THE STAR OP THE NORTH.
" W. H. JACOB*, Proprietor.]
VOLUME 11.
STAB OF THE NORTH.
ruibisitst) BVMIY WEDNESDAY BY
WM. 11. JACOBY,
flffitt t)tt Main St., Ird Square below Market,
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€i?oite yoelrrt.
ME OLD FAKI DOUSE.
In a little grove of shade trees
Stands a farm house, btown and old,
With a wealth of vines around it,
Gemm'd with flowers of red and gold,
By the path Ivhich makes a circle
Of while sand around the lawn,
Grow sweet timothy and clover,
Rosy as a June day dawn.
Round its door pale morning glories,
Jump up-Johnnies, dahlias, pinks,
Cluster—concentrated beauties,
Married by a thousand links ;
(.inks of love, the work of nature's
Mystery as handicraft ;
(.inks ol glory, through which fairy
Argosies ol perfume waft.
And the gate that swings before it,
And the fences as white as snow,
Stand on variegated cushions,
Which tlie sun fire sets aglow,
Crowning them with many colors—
Yellow, purple, green, and blue—
As if rainbow there had (alien,
Melted into rarest dew.
, On its roof the greenest mosses
Catch the shadows from the trees ;
On its sides red honey-suckls
Make their curtesies to the breeze;
And the ever-nervous willow,
Standing near the garden's bound,
Throw a web'of shade fantastic
Oil the clover-mantled ground.
O'er the well and arch of grape vines,
Formed with heaven directed care,
Chains the shadows to the water,
Making cool the summer air ;
And a tiny church, its steeple
Piercing through a bower of leaves,
Is a sure and sacred refuge
Where the wren her carol weaves.
DIVORCED BY MISTAKE.
One winter there catne to Trenton, New
Jersey, two men, named Smith and Jones,
who had both of them designee on the Leg
islature. Jones had a bad wile and was in
love with a pretty woman—he wished to be
divorced from his bad wife, so that he might
marry the pretty woman, who by the way,
was a widow, with black eyes, and such a
form ? Therefore Jones catne to Trenton lor
a divorce.
Smith had a good wife, good as an angel,
and the mother of ten children, and Smith
did not want to be divorced, but wanted to
get a charter for a turnpike or plankroad to
extend from Pig's Run to Terrapin Hollow.
"Well, they, with these different errands,
came to Trenton, and addressed the assem
bled wisdom with the usual arguments
First, suppers mainly composed of oysters
with rich background of venison ; second
liquors in great plenty, from "Jersey light
ning," which is a kind ol locomotive at full
speed, reduced to liquor shape, to Newark
champagne.
To speak in plain prose, the divorce man
gave a champagne supper, and Smith, the
turnpike man, followed with a champagne
breakfast, under the molifyir.g influence of
which the assmbled wisdom passed both
the divorce and turnpike bills ; and Jones
and Smith—a copy of each bill in their
pockets—went home rejoicing, over many
miles of sand, and through the tribulation
-of many stage coaches.
Smith arrived home in the evening, and
he sat down in his parlor, his pretty wife
beside him—how pretty she did look I —and
five of her children overhearing the other
five studying their lessons in the corner of
the room, Smith was induced to expatiate
' upon the good results of his mission to
Trenton.
"A turnpike, my dear; I am one of the
directors and will be President. It will set
•oe up, love ; we can send our children to
• (he boarding school, and live in style out of
(he toll. Here is the charter, honey."
"Let me see it," said the pretty little
wife, who was one of the nicest of wives,
■with plumpness and goodness dimpling all
La over her face. "Let me see it," as she
* leaned over Mr Smith's shoulder.
But all at once Smith's vissage grew long;
Smith's wife's vissage grew black. Smith
- ' was not profane, but uow he ripped oot an
awful oath.
t "Blast us, wife, those infernal scoundrels
at Trenton have gone and divorced us!"
ft WW too true ; the parchment which he
(held Mas a -bill of divore, in which the
narneMt Smith and Smith's wife appeared
in frightfully legible letters.
Mrs. jfenith wiped her eyes with the cor
ner of hcraproo.
"Here's a turnpike," said she sadly, "and
with ths wliutu of our ten children staring
ne in the fee, I ain't your wife! Here' a
(urnpike." 6jg
"Blast the iHt(igd the Legislature and—"
Well the factis that Smith, reduced to
aingle blessedness, enacted into a stranger
(o his own wile, swore aWftly. Although
(he night was dark, and the deni
zens of Smith's town had gondPbed,Smith
bid bis late wife to put on heMbonnet, and
arm and arm they proceeded to the clergy
man of their church.
"Goodness bless me!" exclailiMLthe
BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 1859.
good man, as he saw them enter. Smith
looking like the last of June shad, Smith's
wife wiping ber eyes with the corner of her
apron—"Goodness bless me, what's the
matter?"
"The matter is, I want you to marry us
two right off," replied Smith.
"Marry you !" ejaculated the clergyman
with expanded fingers and awlul eyes;
"are you drunk, or what is the matter with
you ?"
However, he filially married them over
straightway and would not take a fee ; tke
fact is, grave as he was, he was dying to be
alone that he might give vent to a suppres
sed laugh that was shaking him all over ;
and Smith and Smith's wife went joyfully
home and kissed every one of their chil
dren. The little Smiths never knew that
their father and mother had ever been
made strangers to each other by legislative
enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jones
returned to his native town—Burlington, 1
believe—and sought at once the fine black
eyes which he had hoped shortly :o call his
own. The pretty widow sat on the sofa, a
white kerchief lied carelessly around her
whith throat, her black hair laid in silky
waves against each rosy cheek.
"Divorce is the word," cried Jones, play
fully patting her double chin ; "the fact is,
Eliza, I am rid of that cur>-ed woman, and
you and I'll be married to-night. 1 knew
how to manage those scoundrels at Trenton.
A champagne supper—or was it a break
fast did the business for them. "Put on
your bonnet and let us go to the preacher's
at once, dearest."
The widow, who was among widows as
peaches among apples, put on her bonnet
and took Jone's arm, and—
"Just look how handsome it is put on
parchment!" cried Jones, pulling out the
document before her; "here's the law thai
says that Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline
Jones are two."
Putting her plump gloved hand on his
shoulder, she did look.
"O dear !" she said, with her rosy lips,
and sank back, hall-fainting on the sofa. !
"0 blazes !" cried Jones, and sank beside j
her rnstling the fatal parchment in his hand; i
"here's a lot of happiness and champagne !
gone to ruin."
It was a hard case. Instead of being di- j
vorced and at liberty to marry the widow,
Jacob Jones was simply incorporated into a
turnpike company, and what made it worse,
authorized to run from Burlington to Bris
tol !
When you reflect that Burlington and
Bristol are located just a little apart, on op
posite sides of the Delaware river, you will
observe the extreme hopelessness of Jones'
case.
"It's all the fault of that turnpike man
who gave them champagne supper—or was
it the breakfast?" cried Jones in agony. "If
they had chartered me a turnpike from Pig's
Run to Terrapin Hollow, 1 might have
borne it; but the very idea of building a
turnpike from Burlington to Bristol bears an
absurdity oo the face ol it.
So it did.
"And ain't you divorced ?" said Eliza, a
tear running down each cheek.
"No!' thundered Jones, crushing his hat
between his knees, and what's worse the
Legislature is adjourned, and gone home
drunk and won't be back to Trenton till next
year.
It was a hard case.
The mistake (?) had occurred on the last
day of the session, when legislators and
transcribing clerks were laboring under a
champagne breakfast. Smith's name had
been put where Jones' ought to have been,
and "wisey wersey," as the Latid poet has
it.
17" A COOL OPERATION. —' Halloo, there,
captaing !" said a "brother Jonathan" to a
captain of a canal packet on the Erie Canal,
"what do you charge for passage ?"
"Three cents per mile, and boarded,"
said the captain.
"Wal, I guess I'll take passage, capting,
seeing as how 1 am kinder gin eout walk
ing so far."
Accordingly he got on board just as the
Stewart was ringing the bell for dinner.—
Jonathan sat down and began to demolish
the "fixins," to the utter consternation ol
the captain, until he had cleared the table
of all that was eatable, when he got up and
went on deck, picking his teeth very com
fortably.
"How far is it, capting, from here to
where I came aboard I"
"Nearly one and a half miles," said the
captain.
"Let's see," said Jonathan, "that would
be just four and a half cents; but never
mind, capting, I wont be small; here's five
cents, which pays my fare to here ; I guess
I'll go ashore now ; I'm kinder rested out."
SHREWD —An insurance agent in one of
the cities tell the following in illustration of
the verdancy of a gentleman in Pike coun
ty, Indiana, with whom he had effected a
policy of insurance:—"ln the list of printed
questions in the company's blanks there is
one like this: 'Ashes—how kept?' The
Pike county gentleman was burned out, and
after tbe fire discovered this question in his
policy, and, resolving to make a sure thing
of his premium, wrote our informant some
thing in this wise : 'Dear Sir:—l was burn
ed out on the day of —, and, according
to your laws, 1 have kept the ashes. They
are in barrels; what shall Ido with them ?"
I 17 Pride and Poverty go hand in hand.
The Washington Monument.
A correspondent sends the N. Y. Post the
following plan for a monument to Washing
ton :
First, a square base of white marble, four
feet high above the general surface; the
side of the square would be about fifty feet.
This wnite marble square base would indi
cate the purity and rectitude of the motives
which prompted the thirteen original states
to assert their independence. Next above
a course having mouldings all around. On
this course would be raised a column of
thirteen sides, to represent the thirteen ori
ginal states; each side would be about
twelve feet broad, and about twonly-four
feet high; iu the centre of each side would
be placed a slad of the purest white marble,
about six feet square, upon which would be
sculptured in alio relievo the arms of the thir
teen states. Near the corners of each face
be niches, in which would be placed statues
of the representatives of the representative
stales who signed the Declaration of Inde
pendence. The sides would face, as nearly
as possible, the direction of the geographi
cat situation of the states. Next above
would be raised a column of twenty sides,
to represent the twenty new slates that have
already sprang from the original thirteen.
In each face would be placed, as before, a
white marble slab, on which would be
sculptured, in alio relievo, the arms of the
new states. These sides would, of course,
be proportionably narrower than the lower,
but would be about thirty feet high, and
would have niches for the reception of stat
ues of other great men who have rendered
signal service to ihe country. On the top
would be placed one solid block of marble,
of a hemispherical form, upon which would
be placed a colossal statue of Washington,
just so large that when seen from the sur
face of the ground, near the base of the
column, the statue would appear of life
size. Over the statue of Washington would
be erected a beautiful temple, with open
doors on each side, so as not to interfere
much with the view of the statue from the
ground, and above the temple would be
raised a richly ornamented spire, about fifty
feet high, surmounted by the American
eagle, with his eyes directed towards heav
en, to indicate the noble and lofty aspira
tions of this great country. Inside the col
umn there would be a winning staircase
leading to a slighting projecting gallery near
the bottom ot the hemisphere. The heighlh
of the monument to the top of the statue
would be about eighty feet, and to the sum
mit of the spire about oue hundred and
forty feet.
A good many monuments commemora
tive of great men and great events have
been suggested, but none possessing the
same features as this. For in this design
there is ample room for the display ot the
highest artistic genius of a Flaxman, a Thor
waldscn or a Powers in embodying in rude
inanimate matter great national ideas. We
have, in the first place, the thirteen original
states bound together in national compact
and utility, filly represented by the lower
part of the column ; above these the twenty
new states properly represented, having
been raised and founded by the thirteen
original states—the whole together faithful
ly embodying the national motto— E phtribus
uttum; and above these, raised as it were
by unanimous voice ot the thirty-three slates
which now compose the nation, we hare
the statue of the renouned Washington stan
ding erect on the new hemisphere, the lib
erty of which he in good part achieved ;
and the eagle looking towards heaven from
the summit of the lofty spire figuratively
indicating the high and holy ambition of
this great Republic. Besides all this, the
memory of the good men who contributed
so much to Washington's success, and to
our national independence and greatness, is
not forgotten; they are allotted appropriate
places.
If this design be found worthy of adop
tion by the nation, the subscriber will most
gladly give his time and aitention to the
elaboration of the details without fee or
reward.
TW "I 'LL BUT IT FOR YOU. —In the in
terior of South Carolina there lived, some
years ago, an old man very rich and not
very well "posted up." His only son was
educated at the South Carolina College, and
after graduating was sent to Europo by his
indulgent parent. On his return his father
asked him what he saw in Europe. The
son replied that he had seen a great many
rare and beautiful things and many fine
cities.
"Did you see any place you liked better
lhan home ?" asked the old man.
"Oh, yes," was the reply j "I saw Lon
don and Paris—both very fine cities."
"Which did you like best ?" queried the
father.
"Paris," replied the eon.
"You liked Paris a great deal, did you ? "
continued the old man.
"Oh, yes, very much."
"Then I'll buy it for you ! triumphantly
replied the old gentleman.
17* The following toast was given at the
late anniversary of the New Englanl Socie
ty, of Mianeappolis, Minn.:
THS LIVE YANKEE. —He'sdrivin' hiskeows
to paster all over the Continent; keepin'
school in Australia, peddlin' Cherry Pectoral
in China, playin' "Yankee Doodle," in Ja
pan, openin' a land office in Artzonia, kiss
in' Queens everywhere, and makin' himself
at home generally, without invitation.
Truth and Right God and-oar. Country.
Sporting Under Difficulties.
The Hon. Grantley F. Berkley, a scion of
one of England's noblest families, lately
came over to this country to do a little hun
ting in the West, and brought with him a
a select pack of dogs, as a lineage as an
cient and respectable as that of their mas
ter. These aristocratic animals have met
with the most brutal treatment from those
proverbially grum gentleman who figure as
baggage agents on the northern roads, and
Mr. Berkley pours out his griefs—scarcely
inferior to those of VVerler—in the follow
ing letter to a Iriend in New York:
ST. LOUIS, September 15, 1859.
My Pear Sir: 1 hay tftlli —' fire
my famous old English blood hound Druid,
so celebrated in the new forest in Hamp
shire, in which he has run down upward of
three huudred of the royal deer ; my red
setter dog Chance; my two retrievers, Bru
tus and Alice; and a splendid lurcher,
given to me by the Marquis of Breadalbane
purposely to try on the prairies. This dog,
to look at, is a complete grayhound, but
from his being iwice removed from a cross
with old Foxhound, though silent, he will
run by nose until he brings a wounded an
imal to bay, whet, he will fling his tongue,
and keep bay until the hunters come up.
I regret to say I have met, with but one
exception, with the most extortionate im
position from the baggage masters through
out the distance I have traveled. The com
panies assign no place for the transit of
dogs, and their cost at the option of the
baggage masters. This is Cfl("<WWg, and if
not amended, will deter me and all Eng
land from ever bringing our dogs with us,
a fact which will keep us away. My visit
was an experiment, which I intended should
have induced a fraternization between the
sportsmen and dogs of the two countries ;
but the railway misery of our valuable dogs
will, if not amended, defeat my object Bo
highly and desirable was myproject thought
of in the mother country, that Sir J Cunard
built me kennels on the deck of the Africa,
and refused to permit any charge to be
made for their transit. In America, the
baggage masters were permitted to force
their own terms, and to refuse my dogs any
transit unless 1 came into their exhorbilant
terms which, between two ol the stations,
in a day's travel, amounted to ten dollars. I
would not have minded any cost, provided
gold could buy sale and
ters' lor animals who had
and my home for years with me, but it is
too bad to make me thus pay, and then risk
the breaking of my dogs legs among heavy
trunks and baggage !
Very truly yours,
GRANTLKY F. BERKELV,
The Spirit of the Times, insinuates that if
Mr. Berkely had, in imitation of the Mar
quis of Waterford, Lord Stanley, and other
English gentlemen, democratised himself a
little, and condescended to make some ac
quaintance in New York, he would have
been put on the right track, and saved much
annoyance.
Seeking Information.
"Can you direct me to the ——Hotel?"
inquired a gentleman, with a carpet bag in
hand, of a burly Htberian, standing on the
steps of a railway station.
"Faix an' it's jist meself that ttoßpjlo that
same," replied l'addy; "you see, you jist
go up that strate, till you come to Teddy
O'Mulligan's shop; thin—"
"But I don't know where Teddy O'Mulli
gan's 6hop is."
' Och, an' sure I didn't think uv that.—
Well, thin, yer honor must kape on till ye
git to the apple woman's stand, on the cor
ner of the brick church it is, an' kape that
on the right an' go till ye git to the sign uv
the red cow—thin ye go on till ye git to
the sign uv the big watch, kape that on the
left; thin ye kape on a tittle lurder till ye
come to a big tree, an' after that ye turn to
the right.or left—be the bones uv St. Pat
rick, 1 don't known which; thin—"
The traveler turned in despair to a long,!
lank, slab-sided looking Jonathan, who was |
standing close by, whittling with all fury,
and made the same inquiry. But here he
was little better off.
"Maybe you're gwiue to put up there ?"
was the response of Jonathan.
"1 intend to," said the tarveler, " if I can
j get at it."
"Did you come from far off?"
"Yes, from Philadelphia," was the impa
tient reply, "but can't you tell me where
the
"Got any more baggage ?" said the im
perlurable wbittler.
"No, this is all," said the traveler, con
vinced that the only way to get the direc
tion was to submit to the questioning.
"Gwine to stay long ?"
"Couldn't say," was the reply, in rather
a crusty manner. "But I'm in a hurry, and
wonld like to be directed to——"
"Wait a minute. I reckon you're a mar
ried man, aint ye?"
"No, lam not. And now I won't an
swer any more of your impertinant"!fUerieS',
till you have satisfied me where I can' find
the "
"Wal, squire," quoth the Yankee, cool as
a cucumber, "I'd like to oblige you ; but
the truth is, I'm a stranger, and have never
been in them digging's myself. Bat you
can enquire at "
"Oh, you go to the I" said the traveler
smartly turning upon his heel.
In less than a minute, a carpet bag with
a man attached, was seen hurrying away
from said "digging's," fully convinced that
; asking directions in such a quarter, was of
no particular advantage.
IRRESISTIBLE.
She tied the new cravat
Which she so kindly made me ;
Then smoothed wi h care my hat,
And with her arms delayed me.
She brushed tny 'glossy hair,'
And said it was so curly!
While going down the stairs,
She cried, 'come home, DEAR, early !'
How happy then was I
With all 1 e'er desired ;
I fortune could defy,
While thus 1 was admired I
We parted at the door—
Her smile deserved a sonnet !
'Dear love, but one thing more,
1 want —a new spring bouuet.' ,
"Let Me Die Quietly"
"Be still—make no noise—let me die
quietly."— Vice President King.
"Be still ?" The hour of the soul's de
parture is at hand ; earth is fading from its
visions. Time is gliding from its present !
Hope that cluster around young life, lhat
swells in the bosom of manhood, have fal
len around it like the frosts ot autumn have (
chilled them unto death. Ambition, with
its lofty look, have vanished away. The
world, with its deceitlulness; pleasure, with
its gilded temptations, are gone ; and alone,
in utter destruction of all that lime promis
ed, it must start on its solemn journey
across the valley of the shadow of death I
"Make no noise !" Let the tumult oflife
cease. Let no sound break the soul's com
munion with itself ere it starts on its re
turnless flight. Trouble it not with accents
-of sorrow. Let the tear stand still on the
cheek of affections, and let not the wailing
of grief break the solemn silence of the
death-scene. Let it gather the accents that
come from within the dark shadow ot eter
nity, saying to it, come home. Alar off the
music came floating to it in the air. 'Tis
the sound of heavenly harps touched by
viewless fingers. Mar not the harmony by
the discord of earth.
"Let me die quietly !" The commotions
of life, the life warning with human desti
ny are over. Wealth accumulated mnst be
scattered ; honors won must be resigned
| and all the triumphs lhat come within the
range of human achievements must be
thrown away. The past, with its trials, its
transgressions, its accumulated responsibili
ties, its clinging memories, its vanished
hopes, its rendering up to the future ac
count; disturb not the quiet of that awful'
reckoning. Speak not of fading memories
of affections whose objects perish in their
loveliness, like the flowers ol spring, or
wither in a slow decay.
Talk not of an early home where loved
ones linger, where a seat will soon be va
cant, a cherished voice hushed forever, or
of the desolution that will seat itself by the
hearth-Mono. The soul is at peace with
God, let it pass calmly away. Heaven is
opening upon its vision. The bright tur
rets, the tall spires, the holy domes of the
Eternal City are emerging from the spec
tral darkness, and the glory of the Most
High is drawing around them. The white
throne is glistening in the distance, and the
white robed angels are beckoning the
weary spirit to its everlasting home.
What is life that it shonld be clung to
longer ? What are the joys of the world
lhat they should be regretted ? What .has
earth to place before the spirit of man to
tempt its stay or turn it from its eternal rest?
ST A worthy lady who had two chil- j
drett sick with the measeles, wrote to a !
friend for the best remedy. The friend had
just receieved a note from another lady in
quiring the way to make pickets. In the
confusion, the lady who inquired about the
pickles, received the remedy for the mea
sles, and the anxious mother of the sick
children, with horror, read the following :
"Scald them three or four times in very
hot vinegar, and sprinkle them with salt; 1
in a few days they wilt be cured."
GT A gentleman being in company
with a sprightly damsel ot fourteen, was
somewhat annoyed by her playful trickery.
| At length be exclaimed :
"Now, my dear girl, be still."
This was touching a cord of feminine
J vanity which is always sure vibrate. As-
Burning an air of importance, and retiring
to a position of defiance, she responded :
"Girl I indeed ! lam as much of a wo
man as you are."
IT* " BUSTED." —AImost every wagon
bound for the gold mines has some motto or
other in large letters on the cover. A few
weeks ago one was noticed with, " For
Pike's Peak, or Bust." Recently the same
wagon returned with this addition to the
motto. "Busted, by G—d."
- - - --
• 17* A very polite young man, whishing
to ask a young lady if he might speak to
ber a few momonts, wanted to know "if he
could roll the wheel of conversation around
the axletree of her undertandiug a moment.'
The poor girl fainted.
17* "John." said a master to his appren
tice as he was about to start on a short jour
ney "you must occupy my place while 1
am away."
"Thank you, sir," demurely replied John
"but I'd rather 'sleep' with the boys."
THE following strange epitaph was taken
from a tombstone in Sterling, Miss :
' As she on her bed of sickness lay,
Her friends stood weeping round,
She not a word to them could say,
No medicine could they get down."
A Word to Fretful Wive*. I
There you are, with your mouth pucker
ed up again ! What's the mater I Are j
yonr friends all dead ? No—well, have
you lost every cent you ever owned ? Now, |
are your children sick ? Is your husband
cross ? have you got the toothache or heart
ache? Neither of these and still as cross
as a young bear ! We wonder how your
family can endure your presence. Those '
young hearts, whose sun you ought to be—
how you chill them with your frowns and
pettishness ! No wonder they long to get
out of the house. And now you have
struck your little child because "he would
not stop teasing." Friend, that blow fell
on his soul, and left an indelible scar there.
He will leel it long after he has forgotten it.
Many years from now, when your head is
laid low in the grave, that blow, given with
out cause—impatiently, angrily, will do its
work.
Why can't yon be good natured ? Were
you never so? Memory points to the days
of your girlhood—seldom the lines of anger
disfigured your brow then. And the man
who won your love thought what a happy
home she will make for me ! How sweet
it will be to sit down by her side after the
cares of the day are over! How beautiful
to read for her pleasure—to be repaid by
smiles and kisses. And the home was
ready, and the bride established—but she
proved unworthy of the trust reposed in
her. Instead of meeting care with a hear
ty laugh, and "get behind me Satan," you
worried and fretted, and began to tell every
little trouble to her husband. It was not
womanly; it betrayed a weakness of both
head and mind I Imperceptibly its influ
ence crept into his spirit, chilling it with a
worse chill than lhat of death, till it made a
shroud of iron for the disappointed heart,
and the charm of love and family and
home was gone.
J " Was once !"—how often these words drop
Irom your lips. "I was handsome once—l
was this, that, the other once" and why
not now? You yourself have willed your
j own destiny—you have chosen the scold's
j office; you must receive the scold's deserts.
| A little philosophy, a few words breathed
jto heaven for patience—a new resolute
I hope for to morrow if to-day be stormy—a
| little selfdenial in telling petty crosses—a
i great deal less selfishness—a desire to make
homo a sanctuary for yourself'and little
, ones as well as your husband—and to day
I would have been happier, handsomer, and
more beloved.
Fretting sister in light affliction, let us
ask a few plain questions. Does a spirit of
faultfinding lighten your cares? If your
bread is burned to cinder, does it bring you
a good light, sweet loaf, to sit down and
, worry about it ? If the baby is cross, does
it make him smile like an angel to shake
him almost out of existence ? If it rains
, on washing day, will your anathemas hurry
, out the sun until he stops right over your
j clothes lirue ?• But if your quick hands
should turn'tbYhe flour barrel to mould an
other loaf—if you soothe the weeping babe
with sweet words of a mother's pitying
love, if you devote your washing day to
i some appropriate work, how smoothly care
will iron down his features, and become
your humble slave, instead of the tyranni
cal master he would be.
It is not too late yet. Surprise your hus
band with a smile—it will be worth a dol
lar to see his glance of astonishment; hold
the salted water of thoughtfolness in your
mouth, that you may say nothing unpleas
ant, and the angel that has been lying pros
trate in his heart with folded wings will be
gin to flutter, and lilt itself heavenward and
look out of his eyes with the love of the
olden time, and yojr home will yet be the
paradise you once coveted.
BROOH CORN. —An Illinois paper makes
the following statement:—"There is a field
of broom corn this season in the vicinity of
Rockford, Illinois, of nearly eight hundred
acres. The seed was planted by machinery,
the corn being drilled in rows, two feet
apart. The whole crop is contracted at
eighty-five dollars per ton. The crop this
year will amount to twenty thousand dol
lars.
W A young gentleman at a temperance
meeting, on being asked to sign the pledge,
excused himself by saying :
"I am not quite ready."
At the close of the meeting he proposed
tOa accompany a young lady home, she
replied : "I am not quite ready, sir."
tv A western paper, in describing the
effect of a severe thunder shower, says: "A
cow was struck by lightning and instantly
killed, belonging to the village physician,
who had a call four days old."
17* Somebody says, "a wife should be
like a roasted lamb—tender and nicely dres
sed." A scamp adds, "and without any
sauce."
HT If a woman could talk out of the two
corners of her mouth at the same time, there
would be a good deal to be said on both
sides.
IdT" A little boy returning from the Sun
day School said to his mother : "Ma, ain't
there a tit/enchism for little boys ? this cut
chism is so hard."
17* They have a new kind of girls
down at Newport this year—"girls ail un
conscious of their charms."
[Two Dollars per Annum
NUMBER 40,
<tl)C farmer anb fjonoekecper.
From the Gtnesee Furmtr.
Original Domestic Receipts.
BAKED QUINCE. —Bake until perfectly ten.
der l'are, core, butter, and sugar while
hot, thoroughly mix. Excellent. With care
in picking and storing, quinces may be
saved for baking unlit mid-winter.
SWEET POTATOE PlE —Boil the potatoes
very soft, then peel and mash thera. To
every quarter of a pound, put one quart of
milk, three table-spoonfuls of butter, four
beaten eggs, together with sugar and nut*
meg to the taste. It is improved by a glass
of wine.
TUNBRIDCE CAKE —Six ounces of butter,
six of sugar, three-quarters of a pound of
flour, two eggs, and a tea-spoonful of rose
water. Stir to a cream the but'.er and sugar,
then add the eggs, flour and spice. Roll it
out thin, and cut into small cakes.
FRUIT CAKE —One pound and a half of
flour, one pound of sugar, one-fourth of a
pound of butter, one pint of sweet milk,
six eggs, Iruit and spice as much as you
please.
JEI.LV CAKE. —One pound of butter, one ol
sugar, or.e of flour, twelve eggs, nutmeg
and rose-water. Butter a dinner plate aud
bake thin; trim the edges with a pen knife.
FRENCH Losr.—One pound of flour, one
of butter, one of sugar, gill of milk, gill of
brandy, gill of wine, seven eggs, as much
fruit as you please.
COOKIES.— Five cups flour, two of sugar,
one of butter, one tea spoon saleratus, three
eggs, and caraway. Baked thin.
A RICH CORN BREAD —Take two quarts
corn meal, one quart wheat flour, a little
salt, and tour eggs; add sour buttermilk
enough to form a stiff batter ; mix well;
then add two tea-spoonfuls of sodadisßolved
in a little warm water. Stir it well and pour
it into greased pans, so that it will be about
two inches thick when baked. Bake in a
hot oven till done—say about half an hour.
To MAKE GOOD BREAD. —First, get good
flour. Second, take one quart of flour,
scald it by pouring over it some boiling wa
ter. Then lor each loaf of bread you want
to make, add one pint of cold water; stir in
flour till it is as thick as can conveniently
be stirred. Then put in one half pint of
good bop-yeaf"i lor every four loaves. Set
it to rise overflight. In the morning make
up by adding flour till it is stiff dough.—
Knead well, mould into loaves, and, when
light, bake it well, and you will have good
| bread.
I MINCE PIE, SALT BEEF —BoiI the beef till
j very tender, lake frorr. the bone, and chop
fine; then to every pound of meat, add one
pound and a half of apples, pared and cor-
I ed. Chop both together until the apples
are fine, then to every five pounds of the
mixture, add two tea-spoonfuls of black
pepper, two table-spoonfuls of allspice,
half a pound of raisins, one cup of vinegar,
: one of molasses, one of dried blackberries,
stewed, and one pint of sweet cream.
PUMPKIN PlE. —Halve the pumpkin, take
out the seeds, wash it clean, and cut it into
small pieces. These are to be slewed gen
tly until soft, then drained, and strained
' through a reive. To one quart of the pulp,
| add three pints cream or milk, six beaten
eggs, together with sugar, mace, nutmeg,
' and ginger, to the taste. When the ingre
r dients are well mixed., pour them upon pie
plates, having a bottom crust, and bake
1 forty minutes in a hot oven.
| BAKED BEANS. —To have a nice dish of
baked beans, parboil half an hour, adding
a little soda ; then pour ofT the water and
rinse them. Add your pork already notch
, ed, cover them with water, and let them
j boil an hour, adding a tea-spoonful of sugar
!to every quart of beans. Then put them in
a baking dish, and let them brown nicely.
| INDIAN TOAST —Place two quarts of milk
' over the fire. When it boils, add a spoon-
J ful of flour to thicken, a tea-spoonful of salt,
; a small lump of butter, two table-spoonfuls
lof sugar. Have ready in a deep dish six or
eight slices of light Indian bread toasted.—
I Pour the mixture over them. Serve hot.
BUCKWHRAT FOR MILCH COWS. —An Orange
I county N. Y., dairyman, S. C. Roe, feeds
largely of buckwheat, without grinding.—
! The grain is boiled with the,hulls |on, and
| when thoroughly soaked, put into the feed
| box, at the rate of two quarts to each cow.
| He adds two quarts of dry meal, which the
heat and steam of the buckwheat cooks—
this is sprinkled over cut hay, morning and
evening, as the daily feed of the cow. He
thinks half clover hay well made, is better
with grain, than twice the quantity of tim
othy with the same grain.
APPLES IN OHIO.— The Ohio Farmer says :
"Apples are everywhere a failure. [lt
means of coarse in interior Ohio.] The ap
ple disease is as fatal and wide spread as
the potatoe disease in its fullest vigor. Ev
erywhere trees are dying—the leaves tnrn
yellow, the twigs dry up, and the fruit drops
oil, or, if it hangs on till mature, it is gnarly
and only half size, very often wormy. Fine
apples, of full size, smooth skins, and good
flavor, are the exception, not the rule, in
all the rigion that sends fruit to this city.—
No one can tell."
FOR SPAVIN.— Bin-iodide of mercury, five
grains; lard one ounce. Mix well. Rub
the size of a white bean into the spavin
once a day, until it produces a discharge
from the skin. This application will reduce
almost any bard swelling, even when it is
ol a bony nature.