The star of the north. (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, October 31, 1860, Image 1

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Two Dollars per Annua.
W, D. JACOBY, Proprietor.
Truth and Right God and our Country.
HI li; U Jill.
Office on Main St.,!rd Square below Market,
TERMS Two Dollars per annum if paid
within fix months from the time of subscri
bing : two dollars and fifty cents it not paid
within the year. No subscription taken lor
a less period than six months; no discon
tinuances permitted ontil ail arrearages are
paid, unless at the option of the editor.
The terms of advertising will be as follows :
One square, twelve lines, three times, SI 00
Prorv enhspnuent insertion, 2a
One square
"'- a .. 9 tn
tnree moums, -
, . 8 00
One year,
(Original Jioetrrj
They tell me yon are sad, Mary,
Your heart once bright and glad. Mary,
And that your smile has fled, Mary,
Sweet girl you must not weep
If triends have prov'd unkud, Mary,
Or lov'd ones chang'd their mind, Mary,
Cheer up, and not repine, Mary,
But brave each angry steep.
Life is a battle field, Mary.
We conquer or we yield. Maty.
And Christ he is our shield, Mary,
Hit banner leads the van.
Ami we, his soldiers here, Mary,
Should sell his cau-e most dear, Mary,
And all his works ravere, Mary,
Obey each high, command.
When yon were by my side, Mary,
My heart was filled with pride, Mary,
To be another's bride, Mary,
You wandered tar from me
And now when fierce winds moau.Mary,
And all things seek their home, Mary,
1 stray, both sad and lone, Mary,
And often think of thee.
The flower, once pure and sweet, Mary.
Lie scattered at my feet, Mary,
And her I used to meet, Mary,
And told unto my breast;
1 thuifc I see her now, Mary,
Her pure unruffled brow, Mary,
And hear the plighted vow, Mary,
As when her lips I pres'd.
Down by the winding stream. Mary,
And in the meadow green, Mary,
How often did we .cream, Mary,
Fond honr of youthful love ;
The Moon's pale siWer light, Mary,
. Will seem as bright, Mary.
Nor welcome in Ue night, Mary,
Again for us to rove.
1 wan a careless boy, Mary,
And you were all my joy, Mary,
Yet age cannot destroy, Mary,
The love that tir'd me then ;
BotO! it I have erred, Mary,
By one ongarded word, Mary,
. Twas but affection stirred, Mary,
The muse into a flame.
We were both young and wild, Mary,
And love was but a child, Mary,
Is'o wonder when you smiled, Mary,
Vour bosom was my home.
When tortune caused thee bead, Mary,
1 was your any frttnJ, Mary,
All hope i at an end, Mary,
To sorrow 1 am grown.
You were both pure and fair, Mary,
You knew no gnet or care, Mary,
And in-your golden hair, Mary,
1 thought that Angels play'd ;
A parents cruel hand. "Mary,
Unfurled the tresses grand, Mary,
Jsow in another land, Mary,
A stranger s cheek they shade.
Adiew, I most away, Mary,
'Twere useless thus to stray, Mary,
And memory might convey, Mary,
Pact scpnpn too bad to tell.
Weep not when I am gone, Mary,
.Nor breathe that careless song, Mary,
That bowid two hearts as one, Mary, -To
thee, dear girl, rAkEWELi-
Bloomsburg, Columbia county.
From the Journal of an English Police Officer.
There was a 6hrpwd robber somewhere.
The farm-houses were robbed ; shops wore
robbed ; the tills of the bars at the wayside
inns were robbed ; and the people bad
iheir pockets picked. All this happened in
the region of country between Sidney and
Xowstone not a field of vast extent and
yet the robber or robbers could not be found.
Officers had searched in every direction,
.and several suspicious looking individuals
had been apprehended, but the real culprit
still remained at large. One day the mail
was robbed, and on the next a man had his
pocket picket of five hundred pounds, while
jriding on the stage coach for my narrative
.dates back to the old coaching days. The
money had been carried in his breast
pocket, and he knew that it wa3 6tolen from
, Jhira while he was enjoying a bit of a doze
jon the road. ,
I had been confined to roy house by a
severe cold for several days, and was not
iit to go out now; but this matter was be
coming so serious, I felt it my duty to be
on the move, and accordingly, I fortified
my throat and breast with warm flannel,
and set forth. I had no settled plan in my
mini, for I had not yet been upon the reed,
.and was not thoroughly "posted op." A
jide'ef five rails brought roe to Sidney, ;lnd
' (thence I meant to take coach to Lowstone,
where Sara Slickney, one of the shrewdest
.of men lined.";! wished to consult him be
fore jaaiing any decided movement. I
reached Sidney at half-past five in . the
corning, and the coach left at six. Low
stone was sixty miles dislant, so 1 had a good
iride before ms. JDcriagthe early part of
She day 1 rode open the box with the driver,
&nd fcon lata I gained considerable in
tfonnatioa tenciBg.lbaarion jobberies
ihathad been committed. He was forced to
admit thai several people had been robbed
ja his stie. though ha declared! he coul in't
ml the mst remo
We reached Bonniville at noon, where
we stopped to dine, and when we lett this
place I was the only passenger. At the .
distance of twelve miles, at a liille village
it J n .1 . i i 1
caneu awuiorae, we stopped to cnange j
horses, and here another passenger got up.
1 had been occupying the forward seat, as
that happened to be wider than the others, )
and gave me a better opportunity for lying
down; and when the new comer entered
he took the back 'seat." He was a young
man, I judge, and not very tall in stature,
but so completely bundled up -was he in
shawls and mufflers, that his size of frame
was not so easily determined. He was
very pale, and coughed badly ; and I at
once made up my mind that he was lar less
fit to travel than I was. ; After we had fairly
got on our way, I remarked to him that I
had been suffering from a severe cold, nd
that this was the first time I had ventured
out for quite a number ot days, fie looked
at me out of a pair of dark, bright eye ;
and when he seemoKj to have determined
what manner of man I was, he said :
"1 have . something worse than a cold,
sir." He broke into a fit of coughing which
lasted a minute or so. and then added "It
won't be a great while before 1 take my
last ride."
Again he was seized with a spasm of
coughing, and when he had recovered from
it, he continued '"The disease is eating
me up 'and shaking me to pieces a; the
same time."..
He further informed me that he had
started on a tour foi his healthj but i'.at
he had given it up, and was now on Lis
way home, which place he was anxic"s to
reach as soon as possible. Anoihei
roxysm seized him at this point, ant. ,ir
intimated that he was unable to converse,
as the effort brought on his cough I had
noticed this, and had made up ru; mind to
trouble him no more, even before ha had
given me the hint.
After this he drew his outer shal more
closely about his neck and face, and having
secured an easy posture, he closed his eyes,
and I was not long in following his ex
ample. Toward the middle of the after
noon the coach stopped at a small village,
where four passengers get up. This broke
up tne arrangement ot my mend ana sell
for rest, as he had to take one of the
strangers on his seat, while I took another
upon mine, the other two occupying the
middle seat. The new comers broached
the subject of the robberies which had been
committed in that region, and 1 listened to
gain information, if possible ; but they
knew no more than any one else knew.
They had heard all about it, and were in
flated with wonder.
One an old farmer asked me if I knew
anything of the robber I told hitn that I
knew but little ot the affair in any way
having been sick, and if he knew anything
about it. The latter raised his head from :
its reclining position, and was on the point
of answering, when he heard our driver, in j
quick, abrupt tones, ordering some one to
get out of the road. T instinctively put my !
bead out at the window to see what the
trouble was, and my eye was just quick
enough to delect a load of fagots in time to
dodge back and avoid them. The road was '
quite narrow at this point, and as the fagots j
were loaded very widely, it was impossible 1
for the driver to wholly avoid them, and the !
side of the coach was swept by them quite j
smartly. I escaped without being touched, j
but not so with my friend. 1 heard an ex-
planaiion I thought rather a profane one
.roru ins ..p, aim on muting 1IU3 u..n
t.l-.l t . t J . 1L"
t t i . 1 . k: ;
I saw ma. me lagois uaa i-iruc uira over
the left eye, making quite a mark on the
Pa. tK.u. .uuucm -u,.-
i . T. - nni. : : I .. t I.
-ersauon irom ui. nuuj.c, o- w.e uurur,,
l - - 'llll-t? .l.t
ana u was not again auuuea 10 me
We reached Lowstone shortly after dark,
and I went at once to the residence of Mr. i
Slickney, whom 1 found. He had been out
all day, and bad made all torts of efforts to
obtain some clue to the perpetrators of the
robberies that were being commuted, but j
without effect.
He said he could team nothing on which
to hang suspicion. Two shops had been
robbed in his town, but he could gain no
clue to the perpetrator1. We consulted to
gether, and finally proposed o go in the
morning and see another detective officer
named Gamblil, who resided about twelve
miles distant in the town of Ortori.
This met the tiews of my host, and so
we left the matter for the evening. On the
following morning we were up early, and,
as the coach would take us directly to Gam
bia's house, we chose the mode of convey
ance, and repaired at a seasonable hour to
the tavern for that purpose. When we
reached the inn ws found the old farmer,
who had been one of my fellow-passengers
on the night before, stepping about the
door in a state of excitement He had been
robbed of three hundred pounds, and he
was sure it must have' been done in the
stage, for he had slept with his pocket book
under his pillow. He had not thought to
look into it when he got op. He said the
wallet had been taken from his pocket and
put back agam he knew it. " As soon as
he saw me he was anxious I should be
searched. -Of course I allowed the opera
tion to, be performed willingly. After, the
excitement was allayed I asked where the
pale young man was that came in the
coach, and was told by the landlord that he
went away soon after the coach arrived.
My first aim was to satisfy myself that
the eld rrin bii tin rbd 5nK.."
if I could find him, I should find the rogue
So I bade the landlord to keep a sharp
lookout ; and also spoke to the driver who
had brought me from Sidney, and who was
. .
now on the point of returning, requesting
him, if he saw anything of the pale man, to
see that he was secured. The suspicious
individual had only remained at the inn a J
few minutes on the previous evening, and
had then gone away in a gig, which had
come for him; but no one could tell what
direction he had taken.
The coach for Orton soon came to the
door, and Slickney and myself took our
seats inside, the farmer having determined
to remain where he was until he heard
something about the mouey. There were
two other passengers inside, and two or
three outside, but they were strangers to
me. We had gone two or. three miles
when the driver pulled - up before a small
farm house, where a woman and a trunk
wen waiting at the gate. The lady was
handed into ihe coach, aiv' took a seat
facing me, and as she turned to. give the
driver some direction concerning her bag
gage, she threw her veil over her bennet
She was pretty very prettywith rosy
cheeks and sparkling ejus. H v; hair l ung
in glossy brown ri. gle'3 ever hf neck and
shoulders, and was a type of beauty in
itself. 1 looked at the rosy cheeks again,
and into her dark lustrous eyes. My gaze
was f xed upen this latter point when she
caught ray and quickly dropped her
veil. At first I felt a little 'ashamed at
having been caught staring at her so boldly;
but as the face was hidden from sight, and
1 had opponuraty for , reflection, it struck
that I had sren these features before.
Here was a study for me, and I watt bu
ried in it at once. Where had I seen that
face ? I whispered to Slickney, and asked
him if he had seen her before. He said he
had not, andjoked me for being so curious
about a pretty face.
We stopped at a place called "Turner's
Mills," in the edge of Orton, to exchange
mails, and here I jumped out to see the
post-raasler. who was an old friend of mine
and as 1 was returning to the coach, the
thought 6truck me to go look at the trunk
wltich had last been put on, and see if any
name was on it. It was marked with the
simple initials "A. M." so that was all I
g lined from that source. As 1 came to the
coach, door. 1 approached it from behind,
and as I cat my eyes up 1 found that the
beauty had her veil raised, and was looking
in at the post office, as though anxious for
the mail to come, that we might be off.
The expression of anxiety deiricted some
what from her beauty, and as I looked upon
her now, seeln? her face in a different light,
I was struck with a sort of snake-like cast
which was perceptible in her features. I
' ! was on the poiut of withdrawing my gaze.
lest she should catch me a second time,
when a light motion of her head rolled her
curls over her temple, and I saw a faint line,
something like a vein, over her left ear. ll
was a mark a livid scratch, where some
thing had struck her. It might have been
the stroke of a whip. But no; I quickly
glided back behind the coach, and there I
reflected. Such a mark as that could be
made by a faggot.
When I returned to my seat in the coach,
the fair stranger's veil was down again.
Could it be possible that my suspicions
were correct and that chance had thrown
in my way a solution of the problem which
had vexed my deputies so much? Yes, 1
was sure of it ; and the more I compared
, h faceg . j , ,he more j MW
, r.h,.n F:,v1(,r lW(, chPeks had
i been painted red to-day, or they had been
j painted white yesterday. The eyes were
h fa , ,lie pame and thal
, fc wih Ua e,MaIe mafk nQt Q be mis
We soon stopped at the door of the inn at
Orton. The driver announced that they
would stop there fifteen or twenty minutes,
to exchange horses and wait for the mail,
and also informed the passengers that they
would find plenty of accommodation in the
house if they chose to go in.
The lady at first did not get out, but at
length she did so, crnd went into the hotel.
I determined now to find out who she was
I left my deputy at the door of the room 6be
entered, having ordered him to ru-h in, in
case he should hear anything that war
ranted his intrusion. On going into the de
partment, 1 found the beauty was sitting by
a window, gazing out between the blinds.
She etaned up as entered, and let her vail
"I thought this wa a private room, Sir,"
Ehe said. Her voice trembled and sounded
"It may be," I returned ; "but that does
not exclude those who have business. I
came on purpose to see yoo."
' There was a momentary struggle, and
then she appeared as calm as could be.
"Who are you V she asked.
"I am an o'fficer from Bow street," I re
plied. "I want to know who you are."
"Stop one moment," she said ; and as
she spoke, she .carried her hand beneath
her cloak. It was quickly withdrawn, and
in it was a pistol, but ehe grasped a portiou
of her dress with it, and before she could
clear it, I had sprung upon her and seized
her by the arms. But it was her no longer.
There was more muscle in that slight body
lhan I had "bargained for! However my
man "popped" in, the moment be heard
the scuffle, and the beauty was soon se
As soon as the prisoner was secured, I
had his trunk taken off and brought in, and
upon overhauling its contents, we found
disguises of all sorts, and quite a sum of
money, besides watches and jewelry of
much value. I made him assume a proper
male attire, and when he stood lorth in
propria peisona,! found that he had not only
used red paint for the blushing beauty of
to-day, but that he had applied a more
cadaverous coloring matter for . the con
sumptive individual of yesterday. As he
stood now, he was a light-built, intelligent
looking youth, of not more than five and
twenty ; but with a cold blooded expression
upon his marble face, and an evil look in
his dark eyes. '
We carried him back to Lowstone. where
we found the money of the old farmer upon
him, besides other money which had been
lost by different individuals. At first he
told strange siories of himself, but finally,
when he knew the worst must come, he
confessed the whole. He was from London,
and had come into the country on purpose
to rob. He had two confederates with him,
who had helped him from place to place.
One of them had taken' him away from the
inn the night before, and the other had
brought him and set him dowu at the
farmer's gate that, morning. We made
search for these, confederates, but they had
sot wind of their principal's arrest and were
not to be found.
However, we had got the chief sinner,
and had broken up the game. After he
had been found guilty and sentenced, he
6eemed to enjoy himself hugely in telling
how he had deceived the good people of
our county. Now he would turn himself
into the old woman who had given the
driver so much trouble about her band box.
Then he would be again the meek-browed
minister, who had distributed tracts to the
passengers, and picked their pockets while
they read. Then he would draw himself
up into the little hump backed old man,
who had been lifted into and out of the
coach, and robbed his helpers while they
fixed his crutches for him. It was funny
very and perhaps we might never have
caught him but for the accident of the fag
got. That was not so funny lor him ; and
I doubt if he found much fun in working at
the hard stone hammering early and late
with an inexorable master over him to
spur him up when he lazged.
A H..PP7 Dfath In what a variety of
forms and shapes cometh the last summons
to ns, for this body to separate from the
soul for this corruption to put on incor-
ruption, and this mortal immortality.
We,' with a party of friends, were dis
cussing this mat'er one evening, when one
of our number, a physician, remarked that
if he could have his choice of exit from this
world, he would prefer to go off in a con
sumption. . "My wife," he said, "went off
in that way. So gradually and so gently
was her demise, that she seemed 10 steal
imperceptibly away ; and when the hand
of death was really upon her, 1 leaned over,
and asked her how she felt. She opened
her bright blue eyes, radiant with a mot
happy expression of joy, softened with
tranqnility, and whispered, "Do not speak,
dear husband, I pray you, but hold your
arms around me, darling it will be as
well, lam just changing worlds, and oh !
how beautiful V Boston Post.
A New Solution. Not long since, a cer
tain Quack, who looked as learned as an old
owl, was addressed by one of his patients
thus :
"Doctor, tell ns how it is, that when we
eat and drink, the meat is separated from
the drii.k ?"
''Why I'll tell you," said the learned man
of pills. "You see, as how, there is in the
neck iwo pipes one of them is to receive
meat and the other drink. At the top of
them pipes is a lid or clapper, and when we
eat, this clapper shuts up the drink pipe,
and when we drink, it turns back upon the
meat pipe a see-saw kind of motion.
Queer apparatuses, I asure you."
'But, doctor." said the patient, "it seems
to me that ere clapper must play a d d
sharp game when we eat pudding and
Quack took his hat and slid, advising his
patient to "6uear not at all."
Lost his Mf.dicike On board the steam
er Webster a few days ago, a passenger
presented himself to the captain, and in
formed him that he had lost a package of
valuable medicine since he came on board;
that it had been abstracted from his berth,
and desired to be paid for his loss. In an
swer as to the description of the lost article
he said it was a quart bottle filled with a
mixture of brandy, sugar and .the whites of
eggs ! J he Captain said he was sorry for
the gentleman's loss, and would have the
medicine returned if found, but the chances
were that it had fallen into the hands of a
sick man who found it not bad to take.
A Good Reason for Laughter. A spend
thrift was once lying awake in bed, when
he saw a man enter his room cautiously,
and attempt to pick tne lock of his writing
desk. The rogue was not a little discon
certed at, hearing a laugh from the occu
pant of the apartment, who he supposed
asleep. "Why do you laugh ?'; asked the
thief. 'l am laughing, ray good fellow,"
said tlte spendthrift, "to think what pains
yon are taking, and what risk yon run, in
A San Francisco Auctioneer.
The reporter of The San Francisco News
furnishes that paper with the following re
port of a speech made by a California
"Ladies and gentlemen, I now have the
honor of putting up a fine pocket hand
kerchief; a yard wide, a yard leng. and
almost a yard thick; one half cotton, and
the other half cotton too; beautifully
printed with stars and stripes on one side,
and the stripes and stars on the other. It
will wipe dust lrom the eyes so completely
as to be death to demagogues and make
politics as bad a business as printing pa
pers. Its great length, breadth, and thick
ness, together with its dark color, will ena
ble it to hide dirt, and never need washing.
Going at one dollar? seventyfive cents?
fifty cents ? twenty-five cents? one bit?
Nobody wants it ! Oh ! thank you sir !
"Next, gentlemen for the latties won't be
permitted to bid on this article is a real,
simon pure, tempered, highly polished,
keeu edged Sheffield razor; bran spankin
new ; never opened before to sunlight,
moonlight, starlight, daylight, or gaslight;
sharp enough to 6have a lawyer or cut a
disagreeable acquaintance or poor relation ;
handle of buck-horn; with all the rivets
but the two at the ends ol pure gold. Who
will give two dollars? one dollar? half a
dollar? Why, ye long bearded, dirty faced
reprobates, with not room on your phizzes
for a Chinese woman to kis, I'm offering
you a bargain at half a dollar ! razor and
-.ii i.
strop a recent patent; upon u oudi
pen the cisy attorney all for four bits; and
a piece of soap sweeter than roses, lathers
better than a schoolmaster, and s.rong
enough to wash out all the stains from a
California politician's countenance, all for
four bits ! Why you have only to put the
razor strop and soap under your pillow at
night to wake up in the morning cleaned
shaved. Won't an) body give two bits,
then for the lot? I knew I would sell
Next, ladies and gentlemen, I offr three
pairs socks, hose, stockings, or half hose,
just as you're a mind to call them, knit by
a machine made on purpose, out of cotton
wool. The man that buys these will be
enabled to walk till he gets tired ; and,
provided his bools are high enough, reed'ni
have anycorr.s; the legs are as long as
bills against the corporation, and as thick
as heads of the members of the legislature.
Who wants 'em at one dollar? Thankee,
madam, the money.
' Next, I offesyou a pair of boots; made
especially lor San Francisco, with heels
long enough to raise a man up to the Hoad
ley grades, and nails to insnre against be
ing carried over by a land slide ; legs wide
enough to carry two revolvers and a bowie
knife, and the uppers of the best horse
leather. A man in these boots can move
about as easy as the State capitol. Who
says twenty dollars? All the tar payers
ought to buy a pair to kick the council
with ; everybody ought to have a pair to
kick the legislature with ; and they will be
found of assistance in kicking the bucket,
especially if somebody should kick at be
ing kicked. Ten dollars for legs, uppers,
and soles ! while souls, and miserable souls
at that, are bringing twenty thousand dol
lars in Sacramento ! Ten dollars I ten dol
lars ! Gone at ten dollars!
"Next is something that you ought to
have, gentlemen, a lot of good gallowses,
sometimes called suspenders. I know that
some of you will afier a while be furnished
at the State's expen, but you can't iell
winch one, so buy where they're cheap
All that deserve hanging are not supplied
with a gallows; if so, there would be no
body to make laws, condemn criminals, or
hang culprits until a" new election. Made
of pure gumelasiic stretch like a judge's
conscience and last as long as a California
office-holder will steal; buckles of pure
iron, and warranted to hold so tight that no
man's wife can rob him of the breeches;
are in short, as sirong, as good, as perfect,
as ellectual, and as bona fide as the ordi
nance against Chinese shops on Dupont
street gone at twenty-five cents."
"What do yoa call this ?'' 6aid Jones,
tapping his breakfast lightly with his fork.
"Call it?" snarled the landlord ''what do
you call it?" "Well, really," said Jones,
"I don't know, it hasn't quite enough hair
in it for plaster, but there's a leeile too
much in it for hash."
Am exchange thus pathetically describes
the fainting of a young lady :
"Down fell the lovely maiden :
"Just like the slaughtered lamb ;
Her hair hung round her pallid cheeks
Like sea weeds round a calm !"
Our Devil says that when you see a
young man and a woman walking down
street, leaning against each other like a pair
of bad.3 matched oxen, it is a pretty sure
sign they are bent on consolation.
There is a lawyer so excessively honest
that he put all his flower pots out over
night, so determined is he thai every thing
shall have its dews.
An editor says "On our outside will be
found some fine suggestions for raising
peaches." We suppose that o& his inside
may be found the peaches themselves.
Coward One who considers circum-
King Autumn's golden banner
Is floating on the air ;
And Nature's glad "Hosanna"
Is hushed in silence there.
Save moaning wings of breezes,
That murmnr "Summer's past,
And lillies. pinks and roses,
Were all too bright to last.
Where are the gems of Flora ?
In garden, bower and dell;
Alas ! with summer's elory,
They faded and they fell,
In dust they now are sleeping,
With human flowers so fair;
While rain and dew are weeping,
Above them in ihe air.
King Autumn's pennon golden,
.Out spread o'er vale and hill, .
And jjinnt cedars olden,
With million leafless still ;
But tinged with frost's cold finger
What colors they display ;
And rain-bow sheen will linger
Until the winter day.
Farewell to the summer's glories,
The charms of Flora's baud ;
The robin's matin stories.
Or Oriole, so bland ;
O'er Nature's fair dominion
The antumnal banner float,
And passage-birds, on pinions,
Their farewell sound in notes.
Away to austral region,
To sing id orange bowers ;
They fly in countless legions
From this cold clime of ours.
But spring in all her beauty,
Shall lure these wanderers back ;
On plumes of love and duty
They'll come in mu-ic's track.
Artcmtts Ward Sees the Prince of Wales.
My Friends of the Editorial Korpse :T rite
these lines on British sile. Ive ben follerin
Mrs. Victory's hopeful sun Albert Edward
threw Kanady with my onparaleled Show,
and tho I haint made much in a pecoonery
pint of vew, Ive lerat sumthing new, over
here on British Sile, whare they believe in
St. George and the Dragoon. Previa to
cummin over hear I twat my organist to
grind Rule Britanny and other airs which is
popular on British Sile. I likewise fixt a
wax rigger up to represent Sir. Edmund
Hed, the Govner Gineral. The statoo I
fixt up is the most versytile wax staloot I
ever taw. Ive ehowd it ss Wm. Penn, Na
poleon Bonyparte, Juke of Wellington, the
Jieneker Bov. Mrs. Cunningham ti vans
other notid pursous d also for a serliu pirut
named Hix. Ive ben so long among wax
eiatools that I kin fix 'em up to soot the
taMe of lo!ks, &. with sum paints I bev I
kin giv their fases a beneverlent or fiendish
look, as the kase requires. 1 giv Sir Ed
mun Hed a berneverleut look, & when sum
folks who thawt they w6 smart sed it did-
ent look like Sir hJnun Hed eny more
than it did enybody else, I sed, "That's the
pint. That' the duty of the statoot. It
looks like Sir Edmua Hed or any other
man. You may kail it what yu please. Ef
it doot look like any body that ever lived,
then it's eertinly a remarkable Ssaloot L.
well worth seeing. I kal! it Sir Eduiun Hed.
Yu may kali it what yu darn pleese !" I
had 'em lhare
At lt Ive had an interview with the
Prince, tho it putty nigh cost ray vallerble
life. I cawt a glimpse of bim as he sol on
the Pizarro of the hotel in Sarnia, elbowd
myself threw a crowd of wiinin, children,
soiers fc liij'us that was haogiu round the
. , . . . L r:
tavern. 1 wa urawiu near iu tue x 111.1.0
when a red i-ited man in Miiliugtary close
grabd holt of me and aed where 1 wos goin
all so bold ?
"To see -Albert Edard, the Prince of
Wales," sez 1 : "who be yu V
He sed he was Kuruel of the Seventy
Fust Regiment, Her Majesty's troops. I
told him I hoped the Seveuty-Ooe-.ters was
in good helth, and was pafcin by when he
ceased bold of roe agiu, aud sed in atone
of indignent cirprise :
"What? Impossible! It cannot be !
Blarst ray hize, 6ir, did 1 understati yu to
say that yu was actoolly goin into the pres
ence of his Roykl luiss ?"
"Tbat's what's the matter with
"But blarst my hize sir, it's onpredented.
It's orfol, sir. Nothin like it haint happen
ed sins the Gun Ponder Plot ol Guy Forks.
Owdashus man, who air you ?'
' Sir," sez 1, drawin myself np & puttin
on a defiant air, "Ime a Amerycan sitter
zen. My name is Ward. Ime a husband
and the lather of twins, which Ime happy
to stale they look like rte. By .perfeshun
Ime a exhibiter of wax wurks and sick !"
"Good God !" yelled the Kurnel ; " the
idee of an exhibiter of wax riggers goin into
the presents ol Royalty ! The British Lion
may well roar with raje atthe thawt !"
Sez I, "Speakin of the British Lion, Kur
nel, Ide like to make a bargan with yu fur
that beast fur a few weeks Vt add to my
show." I dident meen nothin by this.
was only gettiu orf a goak, but you orter
have 6een the old Kurnel jump & howl.'
He actoolly foamed at the mouth.
"This can't be real," he showlid. "No
no. It's a horrid dream. Sir, you air not a
human being yu hev no exiiiects youre
a Mvth !"
"Well," sez I, "old hoss, yulo find me a
rather oncomfortable myth ef yu punch my
inarda in that way agin." 1 began to get a
little riled, for when he called me a myth
he punched me putty hard. The Knrnel
now commenst showtm fur beventy-uae
me ihat ef euny of the Seventy Onesters
shood happin to inert a barrooet into my
stummick, i mite be onpleasant, & I was
on the pint of rurinin orf when the Prince
hisself cum up L axed me what the matter
Sez I, -'Albert Edard, is that you ?" & he
smilt & he said it was. Sez I "Albert Ed
ard, heers my keer'd. I cum to pay my
respects to the futur King of Ingland. The
Kuruel of the Seventy Onesters hear is ruth-
er small pertaters, but of coarse yu ain't to
blame for that. He puts on as many airs as
tho he was the Bully Boy with tho glass
"Never mind," said Albert Edard ; "Ime
glad to see yu, Mister Ward, at all events,"
& he tuk my hand so pleasant like & larfed
so sweet that I . fell in love with him to
onct. He handed me a segar ti we sot
down on the Pixarro Si commenst sraokia
right cheerful.
"Well," sez I, "Albert Fdard, how's the
old fellows?''
"Her Majesty and the Prince are well,"
he sed.
"Duz the old man take his Lager Beer
regler ?" I inquired. The Prince larfed, &i
intiraatid that the old man didn't let many
kegs of that beveridge spile in the seller in
the course of a ye re. We sot and tawked
there sum time about matters and things &
bimeby 1 axed him how he liked being
Prince as fur as he got.
"To speek plain, Mister Ward," be sed,
"I don't much like it. I'm sick of all this
bowin & sera pin & crawlin & hurrain over
a boy like me. I wood rather go threw the
country quietly & enjoy myself in my own'
way, with the other boys, & not be made a
shoTr to be graped at by everybody. When
the peeple cheer me I feel pleased, for I
know they meen it, but if those one-boss
offishuls cood only know how I see threw
all their moves & understand exactly what
their air after & knowed bow I larfed at 'em
in private, they'd stop kisbin my hands aad
fawnin over me as they now do. Bat yoa
know, Mister Ward, I can't help being a .
Prince, & I must do all I kin to fit myself
for the persisbun which I must sumtime
"That's troo," sez I, "sickness and the
docter will carry the Queen orf one of these
days su re's yer born."
The time hevin arove fur me to take my
departner, I rose tip and sed : "Albert Ed.
ard, I must go, but previs to doia so I will
observe that yu soot me. Yure a good fel
ler Albert Edard, & tho Ime agin Princes as
a gineral thing, I must say I like the cut of
yure gib When you git to be King try &
be as good a man as yure muther has bin.
Be just & be Jenerus, e.peshully to -show
men, who hev alters bin aboosed sins the
dase of Noah, who was the fust man to go
into the Menagery bizness, & ef the daily
papers of this time air to be belesved,Nah'
colleckshun of livin wild beest beet euny-
thing ever seen sins, tho I maVe bold to
dowt ef hi seaiks was ahead ot mine. Al
bert Edard, adoo !"' I tuk his hand which
he shook warmly, & givin him a perpetooal
free pars to my show, and also parses to
take home fur the Queen & Old Albert, I
put on my hat and walkt away.
"Mrs. Ward," I solilerquiseJ, as I walkt
along, "Mrs. Ward, ef you cood 6ee j our
hnsband now, jest as prowdly emerjis from
the present of the futur King of Ingland,
youd be 6orroy you k ailed him a beest jest
becowz he cum home tired 1 nile & wantid
to go to bed without takin orf his boots
Yo od be sorry lor trym to deprive yure hus
band of the priceless Boon of liberty, Betsy
Jest then I met a long perseshun of men
with gownds onto 'em- The leader wos ou
horseback &: ridin up to me be sed.
"Air you Orange
Sez I," "Which ?"
Air you a Orangeman ?'' he repeatij
"I used to peddle lemin." sed I, "but
never dealt iu oranges. They are apt to
spile on yout hands. What particular Lon-
atic Asylum hev you & yure friends escap
ed frum ef 1 may be so bold ?" Jest then a
sudeen thawt struck me & I sed, "Oh your
the fellers who air worryio the Prince so &
given the Juke of Noocastle cold sweats at
nile, by yure infernel catawawlins, air yu t
Wall take the advice of a Amerykio sitter-
zen, lake orf them gownds & don't try to
get up a religious file which is 40 times
wu6s nor a prize fite, over Albert Edard,
who wants to receive you all on a ekal foot-
in, not keerin a tinker's cuss what meelia
house you sleep in Sundays. Go home &
mind yure bisues, L. not make noonsense
of yourselves.' With which observashus
I lett 'em.
I shall leeve Brittisk tile 4thwith.
Yery respectively yures
A. Ward.
Yoc may judge pretty well as to a wo
man's secret vices by observing what she
condemns most fiercely in others.
- A dinner without the presence of ladles,
is like a clown without paint.
He who marries a lady for her fine teeth,
will be likely to find himself bitten.
What means of conveyance by land; and
what by sea, are ladies fondest of ? Basset
and smacks.
A confirmed tippler was bothered how to
honor his birthday. A brillian: idea struck
him. He kept sober.
?s if, for ha had