r E&saa ear.
, u
'i huo Mvurn uiion tho Altar of God, eternal hostility jffjfffiffi of Tyranny over tho Mind of aiaii." Thomas Jclfcrnon.
PIUNTED AND PUBLISHED BY II. WEBB.
Volume M5.
BliOOMSBJH, COLUMBIA COUNTY,
SEPTEMBER. 7, 1839,
Kusnlicr 10.
AiinrM-'ATi mini mil rnnn m
Orrosrrn St. Paul's Cutiitcii, Mai.vst.
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EC2S(KSlME!liBSro
LAUGHABLE STORY.
The following a is laughable account of
'tho misfortunes vvhicli befel an American
gentleman upon of a visit to a lady in Paris
to whom ho boro letters of introduction.
After relating a numbers of ludicrous and
armmng mistakes upon his entrance into
the presence of the lady, he thus proceeds :
'The ordinary routine of a Frenph din
nor commenced. A regular Berics of ser
vants appeared each instant at elbows, invit
ing us to partake of a thousand different
kinds ofwines under a string of names which
I no more understood than I did thoircompo
sition or they did my gauchcries- Resolute
to avoid all further oppoitunites for display
ing my predominant trait, I sal in the most
obstinate silence saying out to every thing
that was offered to mo and eating with the
most devoted application, till my fair neigh
bour, wearied with my taciturnity and her
ojnat length herself began conversation by
enquiring how I was pleased with tho opera.
I was just.rnising a large morsel of potatoo
to my mouth and in order to reply as quick
ly as possible I hastcly thrust it in inten
ding to swallow it as hastely. Heavens!
it was hot as burning lava, what could I do?
Tho lady's eyes were upon me, waiting for
a reply to her question. But my mouth
was in flame. I rolled the burning morsel
hither and thither, rocking my head from
6tde to side, while my eyes which I invol
untarily fixed upon her, were strained from
there sockets. She regarded my grimaces
of the cause of which she was ignorant,
with an expression of amazement and sur
prise.- at which I can lauch now when I
think of it.
"Monsieur is ill!" at length sho gently
and in an anxious tone enquired; I could
bear no more. Mv mouth wa3 flaying
with intolerable pain, -so quietly abandonin
the point, opened it to tho utmost and out
dropped the infernal brand upon my plate
Not the slightest tendency to risibility
ruffled the impurtuibablc politeness ot the
lady. She soothingly condoled with me
on my misfortune, (hen gradually led the
conversation to a variety of topics, till exer
tm; the magic influence that true politeness
always exercises, I began to forget my own
blunders. Gradually my cheeks burned
less painfully, and I could join in the con
versation without tho fear that every word
I uttered shared tho fato of the action I at
tempted. I even ventured to hope, nay
to congratulate myself that tho catalogue of
calamities was completed for tho day.
"Let no man call himself happy before
death," said Solon, and ho paid wisely
Tho Ides of March were not yet over. Bc-
fore us stood a dish of cauliflower, nicely
done in butler. This I naturally enough
took for a custard pudding, which it sufli
cienlly resembled. Unfortunately my vo
cabulary was not yet extensive enough to
embrace all the technicalities of the table
and when my fair neighbor inquired if I
was fond of chorflour, I verily took it to he
tho Flinch fot custard pudding, and so high
was my panegyric of it that my plato was
bountifully laden with it. Alas, one single
mouthful was enough to dispel tho illusion
Would to heavon that" the chorfleur had
vanished with it. But that remained bodi
ly, and as I gazed despondingly on the
hugo mass that loomed almost as large and
burning Vesuvius, my heart died within me
Ashamed to confess my mistake though I
could as readly have swallowed an equal
quantity of soft soap, I struggled manfully
on against tho the mountainous hoap at its
base and shutting my mouth to inhale as
largo masses as I could without stopping to
taste it. But my stomach began intelligibly
enough to intimate its intention to admit no
more of this nauseous stranger beneath its
roof, if not oven expelling that which had
already gained an unwelcome admission.
The seriousness of the task I had under
taken, and the resolution necessary to exe
cute it, had given an earnestness and rapi
dity to my exertions which appetite could
not have inspired, when .my plato having
got somcwhat over the ciJ.lc of the table,
upon my leaning forward tilted up, and
down slid the disgusting mass into my lap.
My handkerchief uilable to bear so weighty a
load, bent under in its turn, and a great pro
portion it landed safetly in my hat. The
plate instanly righted itself as I raised my
person, and a3 I glanced my eye ronnd the
table, and saw that no one had noticed my
disaster, I inwardly congratulated myself
that the nauseous deception was so happily
disposed of. Resolved not to the detected,
I instantly rolled my handkeromcf together
with its remaining contents and whipped it
nto my pocket.
The dinner table was at length deserted
for the drawing room where coffee and li
quors were served round. Meantime I had
sought out what 1 thought a safe hiding
place for my hat beneath a chair in the
dining-room for I dare not cany it any lon
ger in my hand, having first thrown a mor
sel of paper to hide the cauliflower, should
any one chance in seeking for his own hat
to look into mine.
On my return to the drawing roorh I
chanced to be' again seated by the lady by
whom I had sat at table' Our cqnversa
tion was resumed, and we were in the
midst of animated discussion, when a huge
spider was seen up her arm.
" Take it offtake it off," she ejaculated
in a terrified voice.
I was always afraid of spiders; so to a-
void touching him with my hand, I caught
my pocket handkerchief from my pocket
and clapped it at once upon the miscicanl
who was already mounting over her temple
with rapid strides. Graacious heavens
I had forgotten the cauliflower which was
now plastered over her face like an emou-
licnt poultice, faiily killing the spider and
blinding the eye of the lady while little
streamlets of soft butter glided gently down
her checks and bosom.
"Mondicu ! Moudieu !" exclaimed the as
tonished fair.
"Mondieu !" was the re-echo from every
person's month.
"Have you cut your hand '."inquired one
"No? no ! tho spider Monsieur is
killing tho spider."
"What a quantity of entrails !" ejacula
ted the astonished Frenchman, unconsci
ously to himself.
Well might he be.astonished, the spray
of the execrable vcgilablc iiad spattered her
dress from head to foot. For myself, the
moment the accident occuredl had mechan
ically returned my handkerchief to my poc
ket but its contents remained.
"What a monster must ti have been," ob
served a young lady as she helped to re
lievo my victim from her cruel situation, "I
dcclaro I should think ho had been living
on cauliflower."
At that moment I felt some one touch me
and turning, I saw my companion who had
come with me.
" hook at your pantaloons," ho whispe
red. Already half doad with the confusion
and disaster I had caused, I cast my
eyes upon my onqe whito dress, and
saw at a clanco the horrible extent' of
u
my delcmma. 1 had been sitting on the
fated pockot and had crushed out tho liquid
butler and the soft paste-like vegituble,
which had bedaubed and dripped down till
it seemed as it were actually dissolving my
pantaloons.
Darling from the spot, I sprang to the
place where 1 had left my hat; but before I
could reach it, a sudden storm of wrath was
heard at the door.
" Sair 1 bete I sacro 1" tho gar in the first
syllable being mado to roll like a watch
man,s rattlo mingled with an other epithet
and name that as angry Frenchman never
spares, was hcaid rising like a fierce tern
pest without tho doors. Suddenly there
was a pause; a gurling sound as one swal
lowing involuntarily and the storm of
wrath again broke not with redoubled fury
1 seized my hat and opened the door, and
tho whole matter was at ohec explained;
we had exchanged hats and there he stood
the soft cauliflower gushing down his
cheeks, blinding his eyes, filling his mouth
hair, mustachioa, ears and whiskers1 Nev
er shall I forget that spectacle. There ho
stood astride, like the Colossus and stooping
gently forward his eyes forcibly closed, his
arms drooping out from his body and drip
ping cauliflower and butter from every pore.
I staid no longer, but retaining his hat, I
rushed from the house, jumped into a
'fiacre' and arrived safely homo, heartly re
solving that to my latest hour, I would
never again deliver a letter of introduction.
From the PliiladeljiUia PuWie Ledger.
AN ODD CIRCUMSTANCE.
During our struggle Jor independence, a
queer transaction occurred at a lavern not
many miles from Germantown, between an
American and a British soldier. . Ji was on
tho day prior to the battle of Germanlowii.
yet fresh in the recollection of many of our
citizens, that a weary traveller, with a duck
gun of a large bore .resting on his shoulder,
demanded a night's lodging at a public house
on the Jhroadjl liis Iwro feet, rimless hat
anutomotliuig c'eraylfl no good'im
pression on the mind of the tavern keeper,
as to the likelihood of his ever being paid
for his meals or lodging; but mine host'
being a true American at heart, and recog
nizing the traveller at once to be a ' provin
cial,' he liberally extended to him the com
forts of his houso and home. The soldier
being weary, retired to bed shortly after his
arrival. About an hour after, the trampling
of tho feet of a horse was heard in front
of the tavern, aud before tho barkeeper could
open the door, the heavy tread of a man
was heard on the piazza of the hoiue.
The scarlet coat and rich epaulets of the
new comer at once convinced the ' Major
Domo' that he was an English oflicer. Ho
entered the barroom, unloosened his swoid
belt, and imperatively called for supper and
a bed. Here was a dilemma; there was but
tho one bed a double bed by Iho way in
the house and it was occupied by the Amer
ican private. Tho landlord at length hesi
tatingly declared that unless he would
condescend to sleep with a fellow traveller
he could obtain no lodging. It being scV'
oral miles to tho next public house and al
ready late at night, the oflicer finally accep
ted the proposal and was ushered to his dor
mitory by the light of a flaming pine knot
The night passed tranquilly away, if the
litsley snoring of both travellers be except
ed. In the morning our provincial private
was the first awake. Ho looked apparent
ly with much surprise, at the British oflicer,
who lay quietly breathing with his mouth
open, as if to catch flies. He then exam
ined his tattered shirt, pinched himself in
the legs and arms, and then muttered
Strange 1 d d strange !' Finally he pinch
ed the officer's nose, who jumped up cvl
dently terrified.
Who are you?' demanded our provin
cial.
' I'm a soldier,' was tho reply.
' What's your name?'
' Jacob Ellworth.' ' '
' You're a liar, that's my name, I'm Jake
Ellworth.' , , ,
No you're not, thas.me,' answered tho
officer, who by thi lime 'had recovered his
courage.
' What ? dy'e want to tell tWc that you're
Jake Ellworth When I'm Jatfe himsolf?
You can't throw sawdust in this child's
eyes no how you can fix it' putting his
thumb to his nose and shaking his fist at the
provincial.
This movement roused the ire of the
Yankee to such a degree, that with his
clenched fist he struck the Briton a blow on
his face and levelled him on the bed; a noise
ensued, and but a few minutes elapsed ere
tho landloid with his attendents arrived at
the door; each of the combatants appealed
to him to decide who was the leal ' Jake
Ellworth,' and which was the man who had
come to bed last. Tho landlord surveyed
them each in their turn, but their face3, their
size, and the color of their hair resembled
each other so much that he had declared he
was unable to distinguish one from tho oth
er. At this moment the hostler arrived at
tho door with the intelligence that a patty of
English st ldicrs could be seen some distance
off, marching in tho direction of the tavern.
The oflicer laughed and the Yankee looked
aghast, but suddenly recollecting himself,
seized the Englishman's uniform, ran out
of the room and ordered the hostler to sad
dle his horse. In the yard of the tavern he
completed his dress, mounted the officer's
steed and boldly meeting the detachment of
English soldiers, ordered them to take a d d
rebel, whom he had made prisoner at the
next tavern, to the camp. The munccuvrc
succeeded and thu Yankee escaped to the
Americen camp. The English officer in
the mean time was arrested by his own men,
but whether the mistake was ever discover
ed this deponent sailh nof'
From the Ilural Kcpository.
THE TREMBLING EYE-LID.
BY 1IKS. h. II. SIGOURNT.Y.
It was the day before Chirstmas, in the
year 1778, that during our war of thcRevo-
ution, an armed vessel sailed from the port
of Boston. She was strongly built, and
carried twenty guns, 'th a well appointed
crew of more than a hundred, and provis
ion for a crui3c of six months. As she
spread her broad, while sails, and steered
from the harbor with a fair fresh breeze
she made a noble appearance. Mariy throb
bing hearts breathed a blessing on her voy
age; for she bore a company of as bold and
skilful seamen, as ever dared the perils of
ihe deep. But soon the north wind blew,
and brought a heavy sea into the bay. Tho
night proved dark, and they came to anchor
with difficulty near the harbor of Plymouth.
The strong gale that buffeted them became
a storm, aud the storm a hurricane.
Snow fell, and tho cold was terribly se
vere. The vessel was driven from her moor
ings and struck on a reef of rocks. She
began to fill with water aud they were oblig
ed to cut away her masts. The sea rose a
bovc the main deck, sweeping over it every
surge. They made every exertion that cour
age could prompt, or hardihood endure.
But so fearful were the wind and cold, that
the stoutest man was not able to strike more
than two blows in cutting away the masts,
without being relieved by another, The
wretched people thronged together on tho
quarter-deck, which was crowded almost to
suffocation. They wero exhausted with
toil and suffering, but could obtain neither
provision or fresh water. They wero all
covered by the deep sea, when the vessel
became a wreck. But unfortunately the
crew got access to ardent spirits, and many
of them drank to intoxication. Insubordin
ation, mutiny and madness ensued. The
officers remained clear-ininded, but lost all
authority over the crew, who raved around
them. A more frightful scene can scarcely
be imagined. The sky, the raging storm,
the waves breaking wildly over the rocks,
and threatening every moment to swallow
up the broken vessel, and the half frozen
beings who maintained their icy hold on lifo,
lost torea3on and to duty.or fighting fiercely
with each other. Somo lay in disgusting stu
piditv, or others, with fiery faces, blasphom
cd God. Some in temporary delirium, fan
cied themselves in palaces, surrounded by
luxury ,and brutally abused tho servants who
tbv sunnoied refused to do llipir bidding.
others there were, who amid the beating of
that pitiless tempest, believed themselves in
tho home they nevor more must sec, aud
with hollow, reproachful voices besought
bread, and wondered .why water was
withheld from them by the hands that wero
most dear. A few, whose worst pnssiona
were quickened by alcohol to a fiend-like
fury, assaulted or wounded those who camo
in their way, making their shrieks of defi
ance and their curses heard above the roar
of the storm. Intemperance never display
ed itself in more distressing attitudes. At
length Death began to do his work. Tho
miserable creatures fell dead every hour Up
on tho deck, being frozen stiff and hard. -Each
corpse as it became breathless, was
laid upon the heap of dead bodies, that more
space might be left for the survivors. Thoso
who drank most were the first to perish.
On the third day of these horrors, tho in
habitants of Plymouth after making many
ineffectual attempts, reached tho wreck, not
3
without danger What a melancholy spec
tacle 1 Lifeless bodies, stiffened into every
form that suffering could devise. Many
lay in' a vast pile. Others sat with their
heads reclining on their knees; others grasp
ing the ice-covered ropes; some in a posture
of defence like tho dying gladiator; others
with hands held up to heaven, as if depre
cating" their fato. Orders wero given to
search earnestly for every mark or sign of
life. One boy was distinguished amid tho
mass of dead, only, by the trembling of hin
eye-lids. The poor survivors were kindly
received into tho houses of the people of
Plymouth and every effort used for their
restoration. The Captain and Lieutenant,
and a few others, who abstained from tho
use of ardent spirits survived. The remain
der were buried, some in separate graves,
and others in a large pit, whose hollow ia
still to be seen on the southwest side of tho
burial ground in Plvmouth. irhe funeral
obsequies wero most "solemn. When 'the'"
clergyman who was to perform the last ser
vice, first entered, and saw more than sev
enty dead bodics.snme fixing upon him, their
stony eyes, and others with faces stiffened
into tho horrible expression of their last
mortal agony, he was so affected, as to
faint.
Some were brought on shore alive, and
received every attention, but survived only
a. short time. Others were restored after
long sickness, but with their limbs so inju
red by the frost as to become cripples for
lifi.
In a village at some distance 'from Ply
mouth, a widowed mother, with her daugh
ter were seen constantly attending a couch,
on which lay a suAeicr ft was the boy
whose trembling eye-lid attraced the notice
of pity, as ho lay among tho dead.
"Mother," ho ssid in a feeble tone, "God
bless you for having taught me to avoid ar
dent spirits. It was this that saved me.
After thoso around me grew intoxicated, I
had enough to do, to protect myself from
them.
Some attacked and dared me to fight. Oth
ers pressed the poisonous draught to my
lips and bade mo to drink. My lips an I
throat wero parched with thirst.' But I
knew if I drank with them I must lose my
leason, as they did and perhaps blasphemo
my maker.
One by ono they died, those poor infatu
ated wretches. Their shrieks and groans,
still seem to ring in my cars. It was in
vain that the captain and other officers and
a few good men warned them of what would
ensue if they thus continued to drink, and
tried every method in their power to re
store them to order. They still fud upon
intoxicating liquor. They grew delirious
they died in heaps.
Dear mother, our sufferings from hunger
and cold, you cannot imagine. After my
feet were frozen but before I lost the use of
my hands, I discovered a box among frag
ments of the wreck, far under water. I
toiled with a rope to drag it up. But my
strength was not sufficient, a comrade
who was still able to move a little, aisistcd
me. At length.it.camo within our rermh.
We hoped that it might certain bread; Vnd
took coumgf -