i r Two Dollars per Annua. W, D. JACOBY, Proprietor. Truth and Right God and our Country. BLOOMS BURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 31, I860:' NUMBER 43. VOLUME 12. aw HI li; U Jill. I V ) ) 4 n ) S STAR OF THE NORTH PUBLISHED ETEBT WEDNESPAT BT WH. H. JACOBY, Office on Main St.,!rd Square below Market, TERMS Two Dollars per annum if paid within fix months from the time of subscri bing : two dollars and fifty cents it not paid within the year. No subscription taken lor a less period than six months; no discon tinuances permitted ontil ail arrearages are paid, unless at the option of the editor. The terms of advertising will be as follows : One square, twelve lines, three times, SI 00 Prorv enhspnuent insertion, 2a One square "'- a .. 9 tn tnree moums, - , . 8 00 One year, (Original Jioetrrj TO MARY They tell me yon are sad, Mary, Your heart once bright and glad. Mary, And that your smile has fled, Mary, Sweet girl you must not weep If triends have prov'd unkud, Mary, Or lov'd ones chang'd their mind, Mary, Cheer up, and not repine, Mary, But brave each angry steep. Life is a battle field, Mary. We conquer or we yield. Maty. And Christ he is our shield, Mary, Hit banner leads the van. Ami we, his soldiers here, Mary, Should sell his cau-e most dear, Mary, And all his works ravere, Mary, Obey each high, command. When yon were by my side, Mary, My heart was filled with pride, Mary, To be another's bride, Mary, You wandered tar from me And now when fierce winds moau.Mary, And all things seek their home, Mary, 1 stray, both sad and lone, Mary, And often think of thee. The flower, once pure and sweet, Mary. Lie scattered at my feet, Mary, And her I used to meet, Mary, And told unto my breast; 1 thuifc I see her now, Mary, Her pure unruffled brow, Mary, And hear the plighted vow, Mary, As when her lips I pres'd. Down by the winding stream. Mary, And in the meadow green, Mary, How often did we .cream, Mary, Fond honr of youthful love ; The Moon's pale siWer light, Mary, . Will seem as bright, Mary. Nor welcome in Ue night, Mary, Again for us to rove. 1 wan a careless boy, Mary, And you were all my joy, Mary, Yet age cannot destroy, Mary, The love that tir'd me then ; BotO! it I have erred, Mary, By one ongarded word, Mary, . Twas but affection stirred, Mary, The muse into a flame. We were both young and wild, Mary, And love was but a child, Mary, Is'o wonder when you smiled, Mary, Vour bosom was my home. When tortune caused thee bead, Mary, 1 was your any frttnJ, Mary, All hope i at an end, Mary, To sorrow 1 am grown. You were both pure and fair, Mary, You knew no gnet or care, Mary, And in-your golden hair, Mary, 1 thought that Angels play'd ; A parents cruel hand. "Mary, Unfurled the tresses grand, Mary, Jsow in another land, Mary, A stranger s cheek they shade. Adiew, I most away, Mary, 'Twere useless thus to stray, Mary, And memory might convey, Mary, Pact scpnpn too bad to tell. Weep not when I am gone, Mary, .Nor breathe that careless song, Mary, That bowid two hearts as one, Mary, -To thee, dear girl, rAkEWELi- Bloomsburg, Columbia county. From the Journal of an English Police Officer. THE SrSTERIOTS HIGIIWAIMS. There was a 6hrpwd robber somewhere. The farm-houses were robbed ; shops wore robbed ; the tills of the bars at the wayside inns were robbed ; and the people bad iheir pockets picked. All this happened in the region of country between Sidney and Xowstone not a field of vast extent and yet the robber or robbers could not be found. Officers had searched in every direction, .and several suspicious looking individuals had been apprehended, but the real culprit still remained at large. One day the mail was robbed, and on the next a man had his pocket picket of five hundred pounds, while jriding on the stage coach for my narrative .dates back to the old coaching days. The money had been carried in his breast pocket, and he knew that it wa3 6tolen from , Jhira while he was enjoying a bit of a doze jon the road. , I had been confined to roy house by a severe cold for several days, and was not iit to go out now; but this matter was be coming so serious, I felt it my duty to be on the move, and accordingly, I fortified my throat and breast with warm flannel, and set forth. I had no settled plan in my mini, for I had not yet been upon the reed, .and was not thoroughly "posted op." A jide'ef five rails brought roe to Sidney, ;lnd ' (thence I meant to take coach to Lowstone, where Sara Slickney, one of the shrewdest .of men lined.";! wished to consult him be fore jaaiing any decided movement. I reached Sidney at half-past five in . the corning, and the coach left at six. Low stone was sixty miles dislant, so 1 had a good iride before ms. JDcriagthe early part of She day 1 rode open the box with the driver, &nd fcon lata I gained considerable in tfonnatioa tenciBg.lbaarion jobberies ihathad been committed. He was forced to admit thai several people had been robbed ja his stie. though ha declared! he coul in't ml the mst remo We reached Bonniville at noon, where we stopped to dine, and when we lett this place I was the only passenger. At the . distance of twelve miles, at a liille village it J n .1 . i i 1 caneu awuiorae, we stopped to cnange j horses, and here another passenger got up. 1 had been occupying the forward seat, as that happened to be wider than the others, ) and gave me a better opportunity for lying down; and when the new comer entered he took the back 'seat." He was a young man, I judge, and not very tall in stature, but so completely bundled up -was he in shawls and mufflers, that his size of frame was not so easily determined. He was very pale, and coughed badly ; and I at once made up my mind that he was lar less fit to travel than I was. ; After we had fairly got on our way, I remarked to him that I had been suffering from a severe cold, nd that this was the first time I had ventured out for quite a number ot days, fie looked at me out of a pair of dark, bright eye ; and when he seemoKj to have determined what manner of man I was, he said : "1 have . something worse than a cold, sir." He broke into a fit of coughing which lasted a minute or so. and then added "It won't be a great while before 1 take my last ride." Again he was seized with a spasm of coughing, and when he had recovered from it, he continued '"The disease is eating me up 'and shaking me to pieces a; the same time.".. He further informed me that he had started on a tour foi his healthj but i'.at he had given it up, and was now on Lis way home, which place he was anxic"s to reach as soon as possible. Anoihei roxysm seized him at this point, ant. ,ir intimated that he was unable to converse, as the effort brought on his cough I had noticed this, and had made up ru; mind to trouble him no more, even before ha had given me the hint. After this he drew his outer shal more closely about his neck and face, and having secured an easy posture, he closed his eyes, and I was not long in following his ex ample. Toward the middle of the after noon the coach stopped at a small village, where four passengers get up. This broke up tne arrangement ot my mend ana sell for rest, as he had to take one of the strangers on his seat, while I took another upon mine, the other two occupying the middle seat. The new comers broached the subject of the robberies which had been committed in that region, and 1 listened to gain information, if possible ; but they knew no more than any one else knew. They had heard all about it, and were in flated with wonder. One an old farmer asked me if I knew anything of the robber I told hitn that I knew but little ot the affair in any way having been sick, and if he knew anything about it. The latter raised his head from : its reclining position, and was on the point of answering, when he heard our driver, in j quick, abrupt tones, ordering some one to get out of the road. T instinctively put my ! bead out at the window to see what the trouble was, and my eye was just quick enough to delect a load of fagots in time to dodge back and avoid them. The road was ' quite narrow at this point, and as the fagots j were loaded very widely, it was impossible 1 for the driver to wholly avoid them, and the ! side of the coach was swept by them quite j smartly. I escaped without being touched, j but not so with my friend. 1 heard an ex- planaiion I thought rather a profane one .roru ins ..p, aim on muting 1IU3 u..n t.l-.l t . t J . 1L" t t i . 1 . k: ; I saw ma. me lagois uaa i-iruc uira over the left eye, making quite a mark on the Pa. tK.u. ..ma .uuucm ....in. -u,.- i . T. - nni. : : I .. t I. -ersauon irom ui. nuuj.c, o- w.e uurur,, l - - 'llll-t? .l.t ana u was not again auuuea 10 uur.ng me day We reached Lowstone shortly after dark, and I went at once to the residence of Mr. i Slickney, whom 1 found. He had been out all day, and bad made all torts of efforts to obtain some clue to the perpetrators of the robberies that were being commuted, but j without effect. He said he could team nothing on which to hang suspicion. Two shops had been robbed in his town, but he could gain no clue to the perpetrator1. We consulted to gether, and finally proposed o go in the morning and see another detective officer named Gamblil, who resided about twelve miles distant in the town of Ortori. This met the tiews of my host, and so we left the matter for the evening. On the following morning we were up early, and, as the coach would take us directly to Gam bia's house, we chose the mode of convey ance, and repaired at a seasonable hour to the tavern for that purpose. When we reached the inn ws found the old farmer, who had been one of my fellow-passengers on the night before, stepping about the door in a state of excitement He had been robbed of three hundred pounds, and he was sure it must have' been done in the stage, for he had slept with his pocket book under his pillow. He had not thought to look into it when he got op. He said the wallet had been taken from his pocket and put back agam he knew it. " As soon as he saw me he was anxious I should be searched. -Of course I allowed the opera tion to, be performed willingly. After, the excitement was allayed I asked where the pale young man was that came in the coach, and was told by the landlord that he went away soon after the coach arrived. My first aim was to satisfy myself that the eld rrin bii tin rbd 5nK.." if I could find him, I should find the rogue So I bade the landlord to keep a sharp lookout ; and also spoke to the driver who had brought me from Sidney, and who was . . now on the point of returning, requesting him, if he saw anything of the pale man, to see that he was secured. The suspicious individual had only remained at the inn a J few minutes on the previous evening, and had then gone away in a gig, which had come for him; but no one could tell what direction he had taken. The coach for Orton soon came to the door, and Slickney and myself took our seats inside, the farmer having determined to remain where he was until he heard something about the mouey. There were two other passengers inside, and two or three outside, but they were strangers to me. We had gone two or. three miles when the driver pulled - up before a small farm house, where a woman and a trunk wen waiting at the gate. The lady was handed into ihe coach, aiv' took a seat facing me, and as she turned to. give the driver some direction concerning her bag gage, she threw her veil over her bennet She was pretty very prettywith rosy cheeks and sparkling ejus. H v; hair l ung in glossy brown ri. gle'3 ever hf neck and shoulders, and was a type of beauty in itself. 1 looked at the rosy cheeks again, and into her dark lustrous eyes. My gaze was f xed upen this latter point when she caught ray glar.ee and quickly dropped her veil. At first I felt a little 'ashamed at having been caught staring at her so boldly; but as the face was hidden from sight, and 1 had opponuraty for , reflection, it struck that I had sren these features before. Here was a study for me, and I watt bu ried in it at once. Where had I seen that face ? I whispered to Slickney, and asked him if he had seen her before. He said he had not, andjoked me for being so curious about a pretty face. We stopped at a place called "Turner's Mills," in the edge of Orton, to exchange mails, and here I jumped out to see the post-raasler. who was an old friend of mine and as 1 was returning to the coach, the thought 6truck me to go look at the trunk wltich had last been put on, and see if any name was on it. It was marked with the simple initials "A. M." so that was all I g lined from that source. As 1 came to the coach, door. 1 approached it from behind, and as I cat my eyes up 1 found that the beauty had her veil raised, and was looking in at the post office, as though anxious for the mail to come, that we might be off. The expression of anxiety deiricted some what from her beauty, and as I looked upon her now, seeln? her face in a different light, I was struck with a sort of snake-like cast which was perceptible in her features. I ' ! was on the poiut of withdrawing my gaze. lest she should catch me a second time, when a light motion of her head rolled her curls over her temple, and I saw a faint line, something like a vein, over her left ear. ll was a mark a livid scratch, where some thing had struck her. It might have been the stroke of a whip. But no; I quickly glided back behind the coach, and there I reflected. Such a mark as that could be made by a faggot. When I returned to my seat in the coach, the fair stranger's veil was down again. Could it be possible that my suspicions were correct and that chance had thrown in my way a solution of the problem which had vexed my deputies so much? Yes, 1 was sure of it ; and the more I compared , h faceg . j , ,he more j MW , r.h,.n F:,v1(,r lW(, chPeks had i been painted red to-day, or they had been j painted white yesterday. The eyes were h fa , ,lie pame and thal ' , fc wih Ua e,MaIe mafk nQt Q be mis taken. We soon stopped at the door of the inn at Orton. The driver announced that they would stop there fifteen or twenty minutes, to exchange horses and wait for the mail, and also informed the passengers that they would find plenty of accommodation in the house if they chose to go in. The lady at first did not get out, but at length she did so, crnd went into the hotel. I determined now to find out who she was I left my deputy at the door of the room 6be entered, having ordered him to ru-h in, in case he should hear anything that war ranted his intrusion. On going into the de partment, 1 found the beauty was sitting by a window, gazing out between the blinds. She etaned up as entered, and let her vail fall. "I thought this wa a private room, Sir," Ehe said. Her voice trembled and sounded unnatural. "It may be," I returned ; "but that does not exclude those who have business. I came on purpose to see yoo." ' There was a momentary struggle, and then she appeared as calm as could be. "Who are you V she asked. "I am an o'fficer from Bow street," I re plied. "I want to know who you are." "Stop one moment," she said ; and as she spoke, she .carried her hand beneath her cloak. It was quickly withdrawn, and in it was a pistol, but ehe grasped a portiou of her dress with it, and before she could clear it, I had sprung upon her and seized her by the arms. But it was her no longer. There was more muscle in that slight body lhan I had "bargained for! However my man "popped" in, the moment be heard the scuffle, and the beauty was soon se As soon as the prisoner was secured, I had his trunk taken off and brought in, and upon overhauling its contents, we found disguises of all sorts, and quite a sum of money, besides watches and jewelry of much value. I made him assume a proper male attire, and when he stood lorth in propria peisona,! found that he had not only used red paint for the blushing beauty of to-day, but that he had applied a more cadaverous coloring matter for . the con sumptive individual of yesterday. As he stood now, he was a light-built, intelligent looking youth, of not more than five and twenty ; but with a cold blooded expression upon his marble face, and an evil look in his dark eyes. ' We carried him back to Lowstone. where we found the money of the old farmer upon him, besides other money which had been lost by different individuals. At first he told strange siories of himself, but finally, when he knew the worst must come, he confessed the whole. He was from London, and had come into the country on purpose to rob. He had two confederates with him, who had helped him from place to place. One of them had taken' him away from the inn the night before, and the other had brought him and set him dowu at the farmer's gate that, morning. We made search for these, confederates, but they had sot wind of their principal's arrest and were not to be found. However, we had got the chief sinner, and had broken up the game. After he had been found guilty and sentenced, he 6eemed to enjoy himself hugely in telling how he had deceived the good people of our county. Now he would turn himself into the old woman who had given the driver so much trouble about her band box. Then he would be again the meek-browed minister, who had distributed tracts to the passengers, and picked their pockets while they read. Then he would draw himself up into the little hump backed old man, who had been lifted into and out of the coach, and robbed his helpers while they fixed his crutches for him. It was funny very and perhaps we might never have caught him but for the accident of the fag got. That was not so funny lor him ; and I doubt if he found much fun in working at the hard stone hammering early and late with an inexorable master over him to spur him up when he lazged. A H..PP7 Dfath In what a variety of forms and shapes cometh the last summons to ns, for this body to separate from the soul for this corruption to put on incor- ruption, and this mortal immortality. We,' with a party of friends, were dis cussing this mat'er one evening, when one of our number, a physician, remarked that if he could have his choice of exit from this world, he would prefer to go off in a con sumption. . "My wife," he said, "went off in that way. So gradually and so gently was her demise, that she seemed 10 steal imperceptibly away ; and when the hand of death was really upon her, 1 leaned over, and asked her how she felt. She opened her bright blue eyes, radiant with a mot happy expression of joy, softened with tranqnility, and whispered, "Do not speak, dear husband, I pray you, but hold your arms around me, darling it will be as well, lam just changing worlds, and oh ! how beautiful V Boston Post. A New Solution. Not long since, a cer tain Quack, who looked as learned as an old owl, was addressed by one of his patients thus : "Doctor, tell ns how it is, that when we eat and drink, the meat is separated from the drii.k ?" ''Why I'll tell you," said the learned man of pills. "You see, as how, there is in the neck iwo pipes one of them is to receive meat and the other drink. At the top of them pipes is a lid or clapper, and when we eat, this clapper shuts up the drink pipe, and when we drink, it turns back upon the meat pipe a see-saw kind of motion. Queer apparatuses, I asure you." 'But, doctor." said the patient, "it seems to me that ere clapper must play a d d sharp game when we eat pudding and milk." Quack took his hat and slid, advising his patient to "6uear not at all." Lost his Mf.dicike On board the steam er Webster a few days ago, a passenger presented himself to the captain, and in formed him that he had lost a package of valuable medicine since he came on board; that it had been abstracted from his berth, and desired to be paid for his loss. In an swer as to the description of the lost article he said it was a quart bottle filled with a mixture of brandy, sugar and .the whites of eggs ! J he Captain said he was sorry for the gentleman's loss, and would have the medicine returned if found, but the chances were that it had fallen into the hands of a sick man who found it not bad to take. A Good Reason for Laughter. A spend thrift was once lying awake in bed, when he saw a man enter his room cautiously, and attempt to pick tne lock of his writing desk. The rogue was not a little discon certed at, hearing a laugh from the occu pant of the apartment, who he supposed asleep. "Why do you laugh ?'; asked the thief. 'l am laughing, ray good fellow," said tlte spendthrift, "to think what pains yon are taking, and what risk yon run, in A San Francisco Auctioneer. The reporter of The San Francisco News furnishes that paper with the following re port of a speech made by a California auctioneer: "Ladies and gentlemen, I now have the honor of putting up a fine pocket hand kerchief; a yard wide, a yard leng. and almost a yard thick; one half cotton, and the other half cotton too; beautifully printed with stars and stripes on one side, and the stripes and stars on the other. It will wipe dust lrom the eyes so completely as to be death to demagogues and make politics as bad a business as printing pa pers. Its great length, breadth, and thick ness, together with its dark color, will ena ble it to hide dirt, and never need washing. Going at one dollar? seventyfive cents? fifty cents ? twenty-five cents? one bit? Nobody wants it ! Oh ! thank you sir ! "Next, gentlemen for the latties won't be permitted to bid on this article is a real, simon pure, tempered, highly polished, keeu edged Sheffield razor; bran spankin new ; never opened before to sunlight, moonlight, starlight, daylight, or gaslight; sharp enough to 6have a lawyer or cut a disagreeable acquaintance or poor relation ; handle of buck-horn; with all the rivets but the two at the ends ol pure gold. Who will give two dollars? one dollar? half a dollar? Why, ye long bearded, dirty faced reprobates, with not room on your phizzes for a Chinese woman to kis, I'm offering you a bargain at half a dollar ! razor and -.ii i. strop a recent patent; upon u oudi pen the cisy attorney all for four bits; and a piece of soap sweeter than roses, lathers better than a schoolmaster, and s.rong enough to wash out all the stains from a California politician's countenance, all for four bits ! Why you have only to put the razor strop and soap under your pillow at night to wake up in the morning cleaned shaved. Won't an) body give two bits, then for the lot? I knew I would sell 'em. Next, ladies and gentlemen, I offr three pairs socks, hose, stockings, or half hose, just as you're a mind to call them, knit by a machine made on purpose, out of cotton wool. The man that buys these will be enabled to walk till he gets tired ; and, provided his bools are high enough, reed'ni have anycorr.s; the legs are as long as bills against the corporation, and as thick as heads of the members of the legislature. Who wants 'em at one dollar? Thankee, madam, the money. ' Next, I offesyou a pair of boots; made especially lor San Francisco, with heels long enough to raise a man up to the Hoad ley grades, and nails to insnre against be ing carried over by a land slide ; legs wide enough to carry two revolvers and a bowie knife, and the uppers of the best horse leather. A man in these boots can move about as easy as the State capitol. Who says twenty dollars? All the tar payers ought to buy a pair to kick the council with ; everybody ought to have a pair to kick the legislature with ; and they will be found of assistance in kicking the bucket, especially if somebody should kick at be ing kicked. Ten dollars for legs, uppers, and soles ! while souls, and miserable souls at that, are bringing twenty thousand dol lars in Sacramento ! Ten dollars I ten dol lars ! Gone at ten dollars! "Next is something that you ought to have, gentlemen, a lot of good gallowses, sometimes called suspenders. I know that some of you will afier a while be furnished at the State's expen, but you can't iell winch one, so buy where they're cheap All that deserve hanging are not supplied with a gallows; if so, there would be no body to make laws, condemn criminals, or hang culprits until a" new election. Made of pure gumelasiic stretch like a judge's conscience and last as long as a California office-holder will steal; buckles of pure iron, and warranted to hold so tight that no man's wife can rob him of the breeches; are in short, as sirong, as good, as perfect, as ellectual, and as bona fide as the ordi nance against Chinese shops on Dupont street gone at twenty-five cents." "What do yoa call this ?'' 6aid Jones, tapping his breakfast lightly with his fork. "Call it?" snarled the landlord ''what do you call it?" "Well, really," said Jones, "I don't know, it hasn't quite enough hair in it for plaster, but there's a leeile too much in it for hash." Am exchange thus pathetically describes the fainting of a young lady : "Down fell the lovely maiden : "Just like the slaughtered lamb ; Her hair hung round her pallid cheeks Like sea weeds round a calm !" Our Devil says that when you see a young man and a woman walking down street, leaning against each other like a pair of bad.3 matched oxen, it is a pretty sure sign they are bent on consolation. There is a lawyer so excessively honest that he put all his flower pots out over night, so determined is he thai every thing shall have its dews. An editor says "On our outside will be found some fine suggestions for raising peaches." We suppose that o& his inside may be found the peaches themselves. Coward One who considers circum- Al'TUSLVS BAXSEB. BT LACFU EGGLICTOfl . King Autumn's golden banner Is floating on the air ; And Nature's glad "Hosanna" Is hushed in silence there. Save moaning wings of breezes, That murmnr "Summer's past, And lillies. pinks and roses, Were all too bright to last. Where are the gems of Flora ? In garden, bower and dell; Alas ! with summer's elory, They faded and they fell, In dust they now are sleeping, With human flowers so fair; While rain and dew are weeping, Above them in ihe air. King Autumn's pennon golden, .Out spread o'er vale and hill, . And jjinnt cedars olden, With million leafless still ; But tinged with frost's cold finger What colors they display ; And rain-bow sheen will linger Until the winter day. Farewell to the summer's glories, The charms of Flora's baud ; The robin's matin stories. Or Oriole, so bland ; O'er Nature's fair dominion The antumnal banner float, And passage-birds, on pinions, Their farewell sound in notes. Away to austral region, To sing id orange bowers ; They fly in countless legions From this cold clime of ours. But spring in all her beauty, Shall lure these wanderers back ; On plumes of love and duty They'll come in mu-ic's track. Artcmtts Ward Sees the Prince of Wales. My Friends of the Editorial Korpse :T rite these lines on British sile. Ive ben follerin Mrs. Victory's hopeful sun Albert Edward threw Kanady with my onparaleled Show, and tho I haint made much in a pecoonery pint of vew, Ive lerat sumthing new, over here on British Sile, whare they believe in St. George and the Dragoon. Previa to cummin over hear I twat my organist to grind Rule Britanny and other airs which is popular on British Sile. I likewise fixt a wax rigger up to represent Sir. Edmund Hed, the Govner Gineral. The statoo I fixt up is the most versytile wax staloot I ever taw. Ive ehowd it ss Wm. Penn, Na poleon Bonyparte, Juke of Wellington, the Jieneker Bov. Mrs. Cunningham ti vans other notid pursous d also for a serliu pirut named Hix. Ive ben so long among wax eiatools that I kin fix 'em up to soot the taMe of lo!ks, &. with sum paints I bev I kin giv their fases a beneverlent or fiendish look, as the kase requires. 1 giv Sir Ed mun Hed a berneverleut look, & when sum folks who thawt they w6 smart sed it did- ent look like Sir hJnun Hed eny more than it did enybody else, I sed, "That's the pint. That' the duty of the statoot. It looks like Sir Edmua Hed or any other man. You may kail it what yu please. Ef it doot look like any body that ever lived, then it's eertinly a remarkable Ssaloot L. well worth seeing. I kal! it Sir Eduiun Hed. Yu may kali it what yu darn pleese !" I had 'em lhare At lt Ive had an interview with the Prince, tho it putty nigh cost ray vallerble life. I cawt a glimpse of bim as he sol on the Pizarro of the hotel in Sarnia, elbowd myself threw a crowd of wiinin, children, soiers fc liij'us that was haogiu round the . , . . . L r: tavern. 1 wa urawiu near iu tue x 111.1.0 when a red i-ited man in Miiliugtary close grabd holt of me and aed where 1 wos goin all so bold ? "To see -Albert Edard, the Prince of Wales," sez 1 : "who be yu V He sed he was Kuruel of the Seventy Fust Regiment, Her Majesty's troops. I told him I hoped the Seveuty-Ooe-.ters was in good helth, and was pafcin by when he ceased bold of roe agiu, aud sed in atone of indignent cirprise : "What? Impossible! It cannot be ! Blarst ray hize, 6ir, did 1 understati yu to say that yu was actoolly goin into the pres ence of his Roykl luiss ?" "Tbat's what's the matter with me I replide. "But blarst my hize sir, it's onpredented. It's orfol, sir. Nothin like it haint happen ed sins the Gun Ponder Plot ol Guy Forks. Owdashus man, who air you ?' ' Sir," sez 1, drawin myself np & puttin on a defiant air, "Ime a Amerycan sitter zen. My name is Ward. Ime a husband and the lather of twins, which Ime happy to stale they look like rte. By .perfeshun Ime a exhibiter of wax wurks and sick !" "Good God !" yelled the Kurnel ; " the idee of an exhibiter of wax riggers goin into the presents ol Royalty ! The British Lion may well roar with raje atthe thawt !" Sez I, "Speakin of the British Lion, Kur nel, Ide like to make a bargan with yu fur that beast fur a few weeks Vt add to my show." I dident meen nothin by this. was only gettiu orf a goak, but you orter have 6een the old Kurnel jump & howl.' He actoolly foamed at the mouth. "This can't be real," he showlid. "No no. It's a horrid dream. Sir, you air not a human being yu hev no exiiiects youre a Mvth !" "Well," sez I, "old hoss, yulo find me a rather oncomfortable myth ef yu punch my inarda in that way agin." 1 began to get a little riled, for when he called me a myth he punched me putty hard. The Knrnel now commenst showtm fur beventy-uae me ihat ef euny of the Seventy Onesters shood happin to inert a barrooet into my stummick, i mite be onpleasant, & I was on the pint of rurinin orf when the Prince hisself cum up L axed me what the matter was. Sez I, -'Albert Edard, is that you ?" & he smilt & he said it was. Sez I "Albert Ed ard, heers my keer'd. I cum to pay my respects to the futur King of Ingland. The Kuruel of the Seventy Onesters hear is ruth- er small pertaters, but of coarse yu ain't to blame for that. He puts on as many airs as tho he was the Bully Boy with tho glass eye." "Never mind," said Albert Edard ; "Ime glad to see yu, Mister Ward, at all events," & he tuk my hand so pleasant like & larfed so sweet that I . fell in love with him to onct. He handed me a segar ti we sot down on the Pixarro Si commenst sraokia right cheerful. "Well," sez I, "Albert Fdard, how's the old fellows?'' "Her Majesty and the Prince are well," he sed. "Duz the old man take his Lager Beer regler ?" I inquired. The Prince larfed, &i intiraatid that the old man didn't let many kegs of that beveridge spile in the seller in the course of a ye re. We sot and tawked there sum time about matters and things & bimeby 1 axed him how he liked being Prince as fur as he got. "To speek plain, Mister Ward," be sed, "I don't much like it. I'm sick of all this bowin & sera pin & crawlin & hurrain over a boy like me. I wood rather go threw the country quietly & enjoy myself in my own' way, with the other boys, & not be made a shoTr to be graped at by everybody. When the peeple cheer me I feel pleased, for I know they meen it, but if those one-boss offishuls cood only know how I see threw all their moves & understand exactly what their air after & knowed bow I larfed at 'em in private, they'd stop kisbin my hands aad fawnin over me as they now do. Bat yoa know, Mister Ward, I can't help being a . Prince, & I must do all I kin to fit myself for the persisbun which I must sumtime ockepy." "That's troo," sez I, "sickness and the docter will carry the Queen orf one of these days su re's yer born." The time hevin arove fur me to take my departner, I rose tip and sed : "Albert Ed. ard, I must go, but previs to doia so I will observe that yu soot me. Yure a good fel ler Albert Edard, & tho Ime agin Princes as a gineral thing, I must say I like the cut of yure gib When you git to be King try & be as good a man as yure muther has bin. Be just & be Jenerus, e.peshully to -show men, who hev alters bin aboosed sins the dase of Noah, who was the fust man to go into the Menagery bizness, & ef the daily papers of this time air to be belesved,Nah' colleckshun of livin wild beest beet euny- thing ever seen sins, tho I maVe bold to dowt ef hi seaiks was ahead ot mine. Al bert Edard, adoo !"' I tuk his hand which he shook warmly, & givin him a perpetooal free pars to my show, and also parses to take home fur the Queen & Old Albert, I put on my hat and walkt away. "Mrs. Ward," I solilerquiseJ, as I walkt along, "Mrs. Ward, ef you cood 6ee j our hnsband now, jest as prowdly emerjis from the present of the futur King of Ingland, youd be 6orroy you k ailed him a beest jest becowz he cum home tired 1 nile & wantid to go to bed without takin orf his boots Yo od be sorry lor trym to deprive yure hus band of the priceless Boon of liberty, Betsy Jane!" Jest then I met a long perseshun of men with gownds onto 'em- The leader wos ou horseback &: ridin up to me be sed. "Air you Orange Sez I," "Which ?" Air you a Orangeman ?'' he repeatij s'ernly. "I used to peddle lemin." sed I, "but never dealt iu oranges. They are apt to spile on yout hands. What particular Lon- atic Asylum hev you & yure friends escap ed frum ef 1 may be so bold ?" Jest then a sudeen thawt struck me & I sed, "Oh your the fellers who air worryio the Prince so & given the Juke of Noocastle cold sweats at nile, by yure infernel catawawlins, air yu t Wall take the advice of a Amerykio sitter- zen, lake orf them gownds & don't try to get up a religious file which is 40 times wu6s nor a prize fite, over Albert Edard, who wants to receive you all on a ekal foot- in, not keerin a tinker's cuss what meelia house you sleep in Sundays. Go home & mind yure bisues, L. not make noonsense of yourselves.' With which observashus I lett 'em. I shall leeve Brittisk tile 4thwith. Yery respectively yures A. Ward. Yoc may judge pretty well as to a wo man's secret vices by observing what she condemns most fiercely in others. - A dinner without the presence of ladles, is like a clown without paint. He who marries a lady for her fine teeth, will be likely to find himself bitten. What means of conveyance by land; and what by sea, are ladies fondest of ? Basset and smacks. A confirmed tippler was bothered how to honor his birthday. A brillian: idea struck him. He kept sober. ?s ir.fo if, for ha had