Slpming gfjßfe Dnuorrot, HARVEY SICKLEU, Publisher VOL. VIII. iUpming ©literal Democratic weekly _ i _ • HARVEY SICKIER r.-rrns —I copy 1 year, in advance) 4'2,00 ; if i,,! j aid within six months, 42.50 will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all arc raariiiffcrsa paid: unless at the option of puMi RATES OF ADVERTISING TI.V LINKS CONSTITUTE A SQUARE. i ne viiuare <>ue or three 4 # 1.50 Kvery subseijU'nt insertion less than 8 50 Keii'ESTATE, PTITSONAL PROPERTV, and GKI.TPAL ADVERTISING, as may be agreed upon. PiTt.vr MEDICINES and other advertisements oy the column : one column, 1 year, $6O II .If column, 1 year *-35 third column, I year, 25 Fourth column, I year, '2O llusiness Curds of one square or less, per year . ih paper, $8 fjJ'* EmTnMALor LOCAL ITEM advertising—with- j i • Advertiser ent—ls cts. per line. Liberal terms j made with permanent advertisers. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AI'DT- | TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, 42,50 j OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each ; REL- I G lOi'S and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general j ntrest, one half the regular rates. • Advertisements must bo handed in bv Ti KS AY NOON, to insure insertion the snmo week. JOR WORK fall kinds neutlv executed and at prices to suit the times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK tcust be paid for, when ordered Busin ess Notices. r ITTLE A ATTORNEYS. Office la on Warren Street Tunkhannuck Pa. W. E. LITTLE. J- A.SITTBKE. 1 I H. OOOPEI, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON I i. Newton Centre, Luzerno County Pa. OL, PAtllffl. ATTORNEY AT LAW. • Ofii-e at the Court House, in Tunkhanock Wyoming Co. Pa. 11/ M. iM. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW of- V ? fice in Stark's Brick. Block Tioga St., Tunk n irinoek, Pa. T J NIASIFC. ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL 1 LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa Especial attention given to settlement of dece dent's estates Nicholson, Pa., Dec. 5, 18g7—v"nl9yl MJ. WILBOK, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Col • lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands for sale. Scranton, l'a. 38tf. /YSTEHUOCT A DEWITT, Attorneys' at Law— V Office, opposite the Rank, Tunkhanuock, Pa. I' >l. OsTEKHOUT. Oh. DEWITT r W. RHOADri. PHYSICIAN A SURGEON, J. will attend promptly to all calls in his pro fession. May be found at his Office at the Drug Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly occupied by A. K. l'cckham Esq. Oil, E. F. AVERV'SMSjSM IIKNTAI. OFFICE. "mHO | Over Burn's Bros., Jewelry Store. Tnnkhaunoek, Pa. All the various styles of Dental work scientifically done and warranted. Particular attention given to iiranrtitening irregnlar or ilelicient teeth. r Examinations made, and advice given without ek.irge. Ethereal Spray administered when desired. Chloroform administered under direction of a Physi cian. The advantages of employing a local and re s;onlble dentist are apparent to all. vBn27t. Prof. J. Berlinghof. iflsljioiiablf Barber S t]air-(Cutter, AT TUNK CANNOCK, PA. IIAIR Woven, and Braided, for Switches, or Curled, and Waterfalls of every size and style, manufactur ed to order. _ __ The highest market priegs paid for Ladies' Hair, Ail the approved kinds of llair Restorers and Ihe.-iiig constantly kept on hand and sold at Man ufacturers retail prices. llair and Whiskers colored to every natural she <e. JACOB BERLINGHOF. Tunk., l'a. Jan. 5, '69. —vSu22-tt, PACIFIC HOTEL, 170, 172, IT* At 170 Greenwich Street. (ONE loou ABOVE CORTLANDr STREET, NEW YORK.) The unpersigned takes pleasure in announcing to fi-numerous friends and patrons thai from this date, the charge of the Pacific will be $2.50 PER DAY. Being sole Proprietor of this house, and therefore f fr .in the too common exaction of an Inordinate r :.t. he IS fully able to meet the downward tenden cy nt prices without any falling oil of service. If will now as heretofoie, be his aim to maintain un.linoshed the favorable reputation of the Pacific, which it has enjoyed for many years, as one of the bet of travelers' hotels. THE TABLE wilt be bountifully supplied with every delicacy of the season. THE ATTENDANCE will be found efficient and an ! obliging. THE LOCATION will be found convenient for tin whose business calls them in the lower part of t- ■ city, and of ready access to all Kail lioad and Steamboat Lines. JOHN PATTEN. Oct 10th 18G8. nlB-Cm. HUFFQRD HOUSE. TUNKHANNOCK. WYOMING CO., PA r riILS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY 1 been refitted and turnished in the latest style. Lierv attention will be given to the comfort and ton sentence of those who patronize the House. H, HM'FORD. Proprietor. Tnnkhiinnock, Pa., June 17, 1868.—-7n44. BOLTON HOUSE. HAKHISHUhtiy I'KNNA. Tin* undersigned having lately purchased the ' bi'UHLER HOUSE " property, has already com tueneeil such alterations and improvements as will render this old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg, V c"niinuance of the public patronage is refpect 'uily solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE, Til Kll IN NOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. i'ill* oslablishmeLt has recently been refitted an furnished ip tue latest style Every attention *ol be given to the comfort and convenience of those •ao patronize the IIouc. T. li WALL, Owner and Proprietor: TunkUannock, September 11, 1861. TUNKHAMOCK WYOMING CO., PA., -WEDNESDAY, APRIL 7, 1869. The new Broom still new! AND WITH THE NEW YEAR, l Will be used with more sweeping effect than bereto | fort,by largo additions from time to time, of Choice ann desirable QOODS, at the HXT ew Store OF C DETRICK, to S, Stark's Bri:k Block AT TUNKHANNOCK, PANN'A. Where can be 'ound, at all times, one of the Largest und Richest assortments ever offered in this vicinity, Consisting of BLACK AND FANCYCOL'RD DRESS SILKS, FRENCH, ENGLISH and AMERICAN MERINOS, EMPRESS AND PRINCESS CLOTHS, POPLINS, SERGES, and PAREMETTOS, BLACK LUSIIE AND COLORED ALPACCAS WOOL, ARMI'RE, PEKIN AND MOI'SELIEU DBLAINB, INPORTED AND DOMESTIC GINGHAMS, PRINTS of Best Manufactures, —to: Ladies Cloths and Saequeings, FURS, SIIAWLS, FANCY WOOLEN GOODS, AC.. LADIES RETICULES, SHOPPING BAGS and BASKETS. TRUNKS, VALISES, and TRAVELING BAGS, :o: Hosiery and Gloves, Ladies' Vesta, White Goods, and Yamkee notions in endlessva liety. 110 OPSKIR TS fc CORSETTS, direct from the manufacturers, at greatly reduced prices. PLAXXELS all Colors and Qualilix. KNIT GOODS, Cloths, C|ssimeres, Vestings, Cot too ad es, Sheetings, Shirtings, Drills, Denims, Ticks, Stripes, &c. Every Description of BOOTS A- SHOES, HATS & CAPS. Paper Hangings, Window Shades, Cur tains, Curtain Fixtures, Carpets, Oil- Cloths, Crockery, Glass and Stoneware. Tinware, Made expressly for this trade, and war ranted to give Satisfaction, at 20 per cent, cheaper than the usual rates in ibis section. HARDWARE & CUTLERY, of all kinds, SILVER PLATED WARE, Paiuts, Oils, and Painters Materials, Putty, Window Glass, Ac. KEROSENE 'OIL, Chandeliers, Lamps, Lanterns, Lantern Glares, Lamp Chimneys, Shades and Curuers. COAL, ASHTOX, \ DRL. SALT FLOUR. FEED. MEAL, BUTTER, CHEESE, LARD, PORK, HAMS, and FISH. SUGAR, TEA, COFFEE SPICES. SYRUP, A MOLASSES, WOOD A WILLOW WARE, ROPES, CORDAGE, PATENT MEDICINES. DRUGS, and DYES, FLAVORING EXTRACTS, Ac., Ac, -:o: These goods have been selected with great care to suit the wants of this community, and will be sold as heretofore, at the lowest living rates for cash or exchanged for country produce at market prices. Thankful for the past liberal patronage, I shall endeavor by strict attention to my business, to merit a continuance of the same, and will try to make the future still more attractive and ben eficial to customers. C. DETRICK. laeteg. THE BAREFOOT BOY. BV JOBS a. WHITTIKK. Blessings on thee, little man Barefoot boy, with cheeks of tan 1 With upturned pantaloons, And thy merry, whistled tunes— With thy red lip, redder still Kissed by strawberries on the hill— With the sunshine on thy face, Through thy torn brim, jaunty grace; From my heart I give ye joy, I was once a barefoot boy. O! for boyhood's painless play, Sleep that wakes In laughing day, Health that knocks the doctor's rules, Knowledge never learned at schools, Of the wild bee's morning chase, Of the wild flower's time and place, Flight of fowls and habitude, Of the tenants of the wood, , How the tortoise bears his shell, How the woodchuck digs his cell, And the ground-mole sinks his well, How the robin feeds her young, How the oriole's nest is hung; Where the whitest lilies grow, WherojUe freshest berries grow, Where the ground nut trails his vino, Where the wood-grape clusters shine; Of the black wasp's cunning way, Mason of his wall of clay, And the architectural plans, Of gray-hornet artisans! For eschewing books and tasks, Nature answers all he asks; Hand In hand with her he walks, Faco to face with her he talks, Part and parcel of her joy- Blessings on the barefoot boy ! Cheerful, then, ray little man, I.ive and laugh, as boyhood can, Though the flinty slopes be hard, Stubble spread the new morn sward, Every morn shall lead thee through Fresher baptism of the dew; Every evening from thy feet. Shall the cool winds kiss the heat; In the prison cell of pride, Lose the freedom of the sod, Like the colt for work we shod. Made to tread the mills of toll, T'p and down the ceaseless moll — Happy If thy track be fonnd Never on forbidden ground— Happv If they sink not in If utek and treacherous sands of sin, Ah ! that thee may know the joy, Ere it passes, barefoot boy. JOSH BILLINGS ON L AFFIX. —Laflin is strictly an amusement, altlio som folks mako a bizziness of it. It lias been considered an index of cliar akter, and tliere is som so close at reason ing that they can toll what a man liad for dinner bi seeing him laff. I never saw two laff alike. While there are sum who don't make en" ny noise, there are sum who don't make anything but noise—and sum agin who have music in their lad. and others who laff just as a rat does who has caught a steel trap with his tail. There is a mistake in the ossershuns that it is no comfort to hear sum laffs that come romping out of a man's mouth like a dis trict skool of young girls just let out tow play. Men who never laff may have good hearts but they ane deepseated—like some springs they have their inlet aud outlet from below and show no sparkling buble on the brim. I don't like a giggler ; his kind of laff is like a dandyliou, a broad peller with not a bit of good smell about it. It is true that enny kind of a laff, if it is honest, is better than none, but give me the laff that looks out of a man s eye, fust to see if the coast is clear, then steals down into tho dimple of his c-hcek and in eddy tliar awile, then waltzes a spell at tho cor ner of his mouth like a thing of life, then bursts its bonds ov beauy, and fills the air for a moment with a shower ov silver-ton tongued sparks, then steals*back with a smile tew lay ill the heart tew watch again for its prey —that is a kind of a laff I luv and ain't afeered ov. WARNING TO YOUNG MEN. —Charles Lamb told his sail experience, as a warning to young men, in thu following language: "The waters have gone over me. But out of the black depths, could I be heard, I would cry out to all those who have set a foot in the perilous flood. Could the youth to whom the flavor of the first wiue is as delicious as the opening scenes of life or the entering upon some newly discovered paradise, look into my desolation, and be made to understand how dreary it is when he shall feel himself going down a precipice with open eyes and a passive will to his des truction and have no human power to stop it, and yet feel it all the way emanating from hinself; to see all godliness emptied out of him, and yet not able to forget a time when it was otherwise; to bear the piteous spectacle of his own ruin ; could he see my fevered eye, fevered with last night's drinking, and feverishly looking for to night's repeating of the folly ; could he but feel the body of death out of which I cry hourly with feebler outcry to be de livered, it were enough to mako him dash the sparkling beverage to the earth, in all the pride of its mantling temptation'" "lIRIU A young man rushed through the streets of Toledo, Ohio, the other day, fol lowed by a very excited German. The lat ter was shouting as he ran : "he ish going emit der reever, uuder der ice under, for to suicide commits. " Several citizens joined in the chase, and the fugitive was captur ed just in time to prevent % him from leaping into the half-frozen river "To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Bight." THE PIOUS ROBBER. During my twenty-five years of actual service as detective, I have found many who have stolen the livery of heaven to serve the devil in. One morning I stepped into Chief Mat sell's oflice, having just returned from the West, when I was accosted by the Chief : "Hullo, Harry ! glad to see you ; there is work ahead." "What's up uow ? another murder?" I exclaimed. "No, its a robbery ; or, as I should say# a series of robberies." "Where away ?" "Bond street." "What, not ou Bond street!" I cried, as tonished, for during my absence I bad heard of frequent robberies living commit ted on that particular street. "Yes Harry this is the tenth robbery there inside of two weeks," replied Matsell. " "Cuu it be fathomed ?" "I know not; in fact we had no one to work it up." "Where's Bolt aud Kuight ?" "On that murder case in Newark." "And Charley Ross ?" "He has just finished the Chattertown forgery case, and is expected here to-mor row. So, Howard, you will have to work up this one." "I'll try it, hut I cannot go to work till morning, for I must rest." "All right," returned the Chief, and I left tho headquarters. The many robberies that had taken place on Bond street were very mysterious, and no trace could be had of the depredator, for they seemed to have been committed by one person. Detectives from Philadelphia vflfrked at the case a while, but went home no wiser than they came. I had worked up many difficult cases, aud was considered a first-rate detective — that is by our chief—and nearly all the" mysterious aud intricate work was placed in my liands. As I entered tho headquarters the suc ceeding morning I was 1 tailed by Matsell; "Another robbery last night Harry." "Not on Bond street, I hope." "Yes it is there again." "The devil," I cried, perfectly astonish ed. "It is either his satanic majesty or his imps," said the chief, a smile upon his face. "Who was visited last night ?" "Mrs. Durant, the Irish widow. She was here this morning, and said that she htul been robbed of valuables amounting to over five thousand dollars." "Whew!" I exclaimed. "That was a big liauL" "Now, Howard, you had better go and examine the scene of tho robbery, and do as you think best." I left tho oflice and ere long stood upon the marble steps of Mrs. Duraut's stone front. A servant bado me enter, and I was conducted to the parlor, where I found the widow bathed in tears. She quickly look ed up and drew lior hands across her eyes. "I am Harry Howard," I said, byway of introduction. "Mr. Howard, the doteotivo ?" "The same, madam." "Y'ou come to investigate the matter, do you not ?" "I do. I would like to see tho room where you kept your valuables." "Follow tue," said tho widow ; and she led me up stairs to a small room where her jewels had been kept. Things were in a topsyturvy condition. Drawers lay on the floor with their con tents scattered about tho room. Tito iron safe had been broken open and the money and jewels extracted. I noticed that there was a stain of blood upon one of the draw ers, and concluded that the burgular had injured himself iu some way, while com mitting his depredations. The next moment I picked up a part of an envelope which was saturated with blood. I examined it closely, and found that it had been addressed to "Rev. Noah Newton, New York." I hastily thrust it into my pocket, and turning to the window, said : "Mrs. Durant, do you know the Rev. Noah Newton, of fliis city ?" "Oh, yes, he is our pastor ; but you do not suspect liim ?" "Oh, no, I was requested to inquire about him by a friend." "Then you have found no cluo," said the widow as I rose to go. "I have not madam. This is the most complicated case I have ever engaged on. But I have one more question to ask." ' 'Proceed sir." "Can yon describe any article that has been stolen !" "Oh, yes —there was my betrothal ring. It was given me by Mr. Durant many years ago, but he is dead now." "Please describe it," I said impatiently. "It was a heavy gold ring, the letters "T. D." engraved on it." "That will do," said I, and the next min ute I was walking rapidly towards my lodgings. For a long while I thought of the case upon which I was engaged. I could not believe that Mr. Newton was the burglar, but then the question arose how came that bloody envelope in tho widow's room ? But I must see the minister and know J more about him. I sauntered down Broad- j way and stepped into a store to purchase some articles which I stood in need of. While making the purchase, a man stepped in and asked for some- things which liad been left for Noah Newton. "Are you Mr. Newton ?" asked the clerk. "I am, sir." "Bob, run up stairs and get Mr. New ton's things," cried the clerk to an errand boy. Bob hurried off up stairs, while I con tinued in studyiug Newton's face, I had ex pected to see a person of sinister counte nance, but was wofully mistaken. He was a man about twenty-eight years of age, with a cleanly shaved face, and was neatly dressed. His eyes were large and expressive, and the noble looking forehead told that he was intelligent. I thought he needed watching, and I determined to do it. When he left the store I watched him, but he weut directly to his boarding-houso. The next night I watched Newton's : house and saw him come forth and walk away. I followed, and he led me through i street after street, uutil we entered R street. Was ho going to a gambling hell ? 1 Yes, it was true. I followed suit, and 1 saw my man seat himself at a faro table. He bet heavily, hut lost, and at last laid < his last dollar upon the table. This time i he won, and continued to do so until he was a thousand dollars ahead. He then left tho room and went to his boarding house. i Night after night I followed to and from i the gambling house, but learned nothing more. But success was to come. One night I i was looking ut some gold pens in a jewelry store, when a woman entered and stood near me. Her person glittered with dia- i monds. As she turned her face towards me I saw Anna ltodman, one of the many women of New York who "Barter their souls for the means of life."' As she laid her hand upon the counter I saw a plain gold ring glistening on one of her fingers. I leaned forward, looked at the ring, and saw the letters "T. D." en graved upon it. I knew it instantly. It was the betrothal ring of which Mrs. Du rant had been robbed. How came Anna in possession of that ring ? I must ascertaiu ;so I hastily pur chased the pen, and took my station out side of the store to await her exit. She came out at last and walked rapidly away. I followed her through severai streets, un til when in the vicinity of the Battery, she was joined by a man, who, as the light of a lamp fell upon his face, I recognized Noah Newtow, the minister. The two entered a house near by. Presently Newton came out uad walked away without being fol lowed. After waiting an hour longer I saw Anna come from the building. I stepped for ward and laid my hand upon her shoulder. "Who are you ?" "Harry Howard." "A detective ?" Yes I've heard of you." "Anna; I am engaged in legitimate busi ness, and I want you to assist in catching a villian." "I will do if I can, sir." ' 'Then please inform me who gave you that riug ?" I said pointing to the stolen ring which was 3till on her finger. "Noah Newton, a young man who lives on S street." "Was it the person whom you met awhile ago ?" "It was, sir." "Then, Anna, that ring belongs to Mrs. Durant, and that man whom you met to night is a preacher, and tho celebrated Bond street robber." "Why you don't say so ! He said ho was a jeweler, and gave many pretty things !" "Will you keep this conversation as you would a secret, Anna ?" "Yes sir ; and I hope yon will catch him," she answered and walked away. It was ten o'clock now, but I determined to visit the widow. She received me kind ly, but her face wore a look of disappoint ment when I told her I had no clue of the robber. After we had talked awhile she said : "Our pastor preaches his farewell ser mon to-morrow." "His farewell sermon !" I eriod, utterly astonished. "Yes, he leaves for California immediate ly after the services are concluded. His brother has written for him to come. His congregation will be sorry to part with him, and I especially, for he comforted me when I was in sorrow, and pointed me to the Lamb of God !" "The hypocrite !" I mentally exclaimed. I left the widow in a hurry and went to headquarters, got Charley Ross and pro ceeded to Newton's house to arrest him. But the bird had flown. He had gone, his housekeeper said, to spend the night with a friend in the lower part of the city. We were chagrined at our defeat and re solved to arrest him before he reached the church. We went to the church at an early hour, but our game was already there, and the choir was singing. We entered and occupied a back seat ; we were obliged to do so, for the church was filled with peo" pic who had come to hear the farewell i discourse. Tho preacher arose took his text, which I think read as follows : ' 'Be yc holy ; for I jam holy." The discourse was a Bplendid [ one, in which his talents shone with all their brightness. He concluded by exhort i ing his hearers to tdMe him as an example, and follow him as he followod Christ! When the services were concluded, he descended from the pulpit to receive the i farewells of his congregation. The ladies j gathered round him to receive the parting kiss. At last he started towards the door. "Now's your time, Harry," whispered { Charley Ross, as Newton neared me. t I stepped up to tho pious robber, and grasping his arm, cried out: "Mr. Newton, in the name of the com- ( mouwealth of New York, 1 arrest you. I "What for ?" he stammered out. "For the Bond street robberies. " He turned pale as death, and many of the a women fainted. His hand moved towards j his coat pocket, but it did not reach it. "Quick, Charley the bracelets !" I The next instant Charley Ross sprang forward and clasped the handcuffs ou, and j Air. Newtou was marched off amid tho , shrieks aud groans of tho congregation. When his trial came oil he made a full con fession, ad he went to tsing fsing for a term of fifteen years. All the fruits of his robberies were re- j , covered save the mouey, and Anna Ilod- man willingly gave up the widow's ring. j After a few weeks later I was presented with a line gold watch by the people of ] Bond Btroet, whose church is in charge of t a minister who is not a wolf in sheeps i clothing. ' I t A YOUNG LADY'S BOLIDOQCY.— UseIess, aimless through life —what was I born for? For somebody's wife my mother says. — < Well, that being true, somebody keeps him- > self entirely from view, and if naught but marriage will settie my fate, I believe I c shall live in an unsettled state. For though i I am not ugly—pray what woman is ?—you might easily find a more beautiful phiz ; and those who seek for perfection seek here , in vain. Nay, in spite of these drawbacks, i my heart is perverse, and I should not feel f grateful "for better or worse," to take the s first booby who graciously came and offer- 1 ed me those treasures—his home and liis \ name. I think, then, my chances of mar riage are small, but why should I think of such chances at all ? My brothers are all f of them younger than I, yet they tlirive in < the world, and why not let mo try ? I i know that in business lam not an adapt, 1 because from such business most strikingly , kept; but this is tho quesiion that troubles my mind : Why am I not trained up to work of some kind ? Useless, aimless, drifting through life, why should I wait i to be somebody's wife ? < — POETRY GONE MAD.— Some unknown poet mounts his Pegassus and glides away into the realms of bliss after the following j style: "Of all the joys vouchsafed to man in life's tempestuous whirl, there's naught ap- j proachea heaven so near as dauciug with a j girl—a rosy, laughing, buxom girl; a frank ] good-natured, honest gill; a feeling, flirt ing, floating, smiling, smacking, jolly, jok- j ing, jaunty, jovial, poser-poking, dear lit tle duck of a girl. Pile up your wealth a ] mountain high, you sneering, scoflling churl, I'll laugh as I go dashing by with my dear, delightful girl—the brightest, dearest, sweetest girl; the trimmest, gay- i est, neatest girl; the funniest, flushest, frankest, fairest, roundest, ripest, roguish est, rarest, spunkiest, spiciest, squirmiest, , squarest, best of girls, with drooking lash- , es, half concealing amorous flashes -just , the girl for the chap like me to court, and love, and marry, you see—with rosy chocks aud clustering curls, tho sweetest and best of girls." jJaF" A clergyman was reproving an old farmer for his revengeful conduct towards them that had offended him. "You should love your enemies," observed the parson ; "and preserve an affection for those that hurt you." "I do love my enemies," re torted the sou of the plough ; "and have a groat affection for them that hurt me." — "No such thing," returned the clergyman. "You don't love your enemies." "Ido." "Who nro the enemies you love ? " "Rum and cider." Gen. Grant's first military order as President, assigns Sheridan to the only place for which his unfitness and incompe tency had been completely demonstrated ; and after sending to the most prominent stations generals of lower rank and less brilliant services than the only genera named as his competitor for the Presiden cy, Hancock namely,—him General Grant sends to Dakota. This is magnanimous. "SAVED." —We were amused with the re mark of an old lady who was admiring the beautiful picture called "Saved." "It's no wonder," says she, "that the poor child fainted, after pulling the great dog out of the water." fcgc* A doctor up town recently gave the following prescription for a lady : "Anew bonnet, a cashmere shawl, and a new pair ' of gaiter boots." The lady, it is needless to say, has entirely recovered. Misery loves company—So docs a mar-j i riageable young lady. TERMS, $2.00 Per ANNUM, in Advance. ' NO. 35. pise & pjiEcfow. to?" Why are lazy-looking girls the moat adored? Because they are 'idle-eyes-ed." toe"* When may a man be said to break fast before he gets up ? When he takes a roll in bed. toar* Why is a minister like a locomo tive ? We have to look out for him when the bell rings. tob 1 * If all the letters in the alphabet were to run a race, which letter would be sure to be first in starting ? The letter s. tod"- What is that which occurs once iu a minute, twice in a moment, and not once in a hundred years ? The letter AT. toy"* ' 'Are theso calico horses painted ? " asked an inquisitive lady at a circus, recent ly. "Aye," replied the clown, "they are 'grained' every night and morning." to?" A richly dressed lady stopping a boy trudging along with a basket, and asked, "My little boy, have you got religion ? " "No, ma'am," said the innocent, "I've got • potatoes." lIKII AXD HAW.—A man about towu war lately invited to a sewing-party. The next day a friend asked iiim how the entertain ment came off. ' 'Oh !it was very amusing," he replied, "the ladies hemmed and I haw ed." tod- The following are among the signs of the shops of negro traders at Fort Smith Arkansas: "Camphein Andburninflewd." "Ches Nuts biled and Roar." "Cain seet cheers Re seeted Hear." "Woshing, ironin & going out doin dais wurks dun here." tojy* A young lady school-teacher of In dianapolis was one Sunday endeavoring to impress upon her scholars the terrible ef fects of the punishment of Nebuchaduez zer. She told them that for seven years he ate grass just like a cow. Just then a little boy asked: "Did he give milk." A Goon SPYGLASS. —An Irishman was speaking of the excellence of a telescope.— "Do you see that wee speck on the edge of the hill yonder ? That, now, is my old pig, though hardly to be seen ; but when I look at him with my glass, it brings him so near that I can plainly hear him grunt." CAUSE OF CBOOKED EYES. —"I say mis ter," said one. Yankee to another, "how came your eves so crooked ? " "My?" "Yes." ' 'Why, sitting between two girls, and try ing to make love to both at the same time." toy- A lady, a regular shopper, who had | made an unfortunate clerk tumble over all the stockings in the store, objected that nono were long enough. "I want," she said, "the longest hose that are made." "Then, madam," was the reply, "you had better apply to the next, engine-house." toi>'* "Grandfather," said a saucy little boy the other day, "how old aro you?"— The old gentleman, who was much under the ordinary size, took the child between his knees, and said, "My dear boy, I am seventy-live years old ; but why do you ask ? " The little fellow replied, "Well, it appears to mo you aro remarkably small of your age." STEAM DEFINED. —At a railway station an old lady said to a very pompous-looking gentleman who was talking about steam communication : "Pray, sir, what is steam ?" "Steam, ma'am, is, ah ! —steam is, ah t all ! steam is steam ! " "I knew that chap couldn't tell ye," said a rough looking fellow standing by. "But steam is a bucket of water iu a terrible per spiration." • ON LADIES' LETTERS. A great many loves, and a great taamy dears ; A great many hopes, and a great many fears ; A great many tender, mast tender adieus, Mixed up with a great deal of nonsense and news; A great many postscripts, soma long and some short, To prove that the writer is fruitful in thought. AN ARABS WOMAN'S OPINION.— AU Arab woman was asked, ' 'What do you think of a young man of twenty years ? " "He is," she said "a bouquet of jasmine." "And of a man of thirty ? " "He is a ripe and well-flavored fruit." "And one of forty ? " s "He is a father of girls and boys ? " f "And one of fifty ? " "He may pass into the category of preach ' era." "And one of sixty ?" "Ho is good for nought but to cough and groan."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers