The Columbia Democrat. (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1837-1850, July 16, 1842, Image 1

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I hare sworn upon tho Altar of God, eternal hostility to every form1 of Tyranny over tlio Blind of Man." Thomas Jefferson
Volume Vff. B1LOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA. SATURDAY, JttXY 16, 18425. Number 12.
' '' " ""Tl"''" 1 - " ' '- ' ' ' - "' "TT.u . r-" J"V. ' " .JUijm
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have no objection of a strango adven-
ure which befel us onca1
'Bravol bravo! bravo! was the unanimous
cry from the members. 'Silence gentle
men,' said the chairman, imperatively; 'si
lence for Mr Connor's story.
'Hem! well then) somo limo about thojtho chuichyard.'
year never mind tho year Ned and I
were playing with the company at Lough
rca; business grew bad, and tho salaries dim
inished with tho house! until at last, one
morning at rehearsal, tho manager inform-
night, and resuscitates a few of those who
have not been buried more than a twelve
month.' Well said I, 'what does all this nonsenso
come to?'
'That you must play the philosopher in
Cerlainlly, you're the very figure fertho
After some persuasion, and some further
development of his plan, I consented to
showing how ready wit may supply the
Tom Conner was a perfect specimen of
the happy, careless, improvident class of
Irishmen, who think it 'timo enough to bid
the dovil good morrow when they meet him
and whoso choif delight seems to consist in
getting in all manner of scrapes, for the
mero purpose of displaying their ingenuity
in getting out of them again. Tom, at the
timo 1 knew him, had passed the meridian
of his life: 'ho had.' as ho used to say to
himself, 'given up barterlng.'and had,lucki
ly a small annuity fallen to him by the
demise of a considcralo old aunt, who had
kindly dropped offiin tho nick of lime.
and on this independence Tom had retired
to spend all that remained to him of a mer
ijfllfe at a pleasant litle sea poittown in the
west of Ireland, celebrated for its card
-"ties and its oyster clubs, These latl
",nes were held by rotation in
nf the club, which
ed us that, in consequenco of tho depressed wrap myself up in an ample stage cloak,
state of tho drama in Galway, the treasury and gliding into the church yard, I waited
would bo closed until further notice, and in tho porch according tc directions I had
that ho had como to the resolution to depart teceived from Ned, until near midnigh,when
on tho following morning for Castlebar, I issued forth, and proceeded to cxamino
wither ho had requested tho company to tho different tomb3 attentively. I was
follow him without delay Fancy mycon bending over one, which by the inscription
sternatior. at this unexpected announcement! I perceived had been erected by 'an affect
I mechanically thrust my hands into my ionato and disconsolate wife, to tho memory
pockets, but they were completely untenan- of her beloved husband;' when I was star
ted. I rushed domo to our lodgings, whore tied at hearing a rustling noise,and on look
I had left Ned Davis; I knew ho had receiv- ing round, to see a stout looking woman
ed a guinea the day before, upon which I standing beside me.
rested my hopes of deliverance. I found 1 'Doctor,' said she, addressing me. 'I
him fencing with his walking-stick with an know what you're about hero'
imaginary antagonist, whom he had in his I shook my head solemnly.
mind pinned against a closet door. I related 'This is my poor late husband's tomb,
to him the sudden movement the manager I know it,' I answered. 'I moan to ex-
had made, and told him in tho most doleful crciso my art upon him fust. He shall be
voice conceivable, that I was not possessed restored to your arms this very night1
of a single penny. As soon s I had finish- The widow pave a faint scream I am
ed, ho dropped into a chair, and burst into sure docter, said she, 'I'm greatly obliged
a long continued fit of laughter, and then loyou, Peter was the best of husbands
looked in ray face with tho most provoking but ho has now been dead six months
mock gravity, and asked
'What's to be done then?
to get out of this?'
'Why, said I, 'that guinea which
got yesterday!'
Ho! ho! ho! ho!' ho shouted!'
How aro we
-",nes were hi
houses of the nitJ
was composed of "the choicest -
town. The Doctor, McFadd relaxing tho
the dignity of professional reserve, condes
cended to play praclicpf jokes Corney
Bryan, the betrothed exciseman; and Skin
tier, tho attorney, reputed all Lord North-
bury's best puns, and night after nighUold
how, at some particular quarter sessions
ho had himself said a better thing than ever
Northbury uttered in all his life. But the
soul of the club was Tom Conner
his inexhaustible fund of humorous anec
dotes and droll stories, kept the tablo in a
roar till & late hour in tho night, or rather
to an early hour in the morning- Tom's
cin.; ..Uv related to adventures which
hadhannencd to himself in his eaily day's
and as ho had experienced innumerable
vicissitudes of fortune, in every part of the
world, and under various characters, his
narratives, though not remarkablc.for their
strict adherence to truth, were always kUis
tinguished by their novelty
One evening the club had met as usual
and Tom had mixed nis first tumbler
Dotheen punch, after tho feast of shells
was fover, when somebody happened to
mention the namo of Edward Keen, with
the remarks that he had once played in
larn in that very town.
True enough,, said Tom. ,1 played in
tho eamo company with him.'
You! vou!' exclaimed several voices
"Of course; but then that was when I was
a strolling actor in Clark's corps; Wo
used to eo to tho western circuit and by
that means got the namo of tho Connaugl:
Rancors.' There was a queer fallow
the company, called Ned Davis, an honest
hearted man he was, as over walked
Bhoe-loMher.Ncd and I sworn brothers; we
shared the same bed, which was often only
n -shako down in the coiner of a stable, and
tho same diuner, which was at times noth
inir bolter than a crust of brown bread and
a draught of Adam's alo, I'll trouble you for
the bottle, Doctor Th unit you; may
and I am married again.'
Humph!' said I, 'the meeting will be
rather awkward, but you may induce your
second husband to resign.'
'No, no, docter, let tho poor man rest
'The quietly, and hero is a trifle foryoux trouble,
guinea is gone, bo saying, she slipped a weighty puwo
Gone!' I exclaimedfflid I felt my knees into my hand.
began to s'lako undeyae. 'Gone where 'This alters tho case,' said I, 'material
howl' ly your lato husband shall never disturb
'I gavo it to the wife of that poor devil etj rao.'
of a scene shifter who broko his arm last The widow withdrew with a profusion
week; he had four chiidern, and they were 0f acknowledgements; and scaruelv had
etattuiei - - . i
them? Had it been ten times as much
they should have had it.'
I don't know what reply I made, but it
had the effcet of producing another uncon
trollable fit of laughter.
'Why do you laugh?' said I, rather an
Who tho devil can help it?' he replied;
your wo-begono counlenace would make a
cat laugh.'
Well,' said I,' we are in a pretty dilem
ma here, Wo owe our landlady fifteen shill-
learned had lately come into possession bT
a handsome property by (he death of an
uncle, camo to request me not to meddle
with deceased, who ho assured mo was a
shocked old curmugeon who never spent
his money like a gentleman, A douceur
from the young chap secured tho repose
of his uncle1
My next visitor was a weasel faced man,
who had been plagued for twenty years by
a shrow of a wife, who popped off one day
from a dose of whiskey. Ho came to be
seech me not to bring back his plague to
'For which sho will lay embargo on our ine world; and pitying the poor man's case
I cave him by promise readily, without
accepting a fee.
I then returned to Ned, who was wailing,
and eagerly asked me what luck?
I shewed him the fees I had received du
ring tho night.
'I told you,' said he, 'that we should
have plenty of Rhino to-day. Never des
pair, man; there aro moto ways out of the
woods than one, and recollect, that ready
little effects three black wigs and a low
comedy pair of breeches this must be pro-
'But how?' I inquired.
'How! nevor mind; but older dinner di
Dinner? said I; don't awaken painful re-
Go and do as I tell you ho replied, 'Or
der dinner beefsteak and oyster sauce.'
Beefsteak? Are you mad? but before I wu ;3 a, 00f as reaci,, moneyV
could finish tho sentence, he had put on his
hat and disappeared THUNDER
'Who knows?' thought I after he was
a I t I I f1l . -m
gone, uo a uuv...... ..... MniW.when - boiv is charged with o
. . I T f tin Itnol . I -J a
wing may turn u , leclrici,y it arran-es itself on the surface,
ptr.nk. In ess than an hour, my friend lEc nL,v " u"
returned with exultation in his looks.
'I have done it!' said ho slapping mo on
the back, 'we shall havo" plenty of money
I begged he would explain himself.
Briefly then,' said ho, 'I havo been to
,i. t,;n;nr.l nnm nil nvnrv other lnimsing
place about town, where I circulated, in the cumstanced, they natural y expand.and con
most mysterious manner, a report that a
celebrated German doctor and philosopher,
who had discovered the secret of resuscita
ting tho dead had arrived in Loughrea
'How ridculous.' I said.
'Don't be in a hurry. This Philosopher der.'
1 added, is about to givo positive proof that
Mr. Thessan thus explains tho noise of
and by a repulsivo power pressing out
wards, it has a tendency to escape,, wero
it not lertrained by tho air. This pressure
outwards against the air relieves the body
of a certain portion of atmospheric pressure1
Solid bodies suffer no diminution ofpresS'
ure but when bodies as clouds are so cir
continue expanding until tho two forces aie
in equilibrio, If then an escapo of electric
ity occurs tho equilibrium is disturbed, a
partial vacuum is formed, and tho air rush
es in. producing tho various noises of thun-
never tafco worso stuff from your hands. I ho can perform what ho professes, and it is
p.tirinn nt Nr..,! Tiauia I'll tp'l vnti. if von hii intention to no in tlio ehurch-yr 0
It is absurd to expect decency of s fool
It is no discredit to a femae to bo oblig
ed to mantain herself by work'On iho con
trary, it is an honor to havo it said she can
support herself. It is her glory, and the
best recommendation to tho society of all
whose good will and friendship aro alono
worth possessing. But there are females
who havo been so educated by their parents
that they look upon labor as something dero
gatory to their sex, and esteem thoso who
aro willing to work as far beneath them
selves, i ney do not caro to associato with
those ot their own sex who mislorlune or
poverty compel to take in work, or who
labor in shops and factories. But which is
the most honorable, to dozo away existence
in following the foolish fashion of the day
in dressing in the litest stylo, and be
waited upou by servants caring nothing
for the poor and distressed around, itself
can only bo decorated, and the first circles
of society be entered or to riso with the
dawn support yourself and enjoy tho bless
ings of life by living as the God of nature
Which, wo ask, is the most useful life?
And who are the best, calculated to become
real companions and happy and contented
wives! Who but a fop, a drono or a fool.
would choose the former for a friend and
companion thro' life, if it were not for her
woalth? and who lives the happiest and en
joys the most of life? The answer is plain
and yet there are multitudes around, follow
ing after the foolish fashions of the day
spending the properly ot their lathers in
gew gaws and silks to make a splcnded ap
pearance to tickle the fancy of tho simpleton
or unloose tho purse strings of the miserly
wretch. Girls.if you Know, what belongs
to your happiness, you will asham
ed to work: you will never let the crimson
mantlo your checks, when it is said. 'She
takes in work,' or 'she enters a shop or
factory.' No it will be your passport of
success to a cheerful and contented home,
and all the blessings of a virtuous life.
Wo have been led to these remarks, by
bwrinjtjrpm the lips of a young woman, as
since in a tone of haughty pride and atossoi
the head zs she remarked to a companion
in reference to an acquaintance. 'I want to
know if she takes in work!' We know
not the female, but we thought, what a fool
the young man must be to choose such
nne for a companion. If we were in want
of a wife, and possessed a princely fortune
we should search out that poor, industrions
girl, and she should be made independent
We know sho must make an excellcn
companion, an industrious, useful wife, and
a kind and dovoted friend. 'She takes
work?' In a few years, though now des
pised for her industry and economy sho
will far outshine her proud and haughty
acquaintance, and be introduced into better
society while she, poor thing! may be glad
to work in her family or wash in her kitch
en. Such cases hnve ocenrcd.
Females, love labor, despise sloth, oaro
not for the sneering remark1 or tho scornful I
look, and your reward, though slow, will
bo certain. Years of trial and anxiety,
with prudence and industry will work
out for your blessing anu iuvors in
comparably great and lasting. 'Take in
work;' do any thing but live a lazy,lashion-
life. We abhor and detest it; ana
so do all whose favor and friendship
you would ever care to gain- Though oth-j
ess may wonder at your course and smile n
your disposition, they shall bo led in the
end to regard it as the height ofwistfom ana
sound philosophy. If your parents are
wealthy remember riches often tako to
ilinmsfilvcs win?s and fly away; nothing
earthly is more unstable, Of your indus
trious andenconomical habits you will nev
er 5e deprived. They are far mo re valuable
to bring to a young man than a princely
rnnn. Seduro those, 'whatever may bo
UI . - - - - '
your situation in life, and never, never be
ashamed to have it remarked ot you -ono
takes in work!' PortlandJ'rib.
It is absurcd to think tliat all beautiful
wo mm will make ceod wie.
At a court held in a county in Now
Jersey stme timo since, a person was pro
scented for an assault and battery upon a
young man who was disturbing a religious
meeting. In the course of tho trial, it ap
peared that at the timo the alleged disturb
ance took place, the defendant laid hold of
the young man, and shook him pretty
roughly, which was the assault, complained
of Thelawycr who was concerned in tho
caso seemed very anxious to know tho ex
tent and severity, and manner of this same
shaking, and interrogated the witness as to
this matter, a long time.
Ono of the, witnesses, a stout, athlctio
man, was asked, 'How did he shako himt
Did he shake him hard?' How hard did ho
hake him?'and not having satisfied Mr. II.
one of tho counsel, as to the extent, Sea
Mr. II1 again pressed the matter by saying,'
Well, now, can't you tell how ho shook
him, and in what way ho did?' Tho wit
noss thereupon laid hold of the Jawyer by
the collar 'suiting tho action to tho
word.J and word )to the action,' and
having given some half a dozen most ter
rible shoofes, observed, very 'coolly, 'ha
hook him that way sir!' to the no small
amusement of the judges, lawyers and
spectators, who were convulsed with laugh
Legislative Anccdelc. Tho Legislativo
sessions in New Hampshire are usually not
very protracted and we perceive that the
present Legislature have concluded to ad
journ on Saturday next, to meet again on
the 2d of July. The debates in tho Now
Hampshire House of Representatives, al
though not deficient in energy and warmth.
are seldom spun out to a great ength
The people require aclitn on th'e pa't of
their representatives and look to the Legis
lature to set an example of economy, by
occupying no more time in law-making or
law altering' than may be absolutely neces
sary We have somewhere seen an inci
dent recorded, which yell illustrates this
tft intrfll(jnin&rvinoiOnn-,ili"r
wisdom of New Hampshire were assembled
at the Capitol, an honest member of the
House,whohad been.reluctantly summoned
to the scene of his duties from tho dinner
table, where he had been freely indulging,
stretched himself out on ono of tho seats.and
was quietly enjoying a nap, when one of
the 'sovereign prople.'who had seated him
self in the gallery to overlook his servants,
happened to observe the aforesaid member
in his recumbent position and without
ceremony bawled out 'Hallo, Mister!
You man that's napping it on tho bench
there the Slate dont pay you two dollars a
day fr sleeping.I can tell ye. So wake up,
wake up!' By the time the above speech,
which was delivered in no ordinary lone of
voice; was concluded, the House was iu a
r0ar the sleeper arose frightened half out
of his wits and the Speaker ordered tha
galleries to bo eleared! Boston Jouvnal.
JUE D'ESPRIT. Tlio editor tho Lcm.
don Ago says, that having occasion to .ex
plore files of the mornng papers for an ad
vertisement, several singular notices struck,
his eye. The following from iho British. t
Traveller, are spici'mens:
.Common Sense' if possible in our next.
'Christianity'raust be deferred for more
temperary matter.
'Scandal' has alreadyappeared m a for
mer number.
'Truth' is inadmissible.
'Honesty' would'be unintelligible to many
of our readers.
We know nothing of 'Good Mannnera,
therefore the writer must bo mistaken in
his conjecture;
'Scurilily may depend upon being insert
ed during-the course of the week.
'Decency' must bo atered to make it fit
for our columns.
'A Patriot' is at present rather out or
'Honest Lawyer, 'with other originals,in
a day or two.
'Matter of Fact' does not cmo within
he circle of newspaper intelligence,