an
sun
COLUMBIA
DEMOCRAT,
AND BLOOMSBURGr GENERAL ADVERTISER.
LEVI L. TATE, EDITOR.
TERMS: $2 00 PER ANNUM
"TO HOLD AND TRIM THE TOUGH OP TIIUTII AND WAVE IT O'ER THE DARKENED EARTH."
VOL. 17. NO, 22.
BLOOMS BURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PENN'A,, SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 1863,
VOLUME 27.
urn iMwnwMwrnwiMMMB
f.M
rUHMSHED EVERY 8ATURDAV, BY
LEVI L. TATE.
' N nLOOMsnuno. ani.tiMBlA county, pa.
OFFICE
H in the new Brick Ihiilding, opposite the
J:xciagc,oi thc Lourt House. " IJtmo
ei alio Head Quarters."
Select Poetry
"COME BACK, COME BACK,
McCLELLAN."
or x orrietR the oiitbd states lurr.
"Couia buck, com. bftek. McClellan I" tho frantic sol
dirrs cried,
Knrgotton wai the illsdpllii'i to long and tttcenly tried;
Ttisy rcasonod not of ordsrs, they had hearts that could
but led,
l.1ke children running from th. rank., and with a
child', appeal.
"Conic hack, come back, McClellan ('
thrill..
Tho very air yet
The tumnlt of this cheering yet I. thundorlng in the
hill, i
A hundred thousand men mid more, and not an tjo I.
dry,
At thoso battalions .ad but proud tho parting chief
rlJci by.
"Come back, coino buck, McClellan I" Their prayer,
linw much in said I
ily the .trong right arms and tho hearts yet yours, by
III. mumory uf the dead.
Our hrr'thren in their Spartan graves, cich hero on his
shield,
From Williamsburg to Malrernllilt.andon Antictam's
Field,
"lm back, come bark, McClellan I'' By the hard
ship, wo have borne,
Ily the battle'scars upon us, by our colors pierced and
torn,
Ily the foe upon whoso heels v tread, ns morning fi.
lows night,
Ily the vi.tory, grander yet than all, in the impending
fight.
"Oiiiu back.com. back, McClellan I" But In vain
th. I ii IT rod. on,
And a sword as puro as Washington's is sheathed -
and he is gone ;
J.mig shall they miss him, wise and brave, his kindly
smile and Vfdco,
A boat in lamentation, tliila thtir enemies yet ro I
Juice.
Couin back, enmo back, McCUIlun I" Not ulnno the
soldiers pray ;
Our tiiuutry weeping tears of blood, is calling you to
day,
Ily our happy Nortlern homes the fou'ii insulting ban
ners wave.
ills i-unnoii shako tho cnpilol I Come hack, come bark,
and save 1 The .Ige.
I'rom tht Vhxtadclphia .igt.
Tho Evils of tlio Timo aud their
Remedy.
he capital evils that afflict tho nation arc,
n broken Union ; civil war ; an immense and
increasing debt; great and unexampled
bitterness in the social relations of men :
and last, but not least, multiplied and
gravo errors, usurpations and abuses f
power by men in public authority. How
these evils can be most surely removed,
. 1 . . . .
b ii.
... cowruiiu im aim uoiiinuiib .epiy.
That ruply is furnished in declaring tho
policy of the Democracy of Pennsylvania-
a policy sostiple,soj.,st,soporlcctlycon-
i f-...,i , ,i :,:.. r :
s..wu .u iuu o. u.,
none nan misunderstand it, or s.neerely
question its utucss for tlic repression ot ex
iitiii!: evils.
That policy is connected with a sinccro
devotion to the laws of the land, and with
Sa deep conviction of the necessity of niain
".taining them iutact and unbroken. Thcso
', laws consist of tho Constitution and stat
7 'lutes ol the United States, and of the Con
stitutions and statutes ol the several States,
fund include much of tho common law of
'.fill lil I I . f
,.i.ngiauu aim mora icgai guarantees ot
liberty which are the boast of IWtish his-
tory. These laws of the laud mako up
it that American systom of free government
, - , , , ., i
wuieu mis insured our prosperity uuu given
us a high place of honor among tho nations
fo t.ie car.u. uui moro laws nave oeen
-'ssailed that system ol Irco government
' i&lias been interrupted in its course tho
States aro broken asunder, and sounds of 1
r I , ....
violence nit mo lanu.
It is timely, theu, to inquire, Who havo
nssailcd those laws, and who aro now tho
enemies of reunion and liberty ? Against
whom, against what interests shall tho
voico of this groat Statu bo tpoken and
ncr power no excrieu !
Uuqucttionably the radical Abolitionists
of the North assailed the laws porsistontly
and earnestly for years by incendiary
documents transmitted through the mails,
ito excito insurrection in tho South ; by
itjieeduoing negro slaves to abscond from their
masters, assisting their csoapo, secreting
; $ them from pursuit, aud by raising mobs to
resist their reclamation. They also created
and kept up agitation in Congress by peti
tions for unconstitutional laws, and tho
John Brown raid into Virginia a mission
of rapino and blood was assistod by their
contributions, aud was followed by tho
canonization by tliotn of its leador as o
(.tint, Instigated by them, many of tho
.Northern Lei'l.iliirua enacted statutes to
slulcat or impede tho reclamation of fngi-
t'lvo slaves under the laws of tho United
States, thus giving State sanction to tho
revolutionary spirit
At last thu Republican party was foun
ded, and drew most of tho Abolitionists
into its ranks, and along with them obtain
ed their passions and their fatal dogma
that thcro are laws of tho individual will
higher in obligation than tho laws of tho
land, and that the latter, when they con
flict with tho former, may bo broken with
out guilt and without roproacli. It fol
lowed, in duo course, that tho decision of
tho Supremo Court of tlio United States
upon negro citizenship and tho rights of
Southern men in tho Territories was de
nounced, and acquicscuco in it refused by
tho Republicans, and tho validity of any
law establishing slavory was denied in their
platform adopted at Chicago. They re
fused to bo bound by tho law, and their
platform was itself a repudiation of the
laws, as it denied their obligation,
The Abolitionists and the Republican
party are, therefore, first in fault, in break
ing away from good faith, duty and law,
and their example, and the apprehension
of further acts of aggression upon South
ern rights by them, provoked (although
they could not justify) the existing great
rebellion.
That rebellion was against tho laws of
the United States, and put tho whole body
of them at defiance. Although it asscited
for itself a legal ground of justification, it
is most manifest that it was lawless And
unauthorized. The compact of Union
being without limitation of time, must be
held, as intended by its authors, to bo per
petual ; and the provision contained in it
for its own amendment provides tho only
' lawful mode by which its obligation can bo
limited ur changed. Considering secession
I as a breach of tin public law, an 1 in view of
tho immense interests put in peril by it,
I this State concurred in measures of hos
! tility against the South. But this was
ilouo to vindicate the broken law, and to
' secure tho objects for which tho Govern
( mcnt of tho United States was originally
founded, and for no purpose of conquest,
of oppression, or of fanatical experiment.
Upon this ground wo may justify our con
' duct, and submit it, without apprehension
of censure, to the judgment of future times,
! jJaUho war ,as lasted moro than two
ycargj aa Us mamgcmeBt) and lll0 Eca3.
un:s 0ncgislation and of Executive policy
( whiol haV(J accompal,icd it) have g5ven
O0Basjon foP froqucnt and just oompiatnt..
, It bail boell so managcd that our armies
. bcfln outnumbcrod whcr0 dccisivc
battcs wcrc to bc Xn hQ bcen
, rashly thrown upon impregnablo positions
of tlio enemy. Our forces, greatly out
- mlmuSrin!r those of the fionfmlerarn.,. tin
. ,I!snnr,a !im, sn ,,nm11(,(1 ,,,.
I lbcir iuporiorlt, bas not dctorinined the
. . ,.arnniljn. OP P.nnnhuUA nnn
id
tMte Aflcr contributing onc-fifth of a roil.
o n)ca ,Q (hc Br gtatc
war, our otatc is in
suited by raids, and is made dependent
upon the friendship of neighboring States
for her immediate defence.
Rut it is not tho mifmanagcincnt of par
ticular military operations, nor other mero
error of policy of our rulers, that has sunk
1 into tho hearts of freemen as matter of
most deep and enduring complaint. Mere
ni;Muauagement or error may be imputed
1 10 inC3CGrienco iu war. to accident, to ex-
I 4 '
CcptionaI or temporary causes, or, at tho
W0Mtj l0 :ncomI)l.tcnoy. Rut what shall
bo said of acts 0fConeress and acts of tho
Executive in contempt of the Constitution,
which, bearing upon the war, havo pro
tracted it. united the enemv. divided our
own pooplC) and placcd u, in a fa,g0 pos;
t;(J) boforc thc nati0l18 of the earth I
! Tbo Confisoation Act and the Emancipa -
Hon Proclamation arc, in tho opinion of
a hrge p,ut ot our pcopjC not on,y un.
i wiso aud injurious to our cause, but also
w10i)y uauthorized by any principle of
i be 1 tgrroiit oreonstitntional law. We need
g0 blll a liulo way bcyoml thc doctrino 0f
j tb mcasurcs beforo wc concludo that tho
, b H j to cntiro lowns atld
a servile, savago race bo let loose to works
of rapine and barbario war.
But not merely in tho policy of tho war
in our rolations with tho enemy has
illegality, with consequent ovil, nppcarcd.
In thcso Northern States, wholly untouch
ed by revolt, tho public ecuso has been
outraged by repeated and flagrant acts of
arbitrary power. Tho enumeration vof
those would constituto a volume, and tho y
a ft '
furnish a premonition of ovil in the futu-o
i which cverv patriotic mind should ucw
I witli deep apprehension. How long
' can th0 law bo habitually and offensively
I brokou by tho publio authorities, in
peaceful and freo communities, before
resistance will bo provoked and -a reign of
social duordur cstubluucd :
Thus, upon reviewing our affairs, wc
poroolvo how tho spirit of revolution
that is of disregard and opposition to law
has worked to our injury how it pres
ses upon us with a heavy hand at the
present moment, and threatens our futuro
welfare. And wo discovor also the par
ties or interests who are, in this connec
tion) chargeable with guilt. Tho picture
is dark and gloomy enough to create both
abhorrenco and fear.
Unfortunately there is no certainty of
the amendment of our affairs by parties or
administrations now in possession of pow
er: The Abolitionist stands implacable
and insolent as of old, and gives pervorted
direction to the war. Tho Republican
party, incapablo and prone to abuse, lias
control of the Federal Government and of
most of tho Stato Governments North aud
West ; and tho Confederate Government
inimical to reunion, holds position in the
South. From nonj of these ran wo expect
the firm establishment of Union, order,
liberty and law. Wo are not to look to
the guilty for salvation, nor to those who
break tho laws for their restoration. Tho
Abolitionist, the Secessionist, aud the Re
publican Administration and party, have
each gsne away from the laws of tho land,
and it is because of their unfaithfulness to
duty that wasting war and tho othor evils
beforo mentioned afflict tho country. It is
idle to expect from either the restoration
of good government, and a firm Union
based upon the affections of the people.
Rut for all the wrong that has been done,
and for all the consequent calamities that
havo fallen upon us, the great majority of
tho people of tho United States arc not re
sponsible at least not responsible in tho
senso of having intended them. And thcro
can be no question that if that majority
could now act directly and fully upon
public affairs, thoy would decree immedi
ate peaco, union and lawful rule, as they
existed in former times, and would put
down, or put i.sidc, all who would veuture
to oppose, or would seek to delay, tho re
alization of these great objects. The Abo-
liiionists proper never commandod a majo
ity, even in the North; tho Republican ' the States shall bc convened,
party was in a minority of nearly a mil- The Constitution shall express It provide
lion of votes at the Presidential election of in the very machinery of government, a
1800, and it is believed that a majority of power of defence against sectional parties.
the Southern people were opposed to so-1 Reduced to their simplest expression
cession even after that election, and ahan-' these declarations signify that wo shall
donod their Unionism reluctantly, under stand to law and duty, and provido against
tho pressure of subsequent events. ( future dangers. Aud if thoy, or the sub-
In point of fact, active earnest miuori-. stance of them wero distinctly endorsed
tics, North and South, havo seized power I and held up to public contemplation by the
and controlled tho course of events, and , States just mentioned, can any one doubt
tho great mass of tho people havo appear- j that the effect produced would be imincdi
ed to bc unable to direct their own des-1 nte and extensive and salutary ? The end
tinies and secure their own welfare. They j would then como into view, and its ccr
wero prepared at tho outset of tho rcbell- tainty would accolcrato events, and give
ion to have maintained peace by some set- j them proper direction. We would have
tleraent of existing difficulties, and if tho a question of weeks or of months, instead
Crittenden Compromise had been submit -
ted to them it would havo been prcmptly
and gladly accepted. But that occaon
was permitted to pass by those who could
havo improved it. War came, and for
moro than two years a great, intelligent
and free pcoplo, most earnestly desiring
peace, have been slaughtering oanh othor,
accumulating enormous burdens of debt
to prejs upon themselves and upon futuro
generations, and have not yet bcen able
to extricate thomselvc from the difficulties
that purround them.
What then is tho remedy for theso evils?
One would think that he that runs might
read it. Surely our cxperienc should light
up tho road of safety, and causo willing
feet to turn away from tho paths of error
to tread it. The remedy is, to call to pla
ces oj power the men who have Ictpt the
laws, and to eject from power those who
' liave broken them. Tho right of suffrage
yet exists. It has not bcen stricken down
by military force, and it remains to us as
tho great instrument of sovereign power
prepared by tho caro and wisdom of our
ancestors not only for prosperous times
but also for tho days of misgovcrnment and
calamity. By wisely cxcrcWng it, wo
may yet rcdicm our lame, and seouro tho
futuro.
Tho Democracy of Pennsylvania stand
upon this necessary and rightful principle
of publio morals aud of national ndomp
tion : The restoration and the support of
oil thc laws ofthelindas llicy were agreed
upon letwecn thc Mutes, or have been en
acted by Congress. This excludes all nul
lification, 6ccossion; proclamation-law, ar
bitrary arrests, abolition mobs, and Chi
cago platforms. Hut It is nut inconsistent
with tho repeal or amendment of particu
lar statutes, or with tho amendment of tho
Constitution. The power of amondment
is itself a fundamental law, and on inval.
uable feature of our i-yston.
With a good rause, and with oandidatos
I worthy cf tho came , wo stand up once
moro in this Commonwealth and invoke
the favor of tho people. Our party has
not struck at tho Constitution, nor broken
tho laws, nor evoked tho demon of section
alism, nor boon in any rospect unfaithful
to thoso vows of union which our fathers
pledged to tho pcoplo of our sister States.
Tho words of faith pronounced on behalf
of Pennsylvania by tho Clymers, Mc-
Koans and Ingersoll3 of former limes, we
have kept, and wo Intend to keep thorn in
letter and spirit unto tho end.
What is proposodis, that this State shall)
at tho coming electing, takes a front rank
in a general movement of tho Central
States for the redemption of tho country
from misrule, and wasting war, and im
pending bankruptcy, and from utter dis
grace. New York, New Jersey, Ohio,
Indiana and Illinois, and tho bordar States
south of theso, can stand up with us, and
agree with us in uttering tho words which
will save tho future from tho grasp of
ruin. And let it bo said :
The sectional Republican party shall go
down shall bo voted out of power.
All laws shall bc kept, and kept as wcil
by President as by citizen.
No proclamation-made law.
No arbitrary arrests.
No Rastiles.
No suppression of the press or of free
speech.
No confiscation of private property ex
cept for crime judicially ascertained.
No emancipation by Federal power, or
at tho expense of tho Federal Treasury.
The laws of war shall ho observed.
The Confederate Government must re
tire from the scene, and its armies bc dis
banded or put down.
Tho Confederate debt to be the concorn
of tho States which incurred it.
The Union shall be perpetual, and shall
bc declared so.
The recent legislation of Congress shall
be reviewed and corrected.
The public debt of tho United States
shall be honestly paid.
No duties or taxes except for revenue.
A Convention of all or threo-fourths of
1 of years or c fan indefinite period. in roach-
ing the day of relief. And when reached,
the adjustment of our troubles would bo
complete and permanent, differing in both
these respects from a result achieved by
, force alone.
1 It ought not to be our desire, and it is
( our interest, to mako a Hayti or a
I'oland of tho South,
I Ut it is not here proposed to discuss
' generally tho question of tho war or the
1 question of the reconstruction of the Union,
but to present the positions of parties with
referenco to tho principle of lawful rule.
Aud thc point insisted upon is, that a party
faithful to law and duty must take possess
ion of publio power before wo can reason
ably expect a just and houorablo peace,
firm reunion and enduring safety. Let
this thought sink deeply into tho minds of
tho pcoplo, and they will certainly restore
the Demoeratio party to power, and will
put down tho guilty aud lawless factions
who have abused their confidonco and be
trayed their hopes.
STRENGTH OF THU NOUTH AND SOUTH.
Forney, tho editor of tho Philadelphia
Press, generally known as "Lincoln's
Dog," now says : ''As a war power the
South is stronger now, and has from tho
beginning bcon stronger than tho North."
Four months ago Forney devoted a column
ofubusoto tho editor of this journal for
saying tho samo thing in a spocch in
r)l,;io,lnll,!n . (IWn linvn mn ril nrori 200 .
nnn.s... j ,lln.l ..n ,w
7 7 .
Ui IHU tUU lit llVUJ Vft mvi " wtw
our heads, with no other result than to
teach us this lesson, "that numbers is not
neccssartlly strength. " Four months ago
Forney denounced us as a "traitor," for
proclaiming what ho has at last confessed
to bo true. In the vocabulary of tho to
wretohtd dolts not to bo a fool is to bo a
'truttor.'-OW Uwut.
The CotUlitU'ion and Unioq forevor.
What tho Abolitionists S&y.
The Anti'Slavery Society held a cele
bration on tho Fourth, at Farmington,
Massachusetts. Tho great speech was from
Wendell Philips, nntl ho is reported to
havo said :
"Mr. Lincoln, deluded by his own am
bition, aud misled by artful counsellors,
.1. it., fl-.. Li 1 .1 Ttr.1.!....l-
uuu iiiauu vuu uuiuiuiuunt ti aauiuiuu,
a national committee to manaee the next
Presidency, and to carrj on tho'war sub
ordinate to tho chances of a certain party
to the Presidency. Mr. Postmaster Blair
had approached Mr. Senator Wilson weeks
ago, and asked if it was not timo to put
Mr. Lincoln in nomination. Ho denounc
ed Mr. Rlair's spceeh,recently made at Con
cord, which he called Lincoln's bid for the
Presidency. He said Blair ivus the bold
est liar on the continent t Washington was
tho greatest obstacle to tho success of the
Union ; and the drunkeness of Hooker
was nothing camparcd with Lincoln."
''These sentiments received the enthusi
astic approbation of the assembly. S. S,
Foster then in ado a speech in opposition
to the war. He is represented to havo
said :
"Ho had no choice between the Govern
ment of Jeff. Davis and Abraham Lincoln ;
they were both fighting for slavery. Ho
had discouraged enlistments, and should
do so. He hoped Gon. Leo would succeed
in Pennsylvania and take New York and
Boston, and tho North bo brought to star
vation, until universal emancipation was
proclaimed. War is of tho devil, and if
followed up will lead to hell."
Northwnhcrlandcounty Democrat.
A Wohd to Real Union Mun.
Don't try to please tbo fellows who arc
now crying out "Union!" "Union !' so
lustily,
They aro the men who have during their
entire lives labored to break up tho Union,
They have not even tho merit of death
bed repentenco. Their whole object is
to make political capital. Thoy wouldn't
to-morrow have the Southern States back
in thc Union with the untrammelled right
yet of voting Thoy are indeed a set
of noisy and dangerous hypocrites. Dis
trust them avoid them laugh at their
masks, pay no heed to their abuse Do
your duty to your country, its laws and
institutions, and let these amazing Phari
sees play their faree. But by all means
keep clear of their praise when they
give you that, you may bo certain you
have done a moan ihin.
Daniel the PnoniEr. Daniel Web
ster, in a speech in Fanucl Hall, March
7th, 1850, thu3 opened his mouth and
prophesied : "If tho fanatics and abolition
ists ever get power in their hands they will
overide the Constitution, set tho Supremo
Court at defiance, change and mako laws
to suit themselves, lay violent hands on
those who differ with them in their opin
ions, or dare question their infallibility,
and finally bankrupt tho country and del
uge it with blood." For such sagacious
uttcrings as these tho groat statesman was
persecuted to the last hour of his life, and
then maligned in his grave by tho intoler
ant fanatics of Now Eugland, But thoro
stand his prophetic words, high above this
terrible hour of their sad fulfilment. And
thoro they will stand when the names of
his defamers shall be used only to dcGno
an era of crime and blood,
Tho niggerhcad journals, aro anx
ious to impress their readers with a belief
that the democrats in Famklin, Cumber
land, York and Adams counties gavo infor
mation 'o tho rebels, during tho invasion,
of tho looation of concealed property, &c.
No facts aro given to sustain such a
charge or insinuation, simply becausotbey
do not exist.
Tho whole story is of tho eamo lying
niggerhcad origin as that which wo some
times meet with in journals of that school,
about "cheers for Jeff. Davis" being callod
for at demoeratio meetings. Such cheers
havo been proposed at demoeratio gather
ings, but always by somo niggerhcad inter
loper, who generally finds tho place too hot
and skedaddles without tho oheorB !
A Ni:w Sect. "Woll, Jano this is a
' qUCOt World," said JoO to
his wifo ; "a
sect of women philosopher! has just sprung
' up." "ludeed," said Jano, "and what do
1 they hold ?' "Tho strangest thing In na
. lure," said he; "their tongues I"
. N Meetin(18. Uol. Wm. Ilirnov.
m commaml of some r)00 negro soldiers
Jn WniWl)g,on city, 1Io marohed them
gix .. tQ ft muting tho other
, Tbe o,ggor8 thought t(Jor(JaD
was a bard road lo traveli
Offlco Seeker's CateohiBm.
Class of Administration olllco seekers,
stand up.
"Who made you V
"Abraham Lincoln 1"
'What is tho noblost work of God!"
"A Negro?"
"Who is tho'mcanost man in tho world?"
"Gon. Geo. B. McClellan 1"
"Who are tho traitors?"
"All who aro his friends 1"
'What is tho objeotof tho war t"
"Negro 1"
"In what roats tho hopo of Amcrioal"
"Tho negro 1"
"What is the duty of tho army I"
"To arrest all who beliove in tlio Con
stitution 1"
"Who is this war benefitting ?"
"Army contractors, rich mon, Kepub-
lican generals, money shavors, cotton
stealing generals and negroes !"
"At whoso expense ?"
"Tho people's V
"What is the tost of patriotism
"Abuso of Democrats 1"
"Why is tho negro tho equal to tho
whito man ?"
"Because God crcatod them both t"
"On that principle a jackass is tho
equal of a Brigadier General?"
"Oh course I"
"How shall the policy of this Adminis
tration bc manifested ?"
"By tho suppression of speech, mob
bing printing offices, and imprisonment of
all Democrats there is not rope enough to
hang !"
"Is a union of sentiment a feeling of
any importanco in tho prosecution of the
war ?"
"No 1"
"In your neighborhood aro you consid
ered a man os sound sense ?"
"Hardly 1"
"Aro you oipablo of supporting your
self by honest labor !''
"Never tried it don't know !"
"Do you hate a Democrat moro than
you do tho devil ?"
"Yes yes yesl"
"All right if thero is no office vacant,
a now one shall bo created for you at
once!"
The IIouuosop Wah. A letter from
Port Hudson says, on Wednesday, June
17th, tho rebels agreed to a flag of truce
allowing us to go upon thc battlo field of
thc previous Sunday and recover our
dead and wounded, who laid in plain
sight of our forces, but could not be ob
tained in conscqueneo of tho close prox
imity of thc rebel sharpshooters. During
this long period some of our wounded laid
upon tho ground exposed to tho hot sun.
Our men brought off and buried one bun
drcd and fifteen officers and soldiers.
Tho dead were so much decomposed that
their clothing alone held them together.-
A long trench was dug, and tho bodies
were all laid in one common grave, iden
tification being impossible. Thrco men
wero found alive, one of whom was a rav
ing maniac. Thoy caught just rain enough
in tho shower of Monday night to sustain
life while they lay upon tho field. Ono
of thorn states that ho conversed with
eleven wounded men on Monday, who
woro lying near him ; on Tuesday eight
wero alive, on Wednesday morning four
only responded and when the flag of truce
was displayed, but one in that vicinity
was alivo, to tell of tho sufferings. Oh,
thoso long hours of horror beforo death
came to their relief I Somo wero found
with their clothes torn nearly to threads
in their strugglos with death.
A Slight Mistake. Tho boat had
just arrived, and tho landing was, as usual,
crowded with cabmon, porters, eto. When
the passengers commenced landing, a por
ter stopped up to a country looking chap
saying :
l,n...n l,.nn.nl, Clr"
"No."
"Shan't I oarry your haggago !"
"Not I ain't got any baggago ?"
Tho porter looked at liim for a minute,
then vory coolly stooped down and taking
bold of his foot, said with an air of aston
tnont :
"Why, mastor, that's ono of your feet,
ain't it? Hang mo if I didn't think it was
a leather trunk."
- -.--
tST Wo boo an announcement of the
marriaco of a Mr. Groonbaok. Look out
for "legal tenders."
rsy-Old Ben. Franklin said "thcro
never was a good war uor a bad peace,"
C Covet wisdom with rog. and no
ono will endorse her,
One Good Tuns Deserve3 Another.
Mr. Pilkinson, a small farmorin Penn
sylvania, was somo timo slnco drafted for
the service of his country. Tho wifo,
though nho posasssod hut a Bmall stock of
general Information, (s ono of tho host con
jugal partners, as sho was much troubled,
at thc thoughtof parting with herhusband'
As sho was cngagod in scrubbing off hor
dooralcpfl, a rough-looking man cauio up
and thus addressed her :
"I hoar, ma'am that your husband hag
bcen drafted.
"Yes, sir, ho has," answered Mrs Pilk
inson, "though, dear knows, there's few
mon that couldn't bettor be sparo from
their families."
"Well, ma'am, I'va onmo to offer myself
as a 6ubstituto for him."
"A what ?" asked Mrs. Pilkingston with
somo excitement.
"I'm willing to take his place," said tho
stranger.
"You tako tho placo of my husband,you
wretch I I'll teach you to insult a distres
sed woman that way, you vagabond !"
Pilkinson, ns she discharged tho dirty
soap suds in tho face of tho discomfited anil
astonished aubstitute,who took to his heel
just in time to escape having his head bro
ken by tho bucket.
Tho last great horticultural show
at Namur, was tho most remarkable over
seen in Belgium. Thcro woro moro than
30,000 specimens of fruit exhibited, com
prising 8000 varieties. It required 0000
plates to hold this immenso quantity of
fruit. Tho Belgian gardeners produced
the finest pears, the German gardeners tho
finest apples, and tho French tho finest
grape?.
An Excuse. A dear little girl of four
years was saying her prayers, not lon
since, when her roguish brother throo yeais
older came slighly behind and pulled her
hair. Without moving her head, she
paused and said : '-Plcaso Lord, ex- mo
mo a minute while I kick Freddy." Wa
havo known older persons to exemo them
selvos from prayjng to "kick somebody."
J6Sf The Republican organ of Johns
town call-. Gov. Seymour "a bastard den
ocrat." Wo supposo ho docs this out o
respect to the Governor for his kindness in
sending 20,000 trooops to defend this nig
ger worshipper from capturo by tho
rebels.
SO?" A goose that sees another drink
will do the same, though ho Is not thirsty.
The custom of drinkiDg for company, when
drinking is dispensible and prejudicial,
seems to bo a case of tho samo kind, and
to a man, feathers only excepted, upon a .
footing with a goose.
ICf A young lady in our town in so ro
fined in her language, that sho never uars
tho word "blackguard," but substitute
"African sontinel."
She most certainly is a member of ths
"Loyal Leagues."
J56T An intelligent farmer, being asked
if his horses woro woll matched, replied ;
"Yes, they are matched first-rate ; ono of
them is willing to do all tho work, and
tho othor is willing he should."
1ST Charles II, on remarking to Mi'
ton that his loss of sight was a judgment
from heaven, was immediately silenced by
tho poet's retort of "How was it when
your farther lost his head I"
JBS7Thero is a young chap out West
with hair so red that when ho goes ouk
beforo daylight ho is taken for sunrise,
and the cocks begin to orow.
So?" 'A man is a bruto to bo joali m of
a good woman, a fool to bo jealous of
worthless one, but a double fool to cut
his throat for cither of thc in.
Figurcs won't lie," is au old and
lomely cxpicssion i yet fow can look on
a fashionable woman's figures novv-a-daya
and say as much.
SSf If you wish to collect together all
tho pretty girls in town, advertise a "lcc
turo to young men."
K7 Tho stuff that dreams aro of oys
ters, alo, and a iittlo old ryo taken just
beforo going to bed.
Bfif Tho last euro for consumption wn
havo read of, is to swallow live frogt with
out cliCTviug.
$3r Nevor bo without a qiiartor in your
pocket, and jou will olway to a quarttc
maater.