THE (MlflBIA MJMKRAT. I hare sworn upon tho Altar of God, eternal hostility to every form1 of Tyranny over tlio Blind of Man." Thomas Jefferson PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY II. WEBB. Volume Vff. B1LOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA. SATURDAY, JttXY 16, 18425. Number 12. ' '' " ""Tl"''" 1 - " ' '- ' ' ' - "' "TT.u . r-" J"V. ' " .JUijm Opposite St. Paul's Church, Main-st TEHMS : The COL UM1JM DEMOCRAT will be published every Saturday morning, at TWO DOLLARS per annum, payable half yearly in advance, or Two Dollars Fifty Cents, if not paid tvilhin the year No subscription will be taken for a shorter period than six months; nor any discon tinuance permitted, until all arrearages are discharged. ADVERTISEMENTS not exceeding a square will be conspicuously inserted at One Jjouarjor me jirsi tnrec insertions' and Twenty-five cents for every subse quent nsertion. lCr"JI liberal discount made to those who advertise by the year. LETTERS addressed on bttsiness, must be post paid. have no objection of a strango adven- ure which befel us onca1 'Bravol bravo! bravo! was the unanimous cry from the members. 'Silence gentle men,' said the chairman, imperatively; 'si lence for Mr Connor's story. 'Hem! well then) somo limo about thojtho chuichyard.' year never mind tho year Ned and I were playing with the company at Lough rca; business grew bad, and tho salaries dim inished with tho house! until at last, one morning at rehearsal, tho manager inform- night, and resuscitates a few of those who have not been buried more than a twelve month.' Well said I, 'what does all this nonsenso come to?' 'That you must play the philosopher in 'Me?' Cerlainlly, you're the very figure fertho part.' After some persuasion, and some further development of his plan, I consented to TOM CONNOR'S DILEMMA. A TRUE TALK. i showing how ready wit may supply the PLAGE Ott READY MONEY. Tom Conner was a perfect specimen of the happy, careless, improvident class of Irishmen, who think it 'timo enough to bid the dovil good morrow when they meet him and whoso choif delight seems to consist in getting in all manner of scrapes, for the mero purpose of displaying their ingenuity in getting out of them again. Tom, at the timo 1 knew him, had passed the meridian of his life: 'ho had.' as ho used to say to himself, 'given up barterlng.'and had,lucki ly a small annuity fallen to him by the demise of a considcralo old aunt, who had kindly dropped offiin tho nick of lime. and on this independence Tom had retired to spend all that remained to him of a mer ijfllfe at a pleasant litle sea poittown in the west of Ireland, celebrated for its card -"ties and its oyster clubs, These latl ",nes were held by rotation in nf the club, which ed us that, in consequenco of tho depressed wrap myself up in an ample stage cloak, state of tho drama in Galway, the treasury and gliding into the church yard, I waited would bo closed until further notice, and in tho porch according tc directions I had that ho had como to the resolution to depart teceived from Ned, until near midnigh,when on tho following morning for Castlebar, I issued forth, and proceeded to cxamino wither ho had requested tho company to tho different tomb3 attentively. I was follow him without delay Fancy mycon bending over one, which by the inscription sternatior. at this unexpected announcement! I perceived had been erected by 'an affect I mechanically thrust my hands into my ionato and disconsolate wife, to tho memory pockets, but they were completely untenan- of her beloved husband;' when I was star ted. I rushed domo to our lodgings, whore tied at hearing a rustling noise,and on look I had left Ned Davis; I knew ho had receiv- ing round, to see a stout looking woman ed a guinea the day before, upon which I standing beside me. rested my hopes of deliverance. I found 1 'Doctor,' said she, addressing me. 'I him fencing with his walking-stick with an know what you're about hero' imaginary antagonist, whom he had in his I shook my head solemnly. mind pinned against a closet door. I related 'This is my poor late husband's tomb, to him the sudden movement the manager I know it,' I answered. 'I moan to ex- had made, and told him in tho most doleful crciso my art upon him fust. He shall be voice conceivable, that I was not possessed restored to your arms this very night1 of a single penny. As soon s I had finish- The widow pave a faint scream I am ed, ho dropped into a chair, and burst into sure docter, said she, 'I'm greatly obliged a long continued fit of laughter, and then loyou, Peter was the best of husbands looked in ray face with tho most provoking but ho has now been dead six months mock gravity, and asked 'What's to be done then? to get out of this?' 'Why, said I, 'that guinea which got yesterday!' Ho! ho! ho! ho!' ho shouted!' . How aro we you nnniai -",nes were hi houses of the nitJ was composed of "the choicest - town. The Doctor, McFadd relaxing tho the dignity of professional reserve, condes cended to play praclicpf jokes Corney Bryan, the betrothed exciseman; and Skin tier, tho attorney, reputed all Lord North- bury's best puns, and night after nighUold how, at some particular quarter sessions ho had himself said a better thing than ever Northbury uttered in all his life. But the soul of the club was Tom Conner who.by his inexhaustible fund of humorous anec dotes and droll stories, kept the tablo in a roar till & late hour in tho night, or rather to an early hour in the morning- Tom's cin.; ..Uv related to adventures which hadhannencd to himself in his eaily day's and as ho had experienced innumerable vicissitudes of fortune, in every part of the world, and under various characters, his narratives, though not remarkablc.for their strict adherence to truth, were always kUis tinguished by their novelty One evening the club had met as usual and Tom had mixed nis first tumbler Dotheen punch, after tho feast of shells was fover, when somebody happened to mention the namo of Edward Keen, with the remarks that he had once played in larn in that very town. True enough,, said Tom. ,1 played in tho eamo company with him.' You! vou!' exclaimed several voices "Of course; but then that was when I was a strolling actor in Clark's corps; Wo used to eo to tho western circuit and by that means got the namo of tho Connaugl: Rancors.' There was a queer fallow the company, called Ned Davis, an honest hearted man he was, as over walked Bhoe-loMher.Ncd and I sworn brothers; we shared the same bed, which was often only n -shako down in the coiner of a stable, and tho same diuner, which was at times noth inir bolter than a crust of brown bread and a draught of Adam's alo, I'll trouble you for the bottle, Doctor Th unit you; may and I am married again.' Humph!' said I, 'the meeting will be rather awkward, but you may induce your second husband to resign.' 'No, no, docter, let tho poor man rest 'The quietly, and hero is a trifle foryoux trouble, guinea is gone, bo saying, she slipped a weighty puwo Gone!' I exclaimedfflid I felt my knees into my hand. began to s'lako undeyae. 'Gone where 'This alters tho case,' said I, 'material howl' ly your lato husband shall never disturb 'I gavo it to the wife of that poor devil etj rao.' of a scene shifter who broko his arm last The widow withdrew with a profusion week; he had four chiidern, and they were 0f acknowledgements; and scaruelv had etattuiei - - . i them? Had it been ten times as much they should have had it.' I don't know what reply I made, but it had the effcet of producing another uncon trollable fit of laughter. 'Why do you laugh?' said I, rather an grily. Who tho devil can help it?' he replied; your wo-begono counlenace would make a cat laugh.' Well,' said I,' we are in a pretty dilem ma here, Wo owe our landlady fifteen shill- of learned had lately come into possession bT a handsome property by (he death of an uncle, camo to request me not to meddle with deceased, who ho assured mo was a shocked old curmugeon who never spent his money like a gentleman, A douceur from the young chap secured tho repose of his uncle1 My next visitor was a weasel faced man, who had been plagued for twenty years by a shrow of a wife, who popped off one day from a dose of whiskey. Ho came to be seech me not to bring back his plague to 'For which sho will lay embargo on our ine world; and pitying the poor man's case I cave him by promise readily, without accepting a fee. I then returned to Ned, who was wailing, and eagerly asked me what luck? I shewed him the fees I had received du ring tho night. 'I told you,' said he, 'that we should have plenty of Rhino to-day. Never des pair, man; there aro moto ways out of the woods than one, and recollect, that ready in little effects three black wigs and a low comedy pair of breeches this must be pro- vented.' 'But how?' I inquired. 'How! nevor mind; but older dinner di rectly' Dinner? said I; don't awaken painful re- collections- Go and do as I tell you ho replied, 'Or der dinner beefsteak and oyster sauce.' Beefsteak? Are you mad? but before I wu ;3 a, 00f as reaci,, moneyV could finish tho sentence, he had put on his hat and disappeared THUNDER 'Who knows?' thought I after he was a I t I I f1l . -m gone, uo a uuv...... ..... MniW.when - boiv is charged with o . . I T f tin Itnol . I -J a wing may turn u , leclrici,y it arran-es itself on the surface, ptr.nk. In ess than an hour, my friend lEc nL,v " u" returned with exultation in his looks. 'I have done it!' said ho slapping mo on the back, 'we shall havo" plenty of money to-morrow' I begged he would explain himself. Briefly then,' said ho, 'I havo been to ,i. t,;n;nr.l nnm nil nvnrv other lnimsing place about town, where I circulated, in the cumstanced, they natural y expand.and con most mysterious manner, a report that a celebrated German doctor and philosopher, who had discovered the secret of resuscita ting tho dead had arrived in Loughrea 'How ridculous.' I said. 'Don't be in a hurry. This Philosopher der.' 1 added, is about to givo positive proof that Mr. Thessan thus explains tho noise of and by a repulsivo power pressing out wards, it has a tendency to escape,, wero it not lertrained by tho air. This pressure outwards against the air relieves the body of a certain portion of atmospheric pressure1 Solid bodies suffer no diminution ofpresS' ure but when bodies as clouds are so cir continue expanding until tho two forces aie in equilibrio, If then an escapo of electric ity occurs tho equilibrium is disturbed, a partial vacuum is formed, and tho air rush es in. producing tho various noises of thun- never tafco worso stuff from your hands. I ho can perform what ho professes, and it is p.tirinn nt Nr..,! Tiauia I'll tp'l vnti. if von hii intention to no in tlio ehurch-yr 0 ehntch-yrl It is absurd to expect decency of s fool TAKING IN WORK! It is no discredit to a femae to bo oblig ed to mantain herself by work'On iho con trary, it is an honor to havo it said she can support herself. It is her glory, and the best recommendation to tho society of all whose good will and friendship aro alono worth possessing. But there are females who havo been so educated by their parents that they look upon labor as something dero gatory to their sex, and esteem thoso who aro willing to work as far beneath them selves, i ney do not caro to associato with those ot their own sex who mislorlune or poverty compel to take in work, or who labor in shops and factories. But which is the most honorable, to dozo away existence in following the foolish fashion of the day in dressing in the litest stylo, and be waited upou by servants caring nothing for the poor and distressed around, itself can only bo decorated, and the first circles of society be entered or to riso with the dawn support yourself and enjoy tho bless ings of life by living as the God of nature designed? Which, wo ask, is the most useful life? And who are the best, calculated to become real companions and happy and contented wives! Who but a fop, a drono or a fool. would choose the former for a friend and companion thro' life, if it were not for her woalth? and who lives the happiest and en joys the most of life? The answer is plain and yet there are multitudes around, follow ing after the foolish fashions of the day spending the properly ot their lathers in gew gaws and silks to make a splcnded ap pearance to tickle the fancy of tho simpleton or unloose tho purse strings of the miserly wretch. Girls.if you Know, what belongs to your happiness, you will nover.be asham ed to work: you will never let the crimson mantlo your checks, when it is said. 'She takes in work,' or 'she enters a shop or factory.' No it will be your passport of success to a cheerful and contented home, and all the blessings of a virtuous life. Wo have been led to these remarks, by bwrinjtjrpm the lips of a young woman, as since in a tone of haughty pride and atossoi the head zs she remarked to a companion in reference to an acquaintance. 'I want to know if she takes in work!' We know not the female, but we thought, what a fool the young man must be to choose such nne for a companion. If we were in want of a wife, and possessed a princely fortune we should search out that poor, industrions girl, and she should be made independent We know sho must make an excellcn companion, an industrious, useful wife, and a kind and dovoted friend. 'She takes work?' In a few years, though now des pised for her industry and economy sho will far outshine her proud and haughty acquaintance, and be introduced into better society while she, poor thing! may be glad to work in her family or wash in her kitch en. Such cases hnve ocenrcd. Females, love labor, despise sloth, oaro not for the sneering remark1 or tho scornful I look, and your reward, though slow, will bo certain. Years of trial and anxiety, with prudence and industry will work out for your blessing anu iuvors in comparably great and lasting. 'Take in work;' do any thing but live a lazy,lashion- life. We abhor and detest it; ana so do all whose favor and friendship you would ever care to gain- Though oth-j ess may wonder at your course and smile n your disposition, they shall bo led in the end to regard it as the height ofwistfom ana sound philosophy. If your parents are wealthy remember riches often tako to ilinmsfilvcs win?s and fly away; nothing earthly is more unstable, Of your indus trious andenconomical habits you will nev er 5e deprived. They are far mo re valuable to bring to a young man than a princely rnnn. Seduro those, 'whatever may bo UI . - - - - ' your situation in life, and never, never be ashamed to have it remarked ot you -ono takes in work!' PortlandJ'rib. It is absurcd to think tliat all beautiful wo mm will make ceod wie. A PRACTICAL ILLUSTRATION. At a court held in a county in Now Jersey stme timo since, a person was pro scented for an assault and battery upon a young man who was disturbing a religious meeting. In the course of tho trial, it ap peared that at the timo the alleged disturb ance took place, the defendant laid hold of the young man, and shook him pretty roughly, which was the assault, complained of Thelawycr who was concerned in tho caso seemed very anxious to know tho ex tent and severity, and manner of this same shaking, and interrogated the witness as to this matter, a long time. Ono of the, witnesses, a stout, athlctio man, was asked, 'How did he shako himt Did he shake him hard?' How hard did ho hake him?'and not having satisfied Mr. II. one of tho counsel, as to the extent, Sea Mr. II1 again pressed the matter by saying,' Well, now, can't you tell how ho shook him, and in what way ho did?' Tho wit noss thereupon laid hold of the Jawyer by the collar 'suiting tho action to tho word.J and word )to the action,' and having given some half a dozen most ter rible shoofes, observed, very 'coolly, 'ha hook him that way sir!' to the no small amusement of the judges, lawyers and spectators, who were convulsed with laugh ter. Legislative Anccdelc. Tho Legislativo sessions in New Hampshire are usually not very protracted and we perceive that the present Legislature have concluded to ad journ on Saturday next, to meet again on the 2d of July. The debates in tho Now Hampshire House of Representatives, al though not deficient in energy and warmth. are seldom spun out to a great ength The people require aclitn on th'e pa't of their representatives and look to the Legis lature to set an example of economy, by occupying no more time in law-making or law altering' than may be absolutely neces sary We have somewhere seen an inci dent recorded, which yell illustrates this tft intrfll(jnin&rvinoiOnn-,ili"r wisdom of New Hampshire were assembled at the Capitol, an honest member of the House,whohad been.reluctantly summoned to the scene of his duties from tho dinner table, where he had been freely indulging, stretched himself out on ono of tho seats.and was quietly enjoying a nap, when one of the 'sovereign prople.'who had seated him self in the gallery to overlook his servants, happened to observe the aforesaid member in his recumbent position and without ceremony bawled out 'Hallo, Mister! You man that's napping it on tho bench there the Slate dont pay you two dollars a day fr sleeping.I can tell ye. So wake up, wake up!' By the time the above speech, which was delivered in no ordinary lone of voice; was concluded, the House was iu a r0ar the sleeper arose frightened half out of his wits and the Speaker ordered tha galleries to bo eleared! Boston Jouvnal. JUE D'ESPRIT. Tlio editor tho Lcm. don Ago says, that having occasion to .ex plore files of the mornng papers for an ad vertisement, several singular notices struck, his eye. The following from iho British. t Traveller, are spici'mens: .Common Sense' if possible in our next. 'Christianity'raust be deferred for more temperary matter. 'Scandal' has alreadyappeared m a for mer number. 'Truth' is inadmissible. 'Honesty' would'be unintelligible to many of our readers. We know nothing of 'Good Mannnera, therefore the writer must bo mistaken in his conjecture; 'Scurilily may depend upon being insert ed during-the course of the week. 'Decency' must bo atered to make it fit for our columns. 'A Patriot' is at present rather out or date. 'Honest Lawyer, 'with other originals,in a day or two. 'Matter of Fact' does not cmo within he circle of newspaper intelligence, r