THE STAR OF THE NORTH.
M, 11. JACOBY, Proprietor.]
VOLUME 11
STAR OF THE NORTH.
rUBLIHHKD EVERY WEDNESDAY BY
\YM. 11. JACOBY,
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WHAT KATY REALLY DID.
Oh, Katy, dear, you know you did,
At midnight's silent hour,
Steal i-oltly through the moonlight,
To this my pleasant bower;
And here beneath i s vines and leaves, .
By blushing roses hid,
Yon met the man you love Kate,
You did, you UHOW you did
Ami here you leaned upon Ills breast,
His arm was round your waist.
Your hand was locked in his, Kale,
And when he stooped to taste
The nectar that was on votir lip,
Ilow gently was he chid—
You loved to hear his whispered vows, <
You did, you know you did.
The moon was in the sky, Kate,
The stars were watching there,
The gentle breath of Summer night
Was sporting in your hair;
1 listened to your words. Kate,
Though soft and low they fell,
1 heard them every one, Kate,
And if I would, could tell.
But never fear me. gentle one,
Nor waste a thought or 'ear.
Lestl should whisper what 1 heard
In any mortal ear.
I only spoil among the boughs,
And like a spirit hid.
I think on what I saw and heard,
And laugh out, "Katy-Did."
I sit among the leaves here.
When evening zephrys sigh.
And those that listen to my voice,
1 love to mystify.
I never teli them all I know,
Although I'm often bid,
1 laugh at curiosity,
And chirrup "Katy-Did."
1 would not make you blush, Kate,
Your innocence 1 know—
-1 know your spotless puiity,
Is like the virgin snow.
And yet you'd better not. Kate,
Although yon think you're hid,
Steal to tny bower by moonlight,
As once you know you did.
or A SKING A BLESSING. —''Sit up, Mr.
Brock, and lake breakfast with us."
"1 thank yer, I'v jees eat," said Mr. Brock)
" Set up, and have some more."
"No, I thank yer, 1 aim go", enny 'casion.'
"Well, Mr Brock, I insist that you shall
sit up and partake with us."
"Wall," said Mr. Brock, as long as yer
insist 'pott it so hard, and seein' as how
your got bread, 1 11 b'lieve I'll take a leetlc
Mr. Brock and all the family were soon
seated at the table. Mr. Brock being call
ed upon to say "grace," cleared up his
throat and commenced, "Glide Lord, look
down frum abuv and hav marcy on us here,
and thar, and everywhere else. Sum of the
rest of you must ax the blessin, fer I'll be
Banged ef I kin." Without further cere
mony Mr. Brock "pitched in," and pretty
soon a big dish disappeared from before
him.
tST Insulting.— I'eter and Sambo, two
lipped darkies, were "suitin" about a 'coon
hide. Sambo, as he expressed it, becom
ing disgustefied with the fuss, said, "Look
a here Peter, less hush up dis hero fuss."
"I'm willin," said Peter.
■"So is 1," said Sainbo, "and less talk
fefiout dogs. How's yer old woman and
chile, Peter." The indignant Pete make a
grasp at Sambo's windpipe. Sambo acted
very wisely— he run'
. ....
ty French Fun.—"Why do you make
war on Austria 1" said a youngster to a
comrade.
"Stupid ! don't you know we are open
ing new Boulevards every day ?"
"Brother your Boulevards I That don't
explain the war."
"Yes it does, 100. As soon as wo open
new Boulevards we have to make war."
''But why V'
"To find uames of victories for them to
be sure."
A Yankee lad, whose father was a larm-
Dt, went into the barn to play a short time
Hk. and being detained prisoner by a
jjfander storm, he fell asleep on a bag of
■po. The old gentleman when the storm
]|it over, went into the lurm-yard to look
ttttrtfiason, and met a giant eight feet
nßkepratng out of the barn.
who are you ?" he cried, "what
ere here 1"
squeaked the Goliah,
"it's you know Tommy 1"
astonished parent exclaimed;
on earth did you get
stretchshort a time ?"
"Why, the boy, looking
down upon the gfWng man, "1 slept
upon them bags ofcflnsno in the barn,
and that the done the
business."
|C7" Whyis Queen a dog's
tail? Because the queen
and the dog's tail keeps a
MOCK TURTLE —Calling a husb^Hfcny
dear" in public, and "jou
vale. I
BLO'OWSBURG.'COLUItIBIA COUNTY. TA., WEDNESDAY. SEPTEMBER 14, 1859.
| MAJ. MOSES VAN CAMP'S
EARLY LIFE It*
COLUMBIA COUNTY.
" My first service was in the year 1777,
when 1 served throe months under Col. Jno.
Kelly, who stationed us at Big Isle, oil the
West Branch of the Susquehanna. Noth
ing particular transpired during that time,
ami in March, 1778, I was appointed lieu
tenant of a company of six-months men
Shortly afterward, I was ordered by Col.
Samuel Hunter to proceed with about 20
men to Fishipgcreek, (which empties into
'.he North Branch of the Susquehanna about
20 miles from Northumberland,) and to
build a fort about three miles from its mouth,
for the reception of the inhabitants in case
of an alarm from the Indians. In Mny, my
fort being nearly completed, our spies dis
covered a large body of Indians making
their way towards the fort. The neighbor
ing residents had barely time to fly (o the
fort for protection, leaving their goods be
hind. The Indians soon made their ap
pearance, and having plundered and burnt
the houses, attacked the fort, keeping a
steady fire upon its during the day. At
night they withdrew, burning and destroy
ing everything in their route. What loss
they sustained we could not ascertain, as
they carried off all the dead and wounded,
though from the marks of blood on the
ground, it must have been considerable
The inhabitants that took shelter in the fort
had built a yard for their cattle at the head
of a small flat at a short distance from the
fort; and one evening in the month of June,
just as they were milking them, my senti
nel called my attention to some movement
in the brush, which I soon discovered to be
Indians, makingtheir way to the cattle yard.
There was no time to be lost; I immediate
ly selected ten of my sharp-shooters, and
under cover of a rise of land, got between
them and the milker 6. On ascending the
ridge we found ourselves within pistol-shot
of them; I fired first, and killed tho leader,
but a volley lrom my men did no further
execution, the Indians running off at oncq.
It the mean time the milk pails flew in
every direction, and the best runner got to
the fort first; As the season advanced, In
dian hostilities increased, and notwithstand
ing the vigilance of our scouts, which were
constantly out, houses were burnt and fam
ilies murdered.
On the return of the army I was taken
with the camp-fever, and was removed to
the fort which I had built in '7B, where my
father was still living. In the course of the
winter I recovered my health, and my fath
er's house having been burnt in '7B by the
party which attacked the before mentioned
fort, my father requested me to go with him
and a younger brother to our farm, about
four miles distant, to make preparations for
building another, and raising some grain.—
But little apprehension was entertaiued of
molestations from the Indians this season,
as they had been so complete!) routed the
year before. We left the fort about the last
of March, accompanied by my uncle and
his son, about twelve years old, and one
Peter Pence. We had been on our farms
about four or five days, when on the morn
ing of the 30lh of March, we were surpris
ed by a party of ten Indians. My father
was lunged through with a war spear, his
throat was cut, and he was scalped ; while
my brother was tomahawked, scalped, and
thrown into the fire before my eyes. While
I was struggling with a warrior, the fellow
who had killed tny father drew his spear
from his body and made a violent thrust at
mo. I shrank lrom the spear; the savage
who had hold of me turned it with his hand
so that it only penetrated my vest and shirt
They were then satisfied with taking me
prisoner, as they had the same morning ta
ken my uncle's little son and Pence, though
they killed my uncle. The same party, be
fore they reached us, had loucbed on the
lower settlements of Wyoming, and killed a
Mr. Upson, and took a boy prisoner of the
name of Rogers. We were now marched
off up Fishingcreek, and in the afternoon of
the same day we came to Huntington,
where the Indians found four while men at
a sugar camp, who fortunately discovered
the Indians and fled to a house; the Indians
only fired on them and wounded a Captain
Ranson, when they continued their course
till night. Having encamped and made
their fire, we, tho prisoners, were tied and
well secured, five Indians lying on one side
of us and five on the other; in the morning
they pursued their course, and, leaving the
waters of Fishingcreek, touched the head
waters ol Hemlock creek, where they found
one Abraham Pike, his wife and child.—
Pike was made prisoner, but his wife and
child they painted, and told Joggo, squaw,
go home. The continued their course that
day, aud encamped the same night in the
same manner as the previous. It came into
my mind that sometimes individuals per
formed wonderful actions, and surmounted
the greatest danger. 1 then decided that these
fellows must die: and thought of the plan
to dispatch them. The next day I had an
opportunity to communicate my plan to my
fellow-prisoners; they treated it as a vision
ary scheme for three men to attempt to dis
paclh ten Indians. 1 spread before them the
advantages that three men would have over
ten whan asleep ; and that we would be the
first prisoners that would be taken into their
towns and villages alter our army had des
troyed their corn, that we should be tied to
the stake and suffer a cruel death ; we had
now an inch of ground to fight on, and if
we failed, it would only be death, and we
might as well die one way as another. That
day passed away, and having encamped for
ihe night, wo lay as before. In the morning
we came to the river, and saw their canoes;
they had descended the river and run their
canoes upon Little Tunkhannock creek, so
called. They crossed the river and set their
canoeß adrift. I renewed my suggestion to
my companions to dispatch litem that night,
and urged they must decide the question—
They agreed to make the trial; but how
shall we do it, was the question. Disarm
them, and each lake a tomahawk, and come
to close work at once. There are three of
us; plant our blows with judgment, and
three times three will make nine, and the
tenth one we can kill at our leasure. They
agreed to disarm them, and after that, one
take possession of the guns and fire, at the
one side of the four, and the other two lake
tomahawks on the other ide and di-patch
them. I observod that would be a very un
certain way; the first shot fired would give
the alarm ; they would discover it to be the
prisoners, and might defeat us. I had to
yield to their plan. Peter Pence was chos
en to fire the guns, Pike and myself to tom
ahawk ; we cut and carried plenty of wood |
to give them a good fire; the prisoners
were tied and laid in their places; after I
was laid down, one of them had occasion
to use his knife ; he dropped it at my feet;
I turned my foot over it and concealed it;
they all lay down and fell asleep. About
midnight I got up and found them in a
sound sleep. I slipped to Pence, who rose;
I cut him loose and handed him the knife ;
he did the same for me, and I in turn took
the knife and cut Pike loose ; in a minute's
time we disarmed them. Pence took his
station at the guns. Pike and myself with
our tomahawks took our stations; I was to
tomahawk three on the right wing, and Pike
two on the left. That moment Pike's two
awoke, and were getting up : here Pike pro
ved a coward, and laid down. It was a
critical moment. I saw there was no time
to be lost; their heads turned up fair; I dis
patched them ia a moment, and turned to
my lot as per agreement, and as I was about
to dispatch the last on my side of the fire,
Pence shot and did good execution ; there
was only one at the off wing that his ball
did not reach ; his name was Mohawke, a
stout, bold, daring fellow. In the alarm he
jumped ofT about three rods from the fire ;
he saw it was the prisoners who made the
attack, and giving the war-whoop, he darted
to take possession of the guns; I was as
quick to prevent him ; the contest was then
between him and myself. As I raised my
tomahawk, he turned quick to jump from
me ; I followed and struck at him, but
missing his head, my tomahawk struck his
shoulder, or rather the back of his neck ;
he pitched forward and fell ; and the same
time my foot slipped, and I fell by his side;
we clinched; his arm was naked; he
caught me round my neck; at the same
time I caught him with my left arm around
the body, and gave him a close hug, at the I
same lime l'eeliug for his knife, but could '
not reach it.
In our scuffle my tomahawk dropped out
My head was under the wounded shoulder,
and almost suffocated me with his blood. I
made a violent spring, and broke from his
bold; we both rose at the same time, and
he ran ; it took me some time to clear the
blood from my eyes; my tomahawk had got
covered up, and I could not find it in time
to overtake him ; he was the only one of
the party that escaped. Pike was powerless.
I always had a reverence for Christian de
votion. Pike was trying to pray, and Pence
swearing at him. charging him with cowar
dice, and saying it was no time to pray—
he ought to light; we were masters of the
ground, and in possession of all their guns,
blankets, match coats, &c. I then turned
my attention to scalping them, and recover
ing the scalps of my lather, brother, and
others, I strung them all on my bolt for safe
keeping. We kept our ground till morning,
and built a raft, it being near the bank of
the river where they hau encamped, about
fifteen miles below Tioga Point; we got all
our plunder on it, and set sail lor Wyoming,
the nearest settlement. Our raft gave way,
when we made for land, but we lost coil- I
siderable property, though wo saved our!
guns and ammunition, and took to land ;
wo reached Wyalusing late in lite afternoon.
Came to the narrows ; discovered a smoke
below, and a raft laying at the shore, by
which we were certain that a party of In
dians had passed us in the course of the
day, and had halted for the night. There
was no alternative for us but to rout them or
go over the mountain ; the snow on the
north side ol the hill was deep; we knew
from' the appearance of the raft that the
party must be small; we had two rifles
each; my only fear was of Pike's coward
ice. To know the worst of it, we agreed
that I should ascertain their number, and
give the signal lor the attack ; 1 crept down
the side of the hill so near as to see their
fires and packs, but saw no Indians. I con
cluded they had gone hunting for meat, and
that this was a good opportunity for us to
mako off with their raft to the opposite side
of the river. I gave the signal; they came
and threw their packs ou the raft, which
was made of small, dry pine timber; with
poles and paddles we drove her briskly
across the river, and bad got nearly out of
reach of shot, when two of them came in ;
they fired—their shots did no injury; we
soon got under cover of an island, and went
several miles ; we had waded deep creeks
through the day, the night was cold ; we
landed on an island and found a sink hole,
in which we made our fire; after warming
we were alayned by a cracking in the crußt;
Piko supposed the Indians had got on to
tho island, and WRS for calling for quarters ;
m .
Truth and Right Bod aiM our Country.
to keep him quiet we threatened him with
his life ; the stepping grew plainer, and
seemed coming directly to the lite ; I kept
a watch, and soon a noble racoon came un
der the light. 1 shot tho racoon,when Bike
jumped up and called out: "Quarters, gen
tlemen ; quarter, gentlemen !" I look my
game by the leg and threw it town to the
fire: "Here, you cowardly rasca," I cried,
"skin that and give us a roast lor supper."
The next night we reached Wyoming, and
there was much joy to see us ; we rested
one day, and it being not safe logo to North
umberland by laud, we procured a canoe,
and with Pence and my little cousin, we
descended the river by night; we came to
Fort Jenkins before day, where I lound Col.
Kelly and about 100 men encamped out of
the fort} he enWlc in the West
branch by the heads of Chillisquake to
Fishingcreek, ut the end of the Nob moun
tain, where my father and brother were kill
ed ; he had buried my father and uncle; my
brother was burnt, a small part of him only
was to be found. Co!. Kelly informed me
that my mother and her children wero in
the fort, and it was thought that 1 was killed
likewise. Col. Kelly went into the lort to
prepare her mind to see me ; I took off my
belt of scalps and handed them to an officer
to keep. Human nature was not sufficient
to stand the interview. She had just lost a
husband and a son, and one had returned
to take her by the hand, and one, too, that
Bhe supposed was killed.
The day alter I went to Sunbnry, where
I was received with joy ; my scalps were
exhibited, the cannons were fired, &c. Be
fore my return a commission had been Bent
me us ensign of a coin|KHty-ni be comman
ded by Capt. Thomas Robinson ; this was,
as I understood, a part of the quota which
Pennsylvania had to raise for the continen
tal line. One Joseph Alexander was com
missioned as lieutenant, but did tint accept
his commission. The summer of 1780 was
spent in the recruting service ; our company
was organized, and was retained for the de
fence of the frontier service. In Feb. 1781,
1 was promoted to a lieutenancy, and enter
ed upon the active duty of an officer, by
heading scouts; and as Capt. Robinson
was no woodsman nor marksman, he pre
ferred that I should encounter the danger
and head the scouts ; we kept up a constant
chain of scouts around the frontier settle
ments, from the North to the West branch
of the Susquehanna, byway of the head
waters of Little Fishingcreek, Chillisqnake,
Muncy, &c. In the spring of 1781, we
built a fort on the widow ttl ure's planta
tion called McClure's Fort, where our pro
visions were stored.— Sherman Day's Histor
ical Collections of Pennsylvania.
Beautiful Allegory.
Mr. Crittenden was engaged in defend- j
ing a matt who had been indicted for a !
capital offence, an elaborato and t
powerful defence, he closed his effort by |
the folloaing striking and beautiful Alle- j
gory:
"When God in His eternal counsel con- i
ceived the thought of man's creation, he '
called to him the three ministers who wait
constantly upon the throne—Justice, Truth'
and Mercy, and thus addressed them :
"Shall we make man V' Then said Jus
tice, ' O, God, make hint not, for he will
pollute thy sanctuaries." But Mercy, drop
ping upon her knees,tiiiiWeotaing up through
her tear, exclaimed, "0, God, make him—
I will watch over him with care through all,
the dark pathos which he may have to
tread." Then God made man, and said to
him "O, man, thou art the chid of Mercy ;
go and deal with thy brother."
The jury, Mhen he finished, wete drown
ed in tears, and against evidence, and what
must have been their own convictions,
brought in a verdict of not guilty.
THE FARMERS CREED —The following we
extract lrom the New Jersey Freie Zeitung,
German:
I believe in small and well cultivated
farms.
1 believe that Ihe soil wants nourishment,
as well as man does; consequently, it
needs manure.
I believe in good crops, not exhausting
the soil, but enriching IPhs well as the pro
prietor.
I believe that everything ought to he tes
ted to the bottom ; therefore, 1 believe in
deep plowing.
1 believe that all the lime, gypsum, bone
dust and guano in the world, cannot render |
afarm profitable, unless combined with in
telligence, care and industry.
1 believe in good fence, good barns, good
farm houses, good orchards, and plenty of
children to gather the fruit.
I believe in a clean kitchen, and a neat
woman in it ; in a clean dairy, and a clear
conscience.
1 believe that farmers who do not im
prove their soil ; farms, which grow poorer
every year ; cattle, that look like so many
skeletons ; farmers' sons, who are bent, by
all meaus, upon growing into clerks and
merchants ; farmers' daughters, who think
themselves too noble'fot'work; farmers,
finally, who are ashamed of their station,
and attempt to drownd this feeling in liquor
—all of these I believe to be worth nothing.
Vf An editor, who had been fined se,v
eral weeks in succession for getting drunk,
coolly proposed to tho judge that he should
take him by the year at a reduced rate.
PAPERS.— The papers having the largeßt
Circulation—The paper of Tobacco.
PEW-TALK AND CHURCH SCANDAL-
That tall young fellow's here to day '.
I wonder what's his name ?
His eyes are fixed upon our pew—
Do look at Sally Dame.
Who's that young lady dressed in greon ?
It can't be Mrs Leach ;
There's Mr. Jones with Deacon Giles !
1 wonder if he'll preach ?
Lend me your fan, it is so warm,
We both will sit in prayers ;
Mourning becomes the Widow Ames —
How Mary's bonnet flares.
Do look at Nancy Slonper's veil,
It's full a breadth too wide,
I wonder if Susannah Ayres
Appears to-day as bride ?
Lord ! what a voice Jane ltice lias got;
Oh, itow that organ roars ;
I'm glad we've left the singers seat ;
How hard Miss Johnson snores !
What ugly shawls are those in front !
Did you observe Ann Wild ? [back:-
Her new straw bonnet's trimmed with
I guess she's lost a child.
I'm half asleep; that Mr. Jones !
His sermons are so long;
This afternoon we'll stay at home,
And practice that new song.
t3T BLACKBKIIRVINU. —"Ah ! Sam, she's
gone dead.",
"Is she dead, Bones ?"
"Yes, Sam. She sent for me three days
after she died."
"Oh, no, Bones; you mean three days
previous to her disease."
"No. She had no niece. She was an
orphan."
"I mean thrco days before she departed
this earthly tenement."
"Sir ?"
"That is, thrqe days before she died 1"
"Oh, yes ! Well, 1 went down to see her;
went up to the bedside wid de bed in my
eyes."
"You mean with the tears in your eyes."
"Yes, wid the pillows in my eyes. Sez
she, 'Bones, I'm going to leave dis world of
care."
"What did you reply ?"
"Sed I didn't care much. Den she axed
me if I would go to de pothecary shop for I
some medicine? I sed yes; so 1 went I
down to Dr. Night Bell."
"No, not to Doctor Night Bell, that's the
name of the bell on the door—the night
bell."
"Well, I called him 'Doctor Night Bell'
any how."
' 1 presume he was a good physician ?"
"Oh, he wasn't fishtu'; he was home ."
"Oh, no ; 1 mean he was a doctor of some
note."
"Yes; he was counting out his notos
when Lwent in."
"No, Bones ! You do not understand.—
I mean he was a doctor of some standing."
"No, he wasn't standiu', lie was sitting
on a three-legged stool."
"Pshaw ! I mean he was a doctor of:
some reputation."
"Yes ;he was dar; he was a nice feller.!
He was de clerk."
"Who was the clerk ?"
"Reputation."
"Well, what did tho doctor give you ?" i
"He gabe nip a piece ob paper."
"A prescription."
■'No, it was paper."
"Of course it was on a paper, neverthe
less, a prescription. What did it say ou
the paper ?"
"It was full of chalk-marks made wid a
pencil. He sed I must get two dozen fish
hooks No. 7, an' put in a quart ob molaases
an' boil it down, den gib her de broth, so I
went up to de bar—"
"No ; jou mean the counter."
"He didn't count them; he weighed 'em
out."
"Well, was there efficacy in the dose ?"
"No, noffiti in it but fish hooks !"
"1 mean, was the medicine any way ef
ficacious ?"
"Now, look here, Sam, be so kind as
to dress me in de English languish."
"Well, then Bones, I mean did the medi
cine do her good."
"It would have cured her, but the poor
gal in absence of mind, instead of lakin'
tho broth, took the fish-hooks, and dey kill
ed her."
"Then that must have been Iter funeral 1
saw last Wednesday."
"No, it wasn't. De doctor says I can't
bury her until next summer?"
"Why not Bones ?"
"ICase dat's de best lime to go out blaek
berryin'."
BP" Rather Fishy—"Dear Charles al
ways gives me a new dress, or takes me to
the opera, when 1 ask him," said a smiling
wife, "and on my part 1 make no objection
to his having a night-key."
"Humph," growled her cynical uncle
Horace, "Throwing out a club to catch a
Salmon."
GT "I can tell you how to save that
horse," said a darky to a man in West
street, who was looking very earnestly at a
skeleton ol a horse attached to a vehicle
heavily loaded with oysters.
"Will you ?—say on."
" Why, just slip him away while the
crows are at roost."
OPEN your heart to sympathy, but close
it to despondency. Tho flower which opens
to receive the dew, shuts against rain.
Do your duty and defy the Devii.
From the Richmond (Fit.) Dispatch, Ma.
American Love of Titles.
If there is a weakness in American char
acter which may well excite the wonder
and derision of even those strangers who
desire to think well of us and our institu
tions, it is the inordinate fondness lor titles
which exists among a nation whose pride
it ought to be that it did not descend from a
tilled claes, that it has prohibited by law or
ders and titles of nobility, and that it has
made its own greatness. It can do us no
harm to look sometimes at our laults and
foibles, as well as our superlative virtues,
and he is no friend who tails to make
known to a friend his errors, or to prevent
him from making himself ridiculous.
Wo hold that no one has tqore just reason
for pride tHari the man who, originally
poor, humble, and unaided by powerful
triends of influence, has made himself one
of Ihe pillars of the Stale, one of tho chief
members of the learned professions, or a
leader in any.prominent department of hu
man enterprise. Great Britain, Franco, and
even the despotic countries of the Conti.
nent, can show such men, and they are
reverenced there among kings and courtiers;
they are often "the power behind the throne
that is greater than the throne;" some
times they control cabinet-", lead armies,
and decide lite destines of empires. In
this country such cases aro more numerous,
for here there is a fair field for each and all,
and a list of the names who have risen in
the United States, from the humblest origin
to the high places of the land, would fill a
volume. Our country itself was settled
mainly by the middle classes, and agricul
tural and mechanical laborers of Great Brit
ain. They were men who valued pitch,
muscle and manhood—qualities which are
more highly appreciated in a new country
than gentle blood and ancestral renown.—
By the exercise of these qualities tho Re
public has become, in the lifetime of a man
one of the great powers of the earth, and it
would have a moral grandeur equal to its
physical, but for a universal hankering after
the fleshpols cf aristocracy which consoles
the most envious und sardonic of its ene
mies.
If, in this tide-forbidding nation, this peo
ple which professes to despise the ancient
nobility of Europe, there could be published
a book containing all the titles applied to,
or appropriated by American citizens, a
stranger would come to the conclusion that
the whole population is composed of Gen
erals, Colonels, Majors, Captains, Honora
b'es. Commodores, Doctors, and
Esquires. The plain title of "Minister' has
become a mark of distinction. Who is
willing to be only "Minister?'' Who will •
consent to serve as a private in this Repub- I
lican army ? When these titles, so various
and innumerable, are not mere ornamental
handles to ordinary names, when they in
dicate superior knowledge or merit, it is :
right att proper that they spould be bestow
ed. But, as a general thing, the very re
verse is the case, and handles of silver and
gold are stuck on to earthen jugs with the
evident conviction that by this new kind of
alchemy the jug will become of the same
precious metal as the handle. Military ti
tles, belonging to a prolessiott of which is
less known in this country than any other,
are mo'Fb common than all the rest combin
ed.
Every member of Congress, Sickles in
cluded, is Honorable, and every private
citizen an Esquiro. Hitherto tho Navy, be
ing a vocation of the sea, has been able to
keep its titles from the hard earned honors
of our gallant naval defenders, who get lit
tle else but honor and hard knocks in the
way of compensation, are no longer sacred.
The yacht club of New York, we perceive,
has converled its vessels into a squadron,
and invested otto ol their Captains with the
title of "Commodore." They intend to do
things quite man-of-war fashion, and very
likely will altogether eclipse the regular
service in seamanship and fighting quali
ties in a very short time. In other depart
ments, wo fir.d even more ridiculous exam
ples of affection and imposture. Nothing is
more common than to see the honored
| name of "Professor," a name which has a
technical signification, and belongs exclu
sively to a puDlic teacher of the sciences in
a University or College, assumed by every
mountebank and humbug, by balloonists,
phrenologists, rope dancers, and we have
eve heard of a Professor of Corns."
The colleges and universities of the coun
try have some reason to complan of such
an appropriation and application of their
peculiar property ; but we think it can be
shown that it is, after all, only retributive
justice, and that they, who have conferred
honors with so little discrimination, ought
not to murmur when they are despoiled of
own badges of distinction. How few are
the colleges in America in which a degree
confers any evidence of merit. In the be
stow meut of honors upon outsiders, especi
ally the title of D. D., the colleges in the
country have done more to multiply unne
cessary titles, and have committed greater
injustice, than all tho imposilors and swin
dlers in the land. In lormer times, the
time, the title of "Doctor of Divinity"
meant something, and it was rare and dis
criminating bestowed. How is it now ?
Let every man look around him, and de
cide if this titlo is always an evidence of
extraordinary theological learning ; nay, if
it is not often given to the merest sciohsts
and smatterers in theology, whtlo (and
here is the crying injustice of this reckless
distribution of clerical honors,) men really
deserving are passed by, and thus lowered
in the estimation of the community, who
[two Dollars per Annum
NUMBER 3G,
nnturally regard lliem in their profession,
because the tribnnal which dispenfces the
rewards of merit has not conferred upon
them that badage of superior desert which
it is its province to bestow, and of which
it is supposed to be the best judge. It
would be better to dispense with the title
altogether than to lavish it so indiscrimi
nately, and with as little judgment and jus
tice as it is now often applied.
t IT A Phragment of an Owed to a Phree
mont Pole Whol was a Bein Cut Down for
Stove would :
Woodman ! spare them poles,
Touch not a single wun ;
Last fall they cheered our soales,
Just let 'em stand for phun.
It was our Phrecmont Clubb.
That first did place them there ;
Oh I please, sur, let 'em stand,
Or else yew'll here us sware.
A SIMPLE CUKE FOR THE CROUP —The Jour
nal of health says, when a child is taken'
with the croup, instantly apply cold water—
ice water if possible—suddenly and freely
to the neck and chest with a sponge. Tho
breathing will almost instantly be relieved.
Soon as possible, let tho sufferer drink as
much as it can ; then wipe it dry, cover it
warm and soon a quiet slumber will relievo
all anxiety.
"JOE, why were you out so late last
night ?
"It wasn't so very late—only a quarter
of twelve."
"How dare yon sit there and tell me that
lie I I was awako when you came, and
looked at my watch—it was three o'clock.
"Well isn't ihree a quarter of twelve V'
I T~ "Come here, you mischievous raS
cal I" "Won't you whip me father?" "No,"
"Will you swear you won't V "Yes."
"Then I wont come, father ; for Parson At
wood says, 'He that will swear, will lie."
i tf~ "My son havn't I told you three
times to go and shut that gate V said a
father to a four year old.
"Yes, and havn't I told you three times
that I wouldn't do it. You must be stupid."
QT Kissing a pretty girl down South, a
young gentleman asked her—"whatraakes
you so sweet 1"
"Oh," she replied in utter innocence
"my father is a sugar planter."
Itr "Weigh your words," said a man
to a fellow who was blustering away in a
towering passion at another.
"They won't weigh much if he did," said
Eie antagonist coolly.
EST The Salem Gazette says the follottf
ing notice may be seen at a blacksmith's
shop in the town of Essex :
"No hoases on Sunday 'cept sickness or
Deth
t V fn Cork, a short time ago, the crier
of the court endeavored to disperso the
crowd by exclaiming : "All ye blackguards
that isn't lawyers quit the court."
\3T What one of the planets is suppos
ed to have the most specie V The moon ;
because she is continually changing quar
ters.
IT A young man in New York having
advertised for a wife received word from
eighteen married men that he might have
theirs.
EST A young thief, charged with pick
ing pockets, protested that he didn't pick
them at all, but took them as they come.
X3T Aunt Betsy has said many good
things, one among them that a newspaper
is like a wife, because every man should
have one of his own.
IT "Thai's what I call capital punish
ment," as the boy said when his mothet
shut him up in the closet among the pre
serves.
A man, who undertakes to reach a posi
tion by making speeches, is like a parrot
that climbs with his back.
A young woman in Newark, on being
asked how she could bring her mind to
marry an old man of seventy (Which she
had recently done,) replied that the hide
and tallow of an old ox would generally
buy a young heifer; meaning, that as her
old man was rich, it would bo all right by
and by.
"JOHN said a master to his apprentice
as he was about starting on a short journey,
"you must occupy my place while 1 am
absent."
"Tliuk you sir," demurely replied John-,
"but I'd rather sleep with tho boys."
A foot-race took place a few days ago at
Rochester, New York, between two men,
called respectively "the American Deer"
and "North Star." They ran five miles
lor a wager of three hundred dollars. The
deer was not floet enough for the Star, who
made the five miles in thirty seven minutes.
A common domeslio clock, having run
down, Tibbs, with unblushing effrontery,
observed that it had come to untimely end 1
Make no mischief by meddling with oth
er jolk's matters.