THE STAR OP THE NORTH. " W. H. JACOB*, Proprietor.] VOLUME 11. STAB OF THE NORTH. ruibisitst) BVMIY WEDNESDAY BY WM. 11. JACOBY, flffitt t)tt Main St., Ird Square below Market, TORMS: —Two Dollars per annum if paid I within six months from the time of subscrib ing: two dollars and filty cts. if not paid with in the year. No subscription taken for a loss kieriod than six months; no discontinuance permitted until all arrearages are paid, un less at the option of the editor. The terms if advertising will be as follows : yne square, twelve lines, three times, SI 00 Every subsequent insertion, ...... 25 jOne square, three months, 3 00 'One year, . 8 00 €i?oite yoelrrt. ME OLD FAKI DOUSE. In a little grove of shade trees Stands a farm house, btown and old, With a wealth of vines around it, Gemm'd with flowers of red and gold, By the path Ivhich makes a circle Of while sand around the lawn, Grow sweet timothy and clover, Rosy as a June day dawn. Round its door pale morning glories, Jump up-Johnnies, dahlias, pinks, Cluster—concentrated beauties, Married by a thousand links ; (.inks of love, the work of nature's Mystery as handicraft ; (.inks ol glory, through which fairy Argosies ol perfume waft. And the gate that swings before it, And the fences as white as snow, Stand on variegated cushions, Which tlie sun fire sets aglow, Crowning them with many colors— Yellow, purple, green, and blue— As if rainbow there had (alien, Melted into rarest dew. , On its roof the greenest mosses Catch the shadows from the trees ; On its sides red honey-suckls Make their curtesies to the breeze; And the ever-nervous willow, Standing near the garden's bound, Throw a web'of shade fantastic Oil the clover-mantled ground. O'er the well and arch of grape vines, Formed with heaven directed care, Chains the shadows to the water, Making cool the summer air ; And a tiny church, its steeple Piercing through a bower of leaves, Is a sure and sacred refuge Where the wren her carol weaves. DIVORCED BY MISTAKE. One winter there catne to Trenton, New Jersey, two men, named Smith and Jones, who had both of them designee on the Leg islature. Jones had a bad wile and was in love with a pretty woman—he wished to be divorced from his bad wife, so that he might marry the pretty woman, who by the way, was a widow, with black eyes, and such a form ? Therefore Jones catne to Trenton lor a divorce. Smith had a good wife, good as an angel, and the mother of ten children, and Smith did not want to be divorced, but wanted to get a charter for a turnpike or plankroad to extend from Pig's Run to Terrapin Hollow. "Well, they, with these different errands, came to Trenton, and addressed the assem bled wisdom with the usual arguments First, suppers mainly composed of oysters with rich background of venison ; second liquors in great plenty, from "Jersey light ning," which is a kind ol locomotive at full speed, reduced to liquor shape, to Newark champagne. To speak in plain prose, the divorce man gave a champagne supper, and Smith, the turnpike man, followed with a champagne breakfast, under the molifyir.g influence of which the assmbled wisdom passed both the divorce and turnpike bills ; and Jones and Smith—a copy of each bill in their pockets—went home rejoicing, over many miles of sand, and through the tribulation -of many stage coaches. Smith arrived home in the evening, and he sat down in his parlor, his pretty wife beside him—how pretty she did look I —and five of her children overhearing the other five studying their lessons in the corner of the room, Smith was induced to expatiate ' upon the good results of his mission to Trenton. "A turnpike, my dear; I am one of the directors and will be President. It will set •oe up, love ; we can send our children to • (he boarding school, and live in style out of (he toll. Here is the charter, honey." "Let me see it," said the pretty little wife, who was one of the nicest of wives, ■with plumpness and goodness dimpling all La over her face. "Let me see it," as she * leaned over Mr Smith's shoulder. But all at once Smith's vissage grew long; Smith's wife's vissage grew black. Smith - ' was not profane, but uow he ripped oot an awful oath. t "Blast us, wife, those infernal scoundrels at Trenton have gone and divorced us!" ft WW too true ; the parchment which he (held Mas a -bill of divore, in which the narneMt Smith and Smith's wife appeared in frightfully legible letters. Mrs. jfenith wiped her eyes with the cor ner of hcraproo. "Here's a turnpike," said she sadly, "and with ths wliutu of our ten children staring ne in the fee, I ain't your wife! Here' a (urnpike." 6jg "Blast the iHt(igd the Legislature and—" Well the factis that Smith, reduced to aingle blessedness, enacted into a stranger (o his own wile, swore aWftly. Although (he night was dark, and the deni zens of Smith's town had gondPbed,Smith bid bis late wife to put on heMbonnet, and arm and arm they proceeded to the clergy man of their church. "Goodness bless me!" exclailiMLthe BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 1859. good man, as he saw them enter. Smith looking like the last of June shad, Smith's wife wiping ber eyes with the corner of her apron—"Goodness bless me, what's the matter?" "The matter is, I want you to marry us two right off," replied Smith. "Marry you !" ejaculated the clergyman with expanded fingers and awlul eyes; "are you drunk, or what is the matter with you ?" However, he filially married them over straightway and would not take a fee ; tke fact is, grave as he was, he was dying to be alone that he might give vent to a suppres sed laugh that was shaking him all over ; and Smith and Smith's wife went joyfully home and kissed every one of their chil dren. The little Smiths never knew that their father and mother had ever been made strangers to each other by legislative enactment. Meanwhile, and on the same night, Jones returned to his native town—Burlington, 1 believe—and sought at once the fine black eyes which he had hoped shortly :o call his own. The pretty widow sat on the sofa, a white kerchief lied carelessly around her whith throat, her black hair laid in silky waves against each rosy cheek. "Divorce is the word," cried Jones, play fully patting her double chin ; "the fact is, Eliza, I am rid of that cur>-ed woman, and you and I'll be married to-night. 1 knew how to manage those scoundrels at Trenton. A champagne supper—or was it a break fast did the business for them. "Put on your bonnet and let us go to the preacher's at once, dearest." The widow, who was among widows as peaches among apples, put on her bonnet and took Jone's arm, and— "Just look how handsome it is put on parchment!" cried Jones, pulling out the document before her; "here's the law thai says that Jacob Jones and Ann Caroline Jones are two." Putting her plump gloved hand on his shoulder, she did look. "O dear !" she said, with her rosy lips, and sank back, hall-fainting on the sofa. ! "0 blazes !" cried Jones, and sank beside j her rnstling the fatal parchment in his hand; i "here's a lot of happiness and champagne ! gone to ruin." It was a hard case. Instead of being di- j vorced and at liberty to marry the widow, Jacob Jones was simply incorporated into a turnpike company, and what made it worse, authorized to run from Burlington to Bris tol ! When you reflect that Burlington and Bristol are located just a little apart, on op posite sides of the Delaware river, you will observe the extreme hopelessness of Jones' case. "It's all the fault of that turnpike man who gave them champagne supper—or was it the breakfast?" cried Jones in agony. "If they had chartered me a turnpike from Pig's Run to Terrapin Hollow, 1 might have borne it; but the very idea of building a turnpike from Burlington to Bristol bears an absurdity oo the face ol it. So it did. "And ain't you divorced ?" said Eliza, a tear running down each cheek. "No!' thundered Jones, crushing his hat between his knees, and what's worse the Legislature is adjourned, and gone home drunk and won't be back to Trenton till next year. It was a hard case. The mistake (?) had occurred on the last day of the session, when legislators and transcribing clerks were laboring under a champagne breakfast. Smith's name had been put where Jones' ought to have been, and "wisey wersey," as the Latid poet has it. 17" A COOL OPERATION. —' Halloo, there, captaing !" said a "brother Jonathan" to a captain of a canal packet on the Erie Canal, "what do you charge for passage ?" "Three cents per mile, and boarded," said the captain. "Wal, I guess I'll take passage, capting, seeing as how 1 am kinder gin eout walk ing so far." Accordingly he got on board just as the Stewart was ringing the bell for dinner.— Jonathan sat down and began to demolish the "fixins," to the utter consternation ol the captain, until he had cleared the table of all that was eatable, when he got up and went on deck, picking his teeth very com fortably. "How far is it, capting, from here to where I came aboard I" "Nearly one and a half miles," said the captain. "Let's see," said Jonathan, "that would be just four and a half cents; but never mind, capting, I wont be small; here's five cents, which pays my fare to here ; I guess I'll go ashore now ; I'm kinder rested out." SHREWD —An insurance agent in one of the cities tell the following in illustration of the verdancy of a gentleman in Pike coun ty, Indiana, with whom he had effected a policy of insurance:—"ln the list of printed questions in the company's blanks there is one like this: 'Ashes—how kept?' The Pike county gentleman was burned out, and after tbe fire discovered this question in his policy, and, resolving to make a sure thing of his premium, wrote our informant some thing in this wise : 'Dear Sir:—l was burn ed out on the day of —, and, according to your laws, 1 have kept the ashes. They are in barrels; what shall Ido with them ?" I 17 Pride and Poverty go hand in hand. The Washington Monument. A correspondent sends the N. Y. Post the following plan for a monument to Washing ton : First, a square base of white marble, four feet high above the general surface; the side of the square would be about fifty feet. This wnite marble square base would indi cate the purity and rectitude of the motives which prompted the thirteen original states to assert their independence. Next above a course having mouldings all around. On this course would be raised a column of thirteen sides, to represent the thirteen ori ginal states; each side would be about twelve feet broad, and about twonly-four feet high; iu the centre of each side would be placed a slad of the purest white marble, about six feet square, upon which would be sculptured in alio relievo the arms of the thir teen states. Near the corners of each face be niches, in which would be placed statues of the representatives of the representative stales who signed the Declaration of Inde pendence. The sides would face, as nearly as possible, the direction of the geographi cat situation of the states. Next above would be raised a column of twenty sides, to represent the twenty new slates that have already sprang from the original thirteen. In each face would be placed, as before, a white marble slab, on which would be sculptured, in alio relievo, the arms of the new states. These sides would, of course, be proportionably narrower than the lower, but would be about thirty feet high, and would have niches for the reception of stat ues of other great men who have rendered signal service to ihe country. On the top would be placed one solid block of marble, of a hemispherical form, upon which would be placed a colossal statue of Washington, just so large that when seen from the sur face of the ground, near the base of the column, the statue would appear of life size. Over the statue of Washington would be erected a beautiful temple, with open doors on each side, so as not to interfere much with the view of the statue from the ground, and above the temple would be raised a richly ornamented spire, about fifty feet high, surmounted by the American eagle, with his eyes directed towards heav en, to indicate the noble and lofty aspira tions of this great country. Inside the col umn there would be a winning staircase leading to a slighting projecting gallery near the bottom ot the hemisphere. The heighlh of the monument to the top of the statue would be about eighty feet, and to the sum mit of the spire about oue hundred and forty feet. A good many monuments commemora tive of great men and great events have been suggested, but none possessing the same features as this. For in this design there is ample room for the display ot the highest artistic genius of a Flaxman, a Thor waldscn or a Powers in embodying in rude inanimate matter great national ideas. We have, in the first place, the thirteen original states bound together in national compact and utility, filly represented by the lower part of the column ; above these the twenty new states properly represented, having been raised and founded by the thirteen original states—the whole together faithful ly embodying the national motto— E phtribus uttum; and above these, raised as it were by unanimous voice ot the thirty-three slates which now compose the nation, we hare the statue of the renouned Washington stan ding erect on the new hemisphere, the lib erty of which he in good part achieved ; and the eagle looking towards heaven from the summit of the lofty spire figuratively indicating the high and holy ambition of this great Republic. Besides all this, the memory of the good men who contributed so much to Washington's success, and to our national independence and greatness, is not forgotten; they are allotted appropriate places. If this design be found worthy of adop tion by the nation, the subscriber will most gladly give his time and aitention to the elaboration of the details without fee or reward. TW "I 'LL BUT IT FOR YOU. —In the in terior of South Carolina there lived, some years ago, an old man very rich and not very well "posted up." His only son was educated at the South Carolina College, and after graduating was sent to Europo by his indulgent parent. On his return his father asked him what he saw in Europe. The son replied that he had seen a great many rare and beautiful things and many fine cities. "Did you see any place you liked better lhan home ?" asked the old man. "Oh, yes," was the reply j "I saw Lon don and Paris—both very fine cities." "Which did you like best ?" queried the father. "Paris," replied the eon. "You liked Paris a great deal, did you ? " continued the old man. "Oh, yes, very much." "Then I'll buy it for you ! triumphantly replied the old gentleman. 17* The following toast was given at the late anniversary of the New Englanl Socie ty, of Mianeappolis, Minn.: THS LIVE YANKEE. —He'sdrivin' hiskeows to paster all over the Continent; keepin' school in Australia, peddlin' Cherry Pectoral in China, playin' "Yankee Doodle," in Ja pan, openin' a land office in Artzonia, kiss in' Queens everywhere, and makin' himself at home generally, without invitation. Truth and Right God and-oar. Country. Sporting Under Difficulties. The Hon. Grantley F. Berkley, a scion of one of England's noblest families, lately came over to this country to do a little hun ting in the West, and brought with him a a select pack of dogs, as a lineage as an cient and respectable as that of their mas ter. These aristocratic animals have met with the most brutal treatment from those proverbially grum gentleman who figure as baggage agents on the northern roads, and Mr. Berkley pours out his griefs—scarcely inferior to those of VVerler—in the follow ing letter to a Iriend in New York: ST. LOUIS, September 15, 1859. My Pear Sir: 1 hay tftlli —' fire my famous old English blood hound Druid, so celebrated in the new forest in Hamp shire, in which he has run down upward of three huudred of the royal deer ; my red setter dog Chance; my two retrievers, Bru tus and Alice; and a splendid lurcher, given to me by the Marquis of Breadalbane purposely to try on the prairies. This dog, to look at, is a complete grayhound, but from his being iwice removed from a cross with old Foxhound, though silent, he will run by nose until he brings a wounded an imal to bay, whet, he will fling his tongue, and keep bay until the hunters come up. I regret to say I have met, with but one exception, with the most extortionate im position from the baggage masters through out the distance I have traveled. The com panies assign no place for the transit of dogs, and their cost at the option of the baggage masters. This is Cfl("