tlfllrMT fen
I have sworn upon the Alter of CJod, eternal hostility to every form of Tyranny over the Mlud of Mn. Thomas JeiioriKm
II. WEBB, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
XI.
OFl'ICK OF THE DEMOCRAT.
orpociiiK Sr. Paul's Church, Main-si
TE?sl3 :
The COf.UMiU DEMOCEJITwill be
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Fiftu Cents, if not paid within the year
S'o subscription will be taken for a shorter
period than six months; nor any discon
tinuance permitted,until all arrearages
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A DVERTl SEMENS not exceeding a
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THE G A 11 LAN 1)
With twcctcut flowerg enrich'd,
From variuuH zartLrw eull'd with cart."
From blaekwood's Magazine.
The Last Journey.
Slowly) with measured tread,
Onward we bear the dead
To his long home.
Short grows the homeward road
On with your mortal load,
Oh. Grave! we como
Yet, ycl ah! hasten not
Pass each remembered spot
Where he hath been,
Where late he walked in glee,
There from henceforth lo be
Never more seen.
Yet, yet ah! slowly move
Uear not the form we love
Cast fiom our light
Let the air breah on him,
And the sun beam on him
Last looks of light.
Rest ye set down the bier.
Once he loved dwelleth here.
Let the dead lie
A moment that door beside.
Wont to fly open wide
lire ho drew nigh.
Hearken! he speaketh yet
Oh. friend! wilt thou foigel
(Friend! more lhau brutiier J
How band in hand we've gone,
Heart with heart linked in one
All to each other'
Oh, friend! I go from thee.
Where the worn feasteth free,
Darkly to dwell;
Giv'sl thou no parting kiss?
Friend.' id it mine to this?
Oh, friend, farewell!'
Yet, yet ah! slowly move,
Bear not the form wc love
East from our sight
Let the ail breathe on him
And thi sun beam on htm
I, ait looks of light.
Here dwells his mortal foe,
Lay the daparied low,
Liven at his gate
W ill the dead spark again?
Ull'ring proud boasts and 'ain,
Last words of halt?
Lo! the cold lips unclose
List! list what 6ouuds are those,
Plainlivra:)tl low?
'Oh thou, mine ci.eray!
Come forth and look on me
Ere hence I go.
Now his labor's done'
Now; now the goal is won?
Oh, Grave, we tome,
Se.il up the precious dust
Lin J of the good and just,
Take the soul home!
in Ji". J1
We will have a long eptll of
in a lew da i;
wtaihci,
VOInmc
HLOOMSIiUltC, COLUMIIIA COtlVTV, 1A. SATURDAY, AWKiMUKIt, I. S5.
' i j i . ' i. . j in TT 1 1 ! i
From tlio New York Sjii it ofllio Times
Practical Jokers in tliu Army.
BY N. C. M. J.
Ned C. was a young an! merry Bub
ol toe imantry, and what is termed in
the Army 'a clever fellow,' It is trne ihm
Ned was somewhat given lo 'keeping hit
spirits up by pouring spirits down, 'especial
ly when stationed at an out-post; hut In
never would have been called an intemper
ate rran.
At the time of my stoiy, the delachmen
of the Army to which Ned belonged oc
enpied a post on the South-Western fron
tier,and might be said lo be in close quarter
a the officers aud men, from the crowded
state of the garrison, were reduced lo less
than half the allowance of eating ai.d sleep
ing room authorized by renditions. To
his arrangement was Ned indebted for the
locieiv of tho Doctor ol the post, wlo
ired with him the comforts Si convei.
crves of an aj ai tin cuts twelve feet squi.re.
I'he Doctor, actuated by feeling of le
gaid for Ned's well being, (il may hav
been wiih an eye to bis own quiet and re
pose) was in the habit of administering to
iiim, occasionally, a dose of good advice.
and remonstrating with him on the impio
prieiy of staying out late at night, getting.
light, and coming home, disturbing peo-
le after they had gone to bed;'all of whur
Ned took very patiently, but without mend
is ways. The Doctor; finding that i
was utterly useless to appeal u Ned's sensi
of propriety, with tho hope urcotmiig .
nunge in his mode of hie, began lo ad
dress himself to his fears.
Ned,' said he, if you don't stop llm
frolicking, and drinking, aud spreeing, yoi
II get the dropsy 1 know you will and
you il die in spite ol the u I ! 1 tell yoi.
once for all lo slop it, foi if you get tin
iopsy on jour cheat, you are a gone suck
i! all the medicine in my chest won't savi
ou! No, sir, burnt brandy won't savi
you!
i' he Doctor chid in vain in tain did In
outinue to cnu.iierale ihu various cases o
;ird drinking terminating in dropsy iha
iiad come under his observation since lit
had been a member ol the Medical Stuff
Ned was incorrigible.
As the lectures on temperance, and ll.i
lernble picture of disease and death, frou
udulgenoe in strong drink up to his view
were of no avail in exciting hi tears, tin
Doctor was about to despair of eU'ecting i
reform, when il was brought about, for
time, in the following manner.
As usual, late one night, Ned came horn
very glorious, singing atihi tup of his voice
& winding up each verse of his song will'
a whoop, loud enough lo 'wake up hall
reatiou.' After making several lurches
toward the door, he succeeded in entering
ind in (he vain attempt of disencumbering
lii nself of coal and boots, at the same mo
ncni ouilo a pitch forward, and lighted
with his head against the short ribs of hi
leeping room-mate. The Doctor's bowel
f compassion were sadly disturbed, how
ever, after venting on the head of tin falloi
ini'inl a few hearty curses. he kindly assist
ed him in divesting himself of hu clothes;
ind saw linn deremly laid out on his mat
irass
Next morning; as soon a it was light
the Doctor possessed himee!! of (he sleep
i's pantaloons and drawers, and, with the
issiatance of the hospital matron, had ilirm
neatly taken in about four iucnea in ihr
waist, then quietly replaced ilieu., and
tumbled into bed lo wait the result'. Hail
an hour before, (his accustnmed lime for.
rising.) .Ned slid out ol bcd,couled his cop
pets by a long pull at the water jug, tuid
then (ouimeneed the operation of making
ins toilet. The Doctor, who wag lying
with one eye open and i wad of bedcloiht s
siulfed in his mouth by way of smother,
mg a desire lo laugh walchtd closely the
Iressing process going on before hi in.
' I'i very slut ge,' txc'aiuud Ned; I
wor.dtr wl.al Lis gi.i inlu these d d duw
tre- they were large ti.ongh ytt r il a y , lih
liow 1 taa'l make thtrn intet.' "lis ho
ii '' "Wiiiiim liiiY 'i ifiiitiiliT '
in trying I'll hitch them up to my paiiisj
men inon diew on Ms palaloons, anuiorwird, and introducing a hiccup now and
drained himself to the utmost to make them
neel ocr his bread basket, but it was no
tlt fa, wjln evcry ffl',irt he only increased
the size of the bunch of shirt that stuck
out 'a feet between the buttons and button
holes of the waistband. After exhausiinf
himself in vain attempts to close the open
iug in his r.eiher garments, he approached
he Doctor, who appeared lo be asleep and
after arousing hnu, if he could tell what
had occasioned the sudden disproportion
between his unmentionables and that pari
of his person which now refused lo be en
closed in them.
'Why, yes!' said the Doctor; rising and
scrutinizing Ned closely 'n is just as pit in
as the nose on your face you .hive been
drinking and swilling, at such a rale lately
that just what 1 predicted has come true
you have goi ihe drops) '
Greal God! you don') tell me so!' ejacu
aleii the poor Lieutenant, as he clasped
Ins handa together and full back in an arm
cnair. -jiu mat l Had listened lo vour
..I. . ' .ill l .i .1 i . i
idvice.iny tleai fellow ! Can', you do somi
thing lo save me?'
'I II irj: was ihe reply; 'but you must
jo lo bed. keep on low dm, avoid al sum
ulating drinks, ai d lake such medicines as
I may prescribe'
Thank you, Doctor, I will do anything
in the woild to gel rid of ihis honible dis
esse.'aaid Ned, 'and if you will only cure
me, I'll promise-to stop ilnnking aliogethei
Doctor, do you think I shall have to be
lapped?'
'Il is imponsible to say, Ned. but,' added
the DimMoi" 'an inn . '
good constitution, I think we may avoid
dial operation, provided you keep still and
iin your bacU!
Ned fellowed ihe Doctor,! advice strictly ,
took simples, dieted, and kepi on his buck,
whilst the Doctor & Ned's brother ollicers
to whom ihe joke h id been imparted, were
njo) ing ihemse.ves at his expense. Ever)
lay he would leceive half a dozen visits oi
indolence from the subs, of the garrison-
each of whom would expiess his sur
prise at ihe enlarged statu o N''d's corpur
isity. At lh end of a week, the Diictm
iain abstracted Ned's breeihes & drawer
had litem restored lo their proportions.
placed by llm bedside of his iinsiispecing
).il.eni; and then (old him toriss and dres
iiruself. So indeed he did and Ned sooi
ound, lo his infinite joy, thai his clothe
-vcre almost as much loo laige for him now.
i they were before loo small all symp
1'iins of ilropiy having disuppeaied thank
to the kind attei.t ou of the Doctor; which
woe liberally beslowed on him by Ned.
Doctor bound all ihe ullicers to secrey,snd
Ned's dropsy became the standing joke ol
i, io garrison
Time passed on, and by accident or da
"in, Ned made the acquaintance of the f.iii
('l would not say frail) one, whom (he Doc
tor employed as semstrcus the very per
son he had engaged to sew up the Lieuien
nit's inexpressibles as a mailer of course.
iik h.id not advanced far into her affections
'iclurs she threw out hints that awakened
Ned's suspicions, and with a little manage
.neni, he soon possessed himself of all iIikI
particulars of the trick that had bceu played
on him.
No longer having the fear of death fion
diopsy beloie his syes, Ned relapsed inn
his old hab Is, 'just as ensv as (ailing off a
li)!,' and ihe Doctor's nightly persecution
agaiu commenced. The temperance lec-
mres were renewed, & (he lite hair-hreadth
escape was held up before hiin'ilcrrorcm
toil lo no purpose. Ned's constant rcn
to all the udmoniiions of tho Doctor was
a short and a merry one!' At unit's, how
flver, Ned would appear meluneholy aud
dejected, and would say to the Doctor, thai
he w as tired of his existence, and that Ik
must not be surprised if he put an end to
himself.
About II o'clock one night, afier ih
Docw had retired to rest, ii. was snoozing
away very comfortably, pio'.rcted from as
..jdlii of in o qui toes ly a well lucked pat il
it'll, I. e was suddenly aroused from hissiuir-.
hir hv liui iilroi.r e ol Ntd.uhu was very
nt'iuuth dguised by liquor
1 i T iT' i 'T'T' T (1 '
'Doctor,' said he (reeling backwards and
nun uo.wcen ins worusj 'wocior, gei up!
I wan to talk loyou 'bout something that
!.... L. . . - L' I ,
concerns life & death I want vour odvne
my doar fellow. I am about to tommit a
deed-a fterful d,d- hrnd ,l,.d.'
up, won'i youf
'Clear out imd go to bed, and stop your
I d noise,' growled the Doctor as he lorn
ed over in bed.
Well, ii is the last favor I have lo ask ol
you Doctor, and 1 ask it for the last time
I am tired of ibis life, and if you don'i get
up I'll blow my d d brains oul: (and
hem ihew and cocked a pistol.) Will
you gel upjand hear what 1 have to say oi
not?'
No, and 6e d d lo you,' shouted ih
Doctor.
Then here goes,' and as he said il bang
went the pistol; and poor Ned was stretch
ed on the floor weltering in blood.
'Ureal God. cried the Doctor, as he leap
Irom Ihe bed, cairjing wild him the mus
quiio bar through which he had., boiled his
headj 'what have you dom ?' ih'Mi "easting
a glance in ihe comer of ihe room, he saw
by the flickering of light in an expiring
audit, ihe muiil.uvd remains of the uii
fortunate young man As he rushed m agnov
f:oin the room he encountered several ol
the officers, who hearing the report of tin
pis:ol were proceeding lo the spot to learn
the cause of Ibis unusual disturbance. To
their enquiries ihe Doctor out) replied bv
exclaiming '0! he begged me lo get up
lift said he would kill himself if dld'nigm
up, arid he has done ii! I nij.rin h;r t-
v.i, i never, iicver shall lor
give mysell! Such were the lametitaiione
utteied by the Doctor, as he paced back
ward and forward before the door, whet he
was aceos ed by Ihe commanding officer,
who demanded the cau-e of the a'arm.
'lie has jii.il shot himself, and I mighi
have prevented il, Sir, but 1 wouldn't get
up when he beggee me lo do so 01 ! i
ihall alwai s have his death U.ioti mv cuni
i w
u-iencc '
Hut speak, Sir. who hag shot hiuiHclP
iskcd ihe commandant, seizing the Iraniii
Doctor by ihe rnmneni of the (iiusquiio-bai
which gi:ll streamed Irom his nerk.
Lieul. (J, fctii he has jum blown hit
train out!
'And have you exttnined ihe wound?
lemanded tho commandant.
'No, Sir, no I shall never be able tn
ook upon him again,'
Calm yourself. Doctor, and go immedi
ilcly, and ascertain'lhe exlunl ol the injury'
said the commandant, sieinly.'
The Doctor yielding to the lone ol
luthority wiih which llm last words were
poken, slowly returned to (he room where
the irag'cal iceue had just been enacted.
and approaching Ihe gory remains of the
poor Lieutenant, placed his hand profess
tiinaily on liie pulse. At the same lime
the corpse rising ou one elbow, and bring
ng the lip of his thumb in contact with I bl
end of the nose, and, waving his open haud.
you'll sew up my bteuches again, Old Pill
ISox, will you?' The shout ol laughter
hat followed showed that inoM 1 1 the per
-tons present were in the aeciei, and douhi
less had Bided Ned, with the help of liul
lock's blood, to represent the mangled rorpst
I'hc caiiiniaiidanl with diffit u'ty restrained
his laughter, but for the sake of disciplim
oluiiuistered a sevete reproof of ihe part)
aud forbade fur ihe future the perpetration
of practical jokes in gainson. The Doetoi
lidu'l see that theie was anything lo laugl
it, and said tnero was no tun in causing
him to ruin a fine musquito bar which had
osi him five dollars, with their internal
oonsense.
M.zbethd should say you were w.tf ,,i!
a liart,by the way you ireal the Miss
Urowtis.
'Ican'lhelp that moih'r. Hill Jones
stole my licul more tlian six inonihs ago,
and 1 mean he shall keep it loo.
. .
Shall I .have ihe o eastiiti (.f wa' i
' , d 711
wttnyou.maoamt sa.u a gentl, man lo a
u"',,l,f "- ...uj. maiiK you, sir;
i nave hugging enoujjii ai home.
i'ii if "i V.: "FTC. iC.
A FEW SEASON A ULE Hl I'S.
Cattle Yards unit Cult In. l ,ul in
.. . ....
io your came yards luH supply ol road
"t'rapiiijM, martd. mn I, t, mould md
,e:,ves fro n the won la, and wh'eve.
othar l'er,!(,,ahlt suImuocm you can ool
1 . I - i I .
K 3""ail ".e wno.e oer mum. tak
inn care to h iva ihu outer eti hi h
than ihccen'ro. As soon ss voiirpasiore-
may u -come nc-m' , confine vour caiiit
in your yards of a nigh', taking cre li
feed Idem with some gooj Micculen
pi ovender.
To prevent loss from evaporvion, Iru
surface of cattle vardi should be at inter
valsof a lew weeks, strewed over wild
jjlasioi or pulverised charcoal. Il should
ie a main obi ci with wry farmer t
Dave comfortable sheds or stables provi
led lor It 1 1 calllc, as by being kepi dn
ind Winn during the inclement wealli
er ol winier, nMch less food wiij an
ver.
Orchard Ai soon as your apple
are gathered piepaie ihe followinj; mix
uie and ive your irees a painiing
lake in Ihe propunion of '4 allom !
ofl soap, 1 lb. of 11 nir of sulphur and I
:b. of Scotch snuH, mix Ihe whole loneih
er, and apply il to lite body and roots o
Irees above ground. This will not only
iesroy ma ets insects out prevent in
jury from mice and tabbns.
Iransplunting Ocluirds. Sj soon
is the leaves fall will he Ihe lima 10 plain
ut your orchard. In the selection ol
kinds he careful lo get the bet varielc-.
o buy from some well established re-
ponsib e nursery man in whoe hones
ly you ran conli le Gnuods in lenrjeil
lor oiehardf should il possible, be p'oun'i-
ed twice, Ihe second ploughing lo be ac-
companje.d bybfrSffouils hml Uxen-
s Ihe pasluies no looker atloid a 1'ul-
bile, let those valuable creatures houied
well fid, cared lor. Animals lhat work;
tiould always receive generous treat
men'.
Ditching and Draining. The lirm
avorable lor these operations, and al
tho have lards which are loo wet ordi
tarily f -r healthful culture should go lo
vol k au I have ihi in forthwith ditched
ind drained. H eo doing, the li xlnn
ol'sticii soils will bo changed, and their
Hodiiivinii inor-'a a I lrorn 3'J to .10
ei cent. , according lo the degree of
heir pi t bent oIih sh.
Sheep. If you h ive not already pro
vided yourself with good covered folds
lor your sheep, do so al once.
Sheep which are kepi dry ami warm
will subsist upon one third less proven-
er and yield better fleoesihao if suffer
ed to endure Ihe winters frosts ami
snows unprotected.
lhickwhcut Harvest your buck-
whtai an soon ns dry, thresh out i(
rain, and carefull jitit away Ihe straw
tiding a peck of salt lo eacn Ion; il will
mako excellent provender.
Out houses of nil leuiut. Let ihese
if cleaned and white-washed,
Fall idoutihing. Still clays are al-
w a) 8 the better ol fall ploughing, pro
vidud the ground is nut wet when plough
ed.
Corn Stalls. Save h se for iov n
lei for your cattle ifeui into short pie
ce8s nd sleLniei', they are us good b
clover hay for cat t'e.
Hoots of all kinds. Oaiher and put
AWiy these before frost has a chance ol
I'juring them,
Fences Gales and Earn. Submit
Ihese lo close examination and thoiougl
repairs.
American Farmer.
CONCLUSIVE A K (i U M F. N T.
Soon after the L'orpernican Syaiem l
sironomy benari lo bo generally unnVi
-tood, an old I'oniiei licul farmer went u
I, is pardon with llm following inquiry.'
Doctor T., tlo you believe in this new
Morv of ihe earth movihg round the sun!'
Yes, reiiuinly ' 'Do vou think it is ac
cordinu to sciipture? If it's true, If w
could Joshua hve roinmanded ite sun to
standstill!' Uinjdi!' quoth tha doctor, no
whit poz'.ed, 'Jii6hna roinmanded ll: sun
1 fl .1.11 1 lie-. IC". 'n,
I li .1..I ,... V ' I U u I
(( no,,. .Ye(.. -Very well
ow () vou ever hear that ho set it a go
ing again.''
A 'HAKMUMOUS JURY.'
A piry, which had been lorketl up a1
the Globe Hotel. Philadelphia, from
.-..IllllUay IU I'lOtlUdy urii'iL uii. .v i
u . , . . ,
Khaimomze their opinions, comn enced
c I .. i. M...U.. 1,..,.,.. .,.,.U i,,
s inft ecS) whic wera rema.kablc
or iho compais and tueiy oi the dto
u?
!48
lilJO.W CONUNDRUMS.
Well, Mr, Siow, 1 wains lo a you one
question.'
'Propel it, den.'
'VV'iy am a grcg simp like a counterfeit
dull,,!'
Wei!, Ginger. I gibs dat right up.'
Does you gib it u.' kase you cau'l piss
ii.'
'Yahl yah! nlgja, yon talk so much
'houl your counteifeil dollars. j:st succeed
lo deform me why a counterfeit dollar in
like an apple pie?'
Oh! 1 diops de sujetl ami doesn't knotv
nothiti' 'bout it.'
'Kase it jsu'i turrcn,'
Ohl de lord, what a nigger? Why am
your head liki a bag ob dollars;'
lio 'way from me why am it?'
'Kase dere's no sense (eenls in it '
Uingeil I say Why am de Man-duii
House Jal greal Hotel obar de iva)--liku
me Vig lumbi r yard?'
'Why ame de Mansion House like a
nig lumber yard? Ol course, me gibs da(
up.
Wal, Oinger because dere's a great
many boaids den'
IJOOD-FULST JUTE
An incident occuired on boaid s sleam
boat some lime ago. illustrative of the ridn r
"lo,,s I,ri')o "ntl "hTeuiorj of the would b
fashionable, and Ihe excrglistmgly polite
of ihu world, At supper, a lady sat do n
to the table with something of the Hon r i -
and loss oCl'ieJivuA,..rfvdvnieiiiii Olail o.i
lojrd. An hor.ssi iueer looking, but ge t
leel young .'nan, seated himself opposti. .
and uol being in the mood of wailing lone
helped himself lo a piece of bread, and w in
his own knife also look a piece of butter u
keep it company, The lady (1) imuiediaie
ly bridled up,& showed by her manner lli.it
-mineihing xnusual had occurred;
vVaitah said she, 'waiish, take away
dial buituh that lude man has had h:s
knife in id'
She ws obeyed, and the butler vanil
'd lo her greal relief. The poor fi llon
Mushed lo his shirt collar iik! fell mlliriri,.
embarrassed. ISeforo the supper was ovi i
his politeness ai dlaudablo desire to retrii tu
Ins eiror, prompted him to piss ',he lady a
plate of dried heel, nicely cut up Sim
reached oul hor hand very politely and look
Millie ou her plate with her fmgeis. Jhm.
han instantly started up, and ituh a loud
voice cried out
iVaiiertake away this "inokrd beil;
hat rude woman had her f, liters in n!'
It was now het turn lo blu-h. She w
1 1 irly donu.
COMIC INTERLUDE IN MAC
MET II.
Tho ti agerdy of Macbeth was a;l -l
.1 . . . ..IT. I 1.'. I .
iceciiliy ai a uuvn in uiu k, i.hih
mil ainonn the sudiet c w a man ,
hod hern fifty miles in the course i f i
Isy to see Colder, tie mnider- r, In
I, U . . . . . .1. . U..l.-f
at Dlllly. rl't'liwi's ino ih-iifi rn"
mined until the last that the exr -penalty
of Ihe law would not he u II
(I, lhat the man who hail f-en h'oi o .
wa to peftered on all sides lor an
oiinl of ihe inelai choly spectacle, il i
actually betook biinelf lo the il-
I to avoid funlu r importunities. ,1
a-i he entertd, the fttorth scene ! n
irarrdy was coinmcncir-, and u
.v-H quietly silling himsflf down u i
o neit the stap, Duncan began in t
voids of the author, as iiuil
I execution done ou Cawdoi?'
Yes, mi ,' said ihe man, 'I ibw li i
longed ill's moroirtg-r-aoa Ihu'-
lisl lime I willans vei any morn f
ions about it.' The audience wei .
coined with laughte al I lie smote
ake, anil it was home lime beloie
pei formances could I'e proceeded ui n,
THE KUL1N0 PASSION.
The mother of Kothsehild tin 1 ' v
tiaiikei, now in her 97ih j ear, had mi mi m
i violent attack nl i.lness; When
tecorered -lie rimark d io In t f ie t
'ter No, no. my li lends, 1 am n i '
io leave this world until I ant t ; 1 1 t
;ar.' Meanius; lhai she would c .. -li
reacheJ one hundred,
Milliliter
x. ::gi i