1
raw
IV. U. JACOBY, rubllshcr.
Truth and Right God and our Country.
Two Dollas per Annum.
BLOOMSBURG. COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 18, 1863.
NUMBER 4.
VOLUME. .15.
V
I
. PUBMSHBD ITXBT WDSEST AT Bt
-. W3I. II. JACOBY,
- Crfke on Main St., 3rd Square below Market,"
TERMS: Two Dollars ipr annum ir paid
within fir months from the time of subscri
bing: two dollars and fifty cents if not paid
within the jear. No subscription taken for
a less period than six months; no discon
tincioce permitted until all arrearages are
- paid, ur.Iiius at the option of the editor.
7i term of advertising will be as folloibs I
" One square, twelve lines three limes, St 00
lively subsequent insertion, . . . .
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- Orre squaw, three months, . 3 00
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Tor the Star rf the North.
CUE CCaTSI'S FUG.
Oar country, rich, and noble,
J Wi;h hills, and valleys, wide.
O'er Hirers, Lakes, and Oceans,
..' -Heir starry banner glides ;
Thou ark of human Liberty,
" High o'er the traitor's grave,
Long may thy bright unsullied folds,
. In peace and union wave..
Thy tons are brave, and valiant,
Tby daughters, virtuous, fair,
Kind heaven smiles upon them,
And brightens every care ;
Colombia, O, Colombia !
We love thy happy shore.
The emblem of thy glory,
All patriots must adore.
Where Susquehanna wanders.
Or Mississippi flows,
Or mountains, famed for grandeur, ,
Uprear their lofty nose ;
A'l bail, thou glorious emblem, ,
Tri color of the free,
God curse the trai'ot hand, that would,
.fcxpel one Star from thee.
Whei-e bold Niagara thunders.
In all her native pride,
- Or lov'd Wyoming vatley,
Ott fetches far and wide;
O'er southern wastes, and prairies,
v Through battles, smoke, and scars,
' Borne by victorious freeman,
' Behold the Stripes and S:ars.
; Frora Carolina cotton fields
. Add cp, to distant Maine,
' Across the Rocky Mountains,
' - - To Utah's lovely vale ;
From California' col Jen plains
To famed old Bunker Hill", '-.
' While remains an arm to guard it,
We'll unlurl oar Banner still !
Wiluimsport, Nov. 3d, 1863.
Misjuct.-If there is a tie on earth
deemed sacred, and holy in brighter land,
tii. that which binds man to his kindred
spirit to become as one in unity and love ;
atid yet it rarely happen that he properiy
appreciates the kindness and sincerity of
toe ieroale heart, by setting right value on
a gen i) productive of happiness to the
-possessor. There h nothing in lite so pure
and devoted as the unqneuchable love of
woeaaa more priceless than the gems ol
Golconda, and more devout than the idola
try llecca, is the unsealed and gushing
nmdenmss which flows from the fount of
the female heart.
... It may here with propriety be asked,
what so often enhances the sorrow of li.e
female heart, causing many anxious days
and sleepless nights ? Is it not for the con
stancy itf mau ? For whose sake does she
bid adieu to the home of her childhood I
. For whom does she leave the loved father
a.nd the doting mother, and the sweet sister
who phiyed with her in infancy 1 To whom
does shs cling with a fond embrace, when
tdl tot her have forsaken him ?
How Nature Covers op Battle Fields
"Did I tiill joo ever, among the affecting
little things one is always seeing in these
stirring war times, bow I saw on the Bull
Eon battle field, pretty pore delicate flow
rs growing out of emptied ammunition
boxes, a roe thursting up its graceful head
, nbroogh the head ol a Union drom, vhich
- doubtless sounded its last charge (or re
' t reat, an tbe case may hare been,) in that
' battle, and conning scarlet verbena peep
ing oat of a fragment ol bursted shell in
, .which iitrange cop it had beea planted 7
.Wasn't that peace growing- out of war 1
'Even so shall the graceful and beautilol
" grow out of the horrible and terrible things
. that transpire in this changing out ever ad
vancing world. Nature covers even the
- battle grounds with verdure and bloom
' Peace and plenty soon spring up in the
track of devastating campaigns, and all
'things in nature and society shall work out
-Uhe progress of mankind and-harmony of
'Goi's (jreat designs. Ex.
r. -Wh are the Happt. Lord Byron aid :
f'The mechanics and wcrkingmen who can
raainU.in their families, are in my opinion,
-the happiest body of - men. Poverty is
- tsrietcliedaass, but even poverty is, perhaps
' to be preferred to heartless unmeaning di
ipatknof the bibber orders." Another
iaj'8 : "I bava no propensity to enry any
one, fciastof all, the rich and great, but if I
i W-re (!ispcs3(i to this weakness, the snbject
: cf rnxenry wocIJ be a healthy young man,
in fs!l strength atd faculties, goin? forth ir,
a morning to work for his wife and children t
vt bringing" them home bis wages at
Tni:REis news from . ghostdom ! Thei
Jlt'taklcf trDgresi, a spiritualist paper, saysj ed to Kernal he cams hum again. He cams
til! SiCnswal! Jickacu has become an abo- ; every time he gets promoted to let his old
litleaiii- rises his death, and has joined naybors saa ' how 'be looks ia fcbfnew nni
Jefc3 gown's phalanx of phUanihropists. ' form. I never see the Kernal look so well.
FROM ffllJOR JACK DOWSING.
Downingville, Oct. 26, 1863.
Sens: 'Cause jour readers hain't herd
from me lately, I 'epoae tbey think I'm ded
or gone over to the Abolitionists, which is
a tarnal sight wos ; but 1 hain't in neither
fix. lm pretty well jest now. The hot
Wether, durin the summer, kinder" tried me,
bnt I carry eigbty'yeara just about as well
as any man ever did. The resin you ain't
herd from me is this : I've been oneom-
W I . A . . II
man Somy. ana aown speruea an sum-
) rner. fc.veryining seemed to oe goin irom
i ( bad to was. Linkin wouldn't take ray ad
rice and com out agin the Abolitionists,
issued his free nigger proclamashin rite
agio the law and Constitusbin both. Wal,
things have gone down 'hill rapid since
tben. The Demycratic party didn't cum
out bluntly agin this proclamashin, but
kept on sopportin' the war, an the conse
quence is, it has been whipped all around.
Politics are geltin down to first principles
The Democratic party reminds me of old
deacon Dooli. tie's youngest boy. Bob.
When Bob was about fifteen years old, he
was the most awlul liar I ever new. An
he would not only Me, but he used to tteal
J the other boy dinner out of their baf kt&.
One day at school, the teacher undertook to
whip him, an Bob jumped oat of the wind
ow and run horn across lot, frightening on
his w ay old Sol Pendergrasse's bay riare so
badly thaf 6he broke her leg in tryin' to
jump over the fence, an Jiei wit day.
The old deacon called Bob up. an gave
him a terrible whippin. As he wus abr n
cloin' op the job, the deacon, ses he, 'Bob,
why can't yoo behave yourself?' WaI,
Pop says Bob, drawlin' oat the words be
tween the blubberin,' the resin is jest this:
lean bahave unless 1 am Hiked ' And jest
so it is with the Demycratic party. It can't
behave i'self unless it's licked, I should
think its la'e thrashings ought to put it en
good behavior.
Things are now jest as bad as they kin
be, and that is what encourage.', me. 1
shall never forget Hezekiah Stebt'ns, who
lived away up in the upper part of the
Penobscot. One winter it had been awful
cold whether, and 'Kiah had had wonderful
bad Inc'r, and towards spring it seemed to
get wor.'o instead of better. He had lost
his horse and his cow, and bis chickens
and all his pigs but one. Finall y that die J,
j and the next day I happened to go up to
b.s house to see how be was gettin alon.
I found the old man happy as a lark. He
was singin' and ehoutin' as if nothin' had
happened. When I went in ses 1, 'Kiah
what on airth is the matter?' 'Oh,' ses he,
'the (aispig is dead,' and he went to jump
in and clappia' his hands as if he was the
happiest man in the universe. Ses I,
,wljat possesses you to act so V 'Wal,' pes
he, 'things can't be no wos. The last pig
i- ded, and anything that happens now
muet be for the better. And just so it is
wiih the Demycratic party. Anything now
that happens it must be for the better. And
I must confers that I feel a good deal like
-Kiah I don't feel at all like settin' down
and cry in' like a sick baby over spilt milk,
because we've beea whipt in the late elec
t-huns. Tbat ain't the way old Gineral
Hickory Jackson taught me Diramocracy. , '
Tbe other day I got a letter from Linkin,'
aikin' me to cam on to Washington. He
ses he is gettin' into a heap of trouble
shout his next raessidge, all on account of
the difheilty which Blair and Chase air kick
in" up about what is to be dun with the
southrin States alter the rebelyon is put
down. He ses he wants me to help git up
the messidge, and kinder fix things up gin
rally. I writ back that cold wether was
comin' on, an my rhumatiz wold probably
trouble me, so I could not tell exactly what
I would do, bat if I could be of acy service
to ray coo ntry, as long as life lasted 1 wo'd
do my doty. I wrote him also atout this
matter of the southren States, and I told
him that it reminded me of the old receipt
for cooking a rabbit. 'First catch the rabbit.1
I told them they bad not got the southern
States yet that they sartinly wouldn't get
them this year, and I didn't tee any great
likelyhood of gettin7 them next year. In
(act the times of the soldiers were mostly
ont, and I didn't believe they ever coold git
another sich an army, and if he followed
my advice he would get op a Peace this
winter without fail. I ain't got any answer
to this letter, but shall wait for one before I
go. II the Kernal talks huffy I won't stir a
step, for he knows 1 alters tell him the
plain, blun. troth, as I believe i. When I
can't talk that way to a man I won't have
nothing to do with him. The old Gineral
alters wanted every bod around him to
speak their rale sentiments. Nothin made
him so mad as to suspect any body of flat
terin him, or shaming in any way.
The other day Kernal Stebbins cum hnum
from the war. The Kernal has been down
to Morris Island with Gineral Gilmur. He
ses that the sand on that Island is kinder
oncountabJe. The Kernal reckons that be
tas eat nigh about a buihel. Tbe Kernal
used to be very good on riling poetry, but
he ses all the flatus has oozed out of him,
an be don't believe be could rite a line lo
save his life. We had a grand recepsbin
for the Kernal oc his arrivel. The Dowu
ingvh'Ie Insensibles turned out as usual on
sich occashins. You recollect tbat the Ker
nal went off as art Iosine, an whea he was
promoted to be Captain ha cum ham an
we give him a recepshin. Now he is rais-
He has got a span new suit of blue uniform
all covered with gold buttons an gold lace
an gold shoulder straps. I tell you, the
1 people looked astonished, and the Down-
. ingville folks feel very proud ot him. The
; Kernal expects before long to be a Gineral,
and then to be called to the command of
the army of the Potomac ! When the Ker
I nal wa received at the Town Hall,
Kernal Doolittle, who commands tbe Down
ingville lnsensibtes, made the recepohin
speech. The following is the speech, with
the Kerr.al's reply :
"Kernal Stebbins : I am deputed by the
citizens of Downingviile lo welcome you
once more to you native town and hum.
We have heard of your gallant exploits,
your glorious bravery, your never dying
devoshin to the Star Spangled Banner.
Comiu' as you do, covered with the dust
and blood of the battle field, we hail you
as the friend of tbe oppressed African and
the savior of your country."
To which the Kernal replied.
"Kernal Doolittle '. I can't begen to ex
press to you the feelings of ray hart. This
occashin is lechin Sojers can't make speech
es. I've dun my duty. I've seen the can
nons roar. I've heard the flash of a thou
eaud rifles all at one. There ain't nothing
caa equal it for rite down tall sublimity
But, feller-citizens, we ought to be most re
joiced now because freedom is going it at
such big licks. I'm a manifett desiir.y
man. I believe freedom is to extend Irnm
ihe frozen planes o Alabama to he sunny
baaks of Nenfoundhnd. There ain't noth
in kin stop it. It is comin like an aval
anche from the eternal hills of Giberai er.
Freedom ! freedom 1 will re-sound from
creafehin come to pullin turnip time, an all
the hopples that bind the legs of American
citizens of Alrican 6cent will fall oil.
Them's my seutiments, and I don't keer
who knows 'em. The old Union ain't of
any more account in ihee 'ere times than
an iron pot with a hole in the bottom. Wat
we want is a uex Union which will have
for its motto the celebrated words of Dan
Webcter, "Freedom and niggers new and
foreverone and insepirable."
"Amen," yelled out Deacon Jenkini,who
had teen lifctenin' attentively, as the Ker
nal sat down, and the hull audience broke
out into th tumultuous applause. There is
a little mistake in Kernal Doolitle's speech,
where he speaks of Kernal Stebbins being
covered with the dual an blood of this battle-field.
Now, the truth was, the Kernal
with his new uniform, looked as if be had
jest cum out of a b&nd box, but Kerns! Doo
little had his speech writ out, an couldn't
alter it. Kernal Stebbens got on such high
hoaxes, that he talked about 6eeiitg the
boomio of cannon an bearin the flash of
guns, but the truth was, he didn't know ex-
actly what be said, an the people were so
carried away with havin' a live Kernal
among them, that they didn't notice ii.
There ain't been nothin talked of in Down
ingville sence the Kernel's return, except
his recepshin Elder Sniffles preached a
sarmon on ii, taken lor his text; "There
shall be wars an rumors of wars," an prov
in, from ihe Bible, that war if the duty ol
all rale, genuine Christains. So, yen see,
there ain't a more loyal place in the coon
try, unless it be Washington, whar all the
office-holders an contractors live. But I
must clof-e. 1 didn't expect to rite yoo but
a few lines this time. II I go to Washing
ton, 1 will let you into tbe secrets of the
Blair an Chase rumpus, an keep yon posted
op generally on things behind tbe curtin,
Yours,. till deih,
Major Jack Downing.
Hard lo Beat.
The latest Munchausen story was related
by a boy who was begging in the streets of
Plymouth the other day. He said he was
a cabin boy on board an American liner,
and for some of bis mischievous pranks
was headed up in an empty water cask,
with bnly the bung hole to breathe through.
On tbe following, night a squall eame up,
the ship went down with all on board ex
cept himself, the cask containing him hav
in' rolled over into the sea.on a sodden lurch
of the vessel. Fortunately it kept "bong
up' and after thirty hours floating about
he was cast on the coast, where, after he
had made desperate efforts to release him
self, he gave himself op to die. Some
cows sirowling along the beach were at
tracted to the cask, and in switching around
it, one of them accidently dipped her tail
into the bung hole, which the boy grasped
immediately, and kept fast hold of with ad
mirable resolution. The cow started off,
and after running about three hundred yards,
tbe cask struck a rock, and was knocked to
pieces. After wandering for several days
he bailed a vessel, was taken on board, and
carried to Falmouth, Irom whence he pro
ceeded to Plvmouth.
To Pretknt Colds in Childiiich. The
best preventive of colds in children is to
dress them warm and give them exercise
daily in the open air, and wash them thor
oughly every day in cold water, if tbey are
strong enough to bear it; if not add a little
warm water and rub the skin dry keeps
the pores open. It they do take cold, give
them a warm bath as soon as possible. If
that is not convenient, bathe the ieet and
hands, and wash the body all over with
warm water, and then give a cup of warm
tea, and cover ihe patient in bed. Avoid
exposure on the following day.
The military hospitals of Philadelphia
now have 7,769 inmates.
Warreaton, Ta. A Picture of tbe War.
A correspondent of a religious paper gives
the following account of his isita to War
rentoti, Virginia
This place, with its present condition
and connectives, is no doobt a lair sample
of all the large towns in Eastern Virginia.
It is the seat ol Justice lor Farqcier county,
and located beautifully on the summit of an
elevated ridge ol land. Before the war it
must have been a place ot very considera
ble attraction The principal street con
sists of fine old Virginia mansions, detach
ed from each other, with pleasant grass
plots in front, and, what is not common in
this region, both sides of the streets lined
with fine old shade trees. In Dixie estima
tion, a wealthy, refined, exceedingly aris
tocratic thorough F. F. V. place 6ecesh
to the core.
Riding through this place, a short time
since, I chanced to meet an intelligent look
ing old gentleman, a rebel resident, and
fell constrained to accost him and if possi
ble have a free and friendly conversation.
The military salute was accordingly given
and by him, in a seeming manner, return
ed. My connection with the army was
stated accompanied by a reqnestthat leav
ing out for the preent Union and Confeder
ate wars and revolutions, we would have a
social chat about VVarrenton and ha condi
tions, pa-t and present. "No objtctions at
all," was his reply, "dismount !v Seated
on trie edge of the side walk inder the
shade of a large elm we bad together a long
and free communion. From this, more
real insight was obtained with respect lo the
actual condition of things the thorough
and entire revolution which has already ta
ken place the breaking up and scattering
of all the old elements ot Southern society,
than could otherwise have been gained by
long personal observation.
My first question was about the Cliurches.
"We bad," he said, pointing to the build
ing of each as named, "Presbyterian, Bap
tist, Methodist, Episcopal and Catholic, all
respectable congregations. All preaching
stopped many months ago the ministers
are starved out and gone; the congrega
tions whollj scattered, and the houses of
worship taken tor hospitals, guard houses or ,
barracks."
"How do the remaining inhabitants con
tinue to live how do they obtain food or
anything with which to buy 1" "Look,"
he continued, "at 'the different classes of.
houses As yoo observe nearly every good i
house is inhabited the wife, children,
family are here ; but the men are gone into
thfk Pnn fflH rata armv in mnmm inau r, n 1
necled with the government, or fled away
at yonr approach very many never to re
turn for many are already dead .
' The inferior honses and negro quarters
are nearly all empty. There is not a 6tore,
grocery, mechanic-shop, or any place of bu
siness open in and around Warrenlon. The
store-keepers, mechanics and laborers bad
their business all broken up by the war;1
and are driven away, tbe men into the
Southern army, and their families, tbe Lord
knows where, I do not. As to the negroes,
yon know perhaps better where they are
gone than I could tell you. This better
class of families, the remnants of which
are still here, nearly every one owns or did
own a farm in ihe adjacent country. From
those they have contrived to live till the
coming of your array a few weeks since;
now, however, every resource seems taken
away. I have a farm," he said, pointing to
a place about a mile distant ; "till lately I
managed to keep a few slaves and do a lit-
lie farming. When your army encamped j
here the last of July, I had four work oxen, '
three colts horses, alt pressed into tbe
Southern army ro many milch cows,;
sheep, pigs, and poeltry, with forty acres
of corn coming into ear ; now there is not
a slave, a domestic animal, a fowl, or an
ear of corn left all taken by your soldiers j
and this is about the condition of all the 1
other families here. So Ion? as the Union :
army remains here we may contrive to
live, but when it is away I have no con
ception how the people who will be left
can obtain food to sustain life during tbe
coming winter." With thanks to my old
secesh friend for our freedom in conversa
tion and hopes expressed for the dawning of
belter times upon him and his, we parted.
In Australia it is summer in January and
winter in July. It is noon there when it is
midnight in Europe. The longest day is in
December. The heat comes from the
North, cold from the South, and it is the
hottest on the mountain tops. The swans
are black, the eagles are white, tbe bees do
not sting and the birds do not sing. Tbe
cherries have no stones, the trees have no
shadow, for their leavts tern edgeways to
the sun, and some quadrupeds bare a
beak ana lay eggs 1
A Jealocs.Blunder A laughable inci
dent is related of a jealous weman at Lew
iston, Maine, who went into an auction
room the other day, and saw (as she sup
posed) her husband very familiarly sitting
beside a young lady. Stepping np softly,
she seized a head in each ot her hands
and pounded them together a number of
times in great rage. Her surprise may be
imagined when she found that the innocent
stranger was not her "worser half." She
apologized and passed out amid the laugh
ter of ibe'crowd. v
The thoughts of certain women are al
ways fixed on the opposite sex. Even
when they laugh they y "Te kt f
Clioite poetrg
DIDN'T MEAN IT.
Ye, I know I said 1 loved you J
But, then, Tom, 1 didn't mean it
I was joking all the time;
And you surely must have seen it.
But if yoo will not sit -o close,
And behave yourself rigbtwell,
Before you go away to-night,
1 have a secret, Tom, to tell.
Tom, I went walking yesterday
With Mr. Phillip Ashe ;
He ia a splendid dashing fellow,
With a love of a moustache ;
And he walks with sach an air
Tom, 1 wish you coold have seen it,
If I had said that 1 loved him,
Why, perhaps, Tom, I might mean it.
Last Sunday night I went to church
With a delightful creature;
His face is as white as any girl's,
So perfect every feature ;
A nd he can sing and dance and play,
This charming Charley Greenil :
And a girl who said that she loved him,
Why, surely, Tom, most surely mean it.
Tom, don't you know that it is wrong
To fly in such a passion,
And fume, and fret, and flounce about,
In that unchristian fashion ?
Come here, Tom, and behave yourself!
See, here's a seat by me, sir,
I haven't told the secret yet
Come, guess what it can be, sir.
Still pooting, Tom 1 Ah, you are vexed
Wiih all my idle chatter,
Or what can make yoo look so sad 1
Tom, tell me what's the matter I
Well, then, forget my silly talk
Yon know I didn't mean it,
I wai but joking, Tom, ind1,
You surely most have meant it.
Now, Tom, don't squeeze me so tight,
Rut leave a little breath.
So I can tell that secret, Tom,
Before I'm hugged to death.
Darling, I love you as my life !
Ah 1 Tom, you must have seen it ;
See, I am conquered now at las! 1
And, Torn, indeed I mean it !
Tbe Dead 31 art h.
Hush ! the muffled drum and the shrill
mournful nots of the fife, admonish us that
another soldier is being borne'by his com
rades to bis last resting place. There :s
scarcely a day, that one of these solemn
processions does not file slowly by in front
of onr window.
We look upon the sad scene as it for a
moment, arrests the attention either of cu
riosity or respect, of tbe busy and laughing
world. The moment it is gone, it is forgot
ten forerer, and nameless and unknown,
be sleeps well
One of those processions ha just passed.
A plain wooden coffin, in a two hore
wagon, a few manly comrades, are all the
trappings of woe that accompaoy all that is
mortal of some one, who must be as dear
to some poor broken heart, as are tbe
hanshtieBt or proudest of the land.
There in that plain box is all of what
was once the happy, laughing boy upon a
father's knee a father's pride, a mother's
cherished idol. . A cold letter from a
strange hand will bear the heart breakiog
tiding, to the far distant friends. It will
tell them how tbe idol son, how the dear
and loved father, and crudest stab of all,
how the hnsband shot his eyes in clammy
death talking wildly and incoherently to the
last moment, of his absent and loved wife.
How be called in bis wild delirium tbe one
name addressed his companions in the
endearing terms of long agony, names that
had never before escaped his lips, save in
tbe sacred joys of that most sacred relation
in life. Such are the cm thing and blighted
memories nailed down forever in that plain
box, over which the busy and the ihouoht
Ies world have not time even to devote a
passing thought. In that epringless, hard
wagon accompanied only by a few weather
beaten comrades, are being borne to the
rode grave dog in the sand, all these heart
rendering relics Let the brave boy that
has offered up his life as a sacrament for
his wounded country, sleep in peace and
though it be in glory. The'dank and rot
tening weeds of the lonesome forest will
soon obliterate forever all the marks of his
final resting place, but upon a tablet, of
broken hearts will be indellibly inscribed
his troubled life, and its good deeds.
An editor out West gives the following
notice : "Our purse is lost ! The finder
is requested to return it, being careful not
to disturb its contents, which were a brass
role, a piece of leaf tobacco nicely twitted,
the siump of a cigar, and a very good leath
er suing."
That was a rery pretty conceit of a ro
mantic husband and father whose name
was Rose, who named his daughter 'Wild,'
so that she grew np under the appellation
'Wild Rose.' But tbe romance of the
name was sadly spoiled in a few years, for
she married a man by the name of 'Bull.'
A Yankee editor who has been drafted,
thus lets himself out :
Wby should we mourn conscripted friends,
Or quake at Drafts alarms ?
"Tis bnt the voice that Abraham sends
To make us shoulder arms."
The last dodge of the conscript deserters
is to don a Confederate uniform and come
into camp as deserters. Tbey are then sent
to Washington, take tbe oath ot allegiance,
and are forwarded to the North. Seven
were caught al this game last week.
Every man who cheats, or slanders, or
steals, adds to the aggregate guilt ol the na
. CAPT. SWIPES 031 THE DRiFT.
Ma. Editob -.-Things is in a muddle. Gov
ernment's got demoralized and gone into
the lottery business like a gay old gamboi
ter. The governmeul wheel's worse than
roulefe, for in that you can see tbe ball
spin round, and yon stan' a chance of doub
lin' yours ; but in Capt. Stanton's wheel
you stan' two chances of losin' to none at
winnin.' In fact for a poor epecyulashnn,
it beets anything sens the dase of Joshua,
and I'm down onto it. I've no particular
objecksbun to a square game, where you
git a site for your money, but to back again
government whether you want or not, with
nary a chance at all except of lusin 3 hun
dred, aint exactly what I've been bfot up
to consider the bite of morality. To my
mind government might be in better busi
ness. Besides its immoral pints, this govern
ment gamboilering is a onhealthy busioess.
It sort o' pisons the atmusfere, and brings
on all sorts of diseases. The folks aronnd
here yused to be tolerably saloobrious.
Now they ain't. Three years ago you
couldn't find a man in ihe town that wasn't
a magnos Apollo. Now they ain't none of
that sort left, unless he's tome poor cos
which hain't got no frens and no 3 hun
dred lor nothin.' Sum has tubcrcnls,
(which is things like potatera, growin'
onto their lungs ; sum has rery coarse
ranes ; and the rest ain't rery well general
ly. An' all in consekwins of government's
coin' into the lottery rerfesshun. Yon see
tain't good for body or soul, an' it shouldn't
ought to be conttnered.
What makes me speeshully down into
the institushin, is that I'm won of ita vic
tims. The wheel has gone and done it,
and I, which baio'l even plaid even op for
the drinks, (a part from principle and a part
Irom interest,) mor'n a year, am beat out i
of three 100 by a gamein which they
wouldn't eren let me hold a hand.
Yes, sir, they have grafted me into the
army, I believe that's what they call it,
when they call on a feller for the soap, bet
which is only a peace of sarkasam, for the
army ain't nothin' parttcler lo do with it as
I can see.
When I was drafted I felt different about
it. I thought then tbat they wanted more
soldiers. The Adminisirashun papers sed
so; they sed it was men the government
wanted, not money: and when anybody
proposed to rase 3 hundred for every graft
ed man so't he corlt! go or stay jest as he'd
a mind to, they said he was a copperhead
and a rebuel sympathiser. When I got
the paper with the names of tbe grafted ;
men in our town, I found my own and j-?st j
Iteen others that I trained with among Ihe
Wide Awakes 3 years ago. For a moment I
I felt bad, and kind er thot I'd go an' make)
Uncle Bill over in Canada a short visit, an' '
if I liked the country take off my close an' j
stay a few years. Then I thot to myself
I won't. Here's fifteen ot us valyunt fellers ;
of that regiment which Burt Yan Horn sed
it could march right throu the whole Sooth.
We're the men for the crisis,n now that the ;
backbone of the rebelyun is broken, we'll :
: make the an big rebnels fly to the cat hole.
So I spoke to my wife, aud sez I :
"Wife, I'm goin.' Govment's sent fur
me and I respond. I'm wanted to crush
the rebelyuo and Pro goin' ic to do it. I've
got three weeks to get ready in, and then
I'm of? fur the fast families and intelligent
contrabands."
"Now Ethan," sez she, "You don't say
so! Why, wuat'll me and the children
do r
"O," sez I, "yooll gel on well enuf, I'll
'lot you 10 dollars a month of my pay, and
the town board'll see you don't suffer."
"Town granny !" sex she, "do yoo s'pose
Pm goin' to take help from the town 1 roe
which rome from a good famerly ; I'd as
soon go to the County House to wons."
"Well," sez I, "ten dollars '11 keep yoo
and ihe babies in eatables, and you won't
need many close, for thinkin' that your
husband is a servin' of his country, and a
winnin' of distincshan will warm your bo
som and no mistake. Besides I'll be pro
moted rite along, an' beiore the war is over
I'll be a bold brigadier, and have two rows
of brass buttons on to my cote, and a draw'd
sword in my hand, and git 200 and fifty a
month for picking ray teeth in front of a big
hotel to illustrate tbe strength of the coun
try." 'Ethan'eez she, solemnly, ,:ef you
must go I'll try an bear it, but one thing I
want you to premise, and that is that you
won't go to bein' a brigadier on no account
1 know the pay's good, bat what's that com'
pared to the associasbun. You're children,
grown' up ; think how they'd feel."
"Well," sez I, "I promise, for 1 think a
good deal of my name, an' it shan't be snl
lied by bein' reported in the list of briga
diers." 1 tho't 1 would quiet her, an' it
did for a minute, but party soon 1 herd a
sound, an' I new somthin' was comin.'
"Boo-boo-hoo I" she remarked an' I
noticed several teers about the size of pig
eon's eggs acoarsin' down her lovely cheek,
I kept st ill, bat she continued repeatin' her
last observashun. At last sez she :
"O, Ethan, tbem rebuela are so careless
how they shoot. What would yoo do ef a
Parrot projectile was to hit you ?" m
"Do !" sez I, majestically, why, repetin'
the immortal words of Patrick Henry, '1
still live," I'd wrap myself into the bar
tangled spanner and die, coosbors that I
bad aided in making some individool ol the
African pcrsoashuo happy !"
"But, Ethan," sez she, "what good
would that do me an' the babies ? D-o-n-t
g-o-o-o !" and off sbe went again.
Sez 1, "wife, you unman me which are"
ready to face death in its terribulest forms,
but which has to cave if you've set in tor a
cry." Then speaking tike a konskript
father. I sed, "rash ga r 1, think of itt
would'st yoa have youf own chosen Ethan
the recreant wtin, when 14 other vafynot
Wide Awakes go whar ptofy Urates 'em,
an' whar It has been watin' of 'em mor'n 2
years V
"Who air them 4teen !' sez te.
I red their names. .
"Much they'll go," sez she, an' me tho!
lhar was a tuch of sarkasam Into her dulcet
tones Mef yoa don't go till they do, I'll put
off mv err till after hnskin"
Sez I, "Damsel, lho mistakest. We re
port on the 5th.
"I don't care when you report," sed she,
"I only want you to agree not to go till half
tbem other fellers do, an' I'm satisfied."
I agreed to it an' she began to laff rite off,
sed the draft in a famerly wan't so bad as
the measels, an' perpetrated various other
wiMycisms which, in view of ray early de
parture seemed out of place as 1 reminded
her. She professed not to see it, and her
visual ofgins was about correct as yoa will
see in my next for this letter's about as
long as you'll care about at wun time.
Your fellow soldyure,
ETHAN SWIPES.
Am ExpLOsrvE Joee. The steamer S.,
commanded by Captain S , exploded sever
al years ago, with terrible effect, and burned
to the waters edge. Captain S. was blown
J into the air, alighted near a floating cotton
Dale, upon which he floated crinjured, but
much blackened and mudded. Arrived
at a village several miles below, to which
news of the disaster had preceded him, he
was accosted by the editor of the village
paper, with whom be was well acquainted.
nd r an :
l say, boy, is the S. blown up V
"Yes."
"Was Captain S. killed!'
"No, I am Captain S."
The thunder you ate ? How high were)
yoa blown I"
"High enough to think of every mean
thing I erer did in my life before 1 came
down here."
The ed:tor started off on a run for his
office ; the paper was about going to press.
; and not wishing to omit tbe item of intelli
gence for the next issue,two weeks of,wrote
as follows :
"The steamer S. has burst her boiler, as
j we learn from Captain S., who says he waa
p long enough to think of every mean
thing he ever did in his-life before he tit.
'e .suppose he ;was up apout three
months."
. . . . .
Majestt or the Law. Frederick the
Great, a centurr ago, wished to enlarge his
possession and bis palace. A certain mill
obscured the view, and he offered the
Prusian owner a fair price for it. He refuse
ed to sell ii because it was a paternal estate,
Frederick then ordered the mill torn down,
which was done. The miller stood calmly
by saying, that he would abide by the law.
; He most obey his sovereign, but the law
did not cam pel him to sell till he chose
He appealed to the courts and the courts
decided that Frederick should rebuild the
mill. This he cheerfully did, thanking God
thai he had a court not influenced by imper
ial fea' of favor. Twenty years ago the
present owner of the mill became involved
and offered to se!l it to Frederich William,
the successor of Frederick the Great. The
sovereign refused to buy, but freely gave
him $6,000, saying that tbe mill must stand
as a triumph of law ; and Pru"sia stands to
day a constant monument of the majesty of
law. It is beneath the dignity even of an
emperor lo be submissive lo law.
"Rats," "Mice," ano Watertalls.'
Most of our lady readers know what the
cushions over which ladies' hair is dressed
a la mode, are called "rats," from some fan
cied resemblance. Tbe names "mice,"
and "cats," are given to the smaller and
larger cushions ; while the hair is dressed
in fantastic forms called "bows," "watier
falls," ' butterflies" etc A dashing Phil
adelphia belle, leaving an order for a hair
dresser to attend at ber residence, added,
"Bring two rats, four mice, a cat, and a.
waterfall" "Poor young thing," said &
smooth haired Quaker matron, who heard;
the order, l'Ae"i lost her mind."
A Content Man. A druggest was
aroused by the ringing of his night bell,
went down stairs, and had to serve a cus
tomer with a dose of salts. On his return
his wife grumbled oat, "what profit did yoa
get on that penny ?'' "A ha'penny," re
plied the assiduous druggist. "And for
that ha'penny jou will keep both of oa
awake lor a long time," rejoined the wif.
"Never mind," added the placid droggist,
"the dose of -salts will keep him awake,
much longer ; let us thank Haven that we
have the profits and not tha pain cf the
imnsacUoo." Happihess. To plunge a young lady six
fathoms deep in happiness, give her two
canary birds, a half-a dozen beams, twelve
yards of silk, an ice-cream, several rose-
bods, a squeeze of tbe hand, and the prom
ise of a new bonnet. If she don't melt, it
will be because she can't.
A violent Republican in Hartford met a
Democratic coal dealer on the street, and
asked the price. "I suppose your coal ta
loyal y enquired the radical "W1I it'a
Black enough ii that's what yoo mtaa,
rejoined the utbsj.
t A