HARVEY SICICLER. Publisher
VOL. VIII.
Wyoming Seitrntwi
A Democratic weekly
tktper devoted t Poll . "/T>
ii< I New*, the Art.- \ W
-v-ien.-esA.-. Pub- v *
: died ,-vcrj V,edovs- j *
.*), at Tuokhannovk J*l
BY HARVEY SiCKLER
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PATENT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy
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JOB WORK
fall kinds neatly executed and at prices to suit
t'ne times.
HI TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
WORK must be paid for, when ordered
Business Notices.
I ITTI.E"d/siTTSEH. ATTORNEYS. Office
\j on Warren Street Tunkhannock Pa.
W. E. LITTLB. J. A. SITTBSB.
HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN & SURGEON
• Newton Centre. Luxerne County Pa.
Oli. I'ARRISH. ATTORNEY AT LAW.
• (iffi-e at the Court House, in Tunkhanock
Wyoming Co. Pa.
Tm. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of
fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk" j
usnnork. Pa. _______ I
j CHASR. ATTORNF.YAND COUNSEL- i
i % LOR AT LAW, Nicholson, Wyoming Co-, Pa j
Esfeciul uttenlion given to settlement of dece- :
hut's estates
Nicholson, Pa. Doc 5, 13^7— v7nl9yl
T t .1. W 11M9 .ATM. NFY AT LA W, Col
_\ 1 • lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands
' - sale. Scranton, Pa. 38tf.
-TEKHOUT A DEWITT, Attorneys' at Law—
V ) Office, opposite the Bank, TttDkhatmock, Pa.
I V.. OiTEBBOCT. G- B. DEWTTI
T W, RHOAIW, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON,
J . will attend promptly to all calls in his pro
fessi.-n. May be found at bis Office at the Drug
-tore, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly
oerar<ed by A. K. Pe'-kham Esq.
2R. E, F. AVERY'S^aHK
IIF.NTAL OFFICE, "AiJJJ-l-i- |
r fitirn's Bros., Jewelry Store, Tunkhaunock, Pa.
All the various styles of Dental work scientifically
T :ic and warranted. Particular attention given to
i iizhtenlng irregular or deScient teeth.
Examinations made, and advice given without
■urge. Ethereal Spray administered when desired.
. r : nil administered under direction of a Fhysi
•Un. the advantages of employing a local and re
a.-ible dentist are apparent to all. vgn27t.
Prof. J. Bcrlin^hof.
iashtoncble Jatbtt & gcir-tluttcr,
AT TUNKHANNOCK, PA.
HMR Woven, and Braided, for Switches, or Curled,
and Waterfalls of every siie and style, manufactur
es to order.
The highest market prices paid for Ladies' liair.
Ail the appioied kinds of llair Restorers and
Icss,.ng cciistanllv kept on hand ami *>id at Man
-fertamrs retail prices.
Heir and Whiskere colored to every natural
>ctdt.
JACOB BELLING HOF.
Tunk , Pa. Jan. 5, '69. —vßn2!-tf.
PACIFIC HOTEL,
170,172,174 A 17® Greenwich Stfeet
' OOP. ABOVE CORTLAWDT BTBEBT, NEW YOBK.)
Tke unpersigned takes pleasure In annonnelng to
numerous friends and patrons that from this
!i W, the charge of the Pacific will be
$2.50 FEB DAY.
Retng sole Proprietor of this house, and therefore
tee from the too common exaction of an inordinate
•tit, he i tully able to meet the downward tendca-
r T f prices without any falling off of service.
• *i J now, as heretofdie, be his aim to maintain
litiiisheil the favorable reputation of the Paclfio,
kit has enjoyed for many years, as one of the
"•t t travelers'hotels. ,
'HE TABLE will be bountifully supplied with
"*7 -leiicacy of the season
UiE ATTENDANCE will be found efficient and
8 i obliging.
..THE LOCATION will be tound convenient for
-whocu business calls them In the lower part of
-* t ' city, and of ready access to all Rail Koad and
"eauiUmt Lines.
JOHN PATTEN.
bet loth ISM. nlBAn.
hufford HOUSE.
hjnkhannocb:. WYOMINOCO., PA
THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS RECENTLY
ten refitted and lurniehed in ths latest styls.
• 'try attention will be given to the comfort and ;
of those who patroniie tbo House.
U, HUFFORD Proprietor.
• ttihaotiock, p a . ( Juno 17, 1868.—v7u44.
BOLTON HOUSE/
H All If IS RUhG, PKNNA.
. Lie unU-rjigned having lately purchased the j
• lILF.R HOUBE " property, has already com- !
; -uch alterations and improvements os will i
. th;, i a nd popular House equal, if not supe- 1
'w nny Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
b'inuan-e of the pubiic patronage is refpect- |
Jeo.u-itei j
GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
I .LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/
WYOMING GO., PA.
I "i 3 "ti'dishment has recently been refitted an
'P'ehed in the latest style Every attention 1
i, .I? 1 ®' 0 the comfort and convenience of those
wroniie the Houe
Innti. R-WAIJ,, Owner and Proprietor ; I
"hshanncck,September 11, 18C1.
TUNKHANNOCK WYOMING CI)., PA. -WEDNESDAY, MARCH. 24,1869,
The new Broom stilJ
new!
AND WITH THE NEW YEAR,
I Will be used with more sweeping effect than hereto-
I fore,by large additions from time to time, of Choice
ann desirable GOODS, at tho
'
NTew Store
.; or
C DETRICK,
I
in S, Stark's Bri:k Block
AT TUNKHANNOCK, PANN'A.
i Where can be found, at all times, one of the Largest
and Riehest assortments ever offered in this vicinity,
Consisting of
BLACK AND FANCY COL'RD DRESS
SILKS,
FRENCH, RNGLISfI and AMERICAN MERINOS,
KM PRESS AND PRINCRSS CLOTHS,
POPLINS, SERGES, and PARKMETTOS,
BLACK LUSIIK AND COLORED
ALPACCAS WOOL, ARMURE, PEKIN
AND MOPSELIBU DELAINS, INPORTED
AND DOMESTIC GINGHAMS, PRINTS
of Best Manufactures,
Ladies Cloths and Sacqueings,
FURS, SHAWLS, FANCY WOOLEN
GOODS, &C.. LADIES RETICULES,
SHOPPING BAGS and BASKETS.
TRUNKS, VALISES, and TRAVELING
BAGS,
Hosiery and Gloves, Ladies' Vests, White
Goods, and Yarakee notions
in endless va
riety.
HO OPSKIR TTT CORSETTS,
direct from the manufacturers, at greatly
reduced prices. *
FLANNELS all Colors and Qualities.
KNIT GOODS,
Cloths,
Csssimeres,
[ Vestings,
Cottonadcs,
Sheetings,
Shirtiugs,
Drills.
Denims,
Ticks, Stripes, &c.
Every Description of
BOOTS it SHOES,
HATS & CAPS.
Paper Hangings, Window Shades, Cur
tains, Curtain Fixtures, Carpets, Oil-
Cloths, Crockery, Glass and Stoneware.
Tinware,
Made expresslv for this trade, and war
ranted to give Satisfaction, at 20 per cent,
cheaper than the UMI1 rates in this section.
HARDWARE &t CUTLERY, of alt
kinds,
SILVER PLATED WARE,
i
Faints, Oils, and Painters Materials, i
Putty, Window Glass, Ac.
. V i
KEROSENE 'OIL, !
i
Chandeliers, ,
Lamps,
Lanterns,
Lantern Glares,
Lamp Chimneys, \
i
Shades and j
I
Curuers.
1
OOjSLT
ASHTON, \ HAL. SALT
FLOUR,
FEED. . •
MEAL,
BUTTER.
CHEESE,
LARD,
PORK.
HAMS,
and FISH.
SUGAR.
TEA,
COFFER
(•PICES.
SYRUP, A
MOLASSES,
WOOD & WILLOW WARE,
ROPES* CORDAGE,
PATENT MEDICINES. DRUGS, and DIES,
FLAVORING RXTRACT3,~Ae., Ac,
These goods have becu selected
with great care to suit the wants of
this community, and will be sold as
heretofore, at the lowest living rates
for cash or exchanged for m f on °J. r y
produce at market prices. Thankful
for tl#s past liberal patronage, I shall
endeavor by strict attention to my
business, to merit a continuance ot
the same, and will try to make the
future still more attractive anl ben
eficial to customers.
C. DETRIGff.
Iflftrtj.
9
THE DYING CALTFORNIAN.
Tuno—Jane's Bird.
Lay up nearer, brother, nearer, for my limbs are
growing cold,
And thy presence seeinetli dearer when thy arms
around mo fold ;
I am dying, brother, dying, soon you'll miss mo In
your berth,
And my form will soon be lying 'neath the occan' g
briny surf.
Hearken to me brother, hearken. I have something I
would say,
Ere this veil my vision darken, and I go from hence
away;
I am going, surely going, but my hopes in God are
strong,
I am willing, brother, knowing that he docth
nothing wrong.
Tell my father when you greet him, that In death I
prayed for him,
Prayed that 1 might one day meet him in a world
that's free from sin ;
Tell my mother God assist her, now that she is grow
ing old,
That her son would glad have kissed her when his
lips grew pale and cold.
Hearken to me. catch each whisper, 'tis my wifo I
speak of now,
Tell, Oh! tell her, how I missed her when the fever
burnt my brow;
Hearken to me, closely listen, don't forget a single
word.
That in death my eyes did glisten when the tears
her memory stirred.
Tell her then to kiss my cnlklrcn, like the kiss I last
Impressed,
Hold them fast, as last I held them, folded closely to
my breast:
Give them early to their Maker, putting all their
trust In God,
And He will never forsake her. He has said so In His
word,
O, my children, heaven bless them, they were all my
life to me,
TVould I couhl onee more caress them, ere I sink lie.
neath the sea ;
'Twas for them I crossed the ocean, what my hope
were I'll not tell*
But they've gained an orphan's portion, yet He do
eth all things well.
Tell my sister I remember every kindly parting
word,
And my heart has been kept tender by the thoughts
their memory stirred
Tell them I ne'er reached the haven where I sought
the precious dust,
But I've gainod a port called heaven, where the gold
doth never rust.
Urge them to secure an entrance, for they'll find
their brother there,
Faith in Jesus and repentance, will secure for them
a share :
Hark. I hear my Saviour calling, 'tis, I know His
voiSe so well.
When I'm gone, oh, don't be weeping, brother hear
my last farewell.
DRIFTING AWAY.
Drifting away, drifting away,
Swift down life's rapid river :
Onr love's the dalliance of a day, ]
Onr joy's a sunbeam's quiver— ,
Drifting away.
Dfifting away, drifting away, 1
Through rifts and tarns of sorrow, ,
Mocked by the diamond-crested spray,
With sweet hopes of to-morrow—
Drifting away. j
Drifting away, drifting away. '
With strong, resistless motion :
But list! the Nald voices say,
We're drifting to the ocean— 1
Dri'ting away.
fey* A tinker was traveling in a country
town, and having traversed many miles
without finding anything to do, lie stop
ped weary and hungry at a tavern. Here
lie got into conversation with a glazier, to
whom ho related his troubles. The latter
sympathized with lrim deeply, and telling
him he should have a job before long, ad
vised bim to go to his dinner and eatlioart
ilv. The tinker took his advice, ate his
fill, and when he returned to the bar-room
ho was overjoyed to hear that the landlord
required his services, to mend a lot of pans
and kettles which had suddenly "sprung
aleak." The tinker was at once set. to
work, accomplished the task, received a
liberal sum in payment, and started on liis
wav rejoicing.
Upon reaching the outside of the house
lie found the glazier, who said, "well yon
sec I told you the truth. I procured you a
job of work : and how do yon think I ac
complished it ? "
"I am sure I cannot tell," replied the
tinker. .
"I will tell you,"rejoined the glazier.—
"Yon told me you were wearv, hungry and
ilinnerlcss. I knew the landlord was well
off, and doing a good business ; and so I
watched the opportunity, and started aleak
iu every utensil I could get hold of."
The tinker, with many thanks, and a
heart full of gratitude, resnmed Iris jour
ney ; but he hail hot proceeded many yards
liefore he reached the village church, when
a brilliant idea strook lrim. The glazier
had befriended him ; he would befriend the
glazier. Tho church, he thought, could
afford to bear a slight loss in a good cause;
so. taking a position where bo conld not
be seen, he riddled every window in the ed
ifice with stones, and then, highly elated
witV his exploit, retraced hissteps to notify
the glazier lie would speedily have a very
important job.
"Sir," said he, "I am happy to inform
von that fortune has enabled me to return
the kindness I received from you about an
hour since."
"How so ? " asked, the glazier, pleasant-
" 'I have broken oven- pane of glass in
the church," answered the tinker; "and
yott of course will be employed to pnt them
in ag^in."
The glazier's jaw fell, anil Ins face as
sumed a blank expression, as he said, in a
tremulous tone,- • 'Yo don't, mean to say
that, do yon V " ■
4 •Certainly," replied the tinker; there is
not a whole pane of glass in the building.
"Ono good turn deserves another, you
know ?"
"Yes," answered the glazier, in a tone of
of utter dispute; "but. yon scoundrel, you
bavo ruined me, for I keep the church win
dows in repair T>v the year 1"
" To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. "
TURKISH WOMEN-THEIR CUSTOMS,
TRAITS, AND HABITS—THE BATH
AND HAREM.
j The most striking and painful features of
I Mohammedan countries, says Edna Dean
j I'roctor, is the drading position of the wo
, j men. The lower classes wear out their
j lives in the most menial drudgery ; in pro
i i portion as they rise in scale of rank and
j and beauty makes rank here) they
i are jR-tted and earressed, but are guarded
; with the most jealous care. Any woman in
i the Sultan's dominions, no matter what her
| birth and circumstances, may aspire to be
j come an inmate of his harem, provided she
j lias the requisite perfection of face and fig-
I ure; and, what is yet stranger, after re
j maining there for a time, she may antici
pate living given in recognized marriage to
some of his chief officers. Yet there is no
respect for a woman because of lier nature,
her character, or her sphere. She is admir
able only so far as she contributes to the
pleasure of man ; and, in all stations, what
ever influence she has, is due to her fleet
ing personal charms. Alas for one who
has nA enchantments of face or charm '
According to Moslem creed her heritage is
doubtful, even in the world to eonie.
It is a mistake to suppose that Moham
medan women never go abroad. You
meet them in every street and bazaar, but
always veiled according to the peculiar fash
ion of the place they inhabit, and watched
and attended just in proportion as they are
valued so that the more restricted they are,
the more complimented they feel. Their
indoor dress is everywhere much the same
loose, full trowsers, couflned at the ankle, a
flowing robe, with a girdle about the waist,
the jewels proportioned to the wealth of the
wearer--a style much more graceful and
desirable than many modes which Paris
dictates.
At Cairo, the women of the better classes
wear usually in the streets a black silk man
tle, which envelops them from lieud to foot,
and a thick veil which entirely conceals the
face, except the eyes. The dress of the
poor is similar, but the material is a coarse
blue cotton. Hundreds of women of this
Litter class iu Cairo, sit all day upon the
ground with a little pile of bread, or fruit,
or vegetables by their side for sale, and
through all the oppressive heat never lift
their veils, considering itdisgrace which
only the lowest will incur, to have their
faces exposed to view, while at the same
time, perhaps, neck and bosom are wholly
1 >are.
The young girls at eight or nine years of
age assume this viol. In Damascus a thin
bright figured handkerchief of silk.or cot-
ton is drawn over the face aud fastened be
hind. The shrouding mantle here is of
white cloth sometimes embroidered muslin;
and with the wealthy, of those rich silk fab
rics for which Damascus is reuowned. No
where except in sea-sliell and sun-set skies,
have I seen such tints as there—vcllow
pinks, rosy purples, orange blues, crimson
green, maroon browns, all shot through
with gold and silver threads, a blending
that pleases and yet bewilders the eye. The
native dyers of Cashmere boast of having
more than forty distinct and peculiar hues.
I think there can not be no less at Damas
cus. In Constantinople the veil gives place
to the yachman, a scarf of the finest and
most delicate white muslin ; which is folded
across the head and face, leaving tho eyes
and a part of the forheail* uncovered, and
pinned or gathered into a knot at the back.
Nothing could lie more becoming than
this gauzy muslin, giving a transparent
look to the complexion, enhancing the
brillaney of the soft black or brown eyes
which glance between its folds, aud only
half hiding the luxuriant liair. I noticed
that the prettier the women, the tlriner was
its texture ; and there were some blooming
faces to which it was only such drapery as
the moss is to the rosebud. Often it is
caught back with pearl lieadpins, while
pearls hung in the ears, or gleamed
in a bandeau along the brow. The outer
garment, the feridjoe, is more graceful in
shape than those worn elsewhere, and falls
from the shoulders like a cloak or shawl.
Its common material is merino or poplin,
of a plain, light color—gray, fawn, lilac,
maize, and sometime crimson or green.
Rings set with turquoises and diamonds,
sparkled upon the fingers ; but gloves and
black shoes are rarely seen, the slippered
feet being incased for walking in loose
boots of red or yellow morocco.
There is for me an irresistable charm in
the Eastern countenance and manner. The
people of the West tlirow themselves into
life as if they feared the present were all;
the Orientals take it as but a single phase
of existence. They are in league with fate,
and carry in their faces tho serenity akin
to soilness of those to whom all events are
alike welconier. I have no desire to see
the Asiatic tribes crushed and driven out
before the advance of Europe. They
spring from earth's primeval inhabitants in
I her first occupied lauds. . Many of their
i customs and modes of thought date back to
the infancy of the race. Thcv have K<>n®e
' elements of character grander than ours,
and they need only to be developed and en
lightened in ordef*to add immmnsely to the
riches of civilization, it is a part of tho
West to seek to win them to purer faith
and a nobler worship, and to show them
that they cannot reach their best estate un
til through all their realms, women is eleva
ted in the social scale, and made what she
was liie.mfe to be—the equal and companion
of man. -
A STRAGE STORY
Onr readers may remember the singular
disappearance of Cupt. Ilohrer last summer,
an untiring efforts of his friends, and tho
Reading Masonic Lodge, of which lie was a
member, to solve tho mystery, nis ordi
nary mining clothes were found near a
mine, and it was pumped out at an ex
pense of several thousand dollars in expec
tation of linding his body. His business
partners were arrested on tho charge of his
murder, and together with other suspected
persons were placed in prison. One man,
owing to the suspicions attached to him,
has become ruined in buiness, and is now
a drunken worthless creature.
The mystery of his disappearance is at
List solved. During the inauguration a
little girl was in danger of being run over,
and was rescued by a man in a marine's
uniform. Air. Cole, the partner of Capt.
Rchrer's father-in-law, recognized in the
xuan the missing Capt. Rehrnr ! He tapped
him on the shoulder aud calling him by
name said lie wanted to see him. liehrer
denied Iris identity, but finally, oa being
informed that Cole did not wish to arrest
lrim, went to the latter's room and there
confessed that lie was liehrer. He gave as
hLs motive that lie was iii debt, owing
about $.'5,000, and he had only 81,300 to
pay it, and was afraid to face his creditors.
All his arrangements were made to induce
his friends to believe that he had committed
suicide, or been murdered ; and with twen
ty-five cents in Iris pocket he left his place
of business, and got a job on the Treverton
11. R. as a laborer on the track. After
working there a week, he thought a man
was eyeing him curiously, and left at once
for Philadelphia, where he hired as a por
ter in a sugar refinery. Leaving that city
he finally reached Washington and there
enlisted in tho Marine Corps.
Mr. Cole suggested that when he got
home, his story might be doubted, or peo
ple insist that lie was mistaken, and asked
for some token to show to liis wife and
friends. Rchrer complied, and handed
him Iris Masonic mark, remarking that his
wife would know that. He did not know
that any pew,on had been arrested for his
murder, and stated that he had not read a
newspaper since he left Schuylkill county.
Rchrer's friends think he is partially in
sane. If not he should be punished for
the wrong done and misery caused inno
cent parties ; and we shudder to think how
an additional item or two of evideneo
might have convicted innocent men of mur
der. — C'h umhian.
BEAUTIFUL EXTRACT. — The following
beautiful tribute to woman was written
several years ago. It occurs in a tale of
touching interest, entitled "The Broken
Heart,"—its author, D. F. Strattou :
"Oh ! the priceless value of the love of
pure woman ! Gold eaunot purchase a gem
so precious ! Titles aud honors confer up
on the heart no such serene happiness. In
our darkest moments, when disappointment
and ingratitude, with corroding care, gath
er thick around, and even tiic gaunt form
<if poverty menaces with its skeleton fin*
gers, it gleams around the soul with an an
gel's smile. Time cannot mar its brillaney;
distance but strengthens its influence ; bolts
and bars cannot limit its progress ; it fol
lows the prisoner into his dark cell, and
sweetens the home morsel that appeases the
hunger, aud in the silence of midnight it
plays around the heart, and iu his dreams
he folds to liis bosom the form of her who
loves on still, though the world has turned
against him. The couch made by the hand
of the loved one is soft to the weary limbs
of the sick sufferer, and the potion admin
istered by the same hand loses half its bit
terness. The pillow carefully adjusted by
her brings repose to the fevered brain, and
lier words of kind encouragement survive
the sinking spirit. It would almost seem
that God, compassionating woman's first
great frailty, had planted this jewel in her
breast, whose heaven-like influence should
cast into forgetfulness man's remembrance
of the Fall, by building up iu his heart
another Eden, where perennial flowers for
ever bloont, and crystsl waters gush from
exliaustless fountains."
A BABOON VOYAGE TO EUROPE.— The no
tion as an a-rial voyage to Europe has been
revived by M. Chevalier, a celebrated
French aeronaut, who has just arrived in N.
York. He proposes starting from N. Y'ork
next April or May. M. Chevalier, we are
told onee made the journey from Paris to
tlie Russian frontier, a distance of over sev.
en hundred miles, in less than five hours.
Upon another occasion he crossed St.
George's Channel from Dublin, and has ac
complished without injury, several ascen
sions in Franco arid England. The air
ship in which the experiment is to be at
tempted is called L'Esperauce. Its height
is ninety-five feet, its diameter one hundred
and fifty feet, and it requires 120,000 cubic
feet of gas to inflate it. Attached to the
ship is an enclosed car capable of carrying
about fifty persons, with provisions for a
ten days' voyage. M. Chevalier contem
plates extending invatations to several
members of the press, to accompany him.
DSyHow many straws go to a bird's
nest ? Not any, for having no feet tliey
can go nowhere.
A" TTAIYY TSHDEST. l —"fhif"Kew" Orleans
PUyiiftine relates the foll<ivrhg its
having occurred on ft ftteniffcr :
! "A few days since there was a" weddTujg
' on Baronne street,. celebrated with groat
eclat, and the newly-married couple sfff
j out at once on a bridal tour. The ceremo
| ny took place at four o'clock in the ufter
| noon, and at five o'clock they were on
board a splendid steamer hound for the
Upper Mississippi. As soon as the vessel
: was under wnv the passengers crowded the
! saloon, and mirth and revelry began to liold
a festival. A dance was improvised, and
joy and merriment was protracted into the
j "we sma' hours."
Now it so happened that the berth next
to our newly-married friends was occupied
by a lively little matron and her
Wishing to enjoy as much pleasure as pos
sible, she had entrusted her babe to a ser
vant, with instructions to put it to bed iu
soou as it went to sleep, while she, herself
joined in the dance. By a strange mistake
the servant mistook the state-room arid
deposited the rosy infant in the bridal
couch. Now when the hour foT retiring
came the groom led Iris blushing bride to
the door and modestly waited ontside for
her to disrobe and retire. One can very
readily imagine his astonishment, there
fore, when the next instant he heard Iris
name called frantically, and in accents of
surprise and distress.
Opening the door he looked in dubious
ly, and said :
1 'What is the matter, my love ? "
"O, Henry, look here ! "
"Why, bless me, it's a baby !"
"Yes, but oh, Henry, how did it come
here—do you think it's ours ? "
"Well, no!" replied Henry solemnly,
"I think it is almost too soon."
"Oh ! it certainly is, hut then what shall
we do ? "
Just then the anxious voice of the moth
er was heard inquiring for the baby and it
restored to her, very much to the relief of
the young people.
A TOUGH YARN. —There is a place in
Maine so rocky that when the natives
plant corn they look for crevises in the
rocks, and shoot the grains iu with a mns
ket. They can't raise ducks there no how.
for the stones are so thick tnat the dacks
can't get their bills between them to pick
out the grasshoppers, and the only way
the sheep can get at the sprigs of grass is
by grinding their noses on the grindstone l '
But this aint a cirgtjpastances to a place
in Maryland. There the land is so poor
that it takes two killdeers to cry "Killdcer."
and on a clear day you can see the grass,-
hoppers climb up a mullen stalk, ami Took
with tears over a fifty acre field, and the
bumblebees have to go down on their knees
to get a flower, all the musqnitocs die of
starvation, and the turkey buzzards were
obliged to emigrate.
But there is a country in Virginia which
can beat that. There the land is so sterile
that when the wind is northwest they have
to tie the children to keep them from being
blown away, and it takes six frogs to raise
one croak, and when the dogs bark they
have to lean against the fence.—the houses
are so thin that it takes twelve of them to
make a shadow, and when they lull a beef
they liave to hold him up to knock hint
down.
"That Tarnal Stuff."
To hear Dr. Wood tell the "drugger"
story is worth a quarter at any time. The
story is old, but tho manner in which the
Dr. tells it, is good. It is this.:
A long lean, gaunt Yankee, something
over six feet, entered a drug store and ask
ed.
"Be you the (lruggcrist ? "
" Veil, I s'pose so, I sell drugs."
"Waal, bev you got any uv this 'ere een
tinstuff as the gals put on their handker
chiefs?"
"Oli Y'es."
"Waal, onr Samantha .Tane is prwine to
l>e married, and she gin me n niuepence
and told me to invest the hnll amount in
seentin' stuff so as to make her sweet, if I
could find some to shit; so, if you're a
mind I'll just sntpll 'round."
The Yankee smelled around without lie
ing suited until tho druggist got tired of
lrim. and taking down a bottle of harts
horn. said:
"I've got a soentinstnff that I know will
suit you. A single drop on your handker
chief will stay for weeks, and it it impossi
ble to wash it out; but to get the strength
of it you must take a big smell."
"That so, mister? waal hold on a min
ute toll I get my breath, and when I soy
neow, you put it under my smeller."
The hartshorn of course knocked the
Yankee down, (as liquor has douo many n
man.) Do you suppose he got up and
smelt again, as the drunkard does ? Not I
he ; but rolling up lua sleeves, and doub-.
i ling Iris ponderous fist, ho said :
'Ton made me smell that tarnal ever
lastin' stuff, mister, and neow 111 make,
you smell fire and brimstone. "
JUST So ! I luv to court iu winter tin;
' mnni gnrU I no ;' when all around is
I dreary and Live red up with sno ; because
■the old un's tired the cold and stormy
, weather, and liuriy oph to hod, leaving us
| together.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance
ittisf iv CftjiErtef.
DuriiTLsss.—The object some wives have
in blowing up their husbands is doubtlwui
to have ilieni come down.„. r . ,
• r
aim uj st Uiilicoit surgical opem
tious—to take the cheek from a young matt
and the jaw from an old woman,
- ■ .
A bad wife is a shackle on her
band's feet, a burden on his shoulder, a
palsy to his hand, smoke to his eyes, vine
gar to his side, a (bigger to his heart.
krsT The edict is announced from Paris
that fashion has determined ..to. abolish
What a fall that will be—my
country—woman 1
An able agriculturist is of the opin
ion that the ice crop throughout this coun
try has not lieen injured by frost during the
winter.
fit;-- A man who was shooting '-for fun"
in Colorado, recently shot an individual,
who, he says, "unfortunately popped his
head round the corner and struck the bul
let."
fty"* A country doctor announces that he
has changed his residence to the neighbor*
hood of the which he hopes
may prove a great convenience to his nu
merous patients.
buf"' A rural cotemporuxy, in an obituary
notice of a friend, says : "He was all that
those who knew him best could wish. He
left behind a blessed memory and seven
thousand dollars in Government bonds."
Pathetic and pecuniary.
"Have you dined ? " said a hungry
man to his friend.
"I have, upon my honor," said he.
"Then," replied the first, "if you luivo
dined upon your honor I fear you have
had a scanty luaaJ." .
j ~
Mmf A young lady went into a fashiona
ble music store the other day. and asked
the polite proprietor if he had "any feline
intestines for lyrical purposes ?" She
wanted cat-gut guitar-strings. For once
mliis life the voung man "weakened," and
* "ij m
was carried out on a cancelled postage
stamp.
Ax Anxious^wimxiinAiiT.—A young gii'l
who had- become tired of single blessedness
writes to her true swain s follows :
Dunn Gin :—(Juan iite oil'ef yuu.aireum
min at awl. Crow Collins is insiatin that I
shill liev him, and he hugs-and kisses me-sc
kontiimerly "that T euh't hold out mutch"
longer, but will hcv 2 have in.
t-ir Au exchange say s: "A neighbor who
had repeatedly been urged by come female
acquaintances to aeeompauy them to e
skating pond, at last yielded, no longer able
to resist the blandishment of liis bewitch
ing tormentors. He went. He said lie
put on a pai: of skates and struck boldly
out, and the next thing he knew was him
self in bed, the minister sitting beside him .
singing-a i>aalm. the doctor Courting his
wife, and the undertaker measuring for a
walnut coffin,". - t
LIQUORS. —The Euglish believe in beer,
the French in wine, the, Germans in beer,
and the Yankees in whisky. The lirstjgives
a man solidity, the second vivacity, the
third stupidity, and last insanity. IJ'Jie
first is good to live on, the second to talk
on, the third to sleep on, and the last to
die on. Beer is bulky, wine, whisky, lager
logy, whisky worse. If used long enough
each will give its victim the gout, and get
him to his coffin in advance of his natural
time. * ' s
(WE TO BHKAKFACT. —The mingling of
slang poetry that lias lately appeared in
some of the papers recalls to mind the pa
ternal who was full of strange oaths, who
called his sou to breakfast. "My son,"
said the veteran, nt the foot of the stairs,
"arise and see the newly-risen luminal y of
day, and hear the sweet birds singing their
morning" Pong of praise, to their great
Creator; come while the dew is on the gross
and tender lambs are bleating on the hill
side—come, I say. or I'll lie up then? with*
a switch, and give yon the eusaedest- liking '
tlvnt yo;i over had!-" ,i.
Sutpe time ago a. hotel keeper m
laauoastor "smelled a mico" in this wiser;
'Two countrymen took lodgings at thft"
place, and fared sumptuously, driiVtcing*
three byttl .• daily. The hist da\>
uud.-hoiorv.tbey had settled tht ir bill.n dis
pute si*ose titer, lt'thf'speod rif thrlr
TlirV fft htst sotted a rave,
poiufeii" |!ii (andloiil judge. NVhcji;
were ready the judge, like those of .
gauies, word one,
three uudgy. Awaj''.they went, ami have,
never boon seen nor-1 tear d f-wnee. Sial*
donbt tlfey urtt'ranniffgt at this niomehT
biH m : omr rtflur place ) ldaiing this land "
lord fully compensated by having hud tho.
honor of being judge.
NO. 33.