Newspaper Page Text
AND BLOOMSBURG GENERAL ADVERTISER.
LEVI L. TATE, Editor.
"TO HOLD AND TllIM THE TOUCH OF TRUTH AND WAVK IT O'Eli THE DARKENED 13A11TII."
S2 00 PER ANNUM;
VOL. 14.-NO. 10.
BLOOM SBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA-, SATURDAY, JUNE 23, 1800.
T II E
A IS H'uUMIFD LIERY SAIL It DAY MOItMltfl, DY
' f liKVI L. TAT13,
IN BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, TA.
d mo k
f lAe ! Mr TiuUdinff, opposite th J'.rehatiffe, by sid
' the Court Home. "Democratic Head (iuarttri."
TKHMfi OF StHISHUPTION.
$1 0() In alvarice. f'r nr' copy, frU monthi.
I 7.1 III (1 U.tliriJi l'r "in-r(iiy, miir ji-iii.
' oi If imt pi I 1 w fthtn tlu itrt thn-e mouth.
- tt.4i If not putt w illiln th lirtrt sit niuiUlis.
tt 50 If imt paid uiihl'i they -nr.
CvT So uliTrlMiiii t.ik-ti for l. thin nix tnnntlm,
ind nn p.ipcr iliscoiitimu-d until all arrearage nliallhau
O" t r l(u try A ntFaTtsr wits Inserted, and Job Work
f JjIPCUlQU, ill IIU CFiniHlttllUII IHICL-H.
TIIK LITTLE JiOY THAT DIED.
jJkilS t nt.i (.11 nl..nr In mv rh.IlliIxT lluW.
I Vn.l ikn ii.l luirplit luinr la ntar.
ffAml Ihcf ieR'lif raik ami thjrlok' dull tick
Arc the nnlv foiniilo I liar i
t Ami v ft my noul in IU tilitiiiiti
U..... t r...ll.lf. Of -...ll-l I U.lc.
f lr my li.'art an J my ')fn art-full when 1 tlniik
Of tilt: little boy thJlUK'U.
1 1 uctitnw niplit to my f.ttlict'tj lumhc
Wi-nl limine tn ilu drar om-n all -
lAii I uttily I opui.-d the (rarduii (.Mtf,
And criftly tin' Jnor of the linll.
My ninth 'reams onl to meet h-r smi-
Hi' kUeil me and th-n flu"
I And her li.'ad Ml on my m-ik, on 1 slia wept
lirtlu little t lint .Ii-m!.
Ft -l.all mint In -ti wli'ii th tl ini-rV mini,
In the p irdcn wh th h pl.ijed;
I hill mi"- hi ii mor.; hy th'- lir-i-i 1c,
U'li.n th; Hotter iir nil df(i
tl xh ill hi his tii and his I'lnpty t Imr,
An J th JiorM'- h- nn'-d M ride.
PA 1 1 1 th -y will cpatt with n ulent sp'-ecli,
of ilu Iitllo Hut ui J.
V -li til ff" lnv.it' to our r.itlifrV Imn-e
To unr rtlitrV lmm in Hi kl
Wlure th) li'ipu bf nur Jiila fh ill lino Hot blight,
(Mr J.i i- ii't ttruk n tun.
XV ' tdi ill mam on lhv Ii inks i.f lln rinr of pearr,
And lulh- in ilt Min-lni ti v ;
!A 1 1 one of th Ji of i'ir lito h.ill Us
Th tittle tiy lhatdi I.
Y .MI!S. F. II. G AfiK,
' 'JMIito, Lizzie, 1 i h you would put a
fuWj'i-tilc'lib into my coat J it's getl'mj; too
'It is so, Frank ; Imt really I tlilnlc you
liad iMur take it to tlio tailor."
vJVTakc it to the tailor ! 15y George !
ljut'that a a huge idea. ' Why , there's not
)ivo"'ij)inutj's work to be done, and the
tailor would ch;tr?c a dollar. "
ij, J OUjJJIU'U IIU (tutlllt , Mill i UUll L nVU
1 I. .. 1.1 . !... T
how.I can do it to dav. Walter ii f ret-
fuland you know he kept me awake all
"Ss? l':tl',J 'ml' I 't 'I003 c'l;,11 lo llie 'here
riajcr was so cross a young one."
!,',0, no, Frank, he's not cross ; he's
" ,'1Always t.ome excuse. Well, you niu't
juend my coat, anyhow.'
I ll try and find time."
" Try ! jVt let him Mpiall ; Vill do
liini''giiod .-treugthcu his lungs.''
?Tlrn. you know, it's ironing day."
i.'jWell, how many more excuses? Ill
putjit on, rips and all, if you are going to
make Mich a fuss."
O, no, Frank ; I did not mean to
mako a fuss ; but it's a long job, and one 1
am riot much ucd to ; and with my dinner
target, and baby, and ironing, I do not
fee, yet, bow 1 cau get it done. But I'll
do' my best.''
Such was llio conversation that pasted
between a young husband and wife of
eighteen months landing.
Frank Burton was what tlio world calls
a real driver. No made anything that
went through his bauds inure to his own
benefit. Everybody liked him because ho
was so frank, and withal, po honest and
upright in all his dealings wit'n his custo
mers. Ho was well educated for a busi
ness man j lived in society ; had made up
his mind that ho could support a wife, and,
according to his reckoning, savo something
to boot. Yes, to be sure he could. There
Wrosix dollars a week for board, one dol
lar a dozen for washing, and then quarters
and'dimcs innumerable for taking his lady
acquaintances to ride, to the theatre, to
icO'Creara saloons, balls, operas, etc.
" By Georgo i ho exclaimed, as bo east
up his yearly account, "that's huge. It's
enough to break a fellow. A thousand a
year I It won't do. I'll marry aud settle
, So bo applied to Liziio Forsyth, tho best
anditindost girl among bis acquaintances,
to.belp him along in his good resolves, and
was toon in possesion of that admirablo
burden, "to bo supported," a wife.
Lizzie was a good, tcusible girl", aud was
Boon jircd of boarding. A snug house was
Tented, and the work of euppoiting a wife
began in earnest. Tho five rooms cost two
hundred a year, and were prettily furnish
ed. Lizzie preferred to do her own work,
washing and all, and being expert with
her ucctllif, now and then found time to
make a dollar extra. Then, as it was a
little lonesome for Frank, ho brought home
several clerks, as day borders, at four dol
lars a week. Still, with all this, ho could
tell his acquaintances how much less it cost
biin to live. Now lie supported a wife, ho
never s-ccmud, for a moment, to realize
that she it was who saving till these expen
se!, and that, if he had not earned a dol
lar, her buy hands would have paid tho
rent, and kept him from starving.
So the matter stood, when he asked her
to mend Iih coat. Lizzie drew a deeptigh
after he was gone, and hurried her dishes
away as fast as possible.
The coat was of broadcloth, and was
his wedding garment; but it was well
nign neaiuig oiu, uioueu miner uie arms,
the cord and lining in rags, and sleeve
linings broke loose, buttons worn oil'; in
fine, there was nearly, if not quite a iteady
day's work. She sat down to tho coat
with a hearty good will, determined to do
her be.-t. Her needle Hew, but ciery mo
ment it had to bo lain down, to see to din
ner, or hush tho baby. Tho hours wore
away, and though she did all i-hc could,
the jub was quite unfinished at sundown. I
Walter ciicd intrs'-antly. lie looked i
pale and hii eyes were dim. She renieni
bred Frank's words, "let him squall," and '
did let him iry half mi hour or more. (J,
how it wcaiied her to hear her darling
cry for its mother. The tears swam in 1
her eyes, as she thought of her hard day's
work, and of tho want of appieciation of
her labors. She knew she was making
the ' old coat look almo-t as well as new."
lint he would never think of the toil she
put upon it. '-And what if ho don tV she 1
mentally ij icul.ited ; " 1 -hall in my own'
spirit know all I have done, aud that is
enough." Still she was longing with sick-1
ining hcai t, to hear liini now and then
speaic as it tier work was ot some avail.
''There is not more than live minutes
work, and tho tailor would charge mo a
dollar," kept ringing in her cars. j
But Lizzie was strong hearted, as well as
loving and dutiful. So she s-hook off her
dieontent, put on a Mniling face, took up
the baby, and sung her picttiest lullaby,'
carried him round, with his little head on'
her shoulder, while she filled thu kuttlo,
and set the table, now and then setting
him in his cradle, and thiipingto him, as
she did those things that lequfretl both of (
her hands. Thus she won led through the i
tiipper-getting. and with much managing
had all things ready by the time Frank
came in with his companions. I
" My coat done, Lizzie.'" J
" No, not quite." I
" Thats a woman for ye, boys. One '
half of them would let a husband go out at
the elbows a week, before they would tmu 1
asido from any plan of theirs. .All the
honing ! completed, I'll be bound. Ain't
it so, Lizzie i '
Liz.iu was taking her biscuit out of the
oven, and the men did not tee the deep
flush of pain that passed over her weary
' Will you bring me a pitcher of water,
plea-e V she said, pleasantly, not .'ccuiing
to have heard the question.
" There it is again ; when 1 was a bach,
I had nothing to do but hand my coat over
to a tailor, pay him a dollar and it was
done in a jiffy, and no grumbling. No
water to fetch when a fellow's tired, cith
er." Lizzie was tired, sad, and nervous; want
of sleep, aud the exhaustion incident to
nursing her beautiful boy, now so near
sick the hurrying to get time for the men
ding, not to speak of the disappointment
in putting aside her own plans, thus throw
ing her baking aud ironing into ono day,
for both niu-t bo done on tho morrow, or
the clotlias would mildew, and, tho board
ers do without bread all this was too
much, Lizzie could not endure his bad
inage, tbough half playful, for she knuw,
and knew well, that if some such thoughts
were not in his mind, they would isct have
found their way to his lips.
Slse hastily set tho biscuit upon tho ta
ble, aud saying, simply, "Supper ii ready,''
stepped into tho bedioom, and burst into
tears. You may call Iter a fool, if you
will. Ido not. You might as well ask
tho withered leaves not tc fall, when the
autumn winds sweeps through them ; as
well ask the (lowers not to suffer tho morn
ing dews fo' exhale in sunshinu, aa to' ask a
tender, loving, sensitivo wife to withhold
her tears, when sho knows the Is wronged,
She may forgive, sho may look cheerful
an hour after, bright as the rky when the
cloud has passed but sho must feci ; and
it is only when her beautiful nature is de
stroyed ; when, as is too often the eve,
tho very traits of character which won a
hutband's lovo in the beginning arc oblit
erated ; when love turns to hate, that she
em hear from him blight or cxactiou with
Lizzie's tears did not flow Ion" ; her
heart gained its natural relief, and after
pretending sho was getting Walter to sleep
(which she actually did) she bathed her
eyes aud came out, washed her dishes, and
sat down again to tho coat.
Frank sat watching her flying fingers for
an hour or two, as he lau-'hcd and talked
with his friends, thinking to himself that
every turn would be tho last. At nine
o'clock sho set the last stitch. Now fac
ings had been put in, and new pockets, the
holes under the arms ncatiy patched and
darned, new cuffs, new buttons, and now
linings all round. As she finished she
looked up, with .-till a shade of sadness
upon lrer brow.
" There, Frank, I have mended your
coat thoroughly. I guess it will last anoth
er year now."
' Quite a job, wasn't it? took longer
than 1 though,'' said ho depreciatingly.
" Now much clear cash have you made
to-day, Frank '" asked Lizzie, in an earn
" What do you want to know that for ?'
was his aii-wcr.
" For my own satisfaction. Certainly
I should feel an interest in all your af
fairs." " Well, I think the shop has cleared
" Now much do you count your services
' Not less than five dollars a day."
" How many hours do you labor?"
" Ten is the legal time now-a-days.
1 don't generally work that many. But
what arc all the.-c questions for?"
" Because, Frank, we are huband and
wife. We expect to livu the rct of our
lives together, aud if there is harmony in
our marriage relation, there must bo jus
tice and right. You call upon ine daily to
appreciate your labors, and remind me of
the comfort and support you arc giving
me, aud 1 feel that 1 appreciate any thing
you do. You have earned five dollars to
day, and the shop has cleared twenty.
Yet, to vave jou one dollar, I have worked
ten hours on your coat, aud six in getting
your breakfa-t, dinner and supper, and
making your home pleasant and comfort
able. To save you that dollar, I have had
to hurry all day, to put all my work out
ofj line, and to really neglect our darling
boy, who should bo our first care, and the
last thing that should, under any circum
stances, be set aside.''
" 1 had no idea, Liz.ic, it would be
such a job."
" 1 know you had not, Frank, so I shall
freely forgive you, but must in-i-t that
hereafter I inuit bo allowed to be my own
judge of what vork I had best do, and
shall not expect to be threatened, nor hear
myself accused of not being willing to do
Frank felt tho force of her words, and
,l One thing more, Frank, I want to
say, while I am about it. I dou t want
you to talk about supporting your wife.
1 will not bo supported, while 1 am ablo
to support myself. I find, on looking over
my books, that the profits of my labors
amount to five dollars a week, mid tho
board of yourself, myself, and the baby
beside. Then I do all your extra work
and my own. All this saving has gono
into your capital to be imeaked and to
make your twenty dollars a day;' out of
this comes tho five dollars you call tho
worth of your day's work, while I must
labor with really weary limbs, and athiiig
head and eyes, to savo a dollar, in tho
mending of an old coat, which, when done,
would not sell for the amount of your ten
" You are making out a pretty strong
case against ine, Lizzie."
" No, Frank, not against .you ; I could
not do that ; but I am stilting facts. Ono
thing more. I havo been at work three
hours sinco supper, while you havo been
entirely idle, not even rocking t)o eradle,
which I have been obliged to da several
" Lizzki, (ton's say another word, and
I'll never do so again," cried Frank,
springing from bis chair, tcjog tlio cradle,
where tho sweet boy was liestliug.
" You shall never mend another coat."
" Yes, but I will," answered lizzie,
advancing to tho cradle, "only don't tell
me ten hours' work cati be done in five
minutes, nor ask mo to let tho baby squall
She lifted Walter from tho cradle.
They stooped to kiss his fair, rosy check,
but inado a mistake and kissed each other,
while Frank whispered :
" God bless you, Lizzie, I never thought
of this before. 1 won't do it again."
Six years have gone by, and Frank has
kept his- work.
A GEIOIAN STOUY.
A countryman, on returning from the
city took home with him five as fine peach
es as one could possibly de.-iro to see. As
his children had never beheld tho fruit be
fore, they rejoiced over tlmu exceedingly,
calling them the fine apples with roy
checks and soft plum-like skin. The fath
er divided them among his four children,
and retained ono for their mother. In tho
evening, ore the children retired to their
chamber, the father questioned them by
"How did you like tho soft rosy ap
ples?" "Very much, hided, dcr father,' said
the eldest boy. "It is a beautiful fruit,
so acid and yet so nico und soft to the tasti!
I have carefully preserved the stone that
I may cultivate a tree. '
"Bight and bravely done," said tho fa
ther. "That speaks well for regarding tho fu
ture with care, and isbocoming iu ayouug
"I have eaten mine, and throwfj tfje
stone away," said the youugc-t; "besides
which, mother gave mo half of hers Oh!
it tasted so sweet and so melting in my
"Indeed," answered tho father, "thou
ha-t not been prudent. However, it was
very natural and childlike, and di-play
wisdom enough for your years."
"I hive picked up the stone," said the
iccotid son, "which my biotlier threw a
way, cracked it, aud eaten the kernel it
was sweet as a nut to my U:U ; but my
peach I have sold for so much money that
when I go to the city 1 can buy twelve of
The parent shook his head reproachful
"Bjware, my boy, of avaiice ; prudeneu
is all very well but such conduct as yours
is unchildlike and unnatural. Heaven
guard thee, my child fiom the fat of a
"And you, Edmund V asked the father
turning to his third son, who frankly re
"I have given my poach to the son of
our neighbor the sick Georgo who has
the fever. Ho would not take it, so I left
it on tho bed, and havo just come away."
"Now," said the father who has done
the best with his peach?
'Brother Edmund !" the three exclaim
Ediimud was still silcut. and the mother
kissed him with tears of joy in her eyes.
NAT U UAL HISTOltY-TIIE FL1HT.
Thii biilliant iu-ct of the butterfly spe
cies is common to all latitude-', but flour-i-dies
best in a warm climate. It revels in
the atuio.-phere of the ball room, matinee,
the iirtUtic re union; aud while it loves
imblieitv.it is not loth to lark in shaded
alcoves or to nestle among cushions iu qui
The plumage of the female flirt is very
; dazzling. It is cUd iu the most radient
smiles and compliments of the softest and
most delicate shades, while its eyes have a
strange, deep aud penetrating lustre.
It diffuses a faint yet thrilling perfume,
caught from cru-hed flowers, scent-bags,
billctdoux its music is a low, persuasive
bum. It can be true to no tune, but sing
snatches, mid at tho piano, run ovor tho
keys with a light and tremulous touch.
The violation of this iu-ect has long per
plexed naturalist. It bailies pursuit.
Strange to say,it dissolves to the touch and
when caught it is a handful of ashes, cold
The sting of the flirt rs very severe.
j Some say it is poisonous. Instances have
I been known where it has proved to hap
( pincss and hope. It is inflicted with per-
feet impartiality, but seems to striko deep
i est into1 the fresh und honest hcaits,
1 Tho flirt languishes at the first chill
breath of sorrow. When storm is in tlio
air it is pitiful to see it seek for shelter, its
gay plumage beaten aud soiled, and the
colored and perfume gone, and tho low,
inviting music chauged to a dispairing
' Tho flame that flutters arouud goucrally
I burns it af-last as in (he case with many a
poor moth' Vanitv Fair
THE ANGEL OF TIME.
'i , ,
The angel of time, being conumssioncd
by the Supreme Governor of tho world,
niado proclamation that ho had a hundred
thousand years of additional life to bestow
on tho inhabitants of tho earth. His
trninpcj echoed far and wide, pcnctratnig
tho cities, tho valleys, tho mountains, and
tho uttermost extremes of tho universe.
Tho people flocked eargerly from all points
of the compass, to prefer their claims to a
portion of the bencficicnt gift; but it was
surprising to sco that the crowd consisted
of tho aged alone. The children were at-
, tending to their youthful sports, and paid
j no uttcntiou to tho proclamation; tho
youths and maidens were wandering in tho
labyrinths of love ; and the men and wo
men of a middle ago were too much cu-
i gaged in the pursuits of lifo to think of
I The fir-t who preferred his petition for
' a few additional years was an old man of
'fourscore and upward, bent almost double
' with ago.
"Thou doubtless wishest to livo a little
longer for tho sake of thy ehildren,a!ul tl.e
j companions uf thy youth !'' said tho an
"Alas!" ciicd the old man, "they are
"Thou art in possession of wealth and
"Alas, no! I have lost my good name,
I and am muerably poor. Yet I wi-b to
live until I am a hundred years, and ho
then went on his way trembling and re
joicing. The next iipplnai-tfor lengthened years
was a feeble old man who was carried iu
a litter. When be preferred his request
tho angel replied :
"I understand. Thou ait enamored of
tho charms of women, of tho beauties of
the earth, tho waters, and the skies, and
thou wMiost to behold them yet a few years
I "I am blind theso ten years," snswerd
! tho old man.
j "Thou art delighted witlr the nur-Io of
the birds tho murmuring of the waters,
tho echoes of the mountains, and all tho
harmonies of tfo universe, aud wishest to
hear them a little longer?''
"I am deaf,and scarcely hear die sound
of thy trumpet."
"Thou ait fond of the delicacies of
"Alas ! my feeble health will not permit
such indulgeneies. I have lived on milk,
and cru'ts of broa 1 these seven years, past
and more. I am a miserable, sickly, old
"And still thou wishest to lengthen out
thy miseries. What pleasure dost thou en
joy in this life ?"
"The pleasuro of living," said the old
man ; and the angel granted a few years
Tho third who approached the footstool
of the angel, was a decrepit female, almo-t
bent double, and trembling with palscy. I
Her teeth were gone her eyes bmied deep
iu their dark blue sockets her check hoi-
low and fleshless and she could hardly
prefer her request, for an incessant couhg
that drowned her voice aud almo-t choked I
"I am come," said she, "to beg a score
of years, that I may enjoy the pleasure of
seem;.' tlio cypress trees i have iilantcil
over the graves of my husband, children,'
grandchildren, aud the rest of my dear rel
atives, spring up and flourish before I die.
1 am bereft of all that were near and dear
to wo ; 1 stand ulono in tho world, with
uo one to speak for me ; 1 beieceh thee to
to grant my request."
''Though I grant tho lengthened days,
I cannot remove thy infirmities and suffci-
ings. JUiey will nicrcase upon thee, said
I care not, thice, I know they cannot
kill ine before my time."
"Take thy wish," said tho angel, smil
ing, "go aud bo happy."
'Strango I" cried a learned man who
had coine to petition for a few years to
complete an explanation of lbs apocalypse
and had witnessed the scene, "Strange,"
cried ho, curling his lip iu scorn, "that
the most helpless und miserable of human
beings should still covet a life, divested of
all its enjoyments !"
"Silenco, fool 1" replied the angel, in a
voice of ineffable contempt ; "it rather be
comes tlico, ignorant mortal, to adoro the
goodness of l'rovidence, which haviug or
dained that man should live to be cld,mcr
cifully dc4recd! at tho same time, that tho
lovo of lifo should supply the absence of
all its sources of enjoyment. Go! tako
thy wish, aiid Qui h thy commentary on
DEATH OF LADY BYHON.
Wo learn by tho Glrtsgow that on tho
17th ultimo, Lady Byron, tho widow of
the great poet, died at London, in tho sixty-sixth'
year of her ago. She was born
in 1704, ami was tho only daughter and
heir of Sir llalph Jlilbauko Noel, Baronet
In 1H50 she succeeded to the baroncy of
Weutworth. Sho was married to Lord
Byron in 1815, the union proving, as is
well known, most unhappy to both husband
and wife, ami he lived with his wife only
some thirteen days. Their only child
"Ailt, sole ilauRlitur of my house unit luarl"
was married to Earl Lovelace, and died
eight years ago.
The mariiago of Byron with MKi Jlil-
baukc, was one prompted by motives of in
Lord Byron, in one of his letters, gives
the following description of Lady Byron,
during tilts time ef their engagement :
"What an odd situation and friendship is
ours ! lthout one spaik of lovo on either
sida, aud produced by circumstances which
in general, lead to coldness on one side,
and aversion on the other, She is a very
supeiior woman, and very little spoiled,
which is strange iu an heiress a girl of
twenty a peeress tri'at is to bo iu her own
right an only child, aud asavanlcc who
has always had her owu way. She is a
poetess, a mathematician, aud,withal, very
kind, generous and gentle, aud with very
Even at his wedding, the thoughts of
his first love of Mary Chaworth of An
nesly Hall, whom he so poctieall termed
his "Bright Morning Star of Aimcsly,"
was present to his imagination. Anncsly
I lull and all its fond associations Uoated
like a vision before his thoughts, even
when at the altar, aud ou tho poiut of pro
nouncing his nuptial vows. A marriage
contracted uuder such circumstances could
not but be unhappy. Tho poet has allu
ded to it in some of his most -impassioned
trains oi regret, n asuington Irving says
that in ono of his manusciipts, written
long after his marriage, having accidental
ly mentioned Miss Chaworth as my "M.
A. C." "alas I'' exclaims he, with a sudden
burst of feeling, "why do' I say my 1
Our union would havo healed feuds, in
which blood had been shed by our fath
ers ; it would havo joined lauds broad aud
rich; it would have joined at least one
heart, and two persons not llliuatchcd in
years, and and and. what has been
It is unfortunate for the late Lady By
ron that only by her union with Byron
and its unhappy results, is she known to
tho world at large. Her private life has
been ruthlessly iuvaded, and all her do
mcstie troubles exposed to the gaze of the
world. It should bo remembered that By
rou treated her in- a manner calculated to
alienate the affections of any woman, and
that it was tho public odiunr following his
treatment of her, which induced him to
leave England and livo iu Itally.
Lady Byron took an activu interest in
philanthropic and benevolent movements,
and in 1 tfiifi sho scut a gift of three hun
dred and fifty dollars to tho New England
Kansas Emigration Society. We cau
scarcely recall a lady of the present con
tury who'c namo has been so often brought
befor.' the public, and in such a singular
way, by her relations with others, rather
than by any desire or effort ou her part to
f3yA good anecdote is told of a man
named Bently, a confirmed druukard,
who would never drink with afiicndoriuj
Dublin, and alwavs bit'erlv denied, w-bnn n I
little too steep, ever tasting liquor. One
day some bad witues-ess concealed them
selves iu his room, aud wkcu tho liquor
was ruuuir.g down his throat, seized him
with his arm crooked aud his mouth open,
and holding him fast, asked him with an
air of triumph:
" Ah, Bently, wc have caught you at
last? You ncer drink, ha?"
No ono would suppose but that Bently
would havo acknowledged the corn ; not
he : with tho most gravo and inexpressible
face, ho calmly, and in a dignified mannor,
said : " Gentlemen, my name is not
Tim DirrmiEMii;. Man is 6troug
woman is beautiful. Mau is daring and
confident woman is diffident and unassu
ming. Man is great in action womau iu
suffering. Man shines abroad woman at
homo. Man talks to convince woman
persuades aud please. Man has a rugged
heart woman a soft and tender one
Mau presents misery woman relieves it
Man has bcicnco woman taste. Man has
judgement woman sensibility Man is a
J being of justice woman of mercy
iSr A I'AnAortAni Matrimoniai,,
Choosing a wifo is a perilous piece of bu
siness. Do you tupposo hero is nothing
of it but evening" visits, boquets and pop
ping the rucstiou! My dear, simple
young man, you ought not to bo trusted
by yourself alono I Tako care (hat von
don't get tho gilt China article, that looks
cxcecumgiy pretty on tno mantte-piceo un
til the t'ilt and ornament aro all rubbed
off, then is lit only for tho dust pile 1 A
wifo should bo selected ou the same prin
ciple as a caiico cown. Bricht colors and
gay patterns aro not always the best econ
omy, uct something that will wash and
wear. Nothing like the suns and shnwnrs
of matrimony to bleach out theso deceptive
externals i uoa t choose the treasure by
gas-light, or iu palor sitting. Broad' day
light is the best time a kitchen tho most
sensible place. Bear iu mind, sir, that
the article onco bargained for, you can't
exchange it it don't suit. If you buy a
watch and it den t run as vou exnectrd.
t - i 1
you can send it to a Jeweler to bo repaired
iu the caso of a wife, once paired you
cant re pair. Sho may run iu the wrong
direction very well,' sir,; all that is left
for you is to run' after her, and an interes
ting chase you will probably find' itl If
you get a good wife you will be tho hap-.
pies lellow allivo , it you got a bad ono
you may as well sell yourself for two and
sixpense at once I Just as well to consid
er all these things before hand, young
Plavincj Cards for a' Wwt.lt
Constable in Williamsport, Indiana, whilo
paying a visit to a young lady a few miles
away, proposed a game of cuchro as tho
evening's entertainment, which was ac
cepted by tho young lady. When tho
cards were dealt tho young laidy proposed
a 'flyer' oi' fifty dollar's, to which tho con
stable demurred. The young lady pro
tested that sho would never play with a
gentleman unless there was some stake up, ,
but tho gcut still demurred, when, as a '
compromise, the lady proposed that they
would play, and if bho beat him he should'
marry her, which the gallant constablo
couldn't do otherwise than accept. At it
they went, and tho lady proved' the win
ner. The constable was invited to stay
all night, and iu the morning they would
proceed to tho squire s and be made ono
flesh. Ho plead pressing business and
went away. Sho followed him to his fa
thor's aud ttayed there three days without
seeing the young man, when a'comproiniuo
was effected by paying tho disconsolate
lady two hundred aud fifty dollars to fill'
up tho breach.
The Fuexchman's Duec A French
man was to fight a duel with an Ameri
can; tho conditions wcro that one shot
should bo exchanged, and that the pre
cedence should go by lot. The French
man got the first chance, but failed to hit
his adversary. As the Yankee lifted up
his weapon the ether called out :
" Hold, I will buy your shot ?"
All were astonished at this, but his op
poueiit answered :
" How much will you give ?"
" Five hundred pounds."
" Nonsense!'' cried tho Yankee, taking
aim at him ; " I am a good marksman ,
you set too low a value upon yourself."
" You estimate me at too high a price,'
said tho Frenchman, " but I will give a
thousand pounds !"
" Agreed !' cried the Yankee, aud the
duel was at an cud.
A Cuniors Uetoht. Hon. Alexander
II. Stephens, of Georgia, was onco run
ning for Congress, with an opponent of
unusually large statute, and ou tho btunip
one day tho discussion becamo unusually
warm, Whereupon tho large man said to
oicpucus, vuo was email aud delicate :
"Why, 1 could button your cars back,
and swallow you whole."
And if yon did, vou would
brains in your btomach than vou over bad
in your head."
The laughter which follnwnd
ly dissipated the ill-humor was fast gain-
Faith," said an Irishman, who
could not get iuto his cabin at Ballingary
his wifo having turned tho key upon him,
" faith its mcsclf that's regularly locked
" In," said his companion, "in whero ?
" Why iu the street."
1 3' Mau is liko a snow ball: Leave
him lying in idleness agaiust the bunny
face of prosperity, aud all that's good in
him melts like butter, but kick him arouud
und he gathers strength with each rovolu
tion, until he growe into an avalanche