The star of the north. (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, November 14, 1860, Image 1

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U . II. JACOBT, Proprietor.
Truth and Right God and our Country.
Two Dollars per An nam.
Office on Main St., Td Square below Market,
TERMS: Two Dollars per annum if paid
"within fix months from the tim of subscri
bing : two dollars and fifty cents it not paid
within the year. No subscription taken for
less period than six months; no discon
tinuances permitted until all arrearages are
paid, unless at the option oT the editor.
The terms of advertising vcill be as follows :
One square, twelve lines, three times, SI 00
Every subsequent insertion, ...... 25
One square, three months, 3 no
One year, . . . 8 HO
Timo'.heus Jeems Augustus Brown
Took cold into his head,
And sneezed from morn till night, until
He wished that he was dead.
Tl! take my worthless life," said he,
And took his razor down ;
Cut then he changed his mind, and thought
Twould easier be to drowu.
He walked unto the watet's edge,
Loud sneezing a he went ;
But staid to pay hi prayers, until
His courage ail was apeut.
And then he thought of other plans
To cut his thread of life ;
And wondered whichleast painful was,
Th? halter or the knife.
At length, in sheer despair, he strolled
To where Sue Jen kin dwelt,
And. sneezing hi apologies,
Before her lace he kuelt.
He told her he was tired of life,
And knew not what to do,
If he would not consent to be.
His dearly-loved a-tchoo !
She did consent, though modestly,
And soon became his bride ;
Vet still he swear that he will end
His lite by Svey's tile !
The acw-Yorfc Pickpockets.
With pickpockets, highway robbers, bur
C'ars, theirerf,, shoulder-hitters and politi- '
cians, New York city, is cursed to a greater
extent than any other city on this continent.
Exrfpting the shoulder hitter and politi
cians, there is no class w numerous as the
pickpockets. Old men and women, spruce
young boys and blooning girls, are num
bered on the ranks of the protession. They
are met at a! pcinis, in all sorts of costume
nd at the roost unexpected time and place
always hariug an eye to business, yet ex
ceedingly wary. It requires great skill, we
had almost said pen ins. to become an ex-
pert and successful pickpocket. One who
is never at a loss for an expedient, never
foses his self-possession, and who generally
ets what he is after, has only acquired his
kill and dexterity by many years of hard
study human nature, an immense amount
of practice, and probably many month's im-,
prisonment. Pickpockets are a distinct'
class ot thieves, and associate as little with
burglars and other depredators as would a
Jry-goods merchant-prince with a retail
dealer in hardware. A skillful pickpocket
excites the greatest admiration amonii his
Jets lorfunate companions, and is looked np
to-wlth as much reverence as is a man in
respectable society who ha thousands of
dollars at his finders ends. He fully ap
preciates his position, and with an air of
ihe greatest condescension accepts from
his fellow-thieves those little offerings of
brandy punches and cigars which they so
freely offer at his shrine ot dexterity and
, The modes of obtaining the objects of
their ambition generally "pocket-book or
gold watch" are as numerous as the vari
ous classes of pickpockets. They all par
ticularly delight in a crowd. Let a few
thousand people congregate in the street, or
in some place of amusement, and there you
will find the pickpocket in his glory. Take
street crowd for instance. Two or three
of the light-fingered gentry are there, woik
Ing together. They select their victim, aid
immediately seize every opportunity to hus
tle and jostle him. Suddenly one is crash
ed np against him, at which both begin to
wear furionsly, the victim striving to get
away? and the pickpocket crowding still
harder, till he succeeds in getting his hands
away from his pocket. In an instant a dex
terous confederate slily slip his fingers into
the victim's pocket, and they seldom come
oat again without the coveted wallet.
Meanwhile the plucked pigeon is so much
Absorbed in crowding', hustling and swear
ing, that he has no suspicion of the transfer
that is being made .At all places of amuse
irtent, or where any sort of tickets are nold
that will create a rush, there loot out for
your pockets. You want to buy a ticket,
fcave taken out your wallet to gel the neces
sary money, and returned it to your pocket.
A professional has witnessed the operation,
iand is instantly by your side crowding and
jamrriingas ferocious'y as yourself toward
ihe little hole where tho tickets are passed.
Yon pass in your money and detr-acd a
ticket he does ike same, striving to get
ahead of yon -yoa become anxious," and
your hand and his gel into strife for the
ovetetl ticket, and meanrhi! lh ther
hand is exploring the recesses ol your pock
et By Uie time you get cut of the crowd
your wallet and your pertinacious . friend
.hava both disappeared. Pickpockets gea
ra!Iy.wor!c in schools of two to six, jus t as
the ftxigsncios of the cases may require.
Ihe rst object to be ob'ained, is to divert
theii: victim's attention from h!s pocket, and
the next thirg i to inJuca him, by tone
! '1!,
hi hat off, when, up go both hands, and
out goes his wallet or his watch.
In stealing watches, the guard chain
forms quite an obstacle provided it be se
curely fastened. The most frequent way of
overcoming this difficulty is to perform the
operation called -'ringing it." That is, the
watch is cautiously lilted from the pocket
and by dexterous movement of the thumb
ami forefinger the ring to which the chain
in attached is twisted from the watch, and
left dangling from the victim's vest, while
the watch has been passed from one hand
to another, till it may be several blocks
away before it is missed. In buying watch
er, it may be a good thing to know that
when the guard chain is riveted to the
watch, instead of being merely sprung to
gether, a pickpocket stands little chance of
getting it away, unless he cuts the guard.
The most expert pickpockets those at
the head of the profession are rather in
clined to avoid New York, as the Detective
Police have become , too thoroughly ac
quainted .with them and their modes of op
eration. They accordingly turn their at
tention to traveling and 'working' railroad
cars, steamboats, and the inland cities,
which they visit on their route. Two or
three generally travel together, and take ad
vantage of every crowd to practice their
arts upon unwary strangers. After a suc
cessful tonr they return to New York to
spend their ill-gotten gains in gambling and
riotous living. It is not an unusual thing
for an expert to start from New York with
scarcely any funds, travel directly through
Nw Orleans, or some of the Western cities,
and immediately return with sufficient
money to enable him to live in idleness for
several months. This leaves in the city
few besides the comparative novices, the
women, and the "kids," or juvenile pick
pocKets. These are particularly afraid of
the Detectives, and will seldom atiempt a
job when they know them to be near.
It frequently happens that at places of
amusement a thief will present himself to a
Detective who may be there, and beg to be
allowed to go inside. He promises faithful
r not to "work" the andience, and if the
Detective w'uhes, he will wait till all the
people are out of the building before taking j
his departure. If the officer grants him j
permission, the thief pays his money, goes i
inside, and seats himself in an obscure cor-
ner, from whence he watches the perform- J
anre with pleasure. He always keeps his!
promise faithfully, for he knows that if any ';
one of the audience is robbed, the Detect- i
ives will be sure to arrest him immediately.
An "ounce of prevention is worth a pound
of enre," so it often happens that the ap
pearance of a Detective in a crowd does
more to prevent crime than all the heavy
penalties ever inflicted by Judge Russel.
The liiiht-fingered gentry always keep
well advised of alt public gatherings and ;
their first inquiry is what "coppers" (po- j
licemen) will be there i Being satisfied on j
thi point, they know whether or not it is J
worth while to attend, and act accordingly. I
Nearly all of them dress well and some of
them being of agreeable manners and cheer
fnl conversation, it is not difficult for them
to form the acquaintance of a stranger, and
eiiaage his attention, while a confederate
picks his pockets. Many of the second or
third rate pickpockets make it almost their
exclusive business to keep the track of the
city cars and stages. While passengers are
hurriedly getting in and cut, it requires but
little dexterity to relieve them of some val
uable article. A car crowded full of mixed
people, where it is almost impossible to stir
one way or another, affords them a most
favorable opportunity for orowdina and
hauling, and robbing their selected victim.
Thb Number or Languages The least
learned are aware that there are many lan
guages in the world, but the actual number
is probably beyond the dreams of ordinary
people. The geographer, Babi, enumera
ted eight hundred and sixty, which are en
tilled to be considered as distinct languages,
and five thonsand which may be regarded as
diafects. Adelung, another modern writer
on this subject, reckons up three thousand
and sixty four languages and dialects exist
ing, and which have existed. Even after
we have allowed either of these as the
number of languages, we must acknowl
edge the existence of almost infinite minor
diversities ; for almost every province has
a tongue more or less peculiar, and this we
may well believe to be the case throughout
world at large, tt is said that there are lit
tle islands, lying close together in the South
Sea, the inhabitants of which do not know
each other. Of the eight hundred and sixty
distinct languages enumerated by Babi,
fifty-tbree belong to Europe, one hundred
and fourteen lo Africa, and one hundred
and seventeen to America, one hundred
seventeen to Occanica, by which term he
distinguishes the vatt number of islands
stretching between Hindostan and South
America. ; . . -
A rriLOw was doubling whether or not
he should volunteer ? to fight. One of the
flags, waving before his eyes, bearing the
inscription, "Victory or Death," somewhat
troubled and discouraged him. "Yictory is
jt very good thing," said, hej "bat why pat
it Victory or Death 5 Just put it Victory ox
Crippled, and 111 go that I" '
Lost a brindle pap belonging V Patrick
Lore Conquers all Things.
Long story, but must make it short. No
room for love while politics rule. Got the
particulars from individual who had it all
by heart.
Young man of the name of William.
Young lady of the name of Belinda. lived
in same neighborhood, near a neighboring
town. Young man good looking, but not
rich plenty of poor kin, but no money.
Yonng lady's beauty not likely to be the
death of her ; but grandma went under year
ago. and left her pile of ten cent pieces
large as a pound of wool. Young lady des
perately in love with young man, and
young man desperately in love with young
lady. Young man wouldn't let conceal
ment, ''like none of your demmed worms,"
feed on his cheek ; told his love 'emijitly.'
Young lady acknowledged the corn 'thine,
forever thine, dearest William 1' and wilted
into young man's arms sweet as you please.
"He held her gentle hand in his,
And pressed her slender form,
And vowed to shield her from the blast,
And from the world's cold storm.
And then phe raised her eyes to his,
And filled with drops of woe,
And in the tenderest accents cried,
Oh, quit don't hug me so I' "
Such is life and love. Young lady told
young man to interrogate old folks. Young
man did. Old folks said, "not if thej could
help it.' Young lady broken-hearted quit
combing her hair took off hoops wore
shoes slipshod, and wanted to "find relief
in the silent tomb." Young man met young
lady by moonlight alone, wanted to throw
bundle of clothes out back window, climb
down rope ladder "in'.o these arms," and
fly to the squire and happiness. ''I may
die I know I shall die, William but nev
er, never, will wed thee, dearest one, with
out consent of Ma and Pa." Young man
pleads like angel trnmpet-tonged. Young
lady stubborn and dutiful. Young man
tries the indignant upbraids young lady
He did not think to find so cold
A heart he deemed so trne.
A heart like Ait would yieh
If love like his should woe
and talks of pistols and prnic acid Yonnj
lady dissolves in tars. "O ! William, leave
me, quit my sight forever, but take me along
with you !" Young man happy as nigger
at corn shncking, and tells young lady to
look ont Saturday night and don't be scared
if she sees ladder roked in back window
"your William will be at 'tolher end."
Young lady thinks she's gone to far, and
says better wait till she's her own 'mistress'
only five years. Younj; man says "five
years be denied." Was coming Saturday
night with ladder if his heart's idol would
fly from parental tyranny, and happy with
him and let him be happy with her, well
and good ; if not, disappointment shouldn't
feed on his vitals long a pistol would fix
things qnick enongh. Yonng lady all tears
again. " Cruel, cruel man earry me to
the ends of the yearth ; I don't care where,
just so as yon carry me."
Satnrday night young lady shut np "sav
agerous dog" in smokehouse, and goes up
stairs. Young man carries ladder two
miles ; puts ladder up to window and whis
pers "Belindy !" very loud. Belindy dosen't
hear; but dog does, and cuts np among
meat barrels terribly. Old lady wakes up.
Tells old man "somebody's trying to break
in." Old man gets np. takes down double
barrel gun, opens door easy, slips around
smokehouse and lets dog ont. Dog pitches
around, and trees young man and young
lady up ladder. Old man smells large rat
trap lull of mice, and dodges behind tree
Young people reach the ground, yonng la
day having drove dog off. "Oh !" William,
I am afraid." "Afraid, dearest ! and of what?
Is not thine own William hereto protect ."
Old man lets off one barrel off gun ; young
man disappears over fence, leaving coat
tail in possession of dog, and young lady
screams and faints in old man's arms.
Young lady sent off next day to Kentucky,
and young man soon starts for Texas in a
Yonng lady been two weeks at small
town in Kentucky telegraphic dispatch
one night Pa quite sick, see if company
can be had at hotel, and come home at once.
Young lady sends to hotel to know is any
body going to , in Tennessee. Yes;
genteel young man going right straigkt to
that very place. Early next morning stage
takes up young lady, and goes round to
hotel for young man. Young man gets in.
"William !" "Belindy ! hush, don't say a
word !" " How is Pa!" "In first-rate
health." "That dispatch!" "Had ;it sent
myself." "Wretch! where are yoa going
to take me !" To the parson's."
Happy couple at hotel here last week.
Telegraphed old man all about it. Old man
comes down next day with all necessary
feelings and arrangements to take young
lady home a premature widow. But doesn't
doit. Young son-in law, gentlemanly and
polite loved daughter so well conldn'thelp
it. Young lady all tears again, with equal
proportion of sobs. "Kill me if you will,
my father, but spare William." Old man's
feelings go down several pegs. Thinks it
no nse to cut op over spilt milk "get your
hats arid bonnets ' and let's go home."
Youhg couple happy as infants with fingers
stuck full of molasses and feathers,fly round
after baggage ; old roan pays hotel bill, and
all leave town together.. . , . ' r 11
"Didst than bat know the inly touch oftove,
Thou wouldst as soon go kindle fire with
The Quaker's Kevenge.
Obadiah Lawson and Watt Dood were
neighbors ; that is, they lived within halt a
mile of each other, and no person lived be
tween their respective farms, which would
have joined had not a little strip of prairie
land extended itself sufficiently to" keep
them separated. Dood was the oldest set
tler, and from his youth up had entertained
a singular hatred against Quakers ; there
fore, when he was informed that Lawson, a
regular discipje of ihat class of people, had
purchased the next farm to his, he declared
he would make him glad to move away
again. Accordingly, a system of p-tty an
noyances was commenced by him, and
every lime one of L&wson's hogs chanced
to siray upon j Dood's place, he was beset
by men and dogs, and most severely abused.
Things progressed thus for nearly a year,
and the Quaker, a man of decided peace
principles, appeared in no way to resent
the injuries received at the hands ot his
spiteful neighbor. But matters were draw
ing to a crises, for Dood, more enraged
than ever at the quiet of Obadiah, made
oath that he would do something before
long to wake up the spunk of Lawson.
Chance favored his design. The Quaker
had a hih-blooded horse, or filly, accord
ing to the western mode of speaking, which
he had been very careful in raising, and
which was just four years old. Lawson
took great pride in this animal, and haU re
fused a large sum of money for her.
One evening, a little after sundown, as
Watt Dood was passing around his corn
field, he discovered the filly feeding in the
little strip of prairie land that separated the
two farms and he conceived the hellish
design of throwing offtwo or three rails of
his fence, that the horse might get into the
corn during the night. He did so, and the
next morning, bright and early, he shoul
dered his rifle and left the house. Not long
after his absence, a hired man whom he
had jecently employed heard the echo ot
his gun, and in a few minutes Dood, con
siderably excited and out of breath, came
hurrying to the house, when he stated that
he had shot at and wounded a buck that
the deer had attacked him, and he hardly
escaped with his life.
The story was creditec? by all but the
newly employed hand, who had taken a
dislike to Watt, and, from his manner, sus
pected that something was wrong. He
therefore, slipped quietly away from the
house, and going through the field in the
direction of the shot, he suddenly came
upon Lawson 's filly, stretched upon the
earth, with a bullet hole through the head,
from which the warm blood was still ooz
ing. The animal was warm, and could not
have been killed an hour. He hastened
back to the dwelling of Dood, who met him
in the yard, and demanded, somewhat
roughly, where he had been.
"I:ve been to see if your bullet made
sure work ot Mr. Lawson's filly," was the
instant retort.
Watt paled for a moment, but collecting
himself, he fiercely shouted :
"Do you dare to say I killed her!"
"How do you know 6he is dead?" re
plied the man.
Dood bit his lip, hesitated a moment, and
then turnins, walked into the house.
A couple of days passed by, and the
morning of the third one had broken as the
hired man met friend Lawson, riding in
search of his filly. No threat of recrimina
tion escaped him ; he did not even go to
law to recover damages, but calmly awaited
his plan and hour of revenge. It came at
Watt Dood had a Durham heifer, for
whicn he had paid a heavy price, and upon
which he counted to make great gains.
One morning just as Obediah was sitting
down, his eldest son came in with the in
formation that neighbor Dood's heifer had
broken down the fence, entered the yard,
and after eating most of the cabbages, had
trampled the well made beds and the
vegetables they contained, out of all shape
a mischief impossible to repair "
"And what did thee do with her, Jacob?"
quickly asked Obediah.
"I put her in the farm yard."
"Did thee beat her?"
"I never struck her a blow."
"Right, Jacob, right; sit down to thy
breakfast, and when done eating I will
attend to the heifer."
Shortly after he had finished his repast,
Lawson mounted a horse and rode over to
Dood's who was sitting under the porch in
front of the house and who, as he beheld
the Quaker dismount, supposed he was
coming to demand pay for his filly, and
ecretly swore he would have to go to law
for it if he did get pay.
"Good morning, neighbor Dood ; how is
the family!" exclaimed Obadiah as he
mounted the steps and seated himself in a
"I have a small affair to settle with thee
this morning, and I came rather early."
"So I supposed," growled Watt.
"This morning my son found thy Derham
heifer in my garden, where 6be destroyed
a good deal."
"And what did yon do with her!" de
manded Dood, his brow'darkening.
"What would thee have dona with her,
had she been my heifer in thy garden?"
asked Obadiah.
"I'd shot her," retorted Watt, madly, "as
I suppose yoa have done ; but we are only
heifer's back. She is in my farm yard ; not
even a blow has been struck her ; shtt is
where thee can get her at any time. I
know thee shot my filly, but the evil one
prompted thee to do it, and I lay no evil in
my heart against my neighbors. I came to
ten tnee whero thy neiler is, and I'll go
Obadiah rose from his chair, and was
about to descend from the steps, when he
was stopped by Watt, who has-ily asked :
"What was your filly worth ?"
"A hundred dollars is what I asked for
her," replied Obadiah.
"Wait a moment;" and Dood rnshed in
to the house, from whence he soon re
turned, holding some gold in his hand :
"Here's the price of your filly; and here
after let there be pleasantness between us."
Obadiah mounted his hore and rode
home with a lighter heart, and from that
da' to this, Dood has been as good a
neighbor as any one could wish to have
being completely reformed by the returning
good for evil.
Docsticks on Billiards.
M. Berger, the celebrated French player,
(says the Sunday Mercury,) who is as much
the King of the Billiard Table as Paul
Morphy is Emperor of the Chess' Board,
has lately arrived in this country, and is
now in New York, as the guest of Mr.
Michael Phelan. His wonderful playing
has been the theme of the daily papers for
several days, but we think none of the re
porters of the dailies are quite equal to the
task of describing the miraculous shots of
the rotund Frenchman, and we have pre
vailed on our friend, Doeticks, to give us
his impressions, as follows:
"1 need hardly tell you that the game of
billiards consists in punching ivory baMs
I about on a big table covered with nreen
cloth, that looks like half an acre of
meadow land, with an india rubber fence
around it ; that the balls are punched with
long wooden ramrods, with wax on the end
to save the wood, and leather put on to
save the wax, and chalk put on to keep the
leather from wearing out. You take your
lamrod and rub some chalk on the little
end ; then you lean over the table ; then
you squint ; then you lift up your !eg ; then
you fiddle a little on your left hand with
your ramrod ; then you punch your ball.
If your ball runs against the other man's
ball, you've done a big thinr, and you poke
up a lot of buttons that re strung on a wire.
This is all there is of the game of billiards.
Anybody can punch billiardi I can, and
rnaybe you could.
"Well, Berger has come, the great French
puncher; and of course I've been to see
him punch a few billiards with Phelan.
Phelar. is a pretty fair puncher himself, but
he can't punch so fast a Berger ; in fact B
has to give P. a hundred buttons or so in
every game. I've often played with Phe
lan myself, but he always beats me: he
has a private understanding with the man
that pokes the buttons. When Phelan
punches the balls, the man pokes buttons ;
when I punch the balls, nary button will
the man poke. So Phelan goes out ; but
my game is a little the bet ; in fact, I've
challenged Phelan to play me a thonsand
buttons for a lot of money, and I've offered
to keep the game myself so as to be sure all
is fair. Phelan's conspiracy with the men
who poke the buttons is a disgraceful thin::;
it discourages young men, and makes them
think they can't punch billiards as well as
Phelan can. I'm bound to break it up.
But Berger has out generaled Phelan. Ber
ger has, bought over all of Phelan's button
pokers pays 'em more money than Phelan
did, and know ihey give Berger all the
"Ha! ha: Big thing on Michael !
"Well, on Friday, Berger was going to
do some punching, and there was 1 in the
midst. Berger is a big fat man ; the top of
his head is as bald as a goose-eg2, and he
has got a stomach as big as a three foot
celestial globe in fact, he is shaped just
like a billiard ball, and might be used for
one, if you'd take his boots off and tie his
heels to the back of his neck only I don't
want him to carom on me !
"He brought all his own tools with him
from France a table that isn't so long by a
few feet as Phelan generally makes his a
lot of balls and ramrods, and everything.
Room was full, all anxious to see the
Frenchman punch; and the Frenchman
punched, and pretty good punching it was.
He made the balls hop all over the table,
and generally had four in the air at once.
Neil Bryant was there, and Neil is a pretty
good judse of billiard punching. I did my
favorite shot with great success jnmppd
my ball off the table, caromed on Neil
Bryant, and holed it in a spittoon.
"Phelan said it was a big thing, so did
Neil. Berger rolled himself round to the
corner of the table, chalked his ramrod, and
executed a fancy lick. He made his ball
run three times round the table, on the edge
f the cushion, leap off at a sharp angle,
carom on Neil Bryant, come back to the
table, take eighteen cushions, and stop ex
actly on the centre spot.
"Phelan had a try. He did one of the
simple shots that I taught him the one
when the cue-ball takes twenty-one cush
ions, knocks the hats off three Dutchmen in
the corner, comes back, and stops inside the
string. Berger didn't think much of that;
so he took off his coat, rolled np his -Jeeves,
and put in a tremendous lick ; the ball hit
Phelan on the middle vest-bntton, caromed
and took a cushion, caromed on Neil Bry
ant, took two cushions, went twice round
the block, took a cushion, went out through
another window, and came in through the
sky-light, took four cushions, and caromed
on Neil Bryant, and all in four Winutes,
without stopping for breath or sweating a
"All hands were occupied for forty rnin
ntes in reviving Phelan, who had fainted
from envy.
"Berger then made his grand shot he
put such a tremendous twist on his ball that
it took every cushion on every table in the
room, caromed on Neil Bryant, dodged out
of the window, traveled once or twice np j
...... D.nnilmnit r. r, I n ( ft m o 1 i r T t
dull UUWil 11 Ulll V, (1 Y , llll U PJIMUVIH-
gallery, rang the bell nine times in rapid
buccession, and came back to the table,
previously executing two brilliant caroms
on Neil Bryant.
"This concluded tho show, as I supposed,
but as I got to the corner of Broadway and
Uroorne street, 1 caught sight of Neil Bryant
rushing round the corner, closely pursued
by the two billiard balls, from which I sup
pose Berger must have done another fancy
shot or '.wo after 1 left.
"But Phelan's conspiracy with the billiard-markers
all over the country is out
rageous. He has every one of them so far
under his control, that there isn't a place in
the United States where, when I play bil
liards with Michael Phelan, the marker
doesn't count more for him than for me.
"Indignantly yours, Doksticks, P. B."
Ilood's Practical Jokes.
As fond of practical jokes as even Theo
dore Hood himself, Tom Hood was often
caught in his own net, but usually gave a
q'tid pro qio. His daughter thus chronicles
one :
' On another occasion two or three friends
came down for a day's shooting, and, as
they often did, in the evening rowed out
into the middle of the lake in an old punt.
They were full of spirits, and had played off
one or two practical jokes on their host, till
on getting out of the boat, leaving him last,
one of them gave it a push, anil out went
my father into the water. Fortunately, it
was the landing place, and the water was
not deep, but he was wet through. It was
playing with eded tools to venture on such
tricks with him, and he quietly determined
to turn the tables. Accordingly he present
ly began to complain of cramps and stitches,
and at last went in doors. His friends get
ling rather ashamed of their rough fur., per
suaded him to go to bed, which he imme
diately did. His groans and complaints in
creased so alarmingly that they were almost
at their wit's ends what to do. My mother
had received a quiet hint, and was therefore
not alarmed, though much amused at the
terrified efforts and prescriptions of the re- ;
pentent jokers. There was no doctor to be
had for miles, and all sorts of queer reme
dies were suggested and administered, my
father shaking with laughing, while they
supposed he had got the ague or fover.
One rushed up with a tea-kettle of boiling
water hanging on his arm, another tottered
under a tin bath, and a third brought the
"My father at length, a well as he could
speak, gave out in a sepulchral voice that
he was sure he was dying, and detailed
some most absurd directions for his will,
which they were all too frightened to see
the fun of. At last he could stand it no
longer, and, after hearing the penitent
offenders beg him to forgive them for their
unfortunate joke, and beseech him to be
lieve in their remore, he burst into a per
fect shout of laughing, which they thought
at first was delirious frenzy, but which
ultimately betrayed the joke."
Another of his jokes on his wife, as
recorded by herself, in a letter to England,
is capital. zne says :
"I must now tell you my story about the I
Christmas pudding. The Lieutenant was
with us on Christmas day, and enjoyed my
plum pudding so much that I promised to
make one for him. Hood threatened to j
play some tricks with it either to pop in I
bullets or tenpenny nails ; and I watched i
over my work with great vigilance, so that
it was put in to boil without any misfor
tune. "I went to bed early, telling Gradie to
put it, when done, into the drawing room
till the morning. Hood was writing, and
says, it was put down smoking under his
very nose, and the mischipf was irresistible.
I had bought a groschen's worth of new
white wooden skewers that very morning
He cut them a little shorter than the pud
ding's diameter, and poked them in across
and in all directions, so neatly, that I never
perceived any sign of them when I packed
and sealed it up next day for De Franck's
man to carry over to Ehrenbrerstein. He
came to thank me, and praised it highly. I
find that while I was out of the room, Hood"
asked him if it was not well trussed, and he
answered 4 Yes,' so gravely that Hood
thought he meditated some joke in retalia
tion, and was on his guard. At the ball the
trurh came out ; he actually thought it was
some new method of making plum pud
dings, and gave me credit for the wood
work. He had invited two of his brother
officers to lunch upon it, and Hood wanted
to persuade me that the 'Cardinal' officer
had swallowed one of the skewers ! Now,
was not this an abominable trick ?"
Many a true heart that would have come
back like a dove to the aTk, after its first
A Wanunt to Cotton brokers. , ,
A gentleman in Montgomery, Alabama,
is responsible for the following, wh ich wilt
be appreciated by those who handle our
fibrous staple i .
j It may not be g-ernetally known, but to
understand the following scene the reader
must know, that the principal
correspondence in the commercial world is
j carried on in cypher ; and the belter to pre
vent mistakes, the plainest, and, in soma
ca-es, the sweetest sounding words in our
language are used forthns purpose. A few
days ago a dispatch of this sort was receiv
ed at the office of one of our larse cotton
brokers, after business hours, and sent np
home, which it reached before him, and
was duly conned over by his wife. New,
wtj don't winh to cast any insinuations on
female curiosity ; but to a woman a tele
gram is certainly an object of interest. Not
themselves receiving them every day on,
almost trivial subjects as we do, they have
an idea it m always a life or death case.
Thus thought our cotton broker's young
wife : "He has just re.TDd Irom New
York ; vemething is the matter." The en
velope was torn off and her eye glances
over it. Oh I Oh I Oh ! Oh ! scream after
scream, until she faints. In rushes her
mother: "What on earth is the matter,
Charlotte?" "Oh! Oh! OhP The old
lady sees the dispatch and attempts to take
it. But no with that mystery in woman's
nature, which makes her more lovely in
grief, she grasps the fatal writing, and
hides from all, even her mother, her cause
of sorrow. Fainting fit after fit fellow, and
smelling salts and vinegar ate in requisi
tion. About this stage of the proceeding,
in walks Monsieur the Broker, his poor lit
tle wife without a wrd of reproach, hand
ed him the despatch, which was as follows:
"Your darling sick Saint Nicholas ,
send 1,000 true love only Mary.
"New York, September, 60'
On reading which he only latlg'ned, and
with his book of the cypher explained lo
her satisfaction what he meant. The trans
lation of it we have not room to give here,
as each word is an entire sentence. It's
not being signed, and Mary be'rag the last
word, does look, a little criminal to a young
wife whose husband has just returned from.
New York. We have no doabt his dis
patches hereafter will remain inviolable.
The explanation might have satisfied
Charlotte, but for ourselves, we are a little
dubious. It is, to say the least cf it, rather
a singular kind of cypher.
Ihe Blessings of a Rural Life.
Cultivate a love for the ceuntry ; the se
rene joys which a rural life can afford are
far preferable to the noisy, and alas, too
otten vicious gratifications which we seek
amid the whirl of a city life. The city as it
were ties the soul's affections to the earth-
the works and ways of the world in it too
often hide from our vie the fair face of
nature, and lead us to forget the glorious
God who made u, aud to whom we are in
debted for life and health and all things.
Vapid, empty and artificial are tho joys
of a city life when compared with the sacred
delights which a rural residence can give to
a mind rightly constituted. Solitary com
munion with Nature is one of the holiest
delights which the world can" bestow a
delight which is sure to benefit the world
which enjoys it. Purity is enstamped on
Nature's form ; and communion with her is
sure to fill the oul with all that is pure, and
lovely and of good report
In every season of the year a residence id
the country has a beneficial effect upon the
human soul Ir: Spring, when the trees
again put on their singing robes, and mur
mur ionh the praises of Him who made
them. Spring has a tendency to give buoy
ancr to the spirits that heart is callous
J which does not awake and sing when all
things around are beaming with a hope and
In Summer the blushing flowers are ssoti
amid rural retreats, and seem, melhinks,
like stolen glories from Paradise; then the
singing birds trill forth melodies, the purest
and sweetest ever heard on earth, and
vhich ma7 well raise the thoughts away
from this vanishing world of ours to tha
glory land beyond.
In Autumn, the country teaches os wis
dom lessons; the whispers that are heard
when the leaves are falling, seem, me
thinks, sweet echoes from the angel world,
telling that we, too. must soon lade and
vanish like the leaves of the forest, and be
found no more on earth at all.
In Winter, we are led to revere the wis
dom and power ot Him whodoeth all things
well who hath hid the flowers beneath a
snowy mantle to enhance our joy on again
beholding them ; and who sends the storms
to purity the a'mosphere, and the rain to
cause the earth to bring forth its fruit ia
To the thoughtful mind, reflections such
as the-e are suggested by a rural lite, which
should not be decried as listless aid un
pleasant. Communion with Nature caa
give more real joy than man ever found ia
the pursuit of the pleasures of a city life.
Swimming is a passion with the ladies of
Paris and a sensible one, too. Tae P:I
eiaa belles are ail diviug belles.
Considcr, ohl man, the shortness of thy"
life, and "never let the son go down npoa
thy wrath." '