THE STAR OP THE NORTH.
jggy
\\. U. JACOBT, Proprietor.]
VOLUME 11
STAR OF THE NORTH.
BUSLISIIRD EVERY WEDNESDAY BY
WM. 11. JACOBF,
Offitt on Main St., 3rd Square below Market.
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Within six months from the time of subserib
{ng: IWo dollars and filty cts. if not paid with
n the y fear. No subscription taken lor a less
period than six months; no discontinuance
permitted until all arrearages are paid, un
, Jbs at the option of the editor.
* Wlhe termi of advertising will be as fallows:
One square, twelve lines, three times, $1 00
Every subsequent insertion, 25
One square, three months 3 00
One year 8 00
Choice pocinj.
• BEAL'TY, WIT AND GOLD.
In a bower a widow dwelt,
At her feet three lovers knelt;
Each ador'd the widow much,
Each essay'd her heart to touch;
One had wit, and one hnd gold,
One was cast in beauty's mould ;
Guess which was it won the prize,
Tongue, or purse, or handsome eyes ?
First began the handsome man,
Peeping proudly o'er her lan,
Red his lips and white his skin.
Could such beauty fail to win ?
Then stepped forth the man of gold,
Cash he counted, coin he told ;
Wealth the burden of his tale,
Could such golden projects fail ?
Then the man of wit and sense,
Woo'd her with his eloquence :
Now she heard him with a sigh,
Then she blush'd scarce knowing why;
Then she smiled to hear him speak,
Then a tear was on her cheek ;
Beauty vanish,gold depart,
Wit had won the widow's hear.
Force oTlmagination.
Buckland, the distinguished geologist,
one day gave a dinner after dissecting a
Mississippi alligator, having asked a good
many of the most distinguished classes to ;
dine with him. His house and all his es-j
tablishment were in good style and tas'.e. j
His guests congregated. The dinner table 1
looked splendid, with glass, china and |
plate, and the meal commenced with excel- |
lent soup. "How do you like the soup?"
asked the doctor, after having finished his 1
own plate, addressing a famous gourmand •
of the day. "Very good indeed ? ' answer- '
ed the other. "Turtle is it not ? I only ask
because Ido not find any green fat." The j
doctor shook bis head. "I think it has ;
.jsqmelhing of a musky taste," said another, j
''not unpleasant but peculiar! 0' All alliga
tors have," replied Buckland, " the cayman '
peculiary so —the following whom I dissect-;
ed this morning, and you have just been j
eating 1" There was a general rour of all
the guests. Every one turned pale. Two |
or three ran out of the room ; and only those j
with stout stomachs remained to the close :
of an excellent entertainment. "See what 1
imagination is," said Buckland : "if I had :
told them it was turtle, or terrapin, or bird's
nest soup, salt water amphibia or fresh, or
(he glutton of a fish born the maw of a sea •
bird, they would have pronounced it excel
lent, and their digestion been no worse, !
such is prejudice !' "But was it really an
alligator ?" asked a lady. "As good a calf's
head as ever wore a coronet 1" answered
Buckland.
|
THE LONDON TIMES OFFICE. —Mr Story,
son of one of the proprietors of the Roches
ter Democrat, writes to that paper an ac- 1
count of a visit to the office of the London |
limes. We copy a portion of the narrative:
One of the most intcrestit g and novel de
partments of the establishments is that in
which the stereotyping process is carried
on. You know perhaps already that every 1
number of the Times is printed from stereo-1
type plates, thus saving a great wear and
tear ol the type. The stereotype plate is
taken from ilin three minutes, by a new pro
cess, invented by a Swiss, and known only !
to him. A thin layer of soft and damp pa
per mache first receives the impression of
the type, and after it has been hardened by >
the application of heat, the melted lead is
poured on which is to form the stereotype
plate."
The papier mache has the power of
resisting the action of the melted lead, and
come out of the fiery trial uninjured, and al
most unscorched. The plates are remelted '
every day after the issue is printed from
them, and the waste of type metal from day :
(o day is very slight. By this power ol j
multiplying the number of forms from '
which the same side or the paper can bo '
printed, the limescun use three or four pres-1
b mi at once, and thus print its 59,000 copies, j
( on an emergency, in two hours time. The
J Timer employs in its establishment some
t >SO persons. It has eighteen reporters at
the House of Parliament, and for these as
well es the majority of its compositors, the j
Working hours are the night hours exclu
sively. it owns four cabs, which are cm
solely in carrying reporters to and
printing House Square, and
the Westminster. The reporters
Other at the houses every quar
ter of thus though the debate
in the Inst till four o'clock in the |
gives it in full by sun
rise, two whole pages of
the journal,
- . .
PATIENCE—"I remember," says Wesley
"hearing my father say to my mother,
"how could you have the JMpnce to tell
that block-head the same thMprenty times
over ?" "Why," said shoJM-1 had told
him but nineteen times, 1 have lost |
all my labor."
BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY. SEPTEMBER 7." 1859.
| TE.\ YEARS OF A PREACHERS LIFE.
Chapter from an Autobiography by William 11.
j Milburn, published by Derby If Jackson.
| The author of "The Biflo, Axe and Sad
dle-Bags" has beer, induced to write his
own biography, or rather a series of pic
' tures taken from the life of a blind Metho
dist preacher. The opening chapter contain
ing an affecting account of the accident by
which Mr. Milburn lost his sight, is followed
by a brief narrative of his early lile and the
j causes which induced him to enter the
ministry. Then we have the curious de
; tails of his itinerate life as a wandering j
! Methodist clergyman, some of which are
| highly amusing. Much of the book is oc
j copied by the writer's recollection of the
time lie spent in Washington as ChaplAin
to the House ol Representatives, and the
entire narrative is replete with anecdotial
reminiscences, tolii in a racy, graceful style,
and offering tempting extracts for our col
ums. We copy the following as giving a
good idea of the style of the book :
A SERMON INTERRUPTED.
One of our beloved bishops, the Rev.
Thomas A. Morris, when a young man, was
travelling somewhere in the West, and left
an appointment to preach in a neighbor
hood little frequented by the ministry. Due
notice was given, and a large company as
sembled. The service was to be held in a
double log-cabin with a porch in front. The
men were gathered in one room, the women
in the other, and the boys on the porch
The preacher stood in the door. As he
proceeded, a couple of men in the congre
gation began to whisper, and at length
spoke so loud that all the congregation
could hear them ; the theme of their dis
course being a horse-swap. The preacher
paused and said that, as it was bail manners
for more than one to speak at a time, if it
were necessary for them to bring their trade
to a conclusion on the spot, he would stop
until they had finished. They were silent,
and lie resumed, when an officious old gen
tleman came bustling through the crowd
with a split-bottom chair raised high above
his head, and placing it in front of the
preacher, said : ''l forgot you had no pul
pit; a man can't preach without a pulpit;
here is one." The preacher began again,
but was soon interrupted by the noise made
by the boys on the porch quarrelling. This
was promptly quelled by the old gentle
man's striding among the urchins, cuffing
and boxing them soundly, pnd nfimuinv, i
"Be still you little savages, or I'll knock j
your heads ofr." Order restored, the preach- j
er tried to go on again, but now there came
a noise from the female side of the house, j
A boy four or five years old, who was seated \
in his mother's lap, was engaged in earnest j
whispering with her. He said, Mammy,
mammy," and she, "Hush !" At length he
seemed to think that endurance had ceased
to be a virtue, and brawled out, "I say,
mammy, scratch my back." She, in fiery
indignation, boxed his ears soundly ; where
at he set up a terrible yell. She rose, and
dragging her promising offspring after her,
forced her way among tne auditors, rushed
b) the preacher in the door, and once began
the satisfactory operation of troucing, she
shouting "hush 1" and he, I won't—scratch
my back!" This last attack was too much
for the preacher's equanimity, and the exci-!
ted state of his risibles obliged him to close
the services on the instant.
A JOURNEY WITH FANCY CREEK MINISTERS.
My itinerating life was yet fresh when the
two preachers from the Farley Creek circuit
visited one of our quarterly meetings; at
its close they besought the presiding elder
to lend me to them for a week's round,
promising to deliver mo safe and sound at
his appointment the next Saturday. He as
sented. and away I trotted with my new
made friends. Our first stopping place wa6
at a house much like the one before des
cribed, where the senior preacher was to |
solemnize a marriage. We arrived at mid
day, and found a large company assembled
—trie future man and wife chatting gaily
with their friends, as though the knot had
been already tied. The ceremony was at
once attended to, and the congratulations
delivered, when the company was summon
ed to the most sumptuous banquet that the
region could afford, 1 wish I were versed in
the technicalities of feminine attire, that I
might favor my lady readers with a des- 1
cription of the dresses worn on this gala
day, and a comical one it would be ; but
failing in this, I car only commemorate one
incident that struck me ut the time. A great
bowl of boiled custard was placed with
other delicacies, on the groaning board. A
gentleman hurried through with the more
substantial part of the repast, seized the
bowl and a table-spoon arid commenced in
gulling the contents. A bystander, some
what shocked at this private appropria.ion
of what was designed for the community,
remarked to him, "You don't seem to know
what that is."
"Know what it is 1" responded the other,
indignantly, "of course 1 do; I was brought
up on it—it is thickened milk."
As we rode away, the preacher who had j
united the man and wife said to me, "Billy, j
what do you suppose that chap gave me
for a fee?"
"I don't know," I replied. "Five dollars, \
I suppose."
"He is a hog without bristles," was the
strong metaphoiical reply of the other; "he
didn't give me nary red."
As we proceeded he told me I should
have to preach that afternoon at 4 o'clock,
and be turned a deal ear to all my entrea
i ties to be let off. Up to this time I had nev-
i er taken a text, lor all my exercises hail
been in the shape of exhortations, delivered
. alter some more experienced person had
j expounded. My first sermon must be
; preached somewhere, and why not then
: and there ? So it was delivered to hall a
I dozen men in their shirt-sleeves, with the
I sweat of the plough on their brows, their
| teams left standing in the fields the while,
j and to as many women in sun bonnets,
whose knitting and pipes were laid aside
| when the him was given out. The rustle of
| the green leaves, stirred by the pleasant
j wind, the song of the birds, and the golden
j sun shines as it lay upon the puncheon
floor on that cheerful summer afternoon, are
remembered yet, and also that my first ser
mon was fifteen minutes long.
'The' next day we reached a village con
sisting of a dozen or twenty houses. In the
evening we attended an examination of the
school; at the close of the exercises, one fit
my new friends mounted an empty barrel
which stood in the corner of the room, and
had been used as a seat, and called out in
the old Normon form, "Oyez! Oyez! take
notice that brother William Milburn will
preach in the meeting-house to-morrow
night at early candle lighting 1" No sooner
was the last word out of his mouth than the
barrel-head gave way, ahd the reverend
cleik, falling to the earih, went, after the
fashion of Regulus, rolling about among the j
legs of the audiance, his desperate exer- j
tions to escape, only making his plight the i
sadder and increasing the confusion.
MK. MILBURN'S FIRST SERMON.
The quarterly meeting was held at a pri-1
vate house, as was frequently the case, ser
ving on such occasions the two- fold purpose
of chapel and hotel. It was a double log
cabin, with a door communicating between
the two rooms, the women occupying the
one, the men the other, in both the uses to j
which the house was put. Seats for the !
congregation were provided by puncheon i
slabs resting on four legs. The young peo- 1
pie who could not find access to the house '
would stand beneath the trees, or 101 l upon
the grass. The congregation would come |
from fifteen to twenty miles around to enjoy !
the services. The exercises invariably be- j
gan on Saturday at eleven o'clock, with a
sermon from the presiding elder. In the j
afternoon the conference of official mem
bers was held ; in the evening the most !
available preacher was "put up," in the I
language of the country, and after this ser
mon an exhortation was usually delivered |
by some one else.
At the close of the exercises the benches
were carried out and replaced by shuck
mattresses, skins and blankets, the men
making their own beds, so that in a little
while, as you looked over the sleepy scene
by the ray of an expiring pine knot, you
might well conceive it a stratum of compact
somnolent humanity. The first cockcrow is
the signal for a universal arousing, and
while some busy themselves in taking up
and packing away the beds, others bring
wood, four or eight feet long, to kindle a
fire in the capacious fire which the
breakfast may be cooked. Others, with
shirt sleeves rolled up and collars a la Byron,
in the breaking dawn, trudge to the spring
or well, where ablufioiis are performed. A
substantial meal is despatched, lor it may
be long before we taste food again At eight
o'clock the Sunday services begin by a love
feast, to which only'raembers of the church
are admitted. At eleven o'clock the doors
are thrown open arid the public enter. The
ordinance of baptism precedes the sermon,
the communion of the Lord's Supper fol
lows it. On more than one occasion I have
known it to be five o'clock before we tasted
a mouthful after a sunrise breakfast. In the
evening the last sermon of the quarterly
meeting proper was delivered, and by day
break the following morning all were riding
off on their several ways.
On the Saturday night in question, after
the sermon, the sonorous voice of my chief,
said, "William, exhort." The will of the
presiding elder at these times is absolute,
and obediance is one ol the lessons enjoin
ed upon young preachers. 1 had no resource
but to stand up, frightened as I was almost
to death, behind by split-bottom chair, in
lieu of a pulpit, in front ol the huge fire
place, and attempt to speak, by the light ol
the smouldering embers and one or two can
dles fast sinking to their sockets, to the
crowd of hunters and farmers filling the
cabin, who gaped and stared at a pallid,
beardless boy. Of course words were lew,
and ideas lewer, and on resuming my seat
1 had the uncomfortable impressiuu that
that congregation had listened to about as
poor a discourse as ever was delivered.—
Such was my first attempt at preaching.
A MUSICAL SHOEMAKER.
At one of our meetings 1 met the happiest
man, I think, that 1 have ever known. He
was a bachelor, and a shoemaker, who wor
ked half the time to support himself and
horse, and attended meeting the other half.
I cannot say much for the breadth of his
intellect, the extent of his information, or
the quality of his taste. His laith seemed
to be unclouded, and his soul was ever on
the mountain top. He was passionately
fond of singing, and had a repertory of
songs and tunes all his own. 1 think you
might have heard him half a mile off; I
have been awakened at alt hours of the
night by the vociferous strains of this min
strel, and have seen him astride a bench
see-sawing to and fro, slapping his hands
and pouring forth his stentorian solo. Mu
sic seemed to be bis meat, drink and lodg
ing. His favorite verse, self-made, no doubt
' was the following :
Truth and Right God and our CouHtrj.
"I'd rather have religion,
While here on earth I stay,
Than to possess the riches
Of all America.
CHORUS.—"Crying, victory, victory,
I long to see that day."
NEW USE FOR BELL PULLS.
Another of my friends was a yottng Meth
odist preacher about my own age, stationed
at one of the churches in town, and now in
the city lor the first time. Starting upon hi
first tour of pastoral visitation, he reached
the door of one of his flock, and seeing the
[ silver handle of the bell-pull, and under-
J neath it a foot scraper ott the marble step,
and supposing that the knob was to hold on
i by while he cleaned his feet, uaed it accor
| d'ngly, and then began hammering on the
door with his list to gain utaitfanre. When
the servant tame he inquifN VTtther tardy,
"Why did you not pull the bell ?" "Bell!"
said my friend, routed from his dream of
admiration at the munificent spirit of the
householder, in providing the silver com
panion to the iron scraper "there is no bell
here; what is the use of a bell when a body's
got a fist?"
REMINISCENCES OF DANIEL WEBSTER
The following conversation occurred at
the dinner table where Mr. Webster for the
first time met Colonel Preston, then a new
senator from South Carolina. "Colonel Pres
ton," said the great Mabsachusetls lawyer
in his stateliest manner. "I am happy to
greet you as a member of the body to which
it Is my pride and honor to belong, but I re
gret to see that southern gentleman so often
stand aloof from me." Mr. Preston answer
ed in polite and deferential terms, when the
other continued : "The tiulb is, 1 am far
more a southern than a northern man, and I
think that 1 should be treated as 'hall fel
lows' by all my southern colleagues."—
"May f beg to know," said the other, "the
grounds upon which you make this claim "
"Certainly," replied Mr. Webster. "In the
first place, I am very fond of a horse race,
and 1 believe the turf is a southern institu
tion. Secondly, I have in my cellar a hun
dred dozen of the best wine, unpaid for, and
that I understand to bo a trail of southern
life. Thirdly, before daylight I shall be un
der the table, and I suppose you are willing
to admit this to be characteristic of south
erners." "Enough." shouted the other,
laughing, "you have vindicated your claim
to be my compatriot."
Some of my readers will recollect the ex
quisite manner in which Mr. |Vebster used
to relate the follnwinjt; Jipejiight, fyj[ora
railroads were built, he was forced Jo make
a journey by private conveyance from Bal
timore to Washington. The man who drove
the wagon was such an ill-looking fellow,
and told so many stories of robberies and
murders, that before they had gone far Mr.
Webster was somewhat alarmed. At last
die wagon stopped in the midst of a dense
of wood, when the man, turning suddenly
round to his passenger, exclaimed fiercely :
"Now, sir, tell me who you are." Mr. Web
ster replied in a faltering voice, and ready
to spring from the vehicle, "1 am Daniel
Webster, Member of Congress from Massa
chusetts." "What!" rejoined the driver,
grasping him warml v by the band, "are you
Webster? Thank God ! thank God ! You
were such an ugly chap that 1 took you foi
a highwayman."
(.ROWING IN GRACE.
The Bishbp presiding at the Conference
wa the victim of a heart-disease. Over
his head the sword of Damocles hung ever
suspended by a hair, the death's head was
never absent from his banquet, and the
dread ol sudden death had discolored all his
ideas of life. He was the morbid and sworn
foe to everything like gaiety, and while not
sour or sullen, yet his piety was weighty
and lugubrious. It may well be imagined
that snclt a chair had trouble to keep in
order a man like Peter Cartwright, with
whom humor and drollery are as natural as
to breathe. Brother Cartwright had the floor
one day, and by his irresistable fun, set the
Conference ut a roar. "Stop, Brother Cart
wright," said the Bishop, "I cannot allow
such sin to be committed among Methodist
preachers when I have charge of them. I
read in lite Bible, be angry and sin not, but
1 nowhere see, laugh and sfrti not. Let us
bow down and confess our offence. Broth
er Cartwright lead in prayer." The back
woods preacher kneeled and repeated the
Lord's prayer, and then rising, said : "Look
here, Mr. Bishop, when 1 dig potatoes, I
dig potatoes; when 1 hoe corn, I hob corn ;
when 1 pray, I pray ; when I attend to bus
iness, I want to attend to business—l wish
you did too, and I don't want you to take
such a snap judgment on me again."
"Brother," said the Bishop, in a monitory
tone, "do you think you are growing in
grace?" ''Yes, Bishop, I think lam—in
spots." It is hardly necessary to add, that
the Bishop gave him upas incorrigible.
MONSTER GRAPE VINE.—The York County
Star says : We measured a few days ago a
vine, its equal in size we doubt whether is
to be lound in this country. It is of a wild
or natural growth, and we are not aware
either of the quality or variety of the fruit
it beats. The main vine measures thirty
seven inches in circumference, or is a frac
tion over twelve inches in diameter; the
branciies from which, to the number of a
dozen or more, cover five large forest trees,
running to their very tops, possibly sixty
feet in height."
E7* A tipsy loafer mistook a globe lamp
with letters on it lor the "Queen of Night:
"I'm blessed," said he, "if somebody haint
stuck an advertisement on the moon 1"
I EPITAPHS.
I Ailopted to the Pi evident Causes of Death,
i Broken Bridges—Misplaced Switches—Collis
ions— Crossings Unwntched—Making vp Last
Time—Draw-Bridges Open Without Signals,
elc.
"A sudden pitch
From a misplaced Rwitch
Laid me dead in the ditch."
"Off the track the engine rushed—
Some were drowned and 1 was crushed.
"What is life ? 'Tisbut a vision,
Here I died by a collision,
Twenty more died by the same,
Verdict—'Nobody to blame."
"Sister, mother, aunt and me
Were run over. Here we be.
We should have had time to mizzle.
Had they blown the engine's whistle."
"Sweeping round a curve
Whose outer Hexture bordered an abyss,
The cars were earned down the precipice,
And seven of us killed. But what of that ?
'Twas the curve did it. And the engineer, j
Being upon a bender, was excused." j
"Train-borne traveller, rushing by,
As thou passest pipe thine eye,
Here a car, well filled with freight,
Killed sixteen and wounded eight,
For a moment, friends he, weepers,
As you pass the railroad sleepers.
You may share our fate—why not ?
Ere you reach the next depot.
"Here are deposited the bones,
(The llesh being torn off,)
Of an unknown man,
Who, being deaf, blind and lame,
Neglected to obey the cus'oinary signals, 1
And was run over as a punishment,
For his contumacy, [giue ;
The engineer promptly stopped the en- |
After it had cut the body in two,
And, with most exemplary humanity,
Conveyed the remains to an adjacent wood
shed,
Where all means of resuscitation were I
tried;
But alas!
The vital spark had fled !
For the humanity they displayed,
The engineer and signal men
Were presented by the company
With a service of plate,
Go thou and do likewise."
Blontlin Outdone.
The local of the Cleveland Democrat takes
ol the account of Mons. Blondin's "rope
walk" over Niagara, in the following rich
stile. Those who have read the particulars
in the papers will appreciate it:
On the morning of the Fourth, the local
editor of a prominent evening daily paper
in Buflalo accomplished a feat which places
Mons. Blondin's light-rope act at Niagara
quite in the shade. He crossed Main street,
the principal street in Buffalo, on a cross
walk, without stepping off. When it is j
known that the aforesaid local had been 1
employed in seeing the old Fourth of July
out and the new Fourth of July in, some
idea may be formed of the magnitude of
the undertaking. The cross-walk chosen
for his daring (eat leads from Thomas' sa-1
loon to the Terrapin Lunch. The side-walks
on each side of Main street were crowded
with spectators, by far the greater number
being on the side on which the Terrapin is
located, they being sustained and soothed
by an unfaltering trust in his ability to per
form it, and his willingness to treat when
he got over. Numerous Star Spangled Ban
ners were flying in the air, and numerous
bands were playing the air of the Star Span- \
gled Banner, while a calathnmpian band
were putting on airs generally. At about
8 o'clock, the local emerged from Thomas'
saloon, and was greeted with immense ap
plause by the crowd on the other side, who
were impatient to have him come across ,
and treat. It was really a treat to come
across such enthusiastic fellows.
Before attempting to cross, he performed I
numerous wonderful feats, such as telling
the time of day, walking a crack in the side
walk, seeing a hole through a ladder, &c.—
The cross-walk was about thirty feet in j
length—and, in order to make it steady, he '
had taken about thirty glasses of buck beer i
as guys, thus affording one guy to each foot,
without mentioning the "Guys" on the op
posite sidewalk, who were standing by in !
expectation of a drink. Like many other j
performers, lie was dressed in tights—hav- I
ing been tight for two weeks before, in pre- |
paration of bis feat.
• Only once did Ire betray the slightest ir
resolution, and '.hat was when his eagle eye I
took in the immense concourse on the other
side waiting for him to treat. Scorning a
balance pole, he steadied himself a moment
against a lamp post, and then, amid the
breathless attention ol the spectators, com
menced his terrible walk. When about half
way across he produced a ball of twine
Irom his pocket, and retaining one end,
threw the ball to the other side, where it
was caught dexterously by Mr. Terrapin,
(author ol Terrapin Lunch,) who attached
to it a bottle of cherry bounce. This the
performer drew to him and drank amid
thunders of applause, the Calithumpians,
meanwhile, playing "A Little More Cider."
The feat was successfully performed, the
latter portion being accomplished on all
fours, thus beating Mr. Blondin all hollow.
He was caught np at once on the shoulders
of the lrantic multitude, headed by Col.
Lutn Smith, and as he disappeared in the
Terrapin he was heard to exclaim, with a
wink so intense it gave one side of his face
the appearance of a horrid paralysis, 'T'zall
right, (hie) boys.'
IST An Illinois editor says his party is
on the verge of a precipice, but calls upon
it to march 'steadily ahead.' A bad leader.
EF" Cicero gives expresion to a beautiful
thought when he says, "1 go from lile as ]
I from an inn, not as from home."
Burling, the ftcw York Dun.
The Boston Post's account of this man
gives tut a faint picture of him. 1 will
give you one Irorn real life :
Ten years ago I was seated in my office
at No. 12 Wall street, busily driving the
quill, when I heard a quiet step behind and
then a mild voice inquiring if I had the
transcript of a certain judgement against
J. G. O.—the protector of the great Peg
ghe-wah-wan Company for selling Indian
medicine. 1 looked up and saw a man
whose twisted foot and palsied arms were
quite familiar to me, but of whose name or
calling 1 knew nothing.
"Yes," I replied, "I have the transcript.
"Well, 1 want it," he said ; I'm going to
collect it for the creditor."
"Going to collect it!" 1 exclaimed,
"why the judgement is perfectly worthless.
Executions, and proceedings after judge
ment, and all ordinary means of grace,
have long ago been exhausted upon O. He
is hopelessly insolvent, and is besides, the
most adroit scamp of a swindler I ever en
countered."
"What's that to me ?" broke out the visi
tor, in a gruff strong voice, quite different
from his first tones. "Perhaps you don't
know who I am. I'm Burling, the man
about town. You a lawyer and not know
mo ! Sheriffs are good for nothing ; con
stables are good for nothing; executions
and creditor's bills are good for nothing.—
Give me the transcript—here's the order for
it—l'll make the money out of him."
I swiveled around my chair and stared
at the man "And will you be so good,
Mr. Burling," I asked, "as to 101 l me what
is your patent plan lor superseding officers
and writs, and for squeezing blood out of
turnips, and cash out of the President of lire
Pep-ghe-wah-wan Company ?"
"How Ido it, you mean ? Why I dun
'em at their houses, I dun 'em in the streets,
I dun 'em at the iheatre, I dun 'em in the
mornings and slick to 'em all day; follow
'em up wherever they go ; go to meals and
eat with 'em; go to bed with 'em ; givo
'em no peace night or day, Sunday nor
week day ; slick to them like death to a
dead nigger. A man owes a debt, he won't
pay it. I follow him up all the week so
lie can't do any business, nor go to see his
sweet-heart, nor walk in Broadway, nor
eat with any appetite, nor sleep without
dreaming. I'm alter liirn with the devil to
help run him down. All this won't do ?
Very well. When he goes to church Sun
day, he finds the bill I've stuck there, and
gets so mad he can't say amen."
"Sheriffs and Constables,".continued he,
getting loud and fierce," won't go of a Sun
day morning to a parson's house and fol
low him to church, and walk up the broad
aisle with him belore all the congregation,
and go up the puipit stairs close to Lis heels
and slip into the pulpit alter him before be
can shut the door, and take a seat by his
side, and get up when he gels up. and
when he opens the Bible, opens John Jones'
bill full length, and lays it down over the
chapter and verse, and tell him ; There's
that bill of horse hire, pay it before you
preach ! But that's what 1 did—and I got
my money loo."
"And what commission did you charge?"
"Fifty per cent." "Rather strong," I
suggested, "but still your mode of proced
ure was strong. Do you often get as much
as fifty per cent ?"
" When 1 earn it, I get it. Dr. C. of
Broadway, sent mo to dun a fellow who liv
ed back in a yard, and kept two bull-dogs
that he let loose when anybody came to col
lect honest debts. I went to him with a
horse-pistol in each hand and Dr. C's bill
in my teeth, and made him pay up. What
did Dr. C. oiler me for getting his sixty dol
lars ?—he offered me one dollar. 1 won't
take it, says 1. I'll pay no more, says he.
l'ay ir.e thirty dollars says I. Get out of
my office, or I'll kick yon out says he, and
he kicked me out of his door and down the
steps into Broadway. I goes across to the
hotel and hires a great arm-chair out
of the bar-room, ar.d takes it across the
street, and plants it on the curbstone right
opposite Dr C's door and 1 lays the bill I
bad made out on a full 6heel ol foolscap
across my knees, hanging down so every
body that went by could read in large black
sanded letters :
DUCTOK C
To J. BURLING, Dr.
For collecting of Richard Roe :
Commission .... $30.00
And all the crowd kept stopping to read,
so that there was all the while two or three
hundred people standing on the Doctor's
pavement and reading first my bill and
then his sign, and making their jokes. 1
had hired the chair for the whole afternoon,
but he hadn't stood this more than fifteen
minutes before he comes to the door, and
says, come here, you racal, and I went in
and took thirty dollars ol this money, and
left the bill receipted."
"But my friend, don't your impudent
ways often get you into some scrapes; are
you not afraid some one will some day
break your head 1"
"Break whose head?" he thundered;
"didn't Col. S. of New Orleans, a man that's
killed seven men in duels, when I went to
dun him at the Astor House—didn't he
grab me by the slack of my breeches, and
hold me out the fifth story window, and
shake me there above the pavement, and
say shall I let you fall ana brake your neck
on the stones, or take you in and kick you
down stairs V
"Well," said I, anxiously, "what did you
I do then ?"
[Ttvo Dollars per Annum
NUMBER 85,
"What did 1 Jo ? I Raid pay me that
I money ! and didn't he poll me in and pay
I me every cent ?"
The intensity of his manner, as he thus
related his exploits, cannot be rendered ori
paper—especially when he exclaimed Willi
closed teeth— "pay tne that money i"
lie took the transcript, and limped out.
In another day the helpless debtor, an over
match Tor all the regular thumb-screws of
the law, came in to beg piteously I would
call ofl the blood-hound. I told him it wad
the creditor's affair, notj fhfnfe. Next day
1 met Burling at the torierof Cortland St.,
looking mild and happy, and asked I.im
how he succeeded. "I hadn't get it yet"
was the reply. "He hasn't found me out,
but he has just paid me five dollars to let
him dine at the hotel down there, without
my company. We've taken all our meals
together for the past two days, and he be
gan to find his appetite fail.
Whether the five dollars was credited on
the judgment, or pocketed as a personal
perquisite, I never knew.
Dreadful Aceident to a Lion.
The Cleveland Plaindealer tellsjof
ful accident in Van Amburgh's menagaerie.
Some of the new keepers commenced to
torment the lion. Wishing to hear him
roar, the brutes spit tobacco jbice In Bis
eyes. This thoroughly maddened him and
his frenzy was terrific. The lion made a
tremendous dash against the cage bars—
they gave way—he cleared the cage with a
bound, and sprang for the affrighted wretch
on a pole. In the blindness of his rage,
the lion missed the man, striking his own
head against the pole and spliting himself
from head to tail I It was done as evenly
as though it had been sawed by an experi
euced mechanic. The uproar brought Mr.
Van Amburgh to the spot. The emergen
cy required promptness. This was no lime
for reflection or argument. Seizing the ele
vated parts of the lion, the great "tamer"
clapped thern instantly together. They
stuck, and the lion was soon restored t<
consciousness. But imagine Van's agony
when he saw that he had put the lion to
gether injthe wrong way ! that two of the
animal's legs were put up and the other
two down ! But the lion got well, and
seems to enjoy himself better than ever.—
When he geis tired of walking on two leg '
he flops over on the other two. He is said
to be a curious looking lion.
RAILWAV THAVSL— The editor of the Lan
caster Etprcs is puzzled to account for the
immense travel on the Pennsylvania Rail
road. He says ."—' Five, six, and sometimes
as high as seven cars to the train pass
through our city, and all ol them filled.—
Where do all the people come from ? where
are they going to? Thirty years ago two
four horse coaches could carry all the pass
engers from east to west. Thirty years mora
and our arrangements will be as far behind
as the days of 'Reeside & Co.' are behind
us. The receipts for passenger travel over
the road during the present month must far
j exceed ihose of any corresponding month
since the road has been in existence."
•y A pretty girl attended a ball out West
recently, decked off in short dress and
pants. The other ladies were shocked.—
She quietly remarked that if they would
pull up their dresses about the neck as
they ought to be, their skirts would be as
short as hers!
ty An exchange goeth it thus—"A lady
iu Indiana has obtained a divorce from her
husband, because he always laid with his
back to her."
All wrong! The woman might have got
over on the other side ofihim ! It beats all
what queer laws Indiana has.
Ei*" "Where shall I put this paper so as
to be sure of seeing it to morrow?" inquir
ed Mary Jane of her brother Charles. "On
the looking-glass," was his prompt reply.
13T The vanity of human life is .like a
river, constantly passing away, and yet con
stantly coming on — Pope.
f*T Scrutinize a lawyer closely when ha
advises you to avoid litigation, and a doctor
when he drinks your health.
BT We suppose there can be no dispo
ling the fact that the firs'. Aiktic expedition
was got up by Noah.
cr A wise man will speak well of his
neighbor, love his wife, and pay for hi*
newspaper.
E5"" A little girl describes a snaka as a
thing that's a tale all the way up to the
head.
VT It may sound like a paradox, yet the
break of both of an armj's wings is a pretty
sure way to make it fly.
ty Provoking.—To dream you have lots
of money, and then wake up and find
yourself nothing but a printer.
XW How to get ink out of Linen—Jerk
the devil out of his shirt.
ty Many good things are lost because
they are not secured when first noticad.
tF "Virtue is like arich stone, best plain
, set."— Bacon.
| W According to the articles of war, if
is death to stop a cannon ball.