The star of the north. (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, May 16, 1850, Image 1

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Uj Wevrtt ft Gifarore.]
* * of tkS north ,
tiiMlMid'eeery'Thuriklay Morning, by
Weaver .v Gllntorc.
OFFI'.'E—Up stairs i i the X * Rriik building
on the until suit 'f Aiin street, third
squirt leluw Mulct.
Tents •—Two Dollars tier annum, if paid
within six months from tho time ol subscri
bing; Iwo dollars mid fitly corns if ot punt
witttit the vear. No sobseHhtlon received
far a lose period than six months: no discon
tinuance permitted until all arrearages are
paid, unless at the option of the editors.
Aovs.iTtsr.MENT* not exceeding one siptare,
will-be inserted three times for one dolliw, ami
twenty-five cents for each additional insertion.
A liberal discount will be mode to those who ad
vertise try the year.
For the St ir rf the Forth.
1 do not love those ito'sy towns
Where selfishness is seen :
Nor dot lo*e the lonely rounds
Of boliiary spleen.
1 do not love the giddy crowds
That gadier on tho erect,
For in their looks is something proud
When they each other meet.
I do not love prefacing
Who oners awful oaths,
Ilei nine his lite is hut a span,
Till t r the grave he goes.
I do not love the haughty min 1
That overlooks tho p >or.
Ilee.ntse it i- to re i-ny blind
And sinks beneath Hie moor.
1 do not love the giddy plav
Where ladies act the fool. '
Iler.vise, like Eve, they don't obey,
But break o'er reason's rule.
I do not love th.v, foppish nride,
Which.acts tire gent anil tool:
For they'hrpagh insolence deride,
The well taught boy at school.
I do not love professing matt
Win. lives behind his name,
For (rod will soon fru.-tr.tle his plan,
And drive him from the main.
I do no' love the ttvern bar
W l ere men liter misory'rink ;
Where they east rea-o i oil alar
And ueter stop to think.
I do not love tfifc sinners course,
I'eeause it lends to wo:
And worse than till, that keen reraorso
Which sinks the spirit low.
F. LOO MSEC KG, May 1 lilt 1850.
A brace of legs, ttirost considerably too fur |
through a pair of mottled pants, and attached |
to a couple of the largest sized feet, which j
were incased in twin cowhide brog nts hirm- j
ed the under, tinning to a 1 tag slab-sided bo.l - j
\ with otherwi e ge: erous j rnpor ions—the j
whole beingsilrniounted by a" l ead which i
was covered with a grev live tears ill (at
lea::) sealskin ea;>. This sum to.ii!—l-gs, |
pants, teel shoes, body and chiipcan, was i
t.i.i p.oper.y ofZ-n ts Homespun.
Zenas hud been on a bat previous and had |
sqandered fall half a dollar on himself in j
whi.e eye and sweet/.ling. But his return- 1
ing senses made him teel ph losiphical; and |
on the morning WJ speak of hitn, he s-ood at
early hour in street gazing mechanical
ly at the telegraphic wire soliloquising thus
tviso :
lc ! —That's tho telegrajf. W V—
well, don't poorceivc nuthCTi" per—ii— cnlial j
'1 out th".m * rings, only one's biger 'eu t'other
Thai's tke liahtnin' line, tho tig 'tut—said
an urchin in the doorway near by.
When does slut (it-) start?
You had better ax in thar.
Whar ?
I.i :h office op t\ir
The loafer was shown to the door of the j
building an-l bv hook or crook found himself j
up three flights of s'uirs into the telegraphic
olfitr. The iitteudnnts inquired wliut the '
gentleman had to for card.
Fornd! (it ) who's she/
IV hat will you send ?
Send whar/
This lira telegraphic office, sir.
Weil, (ie!) alio in thunder paid it wu'nt?
I supposed yon hait business, sir
Nothing ot the ort (ic !)—qui'.o the re
(ir !—verrc. to the contrary.
What will yon have?
Wnut to make some (ic!) quiries.
The hour heing parly, and little doin b .the
clerks very rliaritubly determined upon some
fun with tho feilou , with n view to sobering
him. Ttio Opportunity tor anything grntui
to us escaped them, however, fo- as thev
commenced a consultation upon the best
tnea is to Imcfit the intruder, he stepped up
to one tif the batteries, which happened lor
innately, to be but lightly charged, and con
cluding that the knobs tvent portable ho pul
led his cap over his forehand a- tl -tter.ipied
to remove ontt of the hulls; tho next ins.aut
Zenas lay stretched on the Aoor! 1
He arose, ss best lie uoulil. and turned le 1
tho clerk with.*i
Louk hero, mi si or (ir !)—-w t's yer name? i
I kin liek as many sit-lt like skunks as you i
as eoul-1 be tfrovu nr a fnity acte lot Ift I
r. thu ider diitytfu (AHA !) knock a iunarcerrt
man down that way for, -eh ? t
Nobody urooed you, suit I the clerk. j- i
T'/e divjl (ig |) ihejahdu't ?
No, sir. VfliLtobk tht ■■ ■" ■ -
Took wot I contemptible cop
per; and proceed to tlibh the loose jieaoy. i
towards tlie Utendent, which lay upon the i
maohiae, hie fiegefv iu'fcoatsat with I
I tho fat-ery, atid tfiv way he went again,
i heels oi er Ilea , across the floor.
I Look je/jt/—.-niilinued ihesiiff wer. who by
- this time was nigli ttibere-'—Hast jure in
fcrnul picttir', wot. in thunder are you about.
You ttiusn't handle the tools, observed the
! ] clerk nearly bus ittgViih laughter.
I | Ixtuk you! Mr. name. I
I ! ttYm to he looled this ere way lor nil'.hitl, 1
' 1 arm. By thbnder! I'm no independent i-uli
j vidnol. 1 urn : and this \ere knoi kin down
■wi bout notice of no kind, urnt tho tiling. If
you'll open that yet* door, I II go out or this,
and i.o question axed.
| Th t s tho door sir.
1 That brass handle ?
! Yes.
I'm blowed if you do though! This child
i don't meddle no more hirJutin in this
I trap now how.
The door was.opened by the clerk and tho
; fellow sidled out. A suppressed laugh per-
I vitded tho countenance of the attendant as
Zenas departed, which, as the door closed
I tented, itself in a liroad haw. haw.
j You're a smart young gentleman, JM are !
: bawled "die loaler, through the keyhole, as
he held the door fast with both hand*. you 1 -
|re a very sinari young man ! You'd like to
| get out of that and go to yoir breakta-!.
I bime by! And el ton do git any grub this
| lore it'ion, jest le. a fell 'r about my size know
| it. will yer? I'lKieaclt yer to knock people
| down slimultaueous, ter iitnhin', I will—ami
I from the prepartious making o:i the outside.
! the prospect was that the inside* were to be
made prisoners.
A ihougbt struck tho attendant. He ills
connected tho wire, and placing it in contact
with the knob of the door upon the inside,
his companion let on the battery.
The door flow open instantaocouslv, and
our valiant stranger with the sAI skin cap,
was discovered in the act of an ami- angular
j de-cent down stairs, the side ot his head
fi raping the paint from the edges of the steps,
and his legs meantime performing a revolu-
I lionary piuroette which would have done
merit loja French dancing master.
It so imauced that Zenas in"' purchased a
bunch ol Inciter mutches the /'igi't before,
which he had dqpr sited in his rotJt pocket.
In his progress down stairs the matches be
i came igni <d. ami by tin* line that lie hail
reached the bottom ol the first flight he had
partially recovered from the first effects ol
the shot k ; but the fluid tingled through his
veins, hi* coat tail- were on fin', and ho "as
now set forward in his imagination by this
la-l effort oi his tormentors. lie discovered
the fire, and, presuming it ■ pt-rt ni par
| eel of the "fire cussed iiiven'inn."' he sprang
J to his leet. and with both hands behind hitn.
tor the purpo-e of smothering the flume
| which was mas'ing the seat ol hi* inexpres
! sibl -s he put lor lite s.rect door at lull gallop. I
I Fire! Lite! Help! yer ! iiinrd—lire help !;
j shnu ed the victim as he darted into the
Away he dtslted towards Baltimore, at a 1
I speed which the "ligVni i' line'' itself might '
have been pran.l o r . Luekily. a square of].
j lie discovered a .ervttt f with a horse altacli- j
j ed to ' tie of die hydrants, busily engaged in |
I wishing off the pavement, lie rushed to j
the spot and tur.'iig short before hitn a pos i
j teriori, he begged him. at the top of his
i voice lor God's sake to put hirt cut
Perhaps his sable friend s eye did'nt ghs J
ten ami may be his ivory did'i.t shine, as he
cliari.itubly turned the current ol t!iat stream I
upon the unmentionable portions ol the poor
lelloiv netheriiicuts. The fire was cxiin- i
I gui-lted w itliout serious damage as the pa
i per* say; ho loafer was entirely saturated I
and having changed his heavy inside wet lor j
j a skill drenching' he departed, perfectly so-]
ber, amidst the jeer* of.the crowd who had
, wiliioased the fit :h most vociferously curs-j
I ing afi improvements in magnetism and coin- ]
bust tiles!
DIIINKINU AI.UNE.—The auihor of the'Far
son's Daughter,' when surprised one even
j ing in his aim chair, two or three hours after
lit inner, is reported to have apologised lij j
saying, when on" i* alone, the DOES |
come round so often.
'On a similar occa-inu. Sir Hercules Lan
gerish, on being a-ke.l 'Have you finished
all that part ( hreo bottles) without ussi
titnoe?" answered, 'No—not qui e that—l
hail tt.e us-itanee of a ' oltle of Muderin.'
A lady came lo Charles We.-ley, com
plaining that she as the chief of sinners—
t'-e worst of transgressors—utterly lost the
'I have 'in doubt, madam,' replied he,
'that you are wicked enough,'
Blie instantly llevv into a passion, declared
she was no worse than her neighbors, scol
ded the preacher as a slanderer, and it is
thoiijcrlit would have boxed lit* cars ii he
had not quitted the apartment.
respondent of the N. Y. Tribune says lliiu ,
tho Gulphiu Cmnntiitve will repor' eai'y this
week : ami the majority have deckled that
the claim was illegal, both principal aid in
rVFro-n further investigation it appears
that the great comet of I JOJ and 1558 is 'tot
now cxpec.ed to re ap;>ear before August.
IfF"All editor, down ou:h, who serred four '
days on a jury, says ho is so full of law, that
it U hard lot hint to keep Irom cheating some
body j
Got No Friend*.
VVilmot Provisoism is rapidly on the wa-e.
I- Congress, from a thren'ening monster;
whose presence endangered the existence ol |
i the Union, it has dwindled into n dwarfish j
1 skeleton, of .whidt no one is afraid The
I peopl", Duinoent's end Whigs, are discard-
I ing tlie humbug. L'ke 'ho unfortntmie .ing '
in the following annecdote. it will soor be j
, kicked with its author from the councils of i
C the nation. Read the story : and see ifauch
is not the fate of '-ihe Wilniot."
' We were travelling through Cana la, savs
a colemporary. i't the winter of 1839 ; and
after a long day's ride, stopped at the Lion's
Inn, and the contents of the stage, number- :
I ' ing about nine petsoits, soon gathered round
. 1 the cheerful firu. Among the occttpanls of !
the room we observed an ill lookingciir.who ,
, I had shown his wit liv taking up his qitarers
in so comfortable ail apartment. Afler it few
, minutes the landlord entered, and o'jservir g
I the spcciinen of the canine species remark
i 'Fine dog that !Is he yours, sir !' appeal
, ing mono of the passengers,
i -No sir.'
( | 'Beautiful dog ! Yours sir?' addressing
himself to a second.
'No,' was the blunt replr.
'Corno here, pup ! Perhaps he is yours,
. 1 "if ?'
I j 'No,' was the reply.
'Very sagacious animal ! Bel- ngs to yon,
, | I suppose ?'
j 'No lie doesn't,' was die answer.
'Then he is yen re; and yon have n treks -
( [ lire,' (throwing the animal a cracker.)
| 'Nothing of the kind.'
' l 'Oh ! (with a smile.) lie belongs to yon as
I a matter of course ?' addressing himself to
| the Inst passenger.
' 1 'Wouldn't have him at a gift.'
I i 'Then, yon infernal, difty, mea:i,contemp
| tilde whelp, get out I'
And with that, the host gave (lie poor dog
such a kick, as sen* the animal yelling into j
die street, amid, the roars of the company.
j A Fisli Story.
' j Some vears ago a case was on trial liefore J
j the Supreme Court of Mdi e, in one of the
' j pastern counties, in which tho plaintiffsought
' ; to recover compensation of mi dleged injury
' | to his fishing privilege, occasioned by the e
' ! reetioit of a mill-dam by the defendants.—
' j The testimony on the part of the plaintiff
' was clear and conclusive, aid it was suppo
j se.l the case would ho submitted to the jury
* without the production of any witnesses by
the defendants, It'll after some consultation
their counsel called an old rough weather
hen'cu fisherman who was interrogated as to
i the habit of the sal.nooaod the effect of the
I dam. He stated, among other thing', that
- he had known salmon to go right up over a
dam fifteen' toet perpeodicuUr.
! 'What is thi'it. Mr. Witness ?' said lit"
judge : 'do I undi-rstat I you to say that sal
.' mon will go over a dai.i fifteen leet perpen- (
j difiilar ?'
•Why, sartip ! Your ..honor don't know '
I no more about them are fi-lr than a child |
Why look bete, your honor, I J' ve a I'in' j
j of land that makes cont into .'he nver so.—• j
I (drawing II map with his finger on the wit (
| iters' box.) dio see, the rhltiinn going up I
, have to go clear around this here pint. Wi.'H- ,
j your honor, the fish comiit' up ihe river, r
J spiteful liko, when tltey get oil" agin my ,
; house, leap clear across, right over my house '
] and barn a hundred and fifty feet at least, j
; your honor. I've picked upiiitones, your j
honor, too heavy to fetch across, many a
The court lis'ened in mote astonishment, {
but the next moment the peremptory order. ,
! 'Mr Sheriff, put that ma t out of the house.' I
was heard above an irrepressible burst ol ,
; laughter.
is a good story told of a certain
Judge who once a poi it of law, I
while upon the bench, in opposition to the
J opinion of mi iiisigilicant pettifogger who
I witscondiicling a suit oil trinl. Whereupon :
the lawyer tinik occasion lo indulge in a
lengthy strain of ridicule and low sarcasm at ;
the Judge's expense, and without receiving I
any rebuke, from it* subject. Alter the ad- , i
jourtimeiit of the Court, and while in the j
presence ol the pettifogger and o.hers,a friend j
of the Judge u.-ked hint why lie had not or t
dered Ihe insolent upstart into custody for i
contempt of Comt. •My friends,' said his j
honor, 'when I wasa bov,and lived with my
father down in Maine, we had a little,mean,
worthless puppy ; and every night that pup
py would go out mid bark at the moon for '
hour- together!'
'Well, what ol it ; what happened ?' 1
•Oh, nothing.' said his Honor.—'nothing ] '
whatever , the moon kept right on, just as il |
no.ltiiig had happened !'
C lAL MtNE't'.- S R tr.—"umo ol the mitu * '
of Mn e*ville, S utiy lie II ro it , ml a '
Mill creek, have siruck for The wa- '
ge* are lower than they e'ver have lieen I e 1
fore,nt this rea-oii of the year, in conse- 1
queuce of the exceedingly low price t f
coal. t
An election, in Baltimore, to determine
the propriety of calling a Convention to a
rneiul the State Constitution, V. R* held on
Wednesday. There wore 7185 majority for
the Convention.
wofdsworth, the poet, died on the 23d alt
.mo, at his residence at Anbleside.
Trnlh ind aud our Country.
From Elm Cook's Journal
The t hnracter ( tlie
Were we required to characterize this age
] of ours by uny single epithet, we should be
tempted to cull it, not a heroical, dovotio! l.
■ philosophlca', or moral age, hot above all j
o her-, the in icbs'iical at ). It i dtu ago of |
j machinery, in every outward and inward ;
sense ot that word; the age which,
j willi its whole undivided niight, forwards, j
teaches, and prtctise* the grc.-.t art of adapt - |
it.g mean* to ends Nothing is now done !
directlv, or by hand; all is by ruls and cab j
ettlatpil coi.trivanee. For tho simple-! oper
ation, some helps and accompaniments, <
some conning, Abbreviating process is in |
readinpss.—Our old modus of exertion arc all |
! disereJityd. and. thrown uside. On every j
| hand, the livirg artisuiv is driven from his
: workshop, to make room for a spiedier, in
aiiiuiale one. The shuttle drops from the j
fingers of ihe weave? and falls i Ho iron fin- i
gers that ply il faster. The sailor furls bis |
! sail, and Jay* down his our, and bids a strong, j
i unwearied servant, on vaporous wings, bear !
i hitn through the water-*. Men ha-e crossed
oceans by steam ; the Birmingham lire-king |
I lias visited the fnhulous east; and he geui- ,
| us ot tliu Cape, were tliero any Camoens j
' now to sing it, has again heett alarmed, and j
with far stronger thunders than Gutna's. There j
lis no end to machinery- Even the horse i* |
stripped of his harness, and finds a licet fire- |
horse joked in his stead. No)', weltavu an
artist that hatches chikeushy steam, the very
i broiMl-hen is to he superseded! For all earth
j ly, and for feme imcartlihy purposes, we
have machines and mechanic, furtherances;
' for mincing our cabbages, for ca-ting us it!-
to magueuu sleep We remove motiqtniiis,
j and make sea* our smooth highways; tioth
cau resist us. We war with rude nature
! ami, by our resistless engines, eomo oft ul
■ ways victorious, and loaded wi It spoils.
! What wonderful aecossions have thus been
, mede, and are still making, lo the p* ysical
| power of mankind; ho v much better fed,
; clothed, lodged.'iitid. in all outward respects
j accoinmodated men now are, or might he.
| by a given coantiiv of labor, is a grateful re
| flection which forces itslf on every one
: What changes, too this addition of power is
! introducing into he social system ; how
i wealth tins more and more increased, and at
the same time gathered itself more and more
i into masses, strangely altering the old rela
| lions, and iocrea ing Ihe distance between
! the rich and poor, will he a question for pn
! lineal economists, and a much more crun-
I ph'X and important one than any tlipy have ,
yet engaged with. Our true deity is media- j
■ ism. Il In s subdued external nature for us, |
J and wo think it will do all other things.—
| We are giants in physical pnw-w ; we are
j Titans, that strive, by heaping mjj-itaia on
I mountain, to conquer heaven a so.
Gems from I.oiisfcllow.
i Morality witont religion is only a child of i
; dead reckoning—an endeavor lo fi id our
I place on a cloudy sou by measuring the dis
' lane/ we have run. but without any ohserva- |
| lion of lite heavenly bodies,
j Many readers judge of the power of a book
by the shock it gives their fee.iiigs—is some j
savages determine the power of muskets '■•)• i
i their recoil; that being considered the best
' which fairly prostrates tin* purchaser.
Metl ot genius are oben dull and inert in
s (l Njie;y; as the 11 iziug inetenr, when it do • I
' to earth is oily a stone.
V.'ith many readers, hril'iancy of sty I" i
pa ses i'or ,'tHuence of thought ; they mis j
take buliau'up- 4 - ra ~ a for iinmeasurii-1
ble gold mines' ui.'der the grouia'.
Tt.e motives a:.'l p'trpf ' *of authors are j
not always so pore and lii:rh, as if the euthtt- |
siasin of youth we soniei.'mi?* imagine. F>*
many, the trumpet of fame is n.oii"B hut a ■
tin horn to call tlieni home, liko htbi^ rßrs of]
the field, at dinner lime,, and they lh.'"k | (
themselves lucky to get the dinner. •
Crities are sentinels in the grand army of |
letters, stationed at the corners of itevvspa- I
l>ers and reviews to chailenge every new au- (
T.':c natural alone is permanent. Fan:as- f
tic idols inuy be worsltip|ieil for avvhilu; (
but at length they are overran rd by tho con
timial and silent progress of truth, as the .
grim statues of Cnpan have been pushed
from their pedestal by the growth of forest
trees whose seed was sown by the winJ ill
the ruined walls. a
Cure for V unity tl
We don't know tlie reason of it, but cor- *
tainly it appears lo be a fact that persons J.
prizo nil occupation to proportion to the IHII
t-ic'l ease it will admit. Of this cla-*s was no
old woman 't'llrtut I met lit fny travels. We 1
had |ieeu bu-y during the day running a
lit a through a dense p e.-e of woodland The
idd woman gazed on us for some time in si
lence. We all saw she wanted lo enter into '
conversation ; and none, with the exception r
of myself, wished to gratify her. I soon
commenced a dialogue on va-ious subjects
and things, and as a manor of course I put
my best leg forward. Btrnrk with my lan-
gunge, she exclaimed in a tone quite flatter- p
j 'g lo my vaiti'y:
"La! how larued you are." •
But the compliment received a death blow i
'■lf I was as lamed a trhnlttr at yoQ/'eOtl- '
■timed she, '-I'd quit iojuieeriu' and go keep- 1
iu' a little grocery!" 4
cr A fellow of a philosophic tarn of mind,
who was kicked down stair* tho other day, t
went home and wrote • eulogy on leather. r
Boys nml Girls.
Tho times have indeed sadly changed
One entire portion of h.iman life siruck out.
It is now, boyhood or manhood. There is
no conseruatws stifo—(we do not speak po
j lineally ) Once there were intermediate
j stales of boyhood—bare-footed and bean
; porridge entina s ale, a spelling and cypher
i ing oeriod—when there were liovs to do the
J chores and go errands—when apprentice in-
I dentures were in fashion, and manhood was
! well defined by the "freedom suit'' Bit
i there are no such things now. Tho cli'dd
t steps out of his diaper and frock iut<* along
i tailed coat ami high heeled boots. He ix
| changes the bre let fur the cigar. Not one of
1 the present generation ha* ever seen n real
i bona fide "nine-day-old" pot of bean-por
ridge ; and Noah Weh.ter's spelling book is
1 crowded out of school by high works oa
] philosophy and metaphysics. There itio no
1 apprentices now. Young men take a few
■ lessons iir,he trade they fancy, and thou
j set up lor themselves.
But the present genera ions is as destitute
or girls us if boys It is either baby or la
-1 dy—nursery or patlor. Tho mother lends
her infant, or wai's upon her daughter. Iu
stead of spinning flax lor their father's shirt,
: thej' reel silk for the lady 's fair; and instead
j of knitting stockings and mending trousers
| for their toothers, tliey work luce and inako
j stays lor tliemselvee. The mother milks,
churns, mends, washes, and irons—and
tlioir daughters—the ' Indies''—r ad novels,
dress, and make mid receive calls. Tltey
make parties, instead of puddings, and cook
from the book rather than from knowledge.
We should be delighted to see a genera
tiou of boys and girl-—in looks, actions and
dress ; we should then hope for health nod
strength, industry and sobriety, frugality and
economy, p.osperily and happiness. We go
for protection lo this class of our communi
ty. Every father should impose a lurid, one
that should amount lo an entire prohibition,
o.) the '.ntreduction of fashionable lollies in
to the family. He should protect aud enforce
homo industry. He and It's wife and chil
dren should enter i ito a "Him-; League - ' on
the subject. This i* the tariff that will re
store confidence. This is the bank that will
freely discount and never suspend.— Alex m
dria Index.
SCENE ATA DtsT.ucr SCHOOL.—First class
in philosophy— step our—close jour books.
"Ilobbs svhut is meant by the animal king
dom ?" "Lions, tigers, elephants, rhinocer
I oses, liippn'ninusps, alligators, monkeys,
j jacka-isess. hack-dri-er-*. and schoolmasters.''
[ —-'Verywell —hot you'll take a lickin for
that la-t remark.'' "Giles wlta' is the mine
ral kingdom ?"' "The hull ot Calilorney.''
"Walk straight up head ?" "Johnson what
is the vegetable kingdom ? ' 4 Garden saree,
j potatoes, carrots, irigyon*. and all kinds of
( greens '.lint's good for cooking." "And what
i are pine*, and hemlocks, and elms—ain't
| they vegetables?" No sir ee—vou can't cook
| 'cm —hem's s 'to logs from in' timber." "Boys
give me a piece of apple, and you can have
an hour's intermission—except HoShs."
I Class in M thtni'ti.s. "Dawson, six times
I six /'' "Is iliir.v-six." "are—, lural." "Are
j thirty-six." "King, niuetimesnine ?" "Am
otghty-one." 'Vfmthey?'' "Yes thry le"—
(referring lo t.i.i tables for proof ol his as
sertion.) "Give me your -la c—l'll teach
yon that English grammer i- a very impor
tant part of Mathematics—(write-.) Here
Ido this snot before yon leave this school-
I house. I'robletn. If Tom Ilyer whipped
| Yankee Sullivan in seventeen rounds. Who
j struck 3illy Patterson ?" I had to leave.
EXTJCNDINO THE LAW.—A Scotchman cal- ]
led at the house of Lawyer Fletcher, of Ve:- j
inoi't, >o consult that legal gentleman proles- J
sion .Ily. '"ls the squeer at home? ' ho in--J
quired of the lawyer's lady, who opened the I
door at his summons. Ha was answered
Disappointment W as now added to the Ili
a's of Sco.'ia's sou, hut after a moment's cou
■ider-.tiou a njw thought relieved nim.
"Mehby yourself can gie me tho neces
sary information as well uz tho squeer—
seeitt' ye're his wife."
Tho kind lady readily promise.'! to do so
if, on learning the nature of his difficulty,
she found it in iter power, aud the other pro
ceeded to stale hi* case a* follows:
" 'Spose you was an nuln white mnro mare
ami I sit. itlil borry ye tit gangt t mill, wit . a
grist on yer back, utr we should gel no (ar
titer than Stair hill, when all sit wolncc, )c
should hack tip. an' rear tip, nn' pitch up.
an' break yer ilonrned auld nrefc, who'd pay
for ye ? not 1, dearn me if I would.
The lady smilingly tol.l bint its he hud
hintseif passed seineucu upon the case, ad
vice wou d be entin ly superfluous.
fessor A—— .va walking near Ediithurjr, he I
met oi e of those beings usually called fools.
' Piay," said tho prof,;,n r , accosting him
"how long can a person live without bruin*."
• I diniia ken,'" replied the fellow, scratching
his head, "how lung have you lived your
self, air ?"'
VIRGINIA. —It is animated that the next le
gislature of Virginia will show a Democrat
ic majority on joint ballot of at least 50. The
vote on a convention for revising the cotisli
tut ion i* largely in favor of a convention.
, TT , I
fcft"Fortune is more equally balanced af
ter all, thin half the world think it; to the
rich it give* fear—do the poor, hope.
A year ago when Ezekiel Verdant came
down to Boston with if I his earthly po-?es.
i sions. viz: homespun suit of go lo meeting
clothes, n tin razor, a line tooth comb, two ;
dozen socks, and a box of blacking, in a j
cowhide trunk, he was one of the most var
' daut specinieiis'of simplicity you ever en- j
countered. His golden hair slightly shaded
his ruddy cheeks, his garments savored of a !
i remote, and almost medoevnl age. He put :
up at a fourth raw house, and then sallied
I forth lo look about htm. H s only nrqnaut
i tnnce was a far away cousin, a student at j
j-surgpry and medicine. Mink Merriewcalher,
r| by nainn; ot: hiin Verdant relied lor infor- ■
I ni.vtinn and aid, as lie caine to Boston to pur- ]
- I sue the same career.' Now Mark hud paid I
i Verdant it visit iu ihe mountains some years j
j previ IM, arid a young Verinonter "sold" tho !
, ! city buck exteitsively—-hat is he bad put
j him on the back of a wild filly, had. upset
i | hitn on a boat, broke his head at cudgelling,
| mil extended numerous other civilties, with
i ' winch country cousins are in the hubil of
• wefenmitig their dry friends,
. | They met i" town, and after the first
greeting, inquired tho purport of his cousin's
I "I've come up here to stay a spell," was
i the reply,
i "Glad to hear it."
, "Ileow du you like your trade?"
1 "Very well."
, "Most learned it—hey?"
; "Well I'm thinkin' to foller the same line
ol business, and I want you to help me a
I "With great pleasure, Zeke; I'll put you
I through an entire course of sprouts."
I "Sprouts ?"
i "Show you the ropes."
i "Let yon see how wo do things. Whore
, shall we begin '" .
"Wall I want to see that "ero placo where
e you cut tolks. up—fust thing."
"0!t! very well—come along."
i 1 M irk did the honors of the College to
- tho guest, nnd it may bo imngined that his
I professional *nng froid offered a strong con
trast to the native, horror of his gne*t. Still
there was sort of formation in what he wit
ne.-sed diat impelled Z ike to pronounce,
s though in a faint and grasping voice, that
, every thing was ' fust rate."
At last reached a little mahogany
, "What's in tliar?" a-keil Zekiel.
' "Open a id see," said his
Z-kiel did so and Has instantly clasped in
. the rm of a fkeleton.
' Y\ ith a howl of horror he exclaimed, I
t "l.c'm me go!help! help!" '*
, i Mark was dying with laughter,
f j "Here's death alive ratch me sure e 1
' ' ttoiigh!" exclaimed tho sufferer
t | lie again appealed to Mirk for help. Find- I
; . ing his cousin inexorable, tie determined to |
• j help hims.-lf.
' Look here eld Bonypart," raid he, "if
' you don't let me go I'll lick you into fits!"!
i and getting one arm free, he dealt the skel- I
• ' e'o:t a iremendtio'is blow on the head, which j
i knocked him hack into ihe box, ihe doors ot j
• which elored instantly, leaving Zekiel a free:
■ man ugkiif.
"That 'ere 'na'.nmy wasa poorly behaved {
pup,'' he remarked, re-nssnre-l by tho sue- |
1 ! cess of his exerli'iis. "I have a good milid I
I to shake him out of hi* box, and gin' jhim n |
I regular licking. Why did'ut you stop in j
when you see him nMackin' me."
"I siood by to see fair play." said Mark.
"Wall, you just tell him this Irom me,"
I saiil Ezekiel. "as lnngrs he keeps himself I
! iu his own quarters. I'll let hint alone, but if j
lie over come* across me out 'en thi* 'ere j
plnre, I'll wallop him like winkm. 1 '
A few daysn't,.r thi , Zekiel who had
j made fi rtnal application to Dr. . to be
I received as a -Iu- ent, reeeiv-d a note from
'hai gentleman, r iquesting him to call at the
He accordingly ra-g at tile door ttf tho
doctor's aristocratic mansion. It must be '
bor ie in mind that the doctor is as thin as;
nssible for a live man t ■ be. He was seat- '
ed in his study chair when Zekiel entered. 1
so that the young man did not nt first glance
recognize the peculiarity of his appearance; 1
but when lie stood up and extended his hand
a luminous idea flashed through tho brain of 1
ihe visitor. s
'•Hands off," said lie, "no shaking paw* '
with me. I know ) oUr Ifil ks."
Ihe doctor assumed an air of aslortsh- '
ment and offended dignity.
"A* you please, young man, 1 ' mid he sit- t
ting down.
"Oh ! you need';,i be so ofhish," said Ze- „
kiel. "You inil 1 have seen oaib o'her be
fore to-day."
I "Not to my knowledge," snid the doc- f
tor. i
"P'rap* not" *ai<l Zekiel knowingly, "I ,
say old feller how's your head ?" (
'•My head ! tourcra/y " {
"Not by along chalk." 1 say." he added j
io a confiden;tal whisper, "how cften dotß-y ,
I t you out ?" f
"Ye*darn you, I know you. if yOu have t
got your doilies on ; you're the livin skele- i 1
ton tltey keep up to the College there—lh ji
cbap that 1 gin the ii skin' to the other dev." 1
'i he doctor burst into a Jond laugh, tut- )
deceived hi* visitor, and received him as a 4
pupil, but even hit cousin daree not remind
him of the adventure, for if he did, he
would not have whole booea to note ankcl- 1
etoa. <
[Two Dollars poi 1 Intins
t! r-5 • ~n TVnt i) ' 'f f
W. *
'ltst of Affjctiou.
i Mr. ArrliibaM Stanhope—a p;en!i-|
| menlahst, in Buckley slree Tliils
| delphia—conceited llie harrowing stifcpl.-ion
I that his wife was not as passionately fnn'l of
j him as n lady of good *| loo ),| . . ni(
| to put the mailer to a fair trial, he hit on a
j lit.le slmtegem which he put in p-acti. c i!, .
other ilny, with tho rcritl s hereafter to 1 o
; detailed
j He took a suit of cloth and composed ,i;i
| efiigy of himself, hy staffing dm garment
, w,th a quantity of straw, which hmt in;-.-" -
j been discharged from an old bed Havi,.'r
I suspended this figure to a rafter in the' an-'
i by means of a piece of cloths lir.e; enscouu
■ ced himself behind a pile of rhhbith in the
, same garret, to watch the effect.
I After awhile, hi* little daughter ettno vu
\ after a jumping rope, mid caught n gb. np ..
of the suspended figure. She ran down tl. *
stairs screaming.
'Oh, mother, mother, daddy lias hung him
•Sow for it,' thought. Archibald irt embus
cade ; 'wo shall have a touching sec ire
'Hung himself I'"he hoard Mrs. S. rencat
as she walked leisurely up stairs, 'he lt*<- >
?ot spunk enough fur such a thing or eYi
it long ago. Well, I believe lie
has done it, however," she continued <n sho
came in view of Archibald's straw rcpit
tativo. 'Moll, (to the little girl.) f tin k 1k
ought to be cut down. Vou had bei•
into the kitchen and get a knife, my dorr,
don't go down 100 fast, or you migH hr .-.C
hu.t yourself. Stay—t forgot—there n ■
knife in the kitchen sharp enough. You on:,
gn around to Mr. Humes the shoe muker, i-
Sixth street. He's only two squares off •
ask him to lend us his partus knife, r d le'.i
him 'o whet it a little before he ser. i
And Molly, while you are in the neigh- •
homl. you can cull at your aunt Sukey'e nii,"
ask how the baby Is.'
'And Molly, you can stop at the grcee
store as yon ron e back, and get a pou 1 r.
seven cent sugar. Poor Archy ! sighed A-
S. when her daughter had departed, I hope
we will gel him down before the vital spark'
distinct-*-for these bnryings arc very trouble
some and cost mono}-. He wActed to pot
an end to himself, too; and i tldpk I pi_ it
toIAt him have his own way lor once in his
I life ; he uscil to suy that I was alwavl cross
ing him. I wish he hadn't -polled that I cv
ciotlis line—.an old rope might have answere
his purpose.
Mere a viro like that Of the supposed ?j
j Ici'de, broke in upOn Mrs. Stanhrpe's sob',,,.
I quy. with, 'You confounded Je-abcl, I'll be
[ the death of yon !'
! Mrs S. thinking tnis must, nf course, be p
j ghnsfly cxcl.tmalion, uttered n wild screr-.
J and attempted to escape down the rttr—.v
staircase. Archibald, starting from hisp'aee
cf concealment, gave chase Mrs. g. stir
bled midway on the flight of s'nirs. and ,-.
S. having just reached her, and made ag
at her dishevelled hair as it streamed h.v '
wards, the amiable partners were precipi
ted to the botinm together. ' -
Both were rather badlv hurt, and the cries
of the lady raised the neighborhood. Arc .
| ibnld Was arrested for making dis-nrbr-c
i and practicing on the tender sensi.
I his wife. He was recognized in 5-200, r -
j jocularly proposed his suspended effi-;yr i
j security—but, he found to his sorrow, : • -,w
| bad' was not acceptable un ler tho admiuic
j (ration of Mayor Jones.
Coaxing up an expression.
I A brace of ' loryer 3 , *' anxious to rrci.-
each other's shadow ere the substance fu
| stepped into a Daguerreotype establi*' •
i recently, to sit for their "picicrs." Ti. ■
! gavo precedence to her swain, who, s
i saiil, "had got to be tnck fust, and real nul':i' '
I He brushed up his tow head of hair, ga - -
twist ortwo t" his neck'kerehief, asl:.-.I t . id
sheert collar stood about X, and plauti >lb
self in the operator's chair, where l
assumed the physiognomical charade!
of a poor mortal in dentist's hands, a
bout to part withone of his eye teeth. 'Y
dew look puny!" begged the lady, .
at him one of her most languishing a
Ihe picture was taken and when prod;',
it reminded the girl, as she expressed
'•jist how Josh, looked when he got over e e
measles',' and as this was not an era n
stui'jr's history, particularly worthy of -ir
commemoration, she insisted that "he should
stand it again." He obeyed, and she attend
ed him to the chair; f 'Jo-h," said she, -'j.
look like smiJiii,' dud then kinder Jc
The poor fdllStr irled to follow the in in '
nite injunction. "La," she cried, "you k
all puckered up." One direction fo i wtd
another, bill wi has Liitle suibsse'. At last,
grtiwlng impatient, and becoming de.-pr -
she resolved to try art expedient, which : .
considered infallible, and exclaimed. '•'! -d t
Ifeer it there is folks around." She art Jo": '
the operator to Stand ready at h's camrrr
she then sat in har fellar's lap, mannge.. j
east a shower of flaxan ringlets a? a sorer n
between the operator and he! proceed!: ;•,
which, howevc, were betye3 by a succes
sion of amorous sound* which revoalec! her
expedient. When this "billing and cooing"
hail laatotl a rw minutes, the canning gifl
j limped from Josh's lap, and Clapping bcr
hands, cried re tire astounded artist,—"Su a ' .
you have got him! put him threw "'-r£_
"** mm
Cf Our Mint is now coining at the rate of*
half a million • waak. Thlakroka uifu.
ej oob|to be plentiful after • sMk