand
are here, now all we want 14 the bosoms to
pui tha hands on. So please jest troi out
the teminines, and we'll probably make a
traite "
The merchant explained 'he meaning cf
the sign, and the Yankee left, amid the
merriment of some three or four clerks.
The proprietor look in his 6ign soon alter,
and when he hun ilootagaio, it read thus :
Wanted, good shirt-bosom makers,
John Rock of the United Sta es Supreme
Court, made a speech at the negro jubilee
in Philadelphia last Friday. John said thai
the cry of "You will want the white women
to marry the niggers yel, He "knew of no
prettier clas ol persons than the ebony race,
traced through various phases to the beauti
ful blonde with her delicate tint, likened
unto tna interion of ihe sea shell. What
does John ihiak of the "chaw-tobacker"
tint ? He oughtn't to like that, for it is the
compromise color, and bis Abolition friends
are all opposed to compromises.
Present Duty. Let him who grope!
p a i n 1 0 1 1 y in darkness or uncertain light and
prays vehemently that the dawn may ripen
into day, lay this other precept well to
heait, which to me was of invaluable ser
vice : Do' ihe doty which lies nearest thee
which thou knowest to be a duty ; the sec
ond duty will already have become clearer.
Curlyle.
The young bridegroom and bride have
nothing to do bat to enjoy their moon and
honey for two.
A Man who bumps his head against that
NUMBER 22 ...
What aiania-a-Potu is.
The reporter ol the Philadslphia Pteat
relates the following:
A pretly well-dressed young man step
ped into the Central Station, Monday after
noon, to enter a comilaint- He appeared
to be perfectly sane, but it was not long be
fore we came to the conclusion lhat we
stood in the presence of a man who was
laboring under an attack of mania-a-potu.
"Sir," snid he, "I am very much annoyed
by the Reading Railroad Company. Tbey
have caused to be laid a double track from
the cellar of my "house to the roof; one
track goes up one ei'fe of my bed and down
on the other side. They run the cars all
night Just as 1 get into a doze a locomo
tive whizzes by, blowing the steam-whistle
and ringing the bell. Last night, sir, one
of the locomotives flew off the track, leap- -ed
adross my bed to the other track, and
the engineer grinned at me like a devil.
The passengers all looked like devils ;
some with horns and some with no born,
at all ; each devil carried a canary bird
which seemed to sing like a steam whis
tle." Here the informant paused.
"Well, sir, your compiaitit is just. Ws
have already taken measures to have the
railroad tracks removed from your house,
so that you can sleep without being dis
turbed," was our reply.
The man seemed 10 be grateful that such
a course had been -taken, add as he 'arose
to depart be said, '.Sir, I wTsb yoa would
remove that worm from ray shoulder. O ily
a little while ago 1 pulled one out of my
forehead, and threw it ou the pavement.
Just as I was about lo put my foot on 1',
nearly a hundred ran up my leg; and I
suppose this is one of them."
We removed the imaginaay worm ;
whereupon he exclaimed, "VVhy, there are
more cf them "Wait a moment," said
we ; a brush was obtained and properly
ued. The man, evidently a gentleman,
returned his thanks for our. kindness, and
suddenly left the office. He was a stran
ger. What became of bim we know not,
but we thought the whole scene a first
class temperance lecture.
The State of the Sarket.
Dealers in hardware say they never
found things as hard as aow ; that tin plates
are flat, lead heavy, iron dull, pades not
trumps, and more rakes in the market than
are inquired after ; brass is in demand lor
Politicians ; brads are also in reduest but
holders cannot be got 10 fork them out.
Nails won't go by pushing, aud have to be
driven.
I he dry goods merchants say that their
cased arj bard, and complain lhat people
prefer the bank rags to theirs
In paints every thing looks black though
many try to varoish the thing over.
Shippers of ashes have had to add sack
cloa'h to them as prices are by no mean
pear y, and prices are going 10 pol.
The timber trade is pining, and holders
have 10 rest upon their oars 10 stave off the
pressure.
There is no spirit in the rum trade, and
holders of vinegar look sour ; champagne,
however, is bti-k-
Rhubarb and Senna are quiet drugs, but
there is a cousump'inn ot brimstone fot
matches, many haing lately been made.
Holders of indigo look blue, but those
deep read are not green e.iough to ihinlc
thai a symptom of the trade dying.
Starch is stiffenig, aud paper 1 stationary.
In the meal market things are fllowery, but
the millers say that ihe high price of wheat
goes against the grain at which the bakers
are also crusty.
Tne grocers have got along pretty ginger
ly , but some, having tasted a piece of the
limes, have become peppery.
There is no life in dead hogs, pat some
animation in old cheese.
A man coming hone late one night, a
little more than "half seas over," eelin?
thirsty, procured a glass of water and drank
it. In doing so be swallowed.a small ball
of silk lhat lay in the bottom of a tumbler
the end catching in his teeth. Feejing
something in his mouth and not knowing
what il was, he began pulling at the end,
and the lntle ball unrolling he soon had
several feet in his hands and still no end
apparently. Terrified, he ehonted al the
top of hi voice, "Wife ! wife ; I say; wife
come down here ! I am unravelling !" .
With four metalic qualifications, a roan
may be prettysura oi warthly success.
These old in his packet, silver on -his
tongue, brass in his face, and iron in his
heart.
A young professor at one of the college
married a lady twenty years his senior
This was said, by a witty friend, to be a
proof of his ambition, as he appeared desi
rous of stndying the "ancients."
A wag, Speaking of a blind woodsawyer
siy's lhat " while none ever saw him see
thousands have sen him saw."
Some poet says the wind kisses the waves.
That, we suppose is the celebrated "kiss;
for a blow, o! which we bear so much.
So you are going to keep bouse in ihe
spring V eaid an elderly maiden to a blush
ing bride.
'Yes,' was the reply.
' Going to have a girlj I suppose V
The new made wife colored, and quietly
replied thai she 'really didn't kuo- w&ettj-